Crack Pairings II - Brain Bleach not Supplied

[The Dark Fiddler]

How 'bout Durkon and the trees from episode #345?

I can see it now.

: Och, lass, tha' wa' wonderfu'... Wait... ye be a tree!!*
Tree: ...

...someone write this!

*Failed attempt at accent. This be why I don't write Durkon.

[CoffeeIncluded]

Yay! Good job everyone!

...I've had a very rough day today. One of those "Grab-a-mug-of-hot-chocolate-curl-up-under-the-covers-and-stay-there-for-a-few-years" days. Thanks for helping me feel better.

[The Dark Fiddler]

Yay! Good job everyone!

...I've had a very rough day today. One of those "Grab-a-mug-of-hot-chocolate-curl-up-under-the-covers-and-stay-there-for-a-few-years" days. Thanks for helping me feel better.

You sound like you need a hug.

Do you want a hug?

[Meg]

You sound like you need a hug.

Do you want a hug?

I second the hug.

[Water-Smurf]

Secret Service position is now retired. Finally!

Great work Water-Smurf.

*throws away bullet-proof glass* Thanks for protecting me, Silverraptor. I live to write another day.

That's what bunnies tend to do. Not unlike characters in crack pairings...

*giggles childishly* I think I have an idea about the next stories I want to write with these two. And I've found a theme in my titles. Who would have guessed?

*sniffle*

I didn't know that I could inspire emotion!

I'm sure there's a quote somewhere about how the more we have to do, the more we get done.

So true.

[Snip]

Thank you. ^.^

EDIT: Incidentally, I'd be happy to beta OOTS stories on FF.net, but I have no idea how the beta-reading system works.

Saeyan was kind enough to beta the one OOTS story that needed it so far (I should probably work on the edits, come to think of it...), but I'll keep you in mind if I have another one that I'm not comfortable shooting into the public eye.

I second the hug.

Thirded. (Is that a word?)

You want to talk about it, CoffeeIncluded?

[Kaytara]

*likewise hugs CoffeeIncluded and brings her two extra fuzzy guinea pigs as reinforcements*

Water-Smurf, a very nice epilogue there. I was somewhat surprised that Xykon's "talk" with Redcloak was left out, but I guess that could help set the scene for whatever sequel you're planning...

V and Durkon are cute. V confessing to Durkon was cute. Now I feel like writing the last part of my Durkon x V fic again. Thanks! :D

I also would have liked seeing V interact directly with the other Order members after all this (in particular, Belkar. "So, Ears, did you really do the dirty with the goblin?"), but I like that you left it out. It would have fit the pace. I'd really like to see it anyway, perhaps as a drabble or one-shot. Maybe a multi-perspective short fic dealing with the immediate repercussions? V and Roy, V and Belkar, Redcloak and Xykon, Redcloak and Tsukiko...*nudge nudge* :D

Anyway, really looking forward to seeing more from you.

[Lycan 01]

*walks into thread wearing a hazmat suit*

Hi folks. What all have I missed? My wrist is finally feeling better - for the most part, at least. I sprained it two weeks ago, and I can finally type with two hands again without it hurting quite a bit.

At any rate, what have I missed? Besides 20+ pages of crack fics that I will NEVER be able to sort through?


Edit: *reads this page.*

I'll also offer my hug services if they're needed.

[The Dark Fiddler]

*likewise hugs CoffeeIncluded and brings her two extra fuzzy guinea pigs as reinforcements*

Why didn't I think of that?

[CoffeeIncluded]

Aww, thanks guys...

Long story short, I did badly on two very important tests in the two subjects I am struggling with (Physics and Latin), even though I spent all weekend studying. And I have another test tomorrow. And my mind is all I've got.

Seriously. If I were a DnD character, I'd have an Intelligence stat of 17 or 18, my Wisdom would be around 14-15, and everything else would be a dump stat. I'm known for my intelligence and if I can't do well in school, if I lose that...Add in the fact that I have the emotional stability and security of loose gravel...

Thanks guys. *Returns hugs*

[Lycan 01]

Hey, don't get too down... Just because you think you did badly doesn't mean you actually did. Some of the best grades I get are on tests I think I did horribly wrong... Sadly, the reverse is also true.

But you've still got the rest of the semester to pull it up, too. Even if you mess up one test, you've still got homework, quizes, and other tests to balance it out. And maybe there'll be an extra credit assignment!


My highest stats would be Intelligence and Charisma. I think Wis, Con, and Str were my dump stats...

[CoffeeIncluded]

Oh no, I got the grades back. My grades this quarter in those two classes are unsalvageable...

[The Dark Fiddler]

Don't worry, everyone bombs things at times.

I've bombed tests in my BEST subject at times... and although most people would still love the grade I got in Spanish last year, I thought it was horrible, being my favorite and best class.

It happens, and it'll work out in the end. I'm sure they aren't completely unsalvageable, just ask for extra credit if it's that bad.

And if you ever need more hugs, I, and I'm sure everyone else, is/are here for you.

[Lycan 01]

Are you in High School or College? If High School, beg for extra credit and/or be the teachers pet. If in college, DROP THE CLASS WILL THERE'S STILL TIME!!


