Crack Pairings II - Brain Bleach not Supplied

[Kyronea]

What other elf have we seen that is dark skinned and speaks very little and is not dead.

Oh, right, Zzdr'tri.

That was my guess, but I wasn't sure I was spelling the name correctly.

[Wizibirb]

First time I have seen this thread and i LOVE it!

Alas though I am constantly reminded of rule 34.... shiver

[MReav]

I'm curious, does the coder who made the changing banners update when new submissions are made?

[The Dark Fiddler]

First time I have seen this thread and i LOVE it!

Alas though I am constantly reminded of rule 34.... shiver

Nah, we don't do porn.


That's the fanservice thread's PM list.

[TheBibliophile]

*Comes back after a long absence*

Holy Fruits! I have been gone for a long time. Look at all this great stuff that was done. I better come up with a blanket statement of approval. *ahem*

All of you are masters of the crack fic art! I am not worthy! I bask in the glory of your superior art and writing skills! ALL GLORY TO THE CRACK FIC WRITERS AND ARTISTS!

There, that should cover it.

Man. This fits my current situation so perfectly that I'm just going to go ahead and quote it.

Of course, I already did, so...

Okay, now I've confused myself.

[Taekwondodo]

More fic about Inkyrius, paired with someone we haven't seen in a while...

Spoiler

Show

"You know what the worst part is?" babbled Inkyrius, picking distractedly at the now-empty bottle of Elven Ale. "It isn't the sense of betrayal. It's the lack of acknowledgment. As if my feelings weren't even a factor to be considered. You know what I mean?"

The dark stranger said nothing, so Inkyrius continued.

"Making deals with fiends for your very soul? That's something I could forgive, given time. It would hurt, but it's something we could work through. I could do what I can to bring the old Suvie back, the one I fell in love with. Or... or, if that didn't work, maybe I could learn to accept the new one." Inkyrius gave a sad little laugh. "I mean, I'm a committer, you know? I'm willing to do what it takes to make a relationship work, even if it means loving someone evil. But it takes two."

Inkyrius met the stranger's eyes, but quickly looked away. There was something about that gaze that still wasn't entirely comfortable. The slate-black face just took everything in, neither judging nor approving, just eager to listen. Wanting to know everything.

"Why am I pouring my heart out like this to someone I just met?" The ale was part of it, of course, but only part. Once the words had started flowing, the need to just talk to someone was overpowering. Vaarsuvius used to listen like this, and the dark, white-haired stranger looked so much like the old, not-possessed-by-fiends Vaarsuvius it was uncanny.

"At any rate, I'd better be going home. It's getting late, and I've got to get up early in the morning to fill the lembas order for the orphanage..."

"...wait."

It was barely a whisper, but Inkyrius stopped cold, unable to muster any resistance. The stranger's hand was resting on Inkyrius' (how long had it been there?), and it might as well have been a chain of iron.

"What.. what is it? Do you want something?" Inkyrius quavered, unaccountably trembling.

"Yes." The stranger leaned closer, hand brushing arm, lips almost touching pointed ear, and whispered "Revenge."

Inkyrius shuddered at the realization that the stranger wasn't a stranger at all, that there was already a connection. "You mean... Vaarsuvius?"

"Hurt me. Hurt you." There was fire in that quiet voice as it said "Hurt back."

An inner voice screamed "You're being used!" but another said "Isn't that what you want? To matter to someone else, to be a part of their plans?" And the stranger's embrace felt so much like Suvie's, but so much better, more... how did the poet put it? Full of passionate intensity...

Gender-ambiguous romance is hard to write! Rich is so fortunate that he can just draw V and not have to tiptoe around gendered pronouns all the time.

I'm actually surprised no-one thought of this before! You did well with the gender-ambiguity though, story flows well and don't realise there's no he/she until it's pointed out. Looking forward to reading more from you!

[The Odor]

So sleepy. Must comment.

everyones job is great now if you dont mind i will sleep on the floor for two weeks

[Dark Faun]

@Zanaril: aw, so cute! The art style's very cute as well. If this is the price of Vaarsuvius and Inkyrius remaining together, I accept it without hesitation.

@BatRobin: poor Jirix, he always ends up dying.

@baf: very well done! I don't know whether to cheer for them or scold them.

[Jackdaw]

Elan + Thog with male pregnancy

I so want to draw this, yet I fear what may happen to the remnants of my sanity if I did.

What a beautiful subject for a first post.

[Silverraptor]

Elan + Thog with male pregnancy

I so want to draw this, yet I fear what may happen to the remnants of my sanity if I did.

