Crack Pairings VI - We've Finally Stooped to Shipping Ourselves

[NemoUtopia]

And i'm back.

Did i miss anything?

*Goes to check what's been going on while i was gone*

Yes, everything. In fact, we're actually about finish Crack Pairings VII - We May or May Not Still Be Shipping Ourselves and wondered where the hell you've been and how you hacked a post into thread VI. Seriously though, looking forward to more from Water-Smurf's reinvigoration, definitely wanting more of KnightMysterio and gosh...and count on Sereg to make the Really Dangerous Trap work.

Here is 'Miko's Heart, Beyond Lawful Good' Part 4:

Spoiler

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I do not understand…I am fully armored and seem to be on an open plain. I do not remember rising, or even falling to sleep at all. Suddenly, a familiar voice from behind me, “Miko?! Only you would be stubborn enough to try and kill me from the spirit world…”

I turn and see Hinjo with drawn steel advancing and immediately draw my own weapon to meet his indignantly, “What treachery is this?! You betray our people and not content to leave me be?”

Hinjo parries and becomes defensive now that his initial assault has been met, “What are you babbling about, Miko, I’m asleep on my junk and suddenly ‘poof’, here you are trying to kill me Twelve knows where.”

I slash, and slash, and slash my fury at this insolent man, “It is you who drew steel on me! You who have appeared to my own dream! You who will not let it be!”

He sidesteps and parries, only a minor wound on him as he ducks me, “Your dream? What are you…you’re alive?! And I did draw on you…Miko, on my honor as Leader of the Sapphire Guard, Lord of Azure City, and by the Twelve Gods themselves I will lay down my steel if you do the same.”

His words make no sense, but I know that while cowardly Hinjo will be held by his oath. I sheathe my sword cautiously, prepared to draw again at a moment’s foul play, but Hinjo stays to his word. I force the issue, “Why are you here?”

Hinjo is thoughtful, “If we are both asleep, then something has brought us here together. And if those few panels of fighting was all it took to calm down then I’m betting it’s about character development. Like I don’t have enough on my plate with the corrupt lords and protecting these citizens…”

His words make little sense to me, but it seems something has indeed drawn us here together. Perhaps I am meant to glean some purpose here…explaining my situation to Hinjo may help, “I was raised by the Resistance in Azure City’s ruins, but it was not so simple. The Twelve themselves put me on a quest and to atone(ment). Perhaps that is why we are here?”

Hinjo seems torn between emotions and words, as many flit across his confused face. He finally speaks cautiously, “I…see. Miko, why do you think the Twelve made you Fallen and now have atoning? Perhaps I can help you.”

I retort sharply with the obvious, “For killing a traitor! For trying to stop that Lich!”

Hinjo jumps pointedly in, “Yes, Miko, trying. Our best chance against Xykon was the Martyrs of the Guard, but when you shattered that gem we lost that chance. Besides them, you and those adventurers were our only real hopes of standing up to him. I agree my Uncle was guilty for treason, Miko, but he would stand trial overseen by me. When have you known me to be unfair or not to strictly follow our code?”

His words tear at my heart. My actions…allowed Xykon to go free? Led to so much suffering? How can this be… “I was…I was following the plan of the Twelve…”

Hinjo is sharp here, but he seems almost fatherly, “NO, Miko. In your own way you were indeed following that path, but that ended when you slew my uncle, a good if misguided man, who was unarmed, no threat, and about to be imprisoned to stand trial. For your own personal sense of betrayal, not for the citizens or the Guard. That act of selfish revenge was not selfless retribution, Miko. You saw how the city fared under my Uncle’s rule. Even though I detest his methods, you can see the results. Corrupt nobles kept in check for decades. Citizens allowed to live and prosper.”

How can he be right in this? But he must be, for he cannot lie…but how…how? “He mocked our laws and our Order, Hinjo!”

Hinjo was stern, and I could hear his anger at his uncle, “Yes, he did. But he let us do our duty and do it well. Not all good people are as bound by Law, Miko. We smite evil, Miko, we don’t smite chaos. That is why my uncle did not draw the ire of the Twelve, and neither did the Order of the Stick. They helped plan a defense more effective than one we could have done without aid, helped our citizens evacuate, and helped keep the nobles from establishing more power and abusing it. It does not conform to our code, Miko, but how is that evil?”

I cannot keep the tears from my eyes. He is telling me the truth, the truth I denied hearing until now. I whisper my doubt, “But I had a Purpose…”

Hinjo is fretful and exasperated now, “YES, Miko, and when you were truly fulfilling that purpose and acting like a human being you were beautiful. Something a Charisma score of 18 doesn’t hold a candle to! But the more you became focused on only duty, duty applied to everyone, duty over everyone, that went away. You became the cold instrument I had to send out, and perhaps some of this is my fault. If I had treated you like a human being instead of a Lawful Holy Weapon, maybe…I’m sorry, Miko. That we failed each other.”

In a flash, I see the dichotomy in his eyes. Those bright moments of memory where he saw me the way Matsumo did and the times when I was little more than a sword to swing. It breaks my heart to think that Matsumo thought of me the same way, that such joy was hit by a steel rod of my duty…my duty… “I don’t…understand, Hinjo…”

Suddenly his arms are around me, and there is no armor in the way. Only my shift and his trousers stand between us as his strong arms hold me to his strong chest. The tears come unbidden and I let him hold me, hear his hot whispers of apology and comfort through my pain. I look to him through haze, and he seems surrounded by an aura of comforting blue. I feel my own against his, more like blue-steel than the blue-sky. His eyes… “Even after everything, you still care? You still want to help me?”

