Crack Pairings V - We Revel in Infamy

[Yiuel]

Two Words.

Crack Pairings.

[Zanaril]

Two Words.

Crack Pairings.

What's worse is that part of me wants to see it happen.

[CoffeeIncluded]

It might be slightly debilitating. Although I'm sure they've found enough things you can do if you can float to make up for it a hundred times over.

Not to mention that they don't have to worry about such silly things as "Stamina" or "Constitution" or "A broken pelvis".

...In that book that V's probably distributing on this thread out of exasperation. do you think there's a whole chapter on what you can do with a natural dexterity?

[Zanaril]

...In that book that V's probably distributing on this thread out of exasperation. do you think there's a whole chapter on what you can do with a natural dexterity?

Almost certainly.

...I wonder if Haley has a copy.

[Yiuel]

What's worse is that part of me wants to see it happen.

I'll then make it my third strike. :D

[CoffeeIncluded]

Almost certainly.

...I wonder if Haley has a copy.

Haley? She probably did field "testing"!

[Zanaril]

Haley? She probably did field "testing"!

She also has full copyright and a patent on some of the more original positions. She gets 110% profit from every book sold.

[CoffeeIncluded]

She also has full copyright and a patent on some of the more original positions. She gets 110% profit from every book sold.

It's found on the bookcase of every elf, most halflings, and pretty much anyone with a Dex score over 16.

Anybody with a Dex score lower than that runs the risk of snapping their spine and pelvis in half.

However, those who have say that it was completely worth it.

[Zanaril]

*glances guiltily over at bookshelf*

[CoffeeIncluded]

*glances guiltily over at bookshelf*

So is it true what they say about the full-color labeled diagrams that are described and explained in lavishly loving detail?

[Zanaril]

So is it true what they say about the full-color labeled diagrams that are described and explained in lavishly loving detail?

You have no idea. I'm certain I don't know.

[Oooohaloophole]

You have no idea. I'm certain I don't know.

Opens Book. (Eyes Burn....But They Burn so Warm)

[CoffeeIncluded]

You have no idea. I'm certain I don't know.

We MUST include this in the Round Robin.
I hear it's part of a set. Is this true?
And how In-depth does it go?

[Zanaril]

We MUST include this in the Round Robin.
I hear it's part of a set. Is this true?
And how In-depth does it go?

I only bought them for the quality of the artwork! Honest!

[CoffeeIncluded]

I only bought them for the quality of the artwork! Honest!

Well, do you honestly think that V would so much as glance at a book with shoddy artwork?

I think not, and frankly, I am offended that you even suggested such a thing...Now please give me back the book.

[Oooohaloophole]

Well, do you honestly think that V would so much as glance at a book with shoddy artwork?

I think not, and frankly, I am offended that you even suggested such a thing...Now please give me back the book.

Jokes aside I wonder how 13-16 year olds know of this stuff. 50 years ago beds where separated in Movies.

[Conuly]

Jokes aside I wonder how 13-16 year olds know of this stuff. 50 years ago beds where separated in Movies.

Yeah, but even then there were kids who had kids.

[CoffeeIncluded]

Jokes aside I wonder how 13-16 year olds know of this stuff. 50 years ago beds where separated in Movies.

You do realize that puberty starts at around age 12, right?

[Oooohaloophole]

You do realize that puberty starts at around age 12, right?

Yes.....It was Happened Naturaly, Wierd Wierd Human atonomy.

Edit: I just Didnt Realize it until I was 13.

[Mystic Muse]

Cracklord I would like to compliment you on Soon/Tsukiko. I enjoyed that one.

[The Odor]

Yes.....It was Happened Naturaly, Wierd Wierd Human atonomy.

Edit: I just Didnt Realize it until I was 13.

Then I asume nothing happend untill then.

[Closak]

Mehehehehe

Spoiler

Show

"Are you sure these rooms are completely soundproof?" Roy asked as they stepped into the music room

"Of course they are the" The Ancient Black Dragon answered "Let's just get started already" And with that she rolled over and laid on her back

"Come here boy"


---LATER---

Elan and Vaarsuvius were heading into the soundproofed music rooms so Elan could teach V to properly play the flute. This had been decided after V had nearly rendered someone deaf after a horribly failed attemp at playing some sort of melody.

However, as they walked into the room they found it occupied by a giant black dragon lying on her back and roaring in pleasure, with ROY of all people on top of her.

When they noticed the newcomers the two of them stopped and the dragon said "Why hello there, like to join in? There's room for all three of you"

V turned decidely green at that and promply went running out into the hallway. Elan was just confused.

---LATER---

"Are you telling me that slutty dragon has been at it AGAIN!" The principal practically screamed.

"Yes sir, that is exactly what i am saying" V answered.

"Aww, i wanted to join to!" Sabine complained. She had been sent to the principal for making out with Nale during class.

"And you, extra homework!" The principal screamed at Sabine.

"Bu-" Sabine started

"NO BUTS!" The principal roared

"Hehehe, buts" Belkar said to himself. He was currently hiding just outside the principals office, in a position where he could hear everything that went on in there. Come to think of it this seemed to be a good opportunity to use that air-born love potion he got a while back.

