Crack Pairings VIII - We Need A Half-Elf Template

[Lix Lorn]

I have to write it now, don't I. DXD

[Taekwondodo]

I have to write it now, don't I. DXD

Yes, yes you do.

[Aaron]

Not Alone in the Dark

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First Officer's Log, Supplemental
There has been an altercation between Vaarsuvius and Mr. Bitterleaf, which I intercepted before anyone was hurt. Vaarsuvius has disappeared further into the ruins, which are likely to be heavily trapped and infested with the undead. I have decided to investigate, after hearing what seems to be a disturbance up ahead. Hopefully, I shall be able to offer assistance before the situation becomes too dangerous.

---

Spock followed Vaarsuvius' path further into the tomb, a Dancing Lights spell the only illumination. He finally found the elf in another burial chamber, surrounded by its undead denizens. There were dozens of cuts on the elf's face from their spears. Despite the ankle pinned by a misplaced rock, scattered bones indicated that Vaarsuvius had fought back quite well, but a lucky grapple attempt by a skeleton had put a stop to that. Spock drew his phaser and fired, neatly disintegrating the skeleton and drawing the attention of the rest of the horde.

He tried to fire again, but there was no response. Between the dimensional travel and week of neglect, much of the charge seemed to have drained. He dropped the useless device, calculations of the odds dashing through his mind unbidden. A spell would be his best option, but he only had a few remaining. If he misfired even once.…

"Fireball!" The whole swarm was engulfed by flames, and light flooded the cavern. Spock blinked a bit. Vaarsuvius was sitting up, looking cross and tired. Blackwing fluttered over.

"Impressive," Spock remarked, making his way across the slightly smoldering remains. "I am sorry if I startled you, Vaarsuvius. Perhaps it was not logical for me to come myself. You are far more experienced than I."

"Not at all. You provided an excellent distraction. I was not able to use some of my more powerful spells with them so close." There was a slightly pregnant pause. Blackwing nudged Vaarsuvius with his beak. "I apologize for my behavior early," Vaarsuvius said at last, sounding more cross than apologetic. "It was idiotic of me."

"Perhaps not the best choice, no," he remarked, pushing the rock aside and kneeling down to examine the elf. "Are you hurt anywhere?"

"No." Another pause, another nudge from Blackwing. "You were correct in what you said. I cannot allow myself to lose control. I will eventually do something extremely regrettable." Vaarsuvius looked down, seeming almost ashamed. "No – I have already done something I regret."

"I have been told I am not particularly skilled as a confidant, but if you do wish to tell me…"

A shake of the head. "I would prefer not to mention it."

'Very well then. You are sure you are unharmed?" He moved his hand delicately across the elf's face, feeling for any wounds. It paused momentarily at Vaarsuvius' ear. The elf trembled a bit. "They are surprisingly different in shape," Spock remarked.

"Yes…" The usual verbosity was gone, as delicate hand held delicate ear. Their faces were very close together, for a moment that seemed to last an eternity.

And then, someone leaned a little closer…

The kiss lasted only a second or so, until both of them moved back, as if they were startled that the other reciprocated. Blackwing crowed quietly. An attitude of abject embarrassment seemed to suddenly permeate the scene.

Vaarsuvius broke the silence this time, thankful the dim light hid what might have been a blush. "I apolgize for having taken any liberties – I was not thinking – my ears are… unusually sensitive."

"I do not believe you need to apologize. I would certainly not characterize your response as unpleasant." He changed the subject quickly. "Your ankle appears to be injured. Do you need any assistance? I could carry you if you cannot support your weight."

"It does not work like that," snapped Vaarsuvius. "As long as my hitpoints remain, I am perfectly capable of walk – urgh." The elf staggered painfully. "Perhaps a little support would not be amiss.”

Arm in arm, they headed for the mouth of the tomb.

This is probably about the limit of any actual romance that is going to happen.

This story's pretty easy to keep safe, considering the fact that no one's hooked up yet. So here you go!

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Yutrin squinted up, shaking a little in place. It didn’t look like the sky really existed—there was only the sun, no blue, and if he concentrated, he saw the shifting stars—but it was all he had to navigate. The sun was so vicious that it burned his skin, but he could deal with that. Burnt skin wasn’t so bad next to the eminent threat before him.

He was carefully perched on the windowsill of a house near the edge of the water, trying to re-bandage his feet. The cuts were healing, but the feet themselves were swollen, like something deep within the wounds were forming, and they were warm to touch. It didn’t exactly take his experience as a cleric to know that they were infected.

And he didn’t have any tools to take care of them. He ran the risk of developing gangrene, and if he did, if he was lucky he would only lose his feet. If he wasn’t lucky, he would die.