*gives you another hug, since he probably isn't helping otherwise*

[CoffeeIncluded]

Are you in High School or College? If High School, beg for extra credit and/or be the teachers pet. If in college, DROP THE CLASS WILL THERE'S STILL TIME!!


*gives you another hug, since he probably isn't helping otherwise*

1. High School, the worst year possible.
2. The teachers giving out extra credit?! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHANO.
*Returns hugs again* Thanks guys.

To bring back the funny, I *do* have another plot bunny which I'll either post later tonight or tomorrow, but I need to know one thing first: How many years before the events of the comic was Lirian's Gate destroyed?

[Silverraptor]

Lycan: Welcome back! And on the previous page is my rehabilitated attempt to start crack pairings again.

CoffeeIncluded: If it makes you feel better, I got 2 bad mit-term grades. *Gives hug*

[Kaytara]

How many years before the events of the comic was Lirian's Gate destroyed?

27 years before the start of the comic.

[Monzach]

Hi guys and gals. I've been lurking around the thread again (much in the same way as The Red October after the scene at "Thor's Twins" - don't worry if you don't get the reference, but if you did, pat yourself on the back for being as big a nerd as I). Decided to do another post as a means of further procrastination from my real work. Before we get, ahem, Cracking (tee-hee), I'd like to contribute to the whole "If I were a DnD character" (sung to the tune of that song from Fiddler on the Roof) by saying that my Int would be reasonably over-buffed (full 18 initially, with a couple of points added for good measure ), with a good-ish Wis and Con, a passable Dex and almost-abysmal Str and Cha. So, yeah, those years in the swimteam haven't rubbed off.

Anyways, here's my take on Gender-Flipped Redcloak + Jirix

Spoiler

Show

Redcloak was most definetily not amused. Her thoughts on his undead employer were approaching homicidal. Well, re-homicidal. Or whatever you do to liches. Xykon should have known better than to first craft a Ring of Masculinity/Femininity and then give it to Redcloak as a "gift". But had the lich even apologized? Well...given his conduct after even worse atrocities, the answer should be obvious. So now Redcloak now sported some rather drastic changes in her anatomy. Speficially two largish additions and a pretty noticable removal.

So Redcloak now had to go to her chambers, in order to research some kind of a way to get the Ring off her finger. Perhaps not the most amusing way to spend his next few days, but it was definetily preferable to the advances that she had had to endure from the hobgoblins nominally under his command. She knew she could never forget the wolfwhistles from every trooper she had passed. Well, not exactly every trooper, there had been the one hobgoblin who enjoyed hairdressing and designing clothes... But, still, it was quite enough to drive any cleric to hermithood. So Redcloak trudged on, towards his room. Suddenly, she heard a voice shout "Supreme leader!" behind him. She turned slowly and prepared for the inevitable tirade of lecherous comments about her new shape, but it was no common hobgoblin soldier who had called, but the undercleric Jirix. "Supreme leader, I heard of the catastrophe!", Jirix said. "If you allow, I'd like to come and help you with your research." Redcloak was suddenly overcome with gratitude towards Jirix. "Thanks, it would really help to have two pairs of eyes reading the scrolls" "Well, that's what I do, gorgeous...er, I mean, Supreme Leader" replied Jirix, blushing.

So, Redcloak and Jirix walked to Redcloak's chambers. They sat down at the desk, and started reading the erudite tomes of Redcloak's library. Eventually, they had to take a pause to drink some Green Goblin brand spirits and eat some ethnic foodstuffs. As they enjoyed their meal, Redcloak felt an odd sensation in his midsection. Something she had never felt before. Odd, really, seeing as he was quite an old goblin now. Unless of course...it had something to do with the recently changed pieces of her anatomy... Suddenly Redcloak felt an almost irresistible urge to kiss Jirix. Damn, he thought, this will be awkward. Redcloak whispered to her assistant "Um...this might seem odd to you, but would you mind terribly if I kissed you?" Jirix looked very surprised. "Yeah, I guess it does" Redcloak sighed. "I guess you have to leave now." Jirix just stared at her. Then he leaned forward and planted his lips on Redcloaks soft mouth...

Any thoughts?

[Dark Faun]

Very cute and funny. You wrote "his" instead of "her" a couple of times, but it's an understandable mistake considering what's going on. I liked "gorgeous...er, I mean, Supreme Leader."

@ CheeseMuncher: cute and funny too. I'll admit I actually expected Redcloak to respond with a Disintegrate... I liked the narration about the "surprise guy" too.

@ Silverraptor: "Triple! I did mention there was a pencil involved!" I can't help but think Julia won't be only smooth talking to the teachers though...

@ Water-Smurf: I really like your narration. I'll confess I actually don't particularly like Redcloak x Vaarsuvius, but your story was very well written nonetheless. Granted, I didn't exactly understand how or why V and Reddie fell in love with each other, but I don't exactly know how Miko and V would fall in love either.

@ CoffeeIncluded: hope you'll get better.

[Zanaril]

@ Water-Smurf: I really like your narration. I'll confess I actually don't particularly like Redcloak x Vaarsuvius, but your story was very well written nonetheless. Granted, I didn't exactly understand how or why V and Reddie fell in love with each other, but I don't exactly know how Miko and V would fall in love either.

