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  1. - Top - End - #751
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    Zanaril's Avatar

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings II - Brain Bleach not Supplied

    Quote Originally Posted by Silverraptor View Post
    See the Haley story.
    Oh, that type of room. Maybe. Maybe I did. There sure are a lot of spiked tentacles.
    This post may contain sarcasm.
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  2. - Top - End - #752
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    Silverraptor's Avatar

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings II - Brain Bleach not Supplied

    And here's another random roll.

    Spoiler
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    "Dismissed!"

    "Whew! I'm finally off duty." The soldier drags himself across the deck towards his room. His Halberd felt heavier after holding it so long. But he remembered he volunteered for this. And Diago isn't that bad of an instructor.

    Reaching the stairs, the soldier lowers himself down below deck. He goes to the door to his room and opens it. He quickly puts his Halberd away and removes his armor. Relieved to finally be able to cool off, he leans heavily in his chair.

    He doesn't know how long he was like that before he heard a creak. Opening his eyes, he sees he forgot to close his door all the way. It was open a jar and slowly inching back and forth with the waves. Annoyed at himself, he gets up to go close it.

    As he reaches the door though, he hears a sniff from outside. He hesitates, then opens the door and peers outside. Leaning against the wall, with her Halberd forgotten on the ground, was another female soldier. He remembered seeing her when he was on duty, but never got a chance to talk to her.

    "Are you alright?"

    She looks at him, eyes were red. He then realized she was crying.

    "Y-yes... I'm ok."

    "You don't look it."

    "Well... it's just- It's just that..."

    "Look, why don't you come in. You do no good to yourself standing out here upset."

    "Th-thank you." She says, picking up her Halberd and walking into his room. He close the door behind her and helps her remove her armor. He goes over to his closet to put it all away while she sinks into the chair he had previously occupied.

    "Would you like something to drink? Tea maybe?"

    "That... would be welcome. Thanks."

    He walks over and prepares the tea. Shortly, he is offering the female soldier her cup and swings a chair around to face her.

    "What's wrong?"

    "Oh... I'm j-just being silly. My brother was one of the soldiers killed during the hobgoblin invasion. After all this time on the ship after volunteering, I just realized, he went through this same training and everything as well."

    "Well, not the same, really. We're on a ship."

    "Yes. But I get this feeling that I will die like he did. On the battlefield against horrible odds. There's so much I still want to do."

    "We all do."

    She starts crying again.

    "Oh, sorry I didn't mean to upset you." He goes over trying to comfort her. As he puts a hand around her, she embraces him in a hug, sobbing into his shoulder. He pats her on the head. "It's alright, I'm here for you."

    After a while she manages to stop sobbing, but tears still leaked from her eyes. "Th-thank you again. I don't know what I would have done."

    "I don't know either. Let's dry up those tears shall we?" He grabs a cloth and wipes the tears from her face. "There we go."

    She looks at him for a moment and he returns it. Their eyes locked for a moment. Then, slowly in unison, they lean forward and kiss. More quickly, there embrace becomes more energetic as they move their arms around each other. He then leans them over onto the bed, and they start to undress themselves...


    There we go. Short, quick, and to the point. My work for the day is done.

    Yes. I did roll Guy with the Halberd x Guy with the Halberd (Gender-swap). Just thought I'd make it 2 soldiers.
    Last edited by Silverraptor; 2009-10-01 at 02:12 PM.
    My own webcomic. Idiosyncrasy.
    Paladin Academy: Chapter 2 Part 28

    *Avatar by Me*

  3. - Top - End - #753
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    MindFlayer

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings II - Brain Bleach not Supplied

    Can we PLEASE get back to the crack, people?


    Here's something that just came to mind...

    Blackwing x Mr. Scruffy

    Spoiler
    Show

    "Grrrr..." Vaarsuvius growled as she stormed into her tent, Blackwing in tow.

    "I'm sure you can talk some sense into him, Vaarsuvius..." Blackwing tried to comfort her.

    "Its not Kyrie I'm upset about!" the Wizard snarled. "I'm just annoyed that my friends won't acknowledge your existance. I can FIX my problems with Kyrie easily..."

    "Really now?" Blackwing arched a feathery eyebrow. "And how do you intend to do that?"

    "I'm going to create a spell of Eagle's Splendor, which should give me quite a nice Charisma modifier..." V grins mischeviously.

    "But don't you only get a 4 point bonus?" Blackwing reminded her.

    "If I use a few eagle feathers or some eagle droppings, yes. But if a those give you 4 points, then what would the whole eagle give you? V grins.

    "Ah... That is an interesting idea. But where do you plan to get an Eagle?" Blackwing gulped, hoping she didn't plan to improvise in order to save her marriage.

