Post the worst player-characters you can come up with

[BayardSPSR]

I once had a player try make a character that was literally Jesus.

Except the only things he ever did were "smile knowingly" when addressed and attempt to walk on any body of water that crossed his path.

[Anonymouswizard]

Mind if I sig this block?

Also, Sam Haight is pretty much this thread for WoD, yup.

Feel free to have my contribution to that block.

And yeah, although I'd let a character who pulled off the two extra splats in-game to succeed at becoming such an abomination (although, I only actually allow 2 splats, one of which can be a full, so you can be a kinfolk vampire or a ghoul mage, or a medium ghoul, but if you want to be an abomination, you have to roll that botch in-game).

I'm half-tempted to pull out an adept/technomancer in a shadowrun 4e game that's probably going to happen, but apart from having to spend BP on both magic and resonance (I'm in a group where I'm the only one with any optimisation potential, which means that a certain player will likely complain about me power gaming if I pull out such a bad build). Nothing to the level of most of these, but as hybrids have been mentioned, and the GM would likely allow it (she literally said 'you can play what you want', so 'Spunky Anglo-Asian Technomancer Engineer Adept' is probably the second weirdest concept that will be presented).

[Milodiah]

Sure, sig away.

[JAL_1138]

AD&D, 3d6 straight down method--roll straight threes. Halfling Fighter. Dual-wield. If that's even legal.

[Jormengand]

The worst character I can come up with? Let's see:

Jon Vulcan, 15th level truenamer.
Colossal Volcano
Hit Dice: No (15,000,000,000,000 HP)
Initiative No
Speed 0 ft (0 squares)
Armour Class 12 (20 natural -8 size -5 dex -5 inanimate), touch -8 flat-footed 12
Base Attack/Grapple: No/Don't even think about it
Attack: Erupt +500 20d6 fire
Full attack: Erupt +500/+495/+490/+485 20d6 fire.
Space/Reach: 300 ft/10 miles
Special Attacks: Being a volcano.
Special Qualities: I'm a volcano.
Saves: No.
Abilities: No
Skills: Probably some truespeak.
Feats: No.
Environment: Volcano.
Organisation: Solitary.
Challenge Rating: Lots.
Treasure: None
Alignment: Neutral
Advancement: By volcano.
Level Adjustment: -

Basically, bind a creature to kill you with a sword that has been turned into thinaun with your Transmute Weapon utterance. Your soul is trapped in the thinaun weapon. The weapon changes back after 5 rounds. Then have it drop the sword - which can't have the soul freed by breaking it because it's not made of thinaun - into the nearest active volcano. Your soul is now stuck in the volcano.

Enjoy your new life as a volcano.

[Anonymouswizard]

The worst character I can come up with? Let's see:

Jon Vulcan, 15th level truenamer.
Colossal Volcano
Initiative No
Speed 0 ft (0 squares)
Armour Class 12 (20 natural -8 size -5 dex -5 inanimate), touch -8 flat-footed 12
Base Attack/Grapple: No/Don't even think about it
Attack: Erupt +500 20d6 fire
Full attack: Erupt +500/+495/+490/+485 20d6 fire.
Space/Reach: 300 ft/10 miles
Special Attacks: Being a volcano.
Special Qualities: I'm a volcano.
Saves: No.
Abilities: No
Skills: Probably some truespeak.
Feats: No.
Environment: Volcano.
Organisation: Solitary.
Challenge Rating: Lots.
Treasure: None
Alignment: Neutral
Advancement: By volcano.
Level Adjustment: -

Basically, bind a creature to kill you with a sword that has been turned into thinaun with your Transmute Weapon utterance. Your soul is trapped in the thinaun weapon. The weapon changes back after 5 rounds. Then have it drop the sword - which can't have the soul freed by breaking it because it's not made of thinaun - into the nearest active volcano. Your soul is now stuck in the volcano.

Enjoy your new life as a volcano.

You forgot the hp and hit dice but I have to join the tune here, this is not the thread for completely awesome characters. Bad no longer means good.

[Jormengand]

You forgot the hp and hit dice but I have to join the tune here, this is not the thread for completely awesome characters. Bad no longer means good.

You saw nothing. >.>

And I think that "You are permanently dead and the only way to resurrect you is by going into a volcano and breaking a sword that doesn't exist" qualifies as bad. Maybe that's just me?