They're both intelligent anti-heroes who get kicked around by karma. They both have had to sacrifice family for what the perceieve to be the 'greater good', and they both get annoyed at their so-called allies quite often.

They're both lonely.

[Water-Smurf]

Water-Smurf, a very nice epilogue there. I was somewhat surprised that Xykon's "talk" with Redcloak was left out, but I guess that could help set the scene for whatever sequel you're planning...

Thank you. ^.^

I'm not quite sure how to deal with the 'talk' (does that sound dirty or is that just me?) or if I should at all. It's probably going to involve a lot of beating up, and I'm not sure how good I am at those scenes.

V and Durkon are cute. V confessing to Durkon was cute. Now I feel like writing the last part of my Durkon x V fic again. Thanks! :D

*grins and sits in wait for update*

I also would have liked seeing V interact directly with the other Order members after all this (in particular, Belkar. "So, Ears, did you really do the dirty with the goblin?"), but I like that you left it out. It would have fit the pace. I'd really like to see it anyway, perhaps as a drabble or one-shot. Maybe a multi-perspective short fic dealing with the immediate repercussions? V and Roy, V and Belkar, Redcloak and Xykon, Redcloak and Tsukiko...*nudge nudge* :D

I'm probably going to tackle it, but I somehow see Durkon stopping Elan and Belkar (Belkar especially) and giving them a stern talk about not going on at length about the things they heard and question Vaarsuvius too hard. They think that Xykon was just making stuff up on the spot to screw with their heads and just persisted with the things that made them react, and Durkon thinks that Vaarsuvius was raped or somehow violated because of all the weird innuendo about Reddy and V. I see him as the type to just make it clear that he wants them to be careful about questions like that without telling them why.

Not sure whether or not Belkar and Elan would get the hint, though.

Granted, I didn't exactly understand how or why V and Reddie fell in love with each other, but I don't exactly know how Miko and V would fall in love either.

Why do you think I also ship Vaarsuvius/Belkar? Some people need conflict to love each other. One particular couple I know: they always argue about the silliest things, make fun of each other viciously, and rarely show affection in public. And yet they have been together for nearly thirty years, have two kids together, and get completely depressed if they're apart for too long. When I ask them why, they just say that the arguments make it fun.

It makes no sense, but I works for some people. I think V seems like the type who needs conflict to keep the passion in love moving, and that's part of the reason that hir relationship with Kyrie faded.

They're both intelligent anti-heroes who get kicked around by karma. They both have had to sacrifice family for what the perceieve to be the 'greater good', and they both get annoyed at their so-called allies quite often.

They're both lonely.

And they're both intellectuals who scorn those who aren't as intelligent as them and they're both extremely proud, etc.

They have a lot more in common than they think, and not just the silly little 'OMG We both love the same band! :D' similarities that you see in a lot of short-lived teenage relationships. These are things that run deep and that they'll carry for the rest of their lives (you don't exactly forget killing your brother and abandoning your spouse and children). Those are the kinds of things that people bond over, even if they don't know they have it in common.

[Zanaril]

I'm not quite sure how to deal with the 'talk' (does that sound dirty or is that just me?)

This thread sullies everything it touches.

[Aaron]

1. High School, the worst year possible.
2. The teachers giving out extra credit?! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHANO.
*Returns hugs again* Thanks guys.

Don't fell too bad. Collage is even worse! I should know, I'm a High School Senior right now. It's my last year of "freedom," before I enter the "real" world. *hugs CoffeeIncluded and joins the hug club*

[Asta Kask]

Seriously. If I were a DnD character, I'd have an Intelligence stat of 17 or 18, my Wisdom would be around 14-15, and everything else would be a dump stat. I'm known for my intelligence and if I can't do well in school, if I lose that...Add in the fact that I have the emotional stability and security of loose gravel...

*hugs and brings a black cat*

I spent two years in educational limbo because I failed an exam - six times. But in the end (and after they changed the person who graded the exams) I passed. I am now on my way to a job! Yay!

We all roll a natural '1' from time to time. Sometimes even two times in a row. What's important is not to never fall, it is to always get up again (I'm starting to sound like a Chinese fortune cookie). You'll do better next time.

*cat eats guinea pigs*

Ooops...

[Dark Faun]

Zanaril and Water-Smurf: that's why I don't write stories about people falling in love; I have zero rank in Knowledge: Romance. I'll never write a fanfiction where Vaarsuvius and Miko (or Haley) fall in love simply because I can't. :(

And we all roll ones from times to times indeed.

[CoffeeIncluded]

Thanks guys. I feel a bit better.

It's funny, but during swim team practice I tend to get *lots* of ideas for the crack pairings. Probably because it helps clear my mind.

In any case, Shojo/Aarindarius. This one isn't as light-hearted as the others, unfortunately...START OF DARKNESS SPOILERS!

(Guess who the three kids are!)

Spoiler

Show

"Vaarsuvius, I have been called to Azure City for an important engagement. I believe I can trust you to watch the place for a few days?"

Vaarsuvius looked at Aarindarius and smiled. "That shouldn't be an issue. If I may ask, what is so important that you are called all the way to Azure City?"

