Crack Pairings VIII - We Need A Half-Elf Template

[Water-Smurf]

I've been thinking it over, and I have the answer.

Miracle and Resilient Sphere

So he would basically request that the Dark One stick V in a magic prison that would keep her put and keep Xykon from being able to get to her?

I have to wonder about the Dark One's opinion on all this is, actually. It's distracting and dangerous for his prophet to have this relationship with an elf, the enemy. Would he really do anything at all to help extend their affair?

why would Tuski try to HELP V? thats what i wanna know.

You're a guy, so it's understandable if you don't get it. There's a sense of solidarity among women, even the women that hate each other. It's the solidarity that makes the bitterest high school rivals get each other tampons when certain 'gifts' come off schedule, or that makes us band against boys who gravely wronged one of us, even if we don't really know the girl he wronged. It's a sense of sympathy and respect: girls can be catty, but we know the horrors the female body makes each of us go through, and we'll help with that.

When a mature woman sees a pregnant woman, there's an understanding about it and an instinct to help that woman out, regardless of how little you like them. It's a part of the female culture if you will. Consider the refusal to help a pregnant fellow female to be the Moral Event Horizon of women. It's just something you don't do, the same way you just don't deny someone, even a complete stranger that came up to you in the mall, a spare pad or tampon.

(Yes, yes, I know that there are intricacies of the female and male cultures that we don't understand if we're not a part of it, but think of this as part of that.)

The Scribble would be utterly jubilant that Soon seemed to be finally getting over Mijung.

I can see Serrini being especially enthusiastic, but if Lirian's and Dorukan's love is as strong as they say it is, they are probably the ones who understand the magnitude and significance of his budding relationship the most, and they would probably be the most understanding of his doubts. (Somehow, I see Lirian being more likely to say anything, though.)

The Order are going to be rather surprised. Those that remember still think that V is married, and might tactically try to bring that up. Also, the idea of V in a relationship with anyone would seem weird to them.

And Belkar might get jelous.

I see Belkar trying to get on Soon's nerves the same way he did with Miko, only Soon is probably a lot more patient than Miko was. After Vaarsuvius gives the inevitable curt 'My old marriage is not an issue any longer' to the Order, Belkar would probably fall back on making her the subject of a lot of innuendo when V wasn't around but Soon was. Somehow, I think Soon would have a lot less patience for that.

Hopefully they can begin to repair the damage before it gets anywhere near as bad as it did in PM canon.

Assuming no one gets killed or imprisoned for too long, they'd be able to mend the damage pretty easily. Octavius may be a bit distant from Soon, but he's charismatic enough to win the kids over after a while, and they probably would come to like him. Inky would be upset, but if he got a chance to talk to V about everything alone, he would be able to get by with therapy and pills for the trauma from the dragon, and probably be able to come off of that in a few years.

I just hope that V would actually talk to them - at least to Haley - instead of just continuing to alienate herself. She needs a friend for when Reddy can't be there.

I don't think they'd let her alienate herself. They've seen what that did, and now Haley's here with the Power of Friendship and Roy's there with the Power of a Good Charisma Score. They'd drag her out of her shell kicking and screaming if they had to.

You'd have to ask someone more familiar with thins kind of stuff. All I know is that V can't Plane Shift, and there's a margin for error when Plane Shifiting, meaning Reddy can't even be completely sure of where he's sending her.

Hmmm...

It would. I'm thinking more that if it's obvious Team Evil are winning, Reddy would... I don't know, maybe create a distraction so they could escape?

What, like flipping an odd switch or something?

If he suspected they'd do the same thing the next time they met the Order, he'd be sure to make it clear what the penalty would be.

What would he do? Gouge out another eye? I don't see a blind lackey being too useful.

That would depend what point in their relationship they were at, and also how V felt about it. If they were still at the stage where they just needed the companionship, I think Soon would feel very guilty about it, and would obviously offer her support whatever she chose to do. If it looked as though their relationship was going to be a long-term thing, and assuming V was okay with the prospect of having a kid, I think he'd be rather excited about being a father.

