Crack Pairings VI - We've Finally Stooped to Shipping Ourselves

[Sereg]

Does the prison allow conjugal visits?

I thouight of that but decided that it was unlikely, espeially if they weren't already in a serious relationship.

Before strip 120?

Same suggestion as Yiuel, I also thought of that, but thought that Miko would act a little differently if she was in a relationship...unless...she just misses he Sangikins...Idea!

@Zanaril Yes, evil V is hot, but personally I prefer V without the fangs and threat to exterminate my entire family.

The fics that have been put up are really good.

@Icastflare! Please come back soon.

On music: I only really started liking music quite late so I never really developed a preferance, though I must admit that I don't actually like heavy metal (sorry). It just sounds like screaming to me. I also don't like songs whoose sole purpose appears to be to swear a lot.

On my morality with powers: The thing is, I like helping people, being useful, making them happy. I don't really want to hurt anyone unless I feel that they need to learn a lesson.

[Asta Kask]

No worries, Sereg. I'm not one of those who say that everyone has to like what I like. And I don't think anyone else here is either. We're too much of misfits to want to ostracize each other.

Trying to answer Coffee's other question, which somehow got lost in the general confusion:

Durkon listens to Led Zeppelin, we know that.
Haley listened to the Cure (Light Wounds) during her emo teenager years, but now? Probably pop/rock.
Belkar listens to Alice Cooper, and is convinced that the beheadings and other mayhem on stage is for real.
Vaarsuvius listens to classical music, preferrably Bach. The complex musical structure helps him/her relax.
Elan probably has the broadest taste of the group. As long as it's good music (and he knows what is good music), he doesn't care.
Roy listens to the more intelligent heavy metal bands like Iron Maiden and Metallica.

Xykon is an operatic villain, so opera suits him perfectly.

Re: Water-Smurf's question about V watching her child being tortured - it is also possible that she might snap. Just withdraw into her own world of bunnies and puppies. BSOD.

[CoffeeIncluded]

Ugh. Didn't sleep well last night. (Woke up at 4 AM)

I also had two separate dreams about the Crack Pairings Thread.

[Closak]

Dreams about the crack pairings thread?

Tell us tell us tell us!


In other news, the ABD is commiting mass-homicide on a village of elves.
I think i'm going to join in on the fun!

DIE ELVES MWOAHAHA!

[Silverraptor]

Ugh. Didn't sleep well last night. (Woke up at 4 AM)

I also had two separate dreams about the Crack Pairings Thread.

Oh?

What was it about?

[Asta Kask]

Ugh. Didn't sleep well last night. (Woke up at 4 AM)

I also had two separate dreams about the Crack Pairings Thread.

Were they PG-13? Because otherwise I think it may be a little TMI.

[Zanaril]

General 'watching loved ones suffer' is a theme with me. It shows off the character in a way that other situations don't.

Yeah, nothing is more releaving about character than how people react in dire situations.

Beating up Redcloak horribly and making her watch seems like a good low-risk 'I'm not ****ing around, bitch' warning before he cracked out the big guns and set Master on Tiasal. Hopefully, if it got to the point where Redcloak was hacking up blood on the ground, Vaarsuvius would get the hint.

Except that I'm not sure she would react the way Xykon would want. Vaarsuvius already knows that Xykon roughs up his subordinates - Reddy included - because it happened last time she was being held prisoner. While seeing it happen would be a horrible experience (and more so now that she knows she cares for him), it's nothing that she didn't already expect from Xykon.

If anything, it's just going to make her more resolved to find a way to escape. From what I've seen V still doesn't think of Xykon as anything more than the Big Bad with a short attention span, so V's going to think that Tiasal's in danger anyway because Xykon just attacks things because he likes watching them burn. Xykon beating Reddy to a bloody pulp is only going to enforce that notion.

Xykon needs to show that he can be a little more subtle. Reddy's newly-missing eye is a good example; there has to be something like that which can be used for V. Something to show that he isn't always sledgehammer.


Of course, that doesn't mean Xykon won't try the Reddy beating method first.

She could possibly start dancing on the edge and need Redcloak to pull her back, but I think she would hold it together for the sake of her children, both in the castle and back home.

Assuming Xykon doesn't limit their time together the way he does with Reddy and Tiasal.

How would V and Tiasal get along, anyway? V's got the same straightforward nature that Tia values in Reddy, but she's also more aloof.

And... oh boy. How's she going to take it if Tiasal tells her that Aandy and the rest of them are (presumed) dead?

Hmmm... and I wonder whether mental links with familiars work post-ressurection and over long distances...

@Zanaril Yes, evil V is hot, but personally I prefer V without the fangs and threat to exterminate my entire family.

I'm sure your family would be perfectly safe.

As long as you behaved.

Were they PG-13?

Watch out, silence on this matter might be taken as a 'no'!


And lastly, banner:

[Aaron]

Ugh. Didn't sleep well last night. (Woke up at 4 AM)

I also had two separate dreams about the Crack Pairings Thread.