And with that Belkar quicky opened the door, threw the potion in, and slammed the door shut again before running off laughing to himself.

...Comments please?


Air-born love potion in easily breakable glass bottles...yeah

[Water-Smurf]

As a person who owns several snakes, snakes start out completely as babies. They're tiny and often take five+ years to reach sexual maturity, on which the males die soon after.

And that, my dear, is how you can tell I know jack about snakes.

If they were mature from the beginning, you'd get tinier and tinier snakes until their physical ATOMS crunch together, they start to gravitationally attract everything surround them and become neutron stars.

But, you know, that's in the long run.

Snakes that give birth to little neutron stars??!! :O I want one!! :D :D :D

Or, you know, a regular snake would do fine too. ^.^

Well About Xycon Im still not shure but he IS Partialy insane. Like if he suddenly wanted to attack her (Maybe Frusturation Issues) he wouldnt tell the diff between A Redcloak with 19d8 hit dice or a girl. Dono thats just how I see him.

Xykon may be a sociopath, but he's not insane. He has perfect control over his mental faculties and can reason and act within the bounds of reality. He just has no conscience.

If Tiasal really pisses him off--by, say, hunting down his phylactery and imitating her mother by destroying and/or hiding it, then he won't have any issues with hurting or killing her. He just won't do that if she doesn't provoke him.

What Redcloak doesn't know is that, while Xykon is willing to hurt her, he's not willing to kill her over something Redcloak does. He'd lose his leverage and he thinks Tiasal has potential to be a very useful girl in a few years. And he's well-aware that her Constitution score isn't overly high yet--he's capable of treating her accordingly.

AND PLEESE Dont get them together. Im having a hard time as it is getting used to Furries and skalies, I cannot handle Undeadies.

I write what the characters/story wants me to write. In fact, I feel another non-canon but potential fic coming on...

Why wouldn't they? Did you really think you could dangle a crack pairing in front of our noses - one involving popular characters - and not have us demand it?

I figured you'd want me to focus on my current stuff before flitting off to other things.

At least V's warned him about them, even if Reddy did get the wrong idea. Just thank goodness they're incorporeal; otherwise I'd be worried that it would end in a foursome.

It really says something about this thread when someone's able to casually remark on the possibility of a foursome with two people and their daughter and son-in-law. (And for it to be slightly plausible.) Incest for the win! :D

I think that Reddy would probably be really tense and protective of V. He doesn't know them, so he can't imagine how anyone who invites a minor to have sex could possibly be a good person. And at this point, he knows about what happened to V after that elf hanged himself. He's protective of her.

Vaarsuvius would probably be exasperated that her parents were haunting her from their grave. And she would probably pray that they wouldn't embarrass her and Redcloak too much.

Or maybe them being incorporeal makes it worse? You can hardly shove ghosts out the house and lock the door on them.

And they'd have to come to terms with the fact that, every time they have sex, two untouchable ghosts are probably watching. Everyone's worst nightmare.

I think I see. She doesn't want to tell anyone about it because subconsciously she knows that they'd persuade her that was happened was wrong and wasn't her fault. If she can believe that it was a punishment she deserved, she can continue thinking that she's not a victim and therefore doesn't need help. Have I got that right?

Partially. That's not the only reason she thinks that she deserved it--even if she didn't need to believe, she would.

But at the same time, if she wasn't punished for letting Aegidius die, then she still needs to be. She has this sense that something has to happen to her to make it okay. She has to suffer. Whenever this topic comes up, you see how twisted it made that part of her psyche. If she thought that the rape didn't count as a punishment, she would be seized with the urge to find something that did count, possibly actually going back to that 'owner of the molten eyes' for more.

If/when she opens up to Redcloak about this, he'll need to proceed with extreme caution. Vaarsuvius didn't do herself any favors by letting this secret burrow and fester. Something's waiting to snap.

Redcloak, however, is going to get some very close scrutiny. Aandy's going to want to make absolutely sure that V is okay with him - and that if they are staying together, Reddy's capable of looking after Vaarsuvius. And he'd be reluctant to let V out of his sight even then.

Well, at least Redcloak will need to deal with a 'meet the parents' scenario, even if Aandy's technically not V's father. I don't see Aarindarius getting AS hung up on the species thing as Reddy's parents, but I also don't see him accepting an evil goblin cleric too readily.

Needless to say, Redcloak will probably need to answer a lot of questions he's not going to like.

And that's after a long lecture about what will happen if Reddy ever does anything to V, how Reddy should have known better, etc. etc.

Aarindarius will be able to pick out the scars on Vaarsuvius's cheeks. It doesn't take too much deduction to figure out where and when they came from.

He's not going to be happy.

What's worse is that part of me wants to see it happen.

What's even worse is that I'm unintentionally developing ideas of making it work. I feel unclean.