Yeah. After living and dying without any kids and being certain you would never have any, the prospect of having one would be pretty exciting, wouldn't it? It would probably warm up even Girard's bitter heart.

Although, knowing me, something would probably go wrong. Health problems, anyone?

But how would V cope if they were just companions at that point? I doubt she would be too pleased if Soon started treating her differently or especially delicately or, gods forbid, acted like any actual feelings were blooming between them because of the baby. She would probably try to push him as far away as possible, and he'd probably need to remind her a couple of times that this was his baby too, and even if they had had no intention to stay together and she wanted him to leave, baby or no, as a paladin he was honor-bound to do the right thing.

[Lycan 01]

I love how my ideas and questions are just ignored in favor of other conversation topics. Thanks guys, love ya'll, too.


See if I write any hot elf action for ya'll any time soon, then...

[Draconi Redfir]

rhh dont feel bad Lycan. i feel invisible sometimes too. just gotta live with it :P

[Sereg]

@Lycan 01: To be fair I did respond to your earlier post. Anyway, I enjoyed your V x Elan fic so I'm sure I'd enjoy a sequel to it. Personally, however, I don't often volunteer advice though, as I feel that the author understands his or her characters better than I ever could.

[The Succubus]

Ladies and Gentlemen, I proudly present the crowning glory of all pairings unnatural and nausea inducing:

The Squickie Awards

Lovingly handcrafted by the amazing Lord Herman, this fine statuette will soon be gracing the signature of one lucky Crack Pairing author and hopefully many more as the year progresses.

So to get the ball rolling April's Squickie competition is for a Crack Pairing with an "Easter" theme to it. This could be anything from Haley and Durkon getting it on in bunny outfits or the Eye of Fear and Flame cozying up to a chocolate egg - be creative!

Closing date for the April Squickie is Friday the 23rd April.

Blah Blah Rules Blah Blah

1) Stories are a one-off - no episodic sagas here please.
2) Stories should aim to be *roughly* 300-500 words in length.
3) To be sure that your story is accepted place the following text outside of the spoiler box, in red: This is <Insert Name Here>'s entry for the <Insert Month Here> Squickie Award.
4) Two judges have been confirmed so far and hopefully we'll find a third soon.
5) One entry per person. We mean it. Seriously.
6) The awards will use a "rolling judge" - we find some guy in a wig and shove him down a hill. Failing that, the winner of the award will join the judging panel for the next month.

[licoot]

Ladies and Gentlemen, I proudly present the crowning glory of all pairings unnatural and nausea inducing:

The Squickie Awards

Lovingly handcrafted by the amazing Lord Herman, this fine statuette will soon be gracing the signature of one lucky Crack Pairing author and hopefully many more as the year progresses.

So to get the ball rolling April's Squickie competition is for a Crack Pairing with an "Easter" theme to it. This could be anything from Haley and Durkon getting it on in bunny outfits or the Eye of Fear and Flame cozying up to a chocolate egg - be creative!

Blah Blah Rules Blah Blah

1) Stories are a one-off - no episodic sagas here please.
2) Stories should aim to be *roughly* 300-500 words in length.
3) To be sure that your story is accepted place the following text outside of the spoiler box, in red: This is <Insert Name Here>'s entry for the <Insert Month Here> Squickie Award.
4) Two judges have been confirmed so far and hopefully we'll find a third soon.
5) One entry per person. We mean it. Seriously.

Can you enter with art, or do you have to use storys

[The Succubus]

Stories for this month but perhaps next month will be an artwork theme.

[Draconi Redfir]

still think the winner of the squickie should get to judge the next one, this allows a fair chance for eavryone, since no one will be able to get the award twice in a row

[The Succubus]

Updated rules.

[licoot]

Stories for this month but perhaps next month will be an artwork theme.

Wait, so if that were to happen would it be both art and stories or just art.

[The Succubus]

Probably just art. I know everyone is keen to have lots of different categories but I think that's why my first attempt at this kind of nose dived - it got too complicated. Once the Squickies are going well, then we'll see about doing this, that and the other but for now I want to keep it simple.