Fear clutched his heart tightly, but he struggled to push it away, biting his lip hard and trying to imagine Jalyamir standing behind him, her laugh rolling into his ears. “Keep it together. It’s not like running’s going to help. You’ve got a pregnant lady to take care of now, though why you’ll take care of a human when the baby’s not yours is beyond me…”

“It’s the right thing to do.”

“If I turned up pregnant in this wasteland with her husband, do you think he would do even half what you’re doing for her or do you think that I’d be skewered?”

Yutrin sighed, wondering briefly if the sun had made him crack or if he was having a private moral crisis. “The Dark One teaches that we should treat each other with love and respect.”

“Each other. As in, goblins. Not humans. Humans like to stick us full of pointy things and serve us for XP.”

“Humans may be morally corrupt, but that doesn’t mean that I have to be.” Yutrin swallowed hard, making sure his feet were wrapped tight before slipping on a pair of old sandals he had found. “Mijung won’t be able to survive here on her own. I’m going to stay with her for as long as she and the baby needs me. I’m the only one with medical experience who she can trust.”

He carefully stepped to the ground, wincing at the pain a little afraid to look around incase he actually did see Jalyamir standing behind him.

“But can you trust her? Mark my words—if you keep this up, the only thing you’ll get is a knife to the throat once she and the baby get hungry. If you even survive that long.”

“I won’t. I won’t survive that long.” And the thought terrified him.

Gritting his teeth past the agony in his feet, he stepped through the field of glass towards the only place he knew had food—the wild.

---

Mijung squatted over the ground, careful to keep any of her skin from touching the twisted glass and metal, and took a pinch of dirt between her fingers, only to have it dryly crumble with a feeble huff and fall back to the earth.

There was no way anything could grow in that.

She sighed softly and stood up, looking around at the abandoned homes and wasteland that lay beyond, then glancing at the sky, frowning at how artificial it all looked. The sun was jerking along unevenly, the stars moved around in shapes and forms, uncaring for the laws of physics and astronomy, and the sky itself remained black despite the big ball of fire going across.

This was probably caused by the deities that had been torturing her.

She ran her hands through her hair, banishing thought of anything related to them in her mind, the broken heart locket and the obsidian amulet around her neck heavy against her chest. Maybe she would be able to find out more about them. She had found several books in the houses around theirs—if she could just translate it, then she would be able to see what the people from before knew…

“Mijung? What are you doing out here?”

She turned around to see a familiar goblin with a water skin and a basket staring at her.

“Just because I’m pregnant doesn’t mean that I can’t be useful, so stop treating me like it.” She scowled irritably and gestured to the land around them. “I’ve been exploring to see if there’s anything else we can salvage. And I’ve confirmed that the land is useless for agriculture, but maybe that can be fixed with work.”

Yutrin’s ears twitched curiously, then he smiled. “Right. I’m sorry—I forget that humans have different ways of taking care of pregnant women than goblins do.”

He walked to the house they had taken up, pushing the door open and putting the water skin and the basket down besides the water and berries he had already brought. “Whenever a woman is pregnant or gives birth, my entire village takes care of her and the baby to make sure they’re safe. We mean no insult towards her ability to look after herself—it’s just the only way goblins can make sure the next generation can survive.”

“You’re whole village?” Mijung’s scowl only deepened, crossing her arms over her chest, a flash of unnecessary anger bursting in her chest. “What about the father? Does he just forget about it or are your goblin women never sure who it is?”

Yutrin turned to look at her, ears twitching, eyes expressionless.

Her stiff shoulders drooped a little and the anger subsided as quickly as it came. “Sorry. That was uncalled for.”

“I don’t expect a human to know much about goblins.” He slipped into the house, and Mijung noticed a limp in his gait. “That’s probably why you’re always clearing us out.”

Mijung winced a little at the bitterness in his voice, inwardly scolding herself before walking in the house. Evil creature or no, this goblin had been doing nothing but help her since they ended up here, and here she was, insulting his culture, his home, and his species without knowing much beyond what her husband had told her.

She leaned on the wall, but he ignored her, focusing on boiling their water at the fireplace.

“So, um, why does the whole village take care of her? Why not the father?” she asked, sitting slowly on the foot of the bed.

His ears twitched, but he didn’t turn to look at her. “It’s hard to live as a goblin for long. The father always takes care of his pregnant mate.” He carefully took a red-hot rock out of the fire with tongs and put it in the water, capping the basket with a cloth to keep the steam inside. “It’s hormonal. But the village is required to protect her and any young children because, without their protection, elves and humans would slaughter them. One man can’t stand against that.”

Mijung crossed her legs, staring at the fire and trying to ignore the frosty pause. “You seem to know a lot about this. Do you have kids?”

