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  1. - Top - End - #481
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    doliest's Avatar

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings IV - You Can't Unread It

    Well someone has to open this un-holy bottle of worms;
    GiriadXSoon


    I am unclean.
    Doliest's crimes against good taste
    Spoiler
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    An Uwe Boll fan, and proud of it. LONG LIVE THE BOLL!

    Also a Michael Bay fan.

    Likes Jar Jar

    Likes FATAL..... No, I'm sorry, but no. Everything else on this list? I like, but while I've done many horrible things in my life, I WILL NOT claim to like FATAL.



    Let's Playing Final Fantasy with extreme prejudice

    Quote Originally Posted by Cracklord View Post
    Forgive me, Mr Tolkien. You do not deserve what I now do to you.

  2. - Top - End - #482

    Default Re: Crack Pairings IV - You Can't Unread It

    Quote Originally Posted by doliest View Post
    Well someone has to open this un-holy bottle of worms;
    GiriadXSoon


    I am unclean.
    Standard Love/Hate relationship.

    Plus, they were traveling together for the longest time.

    I don't get why it's so 'unclean'.
    It's been a bit, GitP. If you're reading this, you're either digging through old stuff, or I've posted for the first time in forever.

    If you want to stay in touch, reach out to me on twitter (same username).

    The best answer is always to ask your DM.
    Unless you're the DM, in which case you should talk to your players.

  3. - Top - End - #483
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    Default Re: Crack Pairings IV - You Can't Unread It

    YES! I have finally found a pairing that might work! I haven't actually decided what the pairing is fully, but I do have somewhat of an idea. I do however, have a question for everyone here who has written a pairing. This will probably include Redcloak, and if anyone has a problem with that just say, and I can work around it.

  4. - Top - End - #484
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
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    Default Re: Crack Pairings IV - You Can't Unread It

    Quote Originally Posted by The Dark Fiddler View Post
    Standard Love/Hate relationship.

    Plus, they were traveling together for the longest time.

    I don't get why it's so 'unclean'.
    Because if I know my fanfiction tropes one person suggesting this is how we get something that ends up becoming Fanon...I'm not to blame if this gets out of hand.
    Doliest's crimes against good taste
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    An Uwe Boll fan, and proud of it. LONG LIVE THE BOLL!

    Also a Michael Bay fan.

    Likes Jar Jar

    Likes FATAL..... No, I'm sorry, but no. Everything else on this list? I like, but while I've done many horrible things in my life, I WILL NOT claim to like FATAL.



    Let's Playing Final Fantasy with extreme prejudice

    Quote Originally Posted by Cracklord View Post
    Forgive me, Mr Tolkien. You do not deserve what I now do to you.

  5. - Top - End - #485
    Ettin in the Playground
     
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    Default Re: Crack Pairings IV - You Can't Unread It

    Quote Originally Posted by Lawyergoblin View Post
    YES! I have finally found a pairing that might work! I haven't actually decided what the pairing is fully, but I do have somewhat of an idea. I do however, have a question for everyone here who has written a pairing. This will probably include Redcloak, and if anyone has a problem with that just say, and I can work around it.
    ABD/V and Mr Scruffy/Belkar are both on here repeatedly. I doubt anyone would object to Redcloak.
    [/sarcasm]
    FAQ is not RAW!
    Avatar by the incredible CrimsonAngel.
    Saph:It's surprising how many problems can be solved by one druid spell combined with enough aggression.
    I play primarily 3.5 D&D. Most of my advice will be based off of this. If my advice doesn't apply, specify a version in your post.

  6. - Top - End - #486
    Pixie in the Playground
     
    ClericGuy

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings IV - You Can't Unread It

    So I ended up with Nale and the Eastern Pantheon, on World 1.0.

    O.O

    ---------


    I Remember

    Sometimes, Nale dreams.

    He doesn't do it often. It's terrible, to dream when you are Evil; nothing but nightmares, memories of things you've done and pain you've caused and what awaits you after death. Being Evil is fun during the day but a bitch at night.