[Sith_Happens]

I once ran a First Edition Exalted game in which a player came up to me with a premise for a Lunar sorcerer who considered herself a god. As she wasn't great at rules, another player volunteered to help her build the character.

I did not check that he was, in fact, actually capable of doing so.

The result was a Full Moon Lunar who used sorcery and martial arts, two things that Lunars are not good at using. Her nine Charms were:
* Finding the Spirit's Shape, which all Lunars are required to have.
* Snake Style: Striking Cobra, Serpentine Evasion, and Snake Form. These three Charms allowed her to magically fight using techniques she could have gotten from her own Charms, but not as well because they keyed off her Martial Arts 4 instead of her Dexterity 5.
* Tale-Spinning Mastery on a Charisma 3 character, letting her add three dice to tell stories. She had Performance 2, so this superpower let her go from "moderately good storyteller" to "tells stories almost as well as an expert mortal".
* Terrestrial Circle Sorcery
* Terrestrial Countermagic, which lets her fight other sorcerers.
* Invulnerable Body of Bronze, a spell which if cast by a Lunar sorcerer fails to activate.
* Stormwind Rider, a spell that allows a Lunar sorcerer to fly along the ground with a few other people, something better accomplished by... well, by turning into a giant bird, which they all can do.

Notably absent were Charms to give her incredible health, the Charm to turn her into a goddamn giant death monster at will, or any actual Full Moon Charms.

The best part of all this is that in Exalted the bit I bolded is called "an inferiority complex."

[Friv]

My knowledge of Exalted is poor, but is that actually legal?

Technically, yes. She couldn't cast her useless spell successfully, but she could teach it to other sorcerers.

The trick with the one spell is that it's a shapeshifting effect, and Lunars come bundled with a magic artifact (specifically, silver tattoos) that perfectly stops all shapechanging effects used on them, even by themselves, except for the ones that are part of their natural Charmset (the restriction was built in to keep them from doubling up on power from some of the body-boosting spells, which would otherwise be pretty broken in the wrong hands). It's not actually required to have those tattoos, so the spell could be learned and even used by a Lunar before they were tattooed. If they got tattooed afterwards, they don't get the XP spent on the spell back, because Exalted is a jackass that way.

That said, I did actually put my foot down and prevent her from taking that spell. We switched it for the "turn into a giant goddamn god-monster" Charm, which helped boost her from "useless" to "not generally useful". I couldn't convince her to drop the Martial Arts or switch the other spells, though.

The big trick with the character was that on paper, it didn't look so bad. The guy advising her gave her three spells that were very useful for Solars who used sorcery, and forgot that one was useless and the other much less useful due to her being a Lunar. He gave her martial arts because Lunars don't get to favor a lot of skills, so unarmed combat seemed good, and martial arts styles were cool (all true, but overlooking that 1e Lunars pay through the nose for them and don't generally get full benefit). Then he realized that there was only one Charm left, so he looked at a handful of the ones she qualified for and asked her what seemed cool, and she chose storytelling as a lead-up to terrifying auras and roars and such, because it seemed to fit the god theme, even though social activity was her weakest area of expertise.

Like, I can totally see the thought processes that went into the character. They were all quite logical. They were also wrong, but logical.

[Anonymouswizard]

Okay, just had an idea for a GURPS character, TDT:

Spoiler: TDT

Show

Name: The Dinner Table.
25 points
ST 60
DX 0
IQ 0
HT 0
Size Modifier 1
Dmg 7d-1thr/9d+2sw
Basic lift 720
HP 60
Per 0
Will 0
FP 0
Basic speed 0
Basic move 0
Dodge 3
Advantages:
Doesn't Breathe
Doesn't Eat or Drink
Extra Leg
Extra Leg
Injury Tolerance (homogeneous)
Immunity to metabolic Hazards
Drawbacks:
No Arms
Unhealing (total)
Skills:
None

Suitable for low powered campaigns.

[turbo164]

Reposting from http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showt...eas&p=17964841

*A Barbarian 1/Bard 1/Cleric 1/Druid 1/Fighter 1/Monk 1/Paladin 1/Ranger 1/Sorceror 1/Wizard 1/startonplayershandbook2orsomething. Or roll dice to see which class you are each level up.

