Crack Pairings VI - We've Finally Stooped to Shipping Ourselves

[Water-Smurf]

Just wait until he finds out about the ears!

I can only imagine that!

Crim: Brother... I think I've been molesting my girlfriend in the middle of class for the past three weeks.
Patch: ...Okay, this I got to hear.

Double date!

*bunnies multiply to the dozens*

...Goddamn it.

[Meg]

*bunnies multiply to the dozens*

...Goddamn it.

Hooray!!! Haley and Right-Eye would be a pretty cute couple, in my opinion.

[Kyronea]

What's so odd about it?

Dragons are hot, in more ways than one.
Also, half-dragons

Um, the fact that you're fetishizing a non-humanoid fictional creature? Granted, I'm not judging you on that, but it is odd, in the sense that it is not a typical fetish.

But the thing is, Closak, we get it. You like dragons. You really don't need to post about it every two ruddy seconds. It's really, in my opinion, clogging up the thread to see you constantly post the same thing over and over. Please don't mistake this as me insulting you or anything, because I'm not trying to. I'm just saying that you're going overboard.

[CoffeeIncluded]

*bunnies multiply to the dozens*

...Goddamn it.

*Looks at pit of bunnies*

...Uhm...

[Yiuel]

I want MikoXSangwang. Sugesting useing this pic.

Enjoy.

And I hope I prove everybody wrong that something like that couldn't be done with all seriousness.

Spoiler

Show

"How could I... She's a very beautiful women, isn't she? But she doesn't know it. And she doesn't know much about how I look either. My beloved Saangwang..."

Miko was lying on her bed. She had just come back from a long expedition to a faraway eastern kingdom, and was really tired, especially after her debriefing to her liege lord. Well, to His cat, really. But what do you expect from an old senile. He wasn't Evil, but he sure was senile. But in her room, Miko was forgetting about Shojo and she was thinking about her favorite.

--

"Miko went back to her room. She must be really tired. Today's not the day, but tommorow will be."

Saangwang was enjoying her meal, after divining a little for her lord. It wasn't that much tiring, but she always wished there was someone else with her talent around, so they could divide the whole job. Not that she didn't like her life : being blind, she barely could do anything else, and doing her job for her lord gave her a fairly generous stipend. But she missed most social contacts girls of her age have.

She knew very well Miko's feeling towards her. At first, she was afraid, because she also knew Miko had great physical prowess, and she also could force her to do many things. But with time, she learned a lot more about her, and she knew Miko would never push her beyond her limits. She might be a little too adamant about laws, she still will try to not break them, at any cost. And one of the laws was to not force people to make out. Saangwang was therefore safe.

But today, she knew that Miko would be ready. Well, at least, she knew that tommorow would be the day. So everything was planned. She also knew that Miko would wonder about many things, especially on how... well, they would feel each other. Obviously, Miko wondered at how Saangwang could be in love, could feel beauty, without the eyes. So the seer devised a great plan to show Miko that she was both wrong and right.

--

"The sun is shining bright today, it feels like a great day. I wonder what I will have to do now. Perhaps another long journey to some faraway land, far from my girl."

Miko was still leaning at her room's window when someone knocked at her door. It was a servant, she was asked to the throne room. She would obviously travel again today.

"Miko, my cat said that he had great need," translated Shojo, "but he also said that someone has more need of you that he today."
"Who would be that someone who needs me more than my liege lord, er, rather his cat."
"She is standing right there. Saangwang!"

Miko had some kind of reaction. Why would she, of all people, need her more than Shojo or the guard?

"Miko, I am in great need. And... well, you are the only one that can answer this urgent need."
"Am I, really?"
"You certainly are. I have guessed it already that you are the one I need, after all."

Miko was blushing. What was it that she needed so much. From Miko, especially.

"And what I need foremost is that you come to my room. About half an hour after sunset. Will you come?"
"I will serve you as best as I can."
"And this is what I expect from you, and no less, Paladin."

--

"She will be coming in a moment. She was so strange in her mind. She couldn't decide what feeling she should be having of coming to my room."

Saangwang had everything ready. She had gone to the castle's kitchens, and bought all the chocolate available. She was now making it melt on the fire, as it was almost time. The room was getting hot, but it also smelled much like chocolate; really tasty.