    But it's worse even then that, sometimes... when he remembers... something. Remembers something so profound that he wakes up in a cold sweat and Sabine just looks at him, wondering what the hell's gone wrong with him this time. He's never told her about the dreams- she suspects some childhood trauma or the like, but since he's never bothered her with it, his extraplanar lover leaves the issue be. He loves her for that, sometimes.

    But the dreams... they come, and when he awakens, he has the oddest thought fragments clinging to his mind... sometimes, sometimes, he has a thought fragment that says

    I am the leader of the

    But the next thought is not "the Linear Guild", as it should be, but rather,

    The Eastern Pantheon

    Who the hell is that? The Eastern Pantheon? Ridiculous. Nale had little truck with gods, but he knew enough to know that there were only three pantheons and none of them were in the East. The East was godless- literally.

    But why, then, does he sometimes wake up to a little floating surface memory-fragment that is angry, powerful, that says

    Behold my wrath

    And why, when that memory floats to the top of his mind, do his hands feel like they should have lightning in them?

    He does not know why and tries not to. The possible answers are... unknown, unknowable. He is Nale. He does not question himself.

    Even if, sometimes, the last memory fragment, the worst memory fragment floats up, and his heart jumps and jerks in his chest like it's beating its last and he sits up and nearly screams out the word

    Why?

    And he feels like that is the last word he said before death took him, but he's alive now, isn't that stupid to think? He hasn't said his last word yet, how can he have already said it? He's not dead.

    Right?

    (Sabine has never told him, but sometimes in his sleep Nale whispers the word " Zeus, my name was Zeus", and she just ignores it and holds him tight.)

    -----

    Thor looked down on the reincarnated Zeus from the heavens.

    " Sad," he muttered, shaking his head. Loki, floating nearby, overheard.

    " Thinking of Zeus again?" Loki said. " Be glad he's still around at all, I thought the Snarl had killed him."

    " It did kill him," Thor muttered morosely. " That boy has some of Zeus' divine memories, but none of his spirit. Zeus is dead. The power alone remains."

    Loki rolled his eyes. " I hate it when you get sober, you're always so depressing."

    Thor reached over and pulled a four-ton flagon of beer out of his celestial fridge and started to drown his sorrows.

  7. - Top - End - #487
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    Default Re: Crack Pairings IV - You Can't Unread It

    Quote Originally Posted by doliest View Post
    Well someone has to open this un-holy bottle of worms;
    GiriadXSoon


    I am unclean.
    Oh, that's easy. Can I do it? Please? Pretty please?

  8. - Top - End - #488
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    Default Re: Crack Pairings IV - You Can't Unread It

    I'm writer's blocking on a pairing, so I'll toss it out here for the wolves: V/Girard's Hologram, unrequited.

    Do what you will.
    [/sarcasm]
    FAQ is not RAW!
    Avatar by the incredible CrimsonAngel.
    Saph:It's surprising how many problems can be solved by one druid spell combined with enough aggression.
    I play primarily 3.5 D&D. Most of my advice will be based off of this. If my advice doesn't apply, specify a version in your post.

  9. - Top - End - #489
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    Default Re: Crack Pairings IV - You Can't Unread It

    Quote Originally Posted by Sstoopidtallkid View Post
    I'm writer's blocking on a pairing, so I'll toss it out here for the wolves: V/Girard's Hologram, unrequited.

    Do what you will.
    A writers block you say?

    Spoiler
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    My own webcomic. Idiosyncrasy.
    Paladin Academy: Chapter 2 Part 28

    *Avatar by Me*

  10. - Top - End - #490
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    Default Re: Crack Pairings IV - You Can't Unread It

    Quote Originally Posted by doliest View Post
    Water-Smurf:...I just realized you build up an interesting chapter and then end on a cliff-hanger....so I'm guessing you're an epic monster that feeds on despair.
    Damn! My secret's exposed! *scuttles away quickly to feed on other forums*

    Quote Originally Posted by doliest View Post
    Well someone has to open this un-holy bottle of worms;
    GiriadXSoon
    Assuming I'm still inspired when my finals and this concert thing are over, I'll pick this up too.
    Last edited by Water-Smurf; 2009-12-16 at 09:45 PM.