*A Huge (or bigger if possible!) Rogue, who's convinced he's the sneakiest thing ever, even when he's bigger than the house he's trying to rob.

*A Jumplomancer, but replace Jump with a less-amazing thing to impress people with. Appraise maybe? "Behold, citizens, this apple...is worth PRECISELY 13.7928465 copper pieces!" *fangirl squeals* *faints* *showers of autographs* Or Concentration; "Watch me ride this shark through a hurricane...WHILE reciting the alphabet BACKWARDS!" (unfortunately a bit harder to optimize since runspeed doesn't affect other skill checks)

*A Hulking Hurler, who instead of throwing trillion-ton-planets, uses dozens of Bags of Tricks to supply his ammo. Bats, Rhinos, whatever.

*A wizard with Arcane Thesis: Stick (Spell Compendium), stacking Quickened and Repeat and whatnot. Cover the barbarian in flowers every chance you can!

[GAA]

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1...it?usp=sharing

Aww yeah. This character was meant for this thread. Note that he is addicted to aether. It never says you HAVE to spend all the point buy points, so we put the rest in our inventory. Note he does not get sneak attack.

[Kriton]

A high-charisma Barbarian with Able Learner who insists on wearing fashionable, dandified outfits, fights with an elaborately gilded and arabesqued rapier, and spends all his skill points on things like social skills and obscure knowledges.

Recites French decadent poetry in combat except when raging, when he switches to Beowulf and the Mahabarata.

Omg I have that character in my game, his name is Frukul and he is a halforc, also he has cross-class ranks on perform(acting).

[Bucky]

Collateral Damage Man:

Half-elf commoner 4 / dragonmarked heir 4

Feats
1: Least Mark of Storm
3: Favored in House
6: Mighty Dragonmark

When you get the Greater Mark of Storm from your class, select Control Winds. Pick up one of the items which increase a dragonmarks' caster level by 2 - I forget the name - and your caster level is 18 which is sufficient to produce a tornado regardless of the current wind speed, over a radius of 720'. Since it's your only offensive ability it's your go-to offensive ability ...

He has no degrees of response, because all he can do is summon a city flattening tornado. All of Hell invading? Tornado. Army of Orcs attacking? That's a tornado. Large dragon kidnapped a princess? That's a tornado. The Queen is found dead in her bedchamber, and it's up to you to sift through the decadent and treacherous royal court to figure out who ordered the hit?

You better believe that's a tornado.

[JAL_1138]

A sea sponge. Not a sentient one, not a mobile one, not even one of the ones with spiky bits. Just a sea sponge.

In Dark Sun.

[Feddlefew]

A sea sponge. Not a sentient one, not a mobile one, not even one of the ones with spiky bits. Just a sea sponge.

In Dark Sun.

If we're going by Dwarf Fortress 2012 rules and you can get someone to resurrect the character as a zombie, they'd be functionally immortal. Useless, but immortal.

[Anonymouswizard]

A sea sponge. Not a sentient one, not a mobile one, not even one of the ones with spiky bits. Just a sea sponge.

In Dark Sun.

Look at my last post, where I had a GURPS character sheet for a dinner table. Same idea, only the sea sponge is:
a) slightly less useful (you can't put stuff on it).
b) slightly harder to justify it being present.
c) more likely to die, being in dark sun.

I think it takes the prize of best object to be presented as a PC as soon as I see a statblock for it.

[JAL_1138]

Look at my last post, where I had a GURPS character sheet for a dinner table. Same idea, only the sea sponge is:
a) slightly less useful (you can't put stuff on it).
b) slightly harder to justify it being present.
c) more likely to die, being in dark sun.

I think it takes the prize of best object to be presented as a PC as soon as I see a statblock for it.

Maybe something like this:

Climate: temperate to tropical ocean
Diet: plankton (filter feeder)
Organization: Solitary
No. Appearing: 1-3
AC: 20
HD: 1 (max HP: 1 per square foot)
Move: 0
# Attacks: 0
DMG/AT: N/A
THAC0: N/A
Intelligence: 0 (non-)
Morale: N/A
Alignment: Neutral
Languages: N/A
Special Attacks: N/A
Special Defenses: N/A
Magic Resistance: N/A
Size: S

Sea Sponge: Sea sponges are sessile filter-feeders that usually live on ocean reefs. They have a cumulative 10% chance per minute to die within 1 hour if exposed to air before being returned to salt water, dying automatically after ten minutes of exposure to air (roll 1d2: on a 1, die instantly; on a 2, the sponge survives for up to an hour but will die even if returned to salt water). Treat immersion in fresh water the same as exposure to air for chance of death. A dried sponge may be used to absorb liquid and/or scrub smooth surfaces when wet. A sponge cannot take actions of any kind, and its turn is always last in any initiative order. Sponges cannot gain class levels in any class.