[CoffeeIncluded]

Mehehehehe

Spoiler

Show

"Are you sure these rooms are completely soundproof?" Roy asked as they stepped into the music room

"Of course they are the" The Ancient Black Dragon answered "Let's just get started already" And with that she rolled over and laid on her back

"Come here boy"


---LATER---

Elan and Vaarsuvius were heading into the soundproofed music rooms so Elan could teach V to properly play the flute. This had been decided after V had nearly rendered someone deaf after a horribly failed attemp at playing some sort of melody.

However, as they walked into the room they found it occupied by a giant black dragon lying on her back and roaring in pleasure, with ROY of all people on top of her.

When they noticed the newcomers the two of them stopped and the dragon said "Why hello there, like to join in? There's room for all three of you"

V turned decidely green at that and promply went running out into the hallway. Elan was just confused.

---LATER---

"Are you telling me that slutty dragon has been at it AGAIN!" The principal practically screamed.

"Yes sir, that is exactly what i am saying" V answered.

"Aww, i wanted to join to!" Sabine complained. She had been sent to the principal for making out with Nale during class.

"And you, extra homework!" The principal screamed at Sabine.

"Bu-" Sabine started

"NO BUTS!" The principal roared

"Hehehe, buts" Belkar said to himself. He was currently hiding just outside the principals office, in a position where he could hear everything that went on in there. Come to think of it this seemed to be a good opportunity to use that air-born love potion he got a while back.

And with that Belkar quicky opened the door, threw the potion in, and slammed the door shut again before running off laughing to himself.

...Comments please?


Air-born love potion in easily breakable glass bottles...yeah

So I suppose that the OOTS high school has dozens of these soundproofed music rooms?

...What horrors have I unleashed into this thread?

I write what the characters/story wants me to write. In fact, I feel another non-canon but potential fic coming on...

Ditto for me, and ditto for all of us here!

I figured you'd want me to focus on my current stuff before flitting off to other things.

That may be, but this is WAY too good to waste.

Partially. That's not the only reason she thinks that she deserved it--even if she didn't need to believe, she would.

But at the same time, if she wasn't punished for letting Aegidius die, then she still needs to be. She has this sense that something has to happen to her to make it okay. She has to suffer. Whenever this topic comes up, you see how twisted it made that part of her psyche. If she thought that the rape didn't count as a punishment, she would be seized with the urge to find something that did count, possibly actually going back to that 'owner of the molten eyes' for more.

If/when she opens up to Redcloak about this, he'll need to proceed with extreme caution. Vaarsuvius didn't do herself any favors by letting this secret burrow and fester. Something's waiting to snap.

Oh dear God.

Oh, and I updated Murphy's Law. Janine would be right at home in this thread.

[Closak]

So I suppose that the OOTS high school has dozens of these soundproofed music rooms?

...What horrors have I unleashed into this thread?

A fun horror

And plenty of draconic horror.

You see, Sabine and the ABD are competing with each other about who is the bigger slut.

[ShinyDelusion]

Liked your DarthV x Haley, Odor, especially the way you did the souls' dialogue.

Wonderful work as per usual, Watersmurf, and since you said you were afraid some of the moments were getting a little too sweet, I'll admit that at a few points I was saying "d'aw, that's a little mushy", but I don't think any of those bits made the story less enjoyable, and hey, those two deserve a little extra sweetness. Oh, and I'd like to second everyone else who's said they want to read a little Aarindarius x V's Parents. Also, regarding:

And that's why Vaarsuvius, the reader, and I find it hard to really be angry at them for anything. They're good people and their intentions are nothing but good, but they're clueless about the idea of 'different kinds of love' and the behavior that those different types of love entail. (Like, a usual everyday person would have sex with their spouse and would snuggle up with their child and read out loud from a Dr. Seuss book. They see no issues with having sex with their child and reading out loud to their spouse, or vice-versa, or both.)

Now I can't stop picturing V's father (The blue-haired parent's name escapes me at the moment, sorry.) snuggling up to Aula while she reads to him from a children's book (and makes sure he can see all the pictures, of course). So adorable!

Nathander's handful of paragraphs about love made me "d'aw".

Liked your story, Yiuel. Is it going to be multichaptered?

Absolutely terrible, Mariel Dragon. Well done! I'd bet the House of Fanservice would love to see some fan art of Haley in some of those outfits...

My goodness, Closak, what an... interesting little... incident you've written there.

Here's the second chapter of Hinjo x Tsukiko! Pretty much tells us what was happening "Meanwhile, on Hinjo's Junk" during the first chapter.

Spoiler

Show

“The fleet… Sir, we didn’t have time to get many supplies onto each ship…” Lien said anxiously.

“I know,” said Hinjo distantly, staring over the black waters and past the bobbing white sails of the rest of the fleet at the distant carnage that was once Azure City, “We’ll need to find a place they can settle while we plan our assault to take back the city—or we’ll starve.” Or we’ll starve… we’ll starve—STARVE! The grim statement echoed in his mind as he turned his back to the gruesome view the fleet was leaving behind.