"It's...Complicated. I am sworn to secrecy on the matter as well. However, I promise you that if you should ever get involved in this (Which I sincerely hope you don't), I will disclose everything."

Vaarsuvius sighed. "...I understand, and I trust your judgement."

Aarindarius smiled. "Then I will see you in a few days. Greater Teleport!" He vanished with a pop.
===
Landing at the docks in Azure City, Aarindarius looked at the Sending that was...Sent to him a few days before.

Aarindarius: Concerning Lirian's Gate. Utmost importance, potential emergency. Come to Azure City on solstice. Paladins will escort you to castle. Food, board provided. Lord Shojo.

He looked at the docks, and the children playing around them. Two young children struck him in particular; a boy and a girl, no more than five or six years old. The boy had a mop of blue hair, the girl's blue hair was tied back in a ponytail. Their clothes were baggy, worn and patched in places. They appeared to spend more time on the streets than off them. The girl threw what appeared to be a bag of rocks at the boy, hitting him in the back of the head. Aarindarius ran forward, ready to administer aid when the boy got up grinning.

"Oysters? You threw a bag of oysters at me?!"

"Well, it would have been a squid, but my parents sold them all earlier today!"

Aarindarius laughed to himself. He always loved kids. He walked through the streets, past a monastery, looking for the two paladins who would escort him to the castle. A young girl, about the same age as the other two children, but with black hair, was sitting outside the monastery, writing something in the dirt. The monastery bell rang and she ran inside. When Arrindarius turned back to the street in front of him, he noticed two young women walking towards him, clad in the blue armor of the Sapphire Guard. The shorter one approached and spoke to him first. "You are...Aarindarius, the elven wizard?"

"Yes."

She smiled and shook his hand. "I'm Jiang-Fan and this is my friend Cheska. We're the newest paladins of the Sapphire Guard and we've been selected to escort you to the castle. Come on." The two paladins strode through the streets, Aarindarius, following them.
===
Jiang-Fan and Cheska delivered Aarindarius to Shojo's throne room. They bowed to him and stepped back.

"Jiang-Fan. Cheska. Thank you. You are dismissed." The two left. Shojo stepped down from his throne and approached Aarindarius. He also noticed that a young child was in the room.

"...Lord Shojo, if I may, I think the child should leave as well."

"But that is Hinjo, my nephew and the heir presumptive. Even if he is only seven, he should be privy to these royal meetings, so he may one day learn to conduct them himself."

"...That may be, but I bring very bad news. I do not wish to terrify him."

"...Hinjo, go outside and play with the other children." Hinjo smiled and ran outside. Shojo looked at Aarindarius and began, "I summoned you because of your relationship with Lirian. She considered you a close confidant and friend. As you know, a few weeks ago, she vanished. There was a huge forest fire and her gate was destroyed. It is possible that it was a freak accident, yet we cannot rule out the possibility of something more sinister."

Aarindarius looked at Shojo. "I agree. I have tried scrying, Sending, even Plane Shifting over to the Neutral Good afterlife, yet she is nowhere to be found. As I see it, there are three possibilities as to what could have happened. The first one is out best-case scenario. There was a huge forest fire, whether by accident or design, and it destroyed the gate. Lirian managed to escape with her life and sought sanctuary. If this is the case, then she is most likely with Dorukan in Redmountain, considering their relationship and his preference for protective abjuration spells."

"But then there's the problem of contact."

He nodded, pleased to see that Shojo's mind was still sharp as ever. "Exactly. If this is the case, then she should have contacted me, or any of us, in some manner by now. The fact that she cannot be contacted leads us to the second theory: She died in that fire."

Shojo bowed his head in respect. Aarindarius did as well. The silence hung for a moment before Shojo asked, "But wait...If Lirian did perish in the fire, then..."

"Exactly. I should have been able to contact her when I Plane Shifted over to the afterlife. Which leads me to my final theory, the most likely and unfortunately the worst-case scenario," Aarindarius's eyes hardened as he continued. "That fire was no accident. Lirian was attacked. Something found out about the gates and planned to exploit them for their own nefarious purposes. Lirian fought to her dying breath, possibly setting the fire herself in a last-ditch attempt to destroy the gate rather than letting it fall into evil hands. But, even with the fire, a high-level sorcerer or wizard must have survived...Because if we can't contact her at all, then her soul has likely been bound."

The silence hung. Their eyes reflected each others' horror. Eventually Shojo managed to breathe, "...Twelve Gods."

"...Exactly...I think it is best that we discuss this further after dinner."
===
Even with the unbelievably lavish fare, the dinner was quiet and subdued. Both Shojo and Aarindarius sat quiet in contemplative thought. Afterwards Aarindarius met Shojo in a drawing-room. Shojo spoke first. "Where do you think they will strike next?"

"...I do not know. Most likely someplace isolated, away from cities and major trading routes. I do not think Azure City will be the next target."

Shojo breathed a sigh of relief. "And yet we must prepare for that day...I am not a young man anymore. I see the future in my nephew, Hinjo. Can you believe I am starting to grow grey? In thirty years, I will likely not be here anymore. I do not wish for my nephew to inherit such a danger..."