Hinjo nods against me and takes a long, slow breath. “The Twelve would only let you come back and interfere if they believed in you, Miko. You have been cold tempered, and are being reforged. If they believe in you, Miko, then so do I.”

I nod and bury myself in his neck, knowing I cannot fight these tears. They come, and Hinjo holds me faithfully, comfortingly in his strong arms. It is only as my tears begin to dry that I notice how like Matsumo his body is, sculpted by duty, strong wherever we are pressed together. Beneath my hands, his back is the same, with strong shoulders and muscled purpose. His hands too are strong, and it is pleasant to feel them hold me. I look up again and see the sympathy in Hinjo’s eyes.

I find myself acting impulsively once more, holding his cheeks with my hands and kissing him slowly. He responds to me, his hands caressing down my back sends shivers through me. But he is my Lord now, and if I am a member of the Guard…I cannot, after so much, I cannot be here, anywhere but here! I whisper my pain to him as I flee, the dream following its own logic, “I am sorry, Hinjo, I cannot be here right now…”

His muttered comment about a cold salt-water bath follows me through the twisted realm of sleep as I toss and turn. Whether I wake or still I dream, I cannot bear to be there at this moment!

[Water-Smurf]

He'd remind the rest of Team Evil that just because they view him as the goody-two-shoes bitch, doesn't mean he can't stand up for himself and for those he cares about. I don't think he could get away with killing the Master - for one thing it undermines Xykon's threat - but I don't think the Master would go crying to Xykon if Reddy gave him a few broken ribs (or worse). Actually, I think the Master would have more to worry about from Xykon in case the Lich found out he'd disobeyed him.

This is assuming Reddy's more powerful than the Master; the Master's probably a reasonably high level, but so is Redcloak. Even if the Master is more powerful, he's also an old man and physically weaker than Reddy. With a little bit of planning Reddy could probably catch him at a time when he's used most his spells and - if all else fails - knock him out with a baseball bat.

Even with the circumstances, that is a hilarious image.

But regardless, I think that that's what Redcloak would do. Maybe he'd even try to do something to make sure it didn't happen again.

If Tiasal was raped because of something Reddy did, it gets a little more complicated. If Reddy gets caught trying to get revenge at the Master it's going to get both him and Tiasal in worse trouble. In that case, he might try to get revenge a little more stealthily, althought I don't know how. But whatever he did, he wouldn't act unless he was sure he wouldn't get caught.

What if she was raped because Master didn't restrain himself and Redcloak had nothing to do with it?

Did he even get a grave?

If he's not still walking around as a zombie, I'm sure Redcloak took some time to bury him once Xykon stopped paying attention.


And what would Redcloak do if he had to watch Vaarsuvius being violated in some way (molestation, rape, etc.) and he couldn't do anything about it lest harm come to V or Tia? (Ignore the implications of these questions. The audience doesn't know when/where I may use the answers if ever.)

[Zanaril]

But regardless, I think that that's what Redcloak would do. Maybe he'd even try to do something to make sure it didn't happen again.

I think deterring the cleric would be one of Reddy's reasons for getting revenge.

What if she was raped because Master didn't restrain himself and Redcloak had nothing to do with it?

Same as above, but he might not be able to refrain from killing him.

And what would Redcloak do if he had to watch Vaarsuvius being violated in some way (molestation, rape, etc.) and he couldn't do anything about it lest harm come to V or Tia?(Ignore the implications of these questions. The audience doesn't know when/where I may use the answers if ever.)

He'd be plotting revenge, that's what he'd be doing.

And here I was thinking that at least in PM, V isn't around to be used as leverage against Reddy. I can see Xykon forcing Reddy to ressurect V just so he can keep them apart.

[gosh]

That your first one? Nice!

And welcome to the Crack Pairings Thread! Here's your free sample of Brain Bleach!

Alright! Hope I won't be needing it too soon..

Okay that is much better then my latest work and this is your first.

Hey, I read your last one, it wasn't that bad.

Nice job. Pretty good for your first fic.

Thanks! (And thanks to the rest of you, too.)

Hey KnightMysterio, I liked your Miko/Vaarsuvius fic.. very amusing

[Water-Smurf]

And here I was thinking that at least in PM, V isn't around to be used as leverage against Reddy. I can see Xykon forcing Reddy to ressurect V just so he can keep them apart.

Hmmm... I've been trying to think of a way to get Vaarsuvius back in the game...

[NemoUtopia]

Hmmm... I've been trying to think of a way to get Vaarsuvius back in the game...

Not only would Xykon force such a thing, he would do so and use some kind of imprisonment/compulsion to make it stick. Or force the ressurection on the condition that the two of them talk it out between themselves so he can watch, THEN keep them apart. Or get the ressurection going but require a very strict, ah, 'dress code'. Ooo, in front of the whole school, to prove that Reddy isn't a failure and as part of his public censure for doing something say Xykon wouldn't strictly approve of [meaning he'd approve but have to punish to save face]. OOoh, ooo, or get V ressurected and then force payment for the materials through school service...such as gladitorial combat or similar 'school exams'. With certain members of affection. Crap, I think I broke the plot-bunny cage...

[Zanaril]

Hmmm... I've been trying to think of a way to get Vaarsuvius back in the game...