Lien looked at him oddly. He’d been staring back at Azure City since the boat had started moving, hadn’t taken his eyes away from the mind-numbing sight for even a second the entire time, in fact, but, the city had slipped out of sight over half an hour ago. Even the sharpest eyes wouldn’t be able to pick it up in this darkness and at this distance. Even so, he’d just kept staring… The two soldiers that had returned to the ship with Hinjo and the northerners looked at her questioningly. Lien offered them a small shrug and a subtle gesture that indicated it would probably be best to leave him alone for now. They nodded in understanding and left.

“We should…” Hinjo made a vague hand gesture. When it’s all you can do to think anything other than we’llstarvewe’llstarvewe’llstarveandAzureCitydies… it’s a difficult task to remember even the simplest of words. “Take inventory,” he finished after a pause, “Of the whole fleet.”

“But—”

“I know that will take a long time, Lien,” said Hinjo calmly, “But we must know how much we have and begin rationing it. As soon as possible.” Before thousands of innocent citizens STARVE and die… “By tomorrow, if we can,” he added.

“Yes sir,” said Lien, “I’ll start organizing the other Pal—I mean…” Both Paladins visibly flinched. The Sapphire Guard would be going on no more missions, large or small. “I… I’ll,” Lien bowed her head to make her tears less visible, “I’ll get together what soldiers I can find and maybe a few civilians, and we’ll begin at once.”

“Very good,” said Hinjo, dismissing her with a nod. Once she was out of sight, he felt himself gagging again. Dammit, there’s nothing left, why do I keep doing this? he wondered as he leaned over he side of the boat and waited for his dry heaving to stop. Something burned at the back of his throat and he tried to spit it out as his eyes watered. This had to be the fifth time he’d done this today. Every time he tried to assess how many lives had been lost… While he continued to brace himself with one hand his other clenched his abdomen, trying to stop the painful convulsions. As a bit of diluted bile dripped out of his mouth and his stomach still shuddered, he wondered if seppuku felt anything like this. He shook his head as he gasped for breath, hoping he was almost done here. Morbid thought… Too morbid, no matter how much your gut burns… Twelve gods give me strength to police my own mind, for otherwise I cannot hope to police anything else.

“Seasickness, my good man?”

“Wh—” With a final hacking cough, Hinjo stood up straight and whipped himself around, hurriedly wiping off his chin on his sleeve. “Pardon me?” he said with as much dignity as he could muster when his stomach felt like something spiky was swimming around in it and his tongue tasted like sour acid.

“Oh! Nevermind…” The grubby part-time merchant who had addressed him tried to slink away. He hadn’t realized that was a Paladin hung over the rail (you’d think the blue cape would be a dead giveaway, but capes were in this month and blue was the season’s new blue (to the shock of many an Azurite fashion aficionado), so you never could tell), much less Lord Hinjo himself!

Hinjo frowned and crossed his arms. “No,” he said flatly, “Really. What were you going to say?”

“Well,” the citizen replied, sweating a little, “I’ve got these wonderful little pills here that are supposed to be good for motion sickness. That’s all.”

Resisting the urge to Detect Evil, Smite if necessary, and be done with this conversation and the man’s obvious guilty conscience, Hinjo said carefully, “May I see them?”

“Well, I usually don’t like folks inspecting the merchandise before paying like that, I mean you never know when you’re dealing with a cheeky Rogue or something, but since it’s you I guess it’s not really that much of a risk, so…” the little man muttered, handing over a bag of small white pills.

Hinjo examined the things closely for a full minute before looking up and fixing the fidgeting suspect with a critical look.

“Nothing illegal ‘bout selling vitamin pills,” the man muttered, fixing his eyes to the ground, “And they still help people, often as not.”

“You’re right,” said Hinjo crisply, handing the bag back over, “Dishonesty is not illegal.” He hoped he’d given the man something to think about, at least, as he silently thanked the Twelve Gods that he hadn’t failed his Intimidate Check; he didn’t know enough about medicine to identify those pills on sight.

“Sorry. Goodbye!”

“Leaving so soon?” Hinjo clapped a hand on the man’s shoulder and stopped him in his tracks. Even after being found out, he still had a guilty conscience? “Detect Evil.”

“Now that was completely unnecessary,” the Azurite protested, “I don’t mind telling people I’m True Neutral. Perfectly respectable alignment for an NPC!”

“Calm down,” said Hinjo, “You’re not evil and I’m not going to be making any more Intimidate checks.”

“You don’t have to,” the man grumbled in response. This was true. The sight of a Paladin of the Sapphire Guard was formidable enough, especially to Azure City natives who knew how powerful the Guard was. Stack that with Hinjo’s half-wild appearance complete with visible battle wounds, sleep-deprived features, and the unidentified liquid still at the corners of his mouth, and the effect was truly terrifying. Not to mention on top of that he was still Lord Hinjo, Azure City’s new ruler.

Hinjo frowned. As much as he wanted to know what (probably illegal) mischief this citizen was trying to hide, he didn’t want to be one of those Paladins like Mi—he grimaced. There was only pain to be found down that path of thought. Police your thoughts—one of those Paladins that has no sympathy for people who aren’t Lawful Good, that is, or one of those Paladins who Smites first and asks questions later. He didn’t want his class or his status as a member of the Guard or the fact that he was Lord Hinjo now to be symbols of fear to use as weapons. “I apologize,” he said quietly, “It was wrong of me to invade your privacy like that. Is there anything I can do to make it up to you?”

