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2012-10-08, 10:53 AM (ISO 8601)
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- May 2012
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- Aldain
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Re: Relationship Woes and Advice 22: In Which Two Problems Prevent Each Others' Solut
Scientific Name: Wombous apocolypticus | Diet: Apocolypse Pie | Cuddly: Yes
World Building Projects:
Magic: The Stuff of Sentience | Fate: The Fabric of Physics | Luck: The Basis of Biology
Order of the Stick Projects:
Annotation of the Comic | Magic Compendium of the Comic | Transcription of the Comic
Dad-a-chum? Dum-a-chum? Ded-a-chek? Did-a-chick?
Extended Signature | My DeviantArt | Majora's Mask Point Race
(you can't take the sky from me)
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2012-10-08, 11:48 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Oct 2008
- Location
- Freljord
Re: Relationship Woes and Advice 22: In Which Two Problems Prevent Each Others' Solut
Wh-what?
Hmmm...kareoke, what a marvolous idea. She has a wonderful voice.
Even if she wouldn't sound good, as long as she likes singing it could be a great idea. I know the girl I like loves karaoke. She even sung a song at the anime convention we went to, but sadly I couldn't hear her because some guy went to sing along and he was practically shouting the song.Homebrewer's Signature | Avatar by Strawberries
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2012-10-08, 12:20 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- May 2012
- Location
- Aldain
- Gender
Re: Relationship Woes and Advice 22: In Which Two Problems Prevent Each Others' Solut
As in, haduken! But throw in a kangaroo for good measure!
Have you heard her sing before? If not, keep in mind that speaking voices and singing voices can be quite different. Someone who sounds good with the one may be bad with the other, or vice versa.
Even if she wouldn't sound good, as long as she likes singing it could be a great idea. I know the girl I like loves karaoke. She even sung a song at the anime convention we went to, but sadly I couldn't hear her because some guy went to sing along and he was practically shouting the song.Scientific Name: Wombous apocolypticus | Diet: Apocolypse Pie | Cuddly: Yes
World Building Projects:
Magic: The Stuff of Sentience | Fate: The Fabric of Physics | Luck: The Basis of Biology
Order of the Stick Projects:
Annotation of the Comic | Magic Compendium of the Comic | Transcription of the Comic
Dad-a-chum? Dum-a-chum? Ded-a-chek? Did-a-chick?
Extended Signature | My DeviantArt | Majora's Mask Point Race
(you can't take the sky from me)
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2012-10-08, 06:06 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Aug 2010
- Gender
Re: Relationship Woes and Advice 22: In Which Two Problems Prevent Each Others' Solut
Letter to no one.
SpoilerAlright, well, I guess that just proves I’m a terrible judge of everything when it comes to you. Because I was totally borderline drunk last night, and that’s the truth.
You wanted to know, and I told you, and I’m sorry. I’m sorry I did what I did, and in some way that I don’t even understand, I’m sorry that I find myself attracted to you. You’re smart and you’re funny and you’re beautiful and you’ve got great taste in all sorts of fun, nerdy stuff. The terrible thing is that I don’t even know what I’m infatuated with anymore; is it you or some weird facsimile of you that I’ve created in my head? I don’t know anymore. I just don’t.
While Joe, Kyle, Ian, and I were talking after Homecoming I came to the realization that I’ve liked you in a more than platonic way for at least a year at this point. I also had a terribly realistic dream in the wee hours of Saturday that you changed your mind about the dance, and I was so happy and then so sad when I realized it was all a dream. But that’s beside the point. Anyway, it’s awful. Awful. Awful. Awful. I see you every day in school and I just … I don’t know how I was ever able to talk to you.
Also, please stop cutting and please start eating like a normal person. I doubt I can ever fully understand why you cut yourself, I know I don’t now, but it’s dangerous and we, your friends, we care about you. As for the eating, as stated, you’re beautiful and you’ve got nothing to worry about…
I hope that someday someone makes you happy the way I wanted to. And once again, I’m sorry. I typed this all up to be some sort of unsent letter, something cathartic for myself, but now I feel like I should send this to you. I know if I do there’s no way I can do so while actually looking at the Send Button.
I fully expect to never be in good enough graces to ever talk to you again if I somehow manage to rally whatever scant resemblance of courage I have and do send this.
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2012-10-08, 06:17 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Sep 2008
- Location
- UK
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Re: Relationship Woes and Advice 22: In Which Two Problems Prevent Each Others' Solut
@AT:
There was a lot of that that reminded me of a friend I once had, ten years ago. She was sweet and lovely, as your friend is and I found myself attracted to her. However, she too had ghosts in her head that lead her to feel bad and hurt herself. No matter what I said or did, there was a part of her that I just couldn't reach out to.
