Crack Pairings V - We Revel in Infamy

[CoffeeIncluded]

He'd also invite Roy, too.

So now it's Haley/Celia/Elan/Roy?

...Why do I get this distinct feeling that this may have actually happened? I mean, Celia isn't exactly subtle, and look at where Haley's willing to go at it!

[Dark Faun]

It was Haley's plan all along: incite Elan to invite Roy so that she can get the both of them all the while proving that she's better than Celia.

[Cracklord]

Not so strongly agianst but more of just cannot bring myself to write so.

But here is an example of my torture talents:
Use whatever she isnt immume to nials to nail her horns to something moving quickly. Then attach both her feet (Using scimtars of corse) to the floor. Then cover the whole floor while the metal sandpaper (Lets say cold iron) and have the fast moving thing move. If her horns break off then about 40 at a time pull her hiar out. If her feet will cutthoght first then she will drag along and sandpaper away most of her skin. If this works play hopskotch with her muscular thingies. Either way tear away her teath one by one and then make her eat magnitzed neadles (Non Cold Iron) then make the needles follow a magnet oround until her organs are pulp. puor into her skull and enjoy.

Pfffffffttttttt.
Amateur.
You don't need all that stuff. Any real torturer can amaze you with a single knife.
Funny story, while experimenting with alternate means of torture, a man was forced to watch Beverley Hills chihuahua thirteen times consecutively, with no sleep or respite.
He was in tears.

Cracklord, I like the cut of your jib. You have a Hellsing avatar brutally kill Belkar. You are my new hero.

Plus I run massive roleplay sessions on this site while all involved kill the Twilight characters, don't forget that.

[ShinyDelusion]

On a random (but not entirely off-topic) note, I wish fanfiction could qualify as a writing sample for college applications. Instead I'm stuck trying to fill a couple double-spaced pages in response to "Our academic environment is built on the various cultural backgrounds of our students. What perspective can you add to this environment?" What I'd give to get away with responding, "Look, if I get in my parents won't be paying you to improve your reputation for diversity, and I'm a middle-class white kid anyway, so forget it."

[CoffeeIncluded]

It was Haley's plan all along: incite Elan to invite Roy so that she can get the both of them all the while proving that she's better than Celia.

So do you think that they actually waited to get home, or did Elan just, uhm, decide not to practice that day?

Fun Fact: One my best friends, who goes to a different school in a different state, also has the soundproofed-music-practice-rooms. Someone got pregnant in there.

[half-halfling]

Discord -I like this picture -they really look like happy family . I wonder what their child will be like.

[ShinyDelusion]

So do you think that they actually waited to get home, or did Elan just, uhm, decide not to practice that day?

Fun Fact: One my best friends, who goes to a different school in a different state, also has the soundproofed-music-practice-rooms. Someone got pregnant in there.

I think you've mentioned that before. What's a little distressing is that my school's Fine Art building has those too, so I've learned that those rooms generally aren't completely soundproof...

[CoffeeIncluded]

I think you've mentioned that before. What's a little distressing is that my school's Fine Art building has those too, so I've learned that those rooms generally aren't completely soundproof...

I have? Whoops.

...Oh dear God.

...How loud were they?

[ShinyDelusion]

I have? Whoops.

...Oh dear God.

...How loud were they?

I heard every word, and oh, there were many, many, words...

Psyche! I know this because I was practicing piccolo in one room one day while some choir boys were practicing in another. I only remember because I hate it when I know people can hear me practicing, especially picc.

[CoffeeIncluded]

I heard every word, and oh, there were many, many, words...

Psyche! I know this because I was practicing piccolo in one room one day while some choir boys were practicing in another. I only remember because I hate it when I know people can hear me practicing, especially picc.

Oh. Well, that's good. Dammit, there goes a perfect plot device...

[Aaron]

And here's some Celia/Haley for you guys out there. I added in Elan and did some experimentation with perspective here. Tell me what you guys think.

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Tuesday wasn't shaping up to be a great day. My alarm clock broke and I got a C on my English test.