“Nah, that’s alright,” said the man, a little taken aback. After a pause he asked suddenly, “Hey, you know that elf in the red robes that got on the boat with you?”

“Yes?” said Hinjo, once again a little wary.

“Is he—she?”

Hinjo shrugged.

“Glad I’m not the only one who can’t tell. Anyway, is he that wizard I’ve heard tell about?”

“He is,” said Hinjo, raising an eyebrow, “Why do you ask?”

“No reason,” the man said evasively, “Just curious.”

“Oh, for crying out loud!” a new voice shouted in exasperation.

The man nearly jumped out of his skin while Hinjo reflexively grabbed the hilt of his katana before he realized he recognized the voice. “What is it, Elan?” he asked wearily.

“You guys have been talking forever,” said the bard, rising from his hiding place behind a nearby barrel.

“And you’ve been eavesdropping?” said Hinjo, clearly a little offended.

“Well,” said Elan, “Would you still be having this conversation if it weren’t somehow important to the plot?”

Both men gave the bard a blank stare.

“I just wanted to stay caught up,” Elan said with a sniff, “That’s all. But you’re taking forever to get to the important part.”

With a shrug, Hinjo said, “I guess you have a point.” He turned back to the man. “Have you been doing something illegal?”

“Finally,” gushed Elan before Hinjo could get an answer, “He’s gotta come out with it now, because Paladins have that Sense Motive Skill.”

“Although I consider using it an unnecessary invasion of privacy,” Hinjo put in defensively. “Most of the time,” he added meaningfully.

“Fine,” the suspect grumbled, “Not like you can throw me in jail for it anyway. I work—worked, now, I guess—as a prison guard in the city’s fortress itself. Before I got on the boat, I took some of the prisoners’ confiscated belongings with me. Figured most of them would be in no condition to take it all back by the end of the battle anyway, so I might as well make a little extra cash.”

“Why were you asking about Vaarsuvius?” Elan asked.

“The elf?”

Elan nodded.

“A lot of the loot’s spellbooks, magical items, and the like, y’know, stuff a guy’d have on him while committing some sort of magical crime, so I figured a wizard would be able to use them.”

Sighing and rubbing his eyes wearily, Hinjo said, “You’re right; I can’t throw you in jail, because there is no jail out here. I’m still confiscating the stolen property, though. Understood?”

“Yes,” the thief replied meekly.

---

Hinjo headed to his cabin with the Bag of Holding the thief had been using to carry the stolen items clutched in one hand. Elan followed him.

“Aren’t you going to open the bag?”

“Why would I do that, Elan?” Hinjo asked through gritted teeth.

“To see what’s inside!”

“I know what’s inside.”

“Nuh-uh,” said Elan, “You don’t know exactly what’s in there. There could be another MacGuffin, or a surprisingly relevant ancient prophecy, or a bottle with a genie in it, or a message from the past, or—”

“I’m not opening the bag, Elan.”

“But you have to!” Elan whined, “The plot depends on it! And I really want to see what’s in there…”

“Go to bed, Elan,” said Hinjo upon arriving at the door to his cabin.

“Fine,” said Elan, pouting, “You’re just no fun.”

Shaking his head as Elan stormed off in a huff, Hinjo slipped into his cabin and locked the door behind him. Now he had to open the bag.

He wasn’t out to satisfy his curiosity or further this “plot” Elan kept going on about. The bag might contain valuable resources. Maybe Vaarsuvius would be able to use some of the spellbooks somehow, or maybe there was some food in there somewhere; who knew? If Lien was already out there somewhere trying to carry out the ridiculous task of taking inventory of the entire fleet, the least he could owe her and every other citizen of Azure City right now was a thorough search of that bag for any valuable resources before he went to bed.

---

Aside from a few odd weapons and a bunch of odds and ends that were key components in various spells, the only things Hinjo found in the bag that seemed to have any value at all were the spellbooks the man had mentioned, and even those seemed kind of iffy. He stacked them neatly by his bed anyway so he’d remember to give them to Vaarsuvius in the morning, absent-mindedly flipping through the pages of some of them as he went, skimming them occasionally. It was nice to have meaningless information to focus his mind on, rather than… everything else.

“Before casting, grind the root into a fine powder and…” “While making this hand gesture, recite the following…” “June 8. Dear Diary, Today I...” Wait a minute, what? He slid the plain, black, leather-bound book back off the top of the pile and opened it to the first page.

~~~~~

April 17.

Dear Diary,

Today I decided to take a prestige class: Mystic Theurge. You’ll be happy to know that now you’ve got a Glyph of Warding on you that only lets Lawful people open you, so I can finally write in you without worrying about Mother or Mizuki reading anything! Ha! They’re going to be so pissed when they try…

~~~~~

Hinjo closed the book, feeling a little guilty. He was also curious, though: How did a Lawful girl’s (he assumed that it was mostly girls who kept diaries) diary end up among the belongings of criminals? Had someone stolen it? Had she changed her alignment and… brought her now useless diary with her while committing crimes? He shook his head. That didn’t sound very logical. Whatever had happened, this book would certainly be of no use to Vaarsuvius or anyone else, so he set it down on his bedside table and finished making the pile of spellbooks.