What a beautiful subject for a first post.

He still has sanity! We must become an angry mob!

[Funky Goose]

Elan + Thog with male pregnancy

I so want to draw this, yet I fear what may happen to the remnants of my sanity if I did.

What a beautiful subject for a first post.

What is this "Sanity" you speak of??

EDIT: Ninja'd!

[Silverraptor]

Rolled. I seirously got on my first 2 rolls Diago/Kazumi and Hinjo/Argent. Since they're already paired, I rolled again. Here's the result.

Ugghh... Again with going overboard! I need to change my ways after this. Be warned. Highly disturbing to most who read. By clicking the spoiler, you forfiet any right to sue me for compensation on any couseling you may require because of reading this. Having someone else click the button for you also applies.

Spoiler

Show

"Raise Dead"

A diamond dissappeared as it was converted into the dead body at the clerics feet. Instantly, the figure rose, taking a deep breath.

"That will be all cleric."

"Yes, Bozzak." THe cleric leaves.

"Why that no good pig bitch! When I get after her I'll-"

"Quiet, Crystal! How did you beaten by Haley in the first place?"

"She jumped in and got me with 4 sneak attacks." Said Crystal, somewhat ashamed. "And she told me that the deal was off. She wasn't going to pay one copper piece and she'll kill all that you send after her."

"Dammit, Haley! Why did you have to be this big of a pain."

"Let me go after her Bozzak! I'll kill her for you!"

"No! You've done enough! I have to think about what to do about Starshine. Get out of that towel and into bed Crystal. You've just been raised and I want you well rested when the next assassination assignment is presented to us." Slams door shut.

"No Crystal! I don't want you to Crystal! Who does he think I am?! I'm the best assassin in the entire guild! I could easily kill Haley and loot back... ALL MY STUFF!!! Dammit! She took everything! And she even cut up my clothes! Damn her! Well, I'll send some one to get me some clothes tomorrow. Since Bozzak mentioned it, I do feel kind of tired. Must be the spell, being in a whole new body and everything."

She walks down into her room. Removing the towel and throwing it into a corner, she slips into the sheets, feeling them on her bare skin. It felt kind of weird to be in bed naked and without a nightgown or anything. She just added it to the list of reasons on why she hated Starshine and quickly fell asleep.

She was standing in Old Blind Pete's house in the room she cut Haley's hair in. Remembering the feeling of being in absolute power over her then felt so good and right. If only she was actually there. Then she notices a closet door. She reaches out and turns the nob. Out falls a nude Haley right at her feet, unconcious.

Well, I wish and Opportunity delivers. Now all I need is my knife and... It wasn't there. In fact, she still didn't have any of her clothes on still. Well this is just great! Why would they be put in the same room together nude?! She wanted to kill her not make out with her.

"Can't have you go killing her"

Crystal whips around at the voice. "Who's there! Show yourself! If you think your enjoying the sight of us here, think again! I am sooo going to kill you!"

"Oh, please. Enough with the empty threats." The voice came from the shadows.

"I know where you are! If you show yourself now, I will make your death painless! Now come out of there!"

Emerging from the shadows, was a white cat that strode into the room and sat, staring at crystal. "Meow"

"Huh? It was a cat." Something about the cat seemed familiar. "Wait a minute... aren't you the halflings cat? Why are yo-"

Then suddenly, something tackled Crystal from behind. Not knowing what was happening, a blindfold was put over her eyes. She thrashed around but her arms and feet were quickly tied together and she couldn't move.

"What is this?! What's going on?!"

A hand removes the blindfold and there stood the answer. "YOU! What are you doing?!"

"Keeping up with my new ship. Saving my sexy adventuring partner."

"And you tied me up for what?!"

"Pleasure, mostly. Preventing you from thrashing is secondary."

"Pleasure? Pleasure for what exactly?"

The Halfling walks over to the nude Haley and picks her up. Atleast the best he could, Haley's hind quarters and legs were dragging on the ground.

"Well, you see, my new boat is nice and all, but it's just not me. I'm suffering from sufficient whore withdrawl and I need that corrected."

"But... If you do this... then you stop following your boat!"

"Ah, well that's where you're wrong." He drops Haley on top of crystal and starts to change the poses of them. "My new boat is about 'pretending' to have character growth. There's a difference." He finally stops, having Crystal laying on her back, with the unconscious Haley laying on top of her. Haley's arms were wraped around Crystal's body and her lips were place on her mouth, preventing her from speaking.

"Mmmppphhh!"