"Elan," the teacher said, "You've got to shape up here. You've got to spend less time in theater and band and shape up in class. You're a nice kid, but your grades aren't showing it."

I mean, I may not be the brightest guy around, but I try...

So I grabbed my guitar and went to the practice rooms to, well, practice, when I saw my girlfriend cheating on me.

Haley. Making out with someone that was not me. In the practice room.

Now, naughty things happen in the practice rooms with...Disturbing regularity, as my friend in AP Chem likes to say. Let's just say that Sabine has the practice room before me, and I don't think that sticky spot on the carpet is spilled soda...

But Haley?! Haley would never do anything like that! She may like to steal stuff from the Lost and Found bin, but she would never cheat on me! Not even with--Who is that?

Then I got a glimpse of who Haley was making out with--Slim figure, pale skin, nearly white hair, a pink butterfly barrette...Celia.

Oh man, now Roy's gonna be pissed at me; he's had his eyes on her for a while now...

"Haley!" I found myself shouting, even though it sounded more like a pathetic whimper.

At the same time, part of me was screaming "Whatcha doing, my man Elan?! This is HOT! SHUT UP!"

Haley and Celia just looked at me and blushed. "Uh...H-Hi, Elan, sweetie," Haley stammered. Celia just stood there in shock. "It...It was..."

I just felt my lower lip trembling and tried not to cry. "B-But...Haley...I thought...I thought you l-l-loved me..." No good. I felt tears streaming down my face.

This day sucked.

Then I saw Haley and Celia holding me. "No, no, no, Elan. I...I love you. I really do."

"In fact, we were waiting for you!"

"...You were what?"

Haley smiled and winked at me--Winked at the both of us, in fact. "In fact, we were waiting for you to offer you something. Wanna come over to Celia's house tonight? Her parents are out of town, if you know what I mean."

I just kinda stared off into space for a second. My perverted subconscious was throwing a huge party, popping corks off of champagne bottles and dancing naked in the streets. "...Okay," I heard myself saying.

"Perfect! See you tonight, handsome!"

"I'll get the stuff right after school! Oh, and Elan..."

"Yes?"

Haley grinned as she interrupted Celia "...Can the two of us, uhm, practice on each other? While you practice? You can watch if you want," she said while running her hands up and down her Celia's sides as Celia giggled and reached for Haley's waist.

I think I may have dislocated my jaw from that grin.

Uhm...What do you guys think?

All I can say is, cute and funny.

Oh, and guess who the friend from AP Chem is.

You, of coarse.

Fun Fact: One my best friends, who goes to a different school in a different state, also has the soundproofed-music-practice-rooms. Someone got pregnant in there.

Busted!

That why at my school their are security cameras in those rooms and a teacher much be in there for students to use the room.

[Cracklord]

Busted!

That why at my school their are security cameras in those rooms and a teacher much be in there for students to use the room.

You say that like it's a problem.

[Dark Faun]

Discord -I thihk there may be something wrong with Haerta's left arm (one held by Vaarsuvius). It probably should be under her body (i mean as shapes in the picture).

Haha, that's what I get when I forget Haerta is much taller than V and remake the arm accordingly, all the while using dark colors. Thanks very much. I fixed the other arm too.

Despite it I like this picture -they really look like happy family . I wonder what their child will be like.

Thank you.

After a preggers series, maybe I should make a kiddies series... Poor V.

[CoffeeIncluded]

All I can say is, cute and funny.


You, of coarse.

Why, thank you.

Actually, it's Vaarsuvius. I can see V in a chem class, can you?

[ShinyDelusion]

Oh. Well, that's good. Dammit, there goes a perfect plot device...

Hm, possible potential for something else, though?

*a violin begins tuning*

Wait a minute. Did you hear something?

I thought these rooms were soundproof!

Not entirely...

*two violins begin to play*

Aw man. That sounds like Miko and V's violin duet. I hate that chick.

That's not what you said the other day...

Shut up!

Sh!