Sorry that you didn't sleep well.

Dreams about the Crack Pairings Thread?!?
*pulls up a chair and notepad*
Tell me all about it. As long as it's not higher than PG-13.

[CoffeeIncluded]

Were they PG-13? Because otherwise I think it may be a little TMI.

Yes, they were.

The first one wasn't so nice. I dreamt that I had found a sort of...Wiki on the different people on the thread, and what other people thought of them. And my entry.

Basically in my dream all you guys regarded me as "The Scrappy" of the group. You couldn't stand me, thought I was borderline insane, and only kept me around for a laugh at my expense.

My entry actually said as a description of me, "When you need someone lower on the totem pole than you to laugh at," and "Practically crazy...Only good for a cheap laugh."

*Sigh* Even in my dreams, I can't escape my near-crippling paranoia.

The second one was better. It was a crack pairing between Cliffportians and that blue psionic goblin sub-race, especially a female one.

[Water-Smurf]

Yeah, nothing is more releaving about character than how people react in dire situations.

And most people try to write it so that the characters are in those situations themselves, but I think that it's more revealing to see how they hold up if someone they care about is in that situation and they're helpless to watch.

Except that I'm not sure she would react the way Xykon would want. Vaarsuvius already knows that Xykon roughs up his subordinates - Reddy included - because it happened last time she was being held prisoner. While seeing it happen would be a horrible experience (and more so now that she knows she cares for him), it's nothing that she didn't already expect from Xykon.

If anything, it's just going to make her more resolved to find a way to escape. From what I've seen V still doesn't think of Xykon as anything more than the Big Bad with a short attention span, so V's going to think that Tiasal's in danger anyway because Xykon just attacks things because he likes watching them burn. Xykon beating Reddy to a bloody pulp is only going to enforce that notion.

Xykon needs to show that he can be a little more subtle. Reddy's newly-missing eye is a good example; there has to be something like that which can be used for V. Something to show that he isn't always sledgehammer.

Like what? Taking an eye lacks the significance it had for Redcloak, and I can't think of any other mutilations that would have anymore meaning. Xykon doesn't know Vaarsuvius.

*bing, idea* Maybe something like taking her out for a walk, 'accidentally' walking in on Tiasal cleaning up around a lake or something. Xykon holds Vaarsuvius back from revealing that they're there, and Tiasal falls into the lake or something and gets caught under the water. Xykon keeps Vaarsuvius back from saving her, gives a small lecture on what will happen if she 'misbehaves' again, then after she is forced to promise to listen to him, Xykon breaks the ice and lets Tiasal out. Rough idea, may or may not use a variation. How would that work?

Of course, that doesn't mean Xykon won't try the Reddy beating method first.

I think that he'd take a certain amount of glee in doing that, actually. Bonus points if he could actually get Redcloak to cough up blood, and then keep him from healing himself for a bit. It'll solidify Vaarsuvius's opinion of him as a monstrous brute, but I don't think he cares too much.

Assuming Xykon doesn't limit their time together the way he does with Reddy and Tiasal.

I've been trying to think of how Vaarsuvius would react to Tiasal. She's her own flesh and blood, and a lot of motherly love (or at least in my experience--unless I'm repressing some serious memories, I'm not a mother) is instinctive. But considering Vaarsuvius's disconnection with her emotions, she wouldn't have the immediate click of 'I love my baby!' in her brain like Redcloak did. It'd be more like 'Holy crap, I had a baby and now it's fifteen years old. WTF?'

But there would have to be at least some sense of protectiveness there. Vaarsuvius may not admit to love, but she loves fiercely. And it's not like she forgot the little baby she had over the years in the sapphire.

How would V and Tiasal get along, anyway? V's got the same straightforward nature that Tia values in Reddy, but she's also more aloof.

I think that Tiasal would find it easier to trust Vaarsuvius, if not to open up to her. Vaarsuvius does not have the ability to be subversive and it's pretty obvious that she doesn't even try, while Redcloak is subtle and obviously is capable of deception. Vaarsuvius would probably be a little confused as to how to deal with her--it's the first child she gave birth to, and the first child she couldn't pawn off to Inkyrius or someone else who knew how to work with kids--and would just focus on the 'let's get her safe' thing before dealing with the messy 'okay, how the hell do I interact with this kid?' stuff.

She really is terrified of screwing her own children up. She cares about them and loves them, but just doesn't know how to work with them. I think that Tiasal is mature enough so that Vaarsuvius could relate to her on an adult level, which is hugely helpful, but Redcloak will probably need to guide her through the finer points of 'how to give a healthy amount of affection to your children'.

Of course, if Vaarsuvius sees her child wanting, like if she's hungry or upset or scared, I have no doubt that she would do her best to fix the issue, even if she finds the solution anxiety-inducing, like she would be willing to allow her child to sleep in the same bed as her after a horrible nightmare, even if it reminds her too much of the things her parents did.