How long would it take Reddy to stop being estatic at the prospect of bringing V back, and to realise how much of a bad idea if would be? If Xykon ordered Reddy to ressurect her, he's going to catch on pretty quickly that Xykon isn't doing this to be nice to Reddy. At that point, he's stuck between disobeying Xykon and having Tia suffer for it, or allowing V to be at the mercy of a whole lot of people who wish her a world of hurt.

And remember, V has to agree to being ressurected.

OOoh, ooo, or get V ressurected and then force payment for the materials through school service

I think you're getting the stories mixed up.

[The Odor]

Miko/Vaarsuvius with a Love Potion as a plot device.

Spoiler

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(Author’s Note: Takes place in an alternate timeline where Miko didn’t kill Shojo, kept her paladin status, and was forced to join the party as penance for her murder attempts.”

Vaarsuvius frowned. Miko stood on the cliff below the one he (for purposes of this story Vaarsuvius will be male) and Durkon, giving Belkar another lecture on virtue and honor, while Roy was holding him off of the ground so he could keep Belkar from starting yet another fight with the paladin.

“This is beyond idiotic… We managed to stop her from killing one of the only people actively trying to stop this world’s destruction, and yet instead of her being sent off to learn from her mistakes, we get saddled with her?” Vaarsuvius snapped.

Durkon shrugged. “T’is nae for us to understand, lad. Lord Shojo felt that she could be taught t’control her pride by spending time under Roy’s command.”

Vaarsuvius sighed. “All that seems to be being tested is how long it takes before one of us snaps and kills her in her sleep.”

Durkon chuckled. “Ah, she means well, lad. She just does’nae know when to admit tha she’s wrong.”

Vaarsuvius shook his head. “She’s an egomaniac. The only reason I rate her higher than Belkar is that she won’t kill us all in our sleep.”

Durkon chuckled, and went off to a nearby temple to Thor to pray. “Give her time. The problem will work itself out,” he said.

“Bah,” Vaarsuvius said, looking down at Miko, Belkar, and Roy, the latter now trying to keep the former two from throttling each other. “There has to be a way for this to end. At the rate those two are going, I’m going to end up wasting spell slots just trying to keep them apart.”

A vicious thought occurred to him. “Unless… If that fool Miko were to suddenly acquire an irresistible attraction to… Aheh…”

Vaarsuvius grinned, looking around. “Let’s see… Now if I could only find a potion maker…”

As if on cue, the exact shop he needed entered his field of vision. “I just love convenient plot devices, don’t you?” he said to no one in particular, heading into the shop.

To his delight, the shop was run by an elf, who looked just as gender-ambiguous as he did. “Ah, good,” Vaarsuvius said, “That means the potions here will be quality.”

“The best in Azure City, my friend,” the shopkeeper said, “What can I do for you?”

“In an incredible display of bureaucratic incompetence, we have been forcefully assigned Lord Shojo’s most trigger-happy paladin as a member of our adventuring party,” Vaarsuvius said.

“Dear me. Miyazaki is adventuring with you?” the shopkeeper said.

Vaarsuvius nodded. “I’m afraid so. I haven’t been able to properly trance for the past week. She keeps thinking that I’m praying to the Gods and ‘joining in.’”

The shopkeeper sighed. “Poor fellow. What can I do for you, then?”

“I intend to focus her attentions elsewhere. And since I’m feeling rather malicious at the moment, I’m willing to take a hit to my alignment by tricking her into drinking a love potion and falling in love with our party’s Chaotic Evil member.”

The shopkeeper laughed. “Delightful! Let me get my strongest potion from the back.” The shopkeeper left for a moment and returned, holding a bottle with pink liquid in it. “Here. Our most potent potion. Make sure that the Chaotic Evil member is the first thing she sees, however, because she’ll fall in love with whomever she’s looking at the moment it takes effect.”

Vaarsuvius nodded. “I will remember,” he said, “And thank you. How much do I owe you?”

“It’s been ages since I’ve seen another elf,” the shopkeeper said, “For you? No charge.”

Vaarsuvius grinned. “My thanks,” he said, exiting the shop. He went looking for the others. Elan and Haley were off somewhere talking, Durkon was at the temple of Thor praying (and partying, it sounded like), Roy was off at an item shop restocking supplies, and Miko and Belkar were off sulking, Belkar near a tavern, Miko near a park.

Vaarsuvius chuckled. “Perfect,” he said. He went over to Belkar first. “How would you like to get back at Miko for being so horrible to you?”

Belkar grinned viciously. “You had me at ‘get back at Miko.’ So what’s the plan?” he asked, drawing his daggers, “Stab out her spleen and then turn her blood into cream cheese?”

Vaarsuvius paused, actually considering it. “No, I think we’ll save that for someone we want dead.”

Belkar scowled. “You seem to have forgotten whom you are talking to, here. I don’t do non-lethal,” he said. He then remembered something and scowled. “Or at least I don’t do non-lethal when I’m not under the effects of this stupid curse mark…”

Vaarsuvius chuckled. “Trust me. What I have planned will make that imbecile paladin regret her arrogance.”

The two tracked down Miko, who was kneeling in the middle of a grove in the public park and praying. “What do you two want?” she snapped, without opening her eyes.

Vaarsuvius blinked. “How did you know we were coming?”

“The halfling stinks. His very odor offends my existence,” Miko said, still not turning around. Belkar, fuming, started to say something, but Vaarsuvius clamped a hand over his mouth.

“I have simply come to offer you a refreshment,” Vaarsuvius said, “An all-natural fruit drink from a nearby stand.”

