Confessions 3: Spilling The Beans Remix

[Willie the Duck]

It's right on the edge. And as always, that's not a hard and fast rule (especially as ages go up and everyone involved becomes a mature adult), just a good guideline for when an outsider might see it as creepy.

Do note, however, that although the ruleguideline is supposedly about whether such a relationship is socially acceptable, it is also a rough guideline on predicting whether such a relationship has a strong chance of working out.

With such an age gap, it'd be tricky, and can easily come across as creepy if handled poorly. Try to couch it in something like "Forgive me if I've misread anything, but I really enjoy our time together..."

Don't forget, "I just want to make sure I understand, is this... {motion around to what you're doing together}... is this a date?"

[Velaryon]

confession:

I have no Idea how to ask a woman out. there is a 32 year old I would like to ask out, but I am 55.

I haven't figured it out either. On a dating site I do okay (though I haven't used one in awhile now), but in person I have never figured out how to ask, and have to be beaten over the head with a clue bat to know if a woman is flirting with me.

It's right on the edge. And as always, that's not a hard and fast rule (especially as ages go up and everyone involved becomes a mature adult), just a good guideline for when an outsider might see it as creepy.

I agree with this. Once you're both adults with enough life experience to know what you want, it's just a matter of what you are comfortable with. The half your age plus seven "rule" is an arbitrary societal more.

[Anonymouswizard]

I haven't figured it out either. On a dating site I do okay (though I haven't used one in awhile now), but in person I have never figured out how to ask, and have to be beaten over the head with a clue bat to know if a woman is flirting with me.

While I can sort of do it myself, I'm admittedly terrible at it. Plus the entire 'can't tell if a woman is flirting' deal, I'm convinced that when a woman finally does decided to to beat me over the head with it I'll still manage to misinterpret it, and convince them that she should have used a cricket bat instead.

Although there's the added trouble that the girl I'm crushing on is one of the people who man's reception, so if I ask her out and she says no it'll make turning up to work incredibly awkward.

Also, turns out my ability to flirt gets even worse when I think that HR might hear, but my ability to joke about coffee goes up.


Real confession: I spend too much time cooing over the terrapin at work. It doesn't cause a problem because I do it during break, but I think the terrapin might be trying to escape.

Confession 2: the fact that the terrapin is in reception is a coincidence, I like cute animals just as much as I like cute girls.

[Velaryon]

There's a girl that I have something of an interest in, but she's at the extreme low end of the "half your age plus 7" guideline that I just finished calling arbitrary. However, in this case it means I'm 35 and she's 23, and that feels like a bigger deal than it would if we were older. Plus, as we established, I am really bad at telling whether she has any interest. So I think what I'm going to do is just do nothing... which is what I usually do anyway.

[Bartmanhomer]

Real Confession: I'm single.

[Anonymouswizard]

Real Confession: I'm single.

'Aren't we all?'

Anonymouswizard sighed, knowing that he'd have to resume working in a couple of minutes. He'd managed to catch a brief window not flirting with the girl he liked, but he didn't even know if she already had somebody.

At least she smiled and sometimes laughed, but half of him was convinced sure was just being polite. The other half remembered what he had learnt over all these years, that being polite was the sign of hatred.

[Fairy]

There's a girl that I have something of an interest in, but she's at the extreme low end of the "half your age plus 7" guideline that I just finished calling arbitrary. However, in this case it means I'm 35 and she's 23, and that feels like a bigger deal than it would if we were older. Plus, as we established, I am really bad at telling whether she has any interest. So I think what I'm going to do is just do nothing... which is what I usually do anyway.

Sadly, you're in the 'not allowed to initiate' position. Spooky-wooky-magic social rules ban you from taking the first action; you're on the wrong side of the age gap, and in that scenario the 'men initiate' rule is reversed.
You can only act charming and hope she develops some interest.

C'est la vie.

[Velaryon]

Sadly, you're in the 'not allowed to initiate' position. Spooky-wooky-magic social rules ban you from taking the first action; you're on the wrong side of the age gap, and in that scenario the 'men initiate' rule is reversed.
You can only act charming and hope she develops some interest.

C'est la vie.

I had already reached that conclusion myself anyway. I'm less concerned with what people would think (especially strangers), but for my own sake I would not want to initiate anything with someone so young.

[2D8HP]

There's a girl that I have something of an interest in, but she's at the extreme low end of the "half your age plus 7" guideline that I just finished calling arbitrary. However, in this case it means I'm 35 and she's 23, and that feels like a bigger deal than it would if we were older. Plus, as we established, I am really bad at telling whether she has any interest. So I think what I'm going to do is just do nothing... which is what I usually do anyway.