We eventually went our separate ways and the last I heard of her, she'd managed to find a new job with a little less stress to it. I hope she's managed to open up a little or at least find some modicum of peace.
I hope you and your friend will too.
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2012-10-08, 07:47 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Aug 2010
- Gender
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2012-10-08, 09:15 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Jan 2010
Re: Relationship Woes and Advice 22: In Which Two Problems Prevent Each Others' Solut
Understand that while I've been lurking this thread a long time, I still am terrible with most people. That said...
Give in to the temption, don't fight the urge. It's not insulting in any way, and maybe it'll plant a seed of hope in her. A little care and love can change how someone views everything.
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2012-10-08, 09:46 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Oct 2008
- Location
- Xin-Shalast
- Gender
Re: Relationship Woes and Advice 22: In Which Two Problems Prevent Each Others' Solut
Usually we're supposed to try to not burn bridges, but, sometimes life does call for a controlled burn.
The biggest thing was just the first step of getting it out of you and in the air or in text so that you could re-examine it with fresher eyes.
Now there's two schools of thought that could get applied here, the first being one that I've fallen into more times than I'd care to recall, the devil may care, if it destroys all semblance of civility so be it it must be all for the better if that's the way the dice come up, which would either just send it on immediately or after minimal editing for coherency and honing it to a razor's edge.
You can probably look back over the past incarnations of the thread to see how well that's worked out for me though. But then again, maybe that's just me, and I certainly have my own demons besides. Certainly I strive for and espouse it because of a poor understanding of the Golden Mean and hate when my spirit quails and I retreat within myself rather than engaging with the world like a whole person.
The other being the one where you put it away, put it aside, wait a period of time, and then re-examine it with eyes that are less clouded by immediacy. It can lead to a kinder, gentler, sadder wisdom. Maybe.
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2012-10-08, 11:09 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Mar 2009
- Location
- Austin TX
- Gender
Re: Relationship Woes and Advice 22: In Which Two Problems Prevent Each Others' Solut
It's never good to see someone harming themselves, but ultimately, no one else can make them stop. It takes a real epiphany for a person to want to change a major behavior, & that requires a large enough life change.
Perhaps in losing you over it, they might wake up a little & start to want to change, but who knows? Being Jiminy Cricket for someone who needs that level of help just puts a high level of stress on you... And they'll still do as they will anyway (just as Pinocchio continued to drink, gamble, etc, despite Jiminy Cricket yelling at him for it.)
Feels odd to use a classic Disney movie as a reference there... Though, the original non-Disney version ended with Pinocchio becoming a full donkey & Geppetto inside the whale, so that might be worse to reference...
So yeah, the best you can do is not internalize their stress into you. Hope they do better in the future, but move on from them, at least for now.
Good luck.Last edited by Thajocoth; 2012-10-08 at 11:10 PM.
Avatar by me. It's Incendius Darkscale, a Good Dragonborn Dragon Sorcerer, Demonskin Adept, Prince of Hell, worshiper of the Platinum Dragon (Bahamut), specializing in Fire and Lightning, wielding a staff in each hand.
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2012-10-08, 11:14 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Aug 2010
- Gender
Re: Relationship Woes and Advice 22: In Which Two Problems Prevent Each Others' Solut
Well, yes. As stated me and some other friends have managed to get this person's parents to take them to a psychologist. Don't know how many times she's gone yet. Only once or twice I think.
Perhaps in losing you over it, they might wake up a little & start to want to change, but who knows? Being Jiminy Cricket for someone who needs that level of help just puts a high level of stress on you... And they'll still do as they will anyway (just as Pinocchio continued to drink, gamble, etc, despite Jiminy Cricket yelling at him for it.)
So yeah, the best you can do is not internalize their stress into you. Hope they do better in the future, but move on from them, at least for now.
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2012-10-09, 12:04 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Oct 2008
- Location
- Xin-Shalast
- Gender
Re: Relationship Woes and Advice 22: In Which Two Problems Prevent Each Others' Solut
Sometimes a controlled burn is for the best. Maybe. I know nothing
Me:SpoilerSo I've reached that awkward place where I think I might have had an epiphany that part of why I keep tripping myself up is that I've managed to get convinced that there's something immoral about wanting to get to know someone better because of a crush.
Or maybe I've just developed a pathological fear and hatred of crushes because I've never been able to do anything with them and attempts at doing so have always blown up in my face.
Not sure how this ties into my self-loathing over being so pathetic that I'm actually tempted to move back across the country for a woman who is already engaged if she actually directly asked me to rather than joking about it. Maybe they're separate moral and character deficiencies.