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    The April Squickies Award for Best Crack Pairing Story


    Thank you so much to Kaytara for the avatar! It's of Redcloak's and Vaarsuvius's love child.

  11. - Top - End - #491
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    Default Re: Crack Pairings IV - You Can't Unread It

    Quote Originally Posted by doliest View Post
    Well someone has to open this un-holy bottle of worms;
    GiriadXSoon


    I am unclean.
    It may even explain why there's now so much hate between them. Perhaps Soon couldn't live with Girard's "open relationship" thingy?

    Edit: Or maybe Kraggor was killed during one of their "sessions". Erotic asphyxiation?
    Last edited by Asta Kask; 2009-12-17 at 04:30 AM.
    Avatar by CoffeeIncluded

    Oooh, and that's a bad miss.

    “Don't exercise your freedom of speech until you have exercised your freedom of thought.”
    ― Tim Fargo

  12. - Top - End - #492
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    ClericGuy

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings IV - You Can't Unread It

    Screw it, I'm doing it. But I'm doing it in drabble format.

    God save me.

    Girard/Soon

    Ice

    Girard didn't like Soon when they first met- he was a damn paladin, after all- but discovering Soon was bisexual, like Girard himself, cracked the ice between them at least a little, and they started talking after that.

    Fury

    Soon raged constantly in battle, to the point that Girard joked that he had to have a few levels of Barbarian somehow; but when Girard found out about Soon's dead wife, who Soon could never recover- no Resurrections for her, she wasn't in the afterlife, she was just gone, the Snarl had killed her and wiped out her soul- he stopped bothering him for it.

    Stick

    Girard remembers the admittedly hilarious way he'd discovered Soon's sexual orientation.

    " You've got a stick up your ass, Soon!" Girard had yelled at him once when Soon insisted on the "proper" way of doing things- something about payment in a tavern or some such damn thing- and Soon had started grinning like a guy who knew a great dirty joke to tell but couldn't work up the nerve to say it.

    What the hell was wrong with him? " What are you grinning for?" Girard had asked.

    " I am just remembering," Soon said, " a terribly filthy joke an old ex-boyfriend of mine once told me involving much the same thing, but with an entirely different context."

    You could have ridden an army into Girard's open jaw right then.


    Surprises

    " You're gay?" Girard had said later on that night, since the idea of "tact" or "subtlety" belonged to lesser mortals. " That's a surprise. Doesn't your paladin codes prohibit such behavior or something?"

    " No," Soon said, and gave him an odd look. " And I'm not gay. I like women as well. I prefer to be... open, to love and life."

    " Huh. Color me surprised."

    Then Serini started a conversation with Soon about, if Paladins could be bisexual, did that mean they could be Chaotic, and Girard spent the rest of the night quietly musing.

    Appreciation

    Dammit, Girard thinks to himself, I hate paladins and authority figures and, well, Lawful people, period, but even if he's a blind madman who worships a bunch of barnyard animals, Soon's the ballsiest son of a bitch I've ever met.
    (It's not until later that Girard realizes that Soon's bravery is a suicidal bravery- Soon has nothing left to lose.)

    Healing

    " Bit of healing needed over here!" Girard yelled, as the cut on his side starts pouring blood- and Soon is there before Girard even knows it, touching him, healing him, and Girard is very surprised at himself for the grateful emotions- respect, admiration, and a tinge of something else- that flood through him.

    Hands

    All of their hands tell stories. Girard's are hard and strong, the hands of a man who has done many things. Serini's are light and nimble, the hands of a thief and a rogue. Dorukan and the elf have hands just alike- delicate and weak, if capable of breaking reality apart. The barbarian dwarf has blocky, tough hands, not flexible, but so very strong.

    Soon's hands are curiously soft and supple, almost like they have never noticed what Soon does on a day to day basis, and Girard finds himself wondering what it would be like to hold them.