[Feddlefew]

Maybe something like this:

Climate: temperate to tropical ocean
Diet: plankton (filter feeder)
Organization: Solitary
No. Appearing: 1-3
AC: 20
HD: 1 (max HP: 1 per square foot)
Move: 0
# Attacks: 0
DMG/AT: N/A
THAC0: N/A
Intelligence: 0 (non-)
Morale: N/A
Alignment: Neutral
Languages: N/A
Special Attacks: N/A
Special Defenses: N/A
Magic Resistance: N/A
Size: S

Sea Sponge: Sea sponges are sessile filter-feeders that usually live on ocean reefs. They have a cumulative 10% chance per minute to die within 1 hour if exposed to air before being returned to salt water, dying automatically after ten minutes of exposure to air (roll 1d2: on a 1, die instantly; on a 2, the sponge survives for up to an hour but will die even if returned to salt water). Treat immersion in fresh water the same as exposure to air for chance of death. A dried sponge may be used to absorb liquid and/or scrub smooth surfaces when wet. A sponge cannot take actions of any kind, and its turn is always last in any initiative order. Sponges cannot gain class levels in any class.

Sponges have one thing going for them: as long as there are living sponge cells left, they can coalesces into another sponge. You can literally run some kinds of sponges through a blender, dump the resulting slurry into a tank, and end up with a couple of new sponges in a few days with slightly less total mas than the original sponge. Many sponges also can, in fact, move. Very slowly. Cm/day slowly.


Sea Squirts, on the other hand, would make totally useless characters.

[Anonymouswizard]

Okay, let's see...

Clare
Minute female TN photon 1
Hit Dice: 1d0 (1 hp)
Initiative: 1/0.
Speed: 5901426336 ft (1180285267 squares).
Armour Class: infinity+5 (+infinity size, -5 dex), touch infinity+5, flat-footed infinity+5.
Base Attack/Grapple: No/how?
Attack: Pass Through +0 0 fire.
Full attack: Pass Through +0 0 fire.
Space/Reach: 0ft/0ft.
Special Attacks: nope.
Special Qualities: cannot slow down.
Saves: none.
Abilities: approximately 0.
Skills: a few ranks in fly.
Feats: being the fastest party member.
Environment: the universe.
Organisation: many.
Challenge Rating: non-existent.
Treasure: None
Alignment: True Neutral
Advancement: 983 571 056 feet per second
Level Adjustment: -


At least you can move with this one, so you don't have to sit out the game.

[Feddlefew]

Okay, let's see...

Clare
Minute female TN photon 1
Hit Dice: 1d0 (1 hp)
Initiative: 1/0.
Speed: 5901426336 ft (1180285267 squares).
Armour Class: infinity+5 (+infinity size, -5 dex), touch infinity+5, flat-footed infinity+5.
Base Attack/Grapple: No/how?
Attack: Pass Through +0 0 fire.
Full attack: Pass Through +0 0 fire.
Space/Reach: 0ft/0ft.
Special Attacks: nope.
Special Qualities: cannot slow down.
Saves: none.
Abilities: approximately 0.
Skills: a few ranks in fly.
Feats: being the fastest party member.
Environment: the universe.
Organisation: many.
Challenge Rating: non-existent.
Treasure: None
Alignment: True Neutral
Advancement: 983 571 056 feet per second
Level Adjustment: -


At least you can move with this one, so you don't have to sit out the game.

Hahaha I like this one.

Anyone want to stat the OMG particle as a character?

[JAL_1138]

Sponges have one thing going for them: as long as there are living sponge cells left, they can coalesces into another sponge. You can literally run some kinds of sponges through a blender, dump the resulting slurry into a tank, and end up with a couple of new sponges in a few days with slightly less total mas than the original sponge. Many sponges also can, in fact, move. Very slowly. Cm/day slowly.