Then, someone knocked at the door. It was her servant, and he said that Miko was waiting to come in. "Well, let her enter, and you can leave, I will not need your assistance tonight.", replied the seer.

Miko arrived at the door. She smelled the fragrance.

"It smells like chocolate here.", wondered Miko.
"I am melting some chocolate to eat. I am glad that you have come.", answered Saangwang.
"It is my pleasure. But what do you need of me?"

Saangwang closed her room's door, after checking if there were people nearby. As she didn't see anyone, she was glad, and the door now closed, she aimed her head intently at Miko.

"What do I need of you, do you ask? Do you remember the first day we met, Paladin."
"It was when I first came to this castle, after my time at the monks' temple."
"Well, I became scared of you, that day. A lot. But I showed no emotion."
"You were scared?"
"I was. Your mind was scary."
"My mind?"

Miko was puzzled. What did she know about what was in her mind.

"Yes, your mind. But no, don't think that you did something wrong, on the contrary, your thoughts were actually beautiful. I guess many things, including what you may hide in your heart, dear Miko."

Miko was more puzzled than ever.

"What do I hide in my heart?"
"Many things, but I did not seek out all of your secrets, as your mind is yours, and I did not want to spy on you. But I couldn't help myself, and I spied some little details. Because, well, the first time we met, you looked at me, and you loved me, and I felt it really hard in my mind."
"Is that why you were afraid?"
"I was afraid you would crush me to have my love, but I learned that you would never do that. So quickly, I was no more afraid. But Shojo kept sending you on missions, and then his cat did the same. So I couldn't speak to you more than what was needed. But today, I requested your help, because I really need you, Miko. And this is why you are standing here."
"And what is it?"
"I need to show you the love I have for you."

Miko's head turned deep red. Saangwang couldn't see it, but she felt in her mind how strong the emotion was. Miko somewhat panicked, but Saangwang came to her and took her two hands in hers.

"Do not be afraid, you don't have to. What I need of you, is simply, your love. Don't you love me, have I not been deceived by your strong feelings?"
"You have not. I kept on wondering if I could ever tell you it."
"I know. And you also wondered how I could ever love you and, especially, feel your beauty."
"You know that as well?"
"I couldn't help. But that's as much as I have let myself know of your feelings. I want you to tell me what's left. But for now, since you have provided me with your love, it is time for me to show you how I can feel beauty."

Saangwang then brought her beloved paladin towards the pot of hot melted chocolate.

"Miko, tell me, do you like chocolate?"
"I certainly do not hate its taste. It mixes many fragrances together. And it tastes very good in your mouth."
"I am relieved, because this is something I wanted to leave as a surprise for me to learn more about you. So this chocolate, my dear, will be how I will show you."

*cue picture*

[CoffeeIncluded]

Got...Physics...Midterm grade.....................................

Fffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffff--

[Raging Gene Ray]

Fffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffff--

Please, tell me that's an expletive in the making and not the actual grade...

[CoffeeIncluded]

Please, tell me that's an expletive in the making and not the actual grade...

Expletive....

*Collapses*

Uggghhhhhhhh.....

[Yiuel]

Got...Physics...Midterm grade.....................................

Fffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffff--

Something wrong?

[CoffeeIncluded]

Something wrong?

Gee, you think?

God there's another test Tuesday.........

[Yiuel]

Gee, you think?

God there's another test Tuesday.........

Well, it came out right after my crackpairing, so I thought I might have caused your big F.

[Aaron]

Expletive....

*Collapses*

Uggghhhhhhhh.....

*rushes over*

*casts healing spells to make Coffee breath again*

[EvilRoeSlade]

And one of the laws was to force people to make out.

Azure city has some awfully funny laws.

Anyway while I contemplate on who to pair Lien with, I rolled again.

Giant Devil/Zombie army
Genre shift

Spoiler

Show

Two-thousand years in the future, the Midwestern town of Critical City had been decimated by an outbreak of a radical mutant zombie flesh virus.

"Damnit!" A steel-jawed, muscular hero cried as he gunned down zombies before finally retreating into the safety of an underground bunker. "Our town's uncanny ability to score critical hits is useless against the horde!"

