Crack Pairings V - We Revel in Infamy

[The Dark Fiddler]

...You sure all the ones you read had genderless mons?

Not all of them, but some of them.

Fans come up with some weird sh...tuff..

[Oooohaloophole]

I'll put in my own two cents on same-sex relationships, for what it's worth.

I don't really do same sex pairings because I find them attractive. Rather, I do it because I'm a hopeless romantic, and I think that love is beautiful no matter what form it takes (usually). As goofy and stupid as that sounds, it's the truth. There's a lot to both love and hate about, well, love.

Love can both heal and open wounds. Love can bring you to the peaks of hope and drop you into pits of despair. Wars can both start and end for the sake of love.

Love can eternally damn you. Love can redeem.

Really, I have no clue how common my point of view is, but I really don't give a damn about whether or not you love someone of an opposite gender or of your own, as long as you're both consenting. I guess I'm just a crazy lovesick fool, all told.

Now if you'll excuse me, I have to get back to nursing my bottle of porter.

If thi is how grown ups act I might as well commite suicide now...

[Raging Gene Ray]

I don't really do same sex pairings because I find them attractive. Rather, I do it because I'm a hopeless romantic, and I think that love is beautiful no matter what form it takes (usually). As goofy and stupid as that sounds, it's the truth. There's a lot to both love and hate about, well, love.

I enjoy them for both reasons. The HAWTness factor is just the icing on the cake. And fics that rely solely on the HAWTness factor, to me, are like eating a bucket of icing.

And thank you for Orphans.

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You really captured one of the reasons I think Miko was unable to admit she had done wrong. Doing so would cause her to collapse the way she did and her denial was a defense mechanism.

One nitpick I have is this: Shojo mentions that he's "already appeared to one crazy person today." I assume that means Belkar. So that would make it only a day or two before the Darth V arc.

But V left the ship the day after Kubota was killed...so that means Therkla would have had to stay with Miko for the entire time that V was alone on the deserted island. Did I miss that time skip?

And Miko seeing her former self and wanting to slap her was good...but the parts of the vision were confusingly worded...could Mini-Miko talk to Present Miko?

[Water-Smurf]

V's parents are messed up.

Oh, they just have very liberal views of everything. ^.^

I agree with EVERYTHING you say, yet with NOTHING you say. Yess trust the person who killed your parents, what a pricket (Female Prick). You meen the guy who activly tries to rule the world? DUUUUUUUUH what can go wrong with that. Nothing to hide, HE IS A SORCERER LICH! GIRL GET A BRAIN! WHY WOULDNT HE LIE TO YOU (WITH HIS HIGH CHARISMA SCORE)! (I know he didnt but still). Anyway your story kicks ass, Tiasal better think for a sec (HMMMMMM, if he killed my parents would he kill me? I wish there was a stupid smiley).
So yeah.

She knows that Xykon won't kill her for as long as she's useful to him, and quite honestly, he likes her. (Well, as much as he's capable of, anyway.) She's restrained, manipulative, capable of handling the painful truth in a way her father wasn't, and first and foremost, interesting. As long as she doesn't do anything that really pisses him off, he's happy to groom her as an apprentice. She's a perceptive and intelligent girl, so she's able to see this easily.

And it's not that she trusts him to have her best interests in mind or anything. She trusts him to remain consistent and honest. As long as he is that way, she is tentatively starting to see him as a role model. She's not angry about him killing her parents--he killed a lot of people--but she's angry about the huge gap they leave in her self-image. Xykon is her rock in a very confusing time.

And she has a high rank in Sense Motive. Sure, Xykon may have a tongue of silver (relatively speaking), but Tiasal, for all her faults, is hard to get something past. And she's a little too confident in her ability to sense lies.

And im giving salinah a major flaw, lust for killing (The same one I have)

Why does she have this lust? What form does it take? Flesh it out a little--no one likes killing just for the sake of killing (except Belkar). It always has a bigger reason. It usually comes down to the desire for and to express power and control over another person, if there isn't a logical motive to kill.

Firstly, I'm amazed you managed to pull that off without it being unbearably cheesy. Well, maybe not that amazed, but you still got the interactions down very well.

You sure it wasn't cheesy? I don't know, I felt a little like I was going to gag when I wrote out some parts...

Secondly, I find V's parents bizzarely endearing for some reason. Still creepy, but they're so enthusiastic and open-hearted about trying to help.

I guess that that's the point of their characters and the source of V's ambivalence towards them. They're good people and they have nothing but the best intentions, but they just don't go about it the right way. Too bad Reddy thinks that they're rapist pedophiles now.

Now I rather want to see a famility reunion with them; it would probably end up as the dire half-dragon version of The Talk.

With visual demonstrations.

Exactly. And they'd probably do it at some point when they managed to catch V and Reddy naked.

You know they would.

Reddy and V should really look into getting a better protection spell. (Which reminds me, I'm surprised V didn't have any siblings. You would have though her parents would have loved to have as big a family as possible.)

They really should, but those two are always going at it--those spells are just statistically supposed to break. Besides, with the cultures they both come from, it's possible that they'll decide to have more kids anyway. I imagine elves and goblins having traditionally giant families, only elves have it spread out over several different marriages during the lifetime and goblins only have one. They'd have to think of a way past the whole 'pregnancy is really bad for V' thing, though...

My theory is that there was an issue with one of the parents' reproductive organs and, with all their sex, they could only have Suvie fully to term. Sad, yes, but they showered all the love they had for many children onto her.

Lastly, I'm amusing myself imagining what Aandy's reaction to being asked was.

Hey, how do you think they became friends?

I don't have any specific ideas unfortunately, but then I'm not good at making dialogue flow realistically. Maybe saying that since V seems to be so willing to sleep with anyone else she meets, she should have been willing to have sex with Inky more often since she was actually married to hir? Commenting that hir should have been more demanding with V?

Maybe tweak the language to sound more derogatory and it'll seem like Kyrie saw V as little more than (eh, might as well use a 'he' if I'm going to say this) his, ah, 'organic fluid receptacle.' Reddy would get pissed at that. I have an idea of how to make Kyrie actually sound that way while being in character, but it'd be a little difficult...

I wonder, could this come up in the conversation? Presumably Inky is clueless about it. On one hand, it might be something Reddy will absoloutley not mention to anyone else unless V has brought the subect up.

On the other hand, he might assume Kyrie already knows...

Wait, you think that V would tell Redcloak? Before several years of a close relationship had passed and Vaarsuvius got over a lot of the issues in regards to secrets and vulnerability?

If he was already in an emotionally shaky state, s/he'd probably cry. Maybe run out of the room first, maybe not.

I feel bad for Kyrie.

Wait, how would Aarindarius react if he was involved in this? Without knowing before?

Soo... Everyone will hate me for this but: I like V's family before Reddy's. Not that I approve of such behaivour. They shouldn't be that much but they have a nice relaxed way. Reddy's just stuck up.

Reddy's family has had to deal first-hand with the abuse elves and humans make goblins go through. It's cost them all their lives, innocence, and hope. They have a good reason to be angry and to dislike V. Personally, I'm not sure if I made them hung-up enough on that fact, but I guess that they've had years to get used to the idea...

While V's family hasn't had to deal with species-ism close-up and they're hugely liberal, they're less likely to care about race and species.

I'm working on all the other stuff. Don't worry. ^.^

[Oooohaloophole]

Xycon?Consistent? AAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH, ooooh let me take a deep breath here. Ok wheres the hidden camera (I hope you get your story still kicks ass).

As abou the fleshing im sorta torn between revealing it too early or screwing up if i got it wrong. It sorta has to do with her suddenly giong numb and loosing total control her body as she excrivates somebodies body only to find that spending her entire child life in the city of redempion was not enough to suppress the natural demonic urges.

Anyway.....LITERARY SNEEK ATTACK! (By the way tiasal is growing V will oulive her.)AHAHAHAHAHAH (Pweez give me suggestions)

[CoffeeIncluded]

Oh, they just have very liberal views of everything. ^.^

No. My parents have liberal views of everything.

This is "How often can we have sex, where can we have it, who can we have it with, and what "implements" and spine-contorting positions can we use?"

Exactly. And they'd probably do it at some point when they managed to catch V and Reddy naked.

You know they would.

They really should, but those two are always going at it--those spells are just statistically supposed to break.

You know, this always seems to happen to elves. In my comic a minor character--An elf wizard--Got pregnant despite FOUR protection spells!

Also, I would really, REALLY like to see the reunion on the elf side. If only for the funny.

Oh, and Kyrie and the kids too.

Hey, how do you think they became friends?

This is the part where I politely ask (Read: Grab you by your shirt collar and demand) you to do a V's parents/Aarindarius story.

[Dark_Stryke]

Xycon?Consistent? AAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH, ooooh let me take a deep breath here. Ok wheres the hidden camera (I hope you get your story still kicks ass).

You know, laughing at someone's well reasoned explanations and asking "where the hidden camera is" is rather rude. Adding a compliment does not negate a personal attack. I'm sure there's a more tactful way you could phrase your comments. Think a little before hitting that post button, please.

As abou the fleshing im sorta torn between revealing it too early or screwing up if i got it wrong. It sorta has to do with her suddenly giong numb and loosing total control her body as she excrivates somebodies body only to find that spending her entire child life in the city of redempion was not enough to suppress the natural demonic urges.

I honestly have no idea what word "excrivates" is supposed to be, and I'm almost scared to find out. Anyway, not to knock your ideas or anything, but I find that giving characters the same flaws/ambitions/whatever as me is something of a bad idea. I've seen a lot of author avatars that become horrible mary sues. That said, the idea of living with a "cursed" nature has some potential, and if done properly, could make for a very entertaining work.

Oh, and if you're only going to respond to one bit of someone's post, could you trim out the parts you're not responding to (like I did with yours)? It makes the thread far easier to read.


Edit:
Water-smurf: I am seconding Coffee's shirt-grabbery.

[Yiuel]

Another one. Therkla/(Secret)

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"Therkla!!!!!"

Here I am, in the middle of planes I'd rather have never wish to know to exist. What the hell am I thinking.

But I did it. One plane shift, and now I am hiding of all those fiendish things. Let's hope they won't care about me. Sorry guys and gals for what I did, but I had to go along the evil path to at least be secure here. We'll meet later.

Now, the powerful scry. Let's go for it, it should be easy know. I practiced and trained a lot just for that. Do I have something? Yeah! There she is. Now, the journey.

---

This place is really Hell. Even if I made sure I had an evil aura around me, I still have to hide the best I can. I took all those expensive skill points in hide just for that.

I've been walking for months already. I know I am near her now, I should try the second scry I had saved. Well here she is. I know where to go now. Let's go, the last few miles.

---

I can see her. I gotta make sure I look as good as I can. She looks so miserable here. Let's go.

"Hmm, hey, you, hmm..."

Woah! She jumped and turned around. Gotta have good tumble with her.

"Wait, wait! Aren't you Therkla?"

Phew, she seemed to freeze upon hearing that name.

"Yeah, my name's indeed Therkla. How do you know it? Why are you after me."
"Well... It happens that... Well no. Well. Okay. I like you. Well, more than that... I love you. And I saw you die. And I made sure I'd be able to come to you and, well, bring you back with me."
"What?!?"
"I know, I don't have that guy's, what's his name? Elan, yeah. I'm not as handsome. But... Oh, sorry."
"Elan."
"It's just that I couldn't reach you, before you died. And well, look at me, I don't think girls would be interested in someone like me."
"So, you're here for... me?"
"Well, not exactly. I took the time to find many things before coming. And all that I need, is to be sure that, well... You'd like to be with me. Forget about your old master, he's dead himself. Forget about what you did, I want to offer you a second chance."
"A second chance. But Elan said he had a girlfriend."

I knew she would still be remembering him. I'm no match to his handsomeness I suppose. I let myself fall on the ground, in front of her.

"This is what I supposed. You still love him too much. I am... I am... Oh, well, I guess I'll just go back."
"How do you know all that?"
"Well, it happens that I'm a big fan of yours. And I thought that I'd be happy to spend a life with you. See? I trode a long way to get to you. I love you."
"You love me?"
"I crossed Universes, I walked on planes that I suppose I should have never known about. Weeks have I spent here, looking for you. I just hoped I could give you the second chance that, well, I think you are worth."
"And now? Do you plan to live here with me? In this damned hell?"
"Oh, I've got better. But promise me that if someone calls for you, Jump at It. Promise. Say, 'I promise.'"
"I promise."

---

I hope I was able to convince her. I knew I had prepared my planeshift back when she's promise. Here am I now, back to the Material Plane. And all that I have planned shall unfold. I am waiting. Is it already here? I knew it would be quick though. I asked to be given only one word.

"Positive."

I had prepared the spell. "Teleport". And here am I, right in front of the temple. I was anxious, she would be getting out soon. And here she was. She was dressed in a priestess's robe. It was lovely on her, really. I approached her, slowly.

- Hi, Therkla.
- I remember you, you're the plane traveller from, well, that painful place!
- Yeah... I am grateful that you answered to my call.

I kneeled in front of her.

- Please accept to be my friend. I had hoped at least that, in my heart. I'll try to give you a good life, but we have a long way to go.

I raised back to meet her gentle eyes.

- Do you accept?
- I accepted your gift already back then. Now, what is the long way you are speaking about?
- My second gift. Let's go.

[Kyronea]

Oh, and this is the first request I did. :> Meeting the in-laws. I'm not sure how happy I am with the quality, but I've edited it over and over, so I'll put it out here.

I'm calling it Bridge Across the Stars. Why yes, I love cheesy names that make vague references. Why do you ask?

Oh, and this isn't necessarily cannon to PM. It's a very optimistic view of what may happen. Enjoy!

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“Ah don’ think tha’ I’ve ever met two people more reluctant t’ see their family! An’ tha’s sayin’ somethin’!” Durkon ushered Redcloak forward, grumbling softly, obviously completely comfortable with his former enemy after living so many years in close quarters with him. “We all ‘ave t’ do it! Ye’ve been married fer three years now—time t’ meet yer in-laws an’ face yer parents aboot th’ one ye love.”

“There’s the little issue of my family and in-laws being dead…”

Durkon scowled, pulling out a sack of materials no one cared to name and letting it down on the table. “Yer an epic-level cleric ‘oo lives next t’ another epic-level cleric. Tha’s nah an excuse! ‘Specially wit’ all those visits ye make t’ yer family alone…”

He rolled his eyes, pulling small artifacts of magical or religious importance from the bag. “It’s bad enough tha’ ye dinnae ev’n try t’ git yer parents’ blessin’s fer th’ marriage… If ye dinnae git it, ye coulda always eloped… Maybe nah th’ most honorable thin’, but at least it’d be appropriate fer th’ situation…”

Vaarsuvius rolled violet eyes before picking Tiasal up and hugging the silent girl close, glancing over at her dryly. “Do you believe we have an excuse for not seeing your grandparents?”

