If you were a fantasy land NPC what kind of npc would you like to be?

[S@tanicoaldo]

So you don't get to be an adventurer this time, you are an NPC, what kind of npc would you like to be?

[2D8HP]

Having bartended IRL and not liking it (but I've never really liked anything I was paid to do), they're probably better choices, but my first instinct is to be a Tavern Keeper, as I'd get to hear Travellers and Adventurers tales (maybe some Bardic performances as well), but not risk my neck much (I hope).

To match my RL job I'd be a Guild Artisan.

[Sermil]

Probably a sage. Something where I can sit around and read old scrolls all day and not have to get in any scary fights. Plus, I get to be the old guy dispensing wisdom to the young whippersnappers... Ya, I could see doing that.

Of course, my memory isn't great, which would be much more of a problem for fantasy-sages than modern 'knowledge workers'. No Google.

[JNAProductions]

I could go Tarquin and be the evil overlord, but I'm too nice for that.

I dunno. Maybe the bit NPC who's there to show off how happy and prosperous the kingdom is, with a nice family, reliable job, decent wealth...

[Drakeburn]

I'm not sure. I was thinking maybe I could be a baker, but I'm not a baker IRL, and I'm not a good cook. (My worst dishes was "mush and cheese" and a batch of mac and cheese that still had some raw flour in it).

In a fantasy setting, I'd be a farmer, since I've taken care of chickens and goats IRL.

[Razade]

I don't know what an fnasty land is to give you an answer.

[BWR]

I'd be the one who wasn't eaten by a dragon, kidnapped by goblins, robbed by bandits, murdered by the BBEG's armies, beaten up by a passing lord, dying to a supernatural plague, haunted by the local ghost, etc. etc. etc.

The one who isn't victimized so passing heroes can say 'this is terrible, we need to go fight something'.

[Celestia]

I'd like to be a princess, but I feel like that job would come with too much risk of kidnapping. How about a noble's daughter? That's almost as good, and they don't get kidnapped as often, do they? Then again, most fantasy worlds enforce a pseudo-medieval setting, so chances are the noble's daughter would end up in an arranged marriage at some point. That's not good. I guess I can bump down to daughter of a rich merchant, then? That'll come with a decent amount of comfort without any strings attached. That seems to be the best option.

[khadgar567]

well thanks for the board spectrum of fantasy.
I can reliably work as research and development in any sci-fi setting so nothing changes from my life.

[The Glyphstone]

I'd be a bartender/innkeeper in the Forgotten Realms, because that comes with a standard package of 10-15 adventuring class levels even though I'm retired.

[Scarlet Knight]

Charismatic smuggler with his own ship. Always good coin to be made getting PCs in and out of places.

And fess up; how many of you female PCs end up spending some time with the NPC smuggler with the high CHA?

[JNAProductions]

Charismatic smuggler with his own ship. Always good coin to be made getting PCs in and out of places.

And fess up; how many of you female PCs end up spending some time with the NPC smuggler with the high CHA?

That made me laugh. Good on you, Knight!

[Hageshi]

I'd be the town drunk. Every Fantasy land needs a town drunk. Spewing out nonsense. Being ignored and trying to keep the hellish things that haunt my nightmares away.

[Lord Joeltion]

Well, blacksmith, of course. Everyone needs a blacksmith. Even the bartender would need to call me every once and then to reforge the hinge of his doors whenever a bar brawl will spontaneously manifest (and given this is NPC Town, that would be any other Tuesday).

It's profitable, it doesn't require me to leave my home, and if given enough free time I could cross-train in wizardly knowledge to expand business into enchanted apparel. Either that, or I could endorse my own team of adventurers, if corporative expansion is possible within the setting.

It's also probably the cheapest way to become a good fencer ever

[The Fury]

Seeing as how I usually end up in customer service jobs in real life, the NPC class best suited for me is "Killed by the Player Party."

[Lvl 2 Expert]

Some sort of alchemist, potion brewer or healer. Relatively high class job with all the benefits that brings, typically rare for some reason, and thus decent pay, getting to be out and about collecting ingredients, and anything I need from far away I'd just buy out of my income. I get to use both my lab and my outdoor skills but since this is a fantasy world what I do spontaneously gets awesome magical effects. Because anyone can cure mummy's curse if they can take a decent guess at which plants to throw together based on previous experiments for similar cases. Most fantasy worlds would let an NPC get away with quite a bit of magical power as long as it is ritual or otherwise slow in nature and isn't build for immediate in battle effect.

Backup plan is something like a leather worker or beer brewer or spice trader or anyone else ensuring acces to sort of semi-luxury goods. The demand is high enough that you can live of serving a relatively small area, yet there's not as much competition bringing prices down as for someone producing daily needs.

[Eldan]

Oh, sage. Absolutely sage. I mean, I get to make a living reading books and studying whatever I want? Yes please!

(How do generic sages make their living, anyway?)

[thirsting]

*holds an empty a mug*

Have pity, good people, I have not eaten for days.

For a few coppers, I can tell you about this lord who I heard needs adventurers to do his dirty work..
For a few silvers, I can tell you where to find him!
....
If you give me a sword and keep buying me food, I can come with you and risk my own neck, too.

[Lector87]

Annoyed, harassed, peevish minor clerk or secretary working for some major magical university or library. The NPC who pointedly explains to the heroes that no, they may not go into the restricted section to examine the cursed grimoire, and no, the arch-wizard can't see them right now he's a very busy man, and please tell your half-orc to leave the ficus alone.