    On Fire

    Girard is a firestarter, as is Serini. They go around doing mad, mad things, because it's part and parcel of who they are- they start fires, watch them burn, and they get burned in return.

    None of the others ever do anything but watch as the firestarters get into trouble... except Soon. He is their firefighter, he is the one who puts out the trouble, talks to the city guard and convinces them that no, Serini did not mean to cause a riot, and Girard's actions were perfectly justified at the time he did them, leave them alone.

    Girard hates to admit it, because he has always imagined himself as a free being, but he now sometimes wonders how he ever got along without Soon watching over him, like a benevolent deity Girard could almost worship.

    Later

    It's a year later when Girard finally asks Soon to go out with him, because a year of adventuring had taught Girard two things:

    1.) Your party is more important than any NPC- they will be with you forever;

    and 2.) All the women were taken. Even Serini, who'd taken with the barbarian dwarf.
    (And Girard had heard far too much about "improved Constitution scores" and "Dwarven endurance" for his own sanity.)

    So the only choice left in the party was Soon. Girard could have been awkward when he asked, but he was Girard, so he was blunt about it.

    Soon had gotten the oddest look on his face, but then he'd said, " Alright," and they'd went to a restaurant together, and when they got back didn't say anything... except "that was nice, we should do it again sometime."

    So they did.

    Chastity

    Soon laughs when Girard asks him about chastity, and says that a paladin's code demands he be just and honorable- chastity's an optional extra vow that Soon never bothered to take.

    Smite Chaos

    Serini asked them with her tongue all the way in her cheek if Smite Chaos could be used during a Grapple Check and Girard threatened to beat her to death with her own skull while Soon stifled a smile and replied, perfectly deadpan, that of course it could.

    Frontlines

    It didn't bother him before, but now when Girard sees Soon on the frontlines, his heart leaps in his chest whenever the enemy scratches or cuts or burns him, and Girard wishes he knew how to heal.

    Her

    " I wouldn't blame you if you were still thinking of her when you're with me," Girard says late one night, when the thought strikes him that Soon probably does. And he can't believe how small and weak that sounded of him- him! Girard! Who gave a damn about no one, was a free spirit in all his ways!- but Soon just wraps his arms tight around him and hugs him tight.

    " I am a paladin," Soon says, voice thick, " and that means I must be a better man than that."

    Mustache

    Soon refuses to shave his ridiculous mustache- Girard uses it to lead him around like a pony sometimes, because it's hysterical.

    Taken

    " I'm sorry, madam, I really am, and while you are a vision of radiant loveliness and you have done me great honor by giving me the offer, I- and you can have no idea how much this pains me to say this- am taken."

    Girard couldn't decide whether he was more stunned that the beautiful elven woman was after Soon or more pleased with Soon's response.

    Gods

    Girard sometimes thinks he's almost thankful to the gods, if just for giving him Soon.

    Arguments

    Girard hates arguing with Soon, because Girard does all the arguing- Soon listens and tries to be as reasonable as possible, and it makes Girard feel like an ass until he quits arguing and they start talking.

    Trap

    After it was over, and they'd all split up, Girard remembers making the trap in the desert... and hating himself for it. So petty. So stupid. Just... vengeful. Angry.

    And it wasn't for the dwarf at all.
    Last edited by Mr. Cales; 2009-12-17 at 10:33 AM.

  13. - Top - End - #493
    Pixie in the Playground
     
    Lizardfolk

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings IV - You Can't Unread It

    Quote Originally Posted by Mr. Cales View Post
    Screw it, I'm doing it. But I'm doing it in drabble format.

    God save me.

    *snip*

    Sorry, doliest, but I think this deserves to be spread and endlessly repeated until it has become Fanon.

    Mr. Cales, you just wrote me a new favorite crack pairing.

    *re-enters lurking mode*

  14. - Top - End - #494
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    ClericGuy

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings IV - You Can't Unread It

    Quote Originally Posted by Jackdaw View Post
    Sorry, doliest, but I think this deserves to be spread and endlessly repeated until it has become Fanon.