Tiasal frowned, looping her arms around her mother’s neck and snuggling close, Vaarsuvius’s belly not yet so swollen that it would be difficult, and Blackwing shifted a little on the elf’s shoulder to allow the little girl’s arms better access. “Wouldn’t they hate you and me for being elven?”

“Oh, they’ll love you, Tia.” Redcloak kissed the top of her head lightly. “Me and your mother, on the other hand…”

“You do wonders for my confidence in this endeavor, my love,” Vaarsuvius said dryly.

“I’m sure your parents will have a bad reaction too. Don’t worry; it usually happens to inter-species couples.”

“On the contrary, Redcloak, in regards to my parents, I am more concerned about your reaction.” Vaarsuvius looked down at Tiasal, a smile playing over pink lips. “Even if they were alive, I doubt that I would have wanted them too close to us. They were loving people to be sure, but their attention had the tendency to drift.”

Tiasal arched an eyebrow.

“I am sure you will understand soon enough, child.” Vaarsuvius kissed her forehead. “Oh, and if they wish to demonstrate ‘the beauty of love’, do not let them.”

Durkon and Redcloak exchanged confused glances, then shrugged, returning to preparing the spell. Tiasal smiled, giggling softly and nuzzling her mother’s neck, nodding her assent.

Durkon laid out two candles and small idol to the Dark One. Redcloak glanced at the other cleric in surprise, recognizing the favor done. It was difficult for any devout cleric to carry around, let alone provide the idol to another god, especially one of the opposite alignment. “Thank you, Durkon.”

“Yer callin’ yer family t’ introduce yer wife an’ yer firstborn t’ them. No thanks needed.” Durkon dipped his head. “Ye c’n do the spell on yer own?”

“Of course. Thank you again.”

Durkon smiled, taking a moment to affectionately ruffle Tiasal’s hair before leaving.

Redcloak glanced over at Vaarsuvius, smirking and one eyebrow raised. “They can’t show her ‘the beauty of love’? Dare I ask what that means?”

“I shall explain it at some later date, my love. Preferably when I am appropriately intoxicated.” Vaarsuvius knelt down, putting Tiasal on the ground and kissing her cheek. Blackwing let out and approving warble, giving Tiasal an affectionate nip on the ear before his master straightened. “Rest assured, Little Tiasal, you shall be acquainted with your blood grandparents, aunts, and uncles soon enough, but I believe that we must make them go through degrees of gaining this knowledge.”

Redcloak tousled her wild hair gently, running his fingers lovingly through the soft strands. “I’ll talk to the goblin side of the family first before I introduce you or your mother, okay? They’ll love you as much as we do, I promise, but I’ve never lied to you about the racial rift between goblins and elves, so you know that it may be a little difficult.”

Tiasal shook her head. No, he had never lied about it. Neither had her mother.

Quite frankly, she was a little surprised that they would be meeting the family so soon. Redcloak had only been trying to mend the broken bridges for three years—long enough to start the healing, but not quite long enough to completely reconcile with everyone, his little brother especially.

Though maybe she was wrong about that. After all, whenever Tiasal’s youngest uncle came to visit her alone in the field, he had taken to calling Redcloak ‘Big Brother’ again.

“Well, Tiasal and I shall depart from now. We will only be outside the room—come and tell me when you feel that they are ready to meet me, then Tiasal, we shall introduce you.” Vaarsuvius straightened, looping one arm around Redcloak’s neck and kissing him tenderly. “Perhaps, if we are lucky, no racial slurs will be thrown.”

“Hey, I’m sure that they’ll keep it clean. Mostly.” He smiled down at his wife, kissing back gently. “I love you. Whoever can’t accept that now will come around eventually.” He patted the small of his wife’s thin back. “I should hurry and do this spell. My mother’s nothing if not enthusiastic about the possibility of grandkids, and she won’t appreciate me putting off the summoning anymore.”

“We shall leave, then.” Vaarsuvius wrapped her robes tighter around herself, and Redcloak noted that her robes seemed to show off her femininity a little more. They weren’t revealing by any stretch of the imagination but… even if he hadn’t seen her naked, he would have known she was a woman. Her pregnant belly was actually visible.

Vaarsuvius placed a hand gently on the back of Tiasal’s head, leading her out of the room. Redcloak turned to the task at hand.

Vaarsuvius closed the door behind them, turning a pale face a little to see Blackwing.

“Blackwing, would you please keep watch at the stairs and ward off anyone who may intrude at an inopportune time? Most are aware of what is happening, but our friends are not always the most attentive…” The elf touched that raven’s feathery head affectionately. “And I believe that you would be most content if you were not present for the meeting.”

The raven bobbed his head, giving Vaarsuvius’s ear a soft nip. “Thanks, V. I’ll make sure that Belkar or Elan doesn’t drop in or something.”

He hopped off of his master’s shoulder and flew down the hall out of sight. Vaarsuvius watched until he disappeared, lightly running delicate fingers through the little girl’s hair.

“Daughter, this may take a while. Your father has much to sort out with his family in regards to my species. They have reason to be wary of elves.”

Tiasal took a moment to decipher the Elven. The language was frustratingly complicated, though she had to admit that what it lacked in simplicity it made up for in precision. Though, precision be damned, she was having a much easier time of it conversing with her father in Goblin. (Apparently, her parents thought it was good if she learned her species’ languages. She preferred Common.) “…Yes, I know. We are not—”

Vaarsuvius lightly nudged her shoulder, a gentle reminder to speak Elven. She wouldn’t learn if she didn’t practice.

“We are not pure goblins. You are not goblin at all.” Tiasal hesitated. She had no doubt that her mother and father would be completely honest with her—that was the main reason she was actually making an effort to communicate more—but she had to take her time to work past the pain her disused throat put her through and gather up the words in Elven. (She had a feeling that her parents were actively trying to make her speak more. That was okay. How was she supposed to get to know them if she didn’t provoke their speech?) “Why did Daddy fall in love with you if he hated elves?”

Her mother paused, frowning thoughtfully. “He has changed exponentially since we met, Daughter. He was always a charming and clever man, but his self-proclaimed ‘species-ism’ held a much stronger grip on him then than it does now.” Vaarsuvius subconsciously traced little white lines on her cheeks, so small and unnoticeable that, even with knowing where they were, Tiasal couldn’t pick them out without proper lighting. They were scars. Presumably from her father’s claws.

She wondered how many times her father had stroked those same cheeks and apologized.

“He had difficulties with my being an elf, yes. I do believe he held a deep resentment against me for it. However, you must remember, Daughter, that prejudice does not make a monster out of everyone. He treated me civilly and as a person despite his anger. He treated me better than I believe I would have treated a goblin in the same situation.” The elf lovingly ran a hand through the girl’s hair. “Make no mistake: sometimes, one does have a choice in love. It may be difficult to control, but you can.”

Vaarsuvius kissed her forehead softly and sat down in a chair, letting the little girl climb into her lap. “It was not so with your father and me. The only way, I believe, that we could have curbed our feelings for one another would have been if your father had forced himself to drop any semblance of compassion, and though he was a villain, he was not a sociopath.” The elf got that vague rosy look in her eyes, that odd look that made Tiasal feel warm and reassured her of how much her parents loved each other. “At a certain point, I believe that he forgot that I was an elf and I forgot that he was a goblin. We both were what the other needed. Had it not been for your father, I would have perished a thousand times over. Had it not been for me, he would still be a slave to Xykon and working to control a deicidal abomination.”

The mage leaned back, letting the little girl snuggle up against the pregnant belly. “I do not know why he was able to look past my species. I do not think he knows either. I am glad that we were able to, however.”

“Do you or Dad regret me?”

Vaarsuvius glanced at the little girl, lightly resting a hand on the small of her back. “No.”

The mother and daughter stayed up against each other, sharing the warmth.

---

Redcloak tentatively opened the door. “Vaarsuvius, I think you should meet someone.”

Tiasal immediately climbed off of her mother’s lap. Vaarsuvius absently patted her head and walked to Redcloak, completely composed and immaculate despite the nervousness that was felt. Redcloak grasped her hand tightly, lacing their fingers together, and they exchanged reassuring squeezes before he pulled the elf inside.

“Vaarsuvius, this is my mother, my father, my uncle, my big brother, my sister, and my little brother. Guys, this is Vaarsuvius, my wife.”

Vaarsuvius looked around the room, committing all the faces of the ghosts to memory. The elf took care to pay extra attention to the goblin Redcloak had indicated to be his little brother. He looked young, around Redcloak’s biological age if not a little older, and an eye patch was covering up his left eye, a mirror to Redcloak.

He was smiling.

There was an awkward pause. The eldest brother hovered next to the window in front of Redcloak’s uncle, both goblin men studying Vaarsuvius, trying to figure out what to make of her. The youngest sister sat on the table, swinging her semi-transparent legs and holding a little doll on her lap. The two goblins that Redcloak had indicated to be his mother and father were silent in the shadows, bodies obscured. The youngest brother glanced around the room, realizing that no one was going to speak.

He clapped his hands together, the sound muted as though a blanket had been thrown over them. “I, for one, am glad to finally meet you. It gets annoying to only be able to watch and listen from the afterlife—I’d like to talk.” Redcloak’s little brother—Vaarsuvius hesitated to call him ‘Right-Eye’—floated closer, looking her up and down. “I have to say, I never saw Big Brother as a family man. I figured that he’d just marry his job and be done with it.” He smirked, winking at Vaarsuvius in a friendly manner. “Nice job whipping him into shape. Thanks.”

Vaarsuvius smiled. The elf understood the double-meaning. “Well, he was ready to change.”

Redcloak blushed a little, fidgeting awkwardly, but he relaxed when Vaarsuvius went on tip-toes and kissed his cheek.

The youngest brother’s acceptance seemed to bridge the gap between the living and the dead, if only tentatively. The ghost of the eldest brother was the next to float forward, his hesitance mostly hidden.

“Hmm.” He floated around Vaarsuvius and Redcloak, waiting a moment before giving his little sibling an incorporeal whack on the head. “Loosen up, Little Brother. We’re your family, not your employers.”

Redcloak looped his arm around his wife’s hips, able to give a small smile. “It’s a little nerve-wracking, Big Brother.” Nonetheless, he was relaxing.

“It’s not that bad. I mean, sure, I’d be nervous too, but you’re acting like you’re made of tin.” The eldest brother slipped back in front of them. “I gotta say—I can’t believe that you’re only just settling down. It’s been seventy years. Goblins aren’t even supposed to live that long.”

Redcloak shrugged, smile growing a little with his comfort level. “Well, better late than never, right?”

“Yeah, I guess, but you should seriously let us meet your wife and kid more often. You know how close-knit our family is.” The eldest brother crossed his legs in the air, leaning down, a smile playing over his face. “I want to be able to get to know my new sister and niece, you know?” His eyes drifted down to Vaarsuvius’s swollen belly, his expression getting softer. “And our new niece-or-nephew.”

Redcloak’s mother, staying in the shadows where it was hard to see her expression, made a jerking motion. Vaarsuvius wasn’t sure if this was a good thing or a bad thing.

“Uh, yeah.” Redcloak’s grip tightened reassuringly around his wife’s waist. “We’re expecting another kid.” Wasn’t exactly planned, but it’s coming anyway. “We think that we’ll try to do it right this time. Without being dead for fifteen years.”

“Tiasal is excited about the prospect.” Vaarsuvius subconsciously rested a hand on the swollen belly. “And Octavius and Terentius are eager for more siblings. We have a rather small family by elven and goblin standards.”

The youngest brother nodded his approval, keen on the idea of expanding the family. “Speaking of which, are we going to meet those two? Terentius and Octavius? I figure that if we’re trying to build up familial relations, we might as well include the stepfamily too…”

“Maybe next time, Little Brother. One thing at a time.” Redcloak smiled and nodded his thanks to his brother. It was nice to know that at least one family member was completely behind all the elven additions, including Inkyrius and the boys. Redcloak himself wanted to include his stepsons more, though he had no idea how.

The youngest sister hopped off of the table, floating around Redcloak and Vaarsuvius in circles. “So does this mean that you won’t be doing what the skeleton man says anymore, Big Brother?”

Redcloak took a moment to smile at her. She hadn’t changed at all since the day their home was attacked. He had once thought that he would be the same way, that the cloak would forbid any mental or physical change with him, but he knew from his missing eye and the hand he held tightly in his own that he had been wrong. “Yeah. I’m not doing what he says anymore.”

“And that’s what we’ve all been praying for.”

The ghost of the goblin that Redcloak had introduced as his uncle glided forward, smiling and crossing his arms. “Vaarsuvius. That’s your name, isn’t it?”

The elf nodded slowly. The older goblin took a moment, gathering his thoughts, and took an unnecessary breath to speak.

“Vaarsuvius, we all have wanted nothing less than for that bag of bones to be out of our family’s lives and that wretched Plan forgotten.” Every dead goblin in the room nodded in agreement. Redcloak shifted in embarrassment, but he knew the truth as well as any of them. “Anyone who can convince my nephew to do that—without even trying, no less!—has my wholehearted approval, no matter the species.” He crossed his legs, looking at Redcloak and arching an eyebrow. “Take good care of your family, kid. Your wife’s a catch and your daughter’s a blessing. Don’t lose them.”

Vaarsuvius chuckled softly. “I assure you, you give me too much credit.”

“Not enough.” Redcloak smiled lovingly at his wife, glancing over at his uncle with gratitude in his eye. “You don’t need to tell me that, Uncle. I know. I’m lucky I have her and Tia.”

“Speaking of Tiasal, I think that we’d like to meet her.” Redcloak’s uncle sighed softly and looked down, slightly shamefaced. “I’m afraid that we didn’t leave the best of first impressions on her.”

Vaarsuvius glanced over at the shadows where Redcloak’s parents still sat silently, noting the tension and put on edge by it. Everyone else obviously noticed it too.

Redcloak gave his wife a reassuring squeeze before letting her go. “Tia’s just outside. Do you think you can introduce everyone, V? I’ll catch up in a moment.”

“Of course, Red.”

Vaarsuvius slipped out, holding the door open unnecessarily for the ghosts to come through. The youngest sister, oblivious to the tension, happily floated through. The two dead brothers exchanged glances with each other before looking over at their parents, then followed their sister. The uncle gave his brother a meaningful look before he followed the children. Vaarsuvius closed the door behind them and was gone.

Redcloak fidgeted. “Mom, Dad, could you please come out where I can see you?”

The two ghosts slipped out of the shadows, his mother looking deeply distressed and his father stern.

His dad hadn’t changed at all since his death. He was still tall and foreboding. He still had a black goatee and molten eyes. He still made Redcloak want to slink away in shame for some undefined wrongdoing.

“Was that elf woman really married when you two started sleeping together?” was the first thing his father said.

There was a pause. “They were going through divorce proceedings…” Redcloak looked away, frowning at the wall. “But yes, she was.”

“She’s not worth you.” His mother let out a pained sound from the back of her throat, shaking her head and closing her eyes. “She’s just another round-tooth tramp and she’s carrying my baby’s child!”