*violin music stops*

Oh, you guys have done it now...

*door opens*

You guys are disgusting! I'm telling principal Shojo!

I, it saddens me to say, am completely unsurprized.

[Dark Faun]

Miko and V in the same class?

Actually, it's Vaarsuvius. I can see V in a chem class, can you?

I can't exactly see someone who loves to tell the laws of physics to shut up and sit down so much interested in chemistry... or any kind of science for that matter.

[Aaron]

You say that like it's a problem.

Nope. Its never happened there, probably because of those protocols.

After a preggers series, maybe I should make a kiddies series... Poor V.

Ahh yes. The Crack fic kids do need some sympathy.

Why, thank you.

Actually, it's Vaarsuvius. I can see V in a chem class, can you?

*read over*

*facepalm* OK, that would be V.

[CoffeeIncluded]

Miko and V's in the same class?


I can't exactly see someone who loves to tell the laws of physics to shut up and sit down so much interested in chemistry... or any kind of science for that matter.

Chemistry=Big Boom

Know what happens if you drop a gummi bear in a tube of boiled potassium chlorate? PINK FIRE SHOOTS OUT OF THE TEST TUBE LIKE A ROCKET ENGINE!!!

ShinyDelusion, please write a full version of that.

[ShinyDelusion]

ShinyDelusion, please write a full version of that.

I'm on it! Once I finish my stupid writing sample for the application I'm working on, anyway. I guess I should take a break from the lovely distraction of Internet to do that... Oh well, writing that lovely bit of crack in full detail afterward shall be my incentive to finish said dreaded writing sample! See y'all later!

[Cracklord]

Now, a chapter I need to work on soon involves the Linear guild. By then, Lien will be a member of the order, as will another character (by all means advise me, probably a romantic interest for him/her too).
Any advise for how to handle the Linear guild?

[Zanaril]

V/MitD

It's a match made in incertainty.

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"Are you a girl?"

With considerable effort, Vaarsuvius opened one eye, and then the other. It didn't help at all in identifying the source of the voice.

"..whuh?"

The elf tried to focus through the blurred vision, ignoring the insistent throbbing from where the masonry had collided with the back of the elf's skull. A pair of yellow eyes swam into view.

"Mr St-, I mean, O-chul said people should be nice to girls." The monster said, and there was a slight wistfulness about his voice.

"O-chul... you are r-referring to the paladin?"

The monsters eyes look away for a moment. "He was a good friend. He's in a better place now."

"He... he was killed?" Vaarsuvius's eyes clenched shut as the world threatened to black out, and the elf tried to raise a hand to judge to damage the rock had caused. Instead, a shock of pain ran through the elf's arm as the chains attached to the manacles pulled tight. Vaarsuvius stifled a scream.

"No, I sent him to be with his friends!" The monster turned back to the elf, who had pulled one robe sleeve back and was examining an oddly bent forearm. "Are you okay, Mr or Mrs elf?"

"I believe my arm in broken, although in m-my current position that is the l-least of my worries." Still, the elf winced as it settled back against the wall, resting the injured arm across its chest.

"I'm sorry you couldn't escape too. Still, at least Xykon didn't kill you." The eyes seemed to shudder "When he's that angry... it's pretty scary."

There was a long pause, during which Vaarsuvius seemed to have drifted into unconsciousness once more.

"So... are you a girl?"

Vaarsuvius made no response; the only indication that the elf was still alive was a rasping breathing.

"'Cause Tsukiko seemed to think you were a girl. I thought maybe she could tell if you are a girl, 'cause she is one."

The elf in question shivered, and coughed once before being still again. A small amount of fresh blood now flecked its lips.

"Mr or Mrs Elf? Are you okay?" The monster gazed helplessly at the now completely unmoving elf. "I think you're sick. O-chul said you should look after people who are sick, too."

The yellow eyes darted towards to door. Cautiously, a corner of the box lifted.

The unconscious elf made no response even when the box tipped over onto its side with a loud thump, although the now exposed creature froze, watching the door carefully. Then, trying to be quiet despite its size, he moved over to the elf, pausing just out of reach.