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2012-10-09, 03:04 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Oct 2008
- Location
- Freljord
Re: Relationship Woes and Advice 22: In Which Two Problems Prevent Each Others' Solut
I wouldn't do it. From your posts so far, she's definitely not interested in you and this wouldn't change it. If she also only has gone once or twice to a psychiatrist after everything you, your friends and her family have done for her, she's not likely to want to actually go it seems, and forcing her would only make things worse. The only thing that could happen that would end up with you being closer to her would be her taking advantage of you by using you as a pillar to lean on, basically dumping everything on you so she herself doesn't need to deal with it as much, making her get a lot of benefits from the relationship while you'd end up sick with worry and eventually possibly even depressed yourself.
I've seen it happen several times before. I've been in a similar situation even. I was in a relationship with a girl who was in a similar place. She got a lot better after several years. You know how that happened? I ended our relationship, because I was tired of it and couldn't bear it anymore. Several months later she found someone else and became all the happier for it.
Another girl I was in love with several years ago also had this, but had trouble letting go, because it was her boyfriend that was using her as a pillar in this case. Thanks to me she realized it could be a lot better, but until they broke up (and for a few months afterwards) she was still miserable about it.
"Fixing" a person is nigh-impossible if the person doesn't seem to want help. Even if they do, it takes years, and it taxes you immensely. Even once you get out of it, it can take months to get over the emotional damage a situation like that can inflict -- longer if the relationship lasted a long time and/or if you're particularly vulnerable to such situations.
This may sound harsh or mean to you, but after everything you've told, after everything that's happened, I very, very much doubt you have anything to gain from sending her an email like that.
That is the most socially ridiculous thing I've ever heard. There's nothing "immoral" about wanting to get to know someone better.
Unless you'd plan to enact crimes on them or with them.Homebrewer's Signature | Avatar by Strawberries
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2012-10-09, 07:34 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- May 2012
- Location
- Aldain
- Gender
Re: Relationship Woes and Advice 22: In Which Two Problems Prevent Each Others' Solut
As an update, I ended up spilling the beans yesterday to her, and she confirmed my suspcions! We are officially 'dating'.
Scientific Name: Wombous apocolypticus | Diet: Apocolypse Pie | Cuddly: Yes
World Building Projects:
Magic: The Stuff of Sentience | Fate: The Fabric of Physics | Luck: The Basis of Biology
Order of the Stick Projects:
Annotation of the Comic | Magic Compendium of the Comic | Transcription of the Comic
Dad-a-chum? Dum-a-chum? Ded-a-chek? Did-a-chick?
Extended Signature | My DeviantArt | Majora's Mask Point Race
(you can't take the sky from me)
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2012-10-09, 07:38 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Sep 2008
- Location
- UK
- Gender
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2012-10-09, 07:44 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Sep 2005
- Location
- Australia
- Gender
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2012-10-09, 07:48 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Oct 2008
- Location
- Freljord
Re: Relationship Woes and Advice 22: In Which Two Problems Prevent Each Others' Solut
Homebrewer's Signature | Avatar by Strawberries
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2012-10-09, 08:03 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Jun 2006
- Location
- Dinosaur Museum aw yisss.
- Gender
Re: Relationship Woes and Advice 22: In Which Two Problems Prevent Each Others' Solut
But is it Facebook official?
The Iron Avatarist Hall of Fame!
Prizes(Un)Official Best Playground Avatarist Competition
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Also, buy my stuff! T-Shirts too!
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2012-10-09, 08:08 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Sep 2008
- Location
- UK
- Gender
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2012-10-09, 08:21 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Feb 2007
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2012-10-09, 08:25 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Sep 2005
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- Australia
- Gender
Re: Relationship Woes and Advice 22: In Which Two Problems Prevent Each Others' Solut
"My Hobby: Replacing your soap with gravy" by rtg0922, Doll and Clint "Rawhide" Eastwood by Sneak
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2012-10-09, 08:47 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- May 2012
- Location
- Aldain
- Gender
Re: Relationship Woes and Advice 22: In Which Two Problems Prevent Each Others' Solut
Oh crap. I'll have to catch up on the times. Being that it's been two years since I've been in one of these...oh the times have changed! XD
Who do I submit the form to, I wonder...
And as for an answer, we are not yet facebook official, and won't be until we've commensed on our date. Hense the 'dating' and not dating, or goting out. Apparently 'dating' is now renamed to fooling around. I'd say its more of - mutually understood liking with the intention of pursuing a actual relationship.
I like to call it a MULWIPAR.Scientific Name: Wombous apocolypticus | Diet: Apocolypse Pie | Cuddly: Yes
World Building Projects:
Magic: The Stuff of Sentience | Fate: The Fabric of Physics | Luck: The Basis of Biology
Order of the Stick Projects:
Annotation of the Comic | Magic Compendium of the Comic | Transcription of the Comic
Dad-a-chum? Dum-a-chum? Ded-a-chek? Did-a-chick?