    "Relax, my familiar, I already have something lined up..." V winked, heading towards the exit of the tent. "Stay here, and if anybody asks where I am, tell them the bathroom. They'll probably outside of them for hours to see which door I come out of..." she snickered as she left.

    "Hm. I do hope this works out for her..." Blackwing sighed as his Master left. "Though I must wonder why nobody has tried to use a whole eagle before. Surely it would have been written about. Hm?" Blackwing suddenly looks up as a figure enters the tent. He then smiles when he sees that it is only Belkar's pet cat, Mr. Scruffy. "Ah. I wonder if it will ignore me like the rest of them? Surely it won't try to eat me..." thought aloud from atop V's desk.

    Mr. Scruffy walked up to the desk and sat beneath Blackwing. He began to stare up at the bird, purring. "Hm..." Blackwing mused. "I wonder why he's staring at me like that?" The moment the words left his beak, Mr. Scruffy pounced.

    ---

    Not long afterwards, V returned. "I have returned, Blackwing..." she said aloud as she placed a large sack on top of her desk, quickly stuffing a few loose feathers back into it. "Blackwing?"

    "Shhhhh..." came a reply.

    "Blackwing?" Vaarsuvius arched an eyebrow. Looking under her desk, she made a bizarre discovery. Blackwing, missing a few feathers and looking rather worse for wear, was hiding under her desk surrounding by clumps of white cat hair and clutching a shiny red orb. "Blackwing, are you okay? Why are you holding onto a bauble?"

    "I just want to be left along right now..." Blackwing muttered weakly. "Just leave me and my bauble alone..."

    "Oooooookaaaaayyyyy..." Vaarsuvius replied in confusion. "I'll... leave you alone, then..."

    "Its okay, Mr. Bauble..." Blackwing whispered to the red orb. "I'm sorry you had to watch that..."


    Poor Blackwing. But at least it helps to set up my next story.
    Anemoia: Nostalgia for a time you've never known.

  4. - Top - End - #754
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    Default Re: Crack Pairings II - Brain Bleach not Supplied

    Good job both of you!

    Quote Originally Posted by Lycan 01 View Post
    "Stay here, and if anybody asks where I am, tell them the bathroom. They'll probably outside of them for hours to see which door I come out of..."
    Giggle!

    Vaarsuvius must really have lost it if she keeps grinning and snickering like that though.
    Formerly known as Discord here and Maladin on avatarspirit.net.

  5. - Top - End - #755
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    MindFlayer

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings II - Brain Bleach not Supplied

    Meh, I didn't feel like being perfectly IC. But I suppose you could say she's trying to keep her mind off of less cheerfull things, like her husband leaving her and her soul being partially owned by fiends.
    Anemoia: Nostalgia for a time you've never known.

  6. - Top - End - #756
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    Meg's Avatar

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings II - Brain Bleach not Supplied

    Here's Roy's SwordxNale, with kidnapped as a plot device.

    Spoiler
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    The mission had been the definition of futility. Seriously, check a recent edition of a dictionary, flip to F for futility, and there is a picture of the Linear Guild breaking into the Order Of the Stick’s tents.

    Ignoring the fact that breaking into a tent is somewhere between walking in a strait line while sober and rising from a sitting position, Nale had been quite proud of the mission, until the gods-damned halfling had walked in on the Guild pawing through the fighter’s bags.

    To make a short story shorter, they’d cut their losses and ran, taking the bags they’d been holding with them.

    Sabine’s had contained spare clothes and armor polish, things you’d expect a fighter to carry. Thog had somehow wound up with a bag of action figures, and was busy destroying their status as mint-condition by removing them from their original packaging and playing with them.

    The bag Nale had taken contained something else entirely. Roy’s sword. While Nale had absolutely no clue why any decent fighter would leave their main weapon lying unguarded in their tent, that didn’t mean it wasn’t a windfall for the Guild.

    Nale’s original plan of selling it faltered when he began to examine it, hoping to determine its rough value. Greenhilt, despite his shortcomings with not leaving his valuables lying where anyone capable of entering a tent could simply walk off with them, was a scrupulous swordsman, and the sword didn’t show any sign of wear in any way. It gleamed in the candlelight, throwing dancing silver shadows all across the room. Swallowing hard, Nale poked his head out the window. Thog was acting out something vaguely recognizable as Hamlet with the action figures, and Sabine was on an errand in the lower planes.

    Nale locked the bedroom door, and turned to where the sword lay shining on the bed, grinning as he stepped out of his pants and towards the sword.


    I'm going to be in fetal position, rocking and whimpering, if anyone needs me.

    ...And that is how I met your father.

