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  1. - Top - End - #811
    Ogre in the Playground
     
    Dark Faun's Avatar

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings 3 - 50% More Squick

    I guess I just don't like Belkar. He's the only character that made me groan in the entire comic too; that is, groan when he was trying (and supposed) to be funny. I just don't like stories about him. A little like O-Chul, although in his case, one more comic with him would have caused me to ditch OotS once and for all.

    For the record, I don't see Belkar as a potential rapist. I never did. But in your fanfiction, Kaytara, Belkar came off, to me, as someone who would, if nibbling on her ear, kissing her and groping her didn't make V react the way he wanted, actually rape or try to rape her to get the loathing he desired so much. And have no shred whatsoever of remorse while and after doing it.

    Quote Originally Posted by Aaron View Post
    Don't feel too bad. Your banners are still really funny (and/or squicky) to me.
    Thanks. :D Reading Kaytara's, or Water-Smurf's, or Cracklord's, or esmerelder's, or anyone's fanfictions still depress me to the highest degree because they're so much better than I can ever hope to be, so I think I won't be reading stories for a long time.

    Quote Originally Posted by Raging Gene Ray View Post
    I quoted this and put it in the House of Fanservice in Arts and Crafts. Hope that's okay with you, Discordian.
    I don't mind. I, however, am perfectly aware nobody will comment on them, ever.

    Oh, really? I think you should make another femslash banner. And wear a goofy hat everywhere you go and talk with a fake German accent.
    I can't for the life of me mimic Durkon's accent (which is why I'll never write him talking, or Khelgar from Neverwinter Nights 2 for that matter), so that won't work.

    I wouldn't mind making another femslash banner, but I try to be original with each of them and I've run out of poses to trace.
    Formerly known as Discord here and Maladin on avatarspirit.net.

  2. - Top - End - #812
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    Cracklord's Avatar

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings 3 - 50% More Squick

    Quote Originally Posted by Discord View Post
    I can't for the life of me mimic Durkon's accent (which is why I'll never write him talking, or Khelgar from Neverwinter Nights 2 for that matter), so that won't work.
    Nobody can. I exaggerate it so much he's totally incomprehensible, and everyone else doesn't even bother.

    I see Belkar as chronically insecure, so I wouldn't bat an eyelid if he was (actually, I would be horrified, but it would be consistent with the way I see the character).

    Trying to continue Girard's gate. Funnily enough, I'm currently having a hell of a lot of trouble trying to write Roy/Celia. Who knew.
    Nadir We,
    Youth Born,
    Blood Letters,
    Axe Weilders,
    Victors Still.

  3. - Top - End - #813
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    Dark Faun's Avatar

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings 3 - 50% More Squick

    Well, Roy x Celia is sort of... tame. It just happened. With a few "heh, we totally had sex here!" scenes which left me totally indifferent at best.

    I think that Scottish dwarves only happen in English. Other nations must have it easier.
    Formerly known as Discord here and Maladin on avatarspirit.net.

  4. - Top - End - #814
    Ogre in the Playground
     
    Kaytara's Avatar

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings 3 - 50% More Squick

    Quote Originally Posted by Discord View Post
    I think that Scottish dwarves only happen in English. Other nations must have it easier.
    We do, but I'm not sure how that's a good thing. It's kind of depressing to watch a Russian version of something and have pirates, dwarves and noblemen all sound practically the same. Just makes me glad I'm multilingual. :D
    *Above post: Additional terms and restrictions may apply.
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  5. - Top - End - #815
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    Default Re: Crack Pairings 3 - 50% More Squick

    Water-Smurf, that was amazing.

    Another brilliant story for me to fawn over, and a Tom Lehrer song I hadn't heard yet.

    Quote Originally Posted by Water-Smurf View Post
    “My big brother tried to pin me down and strangle me with the necklace my mom hanged herself with—the elf mom—and is still trying to hunt me down to murder me to this very day if he hasn’t just finally croaked.” Belkar frowned thoughtfully. “If he’s still alive, then he should be dropping by at some point before the end of the year to try to kill me again. If a crazy halfling carrying around a silver necklace with a heart on it comes by, you’ll know why he’s here.”
    You know, I had to go back and make sure I hadn't imagined that.


    Quote Originally Posted by Discord View Post
    Thanks. :D Reading Kaytara's, or Water-Smurf's, or Cracklord's, or esmerelder's, or anyone's fanfictions still depress me to the highest degree because they're so much better than I can ever hope to be, so I think I won't be reading stories for a long time.
    I lose the will to write for a while.
    Last edited by Zanaril; 2009-11-15 at 06:34 AM.
    This post may contain sarcasm.
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  6. - Top - End - #816
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    Default Re: Crack Pairings 3 - 50% More Squick

    Quote Originally Posted by Zanaril View Post
    I lose the will to write for a while.
    I like your stuff.
    Nadir We,
    Youth Born,
    Blood Letters,
    Axe Weilders,
    Victors Still.

  7. - Top - End - #817
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    Quote Originally Posted by Zanaril View Post
    I lose the will to write for a while.
    Because I've sworn off fanfictions or because I've forgotten to include you? About the latter, I'm currently making banners, so you register more as a banner maker than as a writer at the moment.
    Formerly known as Discord here and Maladin on avatarspirit.net.