That got him to look up at her, albeit with an arched eyebrow. “How young do humans have kids?”

“You’re supposed to wait until your twenties or thirties.”

“How old do you think I am?” Yutrin tossed a rock into the fire. “Mijung, I’m barely old enough to be looking for a mate. I’m sixteen.”

“Wait, seriously? You’re a teenager?” Mijung’s eyebrows shot up.

“Young adult. Sixteen is the very beginning of adulthood for goblins.” He looked back at the flames, concentrating on what he was doing.

“And you’re what level?”

“We learn fast. We get levels quickly. We have to—we only live until we’re fifty at the latest.” He tossed a rock in the water, making sure to keep in all the steam. “Where are you from? I lived in the Elven Lands. There were only a few human settlements there. I’ve never really spoken to someone besides a goblin.”

His ears were perked. He was more curious than he was letting on.

“I’m from Azure City, in the Southern Continent. My husband and I were visiting the Elven Lands as messengers, where I fell into the rift.”

“Do you have children?”

“No.” Mijung rested a hand on her stomach, letting out a nervous chuckle. “This… this’ll be my first.”

Yutrin stared at the fire for a while, then looked back at her, softening. “Come sit next to me. Sunset will be soon, and it’s already cold.”

She sat next to him in front of the flames. They stayed a couple inches apart, still too frightened to touch, but the silence was more comfortable.

“Tell me about Azure City. I’ve never lived anywhere but my village—what’s it like with all the people? And the government? And the schooling?”

Mijung perked, eager in recognizing a fellow curious spirit. “I’ll tell you a bit about mine if you tell me a bit about yours. We can take turns.”

“That sounds good to me. What is it like to have so many people around?”

“Cramped. You’re always rubbing shoulders with someone and you need to be very careful so that you don’t have some pickpocket taking your things, but it’s not without it’s charm. You’re never alone in a city—you can always go to a coffee shop or something for some company.”

“It’s not so different in my village, save for the pickpockets. We’re a very small community—about a hundred members or so, children and elderly included—but we also have a very small space to live, so we’re always stuck together. It’s a bit of a nuisance if you want to be alone, especially if you’re a cleric, like me. Clerics have to stay in the village more often for the wounded.”

Mijung cheerfully hugged her knees, forgetting who she was talking to for a moment. “So you’ve known all the people in your home since birth? Wouldn’t that make getting married a little awkward, since you’ve known all the girls since you were kids?”

“Not always. There are other goblin settlements, though I wouldn’t dream of living there. Our village is very safe. I don’t really know if I want to get married, actually.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. It’s hard to concentrate on being a cleric when you’re married and you have children. If I get a family, I want to give them the attention they deserve. I’m too devoted to the Dark One for that.”

“Huh.” Mijung leaned back, staring at the fire. “I can’t imagine being that devoted to a god, but I’m an arcane caster, so I guess that I wouldn’t know.”

“It’s special for goblins. The Dark One is the only one who protects us.” He smiled, the frostiness forgotten. “My turn to ask a question. Is it frightening to have so many people you don’t know around?”

“Not really…”

They kept talking into the night, careful to never ask personal questions, until they had a light dinner and crawled into the bed. This time, they slept with their backs touching, and Mijung didn’t notice how strangely warm her companion was, or how he shivered gently.

None of them heard the quiet hissing outside as someone not quite human peered through their window with narrow eyes.

Thoughts?

Those were both really sweet, Tira-chan and Water-Smurf. I liked them.

I have to write it now, don't I. DXD

You MUST! It says so in the soul and life binding contract you signed.

[Lix Lorn]

Awman! You told me that was the receit for the delivery of my soul swapping system...
Okay, thinking how to write this...

[Lateral]

I can't believe that I'm doing this, but I rolled a matchup on the random thingy and this is just so hilarious that I have to do it. Actually, you know what, screw it. I write badly. Could someone else maybe do this?

Horace Greenhilt + Horace Greenhilt

Aliens Made Them Do it + Kidnapped + Kidnapped + Everyone is a furry version of themselves. ()

[icastflare!]

I can't believe that I'm doing this, but I rolled a matchup on the random thingy and this is just so hilarious that I have to do it. Actually, you know what, screw it. I write badly. Could someone else maybe do this?

Horace Greenhilt + Horace Greenhilt

Aliens Made Them Do it + Kidnapped + Kidnapped + Everyone is a furry version of themselves. ()

I know how it could happen but am working on Thog/Elan.

by the way,please change your signature. We like to think we are safe from rick rolls.

EDIT: my story for the squickys isnt on the main page. Link right here!

[CapedLuigiYoshi]

I can't believe that I'm doing this, but I rolled a matchup on the random thingy and this is just so hilarious that I have to do it. Actually, you know what, screw it. I write badly. Could someone else maybe do this?