"Neither do I. I am no longer young, either. Look," Aarindarius said as he pulled back his hair. Shojo peered closer. The elf's light pink hair was now streaked here and there with gray. "Remember the last time we met? Only a few years ago? Look what has happened since then."

"We must always plan for tomorrow."

"And yet we must live for today."

"...Aarindarius..." Shojo stepped forward and put a hand on his shoulder.

"Dari, if you would. For people...Close to me." He looked at Shojo.

"Dari...I've missed you." Shojo pulled Aarindarius to his mouth with surprising strength for a man of almost fifty, and kissed him fiercely. Aarindarius returned the gesture with equal force. Shojo pulled the elf to him and motioned to his bedchamber...
===
"...I've missed that."

"Same here."

"No, I mean I've really missed that. You don't exactly get a lot of privacy once you become Lord of Azure City."

Aarindarius sat up in the bed and looked at Shojo. "I've been thinking. Why not increase the membership of the Sapphire Guard?"

"...That would be a good idea. Remember Jiang-Fan and Cheska? They're the newest recruits this year, but they're the only recruits this year."

"Why not recruit from other places?"

Shojo smiled. "Yes. You're right...Who says that poor children of the streets do not know the meaning of honor? I would say they have more honor than the nobles who disparage them! I can see it now, a new Sapphire Guard, one which does not discriminate based on class. Even a ditch-digger could become a paladin, if they were virtuous enough. A new Sapphire guard, with people who do not forsake their youth, instead using it to make themselves stronger. With people who will stand strong and endure against impossible odds. With people who will strive to see that justice is always delivered, even if it will lead to their own doom." Shojo smiled at Aarindarius again. "Why don't you stay here? Us, together."

Aarindarius looked down. "Believe me, I would want nothing more. But I have to go back. For one thing, a student of mine has promised to watch the house for the time I am here...This student has also just gotten married."

"Ah. I see."

"So I think it is in my best interest to return before they try going at it in every room of the house."

"...May the Twelve Gods bless you." He kissed Aarindarius again; the two curled up next to each other before falling asleep/atrance.
===
When Aarindarius returned home, he was somewhat surprised. Instead of a long inquiry from Vaarsuvius about the nature of his trip, instead Aarindarius received from Vaarsuvius a long angry tirade demanding to know why he had placed numerous protective enchantments on his rosebushes, scented candles, bottles of elven wine, and his very large, very comfortable, four-poster canopy bed.

...What do you guys think?

[Kyronea]

Thanks guys. I feel a bit better.

It's funny, but during swim team practice I tend to get *lots* of ideas for the crack pairings. Probably because it helps clear my mind.

In any case, Shojo/Aarindarius. This one isn't as light-hearted as the others, unfortunately...START OF DARKNESS SPOILERS!

(Guess who the three kids are!)

Spoiler

Show

"Vaarsuvius, I have been called to Azure City for an important engagement. I believe I can trust you to watch the place for a few days?"

Vaarsuvius looked at Aarindarius and smiled. "That shouldn't be an issue. If I may ask, what is so important that you are called all the way to Azure City?"

"It's...Complicated. I am sworn to secrecy on the matter as well. However, I promise you that if you should ever get involved in this (Which I sincerely hope you don't), I will disclose everything."

Vaarsuvius sighed. "...I understand, and I trust your judgement."

Aarindarius smiled. "Then I will see you in a few days. Greater Teleport!" He vanished with a pop.
===
Landing at the docks in Azure City, Aarindarius looked at the Sending that was...Sent to him a few days before.

Aarindarius: Concerning Lirian's Gate. Utmost importance, potential emergency. Come to Azure City on solstice. Paladins will escort you to castle. Food, board provided. Lord Shojo.

He looked at the docks, and the children playing around them. Two young children struck him in particular; a boy and a girl, no older than five. The boy had a mop of blue hair, the girl's blue hair was tied back in a ponytail. Their clothes were baggy, worn and patched in places. They appeared to spend more time on the streets than off them. The girl threw what appeared to be a bag of rocks at the boy, hitting him in the back of the head. Aarindarius ran forward, ready to administer aid when the boy got up grinning.

"Oysters? You threw a bag of oysters at me?!"

"Well, it would have been a squid, but my parents sold them all earlier today!"

Aarindarius laughed to himself. He always loved kids. He walked through the streets, past a monastery, looking for the two paladins who would escort him to the castle. A young girl, about the same age as the other two children, but with black hair, was sitting outside the monastery, writing something in the dirt. The monastery bell rang and she ran inside. When Arrindarius turned back to the street in front of him, he noticed two young women walking towards him, clad in the blue armor of the Sapphire Guard. The shorter one approached and spoke to him first. "You are...Aarindarius, the elven wizard?"

"Yes."

She smiled and shook his hand. "I'm Jiang-Fan and this is my friend Cheska. We're the newest paladins of the Sapphire Guard and we've been selected to escort you to the castle. Come on." The two paladins strode through the streets, Aarindarius, following them.
===
Jiang-Fan and Cheska delivered Aarindarius to Shojo's throne room. They bowed to him and stepped back.

"Jiang-Fan. Cheska. Thank you. You are dismissed." The two left. Shojo stepped down from his throne and approached Aarindarius. He also noticed that a young child was in the room.