“Mom, please don’t talk about her that way.” Redcloak crossed his arms, looking down and sighing. “Look, I know that you’re not happy that she’s an elf, or that she used to be married, or that she used to be an adventurer and enemy… but I’m happy. I wouldn’t change a thing.” He touched his cheek where the ghost of Vaarsuvius’s kiss lingered. “I’m not going to pretend that she’s flawless. She’s not, I’m not, and Tia’s not. But she’s the best thing that ever happened to me.”

“Then go grab a sweet single goblin girl and make her the best thing that ever happened to you! It’s not hard!” His mother floated forward, cupping his face in incorporeal hands. “Oh, my little boy… I can’t stand the idea of an elf in bed with my son…”

“Mom!” Redcloak jerked away, red flaring up in his face. “That part of our relationship is no one’s business but our own!”

“You should have thought of that before you got her pregnant the first time! Now everyone knows what you’ve been doing!”

She spat the words, making it sound like it was something dirty. Like it was something to be ashamed of. For the briefest moment, Redcloak could understand why it was shameful. He had defied the parents who loved him. He had done something unclean with someone he knew they would hate, and he continued doing it after the initial impetus wore off. Vaarsuvius’s swollen belly was the proof.

He then thought of the feeling of wholeness and pure, unadulterated love he got when he held his wife’s naked body in his arms. That wasn’t dirty. That wasn’t shameful.

Even if he inwardly winced at the utter cheesiness love had made him stoop to, it was true.

He could feel his mother’s power over him lessen. She had always been able to control him through guilt and shame when she wanted to. She couldn’t this time.

“We’re married, Mom.” Redcloak shook his head, wondering if he would be able to make his mother see what he saw in Vaarsuvius. “It’s not wrong to… you know… do things sometimes.”

His mother covered her ears, unaware of the revelation within her son. “I don’t want to hear this.”

“Son, beyond the elf thing, she has a record of betraying loved ones. She abandoned her last spouse and children for six years. Six years. Then she had an affair. An affair that ended with her pregnant while she was still married. Don’t be foolish and think that she’ll be different for you,” his father said, his arms firmly crossed.

“Affairs aren’t her. It’s not something she’s ever made a habit of. She was vulnerable and I was there for her.” He pulled at his ear gently before looking up at his parents square in their eyes. “Listen. I love you both and I know that you’re only looking out for my best interest. Please try to put her species and last marriage aside for now and let her prove herself. I don’t want anyone in our family to not like her, and I know that you won’t like her if you never give her a chance.”

His mother still looked distressed at the thought of anyone with pointy ears and round teeth being married to him, but his father looked like he was considering what was being said.

“Trust me when I say that marrying her was the one good decision I made after a series of bad ones. I don’t expect you to accept her or me for a while. I’ve done too much, and she’s too different. But for the sake of Tiasal… hey, you remember when you were always going on about grandchildren, Mom?”

This made his mother perk.

“Tia and our unborn child are your grandchildren, elven blood notwithstanding. For their sake, try to give it a chance.” She was quiet. “Please?”

There was a long silence.

“…My baby’s all grown up. Already has a wife and kids…” His mother sighed and slumped slightly in defeat. “You’re right. I don’t like it, but I’ll give your elf a shot. But only because you’re so heads-over-heels for her and, like it or not, she’s the mother of my grandchildren.” She looked over at her husband. “What do you think?”

“…I think that you should speak with our new daughter-in-law. And I should speak with our son.”

Redcloak winced in preparation. “Mom, please don’t intimidate her. She’s pregnant.”

His mother crossed her arms. “I’d say I know a fair amount more about pregnancy than you do, if the looks of you and your siblings have anything to say about it. She won’t be scared into a miscarriage.”

She floated through the wall, leaving Redcloak nervous for his wife.

Though, to be fair, Vaarsuvius had proven time and time again that she could handle herself. Maybe he should be more afraid for his mother.

“Son, we need to talk about something. Something that I died before being able to discuss with you years ago.”

Redcloak spun around, giving his father a flat look. “Dad, if you’re about to give me The Talk, it’s a little late. Uncle got it covered when I was ten if it makes you feel better.”

“Do you make love with this elf?”

Redcloak stared, face rendered expressionless. “…Dad, I have a kid with her. And a second one on the way.”

His father made a dismissive motion with his hand. “Son, you can get kids with sex. I’m talking about making love.”

The younger goblin took another long moment. “You have got to be kidding me.”

“I’m completely serious.” He crossed his arms. “I may be dead, Son, but I haven’t changed. Does it mean something when you touch her?”

“Dad, that’s not your business!” Redcloak face took an interesting pink-green color and he instinctively glanced around the room to make sure they were alone, holding his hands up. “Look, I know that you and Mom are going to be a little more concerned with details because she’s an elf, but can we keep the sex talk to a minimum? It’s bad enough that I have to deal with my brothers and Uncle…”

“I asked your little brother the same question about Ali. I made him answer, so I’m making you answer too.”

“Dad, I don’t want to—”

“Is she just a cheap tramp you married to take care of your child?”

Redcloak couldn’t keep from bristling. “Dad, don’t talk about her li—”

“Are you with her because you feel responsible for Tiasal and her mother’s death?”

“Of course I’m—”

“Does the fact that she betrayed her former spouse mean nothing to you?”

“Inkyrius is—”

“Would you have cared about her at all if she hadn’t gotten pregnant?”

“Dad, l—”

“Does it mean anything to you when you spend time in bed with her?”

“Of course it does!” Redcloak snapped, glaring at his father. “It does! It always has! I love her!” The younger goblin narrowed his eyes, quickly reining in his emotions and calming himself down, taking a deep breath and lowering his voice. “I know you want me to say that I just married her for Tiasal’s sake. You want me to say that the only reason I’ve married someone so ‘unacceptable’ is because my sense of honor and morality demands that I do. I’m not going to say that. I love my wife and my daughter, and after everything I’ve done, they’re the only ones who I don’t regret a thing about.”

He crossed his arms defiantly. “You’ve always been good at making me feel guilty and ashamed, Dad, but I’m not going to feel ashamed of the best thing that’s ever happened to me.”

His father was silent for a while.

“…You didn’t need to add a speech, Son. I only wanted to know that you weren’t marrying a woman for her body and the child you created together. No happy marriage is made that way.”

He floated to the door, one eyebrow quirked. “But it’s nice to know that you’re so passionate about your love for her. I think that I’d like to meet this new daughter and granddaughter of mine.”

Redcloak stared quietly in shock.

“Are you going to come with me or not?”

Redcloak jumped and quickly followed his father out the door.

---

Vaarsuvius suppressed a grimace when she found herself cornered by the white-haired goblin woman, privately glad that Tiasal was across the room, wrapped up with talking with her uncles. At least she wouldn’t witness her grandmother’s animosity towards her mother firsthand.

“You know that, if you weren’t already married and had a child and a second on the way, I would have told you to stay the hell away from my son, right?” she said in complete deadpan, though thankfully quietly enough to not alert any potential eavesdroppers.

“Ma’am, I have no doubt in my mind.” Vaarsuvius subconsciously rested a hand on a swollen belly. “The fact remains that it is not so easy.”

“It’s good to know that we’re on the same page, then.” The woman crossed her arms, frowning. “I can’t control my son. He’s lived without me and any other parental figure much too long for that. But you’d better treat him right. If I hear of you cheating on him or setting your murderous elf friends on him, I’ll make sure you regret being born.”

Vaarsuvius coolly raised an eyebrow. “I assure you that I do not make a habit of hurting those I love.” The elf smoothed her robe. “For my family’s sake, I wish to get along well with you and your husband. Perhaps this is too hopeful of me. Racial barriers run deep, and if they were an obstacle between me and Redcloak, then they shall be extremely difficult for me and his family to overcome. For his sake, I shall do my best.” The mage rested pale hands on a swollen belly. “Are we going to attempt to be friends, ma’am?”

The goblin woman stared, her eyes narrow. “You bore my grandchild.”

Vaarsuvius dipped a delicate head. “If my memory serves, yes.”

Redcloak’s mother paused, then slowly nodded. “You married my son. You gave birth to my grandchild. I’ll accept that you’re here to stay.” She held up one finger. “But remember…” her eyes narrowed, “you’re never going to be my daughter. And you’re never going to be family.”

Vaarsuvius raised an eyebrow, sighing softly. “I take this as a ‘no’ to the ‘attempt to be friends’ proposition.”

“Sister, enough.” Redcloak’s uncle floated beside his mother, frowning. Vaarsuvius jerked slightly, surprised that he had been paying attention to their conversation, and Redcloak’s mother frowned. “This is one of the few times we all can get to know our new family and reconnect with your son. Let’s not waste it on prejudice and hate.”

The goblin woman nodded, giving one last scowl at Vaarsuvius. “I think that I will become better acquainted with my grandchild.” She picked herself up and floated away towards her sons and granddaughter.

The uncle sighed, rubbing his head. “I’m really sorry about her, Vaarsuvius.” He turned so he was face-to-face with the elf, frowning. “The species difference is going to be harder for some people to get over than others.”

“I am willing to accept that.” Vaarsuvius shrugged. “To be quite honest, this has gone better than I expected. If my mother-in-law dislikes me, well, it could have always been the entire family.” The elf glanced over at her child, smiling to see Tiasal in happy animate conversation with her uncles. “And my daughter is bonding with her relatives. That is all I really wanted.” The mage looked back at Redcloak’s uncle, arching an eyebrow. “She needs the reassurance that she is loved by her family.”

He fidgeted, looking away ashamedly, but Vaarsuvius didn’t push.

“And she needs more good goblin role models.” Vaarsuvius smiled, eyes studying the ghost. “Redcloak was rather concerned about that. He doesn’t want her to go out into the world and hate what she is.” The smile faded for a moment. “I cannot say that I do not share in his worries.”

“Neither can I, or anyone else in our family, really.” The ghost goblin averted his gaze, frowning. “Life for a goblin isn’t easy. Life for a hybrid goblin is harder.”

Vaarsuvius took a moment to tighten her robe around herself. “I am confident that she will be capable of handling it. She is a strong girl.”

“I hope so.”

He started to flicker in place. He looked down in confusion, staring at his hands, before looking back up. “I think that time’s run out.”

“Yes, it has.” Vaarsuvius jumped a little in surprise at Redcloak’s voice, but was perfectly receptive when he wrapped an arm around slender hips. “I thought we had more time, but the spell’s going to stop in a few seconds.”

“Well, in that case, summon us again soon. It was nice to see family.”

The goblin smiled, waved, and disappeared with the rest of the ghosts.

---

Redcloak closed Tiasal’s door softly, feeling warm inside. A smile played across Vaarsuvius’s face, a pale hand reaching up and affectionately stroking the goblin’s face. “You always seem to glow when you say goodnight to her.”

“Well, I’ve got fifteen years to make up for.” He slipped his arm around the elf’s waist, leading her down the hall. “I never thought I’d have a kid, V. I don’t want to miss anything.”

“Red, do not be fearful of that anymore.” Vaarsuvius smiled, taking Redcloak’s hand and gently placing it on her swollen belly. “Neither of us is involved in something dangerous this time. We will be alive and present.” Vaarsuvius kissed Redcloak’s cheek lovingly. “And Tiasal will age slowly. We have much more than fifteen years to spend with her. We have time to be a family.”

Redcloak’s expression shifted for a moment, his fingers drifting back and fingering the cloak that, even when he didn’t wear armor anymore, he never took off.

“Red?”

“It’s nothing.”

Redcloak smiled again, opening the door to their room. “You know, I didn’t think I’d have a life after I put on this cloak.” He let his wife go, kissing her softly. “I’m glad that I have one with you and Tia.”

“My love, if you continue this, I will be sharing my bed with a starry-eyed romantic that seems to have stolen and replaced my mate.” Vaarsuvius smiled dryly, kissing Redcloak back. “Surely marriage has not made you so soft?”

“You do that to me.” Redcloak nipped Vaarsuvius’s ear playfully, provoking a cry.

“Redcloak! You know what that does to me!” Vaarsuvius squirmed, face flushing and ears twitching.

The goblin smirked, kissing his wife’s cheek and walking to the drawer, pulling out nightclothes for both of them. “Of course I do. I’ve been married to you for three years.”

“You are a manipulative tease. I hope you are aware of that.” Vaarsuvius took a loose-fitting nightgown, smiling amusedly.

“I love you too, V.” Redcloak chuckled softly before turning away, pulling off his shirt and rolling his tattered cloak into a loose belt around his hips.

Violet eyes rolled and Vaarsuvius pulled off her robe, letting it rest on a bed post, before the elf pulled on the nightgown.

“Am I going to meet your parents, Vaarsuvius? I don’t think that you’ve said much about them.” Redcloak pulled on a pair of sleep pants.

“My love, I am not even sure if my parents are alive or dead.” Vaarsuvius climbed into the bed, gesturing for Redcloak to join. “They disappeared into the woods nearly ten years before I married Inkyrius.”

“And you didn’t try using a divination spell?” Redcloak frowned in confusion and slipped under the covers, sitting up and cocking his head.

“My parents and I…” Vaarsuvius shifted awkwardly, still reluctant to open up after so many years. Redcloak recognized his wife’s reluctance, lightly running his fingers through her hair as a silent reassurance. “I am unsure if they were aware of it, but I am not on the best terms with them. Besides: they would approve of anyone I marry so long as they think I am happy. Believe me.”

“Were you fighting with them or something?”

“No. They simply had a bad grasp of how to raise someone like me.” Vaarsuvius hesitated, tentative about sharing anything more. “They… were too intimate with me. They had no sense of what was appropriate and what was not.”

Redcloak’s expression darkened and his posture tensed microscopically.

“No, no, not that way.” Vaarsuvius put a calming hand on the goblin’s shoulder. “No. They invited me to participate in less than child-friendly activities multiple times, but they never victimized me. They saw it as a way to be open, not as a means for gratification.”

“Wait, you’re telling me that they would invite you to…”

“…Join in their copulation, yes. It was a way to demonstrate ‘the beauty of love.’ I never accepted their offer.” Vaarsuvius sighed softly. “It did not stop them from copulating in front of me, however.”

“Vaarsuvius, that’s sexual abuse.”

The elf arched an eyebrow, frowning at the goblin, trying to think of a way to turn him away from this train of thought. “You are too tense.” Vaarsuvius sat up, lightly rubbing the goblin’s shoulder. “Red, they did the same thing to Aarindarius. And nearly anyone else who they considered ‘friend.’ You do not need to be upset on my behalf.”

His expression was still dark.

The mage kissed him softly. “Do not think too much about them, my love. I doubt that we shall encounter them anyway.” She kissed his neck. “If anything, I should be fearful of your parents. They did not seem fond of me.”

He grunted softly, wrapping his arm around his wife’s waist. “My uncle and siblings took to you fast, and my father is willing to give you a chance. My mother will come around.” His eye was still glazed with angry thoughts. Vaarsuvius straddled his hips, kissing his neck again.

“Well, your uncle was charming.”