Extended Signature | My DeviantArt | Majora's Mask Point Race
(you can't take the sky from me)
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2012-10-09, 08:50 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Sep 2008
- Location
- UK
- Gender
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2012-10-09, 09:13 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Oct 2008
- Location
- Freljord
Re: Relationship Woes and Advice 22: In Which Two Problems Prevent Each Others' Solut
If I make the next thread, I'll be doing just that.
Homebrewer's Signature | Avatar by Strawberries
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2012-10-09, 09:15 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- May 2012
- Location
- Aldain
- Gender
Re: Relationship Woes and Advice 22: In Which Two Problems Prevent Each Others' Solut
The MULWIPAR? Nice. I'd change the 'a actual' to 'an actual', though. Curses.
Scientific Name: Wombous apocolypticus | Diet: Apocolypse Pie | Cuddly: Yes
World Building Projects:
Magic: The Stuff of Sentience | Fate: The Fabric of Physics | Luck: The Basis of Biology
Order of the Stick Projects:
Annotation of the Comic | Magic Compendium of the Comic | Transcription of the Comic
Dad-a-chum? Dum-a-chum? Ded-a-chek? Did-a-chick?
Extended Signature | My DeviantArt | Majora's Mask Point Race
(you can't take the sky from me)
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2012-10-09, 01:13 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Jun 2010
- Location
- Netherlands
- Gender
Re: Relationship Woes and Advice 22: In Which Two Problems Prevent Each Others' Solut
So, the girl I thought was willing to go on another date with me is still too busy, which could be true I guess. It's just that it's been over a month by now since I've seen her in person and I don't think dating is supposed to have gaps this large barring external circumstances. Last time I spoke to her I thought I had made it easy for her to cut it off, but she didn't do that.
This isn't exactly very promising and, frankly, I've already run out of patience, but I figure I'm just going to bring this up anyway sooner or later. I'd be pretty annoyed if I find out this all just a very roundabout and vague way of telling me she isn't interested after all.
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2012-10-09, 03:02 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Nov 2008
- Location
- Texas
- Gender
Re: Relationship Woes and Advice 22: In Which Two Problems Prevent Each Others' Solut
Update: He's quitting. Not becausw of me, no, he still thinks i'm an ******* for even suggesting he quit. He's quitting because he got suspended for having weed. I'd be happier if he had quit because I asked him to but whatever.
And sorry i'm not, like, dispensing advice to other people while i'm here. I'm rubish at relationship advice. I know it's not exactly a guideline that you must help others to recieve help but I still want to apologize.
smooches____
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2012-10-09, 04:03 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Oct 2008
- Location
- Freljord
Re: Relationship Woes and Advice 22: In Which Two Problems Prevent Each Others' Solut
A shame about the reason, but good that he is doing it nonetheless. Hopefully his mood will improve in a few months once the urge to smoke becomes much less (which is usually after a month or so).
Don't worry about not being able to reciprocate with advice. That's what this thread is for anyway. It's more about getting it than giving it.
I know plenty of people who've been on Facebook for years and in serious, happy relationships for years and don't have their relationship on there. Thinking about it, with how often I update my own personal information, I'd prolly take a while, if I'd put it up there at all.
DOOOOOOOOOOMED!Last edited by Morph Bark; 2012-10-09 at 04:04 PM.
Homebrewer's Signature | Avatar by Strawberries
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2012-10-09, 05:03 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Oct 2008
- Location
- Xin-Shalast
- Gender
Re: Relationship Woes and Advice 22: In Which Two Problems Prevent Each Others' Solut
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2012-10-09, 05:15 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Sep 2009
- Location
- NYC
Re: Relationship Woes and Advice 22: In Which Two Problems Prevent Each Others' Solut
I am so confused.
It's that girl again. The one I told I liked and who responded that she's not looking for a boyfriend but if/when she were, she would have loved it to be me.
As far as I know, that's still her stance on the whole thing. I've accepted that. We're still friends. We still go about our business.
And she's still being flirty as all hell.
I guess that's just how she naturally is to some extent (touchy-feeliness is a quality that we share), and I'm trying not to look into it too much.
But then she's all, out of nowhere mind you, "Oh do you know when The Hobbit is coming out? I'd really like to see that movie."
And I said nothing because I have no idea what she's playing at at this point.
I just want to go on my roof and yell angstily at the sky.
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2012-10-09, 05:18 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Oct 2008
- Location
- Freljord
Re: Relationship Woes and Advice 22: In Which Two Problems Prevent Each Others' Solut
Ask her why she's being so flirty and touchy-feely with you while she doesn't want to date you?
And the appropriate response to that question would've been to ask "which of the three?"
I just want to go on my roof and yell angstily at the sky.Homebrewer's Signature | Avatar by Strawberries