  7. - Top - End - #757
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    Default Re: Crack Pairings II - Brain Bleach not Supplied

    And then Nale died horribly after cutting himself by accident.

    Quote Originally Posted by CheeseMuncher View Post
    Seriously, check a recent edition of a dictionary, flip to F for futility, and there is a picture of the Linear Guild breaking into the Order Of the Stick’s tents.
    Formerly known as Discord here and Maladin on avatarspirit.net.

  8. - Top - End - #758
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    Zanaril's Avatar

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings II - Brain Bleach not Supplied

    Quote Originally Posted by Discord View Post
    Vaarsuvius must really have lost it if she keeps grinning and snickering like that though.
    For some reason, the idea of V going insane like that would be pretty interesting to write in first person. Anyone want to suggest a pairing for it?
    This post may contain sarcasm.
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  9. - Top - End - #759
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    RedWizardGuy

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings II - Brain Bleach not Supplied

    Quote Originally Posted by Silverraptor View Post
    Pretty colors, eh?

    Did you fall into my room of faults and fears?
    No, I did...

    SOMEONE GET ME OUT OF HERE!

    Also to Silverraptor, Lycan 01, CheeseMuncher, and the rest, I don't think my brain will ever be the same, Good Job!
    Last edited by Malkar Grumbo; 2009-10-01 at 02:59 PM.
    I Am A: Chaotic Good Human Sorcerer (3rd Level)
    Ability Scores:
    Strength- 9
    Dexterity- 11
    Constitution- 11
    Intelligence- 12
    Wisdom- 11
    Charisma- 11

  10. - Top - End - #760
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    Zanaril's Avatar

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings II - Brain Bleach not Supplied

    Quote Originally Posted by Malkar Grumbo View Post
    No, I did...

    SOMEONE GET ME OUT OF HERE!
    Climb up the tentacles. The spikes make good handholds until they get slippery with your blood.

    Oh, and try to keep them away from your orifices.
    This post may contain sarcasm.
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  11. - Top - End - #761
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    Default Re: Crack Pairings II - Brain Bleach not Supplied

    Quote Originally Posted by Zanaril View Post
    For some reason, the idea of V going insane like that would be pretty interesting to write in first person. Anyone want to suggest a pairing for it?
    Haerta!
    Formerly known as Discord here and Maladin on avatarspirit.net.

  12. - Top - End - #762
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    Zanaril's Avatar

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings II - Brain Bleach not Supplied

    Quote Originally Posted by Discord View Post
    Haerta!
    I accept that challenge!
    This post may contain sarcasm.
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  13. - Top - End - #763
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    RedWizardGuy

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings II - Brain Bleach not Supplied

    Quote Originally Posted by Zanaril View Post
    I accept that challenge!
    I'll get the brain bleach ready.
    I Am A: Chaotic Good Human Sorcerer (3rd Level)
    Ability Scores:
    Strength- 9
    Dexterity- 11
    Constitution- 11
    Intelligence- 12
    Wisdom- 11
    Charisma- 11

  14. - Top - End - #764
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    Meg's Avatar

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings II - Brain Bleach not Supplied

    Out of curiosity: Is anyone on the Roy/Miko Morally Justified thread actually aware we're rivals? Or is that just a delusion caused by brain bleach overdoses?

    ...And that is how I met your father.

  15. - Top - End - #765
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    Default Re: Crack Pairings II - Brain Bleach not Supplied

    Um... I was ashamed to see so many pretty avatars lately...

    So, I wanted to try, too. Here's my very first attempt at creating OotS-style avatar:

    Please don't laugh.

    Spoiler
    Show


    I wonder if you can even see who is this supposed to be.

    Anyway, constructive criticism would be welcome.
    Come one, come all! GitP MLP Steam Group is open!
    Current location of the last MLP Thread OP, too.
    Want to ask me something? Use MAIL or message me on Steam!

    Spoiler
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    >Click!<
    Amazing Art by Dirtytabs :P
    HW Ava © ETsofu

    "Well, the Great and Powerful Trixie can't actually transport you to Equestria... But!
    The Great and Powerful Trixie can beat you over the head until you think that's what happened!"

  16. - Top - End - #766
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    Zanaril's Avatar

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings II - Brain Bleach not Supplied

    Here we are: Vx ...Haerta?

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    This was not how things were meant to happen.

    The book in front of me seemed to blur; for once in my long life, the arcane texts held no appeal. The words and sigils I had so long ago scrawled eagerly across its pages seemed diminished; a useless memento of a past life that had been mine. A life I was forced to leave behind: I snapped the book shut, and the muffled thump sounded an ultimatum in the darkness.