  8. - Top - End - #818
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    Default Re: Crack Pairings 3 - 50% More Squick

    Quote Originally Posted by Discord View Post
    Because I've sworn off fanfictions or because I've forgotten to include you? About the latter, I'm currently making banners, so you register more as a banner maker than as a writer at the moment.
    Because reading fanfic by the authors you mentioned make me feel small and insignificant too.

    But now you mention it, also because I was enjoying your Unlife of V story.

    Quote Originally Posted by Cracklord View Post
    I like your stuff.
    Last edited by Zanaril; 2009-11-15 at 09:21 AM.
    This post may contain sarcasm.
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  9. - Top - End - #819
    Orc in the Playground
     
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    Default Re: Crack Pairings 3 - 50% More Squick

    Quote Originally Posted by Kaytara View Post
    Speaking of Tom Lehrer, I'd also recommend his song The Masochism Tango. It runs in the same vein as Hold My Hand. XD
    Musn't forget The Irish Ballad. It is pretty much the same as Masochism Tango and Hold My Hand, except for families instead of lovers.

    ...And that is how I met your father.

  10. - Top - End - #820
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kaytara View Post
    Though you do slip up on minor canon DnD details now and then, such as in-comic V not being anywhere near high-level enough to cast Meteor Swarm...
    Huh. Of course it's the one thing I didn't research. Let's chalk it up to V having another random soul splice off-screen!

    Quote Originally Posted by Zanaril View Post
    You know, I had to go back and make sure I hadn't imagined that.
    You'll notice that I make nods to that. :) It's my personal fanon. I was thinking about Belkar's mysterious past and, well...

    Anyway, I'm writing out another spawnfic, this one shaping up to be longer than the last one. (By the way, the last one is called Tragedy of Hypnos, and this one is called Pasithea's Messenger. They're collectively known as Phantasos' Game for now.)

    I'm not sure how happy I am with this, but I can't find something to change after reading through it a couple times, so I'll leave you guys to figure on the quality. Enjoy!

    Spoiler
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    Tiasal stretched, sitting down on the shore of a lake she found in the forest edging her field. Her legs dangled lazily in the water, her black pants hiked up to her knees and her shirt thrown carelessly to the side. It was a warm day and she disliked wearing clothes at all in her wide-open and empty home. When she was younger, she had run around without any clothes at all. (A gentle lecture from Aarindarius along with a horrible case of poison ivy in an awkward place took care of that quickly.) But, even then, she could really only be convinced to keep her undergarments on, and maybe her pants if she doesn’t feel like getting that ‘raised eyebrow’ look from Aarindarius, Haley, or any of the rest of her family (minus Elan, of course. Half the time, he was running around naked too, only he shouted something about invisibility. Tiasal never really understood that).

    Tiasal let out a happy whoop, sprinting towards a pond and diving in, coming up to make a big splash in a mere moment. The water and various creatures within it brushed against her bare skin, and she couldn’t help but savor the feeling.

    She laughed and climbed out of the water again, loving the feel of sunlight on her completely naked body, and she ran back a few feet, turning to run and jump again.

    Roy and Belkar both leaned on a tree and watched, each with one eyebrow raised.

    “Well, at least we know for sure what her sex is,” Belkar muttered. “The jury’s still out on Aarindarius, and even after the whole ‘giving birth’ thing, I’m still wondering about the elf. And the elf’s ex-wife-or-husband. And the elf’s other kids.”

    “Belkar, let it go.” The girl jumped into the water again, making as big a splash she could. “You know, we should probably make her put some clothes on before she catches a cold or something.”

    Belkar shrugged, holding up his hands. “Hey, I’m only here because Haley told me to make sure she doesn’t drown and she’d put me through hell if I wasn’t around and something happened.” He crossed his arms again. “I’m not here to get her dressed. Besides, she’d just take it all off again anyway.”

    “You’re probably right.”

    Tiasal crawled out of the water and jumped in again.

    The girl giggled softly at the memory, leaning back and lounging on the grass. Her skin was definitely getting darker. It now was the color of grass—not the dark emerald of the only other goblin she had ever seen, but darker than mint. The two spots on her chest were emerald green. Haley and Durkon had told her that the spots had a name, but she kept on forgetting what it was. She didn’t care too much—they had never told her that the spots were important, so she figured that they were birthmarks. She just liked their color.

    She giggled softly, remembering her teacher’s reaction when she first went to his tower missing clothing. Aarindarius used to be shocked when he saw her without her shirt or pants, especially when she came to her lessons like that, but now he simply rolled his eyes and gave her a spare robe he’d taken to keeping magically tucked away in a pouch he had at his hip. Aunt Haley was even more resigned to it. She usually just told her that she’d get sick and that she should put on a robe, yet never made sure she did. Whenever Uncle Belkar saw this, he always laughed and said that her real parents would be way stricter about that.

    Would they be? Haley seemed to agree with Belkar.

    “Tiasal! Is it too much to ask for you to put on at least a shirt when your uncles or teacher are around?”

    The little girl shrugged her bare shoulders, ruffling the loose beige skirt that she had been convinced to wear and jumping up on the couch, snuggling up against the halfling slouched there. Belkar stiffened a little at the contact, something he always did, then he gave a nonchalant shrug and lightly rested a hand on a green arm.

    Haley sighed, running a hand through her hair. “I hate being the strict one.”