He gave the diary a glance as at long last he crawled into bed. Very strange… If he found some time tomorrow, he might have to investigate it further...

Still not sure if I like it as much as I liked Chapter 1. Let me know what y'all think!

[CoffeeIncluded]

Here's the second chapter of Hinjo x Tsukiko! Pretty much tells us what was happening "Meanwhile, on Hinjo's Junk" during the first chapter.

Spoiler

Show

“The fleet… Sir, we didn’t have time to get many supplies onto each ship…” Lien said anxiously.

“I know,” said Hinjo distantly, staring over the black waters and past the bobbing white sails of the rest of the fleet at the distant carnage that was once Azure City, “We’ll need to find a place they can settle while we plan our assault to take back the city—or we’ll starve.” Or we’ll starve… we’ll starve—STARVE! The grim statement echoed in his mind as he turned his back to the gruesome view the fleet was leaving behind.

Lien looked at him oddly. He’d been staring back at Azure City since the boat had started moving, hadn’t taken his eyes away from the mind-numbing sight for even a second the entire time, in fact, but, the city had slipped out of sight over half an hour ago. Even the sharpest eyes wouldn’t be able to pick it up in this darkness and at this distance. Even so, he’d just kept staring… The two soldiers that had returned to the ship with Hinjo and the northerners looked at her questioningly. Lien offered them a small shrug and a subtle gesture that indicated it would probably be best to leave him alone for now. They nodded in understanding and left.

“We should…” Hinjo made a vague hand gesture. When it’s all you can do to think anything other than we’llstarvewe’llstarvewe’llstarveandAzureCitydies… it’s a difficult task to remember even the simplest of words. “Take inventory,” he finished after a pause, “Of the whole fleet.”

“But—”

“I know that will take a long time, Lien,” said Hinjo calmly, “But we must know how much we have and begin rationing it. As soon as possible.” Before thousands of innocent citizens STARVE and die… “By tomorrow, if we can,” he added.

“Yes sir,” said Lien, “I’ll start organizing the other Pal—I mean…” Both Paladins visibly flinched. The Sapphire Guard would be going on no more missions, large or small. “I… I’ll,” Lien bowed her head to make her tears less visible, “I’ll get together what soldiers I can find and maybe a few civilians, and we’ll begin at once.”

“Very good,” said Hinjo, dismissing her with a nod. Once she was out of sight, he felt himself gagging again. Dammit, there’s nothing left, why do I keep doing this? he wondered as he leaned over he side of the boat and waited for his dry heaving to stop. Something burned at the back of his throat and he tried to spit it out as his eyes watered. This had to be the fifth time he’d done this today. Every time he tried to assess how many lives had been lost… While he continued to brace himself with one hand his other clenched his abdomen, trying to stop the painful convulsions. As a bit of diluted bile dripped out of his mouth and his stomach still shuddered, he wondered if seppuku felt anything like this. He shook his head as he gasped for breath, hoping he was almost done here. Morbid thought… Too morbid, no matter how much your gut burns… Twelve gods give me strength to police my own mind, for otherwise I cannot hope to police anything else.

“Seasickness, my good man?”

“Wh—” With a final hacking cough, Hinjo stood up straight and whipped himself around, hurriedly wiping off his chin on his sleeve. “Pardon me?” he said with as much dignity as he could muster when his stomach felt like something spiky was swimming around in it and his tongue tasted like sour acid.

“Oh! Nevermind…” The grubby part-time merchant who had addressed him tried to slink away. He hadn’t realized that was a Paladin hung over the rail (you’d think the blue cape would be a dead giveaway, but capes were in this month and blue was the season’s new blue (to the shock of many an Azurite fashion aficionado), so you never could tell), much less Lord Hinjo himself!

Hinjo frowned and crossed his arms. “No,” he said flatly, “Really. What were you going to say?”

“Well,” the citizen replied, sweating a little, “I’ve got these wonderful little pills here that are supposed to be good for motion sickness. That’s all.”

Resisting the urge to Detect Evil, Smite if necessary, and be done with this conversation and the man’s obvious guilty conscience, Hinjo said carefully, “May I see them?”

“Well, I usually don’t like folks inspecting the merchandise before paying like that, I mean you never know when you’re dealing with a cheeky Rogue or something, but since it’s you I guess it’s not really that much of a risk, so…” the little man muttered, handing over a bag of small white pills.

Hinjo examined the things closely for a full minute before looking up and fixing the fidgeting suspect with a critical look.

“Nothing illegal ‘bout selling vitamin pills,” the man muttered, fixing his eyes to the ground, “And they still help people, often as not.”

“You’re right,” said Hinjo crisply, handing the bag back over, “Dishonesty is not illegal.” He hoped he’d given the man something to think about, at least, as he silently thanked the Twelve Gods that he hadn’t failed his Intimidate Check; he didn’t know enough about medicine to identify those pills on sight.