I think that Tiasal would recognize her awkward but earnest desire to take care of her, and she would probably trust it more than Redcloak's much more calculated strategies to make sure she's safe and his open affection, mostly because it's hard for someone to be trying to trick her when they have no idea what they're doing, but Redcloak seems like he would be more than capable of tricking.

Of course, I need to think about Tiasal's relationship with her absent mother more. I've been able to flesh out the complexity of her feelings for Redcloak, but the absence of her mother has been just as present in her life. She doesn't have a mommy and she has wanted one, but unlike Redcloak, she didn't even have a mother stand-in. She had Right-Eye, but no mother. Haley, just like Elan, kept their relationship firmly in the 'Auntie' territory as respect to Vaarsuvius and just in case Vaarsuvius came back, and no ghost came along who fit the mother archetype. What she knows of Vaarsuvius is that she was a brave warrior, a powerful wizard, she only had Tiasal because her body couldn't handle abortion, for some reason she slept with her jailer, and that she's someone her brothers don't want her to have, in their heart of hearts. She's someone they want to keep to themselves, so in a way, they deprived her of her mother by holding all their memories and all that they had of Vaarsuvius to themselves and refused to share.

Whereas Redcloak was shrouded in darkness, Vaarsuvius just wasn't there. Her brothers took that away, and all the stories the Order told were one-sided and hollow. At least with Redcloak, the veiled comments they made when they didn't think she was listening and the little whispers and the presence of his brother gave his image substance, if not clarity. But Vaarsuvius? Anything they said about her was so one-sided that it looked like it was one-dimensional. They didn't even make comments about her beyond 'she shouldn't have slept with Redcloak' when Tiasal eavesdropped. Her brothers and Inkyrius kept all their memories away from her--her brothers because they wanted their Other Parent to themselves, and Inkyrius because s/he was delicate and s/he didn't want to taint Tiasal's image of her mother because of hir own feelings for Vaarsuvius. Vaarsuvius really is just a flat plain to her. This woman that should be the example of everything she should be when she grows up just... isn't there. A tangible absence, without even the substance or heaviness that Redcloak's absence had.

And... oh boy. How's she going to take it if Tiasal tells her that Aandy and the rest of them are (presumed) dead?

Presumable BSOD that Redcloak will have to knock her out of. :<

Hmmm... and I wonder whether mental links with familiars work post-ressurection and over long distances...

Anyone here who knows more about the rules?

And lastly, banner:

SQUEE! :D :D

I don't know which to use...

[Asta Kask]

*bing, idea* Maybe something like taking her out for a walk, 'accidentally' walking in on Tiasal cleaning up around a lake or something. Xykon holds Vaarsuvius back from revealing that they're there, and Tiasal falls into the lake or something and gets caught under the water. Xykon keeps Vaarsuvius back from saving her, gives a small lecture on what will happen if she 'misbehaves' again, then after she is forced to promise to listen to him, Xykon breaks the ice and lets Tiasal out. Rough idea, may or may not use a variation. How would that work?

Have you seen Cat's Eye? Or read Quitters Incorporated.

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In that movie, a guy is trying to quit smoking so goes to Quitter's Inc. where they promise that he'll succeed. He is shown a room through a plexiglass window, where a cat is being given electro-shocks through the floor. Disgusted, he turns to the manager and says "And I suppose if I smoke you'll put me in that room." "Certainly not," the manager answers. "We put your wife there... and let you watch."

Does this give you any ideas?

[Closak]

I have dreams about crack pairings quite often.

All of them involve the ABD in some way...


*Hides from a army of dragonslayers*

Dragonslayer: Where is he?
Dragonslayer 2: Uhh...*Scratches head*
Me: *Starts a rock slide*
Dragonslayer army: *Looks up* AHHHHHH *Get's crushed by rocks*

[Asta Kask]

The first one wasn't so nice. I dreamt that I had found a sort of...Wiki on the different people on the thread, and what other people thought of them. And my entry.

Basically in my dream all you guys regarded me as "The Scrappy" of the group. You couldn't stand me, thought I was borderline insane, and only kept me around for a laugh at my expense.

My entry actually said as a description of me, "When you need someone lower on the totem pole than you to laugh at," and "Practically crazy...Only good for a cheap laugh."

Sounds like someone needs a *group hug*.

[Closak]

YAY! GROUP HUG! *Hugs*

(SQUILCH)

Uhh...Did i just accidentally crush someone again?
Oops

[CoffeeIncluded]

Sounds like someone needs a *group hug*.

Thanks. *Hugs*

[Water-Smurf]

*hugs Coffee tightly*

<3 Dreams are just dreams.

[CoffeeIncluded]

*hugs Coffee tightly*

<3 Dreams are just dreams.

*Returns hugs*

Thanks.

Though now I'm wondering why the paranoia cropped up again now...

[Asta Kask]

Because you are nervous about something?

When are you going to see your boy in a play?

[CoffeeIncluded]

Because you are nervous about something?