    Belkar glanced up at the rogue, smirking and laughter growing in his stomach. “You call shouting at her and then letting her cuddle up to a Chaotic Evil halfling ‘strict’?” He patted the child’s shoulder. “Vaarsuvius would’ve dragged her upstairs and forced her into three layers by now. I dunno about Reddy, but he would’ve probably done the same thing.” He looked down at Tiasal and smirked. “Face it, kid: you’ve lucked out.”

    “I wouldn’t call not having her parents ‘lucking out.’”

    “But will you admit to the fact that the elf would have snapped her into shape?”

    “Of course.”


    Tiasal absently ran a lock of soft purple hair through her fingers. The person she had gotten this from was the person that she may never meet. Vaarsuvius had probably taken care of her hair better than her daughter. The child’s hair was long, down to the waist, ragged, and tangled with various sticks and leaves constantly. It was a frightfully painful ordeal to brush it. The strands were too fine, the hair too thick—how was anyone supposed to live life and be able to keep it neat at the same time?

    Maybe, when she became a powerful mage, Tiasal could make a spell that would keep her hair from tangling. That would be useful.

    She let her hand drop from her hair. If she thought really hard, she could almost imagine (remember? But that was impossible) what her mother smelled like. Flowers. Honey. Wine. Mother. She could sometimes imagine what it was like to be held to her father’s chest. Cold skin. Hard chain mail. Warmth and a sense of safety.

    Her stomach got a small hollow feeling.

    Tiasal thought of her family and the feeling faded. She didn’t have too much to complain about. Her aunt and uncles weren’t perfect, but they loved and cared about her. Aarindarius was always there, and he loved and cared about her too. Blackwing was always around, clucking like a hen over her health habits and telling her to take better care of herself, and generally acting like the personification of common sense. Abram loved her like a little sister and was much more consistent than her real brothers. Octavius and Terentius, when they loved her, were wonderfully loving and kind. When they hated her, well, at least she learned how to fight better. And Inkyrius was always treating her kindly despite her origins.

    And she was happy like this. She was happy with her life. She was a happy little girl.

    Wasn’t she?

    She slowly drifted off to sleep under the warm sun.

    ---

    “Little one, you are distracted.”

    Tiasal looked up, blinking in surprise, and Aarindarius cocked his head, slowly closing the book of cantrips he was going over with the child. He sidled close, gently wrapping his arm around the girl’s shoulders and allowing her to lean against his side and snuggle close. He had noticed that she was much more tactile than her mother had been at that age, and it was his way of getting her to respond. It was difficult to communicate well with one who spoke so little, so he really needed every trick he could get.

    “Is there something bothering you?”

    The little girl shrugged.

    “Now you know that is not being forthcoming.” Aarindarius gently ran his fingers through the girl’s tangled hair, smiling fondly. “Are you troubled by something?”

    She remained silent for a while. “Did you ever meet my father?”

    The wizard jerked slightly in surprise, but he quickly tried to reign in his reaction. He had been trying to coax the girl to speak for years with varied results. He wasn’t going to discourage it now.

    “I never did, I fear. I hope to meet him one day—you and your mother mean very much to me and I would like to see who has grown so attached to the people I care for.”

    The girl was quiet again, one eyebrow up slightly in skepticism. “You think that Mommy and Daddy will come back?”

    Aarindarius looked down at the girl, noting that this was probably the longest conversation she had carried in years and tenderly running his fingers through her hair again. Her voice made its lack of use noticeable. It was raspy and quiet, though it could be pretty to listen to if it were only worked a little more.

    “Yes, I do.” He hugged her a little closer with one arm, noting that a purr was rising in the little girl’s throat. An instinctive response to something? He would need to research goblin biology a little more. “The Order is nothing if not persistent, and your mother is nothing if not stubborn, and I cannot imagine her ever choosing a mate that is not every bit as stubborn as her. Perhaps it shall not be soon—the lich seems rather elusive and persistent as well—but I have every belief that it will happen.”

    Tiasal nodded, tentatively snuggling even closer to the wizard. “Do you know if Daddy had any brothers?”

    Aarindarius cocked his head, then slowly shook it. “I am afraid I do not know. Goblins traditionally have large families, so I suppose that he would.”

    The girl nodded slowly.

    “Why do you ask, dear one?”

    She just smiled vaguely. “I’ve got an uncle.” And she left it at that.


    ---

    “Wake up! Hurry!”

    Tiasal snapped awake with a surprised shout, quickly scrambling to get on her knees and pulling her pruned feet out of the water. It was cold. The sun was gone. The moon was out. Why hadn’t anyone come to get her? She knew that Elan and Aarindarius were the only adults not on the adventure to find her mommy and daddy, but Aarindarius was usually so strict about bedtimes…

    “Tiasal, you have to be alert right now!”

    She looked up in confusion to see the goblin she only knew as Uncle. One gold eye glowed in the night, his face tight with worry. The girl swallowed, nodding quickly. The last time she had seen him, he had saved her life. She didn’t doubt his word now.

    “Someone who will hurt you is nearby. You need to get back home and warn your family.”

    Tiasal frowned blankly. The mere idea of someone trying to hurt her was incomprehensible. Only people in the past or in stories tried to hurt other people. She was always safe in the field.

    The adult goblin made hurried gestures with his hands, muttering softly under his breath. “Of all the times to not be able to touch anyone… Run!” He looked over her, eye widening. “NOW!”