[Zanaril]

This is Zanaril's entry for the April Squickie Award.

Spoiler

Show

Vaarsuvius reached into the brightly coloured foil wrapper, and with delicate fingers broke off a piece of chocolate egg. Even in the shade of the tavern the chocolate was melting in the desert heat, and as Belkar watched the elf brought the chocolate to its lips, tongue slipping out to lick it off with agonising slowness. As a finishing touch, the elf slipped each sticky finger into its mouth in turn to lap up the last of the bitter sweetness.

The elf then repeated this ritual, without even looking up from the book held in the other hand. Seated a short way along the bench at the other side of the table, Belkar was uncomfortably aware of how much he was reacting to all this. Vaarsuvius seemed to be oblivious to the attention.

Belkar didn’t like his attention going unnoticed. Besides, he had a sneaking suspicion that the elf was doing this on purpose, which was absolutely unacceptable. Nobody was allowed to be that tempting and without consequences. Pushing his empty beer glass to one side, he scooted along until he was sitting directly opposite the red robed mage, who continued to ignore him. He cleared his throat loudly.

“Hey, ears! I want some chocolate too!”

Vaarsuvius looked up from the book with an eyebrow raised nonchalantly, and observed him in a way than made the Halfling feel he was being read like a spellbook. “Certainly you may have some.”

Triumphantly Belkar reached over towards the chocolate egg, but the elf smacked his hand away. “Not like that.”

Vaasuvius was holding out a piece of chocolate towards him, which was already starting to melt against the elf’s fingers. Belkar stared.

“You’re kidding.”

“I am not.” The wizard replied, mouth curling into the hint of a smirk. “I will not have your grubby hands near my food.”

“But yours are okay?”

“Naturally. Now be quick or this is going to melt.”

Curiously the Halfling leant forward and curled his lips around the elf’s fingers, and licked the chocolate from each slender fingertip. After a moment he sat back, licking his lips and watching Vaarsuvius’s face for any hint of a reaction. The elf appeared unfazed.

“What was that about?” He demanded as the elf’s hand reached towards the chocolate egg again.

“You asked for it.” Vaarsuvius said, leaning forward across the table. “Now would you like some more?” the elf enquired, and placed a piece of chocolate between its lips.

I love how my ideas and questions are just ignored in favor of other conversation topics. Thanks guys, love ya'll, too.

Did someone say something?

Sorry, we kinda get caught up in the discussion sometimes.

Basically, V decides she has to break up Elan and Haley, and somehow Belkar gets involved. She either decides to do it because she can't stand to see Elan with another woman, or she finds out that Haley is just using Elan and doesn't really love him. And somehow Belkar gets involved - voluntarily.

So, what should her reasons be?

Maybe V gets completely fed up of Elans foolishness, and thinks Haley feels the same but just doesn't want to make Elan sad?

I have to wonder about the Dark One's opinion on all this is, actually. It's distracting and dangerous for his prophet to have this relationship with an elf, the enemy. Would he really do anything at all to help extend their affair?

I don't think he would stop Reddy helping V unless something he tried to do would be directly detrimental to The Plan. But at the same time, he wouldn't grant Reddy any favours for her sake. At least not unless it wouldn't be a risk to what they're working towards.

After Vaarsuvius gives the inevitable curt 'My old marriage is not an issue any longer' to the Order, Belkar would probably fall back on making her the subject of a lot of innuendo when V wasn't around but Soon was. Somehow, I think Soon would have a lot less patience for that.

V would be the subject of Belkar's teasing too.

And remember that once Soon finds out that Belkar is evil, he's not allowed to associate with him, which could cause some problems if he's trying to travel with the Order.

Hmmm...

Is that the sound of plot bunnies spawning?

What, like flipping an odd switch or something?

Or aiming a few fireballs and the surroundings, or casting a spell that obscures visibility.

What would he do? Gouge out another eye? I don't see a blind lackey being too useful.

Whatever he normally threatens Reddy with. Maybe threaten Gobbotopia?

Although, knowing me, something would probably go wrong. Health problems, anyone?