"Mr or Mrs Elf?"

When there was no response, the Monster reached forward, and gently touched the elf's face, causing the smaller creature to shiver.

The Monster out of the Darkness looked around helplessly. "Redcloak can heal people, but I think he's busy at the moment. And I dunno if he'd help you, he can be mean sometimes." The Monster absentmindedly stroked the elf's hair, brushing one of its pointed ears. The elf seemed to shiver again, although the movement was accompanied by a small whimper.

"You're shivering. When elves shiver, that means they're cold. And...”

The monster paused a moment, trying to remember something.

"And you can warm people up by hugging them!"

Eagerly, the Monster rested next the elf, slipping a limb around its shoulders and pulling it against his warm body as much as the chains would allow. Vaarsuvius moaned slightly as the broken arm jarred.

"There, It's okay now. You'll be okay."

And it did seem to help. The elf's breathing finally eased; the tenseness left it's shoulders as it went from unconsciousness to properly trancing. The Monster stroked the elf's hair again, catching the ear once more and eliciting the same small sound.

It was several hours later that there were sounds from the corridor outside the door. The Monster reluctantly slipped away from the elf, laying it carefully on the ground.

He pulled the box back up just before the door opened.

After a preggers series, maybe I should make a kiddies series... Poor V.

Make sure that each family photo of V's increasingly numerous progeny has V looking slightly more tired.

[Dark Faun]

Haha, I'll try. Good story, too.

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Isn't she the cutest little thing?

[Zanaril]

Isn't she the cutest little thing?

She certainly is.


Is that a good thing or a bad thing?

[Cracklord]

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I never say this.
D'Awwwwwww.
I want a pet one.

Anyway, here's the next chapter. Enjoy.

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Ivyleaf.

Perhaps a hundred buildings. Perhaps six times that inhabitants. It is 10:00.

While on the surface all was silent, in truth, something far more terrifying was happening. There was an alien scent on the air, not an unpleasant one, that tantalized the senses for miles around, tormenting you with it’s malign potential, and with desires unquenched.

A horse broke loose from it’s stall, tearing apart it’s harness, foam around it’s lips, and kicked two handlers to death before running until it couldn’t move and convulsing on the ground, it’s heart overwhelmed, covered with a thick lather, it's eyes rolled back in it's skull.

Another horse, usually a well behaved mare, threw the maiden that was riding it, trampling her to death, then ran after the other horse until it too couldn’t move and passed out from exertion.

Two elven rangers broke into cold sweat despite the chill on the air, and began trembling as feelings swept by, their hearts pound against their chests like base drums.

And as the feelings spread, they only intensified. Wood shivered and warped, slowly at first, then rapidly, forming faces with the knots and grains that seemed to scream, but with agony or passion was anyone’s guess. Perhaps there was no difference. The trees creaked warningly, and the earth yawned, yet no one notices.

A small trickling fountain suddenly cracked open, gushing merry water from its depths, which began to flood the town, despite it being on top of a hill, yet the water seems as thick as treacle, oozing seeming a more accurate description then flowing.

Items left unattended began to throb with invisible tumescent energy. But even this passes the town’s inhabitants by, for it is nothing to the effects occurring on them.

There was an unclean trembling in all things, struggling for release. And it could not be held back for long. Inhibitions faded, loyalties dimmed, and the bonds of trust frayed and broke. Passion filled the hearts, minds and souls of all, unchecked and uncontrolled, turning a quiet place into a revel in wild abandon, an orgy of passion, completely uncontrollable. All they could do was guide it.

Glorfindel, an artist of modest skill who made his living decorating houses with the swirling patterns and designs elves love so much, became feverishly inspired, fanatically sketching and drawing, creating masterpieces far beyond his skill, that he would never be able to come close to again.

Then suddenly he slashed his wrists, feverishly painting in his lifeblood to better express the unattainable perfection of his visions, ignoring the lightheadedness as long as he could, before he collapsed, his work incomplete and his lifeblood insufficient to the task. He’d be dead in minutes, yet he only wept for his masterpiece that he’d never complete.