    Tiasal jerked and turned to do as the goblin said, but a hand on her arms stopped her in her tracks.

    Uncle was gone.

    “What is this?”

    Tiasal was roughly spun around, cold hands clutching her shoulders, and she was suddenly staring at a tall woman, younger than her Aunt Haley but obviously an adult, with lank and loose black hair and pale skin. Her eyes were disturbing to look at. One was dark blue and the other was light blue. “A half-breed?”

    The girl cocked her head curiously, wondering at the language. Inkyrius had admonished Octavius for calling her a half-breed once. She had been told that it was insulting. Why was this woman insulting her? And why had Uncle told her to run away?

    “Purple hair? Half-elf, half-goblin? Next to the Order’s commune?” The woman smirked, the look ugly on her black lips, and she gently stroked the girl’s cheek. The girl twitched a little to avoid the contact. Instinct was niggling in the back of Tiasal’s mind. There was something odd with this woman. “Now where have I seen a goblin/purple-haired elf couple before?”

    Tiasal swallowed, violet eyes wide.

    The woman slowly started to hitch, rickety laughter beginning in her stomach and rising to her chest, her mouth curled up on the ends.

    Was this how most humans were? Tiasal had to admit that she didn’t have a lot of experience with this. The only person she had met outside of her ‘family’ that wasn’t a friend of someone she knew was Uncle. This woman was a complete stranger from Outside. She had to admit to being curious.

    Maybe her behavior was normal Outside?

    “I always thought that that soft fool was lying through his teeth.” The woman slowly stroked the girl’s face, hand latched firmly on her shoulder. Her eyes flashed out of sync with each other, creating a weird lighting effect, and her hands glowed softly. “The dead girl who should have never been born is alive after all.”

    Tiasal’s instinct had been tripped. For the first time in her life, she was afraid of another living, breathing being.

    What was she supposed to do? What was she supposed to do when she was afraid of a person? She knew how to fight someone who would pick her up and bring her to a cleric afterwards. She didn’t know how to fight or flee a dangerous stranger.

    “I think that you should come with me.”

    “Aarindarius… Elan… Abram…”

    Tiasal’s small voice was just a croak. A quiet murmur to people who couldn’t possibly hear her. The woman smirked, the strokes on the little girl’s face becoming harder. “They can’t help you now. I made sure of it.”

    What? How could she…

    No.

    No.

    No no no no no no no no no!

    No! Aarindarius! Uncle Elan! Abram! They couldn’t be dead! NO!

    Tiasal let out a shriek and jerked back, turning to run to the forest. “AARINDARIUS! UNCLE ELAN! ABRAM!”

    The woman grabbed her waist-length hair, fingers finding purchase in the tangles, and ripped her back. The girl shouted in pain, fear exploding inside and ricocheting off of the steady wall of anger that she had coated herself with. She could feel her heart pounding in her chest. Something inside of her was screaming. She had to get back. She had to get back.

    She twisted and bit the woman’s arm, sinking her sharpened and elongated tusks deep in the human’s flesh.

    The taste of blood erupted in her mouth. The woman let out a shrill scream.

    “YOU LITTLE BRAT!”

    Something exploded from the woman’s hands and pain ripped through the girl’s very being, darkness coming over and destroying everything.

    ---

    Sometimes, if she prayed really hard, Uncle would come to see her even if she wasn’t dying.

    She never really had a lot of piety for the Dark One or the elven gods, but she supposed that the Dark One was willing to overlook that in regards to her prayers because of her father.

    Uncle was really the only other goblin she had met. She wanted to meet more. Everyone was rather vague about why she was never taken out of their safe field, usually saying something along the lines of ‘people are stupid about species.’ She didn’t understand it and suspected them of lying.

    But Uncle was sometimes just slightly more specific. He would say that humanoids and goblinoids didn’t get along very well and people might be mean to her because of her ancestry. She also suspected him of lying, but it was less of a lie than the ones the others told, so she just stopped asking questions.

    He didn’t seem to disapprove of her existence, though. She had never seen him look at her with disappointment and regret when he thought she wasn’t looking. He had never has whispered conversations with others when he thought she couldn’t hear about how foolish her parents had been. The only odd thing about him was that he never touched her. That was a little sad, and he seemed to want to numerous times, so she supposed that he simply couldn’t do it.

    For some odd reason, he never talked about her father. He talked a little about her mother—he often said that she had been good for her father and had helped him ‘get his priorities straight’ and ‘smooth out the edges’—but he never talked about his brother.

    She always filed that fact under things that implied ill of her father.

    Spoiler
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    The April Squickies Award for Best Crack Pairing Story


    Thank you so much to Kaytara for the avatar! It's of Redcloak's and Vaarsuvius's love child.

  11. - Top - End - #821
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    Lira's Avatar

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings 3 - 50% More Squick

    Quote Originally Posted by Zanaril View Post
    Because reading fanfic by the authors you mentioned make me feel small and insignificant too.
    For what it's worth, Zanaril, you're one of my top three favorite authors in this thread. Your stories are excellent, and I'm always extremely happy when I see you've written a new one.
    Credits to half-halfling for my adorable avatar.

    ...............................................

    Come visit the Discussion Thread Index II.
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  12. - Top - End - #822
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    Default Re: Crack Pairings 3 - 50% More Squick

    Quote Originally Posted by Lira View Post
    For what it's worth, Zanaril, you're one of my top three favorite authors in this thread. Your stories are excellent, and I'm always extremely happy when I see you've written a new one.
    Who are the other two?