    My familiar - Blackwing - was asleep, nesting in my bundled up cloak in the corner of the tent, and not wishing to wake him I left the garment behind as I crawled out into the night. It was cold - the desert at night - and I wrapped my arms around myself, watching my breath mist in front of me. The stars were bright tonight – even without my superior elven vision it would have been enough to get about by. But of course, I could see even better than that; I could see the dunes stretching in every direction like a frozen sea, and for a moment I thought I could could see them churning, hear the roar of the ocean. I shook my head. This was not an ocean. By definition of being a desert it lacked water. The roar was my own blood, the sound as it coursed through my veins immense in the utter silence.

    “It’s beautiful, isn’t it?” a voice said.

    “It is.” I replied, and the idea that the voice should know what I was thinking seemed laughable. So I did, a small sound that may have only been in my head. But so was the voice so it didn’t matter.

    It is. What is? “What is?” I asked, and I wasn’t sure whether I wanted an answer. The question seemed to be amusing, because someone giggled slightly. It might have been me, but I couldn’t be sure.

    “Many things are beautiful.”The reply came. “Places, people, feelings. Even the ones most people shun. Fear is beautiful. You know the fear you saw in your mate’s eyes? Even that was beautiful.”

    “It was not.” I replied, shivering.

    “You disliked it because of what you thought it meant; that you would never be able to see your mate again. Never be able to talk to him, touch him, lie together under the stars. You disliked it because you though it meant you could no longer love him.”

    “Inkyrius hates me now.” I protested.

    “So? If you love him, why should that matter? It never bothered me.” Another laugh.

    “You’re evil. You can’t love.” I told the necromancer. She laughed again, and this time I knew it was not my own voice, although for some reason I yearned to join in.

    “Oh, don’t confuse goodness and love. Admit it: if you could see that fear again, and the only other option was never seeing him at all, you’d take the first choice.”

    “I don’t enjoy the pain of others.” I said, but without much enthusiasm. There seemed little point in arguing.

    She laughed again, and this time I joined in. Suddenly insubstantial fingers wrapped themselves around my neck, twisted painfully in my hair, and Haerta’s voice hissed in my ear: “I know what you’re really like, elf. You can’t deny that the idea didn’t cross your mind, hasn’t occurred to you every day since. You wouldn’t have signed away your marriage so emotionlessly if you didn’t think you could take it back as soon as this was over. By force if need be.”

    “N-no.” I choked. The imagined hand on my throat made it hard to breathe, and each breath of freezing air burnt my lungs.

    “And why not?” She continued. “He’s just a baker. You? You’re a powerful master of the arcane, the laws of reality bow before you and so should he.”

    I felt that I should protest this, but I wasn’t sure I wanted to. In some ways, admitting to someone the darker thoughts my mind had begun to stray to recently would be something of a relief. Especially if that someone wouldn’t be horrified the way my other companions would be. They already believed me to be insane. “It’s... appealing.” I admitted to myself. The voice chuckled softly, and then Haerta pressed her lips to mine. I kissed back; the odd taste on her lips was intoxicating, the scent of destruction – smoke and blood and decay – clung to her robes even now. We tumbled down onto the soft sand, still locked in an embrace, hands clutching, nails cutting painfully into soft flesh. I was laughing now, laughing and screaming out of pure, unchecked exuberance and pain and-

    “V?”

    Miss Starshine was standing a few feet away, staring at me lying there in the sand. I slowly uncurled, wincing as the small cuts my nails had left in my skin began to smart. The laughter had gone, because now I was silent.

    “...Vaarsuvius?” Haley looked more than concerned. She didn’t understand.

    “My gods, what are you doing out here? I thought someone was being attacked!”

    I stared at her blankly. She couldn’t understand. She was scared of me; I could see the fear in her eyes.

    It was beautiful.
    Last edited by Zanaril; 2009-10-01 at 04:48 PM.
    This post may contain sarcasm.
    DeviantArt

  17. - Top - End - #767
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    Meg's Avatar

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings II - Brain Bleach not Supplied

    Quote Originally Posted by Trixie View Post
    Um... I was ashamed to see so many pretty avatars lately...

    So, I wanted to try, too. Here's my very first attempt at creating OotS-style avatar:

    Please don't laugh.

    Spoiler
    Show


    I wonder if you can even see who is this supposed to be.

    Anyway, constructive criticism would be welcome.
    Spliced Celia? Any way, awesome! I love it!

    EDIT:

    Quote Originally Posted by Zanaril View Post
    Here we are: Vx ...Haerta?

    Spoiler
    Show
    This was not how things were meant to happen.