“Sorry. Goodbye!”

“Leaving so soon?” Hinjo clapped a hand on the man’s shoulder and stopped him in his tracks. Even after being found out, he still had a guilty conscience? “Detect Evil.”

“Now that was completely unnecessary,” the Azurite protested, “I don’t mind telling people I’m True Neutral. Perfectly respectable alignment for an NPC!”

“Calm down,” said Hinjo, “You’re not evil and I’m not going to be making any more Intimidate checks.”

“You don’t have to,” the man grumbled in response. This was true. The sight of a Paladin of the Sapphire Guard was formidable enough, especially to Azure City natives who knew how powerful the Guard was. Stack that with Hinjo’s half-wild appearance complete with visible battle wounds, sleep-deprived features, and the unidentified liquid still at the corners of his mouth, and the effect was truly terrifying. Not to mention on top of that he was still Lord Hinjo, Azure City’s new ruler.

Hinjo frowned. As much as he wanted to know what (probably illegal) mischief this citizen was trying to hide, he didn’t want to be one of those Paladins like Mi—he grimaced. There was only pain to be found down that path of thought. Police your thoughts—one of those Paladins that has no sympathy for people who aren’t Lawful Good, that is, or one of those Paladins who Smites first and asks questions later. He didn’t want his class or his status as a member of the Guard or the fact that he was Lord Hinjo now to be symbols of fear to use as weapons. “I apologize,” he said quietly, “It was wrong of me to invade your privacy like that. Is there anything I can do to make it up to you?”

“Nah, that’s alright,” said the man, a little taken aback. After a pause he asked suddenly, “Hey, you know that elf in the red robes that got on the boat with you?”

“Yes?” said Hinjo, once again a little wary.

“Is he—she?”

Hinjo shrugged.

“Glad I’m not the only one who can’t tell. Anyway, is he that wizard I’ve heard tell about?”

“He is,” said Hinjo, raising an eyebrow, “Why do you ask?”

“No reason,” the man said evasively, “Just curious.”

“Oh, for crying out loud!” a new voice shouted in exasperation.

The man nearly jumped out of his skin while Hinjo reflexively grabbed the hilt of his katana before he realized he recognized the voice. “What is it, Elan?” he asked wearily.

“You guys have been talking forever,” said the bard, rising from his hiding place behind a nearby barrel.

“And you’ve been eavesdropping?” said Hinjo, clearly a little offended.

“Well,” said Elan, “Would you still be having this conversation if it weren’t somehow important to the plot?”

Both men gave the bard a blank stare.

“I just wanted to stay caught up,” Elan said with a sniff, “That’s all. But you’re taking forever to get to the important part.”

With a shrug, Hinjo said, “I guess you have a point.” He turned back to the man. “Have you been doing something illegal?”

“Finally,” gushed Elan before Hinjo could get an answer, “He’s gotta come out with it now, because Paladins have that Sense Motive Skill.”

“Although I consider using it an unnecessary invasion of privacy,” Hinjo put in defensively. “Most of the time,” he added meaningfully.

“Fine,” the suspect grumbled, “Not like you can throw me in jail for it anyway. I work—worked, now, I guess—as a prison guard in the city’s fortress itself. Before I got on the boat, I took some of the prisoners’ confiscated belongings with me. Figured most of them would be in no condition to take it all back by the end of the battle anyway, so I might as well make a little extra cash.”

“Why were you asking about Vaarsuvius?” Elan asked.

“The elf?”

Elan nodded.

“A lot of the loot’s spellbooks, magical items, and the like, y’know, stuff a guy’d have on him while committing some sort of magical crime, so I figured a wizard would be able to use them.”

Sighing and rubbing his eyes wearily, Hinjo said, “You’re right; I can’t throw you in jail, because there is no jail out here. I’m still confiscating the stolen property, though. Understood?”

“Yes,” the thief replied meekly.

---

Hinjo headed to his cabin with the Bag of Holding the thief had been using to carry the stolen items clutched in one hand. Elan followed him.

“Aren’t you going to open the bag?”

“Why would I do that, Elan?” Hinjo asked through gritted teeth.

“To see what’s inside!”

“I know what’s inside.”

“Nuh-uh,” said Elan, “You don’t know exactly what’s in there. There could be another MacGuffin, or a surprisingly relevant ancient prophecy, or a bottle with a genie in it, or a message from the past, or—”

“I’m not opening the bag, Elan.”

“But you have to!” Elan whined, “The plot depends on it! And I really want to see what’s in there…”

“Go to bed, Elan,” said Hinjo upon arriving at the door to his cabin.

“Fine,” said Elan, pouting, “You’re just no fun.”

Shaking his head as Elan stormed off in a huff, Hinjo slipped into his cabin and locked the door behind him. Now he had to open the bag.

He wasn’t out to satisfy his curiosity or further this “plot” Elan kept going on about. The bag might contain valuable resources. Maybe Vaarsuvius would be able to use some of the spellbooks somehow, or maybe there was some food in there somewhere; who knew? If Lien was already out there somewhere trying to carry out the ridiculous task of taking inventory of the entire fleet, the least he could owe her and every other citizen of Azure City right now was a thorough search of that bag for any valuable resources before he went to bed.