    Incidentally, great characterization there, Water-Smurf. As usual. Now I'm going to have to wait another day or so to post my next installment.
    Last edited by Cracklord; 2009-11-15 at 06:15 PM.
    Nadir We,
    Youth Born,
    Blood Letters,
    Axe Weilders,
    Victors Still.

  13. - Top - End - #823
    Colossus in the Playground
     
    CoffeeIncluded's Avatar

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings 3 - 50% More Squick

    Aww, why did you leave it on a cliffhanger? Great as always.

  14. - Top - End - #824
    Ogre in the Playground
     
    Zanaril's Avatar

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings 3 - 50% More Squick

    Quote Originally Posted by Water-Smurf View Post
    You'll notice that I make nods to that. :) It's my personal fanon. I was thinking about Belkar's mysterious past and, well...

    Anyway, I'm writing out another spawnfic, this one shaping up to be longer than the last one. (By the way, the last one is called Tragedy of Hypnos, and this one is called Pasithea's Messenger. They're collectively known as Phantasos' Game for now.)

    I'm not sure how happy I am with this, but I can't find something to change after reading through it a couple times, so I'll leave you guys to figure on the quality. Enjoy!
    Is it too much to hope that Tsukiko's grown up a bit? If she has it's almost certainly for the worst.

    A great start, I'm already really really worried for Tiasal. And not just about the physical danger; it would be far too easy for anyone - especially someone as darkly charismatic as Xykon - to fill in the gaps in what she knows with whatever lies they want.
    This post may contain sarcasm.
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  15. - Top - End - #825

    Default Re: Crack Pairings 3 - 50% More Squick

    Quote Originally Posted by Zanaril View Post
    And not just about the physical danger; it would be far too easy for anyone - especially someone as darkly charismatic as Xykon - to fill in the gaps in what she knows with whatever lies they want.
    Aaaand... you've convinced me to ditch my phobia of any stories that aren't in short chapters or about the size of novels and read the monster character limit breaking story.

    Please wait for either and thank you or a damn you.
    It's been a bit, GitP. If you're reading this, you're either digging through old stuff, or I've posted for the first time in forever.

    If you want to stay in touch, reach out to me on twitter (same username).

    The best answer is always to ask your DM.
    Unless you're the DM, in which case you should talk to your players.

  16. - Top - End - #826
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    Default Re: Crack Pairings 3 - 50% More Squick

    Quote Originally Posted by The Dark Fiddler View Post
    Aaaand... you've convinced me to ditch my phobia of any stories that aren't in short chapters or about the size of novels and read the monster character limit breaking story.

    Please wait for either and thank you or a damn you.
    Oh, but the lengthy stories are the best. Short stories are like snacks; they can be tasty, delicious even, but in the end they just wet your appetite and leave you hungry for more. Long stories - on the other hand - are like gourmet dinners, and satisfy your crackfic cravings until the next meal.



    ...It's midnight. Why am I suddenly thinking about food?
    This post may contain sarcasm.
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  17. - Top - End - #827

    Default Re: Crack Pairings 3 - 50% More Squick

    Quote Originally Posted by Zanaril View Post
    ...It's midnight. Why am I suddenly thinking about food?
    Midnight snack.

    I don't like gourmet meals; too fancy.

    This fic, on the other hand, made me a bit teary.
    It's been a bit, GitP. If you're reading this, you're either digging through old stuff, or I've posted for the first time in forever.

    If you want to stay in touch, reach out to me on twitter (same username).

    The best answer is always to ask your DM.
    Unless you're the DM, in which case you should talk to your players.

  18. - Top - End - #828
    Halfling in the Playground
     
    GreataxeFighterGirl

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings 3 - 50% More Squick

    Man, insomnia is a rhymes-with-witch.

    Also, I've recently returned to the caste of students with no employment. Meaning that I have to live on a hugely tight budget, but it's great to have a government student support system, so I at least have some 500 euro each month.

    To add to my problems, my relationship with my family ain't all that good now.

    Sorry to push my problems on y'all, but, well...this is pretty much the only international web forum I write on these days, and as it's about 4 AM here, I can't very well go call my mates up now.

    Hope I haven't imposed too much.

  19. - Top - End - #829
    Titan in the Playground
     
    MindFlayer

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    Howdy guys, whats up? Did I miss anything nifty over the last couple of days/pages?


    *ponder ponder ponder*


    I suppose I could work on the next chapter of my V x Cain literary abomination...

    But first I'm gonna watch "World War 2 in HD"...
    Anemoia: Nostalgia for a time you've never known.

  20. - Top - End - #830
    Dwarf in the Playground
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    Quote Originally Posted by Zanaril View Post


    ...It's midnight. Why am I suddenly thinking about food?
    This is when you feed your Muse so you can write more. (Which I really wish you would. I adore your stories just as much as I adore Water-Smurf's and most others here.)

  21. - Top - End - #831
    Ogre in the Playground
     
    Cracklord's Avatar

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    Quote Originally Posted by Lycan 01 View Post
    I suppose I could work on the next chapter of my V x Cain literary abomination...

    But first I'm gonna watch "World War 2 in HD"...
    If you do no, I will kidnap you, keep you in my basement and force you to write.
    Nadir We,
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    Victors Still.