When are you going to see your boy in a play?

I've got a science competition on Saturday.

I'm seeing him tomorrow actually. Haven't gotten an answer yet...

I just wish that this paranoia that everyone secretly hates me would go away and never come back...

[Eztheria]

<insert mental image of Zanarils recent banner-awesomeness here>

I don't know which to use...

Neither do I.

On the topic of how Tiasal would react to V... She probably would be a bit confused about how to act. As you've said, there was no mother figure and information on V was withheld for various reasons, so Tia doesn't quite know what to do and what is expected of her and she might be pushed a little further towards the edge if V reacts badly to Tias relationship with Xykon. I am shifting back and forth two major scenario roads:
Firstly, V gets rezzed before Xykon is dead and is torn in between two paths of action: Maintain composture and lay low for a while until it's safe to act and slowly build up a positive relationship with her estranged daughter or being more active. In my mind, I see a V shaking in rage when she gets rezzed, but maybe I just can't assess her correctly.
Second, V gets rezzed after Xykon is dead or out of the picture. Which is unlikely, because her firepower is needed. The enemy is gone and there's nothing that would hinder a nice mother-to-daughter-and-vice-versa-talk on the trip home. With some mopping up misunderstandings, that is. But that would make for a very boring ending. To my shame, I must confess that I love happy endings. But it could go as an Omake :)


On an unrelated note, my second story is in the works, partly because I annoyed my writing muse in history lessons today into helping me.

Edit: *glomps coffee* Never! You are one of those I worship, that entry should've had my name on it. Good luck for your competition!

[Asta Kask]

I've got a science competition on Saturday.

Oooh... what's your entry? Or is it answer questions type?

I'm seeing him tomorrow actually. Haven't gotten an answer yet...

It's possible that this is making you nervous.

If he's anything like I was at that age, he'll have talked himself into one of three things:

• you really meant that you want to be his friend
• you meant that you like someone and confided in him
• it was a brief moment of insanity

You see, guys get nervous too. And then they talk themselves into stupid things.

I just wish that this paranoia that everyone secretly hates me would go away and never come back...

*adjusts the settings on the Orbital Mind Control Laser*

[CoffeeIncluded]

Oooh... what's your entry? Or is it answer questions type?

It's a science competition where I answer questions in events.

I'll do fine (I placed 3rd and 5th last year in my events), but as always, I'm still a bit nervous.

It's possible that this is making you nervous.

If he's anything like I was at that age, he'll have talked himself into one of three things:

• you really meant that you want to be his friend
• you meant that you like someone and confided in him
• it was a brief moment of insanity

You see, guys get nervous too. And then they talk themselves into stupid things.

I don't think so. He suspected for a while and I made my confession of my feelings towards him very, very clear.

[Taekwondodo]

Right! I now know who my next pairing is going to be about (VxHaley) but it looks like it will be a while yet coming, just dribs and drabs at the moment, not even in order!

No Coffee, we luvs you! *hugs* (Yes that kind of love )

As for music I'll listen to practically anything, as long as I can sing to it. In my MP3 player I have everything from Linken Park to Il Divo.

[Asta Kask]

I don't think so. He suspected for a while and I made my confession of my feelings towards him very, very clear.

Then he's probably just nervous. It's much easier when the other part does all the hard work...

And Coffee, I have too few friends to throw them away. Just so you know.

[KnightMysterio]

A continuation of my Miko/Snarl fic. This one will be told in smaller parts, due to school-related stuff and other writing projects conflicting. I'd love to see what an artist's take on Miko's current Snarl-empowered form would be like, but as I have no money for a commission, I won't officially make that request. Anyway, here's the next part of the story, which I have now titled "Order of the Stick: Knight of Destruction."

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Miko, her purple and indigo armor shimmering in the sunlight, rode across the land. Inside her swollen midsection, she felt the Snarl stirring about in subdued fashion.

“You’re being awfully quiet for a being of pure destruction and disorder,” Miko comment.

The Snarl chuckled. Beloved, when you’ve been imprisoned for as long as I have, you tend to learn patience. To my delight, learning patience has allowed me to come up with new ways to destroy…

Miko nodded. “Where are we going, then?”

I have one final test for you, Miko, the Snarl said.

Miko blinked, and gave her belly an irritated look. “A test?”

One final test. If you fail, then I will simply leave you and find a new host. I will be disappointed, for certain, as in you I see myself. If you succeed… Heh, then the destruction can truly begin.

Miko frowned. She felt a twinge of unease as she went down the road. It only occurred to her after she had traveled for an hour that she recognized this path.

“It can’t be… I haven’t been back here in years…” Miko said. She spurred Windstriker on, the now demonic horse thundering along the path. Moving at twice his normal speed, Windstriker dashed across the land, heading up into the mountains, the rocky terrain no barrier for the enchanted horse.

In short order, they arrived at the end of the path: Miko gasped, seeing the ancient columns of stone, the trees and blossoming plants surrounding this oasis in the harshness of the mountains.