“Mmm.” Redcloak was still frowning distractedly. “Did your parents—”

“Shush.” Vaarsuvius lightly brushed a finger against the goblin’s lips, silencing him. “What is past is past. Tiasal is asleep. Xykon is not near. We have not been enemies for nearly twenty years.” The elf pressed their lips together. “Let us enjoy it.”

Redcloak softened slowly, wrapping his arms tightly around his wife and reciprocating the kiss. Clothes were soon discarded.

They took every advantage time allowed.

---

“When do you think we should drop in on Suvie and her hubby?” Aula asked, grinning at the scrying pool and lying with her head in her mate’s lap.

“I don’t want to interrupt her intimacy. You know how embarrassed she gets about her body.” Tiberius glanced around the alpine forest they were lying in, the souls of increasingly bestial dead mortals flitting through every now and again. “Besides, it’s nice to know that she’s finally having healthy lovemaking. Her relationship with Kyrie was lacking.”

“It only took nearly a century and a half. Do you think we did something wrong?”

“Well I don’t see what we could have done. We showed her the beautiful side of lovemaking. We didn’t tell her to be ashamed of it.”

“Mmhm.”

The couple stayed in happy silence while watching the scrying pool. “Do you think we should meet our new grandchild? It seems as though she can see dead souls if she wishes.”

“We should. We will find Suvie and her hubby when they are done.”

“And maybe suggest something new. As beautiful as it is, I find that their alone time is uncreative. I’m sure we showed Suvie more tricks than that.”

“We’ll suggest it.”

Both elves grinned at each other, ears twitching mischievously before they dived into the mortal plane.

The scrying pool rippled and cleared away in their wake.

A little open-ended there. Thoughts?

You know, I still think I like Suvie's parents. They made mistakes, and they were foolish both in inviting those underage to participate and in not properly informing their child.

Yet I still think they had the right general notion, that of sharing love freely. As I said, obviously, you gotta stick to what's appropriate for a person's age(meaning any "free love" with children sticks to lots of hugs, which I do actually recommend anyway since children like hugs) but otherwise...I like their general philosophy. I just take issue with certain aspects of it.

As always, Water-Smurf, your writing is superb.

[Sereg]

V's parents are messed up.

I liked it.

Agreed on both counts.

@Discord I had seen the banner version of that before but it’s nice to see the full-size version. I’m planning for it to take place while they were waiting at Old Blind Pete’s place for the cleric so while their hair won’t start out like that, it may end up like that.

I also thought I should do an incredibly wrong, highly squicktastic pairing sometime and I thought that the best candidate for this would be Roy x Eugene.

Otherwise there's been some good stuff that's been put up.

[Kyronea]

No. My parents have liberal views of everything.

This is "How often can we have sex, where can we have it, who can we have it with, and what "implements" and spine-contorting positions can we use?"

You say that as if it's a bad thing.

[Nathander]

I enjoy them for both reasons. The HAWTness factor is just the icing on the cake. And fics that rely solely on the HAWTness factor, to me, are like eating a bucket of icing.

Oh, I don't disagree it can be hot. I'd be a liar if said I didn't find it so, and I read some of it for that reason. It's just not the usual reason I write.

And thank you for Orphans.

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You really captured one of the reasons I think Miko was unable to admit she had done wrong. Doing so would cause her to collapse the way she did and her denial was a defense mechanism.

One nitpick I have is this: Shojo mentions that he's "already appeared to one crazy person today." I assume that means Belkar. So that would make it only a day or two before the Darth V arc.

But V left the ship the day after Kubota was killed...so that means Therkla would have had to stay with Miko for the entire time that V was alone on the deserted island. Did I miss that time skip?

And Miko seeing her former self and wanting to slap her was good...but the parts of the vision were confusingly worded...could Mini-Miko talk to Present Miko?

You're welcome. I've really enjoyed writing it so far.

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The reason for that is my own poor decision not to fully review the arc before writing. That being the case, I screwed up on a few things, especially some of the time line stuff. That's totally my bad.

Yes, Mini-Miko can talk to Present Miko. They were both technically parts of Miko; despite the fact that Mini-Miko was technically bound by the fact that she was a memory, she was able to interact with Miko since Miko was the one re-experiencing the memory. She was supposed to be both Miko's recollection of the event, but also her own guilt after realizing where she had gone wrong slingshotting back on her. I'm not exactly good at a whole lot literary techniques, but I'm learning. Hopefully the coming chapters will get better.

[Kyronea]

Oh, I don't disagree it can be hot. I'd be a liar if said I didn't find it so, and I read some of it for that reason. It's just not the usual reason I write.



You're welcome. I've really enjoyed writing it so far.

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The reason for that is my own poor decision not to fully review the arc before writing. That being the case, I screwed up on a few things, especially some of the time line stuff. That's totally my bad.

Yes, Mini-Miko can talk to Present Miko. They were both technically parts of Miko; despite the fact that Mini-Miko was technically bound by the fact that she was a memory, she was able to interact with Miko since Miko was the one re-experiencing the memory. She was supposed to be both Miko's recollection of the event, but also her own guilt after realizing where she had gone wrong slingshotting back on her. I'm not exactly good at a whole lot literary techniques, but I'm learning. Hopefully the coming chapters will get better.

Incidentally, I want to agree with Raging Gene Ray. I've thoroughly enjoyed your writing because it's one of the few pieces of writing that gives Miko a solid chance for redemption without her dying first, which is a rare thing for her at best. I always felt her character was screwed over unfairly, and as such I'm glad to see at least someone can set things straight.

[Mariel Dragon]

I don't know if anyone already did this, but here is my HaleyxBelkar fic, titled "My Immortal"

If you do not recognize the title, be prepared (google My Immortal Harry Potter if you are interested). This means: Keep your brain bleach ready. (As noted by CoffeeIncluded)

Censored for YOUR reading pleasure (and adherence to the board rules. Remember kids: Using the f-word is evil. Crushing people with magical powers is A-OK!)

Chapter 1

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Hi my name is Haley Fireyred Dark’ness Dementia Raven Starshine and I have long firey red hair (that’s how I got my name) with purple streaks and black tips that reaches my mid-back and icy blue eyes like limpid tears and a lot of people tell me I look like Amy Lee (AN: if u don’t know who she is get da hell out of here!). I’m not related to Girard Draketooth but I wish I was because he’s a major f***ing hottie. I’m a vampire but my teeth are straight and white. I have pale white skin. I’m also a thief, and I adventure with a party called Order of the Stick in OOTSverse where I’m the second-in-command . I’m a goth (in case you couldn’t tell) and I wear mostly black. I love Hot Topic and I buy all my clothes from there. For example today I was wearing a black corset with matching lace around it and a black leather miniskirt, pink fishnets and black combat boots. I was wearing black lipstick, white foundation, black eyeliner and red eye shadow. I was walking with the Order. It was snowing and raining so there was no sun, which I was very happy about. A lot of preps stared at me. I put up my middle finger at them.

“Hey Haley!” shouted a voice. I looked up. It was…. Belkar Bitterleaf!

“What’s up Belkar?” I asked.

“Nothing.” he said shyly.

But then, I heard my friends call me and I had to go away.

AN: Shall I go on? Yes, I shall. You know you want me to

Chapter 2

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The next day I woke up in my inn room. It was snowing and raining again. I opened the door of my coffin and drank some blood from a bottle I had. My coffin was black ebony and inside it was hot pink velvet with black lace on the ends. I got out of my coffin and took of my giant MCR t-shirt which I used for pajamas. Instead, I put on a black leather dress, a pentagram necklace, combat boots and black fishnets on. I put on four pairs of earrings in my pierced ears, and put my hair in a kind of messy bun.

My friend, V woke up then and grinned at me. She flipped her long waist-length purple hair with raven black streaks and opened her forest-green eyes. She put on her Marilyn Manson t-shirt with a black mini, fishnets and pointy high-heeled boots. We put on our makeup (black lipstick white foundation and black eyeliner.)

“OMFG, I saw you talking to Belkar Bitterleaf yesterday!” she said excitedly.

“Yeah? So?” I said, blushing.

“Do you like Belkar?” she asked as we went out of the inn room and into the bar room.

“No I so f***ing don’t!” I shouted.

“Yeah right!” she exclaimed. Just then, Belkar walked up to me.

“Hi.” he said.

“Hi.” I replied flirtily.

“Guess what.” he said.

“What?” I asked.

“Well, Good Charlotte are having a concert in the town.” he told me.

“Oh. My. F***ing. God!” I screamed. I love GC. They are my favorite band, besides MCR.

“Well…. do you want to go with me?” he asked.

I gasped.

AN: Are you feeling your brain cells melting yet? Here's more:

Chapter 3

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On the night of the concert I put on my black lace-up boots with high heels. Underneath them were ripped red fishnets. Then I put on a black leather minidress with all this corset stuff on the back and front. I put on matching fishnet on my arms. I straightened my hair and made it look all spiky. I felt a little depressed then, so I slit one of my wrists. I read a depressing book while I waited for it to stop bleeding and I listened to some GC. I painted my nails black and put on TONS of black eyeliner. Then I put on some black lipstick. I didn’t put on foundation because I was pale anyway. I drank some human blood so I was ready to go to the concert.

I went outside. Belkar was waiting there in front of his flying car. He was wearing a Simple Plan t-shirt (they would play at the show too), baggy black skater pants, black nail polish and a little eyeliner (AN: A lot fo kewl boiz wer it ok!).

“Hi Belkar!” I said in a depressed voice.

“Hi Haley.” he said back. We walked into his flying black Mercedes-Benz (the license plate said 666) and flew to the place with the concert. On the way we listened excitedly to Good Charlotte and Marilyn Manson. We both smoked cigarettes and drugs. When we got there, we both hopped out of the car. We went to the mosh pit at the front of the stage and jumped up and down as we listened to Good Charlotte.

“This fanfic is ****
And yet you read it
are you some kind of masochist?
Yes. Yes you are.” sang Dorukan (I don’t own da lyrics 2 dat song).

“Dorukan is so ****ing hot.” I said to Belkar, pointing to him as he sung, filling the club with his amazing voice.

Suddenly Belkar looked sad.

“What’s wrong?” I asked as we moshed to the music. Then I caught on.

“Hey, it’s ok I don’t like him better than YOU!” I said.

“Really?” asked Belkar sensitively and he put his arm around me all protective.

“Really.” I said. “Besides I don’t even know Dorukan and he’s going out with Lirian. I f***ing *** that little ****.” I said disgustedly, thinking of her ugly blonde face.

The night went on really well, and I had a great time. So did Belkar. After the concert, we drank some beer and asked Kraagor and Dorukan for their autographs and photos with them. We got GC concert tees. Belkar and I crawled back into the Mercedes-Benz, but Belkar didn’t go back into the inn, instead he drove the car into……………………… the desert!

AN: I sed stup flaming ok haley’s name is hayley nut mary su OK! BELKAR IS SOO IN LUV wif her dat he is acting defrent! dey nu eechodder b4 ok!

Chapter 4:

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“BELKAR!” I shouted. “What the f*** do you think you are doing?”

Belkar didn’t answer but he stopped the flying car and he walked out of it. I walked out of it too, curiously.

“What the f***ing hell?” I asked angrily.

“Haley?” he asked.

“What?” I snapped.

Belkar leaned in extra-close and I looked into his gothic red eyes (he was wearing color contacts) which revealed so much depressing sorrow and evilness and then suddenly I didn’t feel mad anymore.

And then…………… suddenly just as I Belkar kissed me passionately. Belkar climbed on top of me and we started to make out keenly against a tree. (We wer at a oasys lulz) He took of my top and I took of his clothes. I even took of my bra. Then he put his thingie into my you-know-what and we did it for the first time.

“Oh! Oh! Oh! ” I screamed. I was beginning to *CENSORED*. We started to kiss everywhere and my pale body became all warm. And then….

“WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING YOU SILLY PEOPLE!”

It was…………………………………………………….Roy!

Chapter 5

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Roy made and Belkar and I follow him. He kept shouting at us angrily.

“You ludacris fools!” he shouted.

I started to cry tears of blood down my pallid face. Belkar comforted me. When we went back to the inn Roy took us to Eugene and Durkon who were both looking very angry.

“They were having sexual intercourse in the oasis!” he yelled in a furious voice.

“Why did you do such a thing, you mediocre dunces?” asked Durkon

“How dare you?” demanded Eugene.

And then Belkar shrieked. “BECAUSE I LOVE HER!”

Everyone was quiet. Roy and Durkon still looked mad but Eugene said. “Fine. Very well. You may go up to your rooms.”

Belkar and I went upstairs while the teachers glared at us.

“Are you okay, Haley?” Belkar asked me gently.

“Yeah I guess.” I lied. I went to the room and brushed my teeth and my hair and changed into a low-cut black floor-length dress with red lace all around it and black high heels. When I came out….

Belkar was standing in front of the bathroom, and he started to sing ‘I just wanna stab things with pointy daggers’ by Good Charlotte. I was so flattered, even though he wasn’t supposed to be there. We hugged and kissed. After that, we said goodnight and he reluctantly went back into his room.

Chapter 6

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The next day I woke up in my coffin. I put on a black miniskirt that was all ripped around the end and a matching top with red skulls all over it and high heeled boots that were black. I put on two pairs of skull earrings, and two crosses in my ears. I spray-painted my hair with purple.

In the bar room, I ate some Count Chocula cereal with blood instead of milk, and a glass of red blood. Suddenly someone bumped into me. All the blood spilled over my top.

“Bastard!” I shouted angrily. I regretted saying it when I looked up cause I was looking into the pale white face of a gothic boy with spiky black (colord lolz) hair with red streaks in it. He was wearing so much eyeliner that I was going down his face and he was wearing black lipstick. He was wearing red contact lenses just like Draco’s. He had a manly stubble on his chin. He had a sexy English accent. He looked exactly like Dorukan. He was so sexy that my body went all hot when I saw him kind of like an erection only I’m a girl so I didn’t get one you sicko.

“I’m so sorry.” he said in a shy voice.

“That’s all right. What’s your name?” I questioned.

“My name’s Elan, although most people call me Banjo these days.” he grumbled.

“Why?” I exclaimed.

“Because I have an electric lute.” he giggled.

“Well, I am a vampire.” I confessed.

“Really?” he whimpered.

“Yeah.” I roared.

We sat down to talk for a while. Then Belkar came up behind me and told me he had a surprise for me so I went away with him.

Chapter 7. That suddenly and inexplicably has a title

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AN: wel ok u guyz im only writting dis cuz I got noting two do. n BTW I wont rite da nxt chapter til I git TIN god vons! STO FLAMING OR ILL REPORT U! Haily isn’t a Marie Sue ok she isn’t perfect SHES A SATANITS! n she has problemz shes depressed 4 godz sake!

Belkar and I held our pale white hands with black nail polish as we went upstairs. I was wearing red Satanist sings on my nails in red nail polish (AN: c doez dat sound lik a Maru Sue 2 u?). I waved to Banjo. Dark misery was in his depressed eyes. I guess he was jealous of me that I was going out with Belkar. Anyway, I went upstairs excitedly with Belkar. We went into his room and locked the door. Then…………

*GODAWFUL IKEA EROTICA PROTECTION*(c is dat stupid?)