"...Lord Shojo, if I may, I think the child should leave as well."

"But that is Hinjo, my nephew and the heir presumptive. Even if he is only seven, he should be privy to these royal meetings, so he may one day learn to conduct them himself."

"...That may be, but I bring very bad news. I do not wish to terrify him."

"...Hinjo, go outside and play with the other children." Hinjo smiled and ran outside. Shojo looked at Aarindarius and began, "I summoned you because of your relationship with Lirian. She considered you a close confidant and friend. As you know, a few weeks ago, she vanished. There was a huge forest fire and her gate was destroyed. It is possible that it was a freak accident, yet we cannot rule out the possibility of something more sinister."

Aarindarius looked at Shojo. "I agree. I have tried scrying, Sending, even Plane Shifting over to the Neutral Good afterlife, yet she is nowhere to be found. As I see it, there are three possibilities as to what could have happened. The first one is out best-case scenario. There was a huge forest fire, whether by accident or design, and it destroyed the gate. Lirian managed to escape with her life and sought sanctuary. If this is the case, then she is most likely with Dorukan in Redmountain, considering their relationship and his preference for protective abjuration spells."

"But then there's the problem of contact."

He nodded, pleased to see that Shojo's mind was still sharp as ever. "Exactly. If this is the case, then she should have contacted me, or any of us, in some manner by now. The fact that she cannot be contacted leads us to the second theory: She died in that fire."

Shojo bowed his head in respect. Aarindarius did as well. The silence hung for a moment before Shojo asked, "But wait...If Lirian did perish in the fire, then..."

"Exactly. I should have been able to contact her when I Plane Shifted over to the afterlife. Which leads me to my final theory, the most likely and unfortunately the worst-case scenario," Aarindarius's eyes hardened as he continued. "That fire was no accident. Lirian was attacked. Something found out about the gates and planned to exploit them for their own nefarious purposes. Lirian fought to her dying breath, possibly setting the fire herself in a last-ditch attempt to destroy the gate rather than letting it fall into evil hands. But, even with the fire, a high-level sorcerer or wizard must have survived...Because if we can't contact her at all, then her soul has likely been bound."

The silence hung. Their eyes reflected each others' horror. Eventually Shojo managed to breathe, "...Twelve Gods."

"...Exactly...I think it is best that we discuss this further after dinner."
===
Even with the unbelievably lavish fare, the dinner was quiet and subdued. Both Shojo and Aarindarius sat quiet in contemplative thought. Afterwards Aarindarius met Shojo in a drawing-room. Shojo spoke first. "Where do you think they will strike next?"

"...I do not know. Most likely someplace isolated, away from cities and major trading routes. I do not think Azure City will be the next target."

Shojo breathed a sigh of relief. "And yet we must prepare for that day...I am not a young man anymore. I see the future in my nephew, Hinjo. Can you believe I am starting to grow grey? In thirty years, I will likely not be here anymore. I do not wish for my nephew to inherit such a danger..."

"Neither do I. I am no longer young, either. Look," Aarindarius said as he pulled back his hair. Shojo peered closer. The elf's light pink hair was now streaked here and there with gray. "Remember the last time we met? Only a few years ago? Look what has happened since then."

"We must always plan for tomorrow."

"And yet we must live for today."

"...Aarindarius..." Shojo stepped forward and put a hand on his shoulder.

"Dari, if you would. For people...Close to me." He looked at Shojo.

"Dari...I've missed you." Shojo pulled Aarindarius to his mouth with surprising strength for a man of almost fifty, and kissed him fiercely. Aarindarius returned the gesture with equal force. Shojo pulled the elf to him and motioned to his bedchamber...
===
"...I've missed that."

"Same here."

"No, I mean I've really missed that. You don't exactly get a lot of privacy once you become Lord of Azure City."

Aarindarius sat up in the bed and looked at Shojo. "I've been thinking. Why not increase the membership of the Sapphire Guard?"

"...That would be a good idea. Remember Jiang-Fan and Cheska? They're the newest recruits this year, but they're the only recruits this year."

"Why not recruit from other places?"

Shojo smiled. "Yes. You're right...Who says that poor children of the streets do not know the meaning of honor? I would say they have more honor than the nobles who disparage them! I can see it now, a new Sapphire Guard, one which does not discriminate based on class. Even a ditch-digger could become a paladin, if they were virtuous enough. A new Sapphire guard, with people who do not forsake their youth, instead using it to make themselves stronger. With people who will stand strong and endure against impossible odds. With people who will strive to see that justice is always delivered, even if it will lead to their own doom." Shojo smiled at Aarindarius again. "Why don't you stay here? Us, together."

Aarindarius looked down. "Believe me, I would want nothing more. But I have to go back. For one thing, a student of mine has promised to watch the house for the time I am here...This student has also just gotten married."

"Ah. I see."

"So I think it is in my best interest to return before they try going at it in every room of the house."

"...May the Twelve Gods bless you." He kissed Aarindarius again; the two curled up next to each other before falling asleep/atrance.
===
When Aarindarius returned home, he was somewhat surprised. Instead of a long inquiry from Vaarsuvius about the nature of his trip, instead Aarindarius received from Vaarsuvius a long angry tirade demanding to know why he had placed numerous protective enchantments on his rosebushes, scented candles, bottles of elven wine, and his very large, very comfortable, four-poster canopy bed.