    The book in front of me seemed to blur; for once in my long life, the arcane texts held no appeal. The words and sigils I had so long ago scrawled eagerly across its pages seemed diminished; a useless memento of a past life that had been mine. A life I was forced to leave behind: I snapped the book shut, and the muffled thump sounded an ultimatum in the darkness.

    My familiar - Blackwing - was asleep, nesting in my bundled up cloak in the corner of the tent, and not wishing to wake him I left the garment behind as I crawled out into the night. It was cold - the desert at night - and I wrapped my arms around myself, watching my breath mist in front of me. The stars were bright tonight – even without my superior elven vision it would have been enough to get about by. But of course, I could see even better than that; I could see the dunes stretching in every direction like a frozen sea, and for a moment I thought I could could see them churning, hear the roar of the ocean. I shook my head. This was not an ocean. By definition of being a desert it lacked water. The roar was my own blood, the sound as it coursed through my veins immense in the utter silence.

    “It’s beautiful, isn’t it?” a voice said.

    “It is.” I replied, and the idea that the voice should know what I was thinking seemed laughable. So I did, a small sound that may have only been in my head. But so was the voice so it didn’t matter.

    It is. What is? “What is?” I asked, and I wasn’t sure whether I wanted an answer. The question seemed to be amusing, because someone giggled slightly. It might have been me, but I couldn’t be sure.

    “Many things are beautiful.”The reply came. “Places, people, feelings. Even the ones most people shun. Fear is beautiful. You know the fear you saw in your mate’s eyes? Even that was beautiful.”

    “It was not.” I replied, shivering.

    “You disliked it because of what you thought it meant; that you would never be able to see your mate again. Never be able to talk to him, touch him, lie together under the stars. You disliked it because you though it meant you could no longer love him.”

    “Inkyrius hates me now.” I protested.

    “So? If you love him, why should that matter? It never bothered me.” Another laugh.

    “You’re evil. You can’t love.” I told the necromancer. She laughed again, and this time I knew it was not my own voice, although for some reason I yearned to join in.

    “Oh, don’t confuse goodness and love. Admit it: if you could see that fear again, and the only other option was never seeing him at all, you’d take the first choice.”

    “I don’t enjoy the pain of others.” I said, but without much enthusiasm. There seemed little point in arguing.

    She laughed again, and this time I joined in. Suddenly insubstantial fingers wrapped themselves around my neck, twisted painfully in my hair, and Haerta’s voice hissed in my ear: “I know what you’re really like, elf. You can’t deny that the idea didn’t cross your mind, hasn’t occurred to you every day since. You wouldn’t have signed away your marriage so emotionlessly if you didn’t think you could take it back as soon as this was over. By force if need be.”

    “N-no.” I choked. The imagined hand on my throat made it hard to breathe, and each breath of freezing air burnt my lungs.

    “And why not?” She continued. “He’s just a baker. You? You’re a powerful master of the arcane, the laws of reality bow before you and so should he.”

    I felt that I should protest this, but I wasn’t sure I wanted to. In some ways, admitting to someone the darker thoughts my mind had begun to stray to recently would be something of a relief. Especially if that someone wouldn’t be horrified the way my other companions would be. They already believed me to be insane. “It’s... appealing.” I admitted to myself. The voice chuckled softly, and then Haerta pressed her lips to mine. I kissed back; the odd taste on her lips was intoxicating, the scent of destruction – smoke and blood and decay – clung to her robes even now. We tumbled down onto the soft sand, still locked in an embrace, hands clutching, nails cutting painfully into soft flesh. I was laughing now, laughing and screaming out of pure, unchecked exuberance and pain and-

    “V?”

    Miss Starshine was standing a few feet away, staring at me lying there in the sand. I slowly uncurled, wincing as the small cuts my nails had left in my skin began to smart. The laughter had gone, because now I was silent.

    “...Vaarsuvius?” Haley looked more than concerned. She didn’t understand.

    “My gods, what are you doing out here? I thought someone was being attacked!”

    I stared at her blankly. She couldn’t understand. She was scared of me; I could see the fear in her eyes.

    It was beautiful.
    Wow... That's just... really well-written. The only thing I don't like about this thread is that everyone else is so talented, I feel like a hack.
    Last edited by Meg; 2009-10-01 at 05:17 PM.

    ...And that is how I met your father.

  18. - Top - End - #768
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    Dark Faun's Avatar

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings II - Brain Bleach not Supplied

    Then how should I feel?

    That was beautiful Zanaril.

    Good work on evil Celia too Trixie!
    Formerly known as Discord here and Maladin on avatarspirit.net.