I had already reached that conclusion myself anyway. I'm less concerned with what people would think (especially strangers), but for my own sake I would not want to initiate anything with someone so young.

Wise not to initiate.

The "half your age plus seven" is out the window when they're younger than their mid-twenties as people are usually very different in their early 20's compared to their late 20's.
If someone is younger than 26 years old you should be no more than five years of them if you want something long-term, as they will change too much.

It's a big world and they are exceptions, but not likely.

Still be charming/kind/polite (it's just good practice) but wait for them to mature, or for you to fall for someone else.

DON'T PINE!

[Anonymouswizard]

DON'T PINE!

Do I have to follow this advice as well? Because if so I have to reschedule half of tomorrow, I had decided to concentrate my pining over Smiles for a week

[2D8HP]

Do I have to follow this advice as well? Because if so I have to reschedule half of tomorrow, I had decided to concentrate my pining over Smiles for a week

Even?

Especially!

If you insist on pining (which I don't recommend), prepare for it with a proper record collection.

I'm far from up-to-date, but as I recall Lou Reed, Marianne Faithful, Morrissey, and Lotte Lenya were appropriate, as was blues and county.

[Anonymouswizard]

Even?

Especially!

If you insist on pining (which I don't recommend), prepare for it with a proper record collection.

I'm far from up-to-date, but as I recall Lou Reed, Marianne Faithful, Morrissey, and Lotte Lenya were appropriate, as was blues and county.

Hmmmm.... might have to push the pining back for a few hours, I need to assemble a new playlist on Spotify. I think I might be able to scavange some songs off the mopey playlist.

(In all seriousness, I kind of don't pine. While I hate being single with a passion, I'd much rather just do something with my time. Plus I don't even know if she's single, if she's already in a monogamous relationship pining would just feel stupid when I should be looking for somebody else.)

[2D8HP]

Hmmmm.... might have to push the pining back for a few hours, I need to assemble a new playlist on Spotify. I think I might be able to scavange some songs off the mopey playlist...

Spoti-what?

Wait, you can get a proper playlist together that quickly now?

That totally changes costs/benefits!

Advice rescinded.

[Bartmanhomer]

This should be in the relationship thread but whatever.

Real Confession:

I play Boss Monster Card Game by myself even though it's a multi-player card game.

[Anonymouswizard]

This should be in the relationship thread but whatever.

Nah, the people in that thread will tell me to be sensible, which is hard when I've got a friend continually telling me to talk to Smiles and chase her.

He seems to think I might have a chance romantically for some strange reason, something about actually finding women I'm attracted to and being willing to try and talk to them.


Real confession: I'm somehow both incredibly insecure and incredibly proud. Quite often about the same things.

[Bartmanhomer]

Real Confession: A decade ago I used to work with a female supervisor who treat me like garbage and I report her behind to the Human Resources and she got in trouble for it.

[Insane Jeenyus]

I woke and got up at 1230 today because of a pain filled night.

[2D8HP]

I woke and got up at 1230 today because of a pain filled night.

Sad to learn that @Insane Jeenyus, what work do you do?

[Insane Jeenyus]

Sad to learn that @Insane Jeenyus, what work do you do?

i do light assy in a factory but,

1. I helped the IT guy with a computer relocate - time on my feet is not good.

2. went to the grocery story - more time on my feet

3. waited on my feet for a bus running late due to traffic

4. gave up on bus, called taxi, then saw bus go by while waiting for the taxi

5. Taxi never came, then saw bus headed toward end point so figured the bus would come before the taxi.

6. canceled cab 1 hour after standing and waiting and took bus home.

I weigh almost 300 lbs with about40 lbs being scar tissues. very hard on my feet, and some dufus forgot to take his pain meds for 24 hours.

so here is my confession: I am a dufus for forgetting to take my pain meds for 24 hours!

[2D8HP]

...forgetting to take my pain meds for 24 hours!

I don't know how applicable it would be, but if it gives you any hope, for a few years after an injury in 2001 I was in a great deal of pain most every week, sometimes some pain comes back (I was very sore this morning) and I fear re-occurrence, but the pain hasn't been as chronic as 15 years ago.

I think part of it was a change in status, in that I became a full Journeyman in 2007 (behind schedule), and while the job is still physical, I'm not expected to perform as a human forklift as much as when I was an apprentice.

Best wishes to you Insane Jeenyus

[Velaryon]

Wise not to initiate.

The "half your age plus seven" is out the window when they're younger than their mid-twenties as people are usually very different in their early 20's compared to their late 20's.
If someone is younger than 26 years old you should be no more than five years of them if you want something long-term, as they will change too much.