"We only have one option," said a skinny scientist, mist rising from a futuristic looking suitcase as he opened it and gave the hero a gun. "Use this! Shoot the gigantic statue of a devil that has always been in the center of our town, it's our only hope!"

The hero was perplexed. "What the hell will that do?"

The scientist could not answer, since he was no longer relevant to the plot and had thus been eaten by a hitherto unseen zombie which popped up from behind an overturned table in the lab.

"Well, at least I won't have to do an escort mission." The hero gunned down the hitherto unseen zombie and rushed out to perform the brave scientists last request. Fighting his way to the statue, he shot it with the strange ray gun, thus dispelling the demon's long curse.

The demon began weeping. "So I got cursed and THEN turned to stone for two-thousand years?" One of the zombies walked up to him. "Don't cry," the zombie said sympathetically. "After all the duration of the crushing despair spell has worn off long ago."

"Oh," said the demon, wiping away his tears. "You're too kind."

"Unfortunately," said the zombie with an evil grin. "The duration of Bestow Curse is permanent." The zombie then bit him in the ankle, and despite the demon's undoubtedly tremendous fortitude save, he could not resist being turned into a zombie.

"Welcome brother," cried the zombies. They all swarmed the zombie demon and gave him big zombie hugs and kisses.

The town meanwhile was basically screwed.

[CoffeeIncluded]

So, did anyone else have their morning start with their mom smashing a picture of theirs, then cursing and screaming at them, then deliberately making pointed, passive-aggressive statements perfectly designed to crush the already-fragile spirit, and then say, "You're disowned" after I tried to act as if I wasn't affected?

And then demand to use my computer later today?

Isn't my family just wonderful?

[Closak]

Sounds like a female version of my father.
Maybe a little bit of dear old grandma too (Sarcasm on the dear part, she's friggin nuts, schizophrenia or however you spell it)

In other words, a real evil bitch.

I genuinely feel sorry for you Coffee, i know what it's like when your parents are bonkers...Well, in my case it's just my father that's bonkers, my mother can at least be reasoned with (Provided you have a bit of patience)


Hmm...I have a couple of ideas...

In other news: I probably be missing for a few days, probably won't see me again until monday or late sunday.

[Sereg]

@Morithias I can understand the appeal of the pairing. They are attractive individuals after all. Also, I like the challenge of fulfilling requests. Therefore, although Yiuel has given us a Miko/Sangwaan fic, I may do another one.

@EvilRoeSlade That was hilarious. The comment and the fic.

@Yiuel Yeah, I assumed that that was a mistake. Otherwise I enjoyed your latest fic. I assume the picture was the one with the chocolate sauce as I can’t see it at the moment (stupid university computers).

@Coffee Ouch. Sorry about that. I know that family problems are difficult. You have our support

[ShinyDelusion]

I'm pretty sure I've PMed the Coffee x Elan fic to everyone who asked for it, but if you asked for it and haven't gotten it yet, let me know.

Very believable Tsukiko x Crypt Thing, Sereg.

Cool banner, half-halfling!

In regards to the speculation on Watersmurf's story: Right-Eye x Haley would be cute, but I was looking forward to some Right-Eye x Therkla action! (unless by some fluke I'm completely wrong about who Tusk is) Of course, Right-Eye could turn out to be a bit of a "playa", hm...

Right-Eye: Eunuch.

Redcloak: Slut.

Right-Eye: Fine. Be that way. I don't have to tell you what Red said Elf said about you...

Redcloak:

Cool answer to the challenge, Yiuel, though some of it read a little roughly; you might want to skim your work for confusing sentence structure and little punctation mistakes like using a period where you meant to use a question mark next time.

Haha! Nice job, EvilRoeSlade!

What Sereg said, Coffee; you have our support as always. And you can PM me if you need to talk.

In other news, in an uncharacteristic bout of optimism, I've decided that this snow day might just allow me to have Scruffy x half the cast of Cats ready for posting by late tonight or tomorrow!

And since you were sad, Monzach, here's another comment for your fic:

Sadly short, but I must admit I loved the ending. Maybe there could be a sequel written from the other half's point of view?

[Zanaril]

Hooray!!! Haley and Right-Eye would be a pretty cute couple, in my opinion.