  19. - Top - End - #769
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    Default Re: Crack Pairings II - Brain Bleach not Supplied

    Quote Originally Posted by CheeseMuncher View Post
    Out of curiosity: Is anyone on the Roy/Miko Morally Justified thread actually aware we're rivals? Or is that just a delusion caused by brain bleach overdoses?
    Actually I wasn't aware of it. Of course the only reason I've posted in that thread and not this one is that I keep suffering nervous breakdowns before I can actually post a crack pairing.
    I don't know everything merely everything of importance-Fidelias
    Avatar by the illustrious Lord Raziere

  20. - Top - End - #770
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    RedWizardGuy

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings II - Brain Bleach not Supplied

    Quote Originally Posted by Trixie View Post
    Um... I was ashamed to see so many pretty avatars lately...

    So, I wanted to try, too. Here's my very first attempt at creating OotS-style avatar:

    Please don't laugh.

    Spoiler
    Show


    I wonder if you can even see who is this supposed to be.

    Anyway, constructive criticism would be welcome.
    This is Good, very good. Great job! Also, Great work Zanaril, as expected.
    Last edited by Malkar Grumbo; 2009-10-01 at 06:08 PM.
    I Am A: Chaotic Good Human Sorcerer (3rd Level)
    Ability Scores:
    Strength- 9
    Dexterity- 11
    Constitution- 11
    Intelligence- 12
    Wisdom- 11
    Charisma- 11

  21. - Top - End - #771
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    HalflingRangerGuy

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings II - Brain Bleach not Supplied

    Quote Originally Posted by TheBibliophile View Post
    I'll help! An Epic-level elven evoker should be able to do something, right?

    Something specifically meaning Meteor Swarming CoB until he's at -10 hp.
    ...SLAY LIVING!

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    "OH MY @#$%^& GOD!" Roy Cried as he ran away from Belkar.
    "What happened Roy? Said Elan
    "You do NOT want to know!" Said Roy
    "Anyway I'm sorry about this." Said Elan
    "About what?"
    "This." *Clonk*

    "Ugh. My head..." Moaned Roy just waking up.

    He opened his eyes to see a very, very unwelcome sight. His limbs were tied (Again). He saw Elan, Belkar, and Haley. They were looking at him and each-other very strangely. Elan had a club in his hand and they were all...



    Naked!!?!!?!?!!?

    "AGGHHHH!!!" Shouted Xyhon "Not another dream!?"
    Last edited by ClericOfBelker; 2009-10-01 at 06:15 PM.
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  22. - Top - End - #772
    Dwarf in the Playground
     
    RedWizardGuy

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings II - Brain Bleach not Supplied

    Quote Originally Posted by ClericOfBelker View Post
    ...SLAY LIVING!
    Stan: Oh my god! He killed TheBibliophile!

    Kyle: You Bastard!
    Last edited by Malkar Grumbo; 2009-10-01 at 06:14 PM.
    I Am A: Chaotic Good Human Sorcerer (3rd Level)
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    Strength- 9
    Dexterity- 11
    Constitution- 11
    Intelligence- 12
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    Charisma- 11

  23. - Top - End - #773
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    HalflingRangerGuy

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings II - Brain Bleach not Supplied

    Quote Originally Posted by ClericOfBelker View Post
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    "OH MY @#$%^& GOD!" Roy Cried as he ran away from Belkar.
    "What happened Roy? Said Elan
    "You do NOT want to know!" Said Roy
    "Anyway I'm sorry about this." Said Elan
    "About what?"
    "This." *Clonk*

    "Ugh. My head..." Moaned Roy just waking up.

    He opened his eyes to see a very, very unwelcome sight. His limbs were tied (Again). He saw Elan, Belkar, and Haley. They were looking at him and each-other very strangely. Elan had a club in his hand and they were all...



    Naked!!?!!?!?!!?

    "AGGHHHH!!!" Shouted Xyhon "Not another dream!?"
    This is the sequel to the BelkarxRoy (One-sided Love)!

    Questions? Comments? Critique?

    SLAY LIVING (At Kyle and Stan)
    Last edited by ClericOfBelker; 2009-10-01 at 06:19 PM.
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  24. - Top - End - #774
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    Trixie's Avatar

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings II - Brain Bleach not Supplied

    Um, here's almost finished version:

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    What do you think?

    And where I can find one of these "crack pairing" logos?
    Come one, come all! GitP MLP Steam Group is open!
    Current location of the last MLP Thread OP, too.
    Want to ask me something? Use MAIL or message me on Steam!

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    >Click!<
    Amazing Art by Dirtytabs :P
    HW Ava © ETsofu

    "Well, the Great and Powerful Trixie can't actually transport you to Equestria... But!
    The Great and Powerful Trixie can beat you over the head until you think that's what happened!"