“Oh Belkie, Belkie!” I screamed while getting an *CENSORED* when all of a sudden I saw a tattoo I had never seen before on Belkar’s arm. It was a black lute with an arrow through it. On it in bloody gothic writing were the words………… Banjo!

I was so angry.

“You bastard!” I shouted angrily, jumping out of the bed.

“No! No! But you don’t understand!” Belkar pleaded. But I knew too much.

“No, you f***ing idiot!” I shouted. “You probably have AIDs anyway!”

I put on my clothes all huffily and then stomped out. Belkar ran out even though he was naked. He had a really big you-know-what but I was too mad to care. I stomped out and did so until I was in the bar room where Banjo was having a meeting with Durkon and some other people.

“BANJO ELAN, YOU SILLY PERSON!” I yelled.

Chapter 8

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Everyone in the room stared at me and then Belkar came into the room even though he was naked and started begging me to take him back.

“Haley, it’s not what you think!” Belkar screamed sadly.

My friend B’loody Celia Smith smiled at me understatedly. She flipped her long waste-length anti-gothic white hair and opened her blue eyes like sapphire that she was wearing contact lenses on. She had pale white skin that she was wearing white makeup on. Celia was kidnapped when she was born. Her real parents are vampires and one of them is a fairy but Xykon killed her mother and her father committed suicide because he was depressed about it. She still has nightmares about it and she is very haunted and depressed. (Since she has converted to Satanism she is Haley's friend now. )

“What is it that you desire, you ridiculous dimwit!” Eugene demeaned angrily in his cold voice but I ignored him.

“Banjo, I can’t believe you cheated on me with Belkar!” I shouted at him.

Everyone gasped.

I don’t know why Haley was so mad at me. I had went out with Banjo (I’m bi and so is Haley) for a while but then he broke my heart. He dumped me because he liked Miko, a stupid preppy ****er. We were just good friends now. He had gone through horrible problems, and now he was gothic. (Haha, like I would hang out with a prep.)

“But I’m not going out with Belkar anymore!” said Banjo.

“Yeah f***ing right! F*** off, you bastard!” I screamed. I ran out of the room and into the Oasis where I had lost my virility to Belkar and then I started to bust into tears.

Chapter 9

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I was so mad and sad. I couldn’t believe Belkar for cheating on me. I began to cry against the tree where I did it with Belkar.

Then all of a suddenly, an horrible man with red eyes and no nose and everything started flying towards me on a zombie dragon! He didn’t have a nose (basically like everyone in the comic) and he was wearing all black but it was obvious he wasn’t gothic. It was…… Xykon!

“No!” I shouted in a scared voice but then Xykon shouted “Hold Person!” and I couldn’t run away.

“Mr. Scruffy!” I shouted at him. Xykon fell of his zombie dragon and started to scream. I felt bad for him even though I’m a sadist so I stopped.

“Haley.” he yelled. “Thou must kill Banjo Elan!”

I thought about Banjo and his sexah eyes and his gothic black hair and how his face looks just like Dorukan. I remembered that Belkar had said I didn’t understand, so I thought, what if Belkar went out with Banjo before I went out with him and they broke up?

“No, Xykon!” I shouted back.

Xykon gave me a gun. “No! Please!” I begged.

“Thou must!” he yelled. “If thou does not, then I shall kill thy beloved Belkar!”

“How did you know?” I asked in a surprised way.

Xykon got a dude-ur-so-retarded look on his face. “I hath telekinesis.” he answered cruelly. “And if you doth not kill Banjo, then thou know what will happen to Belkar!” he shouted. Then he flew away angrily on his zombie dragon.

I was so scared and mad I didn’t know what to do. Suddenly Belkar came into the woods.

“Belkar!” I said. “Hi!”

“Hi.” he said back but his face was all sad. He was wearing white foundation and messy eyeliner kind of like a pentagram (geddit) between Dorukan and Girard Draketooth.

“Are you okay?” I asked.

“No.” he answered.

“I’m sorry I got all mad at you but I thought you cheated on me.” I expelled.

“That’s okay.” he said all depressed and we went back into the inn together making out.

Chapter 10

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I was really scared about Zykon all day. I was even upset went to rehearsals with my gothic metal band The Black Evil Undead Bloodsoaked Sponges. I am the lead singer of it and I play guitar. People say that we sound like a cross between GC, Slipknot and MCR. The other people in the band are B’loody Mary, Banjo, Belkar, Hinjo (although we call him BloodPaladin now. He has black hair now with blue streaks in it.) and Shojo. Only today Belkar and Banjo were depressed so they weren’t coming and we wrote songs instead. I knew Belkar was probably slitting his wrists (he wouldn’t die because he was a vampire too and the only way you can kill a vampire is with a c-r-o-s-s (there’s no way I’m writing that) or a steak) and Banjo was probably watching a depressing movie like Teletubbies. I put on a black leather shirt that showed off my boobs and tiny matching miniskirt that said Simple Plan on the butt. You might think I’m a slut but I’m really not.

We were singing a cover of ‘Helena’ and at the end of the song I suddenly bust into tears.

“Haley! Are you OK?” B’loody Celia asked in a concerted voice.

“What the **** do you think?” I asked angrily. And then I said. “Well, Xykon came and the ****ing bastard told me to ****ing kill Elan! But I don’t want to kill him, because, he’s really nice, even if he did go out with Belkar. But if I don’t kill Elan, then Xykon, will ****ing kill Belkar!” I burst into tears.
Suddenly Belkar jumped out from behind a wall.

“Why didn’t you f***ing tell me!” he shouted. “How could you- you- you f***ing poser thief b**ch!” (c is dat out of character?)

I started to cry and cry. Belkar started to cry too all sensitive. Then he ran out crying.

We practiced for one more hour. Then suddenly Roy walked in angrily! His eyes were all fiery and I knew this time it wasn’t cause he had a headache.

“What have you done!” He started to cry wisely. (c dats basically nut swering and dis time he wuz relly upset n u wil c y) “Haley Belkar has been found in his room. He committed suicide by slitting his wrists.”

Chapter 11

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“NO!” I screamed. I was horrorfied! B’loody Celia tried to comfort me but I told her f*** off and I ran to my room crying myself. Roy chased after me shouting but he had to stop when I went into my room cause he would look like a perv that way.

Anyway, I started crying tears of blood and then I slit both of my wrists. They got all over my clothes so I took them off and jumped into the bath angrily while I put on a Linkin Park song at full volume. I grabbed a steak (omnomnom) and almost stuck it into my heart to commit suicide. I was so ****ing depressed! I got out of the bathtub and put on a black low-cut dress with lace all over it sandly. I put on black high heels with pink metal stuff on the ends and six pairs of skull earrings. I couldn’t ****ing believe it. Then I looked out the window and screamed… Durkon was spying on me and he was taking a video tape of me! And Redcloak was masticating to it! They were sitting on their zombie dragons.

“EW, YOU ****ING PERVS, STOP LOOKING AT ME NAKED! ARE YOU PEDOS OR WHAT!” I screamed putting on a black towel with a picture of Marilyn Mason on it. Suddenly Banjo ran in.

“Dishintegrate!” he yelled at Durkon and Redcloak pointing his womb. I took my gun and shot Durkon and Redcloak a gazillion times and they both started screaming and the camera broke. Suddenly, Roy ran in. “Haley, it has been revealed that someone has - NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” he shouted looking at Durkon and Redcloak and then he waved his sword and suddenly…

Shojo ran outside on his zombie dragon and said everyone we need to talk.

“What do you know, Shojo? You’re just a little NPC!”

“I MAY BE A NPC….” Hargirid paused angrily. “BUT I AM ALSO A SATANIST!”

“This cannot be.” Durkon said in a crisp voice as blood dripped from his hand where Roy’s sword had hit him. “There must be other factors.”

“YOU DON’T HAVE ANY!” I yelled in madly.

Redcloak held up the camera triumelephantly. “The lens may be ruined but the tape is still there!”

I felt faint, more than I normally do like how it feels when you do not drink enough blood.

“Why are you doing this?” Redcloak said angrily while he rubbed his dirty hands on his clook.

And then I heard the words that I had heard before but not from him. I did not know whether to feel shocked and happy or to bite him and drink his blood because I felt faint.

“BECAUSE…BECAUSE….” Shojo said and he paused in the air dramitaclly, waving his wand in the air. Then swooped he in singing to the tune of a gothic version of a song by 50 Cent.

“Because you’re goffic?” Durkon asked in a little afraid voice cause he was afraind it meant he was connected with Satan.

“Because I LOVE HER!”

Chapter 12

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I was about to slit my wrists again with the silver knife that Belgar had given me in case anything happened to him. He had told me to use it valiantly against an enemy but I knew that we must both go together.

“NO!” I THOUGHT IT WAS Shoujo but it was Banjo. He started to scream. “OMFG! NOOOOO! MY LUTE HURTS!” and then….. his eyes rolled up! You could only see his red whites.

I stopped. “How did u know?”

“I saw it! And my E-Lute turned back into an accoustic one!”

“NO!” I ran up closer. “I thought you didn’t have a accoustic lute anymore!” I shouted.

“I do but BloodPaladin changed it into an electric one for me.” he said back. “Anyway my lute hurt and it turned back into the accoustic one! Save me! then I had a vision of what was happening to Belkar…………….Xycon has him bondage!”

Anyway I was in the bed now recovering from my slit wrists. (Durkon wus out off spellz lulz) Durkon and Redcloak and Shojo were there too. They were going to Baron Pineapple after they recovered cause they were pedofiles and you can’t have those f***ing pervs adventuring with a party with lots of hot gurlz. Roy had constipated the cideo camera they took of me naked. I put up my middle finger at them.

Anyway Shojo came into my hospital bed holding a bouquet of pink roses.

“Hayley I need to tell u somethnig.” he said in a v. serious voice, giving me the roses.

“F*** off.” I told him. “You know I f***ing hate the color pink anyway, and I don’t like f***ed up preps like you.” I snapped. Shojo had been mean to me before for being gottik.

“No Hayley.” Hargrid says. “Those are not roses.”

“What, are they goffs too you poser prep?” I asked cause I was angry that he had brought me pink roses.

“I saved your life!” He yelled angrily. “No you didn’t I replied.” “You saved me from getting a Paris Hilton p- video made from your shower scene and being vued by Durkon and Redcloak.” Who MASTABATED (c is dat speld rong) to it he added silently.

“Whatever!” I yelled angirly.

He pointed his hand at the pink roses. “These aren’t roses.” He suddenly looked at them with an evil look in his eye and muttered Well If you wanted Honesty that’s all you haD TO SAY! .

“That’s not a spell that’s an MCR song.” I corrected him wisely.

“I know, I was just warming up my vocal cordes.” Then he screamed. “Petulus merengo mi kremicli romacio(4 all u cool goffic mcr fans out, there, that is a tribute! specially for raven I love you girl!)imo noto okayo!”

And then the roses turned into a huge black flame floating in the middle of the air. And it was black. Now I knew he wasn’t a prep.

“OK I believe you now wtf is Belkar?”

Shojo rolled his eyes. I looked into the balls of flame but I could c nothing.

“U c, Haili,” Roy said, watching the two of us watching the flame. “2 c wht iz n da flmes(HAHA U REVIEWRS FLAMES GEDDIT) u mst find urslf 1st, k?”

“I HAVE FOUND MYSELF OK YOU MEAN OLD MAN!” Shojo yelled. Roy lookd shockd. I guess he didn’t have a headache or else he would have said something back.

Shojo stormed off back into his bed. “U r a liar, Roooy!”

Anyway when I got better I went upstairs and put on a black leather minidress that was all ripped on the ends with lace on it. There was some corset stuff on the front. Then I put on black fishnets and black high-heeled boots with pictures of Soon Kim on them. I put my hair all out around me so I looked like Serini Toormuck (if u don’t know who she iz ur a prep so eff off!) and I put on blood-red lipstick, black eyeliner and black lip gloss.

“You look kawai, girl.” B’loody Celia said sadly. “Fangs (geddit) you do too.” I said sadly too, but I was still upset. I slit both of my wrists feeling totally depressed and I sucked all the blood. I cried again in my bathroom and put the shades on so Durkon and Redcloak couldn’t spy on me this time. I went to some classes. Banjo was in the Throne Room. He looked all depressed because Belkar had disappeared and he had used to be in love with Belkar. He was sucking some blood from a Tomato.

“Hi.” he said in a depressed way. “Hi back.” I said in an wqually said way.

We both looked at each other for some time. Elan had beautiful red gothic eyes so much like Belkars. Then……… we jumped on each other and started screwing each other.

“STOP IT NOW YOU HORNY SIMPLETONS!” shouted Yugene who was watching us and so was everyone else.

“Banjo you f***er!” I said slapping him. “Stop trying to screw me. You know I loved Belkar!” I shouted and then I ran away angrily.

Just then he started to scream. “OMFG! NOOOOO! MY LUTE HURTS!” and then….. his eyes rolled up! You could only see his red whites.

“NO!” I ran up closer.

“I thought you didn’t have an accoustic lute anymore!” I shouted.

“I do but BloodPaladin changed it into an electric one for me.” he said back. “Anyway my lute hurt and then I had a vision of what was happening to Belkar…………….Sykon has him bondage!”

Chapter 13

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Banjo and I ran up the stairs looking for Roy. We were so scared.

“Roy Roy!” we both yelled. Roy came there.

“What is it that you want now you despicable snobs?” he asked angrily.

“Fykon has Belkar!” we shouted at the same time.

He laughed in an evil voice.

“No! Don’t! We need to save Belkar!” we begged.

“No.” he said meanly. “I don’t give a darn what Xykon does to Belkar. Not after how much he misbehaved especially with YOU Haley.” he said while he frowned looking at me. “Besides I never liked him that much anyway.” then he walked away. Banjo started crying. “My Belkar!” he moaned. (AN: don’t u fik gay guyz r lik so hot!)

“Its okay!” I tried to tell him but that didn’t stop him. He started to cry tears of blood. Then he had a brainstorm. “I had an idea!” he exclaimed.

“What?” I asked him.

“You’ll see.” he said. He took out his hand and did a spell. Then…… suddenly we were in Xyron's lair!

We ran in with our hands out just as we heard a croon voice say. “Mistintegrate!”
It was……………………………….. Xykon!

Chapter 14
WARNING: SUM OF DIS CHAPTA IS XTREMLY SCRAY. VIOWER EXCRETION ADVISD.

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We ran to where Cykon was. It turned out that Xykon wasn’t there. Instead the fat guy who killed Yikyik was. Belkar was there crying tears of blood. That Guy with the Halberd was torturing him. Banjo and I ran in front of That Guy with the Halberd.