...What do you guys think?

I think that was pretty awesome. The only thing I'd recommend is to work on your dialogue a bit more, to make it more natural sounding. (Mind, that comes with practice, and you're already a lot better than I am at it, so it'll come quickly. Just keep it in mind as you practice more writing and it'll all work out okay.)

Other than that, I enjoyed it quite a bit. Found the notion of Dari's(thank you, by the way, for the shorter name) protective charms all over his stuff rather amusing too, though I'd have done it too in his shoes.

[CoffeeIncluded]

Thanks. Yeah, I'm working on it.

Ooh, do you know who the three kids in the beginning of the story are?

[Water-Smurf]

Zanaril and Water-Smurf: that's why I don't write stories about people falling in love; I have zero rank in Knowledge: Romance. I'll never write a fanfiction where Vaarsuvius and Miko (or Haley) fall in love simply because I can't. :(

I didn't think I could either, but it turns out that it's more simple than one would think. You just try to figure out the dynamics of the relationship and go for it. (It helps if you pull from your own experience/preferences as well--I seem to prefer relationships with at least a little tension so I know that both me and my significant other are still individuals.)

That being said, I have a little oneshot already. This isn't the start of my next story and I didn't put as much effort as usual into the quality, but think of it as the candy hotels give you before they cook up dinner. I may be serving up more 'candies,' but for now, this was something that kept my juices flowing.

I think that I'll call it Icelus (pronounced eye-kel-O-s, I think). If you take note of the title I gave my last story, you'll notice that I'm fond of theme naming.

Spoiler

Show

Vaarsuvius watched in fascination as a female elf started climbing a tree, jumping from branch to branch as though she had been born there. The child lightly bit a tiny knuckle. Vaarsuvius hoped that Parent wouldn’t try to get her child to climb like that.

“You’re going to fall!”

Other Parent laughed up at the tree, blue hair getting tangled in the wind and his hands firm on the rough bark, eyes twinkling. Parent looked down, face bright, purple hair falling down to her chest. “Have I ever fallen?”

“It would be a shame if you did! I love you!”

Vaarsuvius cocked a tiny head, rocking a little back and forth. Most parents wouldn’t allow their twenty-seven-year-old child be without supervision, but Parent and Other Parent didn’t seem too concerned. Vaarsuvius was much too fascinated by their interaction. So warm. And the declarations of love—what was love?

“I love you too!”

Parent let out a joyful trill, sounding more like a morning bird than anything. “I’ll shout it for all the woods to hear: I love you!”

She jumped out of the tree like a squirrel and was caught in Other Parent’s arms, spinning around and laughing. They touched lips, hair falling over their faces and eyes closed.

Vaarsuvius felt oddly repelled by the display.

“Parent, what is love?”

Parent and Other Parent parted, turning sparkling eyes and smiling faces to Vaarsuvius, and the child almost felt badly about breaking up their gratuitous show of affection that would have inevitably devolved into whatever they did when they had their clothes off when they forgot that their child was present again.

Almost.

“Oh, the most beautiful thing in the world!” Parent spun from Other Parent’s arms, picking up Vaarsuvius with a flourish and kissing her child’s forehead. “It’s what makes life worth living, Suvie!”

“It’s what makes you crazy for an elf.” Other Parent grinned and nuzzled Parent’s ear, eliciting a shiver and a delighted cry that made Vaarsuvius’s skin crawl ever so slightly. Maybe this was what was needed to remind the child why Aarindarius’s tower was always so much more attractive than home.

“It’s what makes your heart leap and your life seem rosy!”

“It’s what makes you yearn to be with someone!”

“It’s what makes you ache for them!”

“It’s what makes you tear apart the universe just to see your beloved smile!”

“It’s what makes your chest burst at the thought of your lover!”

It was apparently also the thing that made you incredibly cheesy and air-headed. Vaarsuvius scowled when Parent and Other Parent started touching lips again and prayed quietly that they would keep their clothes on this time.

Vaarsuvius kissed Inkyrius softly, warmth glowing gently within. The green-haired elf smiled, eyes half-lidded, and leaned forward, lightly brushing lips against pointed ears. “I love you, Suvie.”

“I love you too, Kyrie.”

They laced their fingers together gently, leaning against the tree outside of their cottage, a warm breeze playing lightly with their hair. Vaarsuvius looked up, squinting a little against the light. “Beloved, I must hurry to my study. I have been working on a certain spell, and I think I have nearly finished translating it from Archaic Elven…”

“Go ahead.”

Vaarsuvius didn’t hear the disappointment in the baker’s voice.

Fire practically crackled between them, making the elf’s face flush and making the goblin’s eyes glow brighter. “Vaarsuvius, why won’t you give me something to work with? Give me their names and I won’t need to hurt you for a while.”

“I refuse to betray my friends!”

“Well we all need to do things we don’t want to do.”

Vaarsuvius turned away in disgust, eyes burning. “I will not compromise on this matter. Do what you will. You have claws; use them.”

