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Thread: Bad poetry
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2017-11-04, 07:45 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Jan 2007
- Gender
Re: Bad poetry
I'd post some of the stuff I wrote age 14 or so, but... I don't think the thread could take poetry that bad.
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Avatar by Rain Dragon
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2017-11-05, 01:27 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Oct 2008
- Location
- Bottom of a well
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2017-11-05, 08:03 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Nov 2009
- Gender
Re: Bad poetry
Sometimes when I scream
People stare and cross the street
Guys, take a chill pillOriginally Posted by J.R.R. Tolkien, 1955
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2017-11-05, 09:03 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Dec 2015
- Location
- San Francisco Bay area
- Gender
Re: Bad poetry
As my mind slips away
and my guts turn to clay
I'm consoled by
also hates sports
Burma Shave
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2017-11-05, 10:48 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Nov 2009
- Gender
Re: Bad poetry
Many things exist
Others never came to be
Objective critiqueOriginally Posted by J.R.R. Tolkien, 1955
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2017-11-06, 05:32 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Jul 2011
Re: Bad poetry
Swamp in the heather. Summon the grapefruit cavalry.
I use braces (also known as "curly brackets") to indicate sarcasm. If there are none present, I probably believe what I am saying; should it turn out to be inaccurate trivia, please tell me rather than trying to play along with an apparent joke I don't know I'm making.
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2017-11-14, 06:50 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Dec 2015
- Location
- An igloo near you
- Gender
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2017-12-31, 08:59 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Nov 2009
- Gender
Re: Bad poetry
Roses are red
Candles drip wax
Man trades baby
For fifteen Big Macs
(not mine BTW)Originally Posted by J.R.R. Tolkien, 1955
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2018-01-22, 10:49 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Sep 2011
Re: Bad poetry
System mastery is overrated
when creative failures leave you frustrated
Seventeen levels I couldn't fill
with story enough to fit the bill
I tried to plow
but that's fallow now
The character is dead
inside of my head
It plays with the ghosts
I already host
And so I await
new play-by-post bait
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2018-01-22, 03:28 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Oct 2010
- Gender
Re: Bad poetry
This line
Does not rhyme
I
Love
Me self referential
Poet
I
We use irony
To mean serendipity
Because ironic
Is easier then serendipitousLast edited by Tvtyrant; 2018-01-22 at 03:36 PM.
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2018-01-23, 04:38 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Feb 2011
Re: Bad poetry
Here's one I submitted for a university assignment.
I.
I am.
I am writing.
I am writing a poem.
So far,
It isn't going very well.WINNER! Villainous Competition XXXII: Selene, Bride of Ruin
Silver Medallist Villainous Competition XXVI: Faras Alnahr, Dark Scion of the Hippo God
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2018-01-23, 05:01 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Nov 2009
- Gender
Re: Bad poetry
My eyeball sobs
For my head throbs
To forget my headache
I'll eat a cheesecake.Last edited by Vinyadan; 2018-01-23 at 05:02 AM.
Originally Posted by J.R.R. Tolkien, 1955
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2018-01-23, 11:35 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Dec 2015
- Location
- An igloo near you
- Gender
Re: Bad poetry
My completely awesome avatar (I call her Quill) has been generously crafted by the esteemed Honest Tiefling!
GENERATION 21: The first time you see this, copy it into your sig and add 1 to the generation. social experiment.
DEGENERATION 87: Copy this into your sig and subtract 1 from the degeneration when you first see it. This is an antisocial experiment.
Gosh, 2D8HP, you are so very correct (and also good-looking) and your humility is stunning.
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2018-01-25, 02:25 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Dec 2015
- Location
- San Francisco Bay area
- Gender
Re: Bad poetry
Gandalf battles Nazi's on the Death Star
film at eleven
By Crom's rotting liver
I hated High School
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2018-02-02, 02:42 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Mar 2007
- Location
- Grognardia
- Gender
Re: Bad poetry
That's actually not bad. I'd change the last line to "It's not going well" to make it shorter. It's funnier if it reads quicker.
ANYWAY.