“Rid my sight you despicable preps!” he shouted as we started shooting him with the gun he Then suddenly he looked at me and he fell down with a lovey-dovey look in his eyes. “HaleyIloveyouwiluhavesexwithme.” he said. (in dis he is sixteen yrs old so hes not a pedofile ok)

“Huh?” I asked.
”Hayley I love you will you have sex with me?” asked That Guy with the Halberd. I started laughing crudely. “What the eff? You torture my bf and then you expect me to eff you? God, you are so effed up you effing bastard.” I said angrily. Then I stabbed him in the heart. Blood pored out of it like a fountain.

“Nooooooooooooo!” he screamed. He started screaming and running around. Then he fell down and died. I brust into tears sadly.

“That Guy with the Halberd what art thou doing?” called Xykon. Then…… he started coming! We could hear his high heels clacking to us. So we got on our zombie dragons and we flew to the inn. We went to my room. Banjo went away. There I started crying.

“What’s wrong honey?” asked Belkar taking off his clothes so we could screw. He had a sex-pack (geddit cuz hes so sexah) and a really huge you-know-what and everything.

“Its so unfair!” I yielded. “Why can’t I just be ugly or plain like all da other girls and preps here except for B’loody Celia, because she’s not ugly or anything.”

“Why would you wanna be ugly? I don’t like the preps anyway. They are such ****ing sluts.” answered Belkar.

“Yeah but everyone is in love with me! Like Durkon and Redcloak took a video of me naked. Shojo says he’s in love with me. Banjo likes me and now even That Guy with the Halberd is in love with me! I just wanna be with you ok Belkar! Why couldn’t Satan have made me less beautiful?” I shouted angrily. (an” don’t wory hayle isn’t a snob or anyfing but a lot of ppl hav told her shes pretty) “Im good at too many things! WHY CAN’T I JUST BE NORMAL? IT’S AN EFFING CURSE!” I shouted and then I ran away.

Chapter 15

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“Haley Haley!” shouted Belkar sadly. “No, please, come back!”

But I was too mad.

“Whatever! Now u can go anh have sex with Banjo!” I shouted. I stormed into my room and closed my black door with my blood-red key. It had a picture of Marylin Manson on it. He looked so sexy in a way that reminded me of Belkar and Banjo. I started to cry and weep. I took a razor and started to slit my wrists. I drank the blood all depressed. Then I looked at my black GC watch and noticed it was time to go to goffic thief training.

I put on a short ripped black gothic dress that said Anarchy on the front in blood red letters and was all ripped and a spiky belt. Under that I put on ripped black fishnets and boots that said Dorukan all over them with blood red letters. I put my firey red black hair out. Anyway I went downstairs feeling all sad and depressed as usual. I did sum advanced thiefly work. I was turning a bloody pentagram into a black guitar. Suddenly the guitar turned to Belkar!

“Hayley I love you!” he shouted sadly. “I dnot care what those effer preps and posers fink. Ur da most beautiful girl in the world. Before I met you I used to want to commit suicide all the time. Now I just wanna effing be with you. I effing love you!.” Then……………. he started to sing “Da Chronicles of Life and Death” (we considered it our song now cuz we fell in love when Dorukan was singing it) right in front of the entire class! His singing voice was so amazing and gothic and sexxy like a cross between Girard, Dorukan and Marilyn Manson (AN: don’t u fink dos guyz r so hot. if u dnot no who dey r get da ef out od hr!) .

“OMFG.” I said after he was finished. Some effing preps stared at us but I just stuck up my middle fingers (that were covered in black nail polish and were entwined with Belkar’s now) at them. “I love you!” I said and then we started to kiss just like Lirian (i efin h8 dat female dog) and CMM in a Cinderella Story. Then we went away holding hands. Redcloak shouted at us but he stopped cuz everyone was clapping by how sexy we looked 2gether. Then I saw a poster saying that MCR would have a concert right then. We looked at each other all shocked and then we went 2gether.

Chapter 16

AN: omfg in dis chaptr da spling goez rly bed

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We ran happily to the concrt. There we saw the stage where GC had played. We ran in happly. MCR were there playing ‘Helena’. I was so ****ing happy! Girard looked even sexier than he did in da pictures. Even Belkar thought so, I could totally see him getting an hard boy's thingy but it didn’t matter cuz I knew know that we were da only true ones for eachother. I was wearing a black leather minidress and black leather platinum boots with red ripped fishnets. Belkar was wearing a black baggy MCR t-shirt and black baggy pants. Anyway, we stated moshing to Helena. We frenched. We ran up 2 the front of the band to stage-dive. Suddenly, Girard pulled off his beard. So did the others. We gasped. It wasn’t them at all. It was.,……………………….. Xykon and da Demon Roaches!

“Wtf Belkar im not going to a concert wid u!” I shouted angrily. “Not after what happened to me last time? Even if its MCR n u no how much I lik them”

“What cause we…you know…” he gadgetted uncomfortbli cause guys don’t like to talk a bout you-know-what.

“Yeah cause we you know!” I yielded in an angry voice.

“We won’t do that again.” Belkar promised. “This time, we’re going with an ESCORT.”

“OMFG wtf/ Are you giving into the mainstream?” I asked. “So I guess ur a prep or a Christina or what now?”

“NO.” he muttered loudly.

“R u becoming a prep or what?” I shootd angrily.

“Haily! I’m not! Pls come with me!” He fell down to his knees and started singing ‘Da world is black’ by GC to me.

I was flattened cause that’s not even a single, he had memorized da lyrks just 4 me!

“OK then I guess I will have to.” I said and then we frenched 4 a while and I went up 2 my room.

B’loody Celia was standing there. “Hajimema****e gurl.” she said happily (she spex Japanese so do i. dat menz ‘how do u do’ in japanese). “BTW V that effing poser got expuld. she failed al her klasses and she skepped math.”

“It serves that efing femdog right.” I laughed angrily.

Well anyway we where felling all deprezzed. We wutsched some goffic movies like Das niteMARE b4 xmas. “Maybe V will die too.” I said.

“Kawai.” B’loody Ceil shook her head enrgtically lethrigcly. “Oh yeah o have a confession after she got expuld I murdered her and den Redcloak did it with her cause he’s a necphilak.”

“Kawai.” I commnted happily . We talked to each other in silence for da rest uv da movie. (cuz Kawaii menz cute geddit)

“OH HEY BTw, im going to a concert with bellcar tonight in Hogsmeade with mcr.” I sed. “ I need to wear like da hotset outfit EVA.”

B’Loody Ceelia Nodded ENREGeticALLlY. “Omfg totally lets go shopping.”

“In Hot Topic, right?” I asked, already getting out my spshcial Hot Topic Loiyalty carde.

“No.” My head snaped up.

‘WHAT?” my head spuin. I could not believe it. “B’Loody Celia are u a PREP?”

“NOOOO!NOOOO!” She laughed. “I found some cool goffic stores near this inn that’s all.”

“Hu told u abut them” I askd sure it would be Bellkar or BloodPaladin or Banjo(don’t even SAY that nam to me!). Or me.

“Roy.” She sed. “Let me just call our zomby dragons.”

“OMFFG ROY?” I asked quietly.

“Yah I saw the map for this town on his desk.” She told me. “Come on let’s go.”

We were going in a few punkgoff stores SPECIALLY for the concerts in the town. The salesperson was OMG HOTTER THAN GIRARD EXCEPT NOT CAUSE THAT’S IMPOSSIBLE and he gave me a few dresses. “We only have these for da real goffs.”

“Da real goffs?” Me and B’Loody Celia asked.

“Yah u wouldn’t believe how many posers ther are in this town man! Yesterday Redcloak and Durkon tried to buy a goffic camera pouch.” He shook his head. “I dint even no they had a camera.”

“OMFG NO THEIR GONNA SPY ON ME AGAIN!” I cried, running out of the changing room wearing a long black dress with lots of red tulle coming out and very low-cut with a huge slit.

“Oh my satan you have to buy that outfit” The salesperson said.

“Yeah it looks totlly hot.” said B’Loody Celia.

“You know what I am gona give it to you free cause u look really hot in that utfit. Hey are you gonna be at the concert tonight?” he asked.

“Yeah I am actually.” I looked back at him. “Hey BTW my name’s Haylee Fireyred dark’ness dementia TARA starshine what’s yours?”

“Xykon-when-he-was-a-human. But everyone calls me Xwhwah” He said and ran a hand through his black-dyed hair. “maybe I’ll see you there tonight.”

“Yeah I don’t think so cause I am going there with my bf belkar you sick perv!” I yelled angrily, but before he could beg me to go with him, Shojo flew in on his black zombie dragon looking worried. “OMFG HAILEE U NEED OT GET BACK INTO THE CASTLE NOW!”

Chapter 17

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Xwhwah gave us some clothes n stuff 4 free. He said he wud help us wif makeup if he wunted koz he was relly in2 fashin n stuff. (hes bisezual). Shöjö kept shooting at us to *three-letter-word-for-come* back 2 Hogwarts. “WTF Shonjo?” I shouted angrily. “Eff off you effjing bastard.” Well anyway V came (bek frm da ded lulz). Shinji went away angrily.

“Hey female dog you look kawaii.” she said.

“Yah but not as kawaii as you.” I answered sadly cause V’s really pretty and everything. She was wearing a short black corset-thingy with blood red lace on it and a blak blood-red miniskirt, leather fish-nets and black poiny boots that showed off how pale she wuz. She had a really nice body wif big bobs and everything. She was thin enouff 2 be anorexic.

“So r u going 2 da concert wif Belkar?” she asked.

“Yah.” I said happily.

“I’m gong with BloodPaladin.” she anserred happily. Well anyway Belkar and BloodPaladin came. They were both loking extremely hot and sexy and u could tell they thoufht we were ot 2. BloodPaladin was wearing a black t-shirt that said ‘666’ on it. He was wearing tons off makeup jus like Marylin Manson. Belkar was wearing black leather pants, a gothic black GC t-shirt and black Vans he got from da Warped tower. B’loody Cell was going 2 da concert wif EvilDark. EvilDark used to be called Hank but it tuned out dat he was kidnapped at birth and his real family were vampires. They dyed (their hair) in a car crash. Hank converted to Satanism and he went goth. He was in da Order now. He was wearing a black Wurped t-shirt, black jeans and shoes and black hair wif red streekz in it. We kall him EvilDark now. Well anyway we al went 2 Belkar’s black Mercy-Bens (geddit cuz wer gpffik) that his dad Lucian gave him. We did pot, coke and crak. Belkar and I made out. We made fun of dose stupid fuking preps. We soon got there…….I gapsed.

Girard was da sexiest guy eva! He locked even sexier den he did in pix. He had long raven blak hair n piercing blue eyes. He wuz really skinny and he had n amazing ethnic voice. We moshed 2 Helena and sum odder songz. Sudenly Girard polled of his mask. So did the other membez. I gasped. It wasn’t Girard at all! It was an ugly preppy man wif no nose and red eyes... Every1 ran away but me and Belkar. Belkar and I came (cuz Mycon is sooo sexah). It was…….Bike-on and da Deemn Rouchs! (Again. Some people never learn)

“U moronic idiots!” he shooted angstily. “Hey! Lee! I told u to kill Banjo. Thou have failed. And now……….I shall kill thou and Belkar!”

“No no please!” We begged sadly but he took out his knife.

Sudenly a gothic old man flu in on his broomstick. He had lung black hair and a looong black bread. He wus werring a blak robe dat sed ‘avril lavigne’ on da back. He shotted a spel and Xykon ran away. It was…………………………………ROY! (hu grue a beard suddnly & tuk sm lvlz in srcr)

Chapter 18

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I woke up the next day in my coffin. I walked out of it and put on some black eyeliner, black eyesharrow, blood-bed lipstick and a black really low-cut leather dress that was all ripped and in stripes so you could see my belly. I was wearing a skull belly ring with black and red diamonds inside it.

(Da night before Belkar and I rent back to the skull (geddit skull koz im goffik n I like deth). Roy chased Xykon away. We flew there on our zombie dragons. Mine was black and the eyes were blood-red. There was lace all over it. Draco had a black MCR dragon. We went back to our rooms and we had you-know-what to a Linkin Park song.) (no I don't. I only know you-know-who...ew)

Well anyway I went down to the Grate room. There all da walls were painted black and da tables were black too. But you fould see that there was pink pant underneath the black pant. And there were pastors of poser bands everywhere, like Ashlee Simpson and the Backstreet Boys.

“WTF!” I shouted going to sit next to B’loody Celia and V. B’loody Celia was wearing a black leather mini with a Good Chraloote t-shirt, black fishnets and black pointy boots. V was wearing a long gothic blak dress with blood red writing that was all lacy and came up to your thighs and black boots and fishnets. Banjo, EvilDark and Belkar came. We started to talk about who was sexier, Mikey or Girard Draketooth or Soon kim. The boys joined in cause they were bi.

“Those guys are so ****ing hot.” Hank was saying as suddenly a gothic old man with a black beard and everything came. He was the same one who had chassed away Xykon yesterday. He had normal tan skin but he was wearing white foundation and he had died his hare black. (the poor rabbit)

“……………….ROY?1!” we all gasped.

“WTF?” I shouted angrily. “I thought he was just wearing that to scare Xykon!”

“Hello everyone.” he said happily. “As u can see I gave the room a makeover. Whjat do u fink about it?”

Everyone from the poser Linier Guild started to cheer. Well we goths just looked at each other all disfusted and shook our heads. We couldn’t believe what a poser he was!1.

“BTW you can call me Roy.” HE CALLED AS WE LEFT to our classes.

“What an effing poser!” Belkar shouted angrily as we we to Someplace Else. We were holding hands. Banjo looked really jealous. I could see him crying blood in a gothic draketooth (geddit, draketooth lik Girard) but I didn’t say anything. “I bet he’s havin a mid-life crisis!” V shouted.

I was so effing angry.

Chapter 19 Ok, I promise I'm a nut

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All day we sat angerly finking about Roy. We were so effing pissed off. Well, I had one thing to look forward too- da MCR concert. It had been postphoned, so we could all go.

Anyway, I went to the bar room sadly. Belkar was being all secretive.

I asked what it was and he got all mad me and started crying all hot and angsty (rnt sensitve bi guyz so hot).

“No one ****ing understands me!1” he shouted angrily as his black hare went in his big blue eyes like Billie Joe in Boulevard of Borken Dreamz. He was wearing black baggy paints, a black MCR t-shirt and a black die. (geddit insted of tie koz im goffik) I was wearing a blak leather low cut top with chains all over it all over it a blak leather mini, black high held boots and a cross belly fing. My hair was al up in a messy relly high bun like Amy Lee in Gong Under. (email me if u wana see da pik)

“Accuse me? What about me!” I growled.

“Buy-but-but-” he grunted.

“You effing bastard!” I moaned.

“No! Wait! It’s not what it effing looks like!” he shouted.

But it was to late. I knew what I herd. I ran to the bathroom angrily, cring. Belkar banged on the door. I whipped and whepped as my blody eyeliner streammed down my cheeks and made cool tears down my feces like Benji in the video for Girls and Bois (raven that is soo our video!). I TOOOK OUT A CIGARETE END STARTED TO smoke pot.

