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2015-01-29, 05:16 PM (ISO 8601)
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Horrible DnD Jokes. (may also except good DnD jokes)
Dascarletm, Spinner of Rudiplorked Tales, and Purveyor of PunsThanks to Artman77 for the avatar!
Extended Signature
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2015-01-29, 05:18 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Feb 2014
- Location
- Sovereign State of Denial
Re: Horrible DnD Jokes. (may also except good DnD jokes)
Cyclops sends a love letter, "I've got my eye on you."
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2015-01-29, 05:19 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Oct 2010
- Location
- a nice pond
Re: Horrible DnD Jokes. (may also except good DnD jokes)
The one I share every time this topic comes up, from Lore Sjöberg:
A fifth-level paladin drives his car to the repair shop.
He gets out and says to the mechanic "It's really weird. Normally I fight for justice and righteousness, but every time I get in this car I have this incredible urge to run over old ladies, drive way past the speed limit, and pick up hitchhiking demons. Can you help me?"
The mechanic looks the car over and says "Yeah, I see what the problem is. Your alignment's off."
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2015-01-29, 05:24 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Sep 2013
Re: Horrible DnD Jokes. (may also except good DnD jokes)
why did i just chuckle at that....
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2015-01-29, 05:27 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Jan 2006
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Re: Horrible DnD Jokes. (may also except good DnD jokes)
I actually did this to a party.
They landed in Limbo (the plane), and found themselves in an arid, sand-desert terrain. A little red Slaad with a pointy hat reacted to their presence by hiding. When they found her, she used her Sandshaper powers to try to drive them off. "Go away!" "Don't give away my hiding place!" "eep!" were common lines.
Eventually, they moved on and decided to just leave the chicken slaad sand witch alone.
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2015-01-29, 07:29 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Sep 2009
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- Minot, ND
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Re: Horrible DnD Jokes. (may also except good DnD jokes)
Why did the fey cross the road?
To get to the other sidhe.Last edited by gorfnab; 2015-01-29 at 07:29 PM.
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2015-01-29, 07:32 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Feb 2007
Re: Horrible DnD Jokes. (may also except good DnD jokes)
What do D&D characters wear when they go golfing?
+4s.Marut-2 Avatar by Serpentine
New Marut Avatar by Linkele
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2015-01-29, 07:55 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Jun 2005
- Location
- Seattle, WA
Re: Horrible DnD Jokes. (may also except good DnD jokes)
Unfortunately, "sidhe" is pronounced "shee": http://www.giantitp.com/forums/shows...0&postcount=10
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2015-01-29, 08:22 PM (ISO 8601)
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- Feb 2009
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Re: Horrible DnD Jokes. (may also except good DnD jokes)
How many adventurers does it take to change a light bulb?
SpoilerAll of them. NEVER split the party!In the Beginning Was the Word, and the Word Was Suck: A Guide to Truenamers
My compiled Iron Chef stuff!
~ Gay all day, queer all year ~
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2015-01-29, 08:37 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Nov 2014
Re: Horrible DnD Jokes. (may also except good DnD jokes)
A gnome bard, a halfling rogue, and a half-orc fighter are captured by bandits and brought into the woods for execution. The bandit leader calls the gnome up to the firing squad. "Any last words?" "Nope" replies the gnome. "Alright. 3...2...1..." "EARTHQUAKE!" the gnome yells. Succeeding his bluff check, the bandits turn and look in fear, and the bard runs away. Next up is the halfling. As the squad is about to shoot, he yells "TORNADO!" He also succeeds, and the bandits turn around and he runs away. The half-orc fighter has seen them do this, and gets an idea of how to escape. "Any last words?" "No." "3...2...1..." As the bandit says one, the fighter yells "FIRE!"
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2015-01-29, 11:54 PM (ISO 8601)
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- Sep 2009
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- Minot, ND
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Re: Horrible DnD Jokes. (may also except good DnD jokes)
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2015-01-30, 12:10 AM (ISO 8601)
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- Aug 2014
Re: Horrible DnD Jokes. (may also except good DnD jokes)
That lich has no nose!
How does he smell?
He stinks!
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2015-01-30, 12:22 AM (ISO 8601)
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- Feb 2013
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- Saint Paul, MN
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Re: Horrible DnD Jokes. (may also except good DnD jokes)
One day in Sharn, a farmer and his son are walking around.
They watch as a grizzled old half Orc woman gets onto a lift. The lift travels to the very top of the tower and comes back down. To the farmers surprise, the half orc is gone and replaced by a beautiful, golden-haired elf woman.
The farmer grabs his son by the shoulders and says "get your mother."To the Hilt -- An Eberron Campaign Journal
83% of DMs are good at math. If you're one of the 29% that isn't, copy and paste this into your signature.
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2015-01-30, 12:25 AM (ISO 8601)
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- Feb 2013
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- Saint Paul, MN
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Re: Horrible DnD Jokes. (may also except good DnD jokes)
Also, what do you call a Medium Aberration that is an amorphous blob with the ability to drive you insane with its constant gibbering?
My MOTHER IN LAWTo the Hilt -- An Eberron Campaign Journal
83% of DMs are good at math. If you're one of the 29% that isn't, copy and paste this into your signature.
