Crack Pairings V - We Revel in Infamy

[Sereg]

Alright everyone, as requested, here is part 2 of “Allegiance”.

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After Nale dismissed the web spell, Miko said, “I have an urgent message for Lord Shojo. The Order of the Stick should still be in the city as well. We should leave immediately.” Nale did not think that it was a good idea for Miko to enter the city and possibly discover that they were escaped criminals so he suggested, “If it’s so urgent, perhaps we can provide a faster way. My friend Pompey here has several scrolls of sending. That would be a faster method than riding.”
“Lord Shojo’s throne room is protected from such magic,” answered Miko, “but perhaps your friend could contact Lord Hinjo instead.”
“Wouldn’t the message seem more reliable coming from you?” asked Nale.
“But if I fail my use magic device roll, the scroll will simply blow up in my face!” exclaimed Miko.
“Well,” answered Nale, “paladins have a lot of hit points and we have a lot of scrolls.”

Hinjo ran back towards the Throne room. If the Linear Guild had escaped as Haley had claimed, then he had to inform his uncle. “Lord Hinjo,” came a familiar voice. He looked up to see a transparent image of Miko with ash covering her face. She appeared to be using a magic item to communicate with him. “Miko?” he asked. Her form was following him, so he didn’t bother to stop.
“The Order lied. Xykon lives and is less than a day away with a hobgoblin army.”
“What?” he asked, “But the early warning beacons...”
“Destroyed.” answered Miko. They had reached the throne room and began to hear voices.
“I rule a city where I have to fake senility just to avoid being assassinated.” said one.

“I’d hate to think all those perfectly good lies were for naught.” finished the voice.
“Did you…?” asked Hinjo.
“Shojo betrayed us!” snarled Miko.
“Calm down Miko.” said Hinjo. “I’ll deal with this problem. You can’t go in after all. Are you closer to the city than Xykon?”
“Yes.” answered Miko.
“Good.” Hinjo replied. “Stay there out of his sight for now. We may need you there. I’ll send you further instructions if necessary.”
“Very well.” answered Miko and she winked out of sight.

“I am required to stay here to defend my city.” declared Miko to the rest of the Linear guild.
“Then we may as well make camp.” replied Nale.

That night Miko stared into the fire alone thinking about the situation in witch she had found herself. “is blue cape girl scared?” asked a voice. Miko turned around to see Thog. “Paladins don’t feel fear,” answered Miko, “but I am worried for my city.”
“thog good at fighting armies.” replied Thog, “thog like to protect puppies. thog protect city for you.” Miko smiled at that.
“Thank you Thog.” she answered, “That makes me feel better.”
“thog happy blue cape girl feel better.” said Thog, “thog like blue cape girl. thog want to pet blue cape girl like puppy.” Miko leaned into Thog and replied, “I think that I’d like that too.”

Part 3 will include at least the beginning of the battle (possibly the whole thing) as soon as I work out how it would have happened differently.

I am open to questions and suggestions about this fic (actually my fics in general but I like this one and am eager to discuss it with its fans).

@Oooohaloophole: That was pretty funny.

EDIT and The Dark Fiddler, MReav and CapedLuigiYoshi should also get some credit for table 2.

[The Odor]

Edit: And watersmurf, will the main story have a happy ending? I hope so but knowing very little of you I understand ...Probabaly not.

Why???? Unhappy ending's are more... entertaining.

[Zanaril]

*burns entire glass*

...how exactly did you burn a glass of water*?

*mostly

Why???? Unhappy ending's are more... entertaining.

And they can be enjoyed by everyone.

Happy endings are only happy for the protagonist.

[Closak]

And if the unhappy ending results in the destruction of the entire universe?

Then who get's to enjoy it?

How can anyone enjoy the ending if everybody's dead?


One of the characters i have made up is special in the way that EVERY story he appears in ends like that, his presence spells doom for the universe.
So don't let him make any appearances...If he does...BOOM!

[The Odor]

...how exactly did you burn a glass of water*?

*mostly


And they can be enjoyed by everyone.

Happy endings are only happy for the protagonist.

Bingo.
Iam Lawful Evil and Iam Happy about it.

And if the unhappy ending results in the destruction of the entire universe?

Then who get's to enjoy it?

How can anyone enjoy the ending if everybody's dead?


One of the characters i have made up is special in the way that EVERY story he appears in ends like that, his presence spells doom for the universe.
So don't let him make any appearances...If he does...BOOM!

In the afterlife all evil people can.

[Closak]

What afterlife?
That was destroyed too you know.

There is quite literally NOTHING left.
Not even the afterlife.

Everything is gone.

Bye-bye universe, all alternate timelines and dimensions as well as the afterlife, everything was completely annihilated.


THAT level of destruction is always the ultimate outcome if that character shows up in the setting.


Good luck enjoying that.

*Mutters about omnicidal maniacs ruining the universe*

[The Odor]

What afterlife?
That was destroyed too you know.

There is quite literally NOTHING left.
Not even the afterlife.

Everything is gone.

Bye-bye universe, all alternate timelines and dimensions as well as the afterlife, everything was completely annihilated.