Horace Greenhilt + Horace Greenhilt

Aliens Made Them Do it + Kidnapped + Kidnapped + Everyone is a furry version of themselves. ()

That reminds me, I didn't get around to the third chapter of that Lien/Lien fic...

I probably won't, either.

[Debatra]

Hmm. Is amnesia on the roller?

EDIT: And since I just realised the implication, I can specifically say that no; Miko does not get amnesia from the blow to the head in my fic.

[MollyMiri]

Hmm. Is amnesia on the roller?

Yep! Number 9 on the plot device table.

[The Succubus]

To lighten the mood of late, I give you what is possibly my greatest pairing yet: a four (or possibly even five) way Crack Pairing, with kidnapping, destruction and a crime against nature and good taste yet still board friendly. Without further ado, I bring you V x ABD x Hieronymous Grubwigger x Xykon:

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V slowly open his eyes and gazed at the unfamiliar surroundings he found himself in. The room was full of arcane and mechanical devices, bubbling tubes and manacles. There was also an uncomfortably large amount of dragon, which even now was glaring at him from the opposite side of the room.

“Vaarsuvius,” it said.

“Dragon. Or what is left of your wretched kind,” glowered the elf.

“It is fortunate for you that I share your incarcerated situation, or I would even now be devouring you slowly. Feet first.”

“Do you happen to know the individual responsible for chaining us up? All I can recall is walking down the streets of Greysky City when a hammer struck me over the head.”

“The same thing happened to me,” replied the dragon, somewhat embarassed.

V appraised the dragon with a disbeliving look.

“It was quite a large hammer...”

“AH, I see you have made introductions!” said a thin, reedy voice from across the room. The repulsive figure of Hieronymous Grubwigger lurched into the room, his grotesque skin neatly complimenting his deeply suspicious accent. “You should both feel honoured, for today we bear witness to the creation of a species NEVER BEFORE SEEN IN THE WORLD!!!!!!” he shouted, barely managing to contain the insane laughter that usually precedes a blasphemy against nature.

“Mr Grubbwigger,” replied V testily, “half dragons are not an unusual species, in this or any other world and the odds of my willingly copulating with the reptile opposite are on the far side of remote.”

“FOOL! I do not need your co-operation, or that of the dragon!” he snapped and pulled on a large metal lever. A slow moment caused the elf to look up. A large and very ominous metal object was descending slowly towards him – it was a shame V had never seen any James Bond films, otherwise he would have correctly used the phrase “death ray”. A similar device was heading to the dragon.

“FEEL THE UNTAPPED POWER OF NATURE!” shrieked Grubwigger, as lightning roared through the equipment towards the death rays. A low humming sound rose in volume and pitch as V thrashed back and forward, desperate to avoid the horrible fate awaiting him. The death ray let out a high pitched shriek as a small needle poked out of the end and drew a drop of blood from V and the dragon.

“Now, Vaarsuvius, your hidden ancestry shall mingle with the ancient bloodline of the Black Dragonflight!”

The two drops of blood rushed towards a large chamber in the centre of the room, mingled and with a flash of light, a small egg appeared. Both prisoners looked surprised.

“Well, its been fun, but I have a client waiting for this,” said Grubwigger, placing the egg in a crate marked “c/o Xykon, Great Western Desert.”


The devestation was horrific – it was hard to believe that one single creature had done all this. Its stamina was beyond belief, it was capable of flight and served as Xykon's personal mount. It was now going to serve as an executioner to the unfortunate commoner begging for his life in the ruins of the village.

Despite the terror he felt, the commoner couldn't help but stare at the bizarre creature before him. It was the size of a mature dragon and had long tail, wings and talons like others he'd seen. However, the head was most definitely not reptilian and the body was covered in purple fur. It had a large hump in the centre of its back, which served as the seat for the lich and with a loud “HWWWWWWRAK”, spat some noxious substance over him, which immediately caught fire.

“It spits napalm as well?! I really wish I hadn't killed the frog-guy – I could have used a lot more of these.” The creature flapped its wings and slowly began to fly away. Soon the entire continent would begin to tremble before the awesome might of.....

THE DRAGO-CAMEL.

Also, if anyone wants to draw me a banner or avatar based on the end result of the story, I'd be deeply grateful.

[Lix Lorn]

xDDDDDD
Awesome. Truly, truly awesome.

[MollyMiri]

The last line made me snort.

[Tira-chan]

Hey, this is a heads up to all the crack pairing fans out there! I recently got a warning from the honorable Roland saying the image in my signature was too tall. I shrunk it down a bit, so not a problem, but since they're all off the same template, I wanted to make sure that everyone fixed up any problems.