  22. - Top - End - #832
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    ClericGuy

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    Quote Originally Posted by Discord View Post
    Thanks. :D Reading Kaytara's, or Water-Smurf's, or Cracklord's, or esmerelder's, or anyone's fanfictions still depress me to the highest degree because they're so much better than I can ever hope to be, so I think I won't be reading stories for a long time.
    That's how I feel also. Whenever I read any of these fanfictions, their great length and rich detail just blow my mind away. I know I could never do as good. They look like another long english essay to me. A- to A+, of coarse.
    Your local Cleric.

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    (yes, that is possible)

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  23. - Top - End - #833
    Dwarf in the Playground
     
    Saeyan's Avatar

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    Quote Originally Posted by Monzach View Post
    Man, insomnia is a rhymes-with-witch.

    Also, I've recently returned to the caste of students with no employment. Meaning that I have to live on a hugely tight budget, but it's great to have a government student support system, so I at least have some 500 euro each month.

    To add to my problems, my relationship with my family ain't all that good now.

    Sorry to push my problems on y'all, but, well...this is pretty much the only international web forum I write on these days, and as it's about 4 AM here, I can't very well go call my mates up now.

    Hope I haven't imposed too much.
    I really suck at these kinds of things because I never know what I should say, but I wish you all the best in finding a new job and reconciling with your family.

    I'm going to America tomorrow!

    PS: Did anyone ever answer my question about the Crackies?

    I draw pictures:


    (haven't been updated in a while and you can read the comic here)

  24. - Top - End - #834
    Titan in the Playground
     
    MindFlayer

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    Quote Originally Posted by Cracklord View Post
    If you do no, I will kidnap you, keep you in my basement and force you to write.
    I didn't think anybody cared about my story that much.

    @ Monzach: Uh... I'm not a therapist or anything, but I can tell you reading this stuff should help. It'll distract you, and make you laugh. Thus, your stress will be reduced...

    @ Saeyan: Really?! Oh man, you're gonna love it here... What part of America are you visiting?


    Well, I've got a severe cold right now. I'm basically locked in my dorm room, watching tv and chugging vitamin water between sneezes. So you can probably expect some crack-tastic work from me later today...
    Anemoia: Nostalgia for a time you've never known.

  25. - Top - End - #835
    Ettin in the Playground
     
    Sstoopidtallkid's Avatar

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    Quote Originally Posted by Lycan 01 View Post
    Well, I've got a severe cold right now. I'm basically locked in my dorm room, watching tv and chugging vitamin water between sneezes. So you can probably expect some crack-tastic work from me later today...
    Ah, yes. Hallucinations make the best source of creativity. I can't wait to see what you come up with when your subconscious is unchecked.
    [/sarcasm]
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  26. - Top - End - #836
    Dwarf in the Playground
     
    The Odor's Avatar

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    Hello. Well lets get this started. Zanrill great. Water smurf great. Crack lord sweet. Everyone amaising. hello goblinlawyer.
    Evil. Iam diffrent. Have a problem with that...
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    Thanks To Mr Saturn for Goth Man avatar.

  27. - Top - End - #837
    Ogre in the Playground
     
    Zanaril's Avatar

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings 3 - 50% More Squick

    Quote Originally Posted by Lycan 01 View Post
    Well, I've got a severe cold right now. I'm basically locked in my dorm room, watching tv and chugging vitamin water between sneezes. So you can probably expect some crack-tastic work from me later today...
    This has to be the only place where illness is celebrated.



    Anyway, credit goes to Discord for inspiring me: I know when I'm being challenged.
    Quote Originally Posted by Discord View Post
    Haley has always known there were two Vs, and has taken full advantage of it since the beginning.

    But I don't write smut, so go ask someone else. I recall Zanaril likes smut.
    This isn't exactly that, but is maybe how it started.

    HaleyxVxV

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    Vaarsuvius sat cross-legged on the bed, attention fixed on the book that lay open on the covers. The elf was ignoring the sounds of celebrations that could be heard from outside, the laughing, the music, the occasionally firework. Humans amused themselves so frequently with celebrations, what was another new year when you had already seen more than a hundred of them? And of course, no amount of partying could surmount the enjoyment of a good book.

    The patter of light footsteps sounded from the corridor, but elf neglected to look up even when they stopped outside the door. The door opened and then slammed shut. There was a brief pause.

    “You’re back soon. How was your walk, did you see-“ Vaarsuvius looked up. “What is wrong?”

    Leaning against the door with a look of utter horror written across delicate features was an identical elf. It looked just about ready to throw up.

    “That little creep.” The elf finally managed to mutter.

    They were almost identical, at least. The Vaarsuvius sitting on the bed closed the book, putting it aside, and a face that was ever so slightly softer twisted into a concerned frown. “I assume you’re referring to the Halfling?”

    “The little psychopath kissed me!” the elf by the door spat, and as if to leave no doubt of his feelings about the incident, he wiped his mouth furiously with the back of his sleeve.

    The other Vaarsuvius’s face went through an odd series of expressions, and then without warning, she burst out laughing. She hurriedly raised a hand to her mouth, attempting to hide the helpless grin and failing.

    “It’s not funny! Urgh, I can still taste second-hand beer.” He wiped his mouth again, scowling at the elf sitting on the bed.