THAT level of destruction is always the ultimate outcome if that character shows up in the setting.


Good luck enjoying that.

*Mutters about omnicidal maniacs ruining the universe*

Hmmm... There's gotta be a way. If there's one thing I've figured out it's that theres always a way.

[Asta Kask]

Murphy's Law Pairing

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Radic x someguyJanineknows

Background: Janine recommended a nice guy and Radic asked him to the village dance. Now J&R talk about what happened...

Radic: So we went to the dance, and then...
Janine: Yes?
Radic: ...and then he asked if could follow me home...
Janine: Yes?
Radic: ...and then I asked if he wanted to come in and drink some tea...
Janine: And then what happened?
Radic: *mumble, mumble*
Janine: What did you say?
Radic: *mumble, mumble*
Janine: You must speak lou...
Radic: We! Drank! Tea! NOTHING. MORE. HAPPENED.
*bursts into tears*

And that is why should always put ranks in Sense Motive.

Comments?

[Sstoopidtallkid]

Hmmm... There's gotta be a way. If there's one thing I've ficured out it's that theres always a way.

In this case, an Epic-level Wizard with a ward against that characters actions specifically. Whatever method he uses to annihilate all of everything, the Wizard has a ward against that. And once he's done, the Wizard casts Genesis. Divinations+Epic Magic=Immortality.

Or simply the Dweomerkeeper Alita build. Should survive most things, including disjunction followed by infinite damage. Only ECL 13, too.

[Closak]

Except for when the character in question uncreates the wizards wards and kills him anyway.

Character: *Blinks and suddenly the wizards wards never even existed in the first place, in fact, the wizard has been nerfed to the level of a first level commoner*

Former wizard: What...just...happened?

*Universe blows up*

Omnipotent Eldritch Abomination beats epic wizard.

Putting an epic wizard against this thing is like putting a normal person with a big gun against Cthulhu.
It's a big gun, but still only a gun.


Alternate option: When abomination shows up, evacuate the universe and hide somewhere in the Far Realms (And pray it doesn't find you)
Then come back and cast Genesis once the abomination has left for another universe.

Think of this character as an intelligent and very omnicidal (And hungry) Azatoth that happens to have woken up and is now out to get every universe it can reach before the DM himself steps in and slaps it silly.

[The Odor]

Except for when the character in question uncreates the wizards wards and kills him anyway.

Character: *Blinks and suddenly the wizards wards never even existed in the first place, in fact, the wizard has been nerfed to the level of a first level commoner*

Former wizard: What...just...happened?

*Universe blows up*

Omnipotent Eldritch Abomination beats epic wizard.

Putting an epic wizard against this thing is like putting a normal person with a big gun against Cthulhu.
It's a big gun, but still only a gun.


Alternate option: When abomination shows up, evacuate the universe and hide somewhere in the Far Realms (And pray it doesn't find you)
Then come back and cast Genesis once the abomination has left for another universe.

Think of this character as an intelligent and very omnicidal (And hungry) Azatoth that happens to have woken up and is now out to get every universe it can reach.

That work's.

[Closak]

In other words, it's basically a big sentient walking "Universe blows up, everyone dies" that jumps between universes and systematically blows them up one at a time.


Take this, make it sentient, omnicidal, hungry and give it the ability to hop between universes instead of being confined to it's own.

And now that you know what you are dealing with...

See how an appearance from this thing equals "THE END" in the worst possible way?

[Sstoopidtallkid]

Except for when the character in question uncreates the wizards wards and kills him anyway.

Character: *Blinks and suddenly the wizards wards never even existed in the first place, in fact, the wizard has been nerfed to the level of a first level commoner*

Former wizard: What...just...happened?

*Universe blows up*

Omnipotent Eldritch Abomination beats epic wizard.

Putting an epic wizard against this thing is like putting a normal person with a big gun against Cthulhu.
It's a big gun, but still only a gun.

Think of this character as an intelligent and very omnicidal (And hungry) Azatoth that happens to have woken up and is now out to get every universe it can reach before the DM himself steps in and slaps it silly.

You are underestimating Epic casting. Whatever this thing is, the Wizard can win. There's a reason the board generally ignores Epic casting(and I only pull it out for gods and DM fiat), it's basically 'do whatever you want' given rules. The Wizard has a spell saying "whenever X attempts to unmake my spells, leave them intact, hit X with a meteor, and give me pie. Good pie." Epic is borked.

[Closak]

But enough about that.

Back to the crack pairings.


Hmmm...ABD/Thog?

Maybe i should give it a try

[The Odor]

But enough about that.

Back to the crack pairings.


Hmmm...ABD/Thog?

Maybe i should give it a try

Nice. Wait no elf's?

[Yiuel]

Maybe I just don't have the proper eye for detail, but I can't see the change. Could you specify what it is?

Also, Yiuel PM'd me some Joan fanservice to share with the forum at my discretion.

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She looks like she has a high DEX...she's very limber, with her arm stretched so far behind her back...

And a brilliant job on the undies! It's a shame they're probably for Alexander's eyes only.