The physical tingling of desire is not the extent of Slaanesh’s desires, as the elves were realizing.

A minstrel strumming his lute at the steps of a gazebo suddenly opened his lips to spill songs of such beauty, so perfectly capturing unrequited love that the crowd who came to hear it wept, some of the younger men dying from broken hearts, before the singer chokes and drowns on the lyrics as she struggles to be free from her imperfect throat, no longer willing to waste time breathing as it would interfere with the harmony and timing of the song.

Calistan, a poet who had been working on a verse for nearly seven years, suddenly threw it in the fire with a wrenching movement and began furiously scribbling, trying to capture the exquisite words that blazed hot trails through his mind, capturing both exquisite sorrow absolute and unabashed desire to perfection, then, midway along the second verse midway through a simile, claws out his own eyes just to see what true darkness is like.

New lovers come together, then fight, unable to deal with the passion coursing through their veins, seeking only release. More then a few kill each other in the frenzy of the moment, while others come together again and again until they pass out from exhaustion.

As the passions of the inhabitants reach critical points, the world softens, assuming warm colors and gentle, rounded, glistening forms, while blades sharpen, emotions run hot, and madness flares in the mind.

It is in this moment, that the catalyst of these changes arrives.

Vaarsuvius, if anything, has become even less mortal looking. The black veins have twisted into odd shapes, sharp and lethal, yet elegant and refined. The elf’s skin is now totally transparent, stretched taunt over delicate flesh as white as milk. Eyes that were formerly forest green are now as black as the void between stars, and a mad smile, capricious and changing as the ocean is lit up on the elf’s face.

The face, too, had changed. The angles had sharpened, planes had come to the fore, and the chin was now pointed like a dagger. The elf had always been thin, but now was so gaunt it looked like someone had forced the wizard into a cauldron and boiled of all its flesh.

As the elf walked, life sprang up, grass growing rapidly and seeds sprouting towards the sun. Vaarsuvius didn’t care. Ahead was the wizard’s destination, a tan cottage with red shutters, and a white picket fence.

[CoffeeIncluded]

Cracklord, sometimes you scare me.

And Discord, is that kid gonna grow up evil?

And nice story, Zanaril.

[Cracklord]

Now, the kids should be asleep, yes?
What reactions might they hve to other parent coming home like this? Fear? Confusion?
What might Vaarsuvius do? Try and do as was done in Zanzaril's old avatar, and force things to go back to the way they were?
And yet, it doesn't work, as Slaanesh can't create love, only passion.
Thnings are about to get interesting...

[BatRobin]

Haha, I'll try. Good story, too.

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Isn't she the cutest little thing?

Now we need to name it.

We have Tiasal, now for...

Lasait!

No...

Tsukivius.

[Dark_Stryke]

You guys move so fast.

Coffee: Cute little story, but I think Elan was a little OOC (namely, it was in first person and he was managing to string complete thoughts together without getting bored or sidetracked).

Discord: Is there anyone V won't impregnate? I'm half expecting to open one of these to see a pregnant (and very confused) Roy ("Wait - last night - I'm a - how did - HELP!")

Actually, that gives me a hilarious idea. A fic where a kiss from V has the same effect as the belt of gender changing. Oh dear, I think I may actually do this.

...Probably not for a few days, though. Tonight is devoted to alcohol, tomorrow to D&D. Happy New Year everybody!

[CoffeeIncluded]

You guys move so fast.

Coffee: Cute little story, but I think Elan was a little OOC (namely, it was in first person and he was managing to string complete thoughts together without getting bored or sidetracked).

Yeah, I was a bit worried about that.

[half-halfling]

Zanaril -now You should draw scene where Haerta finds out about V and Tsukiko child . Or maybe:
Suvie , we need to talk. I think we will have third child, this time biological!

You mean you're pregnant? But ... I always thought You're male!
Funny thing, I always thought You're female.