Crack Pairings Matchup Table

[Dark Faun]

I may not have read that pairing, but I've seen fanart. (or at least a weird rendition of V's fight with the dragon which most people interpreted that way.)

I remember, ninjamuffin did it, right? Vaarsuvius was naked.

EDIT: Naked ninjas.

[Zanaril]

EDIT: Naked ninjas.

But ninjas are already invisible!

[xelliea]

I remember, ninjamuffin did it, right? Vaarsuvius was naked.

EDIT: Naked ninjas.

yea which makes it even worse!
Does anyone know where the coulored one is?
Would it be wrong to ask for a banner of the pic!

[Moofin Bard]

I have no idea.

But that is some hot fanart.

And we are all sick.

[Zanaril]

Would it be wrong to ask for a banner of the pic!

I'm not touching it, it creeps me out. But in a good way. Also, I don't think you'd get away with having that in a signature (possibly in a spoiler... but probably not.)

However... I might be pursuaded to make an oots-style (non-naked)VxDragon's head banner if someone writes it as a fic. Bonus points if Inkyrius joins in or is squicked and runs away.

Also, does anyone do this weird thing where if they see a disturbing image, they close the tab as quickly as they can. But then a few minutes later, they go and have another peek which results in them closing the tab again. And they repeat that a few times.

[Dark Faun]

I'd write it, but I'm not sure if it would be creepy enough since my plot is the ABD polymorphing into a smokin' hot female drow.

[Zanaril]

I'd write it, but I'm not sure if it would be creepy enough since my plot is the ABD polymorphing into a smokin' hot female drow.

You know the thing I requested? Forget about it and write your idea.

[Dark Faun]

I have guests right now, but I'll work on it tomorrow.

[Zanaril]

I have guests right now, but I'll work on it tomorrow.

Browsing this thread with other people hanging around? Risky!

[The Dark Fiddler]

Great ice breaker though!

[xelliea]

I love the sigs, Zanaril.

I've always wanted to make an image randomizer, and this seemed like the perfect opportunity, so I've put all of the signature images into one. Randomizers, if anyone is not familiar with them, change the image every time (or almost every time) the image gets loaded.


Try refreshing a few times, it should be changing.

Here's the code for it which will link to the thread, if anyone wants to use it:
[URL="http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=111631"][img]http://a.random-image.net/lira/crackpairings.jpg[/img][/URL]

How can i put this in my sig.

[The Dark Fiddler]

How can i put this in my sig.

You quoted it.

[Dark Faun]

Does anyone know where the coulored one is?

Ask and thou shall receive.

[Zanaril]

I said I'd write more today, and so I have.

Spoiler

Show

As Haley turned onto the main road she saw a familiar red robed figure approaching. Vaarsuvius spotted Haley, and after a moments hesitation, headed towards her. Haley stopped where she was and crossed her arms as the wizard pulled to a halt in front of her, looking around nervously.

"You're looking for Zz'dtri." she said

"Er, I am. You know where he is?"

"Yes, but first we're having a talk."

For a moment V appeared to be considering running, and then asked resignedly "You want to talk right here?"

"No. Let’s go back to the inn. I need another drink for this."

***

A few minutes later and they were both seated in the tavern, Haley with a glass and V, having declined a beverage, nervously fiddling with a beer mat. Haley took a sip from her drink before addressing the elf.

"You know I'm always here if you need somebody to talk to."

Vaarasuvius looked uncertainly at the rogue. "What is this about?"

"V, you didn't tell me something had happened to your family."

Vaarsuvius paled. "You talked to Zz'dtri, he told you... what did he tell you??"

"Nothing specific, once he found out I had no idea what he was talking about. V, this has to have been something recent, what on earth could have happened to break you and Inkyrius up?"

"Nothing that I wish to talk about."

"But something bad has happened."

The elf's silence was an answer enough.

"Fine. Maybe it is none of my business, but your relationship with Zz'dtri is, not least of all because pretty soon someone's going to notice him hanging around, and more likely than not they'll think he's still working for the Linear Guild."

V sat still, head hung.

"Firstly, I want to hear your side of the story, because something he said worries me."

Vaarsuvius looked up, an eyebrow raised. "The first day we made camp after we reached the mainland I was accosted by those two lawyers and taken to a jail. I was thrown in the same cell as him, and while I was initially hostile, he admitted that his prior behavior was due to him having feelings for me. We... I was held there a few days before we managed to escape. He seemed to think that now we were free I would no longer be interested in continuing out relationship, but I convinced him otherwise before leaving to return here. I told him I loved him."

"And do you?"

V was taken aback. "I..."

"More than you loved Inkyrius?"

"I... no." V looked away again. "But Inkyrius no longer loves me."

"And you think Zz'dtri does?"

"I presume so, why else would he be interested in me?"