“This… This is the temple where I was born… Where my life began, where I took my first levels in monk…” Miko whispered.

The Snarl chuckled. This is your final test, Miko. To see if you and I are meant to be together.

Miko stared in shock. Slivers of happy memories flitted through her thoughts, as she dismounted and headed into the temple.

She stepped into the courtyard of the monastery, finding no one there. “Hello?” she called out, “Is anyone around?”

Miko frowned. She ran a Listen check, hearing a pair of soft footsteps heading for the main courtyard. Reflexively, she whirled, reaching for her katana and wakizashi,

“Miko?” said a soft voice.

It took Miko a moment to recognize the voice. But when she did… “Mother?”

A cloaked figure emerged from the main temple. She removed her hood, revealing an aged face, one that Miko knew well.

“Mother? Milady Eyko?” Miko asked, her hands shaking.

The woman stared at Miko worriedly. “Miko? My little Miko? Is that you?”

An eternity of imprisonment has taught me patience, child. But I can sense you will make your decision soon. Until then, I will remain silent, the Snarl said to Miko.

Miko’s hands shook as Eyko slowly approached her. She managed to smile, bringing her hands together and bowing. “I… Yes, it is me, mother. I have been… through much… And as you can tell, I have changed somewhat…”

“So I see…” Eyko said, tears coming her eyes as she rushed over to hug her daughter. “Oh Twelve Gods be praised, it is good to see you again!”

A flash of anger jolted Miko at the mention of the Twelve Gods, but she managed to contain her fury for now, and hugged her mother gently, careful not to cut her with the blades on her armor. “It is… good to be seen again… I have been away for a long time.”

Eyko smiled warmly, kissing her daughter’s cheek. “I was so worried… When Azure City was conquered and turned into Gobbotopia, I was afraid I had lost you…”

“Gobbotopia?!” Miko said, visibly confused.

Eyko nodded sadly. “For the past four years, going on five now, Azure City has been under control over the bearer of the Red Mantle. The lich Xykon occasionally shows up there as well, but he mainly hunts the Order of the Stick, who travel from gate to gate, stopping him from taking them over.”

Miko scowled. “Well, at least I know where everyone I want to kill is…” she muttered.

“Hm?” Eyko asked.

“Nothing,” Miko said quickly, smiling.

Eyko chuckled. “We will have plenty of time to talk. And you can tell me who the father of my grandchildren is,” she said, patting Miko’s swollen middle as she led her inside.

Miko could almost hear the Snarl snickering as she struggled to find a way to explain this without giving herself away. She cursed former life, as she had taken no levels in Bluff or any sort of deception…

Last time, on Order of the Stick: Knight of Destruction...

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Miko Miyazaki died without honor.

She had slain her lord, accused innocent adventurers (well, technically Belkar wasn’t innocent but he was innocent of… well, most of what she accused him of), and refused to believe in the simple fact that she might, just MIGHT, be wrong. She had destroyed a sacred gate, and moved the world a little closer to destruction. And all the while, she thought she was doing the right thing, the will of the Gods.

When she found that she had been sent to Hell, she was a little surprised.

Over three years of torture. Not physical, no. Truth be told, and even she had to admit it after a while, it was quite pleasant, if it violated all her beliefs on intimacy.

She had two different things happen to her. One, she was effectively forced to become Sabine’s ‘pet,’ the succubus using her for every pleasure imaginable. To top things off, Sabine also forced her to take care of Hell’s stables, and make sure the hellhorses were happy.

Yes, in that way as well.

Windstriker tried to free his beloved mistress, but lost a Will save and became one of Sabine’s personal mounts. Miko was strong, however. She could get through this. And as long as Windstriker was safe, she was content.

If had been just that, she could have adjusted easily. Her views on sex and lust being challenged and violated daily? She could adjust to that. It was humiliating, (especially when Sabine brought that accursed fool Nale in), but she could deal with that. She would not break simply because she was a slave to the perversions of a succubus.

The problem was that this was Hell. And it never let you have something you could endure so easily. Over and over again, Miko was shown precisely the reasons she had been sent down there. Visions assailed her hourly, showing her that everything she had done that had brought her to this fate over and over again. Shojo’s death, the ‘evil’ monsters she had killed that had actually turned out to be good, Roy telling her the cold hard truth about her character, the brutal, out of line beatings she gave to the Order of the Stick when they didn’t cooperate with her, her own maddened rampages, the destruction of the gate… Over and over the visions assailed her.

On the eve of the fourth year of her torment in Hell, Miko began to break. Despair began to overtake her as it finally started to sink that she was WRONG, that she was foolishly arrogant and deserved the daily humiliation Sabine and her demonic sisters inflicted upon her daily…

But even as that despair set in, something else set in: an indignant fury.