Miko frowned, and gazed at him suspiciously.

Vaarsuvius shoved Belkar behind him quickly. “There is no ulterior motive here. We will be setting out soon and it would be better for the group if we are all out our best. I have already given drinks to the others.”

Miko stared at the pink potion, trying to decide whether or not to trust the gesture. Finally, she decided to just be polite. “Thank you,” she said, accepting the potion, “I appreciate the gesture, although I see no reason why the accursed halfling had to accompany you.”

“Sometimes Belkar needs to have certain concepts reinforced,” he said, “Like such as general politeness.”

Miko chuckled. “More like all times,” she said, uncorking the bottle and taking a drink. Almost immediately, she staggered, the potion taking effect almost immediately.

“Now for the fun part,” Vaarsuvius said, picking up Belkar, “Once the love potion takes effect and she falls head over heels for you…”

“WHOA!” Belkar said, cutting Vaarsuvius’s hand and flipping out of his grasp, “Hot she may be, she’s also a festering bitch and I want nothing to do with her!”

Before the elven mage could react, Belkar got behind him drop kicked him in the back of his knees, sending him stumbling into Miko’s grasp. “Besides,” Belkar added, grinning viciously, “I think this’ll be funnier.”

“You fur-footed FOOL!” Vaarsuvius snarled, “Get in front of her now before…”

“You…” Miko hissed, staring right into the elf’s eyes. Vaarsuvius gulped hard, and turned, expecting to see his death…

When Miko suddenly lunged forward and kissed him, needless to say, he was surprised.

Belkar was quite literally rolling around laughing. “I was right! This WAS funnier!”

Miko broke the kiss after a long moment, Vaarsuvius struggling in vain to get away from the much stronger woman. “Beloved…” Miko said, “Beautiful, beloved elf, who’s heart is as pure as that of the Gods, who’s beauty outclasses all things… How could I have not realized how wonderful you are?”

“Madame, please…” Vaarsuvius said, struggling to get his arms free to cast an escape spell.

Miko held him tight, clutching him to her armored chest. “Feel it, my love… My heart, it thunders with my passion for you… I swear in the name of the Twelve Gods, I will do everything in my power to bring you pleasure.”

Vaarsuvius whimpered softly. He struggled, managing to get his head to the side so head could breath again. And speak. “Madame… Miss Miyazaki please…”

Miko looked to the sky, gently stroking the elf’s hair. “I see now… I see now that the Gods have chosen to bless me by bringing us together. For truly there can be no love as strong as ours!”

That did it. Managing to roll natural 20 on a strength check, he forced his way out of Miko’s grasp. “Madame, while I appreciate your offer, I have to inform you that I am happily married and have two children!”

Miko blinked, a hurt look coming to her face “You are?”

Belkar scratched his head, musing on this revelation. “Really? Cause you don’t seem like the ‘settle down and have kids’ type… Very least I bet you don’t pay attention to them much…”

Vaarsuvius gave the halfling a murderous look before his attention back to Miko. “I hope we can part on even terms, Miss Miyazaki. I know this revelation will hurt you, but I believe it is for the best that we…”

Vaarsuvius never got to finish his sentence, as Miko just giggled girlishly (an action that got Belkar laughing wildly again), hugging the elf to her chest again.

“Silly elf,” she said, “It doesn’t matter. Love will conquer all! And if this mate of yours is someone you deemed worthy to let into your heart, then I can love her… him… whichever, just as much!”

“Sweet merciful Gods…” Vaarsuvius moaned.

“Yes, yes they are,” Miko agreed, kissing Vaarsuvius lovingly.

Belkar snickered, and picked up the bottle Miko had dropped. “Crazy Keidraka’s Eternal Love Mixture. Guaranteed to last one human lifetime or the resurrection is free. Warning: Subjects affected become incredibly cheerful and slow to anger. Subjects affected will not listen to reason and simply adjust their romantic delusions accordingly,” he read.

Vaarsuvius groaned. His plan had backfired so badly… Inkyrius was going to slaughter him…

“OH!” Miko said, “That reminds me! If your mate has trouble with the concept of our love, perhaps he… she… whatever, would be accepting of me as a pet? I know where I can find a plethora of erotic costumes, as well as the locaiton of a book of species-specific ways of giving physical pleasure.”

Belkar blinked. “And where would a Stick-Up-Her-Ass Paladin like you know where such things are?”

Miko blinked, as if noticing Belkar for the first time. “Hm? Oh, I raided a succubus’s den a few months back. It’s all in the evidence locker. I wanted to protect the other paladins from being tempted, so I put a magical seal on them. Only I can access the box they are all stored in.”

Belkar grinned lavaciously. “Really now… I think maybe you and I should go check these out. I am pretty familiar with V’s tastes, and I think I may know what he’d like.”

Vaarsuvius tried to protest, but his face was buried in Miko’s armored bosom again.

At which point, Roy, Durkon, Haley, and Elan showed up.

“…Do I even want to know what’s going on?” Roy asked.

Vaarsuvius grinned weakly. “I assure you there is a logical explanation for this. And I am certain I will be able to think of it in fairly short order.”

Miko grinned, and said, “I have come to the realization that this elf is the greatest living being in the universe and have decided to become his slave for life!”

Belkar just grinned savagely, tossing them the bottle.