It was only two pixels too tall, too... Roland is very good at his job.

[Draconi Redfir]

HOLY FLOCKING TWELVE GODS! its finally done!!!

This is Gicko's entry for the April Squickie Award:

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Redcloak groaned as he opened his eyes, it took him awhile to realise this was not the tent he had fallen asleep in the other night, he had instead woken up on the floor of a small stone room, with two large mirrors on opposite sides. “Xylon?” he called, reaching for his holy symbol, his clawed hand scratched around his armour fruitlessly before he realised it was gone. Redcloak quickly stood up in a panic, patting himself down and searching the floor beneath him, had he dropped it? but it was no use, Redcloaks holy symbol was gone, and so was Xylon’s phylactery. When Xylon heard about this… Redcloak didn’t want to think about it, he had to focus on finding a way out of this room anyways. He did a quick scan of the room, stopping at a huddled-up figure in the opposite corner of the room. It shifted slightly, and Redcloaks eyes opened wide as he saw the awakening human with long black hair, and a blue robe.


Miko rubbed her eyes slowly, quickly realising this wasn’t were she had fallen asleep on her trip back from the Dwarven lands. As she opened her eyes wider, she saw a figure standing over her with green skin, and a red cloak. “You!” she shouted, quickly throwing herself up, reaching for her swords, quickly realising they were no longer in their sheaths. Miko quickly searched the ground beneath her, he swords were nowhere to be found. She quickly scanned the room she was trapped in, no escape. “Weapons gone…” Miko thought, quickly putting the pieces together in her mind. “Dark room, no escape… appear to be alone with that…” Miko’s eyes opened wide. “YOU SICK BASTARD!” she yelled, tackling the Goblin to the floor.


Redcloak quickly moved his head as he dodged a punch which proceeded to create a large hole in the stone floor, was she a monk!? “What are you talking about!?” he yelled as he rolled out from underneath the enraged paladin. It took awhile for what she had said to sink in, but Redcloak quickly understood, bringing his hands up to his mouth to resist vomiting. “Ugh, by the dark one don’t flatter yourself!” he said leading forward to face the ground. “Like I would ever touch a paladin, much less a human, much less you!” the paladin scowled, raising her fists as if expecting him to attack. “I wont fall for your lies crimson mantle, for whatever reason you brought me here, I will defeat you and escape!” Redcloak rolled his eyes and the human. “Typical” he thought to himself. he opened his mouth to argue back, but was interrupted by the sound of magic, he turned around to see two separate tables, each with a single chair had appeared behind him. Sitting on each table was a small meal that appeared identical to the next; in the center of each meal was a single chocolate rabbit. Redcloak only now realised how hungry he was, and he could clearly hear the human’s stomach growl in hunger as she stared at the food.


Miko stared at the food on the tables, it felt as if she hadn’t eaten in days, and the food looked and smelled so delicious! She stared at the bearer of the crimson mantle, then to the food, then to the goblin again. “Another trick mantle-bearer? Trying to poison me perhaps?” the goblin rolled his eyes again and walked to the table on the opposite side of the room. “For the dark one’s sake I’m not the one who brought you here, I’m in the same boat you are. Now if you don’t mind, I’m starving, can we skip the fighting until after we have eaten at least?” Miko frowned and walked up to her own table, merely standing behind its chair with her hands on its backrest, staring at the goblin intensely. “Oh for… look, if your worried, just use detect poison on it,” the Goblin said after noticing her staring. “I already have, and I can assure you that none of this food is poisonous”. Miko frowned again and sat down into the chair, carefully picking up each individual food item and casting detect poison on it, so far the goblin was right, none of the food seems to have been tampered with. Miko carefully picked up a bun and took a few bites out of it. it didn’t take long for her to give in to her hunger however, as she steadily began eating at a quicker pace.


No words were exchanged between Miko and Redcloak as they ate, Miko would constantly glare at Redcloak, still believing this whole set-up to be some kind of twisted plot, Redcloak on the other hand quietly examined the room for means of escape, the mirrors on the walls could lead to something, though due to the fact that each mirror took up almost the entire wall, looking at them gave a dizzying effect of looking into an infinite reflections of the same room. Eventually both the goblin and the human had eaten all the food off there plate, and now found themselves each chewing on a chocolate rabbit, each having nothing to do but glare at one another.


Redcloak was getting tired of staring at the human; her accusing eyes stared back at him, blaming him for their mutual imprisonment in the strange stone room. They each took another bite out of their respective chocolate rabbits, Redcloak wasn’t entirely sure why he was eating it anymore, he barely even liked chocolate. But something about it just urged him to keep eating, some kind of new flavour... the human continued to glare at him, he glared back. Redcloak began examining his opponent. They both knew that the moment they finished the chocolate rabbits in their hands, the fight would begin anew. Yet something was off, he couldn’t his eyes off her human face, her eyes shone blue like the sky, her hair looked to be as fine as silk… why couldn’t he get his eyes off her?