She had made mistakes, certainly… But where had the gods been? Hadn’t she served them loyally, even if it was mistakenly? She had done wrong, certainly, but you think someone who had prayed to them as faithfully had she had would at the very LEAST merit a celestial tap on the shoulder and a whispered “You MIGHT wanna reconsider what you’re doing, here…”

Miko staggered through the flaming caverns that were near the succubus quarters. The superheated rocks burned her flesh, but she barely noticed. Humiliation, shame, and anger clouded her thoughts, the damned paladin’s mind muddled.

She collapsed in a cave, sobbing. “WHY HAVE YOU ABANDONED ME!?!!” she screamed to the Gods.

Abandoned you? a dark, sinister voice chuckled, That would imply they cared about you in the first place.

Miko looked around, frightened. “Who… Who’s there?!”

The Gods do not care. They are squabbling children, who only care about their own amusement. If they help the creatures of the world at all, it is because they think it would be FUNNY…

Miko looked around the cavern frantically. She soon discovered the source of the voice, a tear in back wall of the cavern, one radiating purple energy… And in that rift, two glowing red eyes stared out at her.

“Get… Get AWAY!!” Miko screamed, frantically backing away.

I think not, child, the creature said, You are too interesting.

Energy lanced out of the rift, collapsing the cavern and trapping Miko inside.

“Oh Gods… What new torments have you come up with for me?!” she moaned.

The creature chuckled. Silly girl, I mean you no harm. I am called the Snarl. I am what the Gates were meant to keep imprisoned.

Miko’s blood froze. The very thing the Sapphire Guard had been created to defend against, here before her.

“Fiend… Whatever you want from me, I will not give!!” Miko hissed.

Silly child. Once I am through, you will give me EVERYTHING I WANT… And you will give it freely…

Before Miko could react, tendrils of energy reached out and pulled her into the rift. Screaming, the fallen paladin was pulled in, vanishing in a flash of purple light.

She found herself in a realm of pure madness. Colors, lights, shadows, shapes, all danced about madly. The effect frightened her worse than anything she had ever endured before.

“Where… Where am I!?”

You are with me, child… I am the creation of the Gods…

Miko shook her head. “You are an abomination! A creature of destruction!”

As are you, Miko Miyazaki.

“NO! I am a samurai! A servant of the Twelve Gods!” Miko almost shrieked.

Then why are you in Hell?

“I… I was misled… I…” Miko stammered.

The gods… And not just your twelve gods, but all the gods… They do not care about the world… Neither do I, for that matter, but at least I’m honest about it. I make no pretense of benevolence…

“You…” Miko stammered, “You are destruction! You are madness and decay…”

So are you, child.

“NO!” Miko screamed, “I am noble, I am honorable, I am…”

You slew innocents simply because their race was classified as evil. You attacked adventurers trying to save the world from… well, me. You slew your noble and just king. You destroyed one of the gates keeping me in check.

“I did those things because I thought I was protecting justice! That I was doing the will of the Gods!!” Miko screamed, looking about the maddening display.

And look where that got you.

Miko had no response. She covered her ears, trying to block out the voice in her head, telling her such things.

She flinched, the Snarl creating gentle hands to caress her. You are a destructor, child. Just like me.

“No…” Miko whispered, the Snarl’s etherial hands gently massaging her shoulders, “I am… I am a samurai… A noble paladin of the Sapphire Guard…”

Think back to all your kills… Did it not feel good to have your blade bite into their flesh? Did it not excite you to cleft heads from shoulders, flesh from bone?

“The Sapphire Guard is above such desires…” Miko weakly protested. The hands were becoming more bold in their caresses, moving across her back and around to her front.

To deny yourself is to destroy yourself, child… And you are not the suicidal type. Think back… Think long and hard on how it felt… And tell me truly… Did it feel good?

Miko moaned, the Snarl’s words forcing her to remember not just the act… But the sensation… The thrill that went through her as she killed… A thrill more than one garnered from doing what she believed was the right thing.

“Yes…” she moaned, ”It felt good to kill…”

There we go… Now… What would you like to do to that miserable halfling that the Order of the Stick associates with?

Fury filled Miko’s body. “I will slay him,” she said.

Come now. You can be more detailed than that…

Miko laughed giddily, all her old rage-filled fantasies that she had forcibly suppressed coming forward. “I will flay the skin from his body while he still lives… I will force him to drink acid while listening to children’s music… I will make him pull out his own intestines while saying nice things about puppies and kitties… And then I will make him throttle himself with his own intestines!!!”

The Snarl seemed to laugh. Not bad. A little bland, but it’s something to work on…

Miko shook her head, shame at her rage still within her, even as another part of her felt giddy excitement at letting all these suppressed emotions out. “What do you want from me?”

Quite frankly, Miko, I want you to be mine… I adore you. I have never seen another soul so much like mine… There is a great deal of suppressed rage in you. So much desire to destroy, to rend, to sunder, all buried beneath piety and virtue. But that piety is cracking, now isn’t it?

“Yes… “ Miko admitted, tears of shame in her eyes.