Sea Squirts, on the other hand, would make totally useless characters.

I figured mm/cm per day was minimal enough not to stat it. Sea squirts can squirt, which is one more action than a sponge. On Athas. Still, another good contender.

Okay, let's see...

Clare
Minute female TN photon 1
Hit Dice: 1d0 (1 hp)
Initiative: 1/0.
Speed: 5901426336 ft (1180285267 squares).
Armour Class: infinity+5 (+infinity size, -5 dex), touch infinity+5, flat-footed infinity+5.
Base Attack/Grapple: No/how?
Attack: Pass Through +0 0 fire.
Full attack: Pass Through +0 0 fire.
Space/Reach: 0ft/0ft.
Special Attacks: nope.
Special Qualities: cannot slow down.
Saves: none.
Abilities: approximately 0.
Skills: a few ranks in fly.
Feats: being the fastest party member.
Environment: the universe.
Organisation: many.
Challenge Rating: non-existent.
Treasure: None
Alignment: True Neutral
Advancement: 983 571 056 feet per second
Level Adjustment: -


At least you can move with this one, so you don't have to sit out the game.

What about a neutrino? They interact with far fewer things than photons.

[Feddlefew]

I figured mm/cm per day was minimal enough not to stat it. Sea squirts can squirt, which is one more action than a sponge. On Athas. Still, another good contender.

It's less of a squirt than a complete structural collapse forcing water out of their systems when they're removed from water. Otherwise they're functionally like completely immobile sponges, sans regenerative superpowers.

If I think of any other sessile animals that make useless PCs, I'll post them here. The only other one I've thought of are tube worms.

[JAL_1138]

It's less of a squirt than a complete structural collapse forcing water out of their systems when they're removed from water. Otherwise they're functionally like completely immobile sponges, sans regenerative superpowers.

If I think of any other sessile animals that make useless PCs, I'll post them here. The only other one I've thought of are tube worms.

Perhaps a bowl of petunias (not a sessile animal, but certainly immobile)...named Agrajag, if nobody's gotten to that one yet...

EDIT: Immobile except, perhaps, toward the ground at considerable speed. Once.

[Anonymouswizard]

Perhaps a bowl of petunias (not a sessile animal, but certainly immobile)...named Agrajag, if nobody's gotten to that one yet...

Now come on, the chances of that getting past a GM are infinitely improbable.

[JAL_1138]

Now come on, the chances of that getting past a GM are infinitely improbable.

Well, if we need something infinitely improbable, we can just take a finite improbability generator, calculate the improbability of creating an infinite improbability generator, give it a nice hot cup of tea, and be ready to run from the angry mob of physicists and engineers who've been working on creating one for decades...

[Anonymouswizard]

Well, if we need something infinitely improbable, we can just take a finite improbability generator, calculate the improbability of creating an infinite improbability generator, give it a nice hot cup of tea, and be ready to run from the angry mob of physicists and engineers who've been working on creating one for decades...

When we have it, and when it develops sapience after running, I get to play the infinite improbability drive.

[GuesssWho]

There was a guy mentioned in an old handbook named Daruth Winterwood that would be a wonderfully horrible PC.

He lives in the Far Realms and his brain has been replaced by spiders.

[Milodiah]

I don't remember if I ever posted Captain Splonks on this.

Captain Splonks is a Traveller character I offered to my friend, when said friend had difficulty selecting one of the many he had rolled up.

Captain Splonks is in possession of an alien TL30 5 million ton super dreadnought; his only duty, nay, his only ability, is to use that super dreadnought to follow the party firing off rainbow-colored sandcasters while yelling "WOOOOOOOO!" over every and all comms device he has access to, which is all of them.

The fact that this ship is twice as advanced as any other piece of tech in the arsenal of mankind means he can never be evaded. Pop into jumpspace, he has generated a bubble somehow linked with yours. Hide behind a star? He's inside the star. Land on an asteroid, cover the ship with dust? Chameleon tech - he is the asteroid. Get off the ship, take a planetside elevator all the way down to the lowest, darkest, cramped-est basement you can find? Guess what. He has a shrink ray.

[TurboGhast]

Play 4e bard.

Take only multiclassing feats, and as many power swaps a possible.

It is such a waste, especially with how useless the power swap feats are.