    “Sorry, it was just the look on your face.” The tone was apologetic, but her purple eyes were still sparkling with mirth. “I believe there is some mouthwash in the bathroom cabinet.” The other Vaarsuvius looked grateful and hurriedly disappeared into the en suit. The sound of gargling was soon heard.

    “So how exactly did this… event occur?” There was an audible smirk behind the words. “I hope you exacted the appropriate retribution.”

    The male Vaarsuvius reappeared, now looking less nauseous and merely annoyed. “Unfortunately it is poor sportsmanship to target an opponent who has inebriated himself to the point of unconsciousness.”

    “I am beginning to gain a clearer understanding of the proceedings.”

    “Be assured I will make every effort to get my own back over the course of the next few days, weeks, months and possibly years.” The elf stepped over to the chest of drawers and rummaged around in the top drawer until he found a small bottle. He uncorked it and took a large swig.

    “Careful now. After all, alcohol is what caused the situation initially.”

    “That and unsavoury human customs.” He grimaced, and replaced the bottle back in the drawer. “This is required to further remove the taste from my mouth.” He turned around and started slightly when he found his doppelganger standing inches away. She was smiling.

    “I see. You are referring to the exchange of a kiss at the start of the New Year? That was several minutes ago, but as they say, better late than never.” Leaning forward, she locked lips with the other elf. The kiss was happily returned and he brought his hands up to rest lightly on her waist, accepting the gesture that was an unspoken apology. After a long moment, they parted.

    “I have to revise my opinion; it’s not unsavoury in the slightest.”

    “But only if I am the one doing the kissing, I should hope.” The elf said, crossing the room and sitting down on the bed, the other elf following suit.

    “You’re never going to let me live this down, are you?”

    “Let’s just say that I look forward to helping with the imaginative revenge that you are sure to come up with.” She moved closer and wrapped her arms around him, pulling their slender bodies together.


    If someone had told Haley a few weeks ago about amount of loneliness that the inability to communicate could incur, she would have dismissed it as mere hyperbole. But now she had come to realise just how important the need to make yourself understood could be, how much she needed to be able to tell others things. As an absurdly secretive person by both nurture and nature, this realisation came as a harsh surprise.

    It wasn’t Elan’s fault, of course not. She couldn’t expect him to take the initiative, especially since she had never made any real effort to make her feelings known back when she could talk. Did Elan return the feelings, she wondered? Even if he did, it’s was likely that he would never take it on himself to raise the issue. Elan was like that; he was a people person, charismatic and as far away from shy as you could get, but he was also like a child, eager only to please and always happier when he first had approval of his actions. She shook her head sadly. If anything were ever to happen between them, it would surely be up to her to start it.

    These thoughts, of course, did nothing to abate the utter loneliness she was currently feeling. The city-wide party was still at full throttle as she made her way back to the inn, but for her all the heart had gone out of it. Maybe she could go and see V. Her friend had almost certainly taken a similar attitude and would be sitting somewhere quiet with a book. Maybe they could even go and find a quiet bar and get roaring drunk, assuming Haley could sufficiently communicate that with hand gestures.

    The rogue made her way along the corridor to the elf’s room, and knocked on the door. After a full minute’s wait Haley let out a silent sigh. The elf wasn’t there. It seemed that everyone was enjoying the evening more than she was.

    She was about to leave when a barely audible snatch of words reached her ears. “...leave if we ignore them...” Haley frowned in confusion, and briefly wondered if she had the wrong room. No, it was right at the end of the corridor, there was no mistaking it. Out of roguish habit, Haley tried the door handle, and almost jumped in surprise when it turned easily. Well this raised an important question; was her respect for the privacy of others stronger than her curiosity?

    Haley smirked and pushed open the door.

    There was a long moment between the door opening and the elves – who were enthusiastically making out – noticing the human standing there gawping. For Haley, it was an extremely awkward moment, not only because of the obvious embarrassment of the situation, but also because she knew without a doubt that the image of the two elves playing tongue hockey would be running across her mind for a very long time. Oh boy. Maybe if she closed the door quietly enough...

    “Miss Starshine!” Upon noticing her, the two elves tried to move apart from each other, which was easier said than done since they both had their hands tangled up in each other’s robes. An identical blush started to spread across their faces.

    There was another awkward moment, and then the two of them tried to speak at the same time.

    “I -“

    “-that is to say, we-“

    “-can explain!” They were sitting apart now, not meeting each other’s eyes, and the blush was threatening to turn their faces as red as their robes.

    “It may take some time though.”

    The Vaarsuviuses (Vaarsuvii?) both patted the space between them in a movement that was creepily synchronised. “Please, sit down and we can talk.”

    “Qkfq’v hfvn rjs njo qj vfn.”

    “Ah yes, your speech impediment.”

    Haley pointed to each of the elves, raised two fingers, pointed to her eyes, and then raised a single finger. When she was met by blank stares, she repeated the gestures. The Vaarsuvius on the right still looked confused, but left Vaarsuvius seemed grasp what she meant.

    “Yes, there are two of us, and our appearances are similar.”

    Haley raised a questioning eyebrow, and then wiggled her fingers in a poor imitation of spell casting.

    “No. There is no magic involved in there being two of us. We...”

    “We are twins.”

    “Fraternal twins, however. Our seemingly identical appearance is partly just family resemblance-“

    “-and partly due to the impaired ability to distinguish between individuals of other species.”