    Mr. Cales, you just wrote me a new favorite crack pairing.

    *re-enters lurking mode*
    I have a weird feeling that this exact quote will be read back to me when I die, when St. Peter has to explain why I'm never getting into heaven.

  15. - Top - End - #495
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
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    Default Re: Crack Pairings IV - You Can't Unread It

    ...If he doesn't Cale, let me warn you I will be doing so. Other than that, good story.
    Doliest's crimes against good taste
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    An Uwe Boll fan, and proud of it. LONG LIVE THE BOLL!

    Also a Michael Bay fan.

    Likes Jar Jar

    Likes FATAL..... No, I'm sorry, but no. Everything else on this list? I like, but while I've done many horrible things in my life, I WILL NOT claim to like FATAL.



    Let's Playing Final Fantasy with extreme prejudice

    Quote Originally Posted by Cracklord View Post
    Forgive me, Mr Tolkien. You do not deserve what I now do to you.

  16. - Top - End - #496
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    ClericGuy

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings IV - You Can't Unread It

    Quote Originally Posted by Silverraptor View Post
    A writers block you say?

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    I just found this to be too funny.

    Quote Originally Posted by Water-Smurf View Post
    Damn! My secret's exposed! *scuttles away quickly to feed on other forums*
    O no you don't! Get back here! You're not leaving! *Gets out the rope, net, gas mask, and sleeping gas*
    Your local Cleric.

    Cleric of the Murphy's Law Thread
    (yes, that is possible)

    "Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines."

  17. - Top - End - #497

    Default Re: Crack Pairings IV - You Can't Unread It

    Quote Originally Posted by Aaron View Post
    O no you don't! Get back here! You're not leaving! *Gets out the rope, net, gas mask, and sleeping gas*
    Bad Aaron! We treat others with respect here!
    It's been a bit, GitP. If you're reading this, you're either digging through old stuff, or I've posted for the first time in forever.

    If you want to stay in touch, reach out to me on twitter (same username).

    The best answer is always to ask your DM.
    Unless you're the DM, in which case you should talk to your players.

  18. - Top - End - #498
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    Default Re: Crack Pairings IV - You Can't Unread It

    Quote Originally Posted by The Dark Fiddler View Post
    Bad Aaron! We treat others with respect here!
    Yeah! Right up until we ship you with something tentacley!
    This post may contain sarcasm.
    DeviantArt

  19. - Top - End - #499
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    Default Re: Crack Pairings IV - You Can't Unread It

    *Ships Zanaril with Chtulhu*

  20. - Top - End - #500
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    Default Re: Crack Pairings IV - You Can't Unread It

    *Ships Closak with a polymorphed ABD*
    Doliest's crimes against good taste
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    An Uwe Boll fan, and proud of it. LONG LIVE THE BOLL!

    Also a Michael Bay fan.

    Likes Jar Jar

    Likes FATAL..... No, I'm sorry, but no. Everything else on this list? I like, but while I've done many horrible things in my life, I WILL NOT claim to like FATAL.



    Let's Playing Final Fantasy with extreme prejudice

    Quote Originally Posted by Cracklord View Post
    Forgive me, Mr Tolkien. You do not deserve what I now do to you.

  21. - Top - End - #501
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    Default Re: Crack Pairings IV - You Can't Unread It

    Quote Originally Posted by Zanaril View Post
    Yeah! Right up until we ship you with something tentacley!
    Or drug you. Y'know, whichever comes first.

    ...And that is how I met your father.

  22. - Top - End - #502
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    Default Re: Crack Pairings IV - You Can't Unread It

    Quote Originally Posted by doliest View Post
    *Ships Closak with a polymorphed ABD*

    *Does the dirty with ABD*

    Thank ye kindly good sir

  23. - Top - End - #503
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    Default Re: Crack Pairings IV - You Can't Unread It

    Quote Originally Posted by CheeseMuncher View Post
    Or drug you. Y'know, whichever comes first.
    It's one then the other.

    Quote Originally Posted by Closak View Post
    *Ships Zanaril with Chtulhu*
    You spelt his name wrong.