"Shhh... You ask how is it a difference? Well, as long as Haley's unconscious and she never finds out about it, I keep my ship. And now for the finishing touch." To Crystal's horror, the Halfling starts to undress. "Come on Mr. Scruffy, Play time!"

Well?

[Zanaril]

Rolled. I seirously got on my first 2 rolls Diago/Kazumi and Hinjo/Argent. Since they're already paired, I rolled again. Here's the result.

Ugghh... Again with going overboard! I need to change my ways after this. Be warned. Highly disturbing to most who read. By clicking the spoiler, you forfiet any right to sue me for compensation on any couseling you may require because of reading this. Having someone else click the button for you also applies.

Well?

I love it!

...But how did Belkar get Haley unconscious?

[Silverraptor]

I love it!

...But how did Belkar get Haley unconcious?

It's a dream. Does it have to make sense?

[Zanaril]

It's a dream. Does it have to make sense?

...Ah, I see.


And it being a dream makes it even more disturbing.

[Silverraptor]

...Ah, I see.


And it being a dream makes it even more disturbing.

That's the spirit!

And how'd you miss that it was a dream anyway?

[Zanaril]

That's the spirit!

And how'd you miss that it was a dream anyway?

I did notice, but then I forgot that it was still a dream around the time Belkar appeared.

[Silverraptor]

I did notice, but then I forgot that it was still a dream around the time Belkar appeared.

Ahh.... I see.

[Zanaril]

Ahh.... I see.

It's a unfortunate side effect of your brain trying to shut itself down.

[Silverraptor]

It's a unfortunate side effect of your brain trying to shut itself down.

That must hurt.

Message to Lira:

Can you put Inkyrius and Haley and the soul splices into their own section? So that the links are side by side. Or top on top. Or whatever! And have it sectioned off. Thanks.

[Zanaril]

That must hurt.

Yes, but it's like when your computer bluescreens to prevent further damage.

[Thor Person Guy]

I prompt you!

For starters, there's the fact that they've never met (as far as we know), though this thread has overcome larger obstacles.

Second, the CCoP is dead, which would make even a crack pairing with anyone at least somewhat of a challenge.

And finally, there's the adultery, which according to my dictionary is a short way of saying "cheated on their spouse" (It's either that or something that can't be spoken of on these forums). Now, Thahn isn't even married, and even if he was, committing such an act would cost him his Paladin abilities. As for CCoP, we don't even know if he even had a relationship status, and even if he did, most vows are "Till death do us part".

[Meg]

As requested, here's colored Tsukiko and Redcloak. I also left it uncropped, so here it is in all of its blue glory!!!

Spoiler

Show

Meh... So tired.

[Kyronea]

Rolled. I seirously got on my first 2 rolls Diago/Kazumi and Hinjo/Argent. Since they're already paired, I rolled again. Here's the result.

Ugghh... Again with going overboard! I need to change my ways after this. Be warned. Highly disturbing to most who read. By clicking the spoiler, you forfiet any right to sue me for compensation on any couseling you may require because of reading this. Having someone else click the button for you also applies.

Spoiler

Show

"Raise Dead"

A diamond dissappeared as it was converted into the dead body at the clerics feet. Instantly, the figure rose, taking a deep breath.

"That will be all cleric."

"Yes, Bozzak." THe cleric leaves.

"Why that no good pig bitch! When I get after her I'll-"

"Quiet, Crystal! How did you beaten by Haley in the first place?"

"She jumped in and got me with 4 sneak attacks." Said Crystal, somewhat ashamed. "And she told me that the deal was off. She wasn't going to pay one copper piece and she'll kill all that you send after her."

"Dammit, Haley! Why did you have to be this big of a pain."

"Let me go after her Bozzak! I'll kill her for you!"

"No! You've done enough! I have to think about what to do about Starshine. Get out of that towel and into bed Crystal. You've just been raised and I want you well rested when the next assassination assignment is presented to us." Slams door shut.

"No Crystal! I don't want you to Crystal! Who does he think I am?! I'm the best assassin in the entire guild! I could easily kill Haley and loot back... ALL MY STUFF!!! Dammit! She took everything! And she even cut up my clothes! Damn her! Well, I'll send some one to get me some clothes tomorrow. Since Bozzak mentioned it, I do feel kind of tired. Must be the spell, being in a whole new body and everything."

She walks down into her room. Removing the towel and throwing it into a corner, she slips into the sheets, feeling them on her bare skin. It felt kind of weird to be in bed naked and without a nightgown or anything. She just added it to the list of reasons on why she hated Starshine and quickly fell asleep.