[Telonius]

I'd be a 10-year-old kid. Unless you're playing some serious grimdark, they're basically indestructible. Plus, there's a small chance I'll actually turn out to be some super-powered extradimensional being.

[Baby Gary]

In a D&D world I would like to be the Arch Mage of wherever, that comes with a lot of wizard levels, and maybe even epic spellcasting. In a non D&D world a rich (like very rich) merchant who uses his money to help the politicians he likes, well thats one way you could put it.

[PopeLinus1]

Nathan Paminita Carivar.

Your typical Kidnaped plot-hook dude. Except the party finds the dungeons loot before they find him. And then they leave without ever knowing he was their.

[Scarlet Knight]

Annoyed, harassed, peevish minor clerk or secretary working for some major magical university or library. The NPC who pointedly explains to the heroes that no, they may not go into the restricted section to examine the cursed grimoire, and no, the arch-wizard can't see them right now he's a very busy man, and please tell your half-orc to leave the ficus alone.

YES! What is it with half-orc PCs? Always shaking my compass, touching my charts, and messing with the ballista! It's as if they WANT me crazy so I drop them off on a deserted island while telling them it's the right destination!

[AuthorGirl]

I would be a very, very charismatic half-elven bard with all the PCs wrapped around her little finger. Holding up the campaign with stupid side quests and infighting.

Because it would be fun.

[A.A.King]

Al though my first instinct would be King (this name was chosen for a reason after all ) but on second thought, you're mortality sky rockets as NPC King as soon as PCs start appearing in or near your country.

So instead I'd go with Royal Advisor, be the power behind the throne. Take none of the public blame but still live with a lot of the benefits. I'd be a relatively loyal NPC to, having no desire to take the King's throne or scheme behind his back (though I can't guarantee that my advise doesn't come with a personal agenda either) but I'm also mainly a survivor and if the chips do go down expect me to escape on my own (though my advise, if followed on, should make it that worst-case scenario damn near impossible )

[Lvl 2 Expert]

Al though my first instinct would be King (this name was chosen for a reason after all ) but on second thought, you're mortality sky rockets as NPC King as soon as PCs start appearing in or near your country.

So instead I'd go with Royal Advisor, be the power behind the throne. Take none of the public blame but still live with a lot of the benefits. I'd be a relatively loyal NPC to, having no desire to take the King's throne or scheme behind his back (though I can't guarantee that my advise doesn't come with a personal agenda either) but I'm also mainly a survivor and if the chips do go down expect me to escape on my own (though my advise, if followed on, should make it that worst-case scenario damn near impossible )

You figure the king has too high a chance of dying, so you choose to be the grand vizier? Because the PC's blowing you up before you even meet them as a precaution is better than getting hit by assassins as a way to start up the plot?

I mean, sure, my alchemist is getting chased up a tree by a gang of orcs as soon as PC's are around, but at least he has a 50/50 chance of the PC's themselves actually sort of tolerating him as a creature that may continue living.

[A.A.King]

You figure the king has too high a chance of dying, so you choose to be the grand vizier? Because the PC's blowing you up before you even meet them as a precaution is better than getting hit by assassins as a way to start up the plot?

I mean, sure, my alchemist is getting chased up a tree by a gang of orcs as soon as PC's are around, but at least he has a 50/50 chance of the PC's themselves actually sort of tolerating him as a creature that may continue living.

Everyone needs friends in high places, and my reputation precedes me as a reasonable negotiating partner. I do not hatch schemes to increase my power, I simply wait for opportunities to make, shall we say, mutually beneficial agreements. I'm certain the PCs and I can come to some kind of understanding which would make my overal usefulness outweigh their intolerance for my personal character. As someone who has the ear of the King in his pocket I'm better to have as friend than as foe (or corpse) and if the faith of the world is not as risk and they do seek an audiance with the King or the aid of the Kingdom than our brave heroes will at least find much in our Capital magnificent market place. We are Merchant State with trade deals across the continent and beyond and with the keys of the city in my hands I can function Gatekeeper for the PCs would they pose a threat to me.

I'm harmless, but a humble civil servant who alive isn't a threat to anyone. Dead however, I am of no use to anyone and so my life insurance policy is simply to be needed by everyone. PCs be warned, kill me and I'm taking the whole structure with me!

[The Fury]

I would be a very, very charismatic half-elven bard with all the PCs wrapped around her little finger. Holding up the campaign with stupid side quests and infighting.

Because it would be fun.

It would be, but be careful with this one. If our heroes get annoyed they might just kill you out of spite. Or drag you along on their adventure which could be amazing! Or terrifying...

You figure the king has too high a chance of dying, so you choose to be the grand vizier? Because the PC's blowing you up before you even meet them as a precaution is better than getting hit by assassins as a way to start up the plot?

I mean, sure, my alchemist is getting chased up a tree by a gang of orcs as soon as PC's are around, but at least he has a 50/50 chance of the PC's themselves actually sort of tolerating him as a creature that may continue living.

It's true. Logic aside, it's genre convention that the royal adviser is secretly manipulating the kingdom and/or is planning some sort of coup. So much so that if the adviser isn't doing any of that, it's practically a plot twist.

Though it's possible that I'm just assuming the worst about our hypothetical player party. I did say that they'd likely kill me in whatever work-a-day function I might fulfill. Maybe I just need to be less negative.

[Tvtyrant]

I would be the poopsmith. Hopefully the party leaves me alone and doesn't harvest my kidneys.

[Bohandas]

college wizard or temple cleric