  25. - Top - End - #775
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    MindFlayer

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings II - Brain Bleach not Supplied



    Wow, Trixie... That's amazing! I thought spliced Celia was cool, but spliced Belkar just makes it even better! I dunno if we're allowed to have too much violence in our avatars though, so I'm not sure if the severed head of Roy on a sword is acceptable.


    And ClericofBelkar, you stole my "Xykon's Nightmares" cliche!
    Anemoia: Nostalgia for a time you've never known.

  26. - Top - End - #776
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    HalflingRangerGuy

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings II - Brain Bleach not Supplied

    Quote Originally Posted by Lycan 01 View Post
    And ClericofBelkar, you stole my "Xykon's Nightmares" cliche!
    So did lots of people!

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    ABRXHOBGOBLINSXROACHES!!!!!!
    Last edited by ClericOfBelker; 2009-10-01 at 06:53 PM.
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  27. - Top - End - #777
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    MindFlayer

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings II - Brain Bleach not Supplied

    Really?

    I feel less original now...
    Anemoia: Nostalgia for a time you've never known.

  28. - Top - End - #778
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    Lizardfolk

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings II - Brain Bleach not Supplied

    Quote Originally Posted by CheeseMuncher View Post
    Here's Roy's SwordxNale, with kidnapped as a plot device.

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    The mission had been the definition of futility. Seriously, check a recent edition of a dictionary, flip to F for futility, and there is a picture of the Linear Guild breaking into the Order Of the Stick’s tents.

    Ignoring the fact that breaking into a tent is somewhere between walking in a strait line while sober and rising from a sitting position, Nale had been quite proud of the mission, until the gods-damned halfling had walked in on the Guild pawing through the fighter’s bags.

    To make a short story shorter, they’d cut their losses and ran, taking the bags they’d been holding with them.

    Sabine’s had contained spare clothes and armor polish, things you’d expect a fighter to carry. Thog had somehow wound up with a bag of action figures, and was busy destroying their status as mint-condition by removing them from their original packaging and playing with them.

    The bag Nale had taken contained something else entirely. Roy’s sword. While Nale had absolutely no clue why any decent fighter would leave their main weapon lying unguarded in their tent, that didn’t mean it wasn’t a windfall for the Guild.

    Nale’s original plan of selling it faltered when he began to examine it, hoping to determine its rough value. Greenhilt, despite his shortcomings with not leaving his valuables lying where anyone capable of entering a tent could simply walk off with them, was a scrupulous swordsman, and the sword didn’t show any sign of wear in any way. It gleamed in the candlelight, throwing dancing silver shadows all across the room. Swallowing hard, Nale poked his head out the window. Thog was acting out something vaguely recognizable as Hamlet with the action figures, and Sabine was on an errand in the lower planes.

    Nale locked the bedroom door, and turned to where the sword lay shining on the bed, grinning as he stepped out of his pants and towards the sword.


    I'm going to be in fetal position, rocking and whimpering, if anyone needs me.
    I wouldn't want to be in Roy's shoes if/when he gets back his valuables. What's worst, your sword losing its virginity to the party bard's evil twin or your limited edition Epic Fighter Sword GuyTM being defiled and played with like a common toy?

    Quote Originally Posted by Trixie View Post
    Um... I was ashamed to see so many pretty avatars lately...

    So, I wanted to try, too. Here's my very first attempt at creating OotS-style avatar:

    Please don't laugh.

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    I wonder if you can even see who is this supposed to be.

    Anyway, constructive criticism would be welcome.
    Ridiculously good first attempt, if I may say. Celia, I presume? I never thought of her as someone who would be even remotely interested in/manipulated into getting spliced, though now we know how she would look like if it happened!
    May I ask a dumb question about her medallions and that... chalice? Are they somehow involved in her soulsplice or just there for show?

    Quote Originally Posted by Zanaril View Post
    Here we are: Vx ...Haerta?

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    This was not how things were meant to happen.

    The book in front of me seemed to blur; for once in my long life, the arcane texts held no appeal. The words and sigils I had so long ago scrawled eagerly across its pages seemed diminished; a useless memento of a past life that had been mine. A life I was forced to leave behind: I snapped the book shut, and the muffled thump sounded an ultimatum in the darkness.

    My familiar - Blackwing - was asleep, nesting in my bundled up cloak in the corner of the tent, and not wishing to wake him I left the garment behind as I crawled out into the night. It was cold - the desert at night - and I wrapped my arms around myself, watching my breath mist in front of me. The stars were bright tonight – even without my superior elven vision it would have been enough to get about by. But of course, I could see even better than that; I could see the dunes stretching in every direction like a frozen sea, and for a moment I thought I could could see them churning, hear the roar of the ocean. I shook my head. This was not an ocean. By definition of being a desert it lacked water. The roar was my own blood, the sound as it coursed through my veins immense in the utter silence.