If they were in the Snarl'd world there would be a distinct lack of medical supplies and clerics...

She would probably try to push him as far away as possible, and he'd probably need to remind her a couple of times that this was his baby too, and even if they had had no intention to stay together and she wanted him to leave, baby or no, as a paladin he was honor-bound to do the right thing.

In contrast to how she herself was rather lacking when it came to looking after her adopted kids.

[Water-Smurf]

I don't think he would stop Reddy helping V unless something he tried to do would be directly detrimental to The Plan. But at the same time, he wouldn't grant Reddy any favours for her sake. At least not unless it wouldn't be a risk to what they're working towards.

Well, I doubt he would do anything to directly hurt V--Redcloak's on a thin string after the whole Right-Eye thing--but do you think that the elven gods would start complaining about one of their people associating with the Dark One's high priest? (If worse came to worse, I suppose V can always convert since she doesn't care much about religion, but it could still be an issue...)

V would be the subject of Belkar's teasing too.

He's going to be fireball'd, isn't he?

And remember that once Soon finds out that Belkar is evil, he's not allowed to associate with him, which could cause some problems if he's trying to travel with the Order.

Belkar could always use the lead sheet again... Or Soon could avoid Detecting Evil on them for that reason...

Is that the sound of plot bunnies spawning?

That's the sound of Smurf trying to think of an idea.

Or aiming a few fireballs and the surroundings, or casting a spell that obscures visibility.

That could work too.

Whatever he normally threatens Reddy with. Maybe threaten Gobbotopia?

Or he can always bring up Right-Eye. What, is the elf tramp who spreads her legs for him sometimes more important than his baby brother?

If they were in the Snarl'd world there would be a distinct lack of medical supplies and clerics...

And Lay on Hands is pretty limited...

In contrast to how she herself was rather lacking when it came to looking after her adopted kids.

He probably wouldn't bring that up, but he'd think it. He's a paladin with an iron-clad code of honor--he got her pregnant, so regardless of how little she wants his help, he is going to give it to her.

[Lix Lorn]

I like Zanaril's Squicky.

I think Belkar would need the lead sheet once, and Soon would avoid trying again cause he knew Belkar was evil, but didn't KNOW.

[half-halfling]

This is Zanaril's entry for the April Squickie Award.

Spoiler

Show

Vaarsuvius reached into the brightly coloured foil wrapper, and with delicate fingers broke off a piece of chocolate egg. Even in the shade of the tavern the chocolate was melting in the desert heat, and as Belkar watched the elf brought the chocolate to its lips, tongue slipping out to lick the chocolate off with agonising slowness. As a finishing touch, the elf slipped each sticky finger into its mouth in turn to lap up the last bit of bitter sweetness.

The elf then repeated this ritual, without even looking up from the book held it the other hand. Seated a short way along the bench at the other side of the table, Belkar was uncomfortably aware of how much he was reacting to all this. Vaarsuvius seemed to be oblivious to the attention.

Belkar didn’t like his attention going unnoticed. Besides, he had a sneaking suspicion that the elf was doing this on purpose, which was absolutely unacceptable. Nobody was allowed to be that tempting and without consequences. Pushing his empty beer glass to one side, he scooted along until he was sitting directly opposite the red robed mage, who continued to ignore him. He cleared his throat loudly.

“Hey, ears! I want some chocolate too!”

Vaarsuvius looked up from the book with an eyebrow raised nonchalantly, and observed him in a way than made the Halfling feel he was being read like a spellbook. “Certainly you may have some.”

Triumphantly Belkar reached over towards the chocolate egg, but the elf smacked his hand away. “Not like that.”

Vaasuvius was holding out a piece of chocolate towards him, which was already starting to melt against the elf’s fingers. Belkar stared.

“You’re kidding.”

“I am not.” The wizard replied, mouth curling into the hint of a smirk. “I will not have your grubby hands near my food.”

“But yours are okay?”

“Naturally. Now be quick or this is going to melt.”