I think that they'd at least both be up for it, even if it was just one date. They're both looking around for someone at the moment.

But having not read SOD, I don't know enough about Right-eye to tell whether of not they'd get along.

[CoffeeIncluded]

Hey Zanaril. Guess who got the day off?

[Zanaril]

Hey Zanaril. Guess who got the day off?

Well it wasn't me.

Since you're asking me to guess: you?

[CoffeeIncluded]

Me.

I almost wish I went to school today.

[Yiuel]

Cool answer to the challenge, Yiuel, though some of it read a little roughly; you might want to skim your work for confusing sentence structure and little punctation mistakes like using a period where you meant to use a question mark next time.

I did it way too quickly, and should have skim a little more through it before posting. And the obvious blunt about the law, I'll correct it.

(That's why I mostly did artwork until now. I'd be better at writing my CPs in French. But I can't, for obvious reasons.)

[Water-Smurf]

Hooray!!! Haley and Right-Eye would be a pretty cute couple, in my opinion.

Remember--nothing is for sure until it's posted.

*Looks at pit of bunnies*

...Uhm...

Wow, love really does conquer all!

Got...Physics...Midterm grade.....................................

Fffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffff--

Uh oh. What'd you get?

So, did anyone else have their morning start with their mom smashing a picture of theirs, then cursing and screaming at them, then deliberately making pointed, passive-aggressive statements perfectly designed to crush the already-fragile spirit, and then say, "You're disowned" after I tried to act as if I wasn't affected?

And then demand to use my computer later today?

Isn't my family just wonderful?

Wait, why did this happen?

In regards to the speculation on Watersmurf's story: Right-Eye x Haley would be cute, but I was looking forward to some Right-Eye x Therkla action! (unless by some fluke I'm completely wrong about who Tusk is) Of course, Right-Eye could turn out to be a bit of a "playa", hm...

Right-Eye: Eunuch.

Redcloak: Slut.

Right-Eye: Fine. Be that way. I don't have to tell you what Red said Elf said about you...

Redcloak:

Nothing's official unless I explicitly say so or it's posted. But how would Right-Eye and Therkla really be together? Therkla is emotionally immature for her age because her species severely cut her off from people her age, so wouldn't it feel a little like Right-Eye was a seventeen-year-old going out with a fourteen-year-old...?

I think that they'd at least both be up for it, even if it was just one date. They're both looking around for someone at the moment.

But having not read SOD, I don't know enough about Right-eye to tell whether of not they'd get along.

As a teenager, and without the usual goblin/human prejudice, they both seem like they'd get along great. Right-Eye, when he was young, was impulsive, enthusiastic, and solid in his convictions. And he's a rogue. Haley's slightly more pragmatic approach to things would balance him out the way Redcloak's pragmatism does. Of course, when he's old, he's in a happy marriage with three kids and he's mellowed out considerably, so it's doubtful that they would have had a relationship if they were actually their respective ages. (Actually, as an adult, he'd probably work better with Vaarsuvius if he weren't already married...)

But this doesn't mean that I'm pairing them together. I just like going on rants about how certain things would work out.

[CoffeeIncluded]

Uh oh. What'd you get?

I got a ****ing 79.

Wait, why did this happen?

I don't know!

Nothing's official unless I explicitly say so or it's posted. But how would Right-Eye and Therkla really be together? Therkla is emotionally immature for her age because her species severely cut her off from people her age, so wouldn't it feel a little like Right-Eye was a seventeen-year-old going out with a fourteen-year-old...?

Maybe. I don't know.

[Taekwondodo]

Giant Devil/Zombie army
Genre shift

Spoiler

Show

Story

*Laughs uncontrollably*

Really good! Especially loved this line

The town meanwhile was basically screwed.

And this one

The scientist could not answer, since he was no longer relevant to the plot and had thus been eaten by a hitherto unseen zombie which popped up from behind an overturned table in the lab.

And, well, basically the whole thing.

Had some ideas of my own. One just changes the characters from Futurama, episode "The Devil's Hands Are Idle Playthings" (the song "I Want My Hands Back") so not my own idea. The second one I have an idea but no characters as of yet. One question, when hold person is used I realise that that person cannot move at all but what if they are then hurt? Will the spell still be in place? And the person will be able to feel that pain?