It's a big world and they are exceptions, but not likely.

Still be charming/kind/polite (it's just good practice) but wait for them to mature, or for you to fall for someone else.

DON'T PINE!

Yeah, I agree. No pining here.

----------

On a completely opposite note, in a couple weeks I'll be going to a professional conference, just for one day (it goes on for three, with a few events on the night before the first day as well, so more like three and a half I guess). While going over the list of presenters to choose which day, I discovered that my ex (with whom I was pretty serious and had a very hard time getting over) is doing a presentation.

I'm going to a different day - not just to avoid her but also because there's a lot more stuff that's relevant to me on one of the other days anyway. However, I'm still nervous that I might run into her. I've told myself over and over that I don't want to encounter her, but deep down there's a part of me that wants to finally tell her off in a way that I never did when I had the chance. It's a bad idea and I don't think it will happen anyway, but it's been in the back of my mind ever since I found out.

[Insane Jeenyus]

.. .. .. .. .. However, I'm still nervous that I might run into her. I've told myself over and over that I don't want to encounter her, but deep down there's a part of me that wants to finally tell her off in a way that I never did when I had the chance. It's a bad idea and I don't think it will happen anyway, but it's been in the back of my mind ever since I found out.

Spoiler: nickle's worth of free advice

Show

don't tell her off. forgive her and move on is what I recommend.

[Willie the Duck]

I've told myself over and over that I don't want to encounter her, but deep down there's a part of me that wants to finally tell her off in a way that I never did when I had the chance. It's a bad idea and I don't think it will happen anyway, but it's been in the back of my mind ever since I found out.

I have someone like that. A former friend whom I had financial entanglements that went south. She ran into her ex-husband, who I game with, and it brought up similar thoughts in my mind. If I did run into her, I'd have the urge to tell her off. What devastating thing do I want to say? 'Oh, hi. How are you? That's nice. Okay, have a nice <event>.' That's it. Just indifference. No magic comeback is going to be more withering than the fact that she's no longer important to my life and isn't living rent free in my head.

[Bartmanhomer]

Real Confession: I can't stand people who lacks communication.

[2D8HP]

After posting this:

....5e is a good game. I like it. It brought me back to the hobby, and to the game....

5e brought me back to the hobby as well (I quit in '92), and as much as I like to grumble (XP should be for lootin' not just muderin'!) I'm enjoying 5e (just got Dragon Heist and it looks AWESOME!), but my long absence from the hobby that has me doubt my grognardelyness.

I started as a DM in '78 (albeit with my little brother as my main player), as a player in '79 with a LBB's + AD&D Monster Manual using DM (good times!), bought my first issue of The Dragon in 1980 (and then got back issues!), starting playing other adventure games in 1979 or '80 as well (Villains & Vigilantes would be the first after D&D, unless Arduin counts), but.....

....because of my long absence from the hobby I fear that I probably have less total at the table time than most regular posters at the Playground thus my query of qualifications.

My further shame is my failure to get my son into D&D. He enjoyed playing some of my old DUNGEON! board game with me, and when he expressed an interest in D&D (especially the Tomb of Horrors) after reading "Ready Player One" (which I probably should do as well), I lept into action, brought out my old books, bought some new ones (which is how I came to play 5e) and...

....he prefers playing Magic the Gathering and video games with his friends .

He also made fun of The 7th Yoyage of Sinbad when I put it on the TV (though strangely not the Adam West Batman)!

Even though he's the age I was when I saw it, I don't feel right having him watch my other favorite D&D-ish movie Excalibur because of some of it's "mature" content, but I'm also scared that he just won't appreciate it either (also, despite what I may say about the Grail quest scenes, my wife may slap me upside my head!).

And I'll never be as good a DM as my second GM (the little brother of my first DM) who died a couple of years ago and I miss him, what was, and what I missed (now I got a tear).

Oh well, I guess I'll read another thread and post a grumble about something or other not being proper D&D!

I had mean to read something, get irate and do a rant, but I'm jusr feeling melancholy, and the post reads confessional so there it is.

[Bartmanhomer]

Real Confession:

I got high metabolism.

[Insane Jeenyus]

Real Confession:

I got high metabolism.

confession: I do not like you for having a high metabolism.

[Bartmanhomer]

confession: I do not like you for having a high metabolism.

May I ask why?

[AMFV]

May I ask why?

Presumably because you can eat junk and not get fat.

[Bartmanhomer]

Presumably because you can eat junk and not get fat.

I eat all types of food and I still gain weight. Just because that I got a high metabolism doesn't mean that I don't gain weight.