“So.” Miko announced after patting her mouth with a napkin. “Shall we continue?” the goblin quickly shook his head, as if he was previously lost in thought, no doubt praying to his evil god for the strength to die honourably. The goblin slowly stood, Miko found it hard not to notice how well his red cloak matched with his black armour, and how his strong eyes shone like the sun… Miko quickly blinked, shaking her head free of the evil thoughts. The goblin was obviously using some kind of silent charm to try to dull her mind, but she refused to fall for it.


The twp foes stood facing one another in the center of the room. They stared at one another, unnatural urges within them growing. Miko was the first to act, she hunched down, extending her arms in a classic example of martial arts. Redcloak frowned and copied her stance, he had always depended on magic and other goblins to do the fighting for him, he hoped he would be ok. Miko let out a yell, and began to charge, again Redcloak mimicked her. And before either of them knew it, they were on the floor. Not throwing punches or kicks as they had expected, but rather passionately kissing and embracing. Any thoughts they may have had against their acts were quickly clouded over by seemingly undying love for one another. There was no sapphire city, their was no plan. There was only the two of them here, and now.




Meanwhile, a lone skeletal figure laughed hysterically as he observed the scene from a throne behind a one-way mirror. His laugher only stopping briefly as he tossed handfuls of popcorn into his mouth. A second figure shrouded in darkness approached from behind him.

“Xylon?” the shadowed creature asked. “What’s so funny?” Xylon laughed again as he pointed towards the glass separating him from the two disrobing figures on the other side. “awww you got those two together!? That’s so sweeet!”. Xylon shook his head, wiping a nonexistent tear away from an empty eye socket. “I-I laced their chocolate rabbits... In love potion!” Xylon burst into laugher again as the creature in the darkness raised an eyebrow. “Well that doesn’t seem very nice,” the creature in the shadows said as he looked curiously at the two figures in the other room. “ohhh” Xylon answered between fits of laughter. “But this is just the beginning! Just wait until they wake up tomorrow and realize what they just did!” again the skeleton burst into laughter as he tossed another handful of popcorn into his mouth.

The creature in the shadows was silent for a moment, considering what the skeleton had just said. “…So why are you eating popcorn? You don’t have a stomach to eat with!” Xylon just shrugged as he threw another handful into his mouth, keeping his eyes on the pair in the other room. “Seemed like the appropriate thing to do… want some chocolate?”

“Oh goodie!” the creature yelled as it bit the ears off its own chocolate rabbit. “…I love you Xylon,” the creature said after successfully swallowing the rabbit’s entire head. Xylon paused and turned to the creature in the shadows for a moment before turning his attention back to the human and the goblin in the other room. “Yeah, I love you too ya freak”.

now lets see... this one entry is 1500 words long... so yeah... even if i dont win, im gunna need to skip the next two squickies due to it being so long ... assumeing it even gets accepted of corse.


also: i absolutely hate the last bit, but i cant think of any way to make it better, and im tired of this dang thing haunting me. im done! >.<

[The Succubus]

We've been flexible with regards to other entries this month, so we'll allow this one. By all means enter the May one too but do try to stick more closely to the word limit next time.

[Sereg]

Both excellent pieces of work MasamuneSSX and Gicko.

[Lix Lorn]

I like em both. XD

[Closak]

Ahhh...ABD... *Drools*

No wait, bad Closak, bad! *Slaps self*


I have a distinct feeling that the idea i have would fall into the "Too much violence" category
Okay, scrap that, back to the drawing board.


Hmmm...i wonder what happens if you put a nymphomaniac black dragon and a chimera in the same room...

Let's find out...FOR SCIENCE! (SMACK) ...ow, da hamma hurt

...Okay, forget about that...


......Hehehehe (Smirk)...
Oh boy, this oughta be good.

And there you have my train of thoughts when trying to come up with a new story.

[Lix Lorn]

It's 4 siense. GETITRITE. XD

(Waits for story like good kuppygirl)

[Taekwondodo]

@ MasamuneSSX: *Sounds of applause* V x ABD with no sex or violence and lots of humour? I take off my hat to you (if I was wearing one, of course).

@ Gicko: Redcloak x Miko? Redcloak x Miko?! *Brain explodes* One small criticism, the lich is called Xykon.

[Draconi Redfir]

told you i was gunna write a Redcloak x Miko didint i? :P


and no he isent o.0 Xylon's name is Xylon, unless i mispelled his name somerere in there and didit see...


edit: and dodo:... since when were you a girl? o.0

[Closak]

It's spelled X-Y-K-O-N


And you didn't know Dodo is a female?
How...did you...miss that...