Virtual hugs to Coffee *Hugs*

[ShinyDelusion]

Ooo, is Coffee having a snow day too?

Don't worry, Yiuel,with a little extra editting (and maybe a beta-reader for your longer works) I can tell you're quite good even if English isn't your best language.

Nothing's official unless I explicitly say so or it's posted. But how would Right-Eye and Therkla really be together? Therkla is emotionally immature for her age because her species severely cut her off from people her age, so wouldn't it feel a little like Right-Eye was a seventeen-year-old going out with a fourteen-year-old...?

I didn't consider this at first, but, if Therkla were to show attraction to Right-Eye, would Right-Eye wait long enough to figure this out about her before responding? Even if they are badly matched, if Therkla's up for it, I could see them having something of a relationship at least until Right-Eye realizes Therkla's not emotionally mature enough for him. But that's me.

I got a ****ing 79.

You're cussing at a 79? By Thor, Coffee, I was having a heart attack because I thought you were failing. That is 79%, yes, not 79 out of something like 500? (I'm not saying that you no longer have my sympathy by any means, just, you know, heart attack )

[CoffeeIncluded]

Ooo, is Coffee having a snow day too?

You're cussing at a 79? By Thor, Coffee, I was having a heart attack because I thought you were failing. That is 79%, yes, not 79 out of something like 500? (I'm not saying that you no longer have my sympathy by any means, just, you know, heart attack )

No, there's a superintendent meeting today.

Of course I am! That's a HORRIBLE grade!

[ShinyDelusion]

No, there's a superintendent meeting today.

Of course I am! That's a HORRIBLE grade!

Oh. Congratulations anyway.

On the scale of "HORRIBLE" I'd say F ranks "HORRIBLE", D ranks "Pretty frickin' bad", and C ranks "Mediocre". On top of that, I've often heard 79 referred to as "a very low B" (if a teacher happens to be big into rounding). Also, it's early in the semester (isn't it?). Is your class graded on a point-based system? How many points is the test?

Anyway,we should probably either change the subject here or move this to the PMs.

[CoffeeIncluded]

Oh. Congratulations anyway.

On the scale of "HORRIBLE" I'd say F ranks "HORRIBLE", D ranks "Pretty frickin' bad", and C ranks "Mediocre". On top of that, I've often heard 79 referred to as "a very low B" (if a teacher happens to be big into rounding). Also, it's early in the semester (isn't it?). Is your class graded on a point-based system? How many points is the test?

Anyway,we should probably either change the subject here or move this to the PMs.

No. On the CoffeeIncluded Grading Scale:

A: Good
B: Bad unless the class did poorly as a whole
C or less: Take Cover.

[The Odor]

Enjoy.

And I hope I prove everybody wrong that something like that couldn't be done with all seriousness.

Spoiler

Show

"How could I... She's a very beautiful women, isn't she? But she doesn't know it. And she doesn't know much about how I look either. My beloved Saangwang..."

Miko was lying on her bed. She had just come back from a long expedition to a faraway eastern kingdom, and was really tired, especially after her debriefing to her liege lord. Well, to His cat, really. But what do you expect from an old senile. He wasn't Evil, but he sure was senile. But in her room, Miko was forgetting about Shojo and she was thinking about her favorite.

--

"Miko went back to her room. She must be really tired. Today's not the day, but tommorow will be."

Saangwang was enjoying her meal, after divining a little for her lord. It wasn't that much tiring, but she always wished there was someone else with her talent around, so they could divide the whole job. Not that she didn't like her life : being blind, she barely could do anything else, and doing her job for her lord gave her a fairly generous stipend. But she missed most social contacts girls of her age have.

She knew very well Miko's feeling towards her. At first, she was afraid, because she also knew Miko had great physical prowess, and she also could force her to do many things. But with time, she learned a lot more about her, and she knew Miko would never push her beyond her limits. She might be a little too adamant about laws, she still will try to not break them, at any cost. And one of the laws was to not force people to make out. Saangwang was therefore safe.

But today, she knew that Miko would be ready. Well, at least, she knew that tommorow would be the day. So everything was planned. She also knew that Miko would wonder about many things, especially on how... well, they would feel each other. Obviously, Miko wondered at how Saangwang could be in love, could feel beauty, without the eyes. So the seer devised a great plan to show Miko that she was both wrong and right.