Durkon facepalmed. Haley began snickering, burying her face in Elan’s shoulder. Roy just shook his head, rubbing his temples. Elan just stared blankly at the bottle. “A love potion…?” he said. His face brightened as an idea came to him, and he declared, “Vaarsuvius is in love with Miko!”

“And I adore him in return!” Miko said, hugging Vaarsuvius tightly.

Belkar and Haley collapsed, unable to contain their laughter.

Vaarsuvius groaned. “I have to reverse this,” he said.

Roy smirked. “Do that. But consider this: She is SAVAGELY devoted to the law. How will she react to you once the effects of the love potion wore off?”

Vaarsuvius froze, considering his options.

==========================================
1 month after the Order of the Stick saved the world…
==========================================

Vaarsuvius nervously sat down with his mate, Miko standing loyally by his side. “Kyrie? My beloved? Firstly, I wish to apologize for leaving you alone all this time in my pursuit of power. Secondly… um… before I continue, let me introduce paladin Miko Miyazaki.”

Miko smiled cheerfully and bowed to Inkyrius, the green-haired elf visibly taken aback. “Greetings oh most worthy wife of my beloved whom I love just as much by extension since my beloved Vaarsuvius deemed you worthy enough to marry his magnificent self therefore you must be just as wonderful,” Miko said, all in a single breath (amazingly enough).

Inkyrius just stared open-mouthed at Miko, her proclamation having stunned the green-haired elf into silence. Inkyrius then glared at Vaarsuvius, demanding an explanation.

Vaarsuvius chuckled nervously. “Ah… A potion-based punishment to an associate of mine backfired tremendously… Miko is going to be staying with us a while…”

If you can write more things like this with the same quality then I will build a shrine to your honor.

Alright! Hope I won't be needing it too soon..



Hey, I read your last one, it wasn't that bad.



Thanks! (And thanks to the rest of you, too.)

Hey KnightMysterio, I liked your Miko/Vaarsuvius fic.. very amusing

Yours was was still better. You are a skilled writer.

[NemoUtopia]

I think you're getting the stories mixed up.

*Goes back and reads carefully* Uh...maybe. But everyone loves a crossover?

[The Odor]

Hey you people that know DnD what classes can take the Oracle prestige class?

[Water-Smurf]

How long would it take Reddy to stop being estatic at the prospect of bringing V back, and to realise how much of a bad idea if would be? If Xykon ordered Reddy to ressurect her, he's going to catch on pretty quickly that Xykon isn't doing this to be nice to Reddy. At that point, he's stuck between disobeying Xykon and having Tia suffer for it, or allowing V to be at the mercy of a whole lot of people who wish her a world of hurt.

That's a horrible decision to have to make. Your wife's well-being or your daughter's? But what would Xykon's motivation be?

And remember, V has to agree to being ressurected.

I think that she would consent for Redcloak's and Tiasal's sakes. She does love them, and it would be pretty easy to tell that they were in a bind.

[The Odor]

That's a horrible decision to have to make. Your wife's well-being or your daughter's? But what would Xykon's motivation be?



I think that she would consent for Redcloak's and Tiasal's sakes. She does love them, and it would be pretty easy to tell that they were in a bind.

Crap I haven't commented about your stories in a long while. In like the school story (you can write teenage boys.) and were your moving the Redcloak X V one.

[Zanaril]

But what would Xykon's motivation be?

Maybe the Master is no longer around, or no longer interested in Tiasal, and Xykon needs a new threat to hold over Reddy's head? Or maybe he just wants a back-up plan, or some further motivation to get Reddy not to misbehave.

Or he could just be bored. Furthermore, if V's soul-bound presumably the only thing Xykon can do to her is either keep her soul as it is, or release her. Maybe throw her into the Snarl and destroy her, but that's not for certain. So assuming that V is "safe" as she is, Tiasal's the only barganing chip he has at the moment. And Reddy's the only way Xykon has of ressurecting V.

Furthermore, to escape Reddy would only have to find a way to get himself and Tiasal out; V is still soulbound, but at least until they eventually defeat Xykon she's relatively safe. But if V was alive, Reddy would have to get himself and Tiasal and Vaarsuvius out at the same time, or whoever was left behind would be punished.

The only real benefit of having V soul-bound is that he can keep an eye on her location 24/7. And if need arose, he could always kill and soulbind V again.

Alternatively: for the Evulz.

[NemoUtopia]

Zanzaril, if you'd stop being such a ninja and keeping me sorted out between stories I might be able to contribute some useful thoughts! Seriously though, everytime I think of something to post I find that Zan has already posted it by using my 'refresh' button. Silly 'forum ninja' prestige class...

[EDIT]Oh, and seriously gosh, you're being modest. That really is quality writing![/edit]


Anyway, here's 'Miko's Heart' Part 5, wherein much is revealed on the nature of life and relationships and it is proven that even dead men are...well...men.

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Fate is cruel, for it seems my need to be anywhere but with Hinjo was taken far too literally. I see Lord Shojo reclining in a pillowed chair, enjoying some beverage I care nothing about. I keep from drawing steel, for if I am here it must be by the Gods. It seems little use to slay the dead. “You! First Hinjo and now you?!”

Shojo’s usually nonchalant insolence is broken with genuine surprise, “Miko? I don’t understand, why are you here?”

I confront this old codger, advancing as surely as though I held my blade, “Does it matter? Your betrayal, your cursed lies…how could you?!”