Ah well. *Goes back to work*

[Lix Lorn]

Assuming he's the one from OotS, he's called Xykon.
Yeah, Dodo was always a girl. XD

[Tira-chan]

HOLY FLOCKING TWELVE GODS! its finally done!!!

This is Gicko's entry for the April Squickie Award:

Spoiler

Show

Redcloak groaned as he opened his eyes, it took him awhile to realise this was not the tent he had fallen asleep in the other night, he had instead woken up on the floor of a small stone room, with two large mirrors on opposite sides. “Xylon?” he called, reaching for his holy symbol, his clawed hand scratched around his armour fruitlessly before he realised it was gone. Redcloak quickly stood up in a panic, patting himself down and searching the floor beneath him, had he dropped it? but it was no use, Redcloaks holy symbol was gone, and so was Xylon’s phylactery. When Xylon heard about this… Redcloak didn’t want to think about it, he had to focus on finding a way out of this room anyways. He did a quick scan of the room, stopping at a huddled-up figure in the opposite corner of the room. It shifted slightly, and Redcloaks eyes opened wide as he saw the awakening human with long black hair, and a blue robe.


Miko rubbed her eyes slowly, quickly realising this wasn’t were she had fallen asleep on her trip back from the Dwarven lands. As she opened her eyes wider, she saw a figure standing over her with green skin, and a red cloak. “You!” she shouted, quickly throwing herself up, reaching for her swords, quickly realising they were no longer in their sheaths. Miko quickly searched the ground beneath her, he swords were nowhere to be found. She quickly scanned the room she was trapped in, no escape. “Weapons gone…” Miko thought, quickly putting the pieces together in her mind. “Dark room, no escape… appear to be alone with that…” Miko’s eyes opened wide. “YOU SICK BASTARD!” she yelled, tackling the Goblin to the floor.


Redcloak quickly moved his head as he dodged a punch which proceeded to create a large hole in the stone floor, was she a monk!? “What are you talking about!?” he yelled as he rolled out from underneath the enraged paladin. It took awhile for what she had said to sink in, but Redcloak quickly understood, bringing his hands up to his mouth to resist vomiting. “Ugh, by the dark one don’t flatter yourself!” he said leading forward to face the ground. “Like I would ever touch a paladin, much less a human, much less you!” the paladin scowled, raising her fists as if expecting him to attack. “I wont fall for your lies crimson mantle, for whatever reason you brought me here, I will defeat you and escape!” Redcloak rolled his eyes and the human. “Typical” he thought to himself. he opened his mouth to argue back, but was interrupted by the sound of magic, he turned around to see two separate tables, each with a single chair had appeared behind him. Sitting on each table was a small meal that appeared identical to the next; in the center of each meal was a single chocolate rabbit. Redcloak only now realised how hungry he was, and he could clearly hear the human’s stomach growl in hunger as she stared at the food.


Miko stared at the food on the tables, it felt as if she hadn’t eaten in days, and the food looked and smelled so delicious! She stared at the bearer of the crimson mantle, then to the food, then to the goblin again. “Another trick mantle-bearer? Trying to poison me perhaps?” the goblin rolled his eyes again and walked to the table on the opposite side of the room. “For the dark one’s sake I’m not the one who brought you here, I’m in the same boat you are. Now if you don’t mind, I’m starving, can we skip the fighting until after we have eaten at least?” Miko frowned and walked up to her own table, merely standing behind its chair with her hands on its backrest, staring at the goblin intensely. “Oh for… look, if your worried, just use detect poison on it,” the Goblin said after noticing her staring. “I already have, and I can assure you that none of this food is poisonous”. Miko frowned again and sat down into the chair, carefully picking up each individual food item and casting detect poison on it, so far the goblin was right, none of the food seems to have been tampered with. Miko carefully picked up a bun and took a few bites out of it. it didn’t take long for her to give in to her hunger however, as she steadily began eating at a quicker pace.


No words were exchanged between Miko and Redcloak as they ate, Miko would constantly glare at Redcloak, still believing this whole set-up to be some kind of twisted plot, Redcloak on the other hand quietly examined the room for means of escape, the mirrors on the walls could lead to something, though due to the fact that each mirror took up almost the entire wall, looking at them gave a dizzying effect of looking into an infinite reflections of the same room. Eventually both the goblin and the human had eaten all the food off there plate, and now found themselves each chewing on a chocolate rabbit, each having nothing to do but glare at one another.