She was standing in Old Blind Pete's house in the room she cut Haley's hair in. Remembering the feeling of being in absolute power over her then felt so good and right. If only she was actually there. Then she notices a closet door. She reaches out and turns the nob. Out falls a nude Haley right at her feet, unconcious.

Well, I wish and Opportunity delivers. Now all I need is my knife and... It wasn't there. In fact, she still didn't have any of her clothes on still. Well this is just great! Why would they be put in the same room together nude?! She wanted to kill her not make out with her.

"Can't have you go killing her"

Crystal whips around at the voice. "Who's there! Show yourself! If you think your enjoying the sight of us here, think again! I am sooo going to kill you!"

"Oh, please. Enough with the empty threats." The voice came from the shadows.

"I know where you are! If you show yourself now, I will make your death painless! Now come out of there!"

Emerging from the shadows, was a white cat that strode into the room and sat, staring at crystal. "Meow"

"Huh? It was a cat." Something about the cat seemed familiar. "Wait a minute... aren't you the halflings cat? Why are yo-"

Then suddenly, something tackled Crystal from behind. Not knowing what was happening, a blindfold was put over her eyes. She thrashed around but her arms and feet were quickly tied together and she couldn't move.

"What is this?! What's going on?!"

A hand removes the blindfold and there stood the answer. "YOU! What are you doing?!"

"Keeping up with my new ship. Saving my sexy adventuring partner."

"And you tied me up for what?!"

"Pleasure, mostly. Preventing you from thrashing is secondary."

"Pleasure? Pleasure for what exactly?"

The Halfling walks over to the nude Haley and picks her up. Atleast the best he could, Haley's hind quarters and legs were dragging on the ground.

"Well, you see, my new boat is nice and all, but it's just not me. I'm suffering from sufficient whore withdrawl and I need that corrected."

"But... If you do this... then you stop following your boat!"

"Ah, well that's where you're wrong." He drops Haley on top of crystal and starts to change the poses of them. "My new boat is about 'pretending' to have character growth. There's a difference." He finally stops, having Crystal laying on her back, with the unconscious Haley laying on top of her. Haley's arms were wraped around Crystal's body and her lips were place on her mouth, preventing her from speaking.

"Mmmppphhh!"

"Shhh... You ask how is it a difference? Well, as long as Haley's unconscious and she never finds out about it, I keep my ship. And now for the finishing touch." To Crystal's horror, the Halfling starts to undress. "Come on Mr. Scruffy, Play time!"

Well?

And that's why you don't have bad dreams if you're a villain in a comic.

Bwahahaha!

[Silverraptor]

And that's why you don't have bad dreams if you're a villain in a comic.

Bwahahaha!

Too bad she didn't listen right?

[BatRobin]

Belkar's on Table 1 and 3...is one of those gonna be changed?


Also, Thog x Julio Scoundrel.

Spoiler

Show

The orc wandered the broken roads of Azure City, looking for Nale or Sabine.
"naaale? naaale? saaabiiinee? thog sad." the lone member of The Linear Guild plopped down on a rock, mumbling to himself.

"Hmm, I wonder where I could be? Blue there, green here, black there, fire there...smoke there..." Julio Scoundrel, the sexist man alive, looked around for any sign of life aside from hobgoblins or zombies. Julio spotted a pale green form in the distance, and began jogging towards him.

"thog see happy man! thog happy about happy man happy!" Thog hopped up and ran towards Julio.
"happy man pretty! happy joy thog force hug!" Julio tried to run, but nothing on Earth save 'Hold Person' or the like could stop Thog's hugs.

Umm...yeah.

[Dark Faun]

Cute.

@Silverraptor: I'm not exactly comfortable with Belkar forcing himself on someone, even in only a dream, but it was funny.

[Zanaril]

Cute.

@Silverraptor: I'm not exactly comfortable with Belkar forcing himself on someone, even in only a dream, but it was funny.

Does it being Crystal's dream make it better or worse?

[Water-Smurf]

Hey, guys! Saeyan is trying to avoid the temptation of whiling away the hours reading and looking at crack by not coming back to the thread, but she updated her story and I told her I'd provide a link. So there's the link.

And you people update really fast. It makes me way too aware that I have tons of projects to work on that I haven't had a chance to help.

[Aaron]

Rolled. I seirously got on my first 2 rolls Diago/Kazumi and Hinjo/Argent. Since they're already paired, I rolled again. Here's the result.

Ugghh... Again with going overboard! I need to change my ways after this. Be warned. Highly disturbing to most who read. By clicking the spoiler, you forfiet any right to sue me for compensation on any couseling you may require because of reading this. Having someone else click the button for you also applies.