Curiously the Halfling leant forward and curled his lips around the elf’s fingers, and licked the chocolate from each slender fingertip. After a moment he sat back, licking his lips and watching Vaarsuvius’s face for any hint of a reaction. The elf appeared unfazed.

“What was that about?” He demanded as the elf’s hand reached towards the chocolate egg again.

“You asked for it.” Vaarsuvius said, leaning forward across the table. “Now would you like some more?” the elf enquired, and placed a piece of chocolate between its lips.

This was awesome, and totally squicky . I think Zanaril set the level of this competition very high.

[CoffeeIncluded]

Now that is squicky! (I'm still unaffected though. )

[Lix Lorn]

...does it show the level of my squick save that I thought it was cute and didn't even think of it as squicky? XD

[Debatra]

Well, I doubt he would do anything to directly hurt V--Redcloak's on a thin string after the whole Right-Eye thing--but do you think that the elven gods would start complaining about one of their people associating with the Dark One's high priest? (If worse came to worse, I suppose V can always convert since she doesn't care much about religion, but it could still be an issue...)

There's nothing in Miracle's description that says he couldn't try to make his case to the Dark One. I imagine he'd cast some kind of spell ahead of time that would let them talk it over.

Belkar could always use the lead sheet again... Or Soon could avoid Detecting Evil on them for that reason...

Then again...

Or he can always bring up Right-Eye. What, is the elf tramp who spreads her legs for him sometimes more important than his baby brother?

...Is this the same conversation as the one in which Vaarsuvius is pregnant with Reddy's child, or did I miss something?

[Closak]

Anyone think that an ABD/Hydra pairing is any good? I'm working on one right now.

Do want

*Drools*
Mmmm ABD...

[Lix Lorn]

You think anythingABD is hot. You'd support RockABD.

[Closak]

Yes, yes i would.

Hehe, rock...

[Water-Smurf]

There's nothing in Miracle's description that says he couldn't try to make his case to the Dark One. I imagine he'd cast some kind of spell ahead of time that would let them talk it over.

Talk it over with the deity he's been worshiping and dedicating his life too since birth? I'm not sure if he really has the spine for that. Beg, maybe? Give his reasons then wince and wait for the Dark One's decision? I can see him doing that.

Then again...

That gives him a neat little legal excuse to not investigate Belkar's alignment further.

...Is this the same conversation as the one in which Vaarsuvius is pregnant with Reddy's child, or did I miss something?

I took on the speech patterns/thought process Xykon did in that statement. It's not what I think, but what Xykon would say.

The reality is that there is a serious difference here: Right-Eye was Reddy's blood, yeah, and his baby brother, but at the same time, he was an old man with a decade, max, left to him and he didn't have much of anything to leave behind (unless you count his daughter, who was already out there being taken care of by someone else). I'm not saying that his murder was okay, but his death wasn't as big a tragedy as it would have if he died as a child or when he and Redcloak were in the jungle. Vaarsuvius is still young, they're in love, and she's carrying Redcloak's baby. You can argue that, at this point, her life is more valuable than Right-Eye's was, and maybe should be more valuable to Redcloak himself.

Xykon can't appreciate the difference. What he sees is Redcloak putting more value on some booty call that is producing a growing pile of cells than he did on his flesh-and-blood, thick and through thin little brother. He sees Redcloak giving more thought to a prostitute than his family and Xykon doesn't have the ability to see the depth and various dimensions to the issue, and he doesn't have the ability to understand love. So he treats it how he sees it.

[Lix Lorn]

XD Fanboy. ;P

[Taekwondodo]

Ladies and Gentlemen, I proudly present the crowning glory of all pairings unnatural and nausea inducing:

The Squickie Awards

Lovingly handcrafted by the amazing Lord Herman, this fine statuette will soon be gracing the signature of one lucky Crack Pairing author and hopefully many more as the year progresses.

So to get the ball rolling April's Squickie competition is for a Crack Pairing with an "Easter" theme to it. This could be anything from Haley and Durkon getting it on in bunny outfits or the Eye of Fear and Flame cozying up to a chocolate egg - be creative!