    “Indeed. We are not even of the same gender.” A conspiratorial grin spread between the two elves.

    Haley’s eyes narrowed as a suspicion started to form in her mind, but she couldn’t think of a way to express it through hand signs. The elves mistook the expression for anger, and sobered up immediately.

    “Haley, we are sorry for pulling such a deception all this time. As your friend, we should have told you.”

    “If you are angry, you have every right to be. Will you at least stay and hear our side of the story?”

    The elf indicated for Haley to come and sit down. Hesitant but intrigued, Haley walked into the room, shutting the door behind her. She sat down awkwardly on the bed between the two elves.

    “We have been doing this for far longer than we have travelled with the Sir Greenhilt’s party.”

    “As far back as we can recall we’ve been mistaken for one another, and after a while we stopped trying to enforce the distinction. Partly, it was simply easier to keep up the image of us being a single person.”

    “Although a lot of was enjoyment at the deception. Especially keeping everyone guessing as to our gender. Our double act even fooled the Halfling’s keen nose.” Haley’s mouth switched into a smile at that.

    “Again, you have our apologies. By the time we met you, it had become second nature to us. Not that there have not been some near misses. Invisibility Spells are not foolproof.”

    “And there was always the temptation to step in when the other seemed to be in danger.”

    “Like when you were polymorphed into a lizard. I had to pick up your robe and hand it back to you later.”

    “Yes thank you very much for reminding me of that incident. I recall you didn’t look so happy about being chained up and gagged by that Paladin.”

    “You hated that vile woman as much as I did.”

    “Oh, so it was not being chained up that you minded?”

    Haley gave a snort of laughter, which unfortunately distracted the elves from their banter as they remembered the rogue was there.

    A sigh. “We hope you’re willing to remain our friend. Truely, we never intended you and harm by it.”

    “Is there anything we can do to make it up to you?”

    Haley glanced between the two siblings, and a smile slowly spread across her face. She pointed at herself, and then pointed at each of them. Then pointed back at herself. Elan would have to wait, until she could talk, until she had built her confidence up that she could cope with the pain if her hopes were brought crashing down. A friend (or two), on the other hand, was different.

    “I’m afraid I don’t understa-“ It was Left Vaarsuvius who spoke, and Haley took hold of the front of the elf’s robes and brought their lips together firmly. There was a muffled exclamation of surprise, but soon the elf began to kiss back, relaxing into the embrace. Then there was a warm breath at her ear, with the slight hint of some unidentifiable alcohol.

    “We’d be delighted to.” The other Vaarsuvius said breathily in her ear, and Haley felt strong slender fingers begin to tug at her clothes, to stroke across her exposed flesh. She broke away from the kiss momentarily, leaning into the touch and gasping as one of the elves nibbled an ear lobe.

    She needed this. The closeness, the intimacy. To be able to communicate without words and be understood. She was vaguely aware that her armour had been taken off, and that a pair of red robes had joined them. She drunk it all in, and it was intoxicating.

    ---

    Haley awoke to bright sunshine, and the few moments it took for her eyes to adjust were all she needed to remember where she was. The male Vaarsuvius was sprawled out next to her, lost in some past memory and otherwise dead to the world. Haley smiled, before slipping out of the bed. He stirred slightly as her weight moved the mattress, but remained otherwise oblivious as she dressed and left the room.

    Haley was halfway down the corridor when a loud explosion shook the building, seeming to come from the floor below. She sprinted the rest of the way to the stairs, ran down them two at a time, and approached the breakfast hall just in time to hear Durkon’s remark.

    “-coffee wit Roy’s sweat socks was a nice touch.”

    “I pride myself on attention to detail” The elf replied, completely poker faced. She turned around as Haley stopped next to them. “Good morning Miss Starshine. I trust you slept well?” The conspiratorial grin was back, but this time Haley was in on it. The rogue smirked, then raised an eyebrow and pointed towards the Halfling lying in a pool of coffee.

    “Just a little bit of light hearted revenge. Ask ‘me’ about it later.”

    Since the elf was turned away from him, Durkon missed the very meaningful wink.

    Last edited by Zanaril; 2009-11-19 at 11:01 AM.
    This post may contain sarcasm.
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  28. - Top - End - #838
    Ogre in the Playground
     
    Kaytara's Avatar

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings 3 - 50% More Squick

    ...Guh.

    That was disturbingly plausible.

    And very well-written. I could envision it all in my head as it happened.

    ...

    *grabs brain bleach*
    *Above post: Additional terms and restrictions may apply.
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  29. - Top - End - #839
    Ogre in the Playground
     
    Dark Faun's Avatar

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings 3 - 50% More Squick

    Wimp.

    Now that's what I call entertainment. I'm not sure the implied incest will be everyone's cup of tea, but you know elves. They're special.

    Very well written.

    And now I want to make a banner of V making out with V.
    Formerly known as Discord here and Maladin on avatarspirit.net.

  30. - Top - End - #840
    Ogre in the Playground
     
    Zanaril's Avatar

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings 3 - 50% More Squick

    Quote Originally Posted by Discord View Post
    Now that's what I call entertainment. I'm not sure the implied incest will be everyone's cup of tea, but you know elves.
    We're a crack pairings thread. If we serve tea, then it's from one of those variety packs with lots of equally weird flavours that all seem to be an acquired taste.
    This post may contain sarcasm.
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