    “It’s beautiful, isn’t it?” a voice said.

    “It is.” I replied, and the idea that the voice should know what I was thinking seemed laughable. So I did, a small sound that may have only been in my head. But so was the voice so it didn’t matter.

    It is. What is? “What is?” I asked, and I wasn’t sure whether I wanted an answer. The question seemed to be amusing, because someone giggled slightly. It might have been me, but I couldn’t be sure.

    “Many things are beautiful.”The reply came. “Places, people, feelings. Even the ones most people shun. Fear is beautiful. You know the fear you saw in your mate’s eyes? Even that was beautiful.”

    “It was not.” I replied, shivering.

    “You disliked it because of what you thought it meant; that you would never be able to see your mate again. Never be able to talk to him, touch him, lie together under the stars. You disliked it because you though it meant you could no longer love him.”

    “Inkyrius hates me now.” I protested.

    “So? If you love him, why should that matter? It never bothered me.” Another laugh.

    “You’re evil. You can’t love.” I told the necromancer. She laughed again, and this time I knew it was not my own voice, although for some reason I yearned to join in.

    “Oh, don’t confuse goodness and love. Admit it: if you could see that fear again, and the only other option was never seeing him at all, you’d take the first choice.”

    “I don’t enjoy the pain of others.” I said, but without much enthusiasm. There seemed little point in arguing.

    She laughed again, and this time I joined in. Suddenly insubstantial fingers wrapped themselves around my neck, twisted painfully in my hair, and Haerta’s voice hissed in my ear: “I know what you’re really like, elf. You can’t deny that the idea didn’t cross your mind, hasn’t occurred to you every day since. You wouldn’t have signed away your marriage so emotionlessly if you didn’t think you could take it back as soon as this was over. By force if need be.”

    “N-no.” I choked. The imagined hand on my throat made it hard to breathe, and each breath of freezing air burnt my lungs.

    “And why not?” She continued. “He’s just a baker. You? You’re a powerful master of the arcane, the laws of reality bow before you and so should he.”

    I felt that I should protest this, but I wasn’t sure I wanted to. In some ways, admitting to someone the darker thoughts my mind had begun to stray to recently would be something of a relief. Especially if that someone wouldn’t be horrified the way my other companions would be. They already believed me to be insane. “It’s... appealing.” I admitted to myself. The voice chuckled softly, and then Haerta pressed her lips to mine. I kissed back; the odd taste on her lips was intoxicating, the scent of destruction – smoke and blood and decay – clung to her robes even now. We tumbled down onto the soft sand, still locked in an embrace, hands clutching, nails cutting painfully into soft flesh. I was laughing now, laughing and screaming out of pure, unchecked exuberance and pain and-

    “V?”

    Miss Starshine was standing a few feet away, staring at me lying there in the sand. I slowly uncurled, wincing as the small cuts my nails had left in my skin began to smart. The laughter had gone, because now I was silent.

    “...Vaarsuvius?” Haley looked more than concerned. She didn’t understand.

    “My gods, what are you doing out here? I thought someone was being attacked!”

    I stared at her blankly. She couldn’t understand. She was scared of me; I could see the fear in her eyes.

    It was beautiful.
    Very beautiful, very creepy. Now I'm kind of hungering for some sort of sequel, a story about Vaarsuvius' descent into total madness would be very interesting to read.

    -------------------

    Aaand an EDIT: for being slow.

    Quote Originally Posted by Trixie View Post
    Um, here's almost finished version:

    Spoiler
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    What do you think?

    And where I can find one of these "crack pairing" logos?
    Now that's just real... ugh... Now I'm REALLY interested in the backstory for it. I mean, Belkar I could understand for getting a soulsplice and killing Roy, but Celia?! Well, I guess that this if anything qualifies for a crack pairing, with a side of "Oh sweet gods of mercy, why does my very soul cry in anguish?"
    Not that I condemn you for this, not at all.
    Hey, this just confirmed the existence of my soul, so why should I complain?
    Last edited by Jackdaw; 2009-10-01 at 07:12 PM.

  29. - Top - End - #779
    Dwarf in the Playground
     
    HalflingRangerGuy

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings II - Brain Bleach not Supplied

    Quote Originally Posted by Lycan 01 View Post
    Really?

    I feel less original now...
    You did it 1st though! *Cheers Up*
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  30. - Top - End - #780
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    Thor Person Guy's Avatar

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings II - Brain Bleach not Supplied

    Quote Originally Posted by Trixie View Post
    And where I can find one of these "crack pairing" logos?
    They're in the OP, under "Banners!"
    Avatar by Zanaril

    ...I feel ignored.

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