Shojo averts his eyes for a moment before matching my assault, “I lied about many things Miko. But when I took you from that monastery I did not lie, and it truly broke my heart to tell the truth. The Gods, and it seems Fate, had chosen you. In my duty to the people of Azure City, it is easy to forget the personal cost. I threw you to the wolves and never was there for you, or provided someone to be there. Of all my questionable choices, Miko, I cannot excuse that one. I treated you like a casualty of war, forgetting that I could prevent it.”

He speaks…the truth; his sorrow is clear…but how? If he was wrong, then HOW?! In the monastery I was comfortable and had purpose, order, meaning. Training for the Sapphire Guard was ordered, meaningful, and had purpose, but there was no comfort there. I followed because what choice did I have? The words rise from me, and only force of will keeps my blade sheathed, “You…stole…my…life…from me. Threw out false comfort that I was doing my duty, that I was obeying the Twelve…you who openly mocked that very duty! Those very laws!!! ‘Why yes, little girl, I will take you from the only family you’ve ever known and use you until you die defending a cause I only believe in by proxy and mock that very purpose while you bleed and suffer for it’!!!”

I see a sharp retort die on his lips as he jerks as though I had slapped him. It seems the truth cuts all equally, even this cursed man! Yet he makes excuses even now, “I had hoped that purity I saw would serve you and keep you, Miko. I may be rather creative in applying the law, but I knew a truly good heart and soul. I am sorry for my part in tarnishing it.” A long moment of silence between us, as I grind my teeth and Shojo closes his eyes. But suddenly he draws breath again and his disgraceful self in full once more, “But hey, at least that Charisma score didn’t fail you.”

I am wearing…a skimpy two-piece swimsuit? Why am I oiled? !!! “You dirty old man, stop this nonsense right now!”

I am once more wearing my combat armor, and am NOT blushing as I confront him, “What are you playing at!”

Shojo shakes his head sadly, “Miko, it is true that I made a grievous error. Perhaps my nephew shares some of the blame, having taken more after me than he believes. Perhaps the rest of the Sapphire Guard shares blame, for just not trying to be human with you. But Miko, regardless of who else, is to blame, you allowed it to happen. You closed off and never really reached out to what or who was there. Is it the Twelve’s fault for everything that happened in your life just because they made you? Is the blacksmith truly to blame with how the tools he sells are used? Even if it is a mastersmith weapon with gold embroidery he took twenty to Craft…”

The blush threatens me again as I assert my own control over my clothing again, “Stop it! How can you say that I have blame here?”

Shojo is abrupt now, “Miko, we make choices. That is what makes us human. And we…are…responsible…for…those…choices. Whatever forces act on us, we must take responsibility for our choices, and I do take responsibility for mine. But take responsibility for yourself, Miko. A Lawful alignment is not an excuse to blame a Chaotic Neutral world for all your troubles. Do you think I went blithely through my life? That I never had moments while being groomed to rule that I questioned myself, the Twelve, everyone else? You’re not the only NPC who’s had to suffer through pain in their back-story, Miko; you’re part of a world’s population of them.”

He mocks me! Even now he mocks me! Suddenly I realize he is not as old as I remember, only bordering into grey hair with thick black hair, and his body in those swim-trunks shows a lot of family resemblance to Hinjo’s…by the Twelve, what is this madness?! Shojo chuckles at my renewed blushing, “What? You’re not that only one with freakishly high Charisma and used to keep in shape, you know. How else do you think I managed to rule a city and keep citizens mostly free of those moronic nobles’ politics for so long?”

I tried to reason with this lunatic, “I have accepted that you and Roy were not working with Xykon as I thought, that I misunderstood my purpose, because otherwise I would not have faced such trials, much less be here having this ridiculous conversation. Do not mock me on my quest!”

Shojo speaks, “Your quest? But you’re like my old girlfriends and dead like me…oh. Oh, dear.” He immediately becomes fatherly, concerned, “Miko, listen to me. Much as I was a paranoid old man who had some issues with the truth, I swear to you before the Twelve Gods, may they damn me to the pits of the Abyss if I lie, that I speak the truth now. You are in real danger now, but if you come through so much will be set right.”

This honorless dog has sworn such on an oath even he cannot break, but still it is hard to listen to him, “Remember that little girl, Miko. Remember what it was like in the monastery when you weren’t training, the times in the Guard when even all you paladins acted like decent human beings to each other. Sometimes, even among pain and sorrow, there is a gem of a lesson that will shape your life for the better, forever. Law and order, much as I cannot bear to watch the farce of it sometimes, has a place but do not let them take your very humanity, Miko. Not your heart. You can still shine like the sun! Remember.”

No…no-no-no-no-NO! I shove Shojo away, this lying, treacherous old dog in an undeserved paradise and flee. This injustice…he must be twisting the truth somehow! I cannot face his words, his perversion, his disgracefulness! I need so hard to be away that once more I am in my body, awake and exhausted beneath the moonless night. I must know the truth. I must. KNOW. There are ways to find out, ways I am no longer bound to avoid…how can I think such a thing?! I lie awake and am alone with my torment, beneath the cold, glinting stars…

[Water-Smurf]

Maybe the Master is no longer around, or no longer interested in Tiasal, and Xykon needs a new threat to hold over Reddy's head? Or maybe he just wants a back-up plan, or some further motivation to get Reddy not to misbehave.

Or he could just be bored. Furthermore, if V's soul-bound presumably the only thing Xykon can do to her is either keep her soul as it is, or release her. Maybe throw her into the Snarl and destroy her, but that's not for certain. So assuming that V is "safe" as she is, Tiasal's the only barganing chip he has at the moment. And Reddy's the only way Xykon has of ressurecting V.