--

"The sun is shining bright today, it feels like a great day. I wonder what I will have to do now. Perhaps another long journey to some faraway land, far from my girl."

Miko was still leaning at her room's window when someone knocked at her door. It was a servant, she was asked to the throne room. She would obviously travel again today.

"Miko, my cat said that he had great need," translated Shojo, "but he also said that someone has more need of you that he today."
"Who would be that someone who needs me more than my liege lord, er, rather his cat."
"She is standing right there. Saangwang!"

Miko had some kind of reaction. Why would she, of all people, need her more than Shojo or the guard?

"Miko, I am in great need. And... well, you are the only one that can answer this urgent need."
"Am I, really?"
"You certainly are. I have guessed it already that you are the one I need, after all."

Miko was blushing. What was it that she needed so much. From Miko, especially.

"And what I need foremost is that you come to my room. About half an hour after sunset. Will you come?"
"I will serve you as best as I can."
"And this is what I expect from you, and no less, Paladin."

--

"She will be coming in a moment. She was so strange in her mind. She couldn't decide what feeling she should be having of coming to my room."

Saangwang had everything ready. She had gone to the castle's kitchens, and bought all the chocolate available. She was now making it melt on the fire, as it was almost time. The room was getting hot, but it also smelled much like chocolate; really tasty.

Then, someone knocked at the door. It was her servant, and he said that Miko was waiting to come in. "Well, let her enter, and you can leave, I will not need your assistance tonight.", replied the seer.

Miko arrived at the door. She smelled the fragrance.

"It smells like chocolate here.", wondered Miko.
"I am melting some chocolate to eat. I am glad that you have come.", answered Saangwang.
"It is my pleasure. But what do you need of me?"

Saangwang closed her room's door, after checking if there were people nearby. As she didn't see anyone, she was glad, and the door now closed, she aimed her head intently at Miko.

"What do I need of you, do you ask? Do you remember the first day we met, Paladin."
"It was when I first came to this castle, after my time at the monks' temple."
"Well, I became scared of you, that day. A lot. But I showed no emotion."
"You were scared?"
"I was. Your mind was scary."
"My mind?"

Miko was puzzled. What did she know about what was in her mind.

"Yes, your mind. But no, don't think that you did something wrong, on the contrary, your thoughts were actually beautiful. I guess many things, including what you may hide in your heart, dear Miko."

Miko was more puzzled than ever.

"What do I hide in my heart?"
"Many things, but I did not seek out all of your secrets, as your mind is yours, and I did not want to spy on you. But I couldn't help myself, and I spied some little details. Because, well, the first time we met, you looked at me, and you loved me, and I felt it really hard in my mind."
"Is that why you were afraid?"
"I was afraid you would crush me to have my love, but I learned that you would never do that. So quickly, I was no more afraid. But Shojo kept sending you on missions, and then his cat did the same. So I couldn't speak to you more than what was needed. But today, I requested your help, because I really need you, Miko. And this is why you are standing here."
"And what is it?"
"I need to show you the love I have for you."

Miko's head turned deep red. Saangwang couldn't see it, but she felt in her mind how strong the emotion was. Miko somewhat panicked, but Saangwang came to her and took her two hands in hers.

"Do not be afraid, you don't have to. What I need of you, is simply, your love. Don't you love me, have I not been deceived by your strong feelings?"
"You have not. I kept on wondering if I could ever tell you it."
"I know. And you also wondered how I could ever love you and, especially, feel your beauty."
"You know that as well?"
"I couldn't help. But that's as much as I have let myself know of your feelings. I want you to tell me what's left. But for now, since you have provided me with your love, it is time for me to show you how I can feel beauty."

Saangwang then brought her beloved paladin towards the pot of hot melted chocolate.

"Miko, tell me, do you like chocolate?"
"I certainly do not hate its taste. It mixes many fragrances together. And it tastes very good in your mouth."
"I am relieved, because this is something I wanted to leave as a surprise for me to learn more about you. So this chocolate, my dear, will be how I will show you."

*cue picture*

Wow. I mean wow. I honestly didn't think anyone could pull it off with so much style.

Coffee: Ouch.