Well, it's the title that I changed, right over Ross. I had only a small text in the blue sky at first, and I decided to make a bigger title in a yellowish box, with the "Order of the Stick Jr." subtitle. It's subtle, but I like it better that way.

And yes, the undies are probably only for her half-Sylph. As for the arm, I don't find it much difficult to do that in real life. And I have a DEX penalty in real life.

[The Odor]

And I have a DEX penalty in real life.

How do you know that? I think I may but I aint sure.

[Yiuel]

How do you know that? I think I may but I aint sure.

Well, using D&D rules and stuff, a friend of mine evaluated that I had the following stats :

STR 16
DEX 8
CON 14
INT 16
WIS 12
CHA 12

I have really low reflexes and lack in coordination. I can, however, with a lot of time, learn how to do specific moves, but it takes more time than with ordinary people. So yeah, a malus. I am really bad at sports in which you need high reflexes. (The only one about which we aren't sure is STR, it might be a little higher.)

[The Odor]

Well, using D&D rules and stuff, a friend of mine evaluated that I had the following stats :

STR 16
DEX 8
CON 14
INT 16
WIS 12
CHA 12

I have really low reflexes and lack in coordination. I can, however, with a lot of time, learn how to do specific moves, but it takes more time than with ordinary people. So yeah, a malus. I am really bad at sports in which you need high reflexes. (The only one about which we aren't sure is STR, it might be a little higher.)

Okey then i dont. A dnd nerd friend of mine figured me out.

[Oooohaloophole]

Well the reason I dont like Sad endings is because I feel depressed and I live in the country which is voted to be the most depressed country in the entire world. Just the feeling of a happy sunshine I felt during My Winter holidays has now been devoured by the neverfull void of sadnness once I returned to Ukriane....Thats Why I hate sad endings, I live in one (Not the saddest ending just a depresseing one).

[The Odor]

Well the reason I dont like Sad endings is because I feel depressed and I live in the country which is voted to be the most depressed country in the entire world. Just the feeling of a happy sunshine I felt during My Winter holidays has now been devoured by the neverfull void of sadnness once I returned to Ukriane....Thats Why I hate sad endings, I live in one (Not the saddest ending just a depresseing one).

I hate my country to.

[Closak]

My worst stat would have to be Charisma.

I'm absolutely horrible with other people.
I probably put my Charisma at a 7.


I suck when it comes to being social

[Oooohaloophole]

I hate my country to.

Leteraly Type in Ukrian, Most Depressed country, only 9 percent of the population feels happy...I hope you guys Feel happy. I am naturaly disconnected from all the ukrianian kids and the kids from other contries in my school are Douchbags....Well I hope your stories are happier than me.

Oh my Stats:

Str 10
Dex 12
Int:20
Wis:9
Cha:14
Con: 12

Im smart, just have a very small ettention span.

And closak, maybe you would be more popular if you DIDNT FRIGGIN TRY TO EAT PEOPLE! Sheesh Im still washing my clothes from the last time.

[The Odor]

Leteraly Type in Ukrian, Most Depressed country, only 9 percent of the population feels happy...I hope you guys Feel happy. I am naturaly disconnected from all the ukrianian kids and the kids from other contries in my school are Douchbags....Well I hope your stories are happier than me.

Oh my Stats:

Str 10
Dex 12
Int:20
Wis:9
Cha:14
Con: 12

Im smart, just have a very small ettention span.

It seems sweden people is only happy whenn making laws that make my neck snap of their dumbness.


My stats are:
Strength- 13
Dexterity- 14
Constitution- 14
Intelligence- 15
Wisdom- 18
Charisma- 14

[Closak]

But i like eating people.
They taste good! *Swallows a random passer-by*

Yum.

[The Odor]

But i like eating people.
They taste good! *Swallows a random passer-by*

Yum.

Want more? I might be able to get you virgins.

[Oooohaloophole]

It seems sweden people is only happy whenn making laws that make my neck snap of their dumbness.


My stats are:
Strength- 13
Dexterity- 14
Constitution- 14
Intelligence- 15
Wisdom- 18
Charisma- 14

But did your president steal 1 BILLOIN DOLLARS FROM AN ECONOMICALY FIALING COUNTRY?!

But i like eating people.
They taste good! *Swallows a random passer-by*

Yum.

*Facepalm* Ill get the cleric.

Anyway Since I think you Kickass I want to make you a PERSONAL avatar. What do you want it to look like? My idea is a faceshot of a happy Black dragon with a hand sticking out of his mouth....Or something like that.

[Closak]

I prefer corrupt politicians actually.

Think you can get me any of those?
Not only am i getting a full belly, i'm also doing the world a favor by getting rid of them.


Above: Sure, that sounds good.

[The Odor]

I prefer corrupt politicians actually.

Think you can get me any of those?
Not only am i getting a full belly, i'm also doing the world a favor by getting rid of them.


Above: Sure, that sounds good.

They can be fireballed efficently I have them.

[Closak]

Is that George W Bush? *Eats him* Nomnomnomnom ahhh tasty.

Justice has been served at last.
And for desert...*Noms down on the FBI*