Furthermore, to escape Reddy would only have to find a way to get himself and Tiasal out; V is still soulbound, but at least until they eventually defeat Xykon she's relatively safe. But if V was alive, Reddy would have to get himself and Tiasal and Vaarsuvius out at the same time, or whoever was left behind would be punished.

The only real benefit of having V soul-bound is that he can keep an eye on her location 24/7. And if need arose, he could always kill and soulbind V again.

Alternatively: for the Evulz.

But how would he keep control of Vaarsuvius? Presumably the same way he controls Redcloak, but V is much more rash and more likely to blast her way out. Xykon's an epic-level sorcerer and should be able to control her fine, yeah, but not if she has the support of the next-highest level'd person in the tower and not if he's trying to keep her alive.

Hmmm... *idea pops up*

[NemoUtopia]

But how would he keep control of Vaarsuvius? Presumably the same way he controls Redcloak, but V is much more rash and more likely to blast her way out. Xykon's an epic-level sorcerer and should be able to control her fine, yeah, but not if she has the support of the next-highest level'd person in the tower and not if he's trying to keep her alive.

Hmmm... *idea pops up*

Okay, I got this one. Xykon's control over Redcloak stems directly from his position to make demands: without him, Redcloak can not fulfill his plan. So as much as he despises it, he is in many ways bound and subservient to Xykon. Not to mention Xykon's power level, let alone lichdom. As to keeping control of V, we've already seen how V reacts to threats to family. If the most rational course of action is to keep pleasing Xykon to prevent an epic contingency or 'dead man's switch' (pun intended) from going off / keeping Xykon from pressing the proverbial trigger...all it would take would be a demonstration (if another is needed) that V does not have the means, even through allies, of circumventing or countering Xykon's control. Is it cliche? Well, it's starting to become one. But it works, and I trust you can be far more creative with it than I can.



Oh, and Odor, assuming you mean Divine Oracle from the Divine supplements...I don't have the book on hand, but it doesn't actually require Cleric levels, just the ability to cast (so access to by class or in spellbook) some divination spells, which is actually a school of magic all casters (even bard) can get. The actual catch is ranks in Knowledge (religion) and the Skill Focus (Knowledge [religion]) feat. Off-hand, Clerics and Wizards have easy access to the skill, but other classes would tend to have it as cross-class (Sorcerers, for example). Checking up in the PHB reveals that Bards have all knowledge skill accessible, but druids don't get knowledge [religion], just [nature]. Still, it would be easy for any casting class to schmooze one level of cleric, bard, or wizard specifically to spend points to meet the requirement. So:
Easy Oracles: Cleric, Wizard, Bards. Non-standard bass class Shugenja.
Cross-class Oracles: Any other caster.



And as to the afterlife, it seems that those who don't espouse a particular deity/panthenon go to their alignment's plane. So Therkla could be all over the map, and 'limbo' probably qualifies her as a visitor to other planes as a temporary plot device.

[icastflare!]

mr scruffyx entire hobgolin army............must remember to buy more brain bleach but why not
and the

Spoiler

Show

After the siege of azure city and the death of shojo, much was lost. Kids were separated from there parents, spouse from spouse, family from family. But one who was forgotten in the wake was mr scruffy. His master was gone and he had to scrounge up as much cat nip as he could.
One day while he was walking through the rubble, a hobgoblin noticed him. He petted mr scruffy and the cat meowed. He had never had a cat before and called over his friends. soon they called for more, and more, and soon the entire hobgoblin army was there.
Soon under Mr scruffies leadership, they dethrowned xykon and killed redcloak. Soon he turned them into a warband of chaos. They would be the scourge of the world. All would know the rulle of scruffy the terrible.

best.story.ever

[CoffeeIncluded]

But how would he keep control of Vaarsuvius? Presumably the same way he controls Redcloak, but V is much more rash and more likely to blast her way out. Xykon's an epic-level sorcerer and should be able to control her fine, yeah, but not if she has the support of the next-highest level'd person in the tower and not if he's trying to keep her alive.

Hmmm... *idea pops up*

Oooh... *Grins and eagerly waits*

[Felyndiira]

I can't make a story out of the pairing I got, so here's a banner instead =D:

[CoffeeIncluded]

....What's the blue thing?

[NemoUtopia]

I can't make a story out of the pairing I got, so here's a banner instead =D:

This is NemoUtopia, and I fully support this compromise to the story making dilemma! Good stuff

[Felyndiira]

....What's the blue thing?

It's a crystal. Roy's Sword x Crystal.

[Aaron]

It's a crystal. Roy's Sword x Crystal.

.... Allow me to share Coffee's dumstruckness. Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.........................

[NemoUtopia]

It's a crystal. Roy's Sword x Crystal.

Uh...Crystal the crazy-assassin-thieves-guild-bimbo-Haly's-arch-enemy. From Greysky.

[Felyndiira]

Uh...Crystal the crazy-assassin-thieves-guild-bimbo-Haly's-arch-enemy. From Greysky.

...oops, forgot >.<.

I still like my interpretation better, though XD.

[CoffeeIncluded]

It's a crystal. Roy's Sword x Crystal.

Though I do suppose...

Also, guess why I'm giggling right now.

Hint: It has to do with an older video game that I decided to replay because I got bored and a resemblance to a certain character from OOTS.