Suddenly Shojo came. He had appearated.

“You gave me an effing shock!” I shouted angrily dropping my pot. “Wtf do you fink you’re doing in da gurl’s room?”

Only it wasn’t just Shojo. Someone else was with him too! For a second I wanted it 2 b Xwhwah or maybe Belkar but it was Roy.

“Hey I need to ask you a question.” he said, pulling out his black wanabe-goffik purse. “What are u wearing to the concert?”

“U no who MCR r!” I gasped.

“No I just saw there was a concert dat a lot of gothz and punx were going 2.” He said. “Anyway Belkar has a surprise for u.”

Chapter 20

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All day I wondered what the surprise was. Meanwhile, I pot on a blak ledder mini, a blak corset with urple lace stuff all over it, an black gothic compact boots. MCR were gong 2 do the concert again, since Xykon had taken over the last one. I slit my wrists while I moshed 2 MCR in my bedroom all night, feeling excited. Suddenly someone knocked on the door while I was trying on sum black clothes and moshing to Fang u 4 da Venom. I gut all mad and turned it of, but sacredly I hopped inside dat it was Belkar so we could do it again.

“Wut de ****ing hell r u doing!” I shouted angrily. It was Redcloak! “R u gonna *** rape me or what.” I yelled. I was allowed to say dat because Roy had told us all 2 be careful around hem and Durkon since he was a pedo.

“No, actshelly (geddit, hell) kan I plz burrow sum condemns.” he growld angrily.

“Yah, so u can do ur six-yr-old gurlfriend, huh?” I shouted sarkastikally.

“effer.” He said, gong away.

Well anyway, I put on some black eyesharow, black eyeliner, and some black lipstick and white foundation. Then I went. Den I gasped…………………………………………………………….Redcloak and Durkon were in da middle of da empty hall, doin it, and the MitD was watching!1

“Oh my god you ludacris idiot!” they both shooted angrily when they saw me. The MitD ran away crying. Dey got up, though. Normally I wood have ben turned on (I luv cing guyz do it) but both of them were fuking preps. (btw durkon is movd 2 linier guild now)

“WTF is that why u wanted condoms?” I asked sadistically. (c I speld dat)

“Only you wouldn’t give them to me!” Redcloak shouted angrily.

“Well you shoulda told me.” I replayed.

“You dimwit!.” Durkon began 2 shoot angrily. And then………I took out my black camera and took a pic of them. U could see that they were naked and everything.

“Well xcuse me!” they both shouted angrily. “What was dat al about?”

“It wuz to blackmail u.” I snarked. “So now next time you see me doing it with my boyfriend you cant fuking rat me out or I’ll show dis to Roy. So eff off, u bastards!” I started to run. They chased me but I threw my wound at them and dey tripped over it. Well anyway, I went outside and there was Banjo, looking extremely effing hot.

“WTF where’d Belkar?” I asked him.

“Oh he’s bein an effing bastard. He told me he wouldn’t ***.” Banjo said shaking his hed. “U wanna *** with me? 2 the concert?”

Then….. he showed me his flying car. I gasped. It was a black car. He said his dogfather Nale had given it 2 him. The license plate on the front sed MCR666 on it. The one on da back said ‘HAYLE’ on it.

……….I gasped.

We flew to the concert hall. MCR were there, playing.

Banjo and I began 2 make out, moshing to the muzik. I gapsed, looking at da band.

I almost had an orgasim. Girard was so effing hot! He begin 2 sing ‘Helena’ and his sexah beautiful voice began 2 fill the hall. ……….And den, I heard some crrying. I turned and saw Belkar, cryin in a corner.

Chapter 21

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Later we all went in the skull (geddit, becos were sudnly at some school and I'm goffic). Belkar was crying in da common room. “Belkar are u okay?” I asked in a gothic voice.

“No I’m not u effing female dog!” he shouted angrily. He stated to run out of the place in a suicidal way. I stated to cry cuz I was afraid he would commit suicide.

“Its ok Hayle.” said Banjo comfortly. “Ill make him feel better.”

“U mean you’ll go eff him wont you!” I shouted angrily. Then I ran 2 get Belkar. Banjo came too.

“Belkar please come!” he began to cry. Tears of blood came down his pail face. I wuz so turned on cuz I love sensitive bi guyz. (if ur a homophone den ef of!)

And then………………………….. we herd sum footsteps! Banjo got out his blak invincibility coke. We both gut under it. We saw the janitor Mr. Thog there, shouting angrily with a flashlight in his hand.

“WHOSE THERE!” he shouted angrily. We saw his puppy come. He went unda da invisibility cloke and started to bark loudly.

“IS ANY1 THERE!” yelled Mr. Thog.

“No eff u you preppy little poser sun of an effing female dog!” Banjo said under his breast in a disgusted way.

“EXCUS ME! EXCUS ME WHO SED DAT!” yelled Mr. Thog. Den he heard his puppy bark. “Puppy is der any1 unda da cloak!” he asked. The puppy nodded. And then……………………….Banjo frenched me! He did it jus as…………………….. Mr. Thog was taking of da cloak!1

“WHAT DA-” he yelled but it was 2 late cuz now we were ruining away frum him. And den we saw Belkar crying n bustin in2 tearz and slitting his rists outside of da school.

“Belkar!” I cried. “R u okay?”

“I guess though.” Belkar weeped. We went back to our coffins frenching each other. Belkar and I decided to watch Lake Placid (c isnt da deprezzin) on the gothic red bed together. As I wuz about 2 put in the video, my eyes rolled up and suddenly I had a vision of something that was happening now. There was a knok on the door and Car and da Eye of CC went into da skull!1

[Zanaril]

They'd have to think of a way past the whole 'pregnancy is really bad for V' thing, though...

It's possible that a lot of V's problems with the first pregnancy were due to stress, malnutrition, too much strenuous travelling, the frequent injuries, etc.

She now has Reddy able to look after her 24/7. That it's her second child might make the pregnancy a bit easier, too.

My theory is that there was an issue with one of the parents' reproductive organs and, with all their sex, they could only have Suvie fully to term.

If that an in spite of "with" or a because of "with"?

Hey, how do you think they became friends?

Can I third that request for you to write this?

Exactly. And they'd probably do it at some point when they managed to catch V and Reddy naked.

You know they would.

Aula: "Perfect! Let me just get my clothes off too and we can begin the lesson."

Muuuuum!

Wait, you think that V would tell Redcloak? Before several years of a close relationship had passed and Vaarsuvius got over a lot of the issues in regards to secrets and vulnerability?

Normally, no. But it did seem that she was considering telling him. With the way Girard's dungeon is targeting V, it seems as though it's only a matter of time before it comes up, just like the hanged elf became an issue and V felt the need to tell Reddy so he could offer support.

I feel bad for Kyrie.

Wait, how would Aarindarius react if he was involved in this? Without knowing before?

I'll have to have a think about that. He's going to be more rational, but still....

[Oooohaloophole]

You know, laughing at someone's well reasoned explanations and asking "where the hidden camera is" is rather rude. Adding a compliment does not negate a personal attack. I'm sure there's a more tactful way you could phrase your comments. Think a little before hitting that post button, please.

Yeah sorry Watermurf, its hard to think at 3am. I noticed I was wrong.....But if tiasal grows has a lifespan 2 times larger than an avarage humans an avarage elf has about 4. And V is roughly 150 years old so yeah , Have fun watching your daughter die before your very eyes.

I honestly have no idea what word "excrivates" is supposed to be, and I'm almost scared to find out. Anyway, not to knock your ideas or anything, but I find that giving characters the same flaws/ambitions/whatever as me is something of a bad idea. I've seen a lot of author avatars that become horrible mary sues. That said, the idea of living with a "cursed" nature has some potential, and if done properly, could make for a very entertaining work.

I decided not realy too add any flaws on perpose. Shes socaily awkward, secretive, and A tiefling. i think thats enough.
Edit: Oh and dont forget the OTHER side of the Goblin Race Skandal thing. We know that Racism agianst Goblins is horrible but what abou the people who lost thier lives and families to goblin attacks?

Either I made up excrivate or it exists It meens sort of like Disembowl exept instead your pulling the organs out of the Ribcage....

[CoffeeIncluded]

I don't know if anyone already did this, but here is my HaleyxBelkar fic, titled "My Immortal"

If you do not recognize the title, be prepared (google My Immortal Harry Potter if you are interested)

Censored for YOUR reading pleasure (and adherence to the board rules. Remember kids: Using the f-word is evil. Crushing people with magical powers is A-OK!)

Chapter 1

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Hi my name is Haley Fireyred Dark’ness Dementia Raven Starshine and I have long firey red hair (that’s how I got my name) with purple streaks and black tips that reaches my mid-back and icy blue eyes like limpid tears and a lot of people tell me I look like Amy Lee (AN: if u don’t know who she is get da hell out of here!). I’m not related to Girard Draketooth but I wish I was because he’s a major f***ing hottie. I’m a vampire but my teeth are straight and white. I have pale white skin. I’m also a thief, and I adventure with a party called Order of the Stick in OOTSverse where I’m the second-in-command . I’m a goth (in case you couldn’t tell) and I wear mostly black. I love Hot Topic and I buy all my clothes from there. For example today I was wearing a black corset with matching lace around it and a black leather miniskirt, pink fishnets and black combat boots. I was wearing black lipstick, white foundation, black eyeliner and red eye shadow. I was walking with the Order. It was snowing and raining so there was no sun, which I was very happy about. A lot of preps stared at me. I put up my middle finger at them.

“Hey Haley!” shouted a voice. I looked up. It was…. Belkar Bitterleaf!

“What’s up Belkar?” I asked.

“Nothing.” he said shyly.

But then, I heard my friends call me and I had to go away.

AN: Shall I go on? Yes, I shall. You know you want me to

Chapter 2

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The next day I woke up in my inn room. It was snowing and raining again. I opened the door of my coffin and drank some blood from a bottle I had. My coffin was black ebony and inside it was hot pink velvet with black lace on the ends. I got out of my coffin and took of my giant MCR t-shirt which I used for pajamas. Instead, I put on a black leather dress, a pentagram necklace, combat boots and black fishnets on. I put on four pairs of earrings in my pierced ears, and put my hair in a kind of messy bun.

My friend, V woke up then and grinned at me. She flipped her long waist-length purple hair with raven black streaks and opened her forest-green eyes. She put on her Marilyn Manson t-shirt with a black mini, fishnets and pointy high-heeled boots. We put on our makeup (black lipstick white foundation and black eyeliner.)

“OMFG, I saw you talking to Belkar Bitterleaf yesterday!” she said excitedly.

“Yeah? So?” I said, blushing.

“Do you like Belkar?” she asked as we went out of the inn room and into the bar room.

“No I so f***ing don’t!” I shouted.

“Yeah right!” she exclaimed. Just then, Belkar walked up to me.

“Hi.” he said.

“Hi.” I replied flirtily.

“Guess what.” he said.

“What?” I asked.

“Well, Good Charlotte are having a concert in the town.” he told me.

“Oh. My. F***ing. God!” I screamed. I love GC. They are my favorite band, besides MCR.

“Well…. do you want to go with me?” he asked.

I gasped.

AN: Are you feeling your brain cells melting yet? Here's more:

Chapter 3

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On the night of the concert I put on my black lace-up boots with high heels. Underneath them were ripped red fishnets. Then I put on a black leather minidress with all this corset stuff on the back and front. I put on matching fishnet on my arms. I straightened my hair and made it look all spiky. I felt a little depressed then, so I slit one of my wrists. I read a depressing book while I waited for it to stop bleeding and I listened to some GC. I painted my nails black and put on TONS of black eyeliner. Then I put on some black lipstick. I didn’t put on foundation because I was pale anyway. I drank some human blood so I was ready to go to the concert.

I went outside. Belkar was waiting there in front of his flying car. He was wearing a Simple Plan t-shirt (they would play at the show too), baggy black skater pants, black nail polish and a little eyeliner (AN: A lot fo kewl boiz wer it ok!).

“Hi Belkar!” I said in a depressed voice.

“Hi Haley.” he said back. We walked into his flying black Mercedes-Benz (the license plate said 666) and flew to the place with the concert. On the way we listened excitedly to Good Charlotte and Marilyn Manson. We both smoked cigarettes and drugs. When we got there, we both hopped out of the car. We went to the mosh pit at the front of the stage and jumped up and down as we listened to Good Charlotte.

“This fanfic is ****
And yet you read it
are you some kind of masochist?
Yes. Yes you are.” sang Joel (I don’t own da lyrics 2 dat song).

“Joel is so ****ing hot.” I said to Belkar, pointing to him as he sung, filling the club with his amazing voice.

Suddenly Belkar looked sad.

“What’s wrong?” I asked as we moshed to the music. Then I caught on.

“Hey, it’s ok I don’t like him better than YOU!” I said.

“Really?” asked Belkar sensitively and he put his arm around me all protective.

“Really.” I said. “Besides I don’t even know Joel and he’s going out with Hilary f***ing Duff. I f***ing *** that little ****.” I said disgustedly, thinking of her ugly blonde face.

The night went on really well, and I had a great time. So did Belkar. After the concert, we drank some beer and asked Benji and Joel for their autographs and photos with them. We got GC concert tees. Belkar and I crawled back into the Mercedes-Benz, but Belkar didn’t go back into the inn, instead he drove the car into……………………… the desert!

AN: I sed stup flaming ok haley’s name is hayley nut mary su OK! BELKAR IS SOO IN LUV wif her dat he is acting defrent! dey nu eechodder b4 ok!

Chapter 4:

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“BELKAR!” I shouted. “What the f*** do you think you are doing?”

Belkar didn’t answer but he stopped the flying car and he walked out of it. I walked out of it too, curiously.

“What the f***ing hell?” I asked angrily.

“Haley?” he asked.

“What?” I snapped.

Belkar leaned in extra-close and I looked into his gothic red eyes (he was wearing color contacts) which revealed so much depressing sorrow and evilness and then suddenly I didn’t feel mad anymore.

And then…………… suddenly just as I Belkar kissed me passionately. Belkar climbed on top of me and we started to make out keenly against a tree. (We wer at a oasys lulz) He took of my top and I took of his clothes. I even took of my bra. Then he put his thingie into my you-know-what and we did it for the first time.

“Oh! Oh! Oh! ” I screamed. I was beginning to *CENSORED*. We started to kiss everywhere and my pale body became all warm. And then….

“WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING YOU SILLY PEOPLE!”

It was…………………………………………………….Roy!

Enough for now. Even I can't bear the stupid.

....

A-HAHAHAHAH!!!!

...But you forgot the brain bleach warning! That's more necessary than ever in this case!

[The Odor]

Reddy's family has had to deal first-hand with the abuse elves and humans make goblins go through. It's cost them all their lives, innocence, and hope. They have a good reason to be angry and to dislike V. Personally, I'm not sure if I made them hung-up enough on that fact, but I guess that they've had years to get used to the idea...

While V's family hasn't had to deal with species-ism close-up and they're hugely liberal, they're less likely to care about race and species.