"Maybe because you're the only person who has paid any positive attention to him, the closest thing he has to a friend. Which is all he really wants V."

V met Haley's eyes, suddenly angry "Oh? Then why does he continue to have a romantic relationship with me?"

"Because it's what you want, to replace Inkyrius. You're cleverer than me V, if I can see it must be obvious to you."

"No. I love him and he returns the affection."

"No, you just want to sleep with him and he's going along with it because it's the only way he knows to get your attention."

At that, Varsuvius stood furiously. "You're wrong. You've got it wrong! You do not know anything about this and I don't have to listen to you!" With that the wizard stormed out of bar, small wisps of pink flame rising from clenched fists.

Haley watched her friend go in despair, not knowing where to start beginning to repair the negative emotions that lay heavy in the air.

She ordered another drink.

Oh dear.

[Cracklord]

Gender confirmed.
Thank you.

[Zanaril]

Gender confirmed.
Thank you.

Oh? What makes you say that?

[Cracklord]

Oh? What makes you say that?

Call it a hunch.

"Er, I am. You know where he is?"

They are intimate, so either Zz'Dtri has invested in illusions, or it's a he.

[Zanaril]

They are intimate, so either Zz'Dtri has invested in illusions, or it's a he.

Zz'dtri's gender was never supposed to be in question, I've been using male pronouns for him all throughout the story. It's V who I've been careful not to refer to with any pronouns. At all. (And it's not easy.)

Sorry to rain on your parade.

[Cracklord]

Zz'dtri's gender was never supposed to be in question, I've been using male pronouns for him all throughout the story. It's V who I've been careful not to refer to with any pronouns. At all. (And it's not easy.)

Sorry to rain on your parade.

Hm? Oh well, as their evil opposites I suppose that makes V female then.



Nope, I got nothing.

[The Dark Fiddler]

Nope, I got nothing.

Because the majority of crack fic stories that involve the characters having sex are about homosexual couples, V is a guy?

[Zanaril]

Because the majority of crack fic stories that involve the characters having sex are about homosexual couples, V is a guy?

Statistically, yes. But, if I have to decide on a gender I normally think of V as female.

However, I know people like to decide themselves, so in this story V's gender is officially, genuinely, Whatever The Hell You Want It To Be.

[The Dark Fiddler]

Statistically, yes. But, if I have to decide on a gender I normally think of V as female.

However, I know people like to decide themselves, so in this story V's gender is officially, genuinely, Whatever The Hell You Want It To Be.

I TAKE A THIRD OPTION!

[Zanaril]

I TAKE A THIRD OPTION!

Look, when I say "Whatever The Hell You Want It To Be", I mean Whatever The Hell You Want It To Be.

Just don't give me a detailed description of whatever your imagination brings up.

EDIT: No, that's not a challenge

EDIT: I mean it.

[The Dark Fiddler]

Look, when I say "Whatever The Hell You Want It To Be", I mean Whatever The Hell You Want It To Be.

Just don't give me a detailed description of whatever your imagination brings up.

EDIT: No, that's not a challenge

EDIT: I mean it.

V's a Ken/BArbie doll.

[Zanaril]

V's a Ken/BArbie doll.

If that's what you want to think.

[Zen_Heart]

Note to self: Don't start stories when you're gone and have no way to consistent Internet access.

First of all, I'm quivering in excitement at the way the Z/V story is going.

Second of all, I finished my crack story. (I'll probably try another pairing when I'm out of Peru.) I'm including a small part from the last update to give it a little more context.

Spoiler

Show

“If you kill me, I know it is random. Odd, but comfort is taken by that fact. Do not need to check my back or drink or make sure I trance instead of sleep. If you kill me, you will do it when I am aware and you will do it honestly and openly.” Zz’dtri looked down again, perhaps sensing the halfling’s unease with emotional closeness. “And you would accept it if I said ‘no’ to your advances. You are a murderer. Not a rapist.”

The drow tentatively touched Belkar’s cheek. “Go to comrades. They need you.”

Belkar paused, then slowly got out of the bed, pulling on his pants. Mr. Scruffy, finally aroused from his sleep in the corner of the room, stood up, stretching and giving a little yawn.

Zz’dtri watched the halfling passively, head propped up on hand, the vaguest regretful look deep in silver eyes. The blankets were loosely resting at chest level and the red band that the drow always wore was on the bedside table, winking dangerously in the scant light. Belkar didn’t like that thing. It looked like someone had gotten lots of blood, flash-froze it, and crafted it in the shape of a headband. Usually he’d like that, but it gave the uncomfortable impression that Zz’dtri was constantly dying, little by little.

Maybe he was. He did seem a little… faint, after all.

“Hey, what are you going to do? You don’t sound like you plan on going back to the… whatever they call the dark elf place.”