Redcloak was getting tired of staring at the human; her accusing eyes stared back at him, blaming him for their mutual imprisonment in the strange stone room. They each took another bite out of their respective chocolate rabbits, Redcloak wasn’t entirely sure why he was eating it anymore, he barely even liked chocolate. But something about it just urged him to keep eating, some kind of new flavour... the human continued to glare at him, he glared back. Redcloak began examining his opponent. They both knew that the moment they finished the chocolate rabbits in their hands, the fight would begin anew. Yet something was off, he couldn’t his eyes off her human face, her eyes shone blue like the sky, her hair looked to be as fine as silk… why couldn’t he get his eyes off her?


“So.” Miko announced after patting her mouth with a napkin. “Shall we continue?” the goblin quickly shook his head, as if he was previously lost in thought, no doubt praying to his evil god for the strength to die honourably. The goblin slowly stood, Miko found it hard not to notice how well his red cloak matched with his black armour, and how his strong eyes shone like the sun… Miko quickly blinked, shaking her head free of the evil thoughts. The goblin was obviously using some kind of silent charm to try to dull her mind, but she refused to fall for it.


The twp foes stood facing one another in the center of the room. They stared at one another, unnatural urges within them growing. Miko was the first to act, she hunched down, extending her arms in a classic example of martial arts. Redcloak frowned and copied her stance, he had always depended on magic and other goblins to do the fighting for him, he hoped he would be ok. Miko let out a yell, and began to charge, again Redcloak mimicked her. And before either of them knew it, they were on the floor. Not throwing punches or kicks as they had expected, but rather passionately kissing and embracing. Any thoughts they may have had against their acts were quickly clouded over by seemingly undying love for one another. There was no sapphire city, their was no plan. There was only the two of them here, and now.




Meanwhile, a lone skeletal figure laughed hysterically as he observed the scene from a throne behind a one-way mirror. His laugher only stopping briefly as he tossed handfuls of popcorn into his mouth. A second figure shrouded in darkness approached from behind him.

“Xylon?” the shadowed creature asked. “What’s so funny?” Xylon laughed again as he pointed towards the glass separating him from the two disrobing figures on the other side. “awww you got those two together!? That’s so sweeet!”. Xylon shook his head, wiping a nonexistent tear away from an empty eye socket. “I-I laced their chocolate rabbits... In love potion!” Xylon burst into laugher again as the creature in the darkness raised an eyebrow. “Well that doesn’t seem very nice,” the creature in the shadows said as he looked curiously at the two figures in the other room. “ohhh” Xylon answered between fits of laughter. “But this is just the beginning! Just wait until they wake up tomorrow and realize what they just did!” again the skeleton burst into laughter as he tossed another handful of popcorn into his mouth.

The creature in the shadows was silent for a moment, considering what the skeleton had just said. “…So why are you eating popcorn? You don’t have a stomach to eat with!” Xylon just shrugged as he threw another handful into his mouth, keeping his eyes on the pair in the other room. “Seemed like the appropriate thing to do… want some chocolate?”

“Oh goodie!” the creature yelled as it bit the ears off its own chocolate rabbit. “…I love you Xylon,” the creature said after successfully swallowing the rabbit’s entire head. Xylon paused and turned to the creature in the shadows for a moment before turning his attention back to the human and the goblin in the other room. “Yeah, I love you too ya freak”.

now lets see... this one entry is 1500 words long... so yeah... even if i dont win, im gunna need to skip the next two squickies due to it being so long ... assumeing it even gets accepted of corse.


also: i absolutely hate the last bit, but i cant think of any way to make it better, and im tired of this dang thing haunting me. im done! >.<

Your story is really good; with a good beta, it would be perfect. Now I want to do some Redcloak/Miko myself... No, no, finish your one story before you start another.

[Draconi Redfir]

so what? Xylon's japaneese now? we allready have monster-san, so whats next? Red-kun? Tuski-chan? :P


Xylon sounds better anyways...




and what the heck is a beta? XD

[Lix Lorn]

Tsuki-chan is awesome, Xylon is the (differently spelt) name of the villains from Battlestar Galactica, and a Beta is someone who reads your stories before you post them to check for spelling/grammar/plot mistakes.

[Draconi Redfir]

ahh ok, gotcha.


Xylon is still tons better then Xykon though

[Taekwondodo]

edit: and dodo:... since when were you a girl? o.0

Since I was born...

EDIT: Actually, pretty much since conception, although there was a point before that when it could have gone either way!

[licoot]

Also, if anyone wants to draw me a banner or avatar based on the end result of the story, I'd be deeply grateful.

I just couldn't resist doing this, i've made a basic drago-camel and i'll finish it later...

so behold the beast...

..THE DRAGO-CAMEL!!!!

[Zanaril]

..THE DRAGO-CAMEL!!!!

<_<

>_>

D'awwww!