The gods do not care about you…

“Yes…” Miko said, the anger welling up inside her again.

You served them loyally and without question…

“Yes…” Miko said, bitterness welling up inside her.

And yet when you made mistakes, they made no effort to save you.

“Yes…” Miko said, her voice now a hiss of fury.

You hate them…

“Yes…” Miko said, surprising herself at her answer.

You wish to destroy them…

“Yes…” Miko said, a smiling crossing her face at how right the answer sounded.

You with to hurt them, make them pay…

“Yes,” Miko said with more certainty.

You wish to rend asunder their works, and then render them asunder as well…

“Yes…” Miko said, a grin crossing her face, her eyes starting to glow red.

And you wish to make their chosen defenders, the Order of the Stick, suffer for bringing you to this…

“Yes… By everything holy or unholy yes…” Miko said.

Then accept me, the Snarl said, Embrace me, embrace my path. You, my knight of destruction, shall be the key to undoing the gods and their works. Carry me inside you, and slay any who get in your way. Abandon any pretense of piety, or nobility, and embrace the path of True Chaos. Will you embrace me, Miko Miyazaki, and revel in destruction with me?

Miko closed her eyes. She thought about her options… or at least she tried. The feeling of abandonment, the halfling’s mocking voice, the humiliation she suffered… they dominated her thoughts.

“I accept,” she whispered.

The Snarl laughed. Miko gasped, feeling energy flowing into her, strength empowering her. She felt her body swelling, as if she was going to burst. Light, shadow, colors, all flowed around her, all flowed into her, the light blinding her.

When she regained her vision, she found herself back amongst the living, standing by a riverbed. She looked down at herself, finding her body covered in purple and indigo armor, similar in design to her old paladin garb, but with a more menacing edge to it. What’s more, she found that her belly had swollen out, looking like she was nine months along with triplets. She placed a hand to her swollen stomach, feeling something stirring within.

It was then she understood.

“Of course… ‘Carry me inside you,’ it said… I bear the Snarl itself within me…” she said. She held up a hand, dark magic flowing through her and manifesting as a dark blue aura. She grinned savagely, and clenched her fist, a jagged edged katana forming in her hand. “Its power flows through me… Through my own actions, the Snarl can act directly on the world…”

Miko laughed, delighted. She understood for the first time. She UNDERSTOOD, and it was a liberating feeling. Powerful flowed through her, filling her every pore, begging to be released.

Chuckling, she looked at herself in the reflection of the nearby river, seeing that her hair had turned white, her eyes now glowing red.

She chuckled. “It begins… The gates will fall, and the gods will fall soon after…”

Yes, the Snarl chuckled, the voice now a welcome presence in Miko’s head, And you, my beautiful Knight of Destruction, shall lead the charge, both lover and mother to me.

Miko grinned savagely. She gestured, summoning Windstriker to her side, the Snarl’s power turning him into a deadly, purple-furred fel beast. She mounted her steed, and said, “And as for the Order of the Stick… Heh. Their suffering shall be endless… As will be my pleasure…”

[Zanaril]

Like what? Taking an eye lacks the significance it had for Redcloak, and I can't think of any other mutilations that would have anymore meaning. Xykon doesn't know Vaarsuvius.

As well as the reminder of his brother, the missing eye works well becasue it's a constant physical reminder that for as long as Reddy obeys Xykon and doesn't regenerate it, Xykon essentially owns him.

It's not the mutilation itself, it's that Redcloak didn't resist. Reddy would have gouged the eye out himself if Xykon had told him to.

*bing, idea* Maybe something like taking her out for a walk, 'accidentally' walking in on Tiasal cleaning up around a lake or something. Xykon holds Vaarsuvius back from revealing that they're there, and Tiasal falls into the lake or something and gets caught under the water. Xykon keeps Vaarsuvius back from saving her, gives a small lecture on what will happen if she 'misbehaves' again, then after she is forced to promise to listen to him, Xykon breaks the ice and lets Tiasal out. Rough idea, may or may not use a variation. How would that work?

That could work, although I don't think Xykon would leave that much to chance. It would have to be something that was carefully set up, while still presenting a real threat. The idea isn't so much to lecture V as it is to show her that Xykon holds all the strings; although the mental image of Xykon calmly chiding V while Tiasal is screaming in the background seems about right.

What might work better than physically restraining V from rescuing Tiasal is to present a situation where she can't rescue Tia. Xykon could then refuse to do anything until V is literally begging him to help.

I think that he'd take a certain amount of glee in doing that, actually. Bonus points if he could actually get Redcloak to cough up blood, and then keep him from healing himself for a bit.

Agreed. And it would be a good first demonstration to V of how fully Xykon can order Reddy around.

It'd be more like 'Holy crap, I had a baby and now it's fifteen years old. WTF?'

I think that Tiasal is mature enough so that Vaarsuvius could relate to her on an adult level, which is hugely helpful, but Redcloak will probably need to guide her through the finer points of 'how to give a healthy amount of affection to your children'.