I'm working on all the other stuff. Don't worry. ^.^

I know reddy's folk's are specisits but I anyways like relaxed people before people that are like Reddy's.

[Sereg]

I had to rush my last post, so here are some things I failed to address.

@ShinyDelusion Thank you for the compliment on my last fic. I’d probably squee with delight if someone did fanart of my work. Manifestations would probably be difficult to do though and I also lack the ability to reliably transfer images from my mind to paper.

@The Odor I agree with Taekwondodo on your last fic. It’s good but rushed and I think that it would be better if you made it longer.

@Yiuel is the other person in your Therkla fanfic you? (Guessing from the “Who would you date?” thread)

@MReav Other plot devices can include:
Meta
Curse
Spell gone wrong
Damsel/dude in distress
Lots and lots of angst (because then it will be true art)
Amnesia
Mistaken identity
Genre shift
Finding “new uses” for objects
The real world
Geas/Quest
Zone of Truth
Truth, dare or command
Voyeurism
Fulfilling an unusual fantasy (as demonstrated in Coffee Included’s V x Haley x Elan with Belkar watching fic)
Arranged marriage
Already married
Prostitution
Concubines
Inheritance of wealth and/or title from obscure dead relative
Class change/multiclassing
Team Evil is trying to save the world from the Oots’ plan to control/release the snarl
Past/future life
In 20 years from current comic
They discover that they are close relatives at the end
Disease
“The whole party is controlled by giant space cats and Xykon is from modern Earth”
Deus ex machina
With the author
With another crack-pairer
On the web-site
While arguing with the author
Lampshading (roll again)
With a subversion/aversion/inversion/double subversion of (roll again)
It’s not them, it’s their players/character sheets/stat blocks/minis/dice (Yes, I know that this isn’t a game, but when have we let canon stand in our way)
In a playground
With a giant

[The Odor]

@The Odor I agree with Taekwondodo on your last fic. It’s good but rushed and I think that it would be better if you made it longer.

I know. I had one hour to write it.

@MReav Other plot devices can include:
Meta
Curse
Spell gone wrong
Damsel/dude in distress
Lots and lots of angst (because then it will be true art)
Amnesia
Mistaken identity
Genre shift
Finding “new uses” for objects
The real world
Geas/Quest
Zone of Truth
Truth, dare or command
Voyeurism
Fulfilling an unusual fantasy (as demonstrated in Coffee Included’s V x Haley x Elan with Belkar watching fic)
Arranged marriage
Already married
Prostitution
Concubines
Inheritance of wealth and/or title from obscure dead relative
Class change/multiclassing
Team Evil is trying to save the world from the Oots’ plan to control/release the snarl
Past/future life
In 20 years from current comic
They discover that they are close relatives at the end
Disease
“The whole party is controlled by giant space cats and Xykon is from modern Earth”
Deus ex machina
With the author
With another crack-pairer
On the web-site
While arguing with the author
Lampshading (roll again)
With a subversion/aversion/inversion/double subversion of (roll again)
It’s not them, it’s their players/character sheets/stat blocks/minis/dice (Yes, I know that this isn’t a game, but when have we let canon stand in our way)
In a playground
With a giant

Nice. Very nice.

[Sereg]

@The Odor Thanks.

@Mariel Dragon You actually managed to make it less nauseating than the original. (I suppose it would be impossible to go the other way) Still, hillarious.

[MReav]

@The Odor Thanks.

@Mariel Dragon You actually managed to make it less nauseating than the original. (I suppose it would be impossible to go the other way) Still, hillarious.

Woot Sereg. You the man.

[Water-Smurf]

Xycon?Consistent? AAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH, ooooh let me take a deep breath here. Ok wheres the hidden camera (I hope you get your story still kicks ass).

Consistent in the sense that one can predict what he will do. And one can. He's evil, but he isn't insane. He will do what amuses him and he'll treat those he doesn't respect or see as important as less than trash. He respects Tiasal because he perceives her to have the potential to be just as evil as he is--she shows that she has compassion, but she has the ability to work through it, thus giving hope that she'll lose her sense of right and wrong if he keeps her long enough. If Tiasal tries, she can somewhat predict how Xykon will act, and he can do the same with her. They mix well.

This is the reason Tsukiko particularly hates Tiasal. This little chit of a child has more chemistry with Xykon than she, a woman in her thirties who had known him for fifteen years, doesn't.

(Holy crap, this is sounding like I'm shipping Tia and Xykon together...)

Anyway.....LITERARY SNEEK ATTACK! (By the way tiasal is growing V will oulive her.)AHAHAHAHAHAH

Not necessarily. Different species have different rates of growth. Snakes hatch as full adults (I think) and then live the rest of their lives. Humans are born defenseless and spend a little less than a fourth of our lives growing and developing. Since Tiasal's a hybrid--and because of the Crimson Mantle it's possible that her father's genes were a little odd (being infused with divine magic like that for so long relative to your lifespan can't possibly leave no trace)--we don't know how long she'll live.

Oh, and Kyrie and the kids too.

Yeah, I'm trying to figure that out in my head. How would Reddy and his stepsons interact? Redcloak loves his wife and daughter, and they love Octavius and Terentius, so I see him trying to develop some sort of relationship with them beyond the 'I'm the guy who got your mother knocked up while she was married to your Parent and then killed :D' one they've got going on already. I think Terentius would be tentatively open to the idea of getting to know his step-dad, but I see Octavius being much more hostile.

This is the part where I politely ask (Read: Grab you by your shirt collar and demand) you to do a V's parents/Aarindarius story.

*shrugs* Maybe, maybe not.

You know, I still think I like Suvie's parents. They made mistakes, and they were foolish both in inviting those underage to participate and in not properly informing their child.

Yet I still think they had the right general notion, that of sharing love freely. As I said, obviously, you gotta stick to what's appropriate for a person's age(meaning any "free love" with children sticks to lots of hugs, which I do actually recommend anyway since children like hugs) but otherwise...I like their general philosophy. I just take issue with certain aspects of it.

That's why I find it so easy to write them, even though I usually have a horrible time of making original characters. Their way of living is basically made up of my personal philosophies taken to their logical extremes, with a couple tweaks here and there. (I'm a believer in explaining stuff like sex under no uncertain terms, something that they neglect.)

And that's why Vaarsuvius, the reader, and I find it hard to really be angry at them for anything. They're good people and their intentions are nothing but good, but they're clueless about the idea of 'different kinds of love' and the behavior that those different types of love entail. (Like, a usual everyday person would have sex with their spouse and would snuggle up with their child and read out loud from a Dr. Seuss book. They see no issues with having sex with their child and reading out loud to their spouse, or vice-versa, or both.)

They're endearingly clueless, but if one tones down their behavior a little, you see that they have a good idea going.

(I'm not suggesting people have sex with their kids. Just want to make sure no one misconstrues my meaning.)

*glances over last several posts* I really need to stop going on verbose lectures about characters and behaviors...

She now has Reddy able to look after her 24/7. That it's her second child might make the pregnancy a bit easier, too.

I can imagine it now. Redcloak's probably more worried and stressed out about the pregnancy and V's possible health issues than Vaarsuvius is.

If that an in spite of "with" or a because of "with"?

Whoops. 'In spite of' 'with.'

Can I third that request for you to write this?

I didn't know so many people would be interested in the concept!

Aula: "Perfect! Let me just get my clothes off too and we can begin the lesson."

Muuuuum!

And poor Reddy would have no idea why some naked dead elves popped in while he was having sex with his wife. I can imagine the embarrassed sputters now.

Normally, no. But it did seem that she was considering telling him. With the way Girard's dungeon is targeting V, it seems as though it's only a matter of time before it comes up, just like the hanged elf became an issue and V felt the need to tell Reddy so he could offer support.

I'm not saying what's going to happen in CoP--I have a storyline in mind, but the details are filled in as I go along--but while Vaarsuvius wanted to tell him about it, the whole thing has been an invisible shadow over her ever since it happened. Once it happened, she never spoke of it to anyone, not even herself, and wiped any thought of it from her mind. It dug into her psyche and started to fester there, and she refused to give it the attention it deserved, turning the whole experience into a surreal nightmare in her memory. (You notice how she never identifies the elf's face? In her mind, he's only a shadow with angry molten eyes, even though, at the time, she could see his face and body perfectly well. She knows his face and, more importantly, she knows what his name is and where he lived and still lives. She just detached all that from the nightmare.)

She can't even face it in her head. Her own subconscious can't face it. That's why she doesn't have explicit nightmares about the direct incident often--she can't handle it. And she can't tell Redcloak about it because it paints her as a violated, vulnerable victim. She was degraded and treated as a doll, and that takes a huge toll on her pride to recall and admit to. She was able to talk about the soldiers and the hanged elf because, in both instances, she was the wrong who did wrong. She sees herself as the reason the trauma happened in the first place. She's the bad guy, but at least she still has her pride.

With the rape, she looks on it as a painful and degrading but richly deserved punishment. She's perfectly aware that others may not see it as such, even though she believes it wholeheartedly, and she can't stand the idea of other people pitying her. Her pride won't allow her to speak about the whole thing. Of course, Redcloak is teaching her to trust more, but it's a slow process.

I'll have to have a think about that. He's going to be more rational, but still....

Rational or not, I think that he would be just a little irritated that someone got his surrogate daughter knocked up while she was still married. And who then nearly killed her a few times.

[silversaraph]

Not necessarily. Different species have different rates of growth. Snakes hatch as full adults (I think) and then live the rest of their lives.

As a person who owns several snakes, snakes start out completely as babies. They're tiny and often take five+ years to reach sexual maturity, on which the males die soon after. If they were mature from the beginning, you'd get tinier and tinier snakes until their physical ATOMS crunch together, they start to gravitationally attract everything surround them and become neutron stars.

But, you know, that's in the long run.

[Oooohaloophole]

Consistent in the sense that one can predict what he will do. And one can. He's evil, but he isn't insane. He will do what amuses him and he'll treat those he doesn't respect or see as important as less than trash. He respects Tiasal because he perceives her to have the potential to be just as evil as he is--she shows that she has compassion, but she has the ability to work through it, thus giving hope that she'll lose her sense of right and wrong if he keeps her long enough. If Tiasal tries, she can somewhat predict how Xykon will act, and he can do the same with her. They mix well.

This is the reason Tsukiko particularly hates Tiasal. This little chit of a child has more chemistry with Xykon than she, a woman in her thirties who had known him for fifteen years, doesn't.

(Holy crap, this is sounding like I'm shipping Tia and Xykon together...)



Not necessarily. Different species have different rates of growth. Snakes hatch as full adults (I think) and then live the rest of their lives. Humans are born defenseless and spend a little less than a fourth of our lives growing and developing. Since Tiasal's a hybrid--and because of the Crimson Mantle it's possible that her father's genes were a little odd (being infused with divine magic like that for so long relative to your lifespan can't possibly leave no trace)--we don't know how long she'll live.

Well About Xycon Im still not shure but he IS Partialy insane. Like if he suddenly wanted to attack her (Maybe Frusturation Issues) he wouldnt tell the diff between A Redcloak with 19d8 hit dice or a girl. Dono thats just how I see him. AND PLEESE Dont get them together. Im having a hard time as it is getting used to Furries and skalies, I cannot handle Undeadies.

And I just brought the lifespan thing up since the entire family will eventualy outlive everybody they know : Elan,Roy,Haley,Durkon Ect. in fact If Reddy Continues to wear the cloak he WILL outlive V. Ironic Isnt it. Just I wanted a good explanation, here is mine (Even if it is silly). That the Elven blood manifests stronger after longer periods of time like The Green skin, her aging slowly stops into a crawl.

Anyway I imagin your creating alternative timelines to appeas all the public, anyway here is my idea (Cue Terminator Music) In a World, Ruled By undead, where anything living is a rebel, the Undead send in an undead Heuceva in hope of killing the Leader of The Rebels , Arnold Shwartsnager Is GOBLINATOR!

[Yiuel]

@Yiuel is the other person in your Therkla fanfic you? (Guessing from the “Who would you date?” thread)

Perceptive. (Not that you needed a high check on it though.)

I always thought that Therkla was worth of redemption, so hell, why not go after her myself into Hell itself.

[Zanaril]

(Holy crap, this is sounding like I'm shipping Tia and Xykon together...)

*glances over last several posts* I really need to stop going on verbose lectures about characters and behaviors...

And you need to stop saying you should stop. Lectures are good!

I can imagine it now. Redcloak's probably more worried and stressed out about the pregnancy and V's possible health issues than Vaarsuvius is.

Just as long as he doesn't start complaining that the pregnancy is making him put on weight.

I didn't know so many people would be interested in the concept!

Why wouldn't they? Did you really think you could dangle a crack pairing in front of our noses - one involving popular characters - and not have us demand it?

And poor Reddy would have no idea why some naked dead elves popped in while he was having sex with his wife. I can imagine the embarrassed sputters now.

At least V's warned him about them, even if Reddy did get the wrong idea. Just thank goodness they're incorporeal; otherwise I'd be worried that it would end in a foursome.

Or maybe them being incorporeal makes it worse? You can hardly shove ghosts out the house and lock the door on them

With the rape, she looks on it as a painful and degrading but richly deserved punishment. She's perfectly aware that others may not see it as such, even though she believes it wholeheartedly, and she can't stand the idea of other people pitying her. Her pride won't allow her to speak about the whole thing. Of course, Redcloak is teaching her to trust more, but it's a slow process.

I think I see. She doesn't want to tell anyone about it because subconsciously she knows that they'd persuade her that was happened was wrong and wasn't her fault. If she can believe that it was a punishment she deserved, she can continue thinking that she's not a victim and therefore doesn't need help. Have I got that right?

Rational or not, I think that he would be just a little irritated that someone got his surrogate daughter knocked up while she was still married. And who then nearly killed her a few times.

A little irritated might be an understatement.

Unlike Inky, I think he'd be more concerned with V's wellbeing than getting hung up over the fact that V was still married. He'd be disappointed at V - both for the whole thing with Inky, and for doing something as stupid as having an affair at the time and place she did - but that's it.

Redcloak, however, is going to get some very close scrutiny. Aandy's going to want to make absolutely sure that V is okay with him - and that if they are staying together, Reddy's capable of looking after Vaarsuvius. And he'd be reluctant to let V out of his sight even then.

And that's after a long lecture about what will happen if Reddy ever does anything to V, how Reddy should have known better, etc. etc.

[CoffeeIncluded]

At least V's warned him, even if Reddy did get the wrong idea. Just thank goodness they're incorporeal; otherwise I'd be worried that it would end in a foursome.

Do you honestly think that would stop V's parents?

[Zanaril]

Do you honestly think that would stop V's parents?

It might be slightly debilitating. Although I'm sure they've found enough things you can do if you can float to make up for it a hundred times over.

[Oooohaloophole]

Why is it that my Mind Corrupts Everything? Tiasal-Infernal Scion, V parents- Succubus sharing the same body, Redcoak- Possesed Redcloak by the dark one and Kills his family. .