I'd love to post some of my early-teen WHAT IF THE CEILING IS JUST, LIKE, SOMEONE ELSE'S FLOOR, MAN, poetry, but alas, it's all lost to the ravages of a thieving ex. I can still remember the very first poem I ever wrote, but it's actually quite good. The next few dozen, which I can't recall, were really, really not.
And so I bring you the following:
*AHEM*
Frozen pond.
Stupid frog.
Splat.
*BOWS*(Avatar by Cuthalion, who is great.)
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2018-02-06, 08:58 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Nov 2009
- Gender
Re: Bad poetry
Discerning danger roaming highways unknown
Misfiring, and pathetic slothful goons
Upgraded empowered sharpened spoons
Inflict precise passé esprit alone.Originally Posted by J.R.R. Tolkien, 1955
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2018-02-06, 10:26 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Dec 2010
- Gender
Re: Bad poetry
When I was in junior high or so, I read this Dilbert comic strip, and was inspired to expand it into a full-length poem that took up about eight or nine pages in a pocket-sized notebook. Sadly, that notebook is long lost to the ravages of time.
Then in the mid-2000s when I was a recent college grad with no idea of what career I wanted to pursue, and was still working my crummy seasonal job at the Follett warehouse, we had an evening where we went on "exception time" (meaning the sorting machine broke down so we stopped working and sat there waiting for it to be fixed). I was incredibly bored and began writing a bunch of haiku which I later posted on my MySpace page. Unfortunately, I didn't think to copy them somewhere before I deleted said MySpace page, so they're gone now.
The most memorable of them went something like this:
Giant metal fan
Spinning slowly up above
But I am still hot
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2018-02-07, 09:47 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Sep 2011
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2018-02-07, 12:26 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Jan 2016
Re: Bad poetry
Fart Fart Fart Fart Fart
Fart Fart Fart Fart Fart Fart Fart
Fart Fart Fart Fart Fart
It's a haiku.
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2018-02-07, 12:27 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Mar 2010
- Location
- Gridania, Eorzea
- Gender
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2018-02-07, 02:40 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Dec 2009
- Location
- Birmingham, AL
- Gender
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2018-02-07, 02:52 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Mar 2010
- Location
- Gridania, Eorzea
- Gender
Re: Bad poetry
Burma-Shave used to (1920s-1960s) have road-sign poems on multiple signs in a row, each sign being a line in the poem, and ended each poem with Burma-Shave. Once I found out about this, I throw it into the end of my poems anytime I can as a lark
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2018-02-07, 06:19 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Nov 2009
- Gender
Re: Bad poetry
Embarrass rises seeing English rhymes
observe iambic rhythm, forgetting how
Germanic accents first-syllabic plough:
Inversion be applied profuse, sublime.Originally Posted by J.R.R. Tolkien, 1955
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2018-02-08, 12:41 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Oct 2010
- Location
- Dallas, TX
- Gender
Re: Bad poetry
My favorite bad doggerel that I
wrotecomposed* is the "Culture Medley".
Spoiler: Spoilered for length
A bunch of the boys were whoopin’ it up in the Malamute saloon.
The kid that handles the music box was hittin’ a jag-time tune.
Back of the bar, in a solo game, was Dangerous Dan McGrew,
While the vessel with the pestle held the brew that was true.
Beware the Jabberwock, my son, it falls on field and tree;
And there sat Captain Washington, to teach it harmony.
Old Macdonald had a farm, in Imladris it dwells.
He played knick-knack on my arm – it’s baked by little elves.
Clap your hands if you believe, wi’ the auld moon in her arms,
With Jerry Mathers as the Beaver – he’s got Lucky Charms.
One ring to rule them all, from sea to shining sea.
It’s a small world, after all, that’s made for you and me.
Timid and shy and scared am I, of things beyond my ken;
As dry leaves before a hurricane fly, the South shall rise again!
Pride goeth before a fall; the whole world loves a winner.
Mr. Gorbachev, tear down this wall; Ich bien ein Berliner.
No new taxes, read my lips, I do not choose to run
The face that launched a thousand ships. God bless us, every one.
Happy days are here again; can you spare a dime?
We’re looking for a few good men, and now, it’s Miller time.