A very slight smile played across Zz’dtri’s face. “The Underdark.” The smile disappeared. “Unsure. Perhaps… find another group. Hopefully less deceptive and disloyal as Nale’s. Try to do something good.”

“Now you’re talking crazy.”

“Want to shed all drow culture.”

“Rebellion? Now you’re making sense again.” Belkar stretched and picked up his shirt. Mr. Scruffy jumped on the bed, purring softly and curling up against Zz’dtri. The dark elf slowly stroked the cat’s soft white head.

“Violence hurt me.” The drow looked down at the cat, lightly tickling his chin. “Many different dark elf cultures. Only dominant ones are so horrible. Many dark elves want to overthrow them. Perhaps surface elves will help.”

“You’d be hard-pressed to manage that. If the one I’m traveling with is any indication, all the surface elves are pricks.”

Zz’dtri’s hand went up, covering black lips, and a soft low laughing sound came from the dark elf’s thin chest. Belkar smirked, putting on his shirt. “I got you to laugh. That’s an accomplishment.”

“I like you.”

“That’s a first.”

Belkar picked up his cloak and put it on. “Usually, it’s the weird clingy chicks who I sleep with that think they like me.”

“Acquired taste.”

“Not arguing with that one.” Belkar looked down at his fully clothed self and glanced over to his naked partner. “So are you going to go to the elven homelands and try your luck with them?”

“Diplomacy not my strong suit. Can work on it for this. Worth trying, if only for future generations.” Zz’dtri’s eyes were fixed on Belkar.

Belkar was ready to shrug and leave as usual, likely to never see the drow again. He was ready to brush off the weird cross of one-night stand and Enemy Mine and forget Zz’dtri’s face, name, and existence. He was ready to do that.

“After this thing’s over, maybe I’ll drop by. A dark elf in the surface elves’ homeland won’t be hard to find.” But he didn’t.

The dark elf’s eyes flashed faintly, going white, and Zz’dtri stiffened slightly in surprise. “…I’d like that.”

“Alright, then. If the murder rate goes up in your area, you’ll know it’s me.” Belkar stole a quick kiss. “Count on it.”

“I’ll wait.”

Belkar’s lips twitched a little in a half-smile. “C’mon, Scruffster.”

The cat meowed, licked Zz’dtri’s cheek, and padded over to the halfling, leaving at the heels of his master.

Zz’dtri stared at the door for a while, a finger lightly touching the area that the cat had licked. Slowly, two black fingers went up and touched equally black lips, capturing the remaining feeling from the kiss. “I’ll wait.”

...I'm a little sad now.

[waterpenguin43]

As far as I'm concerned, DurkonxHilgya is a crack pairing, it's just one that happens to be in the comic.

Well yeah. Remember, he drank about eight mugs of beer.
Anyway, done my next story:

Spoiler

Show

Sabine felt incredibly lucky, the IFCC had finally given her a break from work, she had told Nale that she was on a quick business trip, which, in her mind, was technically true.
Sure there were big lines of men waiting for succubi in the Abyss, but she was searching someone else out, at a small western continent city known as Sandsedge, she finally met the one she had been seeking out for 3 ours, Vaarsuvius the elf.
She entered the inn that the order were sleeping in, and she shape-shifted into the form they had a conversation in, then she checked in.
After a bit of searching through windows, she came to the door that the elf was sleeping in and knocked three times on the thick wooden door, she expected the elf at the door, but was greeted by a young woman with red hair and leather armor, a woman who she knew all too well and hated utterly, Haley Starshine. Behind Haley was that sexy elf and Elan frozen halfway between removing his white top.
“Excuse me, may I please speak with Vaarsuvius for a moment?”
Sabine was doing a very good job of concealing her loathing of Haley, so good in fact, that Vaarsuvius immediately seemed to remember her and came immediately.
The elf seemed totally silent and somewhat puzzled at Sabine while they were heading to her room.
When they returned to her room, Vaarsivius finally spoke:
“Er, what do you have to ask, madam?
At this point, Sabine was already removing her red leather armor.
“Um madam, what is your intention on this fine evening” an edge of nervousness coming into the elf’s voice.
“Oh, come here.”
The elf did as requested, getting slightly more scared.
When the elf got within reach, Sabine grabbed Vaarsuvius and kissed the elf.
V got the message, and in fact, she had been so taken aback that she said:
“Okay then.”
Joy rushed through Sabine, finally she could do what she had wished to do for ever since they had met at Azure City. To be truthful, she still didn’t know the elf’s gender,
but it didn’t matter, she was a shapeshifter; She could go either way.

And V still doesn't know who that woman is.

[MReav]

Oh, I have an idea for a banner:

O-Chul with every female in the first three tables, and two random males. Crossover with the O-Chul harem!

[NakedCelt]

I cannot believe the nudity thread got scrubbed and this one hasn't been.

[Moofin Bard]

We're too sneaky and use spoilers.

So we're good.