---

Aside from a few odd weapons and a bunch of odds and ends that were key components in various spells, the only things Hinjo found in the bag that seemed to have any value at all were the spellbooks the man had mentioned, and even those seemed kind of iffy. He stacked them neatly by his bed anyway so he’d remember to give them to Vaarsuvius in the morning, absent-mindedly flipping through the pages of some of them as he went, skimming them occasionally. It was nice to have meaningless information to focus his mind on, rather than… everything else.

“Before casting, grind the root into a fine powder and…” “While making this hand gesture, recite the following…” “June 8. Dear Diary, Today I...” Wait a minute, what? He slid the plain, black, leather-bound book back off the top of the pile and opened it to the first page.

~~~~~

April 17.

Dear Diary,

Today I decided to take a prestige class: Mystic Theurge. You’ll be happy to know that now you’ve got a Glyph of Warding on you that only lets Lawful people open you, so I can finally write in you without worrying about Mother or Mizuki reading anything! Ha! They’re going to be so pissed when they try…

~~~~~

Hinjo closed the book, feeling a little guilty. He was also curious, though: How did a Lawful girl’s (he assumed that it was mostly girls who kept diaries) diary end up among the belongings of criminals? Had someone stolen it? Had she changed her alignment and… brought her now useless diary with her while committing crimes? He shook his head. That didn’t sound very logical. Whatever had happened, this book would certainly be of no use to Vaarsuvius or anyone else, so he set it down on his bedside table and finished making the pile of spellbooks.

He gave the diary a glance as at long last he crawled into bed. Very strange… If he found some time tomorrow, he might have to investigate it further...

Still not sure if I like it as much as I liked Chapter 1. Let me know what y'all think!

I really liked Hinjo's train of thought here.

[Oooohaloophole]

Xykon may be a sociopath, but he's not insane. He has perfect control over his mental faculties and can reason and act within the bounds of reality. He just has no conscience.

If Tiasal really pisses him off--by, say, hunting down his phylactery and imitating her mother by destroying and/or hiding it, then he won't have any issues with hurting or killing her. He just won't do that if she doesn't provoke him.

What Redcloak doesn't know is that, while Xykon is willing to hurt her, he's not willing to kill her over something Redcloak does. He'd lose his leverage and he thinks Tiasal has potential to be a very useful girl in a few years. And he's well-aware that her Constitution score isn't overly high yet--he's capable of treating her accordingly.



I write what the characters/story wants me to write. In fact, I feel another non-canon but potential fic coming on...

You know what? I cant take it anymore! THIS STUFF IS CREEPY! IT IS IT IS IT IS! WHAT THE HELL ARE WE DOING SPENDING OUR TIME WRITING DISTURBING FANFICTION. WHAT THE HELL IS RICH DOING HOSTING THIS! ITS EMBARRASING!

People, get some sense. Undeadies? Do We Have No shame? We cannot keep telling ourselvs that just because we are not the ones Drawing Final Fantasy 7 characters having sex with each other we are better than them. THIS HAS TO STOP EVENTUALY!

[Closak]

*Sets Oooohaloophole on fire and feeds him to the ABD*

Eat up girl, you need some more meat on your bones

[Zanaril]

I write what the characters/story wants me to write. In fact, I feel another non-canon but potential fic coming on...

*simultaneously squees and retches*

I figured you'd want me to focus on my current stuff before flitting off to other things.

I think everyone assumes you have a To-Do list where everything goes to be used eventually.

It really says something about this thread when someone's able to casually remark on the possibility of a foursome with two people and their daughter and son-in-law. (And for it to be slightly plausible.) Incest for the win! :D

Well, we've already had twincest...

And they'd have to come to terms with the fact that, every time they have sex, two untouchable ghosts are probably watching.

And that many of the times they have had sex, there have been two invisible ghosts watching.

If/when she opens up to Redcloak about this, he'll need to proceed with extreme caution. Vaarsuvius didn't do herself any favors by letting this secret burrow and fester. Something's waiting to snap.

What would it take for V to bring the subject up?

And how would V react if the illusions started showing her Aegidius' friend?

Needless to say, Redcloak will probably need to answer a lot of questions he's not going to like.

Such as the circumstances under which they met. No, he's not going to be happy with the idea of someone having keeping V prisoner, even if nothing particualy bad happened at Reddy's hands. That's before you get onto the whole being Evil thing.

Aarindarius will be able to pick out the scars on Vaarsuvius's cheeks. It doesn't take too much deduction to figure out where and when they came from.

He's not going to be happy.

Ooh, I forgot about the scars. And somehow I don't think saying "I haven't hurt her since I started sleeping with her!" would do much in Reddy's favour.

How much do you think it would take for Aandy to actually threaten Reddy?

What's even worse is that I'm unintentionally developing ideas of making it work. I feel unclean.

*hands Water-Smurf a bucket of brain bleach and a scrubbing brush*

Don't worry, we're well equipt to help people deal with that.