Blah Blah Rules Blah Blah

1) Stories are a one-off - no episodic sagas here please.
2) Stories should aim to be *roughly* 300-500 words in length.
3) To be sure that your story is accepted place the following text outside of the spoiler box, in red: This is <Insert Name Here>'s entry for the <Insert Month Here> Squickie Award.
4) Two judges have been confirmed so far and hopefully we'll find a third soon.
5) One entry per person. We mean it. Seriously.
6) The awards will use a "rolling judge" - we find some guy in a wig and shove him down a hill. Failing that, the winner of the award will join the judging panel for the next month.

Squeee! Contest! With award!!! SQUEEE!

*coughs*

'scuse me I have to think of a story now *scuttles off*

[Debatra]

Talk it over with the deity he's been worshiping and dedicating his life too since birth? I'm not sure if he really has the spine for that. Beg, maybe? Give his reasons then wince and wait for the Dark One's decision? I can see him doing that.

Nowhere did I imply that it would be a healthy debate between equals.

I took on the speech patterns/thought process Xykon did in that statement. It's not what I think, but what Xykon would say.

The reality is that there is a serious difference here: Right-Eye was Reddy's blood, yeah, and his baby brother, but at the same time, he was an old man with a decade, max, left to him and he didn't have much of anything to leave behind (unless you count his daughter, who was already out there being taken care of by someone else). I'm not saying that his murder was okay, but his death wasn't as big a tragedy as it would have if he died as a child or when he and Redcloak were in the jungle. Vaarsuvius is still young, they're in love, and she's carrying Redcloak's baby. You can argue that, at this point, her life is more valuable than Right-Eye's was, and maybe should be more valuable to Redcloak himself.

Xykon can't appreciate the difference. What he sees is Redcloak putting more value on some booty call that is producing a growing pile of cells than he did on his flesh-and-blood, thick and through thin little brother. He sees Redcloak giving more thought to a prostitute than his family and Xykon doesn't have the ability to see the depth and various dimensions to the issue, and he doesn't have the ability to understand love. So he treats it how he sees it.

Just making sure. Unfortunately for me, I'm only just starting the reading of your V/Reddy fics.(I haven't even finished In the Arms of Morpheus yet). I don't yet fully understand everything in it's proper context.

...Or is this entire conversation hypothetical, and I'm just showing my inexperience?

[Taekwondodo]

(The Hydra + (Gender-switched (Monster in the Dark + Haley's Dad + Lord Kubota))) + (Gender-switched (Roy's sword + (Haley + The Cliffport chief of police + The Eye of Fear and Flame)))

Anyone? Will give (virtual) cookie to someone who writes this!

[licoot]

(The Hydra + (Gender-switched (Monster in the Dark + Haley's Dad + Lord Kubota))) + (Gender-switched (Roy's sword + (Haley + The Cliffport chief of police + The Eye of Fear and Flame)))

Anyone? Will give (virtual) cookie to someone who writes this!

I'm confused

[Debatra]

I'm confused

Uh... I think he means

Hydra/Gender-switched MitD/Gender-switched Haley's Dad/Gender-switched Lord Kubota

with

Gender-switched Roy's Sword/Gender-switched Haley/Gender-switched Cliffpord Chief/Gender-switched Eye of Fear and Flame

I can't be entirely sure, though.

[Taekwondodo]

Uh... I think he means

Hydra/Gender-switched MitD/Gender-switched Haley's Dad/Gender-switched Lord Kubota

with

Gender-switched Roy's Sword/Gender-switched Haley/Gender-switched Cliffpord Chief/Gender-switched Eye of Fear and Flame

I can't be entirely sure, though.

She. It's right there under my avatar...

It's what I got on the roller. Without brackets:
The Hydra + Gs Monster in the Dark + Gs Haley's Dad + Gs Lord Kubota + Gs Roy's sword + Gs Haley + Gs The Cliffport chief of police + Gs The Eye of Fear and Flame
In any combination that you want!

[Draconi Redfir]

Question: dose the story NEED to be easter-themed? or can it be compleatly unrelaited? if not, can i just throw in a chocolate bunny somewere and get away with it?