Spoiler

Show

"Raise Dead"

A diamond dissappeared as it was converted into the dead body at the clerics feet. Instantly, the figure rose, taking a deep breath.

"That will be all cleric."

"Yes, Bozzak." THe cleric leaves.

"Why that no good pig bitch! When I get after her I'll-"

"Quiet, Crystal! How did you beaten by Haley in the first place?"

"She jumped in and got me with 4 sneak attacks." Said Crystal, somewhat ashamed. "And she told me that the deal was off. She wasn't going to pay one copper piece and she'll kill all that you send after her."

"Dammit, Haley! Why did you have to be this big of a pain."

"Let me go after her Bozzak! I'll kill her for you!"

"No! You've done enough! I have to think about what to do about Starshine. Get out of that towel and into bed Crystal. You've just been raised and I want you well rested when the next assassination assignment is presented to us." Slams door shut.

"No Crystal! I don't want you to Crystal! Who does he think I am?! I'm the best assassin in the entire guild! I could easily kill Haley and loot back... ALL MY STUFF!!! Dammit! She took everything! And she even cut up my clothes! Damn her! Well, I'll send some one to get me some clothes tomorrow. Since Bozzak mentioned it, I do feel kind of tired. Must be the spell, being in a whole new body and everything."

She walks down into her room. Removing the towel and throwing it into a corner, she slips into the sheets, feeling them on her bare skin. It felt kind of weird to be in bed naked and without a nightgown or anything. She just added it to the list of reasons on why she hated Starshine and quickly fell asleep.

She was standing in Old Blind Pete's house in the room she cut Haley's hair in. Remembering the feeling of being in absolute power over her then felt so good and right. If only she was actually there. Then she notices a closet door. She reaches out and turns the nob. Out falls a nude Haley right at her feet, unconcious.

Well, I wish and Opportunity delivers. Now all I need is my knife and... It wasn't there. In fact, she still didn't have any of her clothes on still. Well this is just great! Why would they be put in the same room together nude?! She wanted to kill her not make out with her.

"Can't have you go killing her"

Crystal whips around at the voice. "Who's there! Show yourself! If you think your enjoying the sight of us here, think again! I am sooo going to kill you!"

"Oh, please. Enough with the empty threats." The voice came from the shadows.

"I know where you are! If you show yourself now, I will make your death painless! Now come out of there!"

Emerging from the shadows, was a white cat that strode into the room and sat, staring at crystal. "Meow"

"Huh? It was a cat." Something about the cat seemed familiar. "Wait a minute... aren't you the halflings cat? Why are yo-"

Then suddenly, something tackled Crystal from behind. Not knowing what was happening, a blindfold was put over her eyes. She thrashed around but her arms and feet were quickly tied together and she couldn't move.

"What is this?! What's going on?!"

A hand removes the blindfold and there stood the answer. "YOU! What are you doing?!"

"Keeping up with my new ship. Saving my sexy adventuring partner."

"And you tied me up for what?!"

"Pleasure, mostly. Preventing you from thrashing is secondary."

"Pleasure? Pleasure for what exactly?"

The Halfling walks over to the nude Haley and picks her up. Atleast the best he could, Haley's hind quarters and legs were dragging on the ground.

"Well, you see, my new boat is nice and all, but it's just not me. I'm suffering from sufficient whore withdrawl and I need that corrected."

"But... If you do this... then you stop following your boat!"

"Ah, well that's where you're wrong." He drops Haley on top of crystal and starts to change the poses of them. "My new boat is about 'pretending' to have character growth. There's a difference." He finally stops, having Crystal laying on her back, with the unconscious Haley laying on top of her. Haley's arms were wraped around Crystal's body and her lips were place on her mouth, preventing her from speaking.

"Mmmppphhh!"

"Shhh... You ask how is it a difference? Well, as long as Haley's unconscious and she never finds out about it, I keep my ship. And now for the finishing touch." To Crystal's horror, the Halfling starts to undress. "Come on Mr. Scruffy, Play time!"

Well?

......Where did I put the brain bleach??!!!!! Darn it, I ran out. "Summon Brain Bleach." *fizzle* Huh? "Summon Brain Bleach." *fizzle*
*poof* "Hello, welcome to Thor Prayer. The spell you have just tried to cast has failed because the Brain Stain you are trying to clean is pernement. Have a good day." *poof*

"What?!?!?! No, No, No!!! *Suffers major Wisdom and Int penalty, and falls into a heavy coma.*

Darn it. I can't sue you for this.

Great Crack Pairing