Treating her as an adult is exactly what Tia wants people to do. I can't say whether or not it's what she needs, though.

I think there's going to be an equal amount confusion on both sides. However, they do have to potential to get on quite well.

Of course, if Vaarsuvius sees her child wanting, like if she's hungry or upset or scared, I have no doubt that she would do her best to fix the issue, even if she finds the solution anxiety-inducing, like she would be willing to allow her child to sleep in the same bed as her after a horrible nightmare, even if it reminds her too much of the things her parents did.

With any luck, maybe it'll help V with these issues. I suppose she'd be worried about showing too much affection because she remembered how awkward it made her own childhood; but with the amount of isolation that Tiasal has had growing up, any amount of genuine affection is going to be appreciated.

Whereas Redcloak was shrouded in darkness, Vaarsuvius just wasn't there.

This woman that should be the example of everything she should be when she grows up just... isn't there. A tangible absence, without even the substance or heaviness that Redcloak's absence had.

Would this make it easier forming a bond with V, or is it just going to leave her uncertain of where to place this new concept amidst all the confusion?

Presumable BSOD that Redcloak will have to knock her out of. :<

I can see this happening quite frequently.

I don't know which to use...

It's a problem that only gets worse as the number of banners in the first post increases.

[Aaron]

Sounds like someone needs a *group hug*.

*hugs Coffee extra tightly*

...Huh? You can't breath? *goes from extra tight hug to tight hug mode* Better?

[CoffeeIncluded]

Seriously guys, thanks.

[Lix Lorn]

YokYok x Tsukiko.
I can WORK with this. XD

[The Succubus]

I'm going out on a limb with this one, with a crack fic set in a different world but probably familiar to most.

Spoiler

Show

The rain pattered on the wooden roof, the darkening sky contrasting his mood perfectly. Not that he had much room in his heart for art or metaphor; that sort of useless crap was dreamed up by hippies who spent their days picking flowers and listening to folk music, when instead they should be pushing up daisies and being bawled out by their commanding officers.
Bodies and parts of bodies littered the ground around him, worthless maggots not fit to point a rifle in his face. He had slaughtered them all, except for him and that cyclopean bastard's life was getting shorter by the second....
A change in the drumming of the rain caused him to spin round and there was his nemesis, the traitor that laughed at him behind his back, who told shameless lies about his heroics in Europe, the son of a ♥♥♥♥♥ that was even now staring down two feet of rocket propelling death. Time slowed down to a crawl as the two of them watched each other for what seemed like an eternity.

“Ye're outta ammo.”

“As are you, you scotch-swilling TRAITOR!”

“Ye're callin' me a traitor? YOU sold me out for a weapon, ye worthless gob♥♥♥♥e!”

With a beserker yell, he pulled out his shovel and charged. Instinctively, his foe grabbed for the ever-present bottle of scotch that hung from his toolbelt and swung. As per dramatic convention, a sheet of lightning ripped open the sky and thunder roared through the open buildings of the sawmill. He ducked under the bottle and drove his fist into the Demoman's stomach. The traitor fell backwards and slammed into the wall behind, watching the shovel rise above his head.
A blur of movement and sharp crack sent him reeling and the smell of scotch filled the air around him.

“Ye bastard, that were a bottle of 1807's finest! I'LL KILL YOU!”

“I'd like to see you try, you Scottish pansy!”

The two of them leapt at each other's throats, the rain pouring down on them. Weapons had been discarded, each wanting the satisfaction of killing the other with their bare hands. A flurry of punches knocked both of them to the ground. He pulled himself up, waiting for the Demoman to finish him off while he was vunerable, when laughter broke through the falling rain.

“What's so damn funny?!” he asked.

“I cannae remember the last time I had a decent fight like this.”

“I remember. A night on the town, then I smacked you through a shop window, then the SWAT team turned up...”

By now the Demoman had collapsed on the floor, laughing himself silly. Even he felt a smile creep to his lips. “Good times.” He frowned as another memory played in his head. “....and then that strange woman turned up...”

The Demoman stopped laughing. “A coupla months ago?”

“Yeah...”

“'Twere her funny assistant that turned up at my door, sayin' all manner o' bad stuff aboot ye...”

A relatively unused part of his brain offered an intruiging idea. “We've been had.”

“Ye werrrre mah best friend. And ye still are.”

As the Demoman reached to help him up, he slipped and fell on top of him. He could feel the warm, scotch tainted breath blowing on his face. They slowly leant towards each other and their lips began to touch....

*****

“MISS HARDING!”

The Administrator's assistant burst through the door and she looked from the monitor screen to her supervisor's horror-stricken face.

“What are they DOING?! Have they become....friends....again?”

“Well,” she said, slowly moving towards the exit, “you could put it like that.....”

After posting this story on its home forum, I recieved the following:

"Proof positive that a story doesn't need to be poorly written to make you a lesser human being for writing it.

You're a terrible person."