Ninety-nine bottles of beer on the wall, in a kinder, gentler nation.
It’s a clear call and a wild call, for station identification.
Give the gift that keeps on giving, sealed with a kiss.
Better thing for better living – can your beer do this?
What’s up, Doc? Look on my works, ye mighty, and despair.
That’s no one’s business but the Turks, with tender loving care.
Gil-Galad was an elven king, who had a very shiny nose,
Thine alabaster cities gleam, and this is how it goes.
O, wherefore art thou, Romeo, in a yellow submarine?
Whose woods these are I think I know – watch out for that tree!
Do you like green eggs and ham, wrapped up in a five-pound note?
I yam what I yam, and that’s all that I am – follow the yellow brick road.
Go ahead, make my day, and with the girls be handy.
In summer, quite the other way – would you like some candy?
Be all you can; I love you, man. God shed his grace on thee.
Hakuna heigh-ho fragilistic bibbidy chim cheree!
Little Jack Horner sat in a corner, to talk of many things.
He’s strong to the finich, ‘cause he eats his spinach, and we must tell the king.
The mate was a mighty sailin’ man, with a banjo on his knee.
He took his vorpal blade in hand, and never used a big, big D.
Casey stood a-watching it, in haughty grandeur there,
That’s because he’s smarter than the average bear.
But I am a Bear of Little Brain, and long words Bother me.
Oh, frabjous day! Calloo! Callay! To be or not to be.
Let the joyous news be spread – to grandmother’s house we go.
Shoot, if you must, this old grey head, but remember the Alamo!
Who is the tall, dark stranger there, that saved a wretch like me?
They threatened his life with a railway share, for the snark was a boojum, you see.
It came upon a midnight clear, where no one’s gone before,
Frankly, my dear, I don’t think we’re in Kansas any more.
Oh, somewhere in this fabled land, the sun is shining bright,
A band is playing somewhere, and somewhere hearts are light.
And somewhere men are laughing, and somewhere children shout –
Vorpal fu, no breasts, two stars. Joe Bob says “Check it out!
*It's all my own creation, but I did not write a single line of it.
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2018-02-08, 03:03 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Oct 2012
- Location
- In the Playground, duh.
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2018-02-08, 05:56 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Nov 2009
- Gender
Re: Bad poetry
Originally Posted by J.R.R. Tolkien, 1955
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2018-03-01, 02:54 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Dec 2015
- Location
- San Francisco Bay area
- Gender
Re: Grwat poetry by the stunningly humble!
I must assume that when I posted a poem of staggering awesomicity, folks in the Playground were too in awe to reply, and knowing of my stunning humility, they did not want to intrude.
But in case fans of truly great poetry didn't read that thread, it would be wrong to hold back from more eyes the composition:
On a sporting occasion someone of ocular persuasion
said in conversation
how I hate this all this row
what care I which way the ball will go
I plan a game much more thorough
spin and spin around I go
on one side a cup of poison
on the other side water
a blindfold so which I will not know
I care not what I will lose
I care not what I will gain
for I am sure I'll feel no more pain
existence has my disdain
let us see if I another breath
for
Also, I don't fear death!
Also, I hate sports.
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2018-03-01, 03:36 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Feb 2017
Re: Bad poetry
Should I be charging you commissions to serve as your muse?
Last edited by The Eye; 2018-03-01 at 03:36 PM.
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2018-03-01, 03:40 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Dec 2009
- Location
- Birmingham, AL
- Gender
Re: Bad poetry
Last edited by Peelee; 2018-03-01 at 03:41 PM.
Cuthalion's art is the prettiest art of all the art. Like my avatar.
Number of times Roland St. Jude has sworn revenge upon me: 2
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2018-03-01, 03:51 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Dec 2015
- Location
- San Francisco Bay area
- Gender
Re: Bad poetry
O for a Muse of sight, that would ascend
The brightest heaven of invention,
A kingdom for an Eye...
No.
Absolutely not.
No way.
Yes
Say... you're a man of the world, squire.
I mean, you've been around a bit, you know, like, you've, uh...
...what's it like? Also, I hate sports, and that pizza deal was no deal.