    Didn't he dear?

    ((apocalyptic sound of agreement))

    *goes back to making out*

    Quote Originally Posted by Closak View Post
    *Does the dirty with ABD*
    Do you know what she was polymorphed as?
    Last edited by Zanaril; 2009-12-17 at 05:36 PM.
    This post may contain sarcasm.
    DeviantArt

  24. - Top - End - #504
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    Default Re: Crack Pairings IV - You Can't Unread It

    Very true.

    ...And that is how I met your father.

  25. - Top - End - #505
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    Default Re: Crack Pairings IV - You Can't Unread It

    ....I really should have seen that last one coming; unfortunately I lack forsight. Oh well on the plus side the old media table stuck me in a situation where I was paired and it couldn't get worse.
    Doliest's crimes against good taste
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    An Uwe Boll fan, and proud of it. LONG LIVE THE BOLL!

    Also a Michael Bay fan.

    Likes Jar Jar

    Likes FATAL..... No, I'm sorry, but no. Everything else on this list? I like, but while I've done many horrible things in my life, I WILL NOT claim to like FATAL.



    Let's Playing Final Fantasy with extreme prejudice

    Quote Originally Posted by Cracklord View Post
    Forgive me, Mr Tolkien. You do not deserve what I now do to you.

  26. - Top - End - #506
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    Default Re: Crack Pairings IV - You Can't Unread It

    Quote Originally Posted by doliest View Post
    ....I really should have seen that last one coming; unfortunately I lack forsight. Oh well on the plus side the old media table stuck me in a situation where I was paired and it couldn't get worse.
    Oh yeah, that time when you shipped yourself with Dracula. *nostalgia*
    Last edited by Zanaril; 2009-12-17 at 05:35 PM.
    This post may contain sarcasm.
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    Default Re: Crack Pairings IV - You Can't Unread It

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    Who could have suspected that he this would happen?
    Not Redcloak for certain.

    He didn't quite remember how but somehow he had managed to get himself stuck in a unusually huge building out in the middle of nowhere, (Not the country) the whole thing having been covered up by hundreds of tons of snow, courtesy of an avalanche.

    To make matters worse no one knew he was out here so it was unlikely that rescue would be coming anytime soon, not to mention that someone had put an anti-scrying spell over the place...which did not bode well come to think of it.

    He resigned himself to the fact that he would be stuck there for a very long time.

    Ah well, might as well explore the rest of the building, at least food and water wouldn't be a problem because you know, cleric!

    He certainly did not expect to come upon a BIG...FREAKING...BLACK...DRAGON in what looked like some sort of bed chamber.

    Not good. Not good at all.

    "Unholy Dark One..."


    Uh...yeah.

    Part 2 coming...some other time

  28. - Top - End - #508
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    Default Re: Crack Pairings IV - You Can't Unread It

    Quote Originally Posted by The Dark Fiddler View Post
    Bad Aaron! We treat others with respect here!
    What is this "respect" of which you speek?

    Quote Originally Posted by Zanaril View Post
    Yeah! Right up until we ship you with something tentacley!
    I fell off my chair laughing at this. *cast shipping immunity, just to be safe*
    Your local Cleric.

    Cleric of the Murphy's Law Thread
    (yes, that is possible)

    "Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines."

  29. - Top - End - #509
    Orc in the Playground
     
    Meg's Avatar

    Join Date
    Jun 2009
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    Minnesota, ya?
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    Default Re: Crack Pairings IV - You Can't Unread It

    Quote Originally Posted by Aaron View Post
    What is this "respect" of which you speek?
    *dope slap* This respect, stupid! Yes, yes, not funny, I know. You can't blame me for trying.

    ...And that is how I met your father.

  30. - Top - End - #510
    Colossus in the Playground
     
    CoffeeIncluded's Avatar

    Join Date
    Oct 2009
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    Default Re: Crack Pairings IV - You Can't Unread It

    *Walks in eating a bag of cookies*

    ...

    *Checks expiration date on bag of cookies*

    ...

    *Turns around and walks out*

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