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2015-01-30, 01:36 AM (ISO 8601)
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- Nov 2013
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- Pennsylvania, USA
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Re: Horrible DnD Jokes. (may also except good DnD jokes)
What do you call a gnome diviner/necromancer who's on the run from the authorities?
SpoilerA small medium at large!
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2015-01-30, 01:59 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Jul 2013
Re: Horrible DnD Jokes. (may also except good DnD jokes)
What pre-rolled character does the crappy lawyer play? 'Dis bard.
A prince decides to become a druid. Where does he buy his books? Bears & Nobles.
What do you call a durable set of wizard robes? Can't rips.
A crappy cleric is just like a poorly trained dog. Neither knows how to do anything but heal.
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2015-01-30, 07:24 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Mar 2013
- Location
- The Lost Woods
Re: Horrible DnD Jokes. (may also except good DnD jokes)
That lightbulb one was hilarious.
These are from a set of badges of "x's do it z" and unfortunately I can't remember all of them. Do pipe up you know more of these.
Rogues do it from behind.
Paladins do it for your own good.
Cavaliers do it on horse back.
Elves have done it for centuries.
Druids do it in the forest.
SpoilerFight of course."I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that I don't know the answer."
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2015-01-30, 08:13 AM (ISO 8601)
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- Nov 2013
Re: Horrible DnD Jokes. (may also except good DnD jokes)
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2015-01-30, 08:40 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Feb 2014
- Location
- Sovereign State of Denial
Re: Horrible DnD Jokes. (may also except good DnD jokes)
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2015-01-30, 08:56 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Dec 2005
- Location
- In the playground
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2015-01-30, 09:25 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Jun 2014
Re: Horrible DnD Jokes. (may also except good DnD jokes)
I actually laughed. You don't have to.
Warlocks can do it all day, but repetively.
Binders invite other people to help doing it.Last edited by nerghull; 2015-01-30 at 09:30 AM.
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2015-01-30, 09:26 AM (ISO 8601)
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- Jan 2007
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- Sweden
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Re: Horrible DnD Jokes. (may also except good DnD jokes)
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2015-01-30, 09:49 AM (ISO 8601)
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- Apr 2013
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Re: Horrible DnD Jokes. (may also except good DnD jokes)
Why are adventurers always welcome in towns?
Because they're a wandering party.
What monster can you bring on board ships and planes?
A carry-on crawler.
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2015-01-30, 10:28 AM (ISO 8601)
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- Nov 2014
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Re: Horrible DnD Jokes. (may also except good DnD jokes)
Oracles do it spontaneously.
Alchemists do it with potions.
Inquisitors do it with heretics.
Magi do it two ways.Spoiler: Quotes!
Pink is Neutral Evil, because reasons.
Exalted Monk Avatar by ThePrez1776
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2015-01-30, 12:39 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Sep 2011
Re: Horrible DnD Jokes. (may also except good DnD jokes)
Avatar of Rudisplork Avatar of PC-dom and Slayer of the Internet. Extended sig
GitP Regulars as: Vestiges Spells Weapons Races Deities Feats Soulmelds/Veils
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2015-01-30, 12:43 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Apr 2014
Re: Horrible DnD Jokes. (may also except good DnD jokes)
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2015-01-30, 12:53 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Dec 2010
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2015-01-30, 12:58 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Apr 2014
Re: Horrible DnD Jokes. (may also except good DnD jokes)
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2015-01-30, 01:04 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Oct 2014
Re: Horrible DnD Jokes. (may also except good DnD jokes)
So a four man party consisting of a cleric, fighter, wizard, and rogue was out adventuring one day and the cleric gets killed.
With no one else to ressurect their friend, the cleric's spirit gets sent to whatever afterlife awaits him.
So the party gets a replacement, another cleric who is mostly the same but with a different name and a few other tiny differences.
That guy gets killed, so the party has to get another cleric yet again.
And then he dies off, forcing the party to get another new healer.
Strangely, they don't question why each and every new face is so similar to the friends they lost much earlier. People think they might all be from the same family.
SpoilerA little joke about the tendancy of parties to have their "builds" planned out and having niches setup to make each member irreplaceable. As a result, when someone dies and can't be revived, he doesn't really die.Last edited by Almarck; 2015-01-30 at 01:06 PM.
I possess the Addicted to Editing flaw. I have edit my posts 3 seconds after posting them for 10 minutes.
Current Projects:
Backing Dragon: the Inheritance - World of Darkness Fan game where you play a dragon
Mutant - Be a horrible abomination of a player character. Comes in a variety of flavors.
Proprietor - Bring a House to a Sword fight! Be the adventuring interior/exterior decorator. Use siege weapons, customize your hour.
Extended Signature
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2015-01-30, 01:06 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- May 2007
- Location
- The Land of Cleves
- Gender
Re: Horrible DnD Jokes. (may also except good DnD jokes)
An old classic:
Human: Hey elf, you look like a girl.
Elf: To a human, everything must look like a girl.
Human: What?
Elf: Half-orcs, half-ogres...
Human: ...shut up.
Dwarf: Half-dragons, half-kobolds.
Human: I said shut up!
Elf: ...
Dwarf: ...
Human: ...
Elf: Centaurs...Time travels in divers paces with divers persons.
—As You Like It, III:ii:328
Chronos's Unalliterative Skillmonkey Guide
Current Homebrew: 5th edition psionics