There was a quiet, a beat where the atmosphere sharpened, then gently smoothed, allowing for the harshness to filter out. “You know I won’t, Vaarsuvius.”

A scaled hand touched the elf’s, clasping it. Vaarsuvius didn’t try to pull away. “If the time I’ve spent with you has taught me anything, it’s that you don’t crumble under torture before I let my soft side get the better of me.”

“You? A soft side?”

But the anger was ebbing away, slowly but surely.

“I have a bigger soft side than you, and I’m supposed to be the Lawful Evil one here.” Redcloak smiled ruefully, lightly wrapping his arms around the elf’s abdomen. Vaarsuvius permitted the contact, ears twitching lightly with residual anger.

“I won’t betray them.”

“I know.”

“Then why do you keep asking me to?”

“I don’t expect you to give me a real answer, but it’s my job to try to get you to.”

Vaarsuvius relaxed, slowly leaning against Redcloak’s chest, resting a light head on the goblin’s shoulder. “I am only letting you off this time because the most you have done for a while is ask the questions, get insistent, and give up.”

“I learned that violence doesn’t do much for you a long time ago, Vaarsuvius.” Redcloak smiled, lightly stroking the elf’s cheek. “I don’t enjoy hurting you, so I won’t do it if it won’t help. Besides, I could be as violent as I want—you’ll always be the one in control.”

“Where does that logic stem from?”

“Don’t try that with me. You know as well as I do.” Redcloak nuzzled his partner’s neck affectionately, eliciting a small squirm and a chuckle.

“You have done well in getting back into my good graces.” Vaarsuvius turned around, smiling again, and gently wrapped delicate arms around the goblin’s neck.

“I wouldn’t want you to be angry at me. You hold onto grudges like a fiend.”

Vaarsuvius gently swatted Redcloak’s chest. “Beast.” The elf went on tip-toes and kissed the goblin gently, fire burning between them, painful yet welcome. Redcloak slipped his arms around his lover’s slender waist and pressed their bodies together.

Vaarsuvius snapped awake from the trance, immediately standing from the bed, picking up a folded outer robe on a chair shoved under the circular window looking out into the ocean.

“V…?”

“Sleep, Miss Starshine. I am only going to the upper deck.”

Haley let out a mumble and turned on her side, promptly falling back asleep. Vaarsuvius pulled on the heavier robe over the thin night robe, tying it tightly and leaving the room, bare feet feeling the full effects of the rough, un-sanded floor even when the elf climbed up the stairs on to the main deck.

The familiar smell of salt just agitated Vaarsuvius further, only bringing up more memories.

“Nightmares?” Vaarsuvius spun around, leaning on the boat railing and looking at the raven staring up accusingly from the ground. “Or something else?”

“Not nightmares.” Vaarsuvius looked out to the sea, frowning. “Not nightmares.”

“Were you reliving sex with the goblin again? Because you seriously can’t dwell on stuff like that.”

“Not the copulation itself. Just… talking to him. And my parents. And to Inkyrius.”

“That’s a mash-up. Why’d your brain string them together?”

Vaarsuvius didn’t answer.

“Bonded, remember? I can figure it out myself.”

“It all involved passion.” Vaarssuvius touched the area just above a small beating heart. “Or… perhaps passion is not the right word.” The elf was silent for a while. “I believe that I miss Redcloak.”

“What about Inkyrius?”

“Blackwing, I prefer to not speak about my emotions.” Vaarsuvius stared into the water, lips slightly tight with pain. The elf’s abdomen and back were hurting a little. “They are difficult to think about.”

“Hey, I’m your familiar.” Blackwing flew to the railing, landing on it gracefully. “And you sort of went insane last time you let your feelings stew, so yeah.”

“That was different.” Vaarsuvius stared at the water, tracing the foam with a violet gaze. “My parents, Inkyrius, Redcloak… they’re in my past. Not my future.”

“That’s what you’d like to think.”

Vaarsuvius sighed, gently wrapping thin arms around a tiny elven body. “I allowed myself to care too much about Redcloak. Put too much heart into him. For that, I must pay.”

“Did you love him?”

The elf glanced at the raven, frowning. Blackwing looked entirely serious. “It hurts you to be away from him. You’re still dreaming about him about a week after you knocked him out. And I saw you when you two were together.”

“Love would be a foolish thing for me to give to him.” Vaarsuvius looked back at the water. “I do not love him. I never did and I never will.”

“I don’t believe you.”

“Your belief means nothing when it comes to fact, Blackwing.” Vaarsuvius straightened, wincing a little at a twinge of pain in a thin back.

“Are you okay, Vaarsuvius?” Blackwing flew to his master’s shoulder. “You’ve been acting weird.”

“I have simply taken ill, Blackwing.” Vaarsuvius started towards the trapdoor to under the deck again. “Nothing but that.”

Thoughts?

[Silverraptor]

Thanks. Yeah, I'm working on it.

Ooh, do you know who the three kids in the beginning of the story are?

Lien and Miko. The other child I don't know but I would suspect Thanh.

[CoffeeIncluded]

Aww, child-V is adorable.

And what's with V feeling sick at the end of it...? *Starts playing Jaws theme*

It's O-Chul. Hit in the back of the head with a bag of oysters and not hurt at all?