[NemoUtopia]

Miko's Heart, part 6:

Spoiler

Show

I rise with the dawn, my training keeping me focused though I am tired. I move more like a golem than a human, numb with…everything. There has so much to accept, so much so fast. But I must know. It gnaws at me like a ghoul on a bone, no matter how I try to ignore it. I can find out. It would be so easy. The morning passes without a soul on this road, but this does not surprise me. Am I not on a forsaken trail? Naturally, the one time I could use a good fight there is not a random encounter to be found. It is forcing myself to break for lunch that I make my choice.

I must eat and stay warm to survive, and the hot food revives some part of me. I finish my provision and draw slowly on the earring from Karla. If she could help me, I would not have to resort to this…but she is just an adventurer. Even if she knew the right divinations, the chances were small she could aid me. I sigh before sucking in air, before I shout the one word I need, “QARR!!!”

With a flash of acrid smoke the bothersome imp appears and asks in that grating voice, “Heya, toots, knew you’d come back sometime. Ready to sign on the dotted line and get your inner blackguard on?”

My answer to this, at least, is firm, “No.”

Qarr flits through the air and with a puff a pen appears, “Of course, of cou…wait, waddaya mean ‘no’? You called me, toots, I don’t get infinite credit on the Interplanar Express here. Give me on good reason not to Plane Shift my ass out of his Gods forsaken place.”

I ignore the imp’s blathering and answer him, “I need to know more, first.”

Qarr grins evilly and snickers, “Ah, a reluctant holdout I see. Well, if you need a good chat to get past that useless morality, I know exactly who you need to see. Miko, meet my Boss…es.”

The world grows dark, and I am both comforted and unnerved as the sun seems to go behind a shimmering curtain of black. There is no puff of smoke, no settling affect…in a moment as sudden as two unique scenes pasted together there just is a swirling darkness as three cloaked figures rise before me. They are different that I can see only from their eyes, glowing three uniquely fiendish colors.

Yellow: “Greetings, Miko.”

Orange: “The pleasure is ours.”

Purple: “Heard you could use some clarification, and we’ve recently had a high level encounter of the ‘uncomfortable truth’ variety.”

These three…can help me understand. I do what I must, “I would hear your offer, foul ones.”

Orange: “Only ‘foul’? Such a flatterer.”

Purple: “We offer you power, Miko, to do with as you see fit. As a limited time offer, we are providing an additional incentive…”

Yellow: “…the truth of alignment, your heart, and your path.”

I bellow in frustration at these Outsiders, wishing so very much that I could smite insolence, “Enough games! Tell me!”

Purple: “Some things are absolute, but alignment is…bendy. How else could we gain followers without breaking their minds? You are a creature of Law, it has always been your comfort…”

Orange: “…but not your salvation. Good and Evil are fickle enough, trying to gain souls at every turn. I think it’s clear which team we’d rather you play for.”

Yellow: “We offer complete health and dental, the power to lay down the Law as you choose, and a consort to meet the needs the ‘good guys’ never met.”

Purple: “Affection and attention. A real hottie.”

Orange: “Devotion and loyalty. A real team player.”

Yellow: “Security and validation. A true soul mate.”

Purple: “As an additional bonus, we’d be happy to Dominate one of your choosing. Even bring them to you from anywhere in the multiverse.”

Orange: “You could go back to your Twelve, of course. Become a shining beacon of ‘good’. Never be sure of your own emotions or if you are ‘good’ enough."

Yellow: “Deal with those weak nobles and paladins, constantly struggling to do the right thing when nothing seems to be going right."

Purple: “Risk heartbreak from a fickle mortal who doesn’t truly know themselves. Relationships and goodness that won’t guide you, but make you make choices.”

I hear their words, like silk along my skin and a cool breeze on a hot day, the small comforts that I used to think had no meaning. Their offer…I could make the nobles obey the law. Make the law that protects and serves able to withstand their selfish influences. I could make Hinjo see the truth, stop Xykon, have back Matsumo. Or anyone. AND anyone. Of my choosing! The faint taste of that power, of promises that would be upheld, rules that could not be broken…

I felt their next words caress me like a lover before setting me aside:

Purple: “We understand it’s a big choice. One that may take some consideration…or sleeping ALONE on. A shame for one as beautiful as you, but necessary.”

Orange: “Indeed. We’re willing to extend the offer up to and until you call us again, with expiration of our quality guarantee if the choice is not made in a full thirty days. You couldn’t ask for a better kegger invitation.”

Yellow: “Just remember who has let you down, Miko. Who has let you down, and who is here for you now. Willing to be there for you even after death itself…”

Suddenly, all four fiends are gone, and I am alone on a bleakly sunny day with a cold breeze torturing my skin. I have a choice to make, of whose arms to accept. Whose words to trust. Whose comfort to take. And who I truly am…

[gosh]

Yours was was still better. You are a skilled writer.

Thanks!

[EDIT]Oh, and seriously gosh, you're being modest. That really is quality writing![/edit]

Why thank you!

I just got an idea for another crackfic.. -scribblescribble-

[BatRobin]

What's T7's title?

[CoffeeIncluded]

I just got an idea for another crackfic.. -scribblescribble-

Ooh boy!

And come on! Guess why I was in a giggle fit earlier about a certain character in a certain older game I decided to replay out of boredom who resembles a certain character in OOTS in both appearance and manner!

EDIT: GAAAGGHH!! My mom bought cookies for the family and my brother went and ate the entire box and then lied about it!

I didn't get any cookies...