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2012-11-15, 02:02 PM (ISO 8601)
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- Oct 2008
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- Xin-Shalast
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Re: Relationship Woes and Advice 23: Answer Unclear, Try Again
Well, my English Teacher paramour broke things off with me because apparently the guilt was driving her mad.
Would've been nice if it were before she was begging me to come over and then went full cray-cray, but c'est la vie.
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2012-11-15, 02:02 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Oct 2008
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- Freljord
Re: Relationship Woes and Advice 23: Answer Unclear, Try Again
In my country we have a saying: "no news is good news."
This does not apply to relationships with people.
Not hearing from someone for two weeks kinda grates me. :|Homebrewer's Signature | Avatar by Strawberries
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2012-11-15, 02:03 PM (ISO 8601)
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- Oct 2008
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- Xin-Shalast
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Re: Relationship Woes and Advice 23: Answer Unclear, Try Again
Agreed. I ran into something very much like that myself recently.
It is a very curious piece of misapplied feminism that results in the strange belief that the only person whose thoughts, feelings, or schedule matters is the woman and any kind of compromise or discussion is sexist oppression.
C'est la guerre, I suppose, given the number of self-described anti-feminists or completely apathetic women that I've encountered it in.
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2012-11-15, 02:18 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Oct 2008
- Location
- Freljord
Re: Relationship Woes and Advice 23: Answer Unclear, Try Again
If that is supposed to be a thing, I guess it's applicable moreso to your area than in general. My ex wasn't at all like that, for instance. With regards to this girl, I understand that's she's very busy (she's studying to become a dentist), but I like being in contact fairly regularly, however briefly. Texting doesn't seem to cut it for her, as she doesn't keep her phone with her most of the day as to not be disturbed during classes (they might not even be allowed in there, I forgot if she mentioned that).
Anyway, I decided to re-install WhatsApp on my smartphone, since she has her iPod with her more often than her Nokia phone and can apparently use WhatsApp on it. See if she replies to pokes on there.Homebrewer's Signature | Avatar by Strawberries
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2012-11-15, 02:55 PM (ISO 8601)
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- Oct 2008
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- Xin-Shalast
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Re: Relationship Woes and Advice 23: Answer Unclear, Try Again
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2012-11-15, 03:05 PM (ISO 8601)
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- Sep 2007
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- Finland
- Gender
Re: Relationship Woes and Advice 23: Answer Unclear, Try Again
As a general question - I just made a profile on OKCupid, and I was wondering what's a good first message to send to someone? Is there an etiquette of any kind? Apart from A) Be attractive, B) Don't be unattractive and C) Don't be a creepy bastard (my personal addition).
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2012-11-15, 03:17 PM (ISO 8601)
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- Oct 2008
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- Xin-Shalast
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2012-11-15, 03:18 PM (ISO 8601)
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- Mar 2011
- Gender
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2012-11-15, 04:06 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Oct 2008
- Location
- Xin-Shalast
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Re: Relationship Woes and Advice 23: Answer Unclear, Try Again
Say, what was that term that was developed for the thread as an alternative to partner/lover/boytoy/etc.?
edit: Kerfluffington? Gerrinton? Gerdonkle? Merfonkle? Gedonkle?
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2012-11-15, 04:23 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Aug 2006
- Location
- Leeds, UK
- Gender
Re: Relationship Woes and Advice 23: Answer Unclear, Try Again
- Go for profile pictures of you outside doing something. Pictures taken of people just against the wall of their room or from a webcam look much less attractive and more inherently creepy than pictures of you out there doing something - even if it's just standing by a tree looking sheepish.
- Two-three sentences is good. More than just "hello darling" or "Hey, I have a <genitals> and you have a <genitals>, 'ey? 'ey?". Commenting on something the person mentioned on their profile is good. Don't do too long a reply, however - people will go "TL;DR" and ignore it, sadly, no matter what the content."I'm just going on motive and opportunity here and the fact that if the earth got swallowed by a black hole, I'd look suspiciously in your direction first."
~ Timberwolf
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2012-11-15, 05:02 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- May 2009
Re: Relationship Woes and Advice 23: Answer Unclear, Try Again
This article is a pretty good look at the situation.
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2012-11-15, 06:20 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Oct 2008
- Location
- Freljord
Re: Relationship Woes and Advice 23: Answer Unclear, Try Again
Starting up talk about something you both find interesting is probably a good start. I have an account there I only used for a month or so, but I got a pretty good reaction after I asked a lady about her Stargate blog.
...if you're talking about sending messages in written form, rather than the kind of "making a first impression".Homebrewer's Signature | Avatar by Strawberries
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2012-11-15, 06:36 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- May 2012
- Location
- Aldain
- Gender
Re: Relationship Woes and Advice 23: Answer Unclear, Try Again
I can certainly help you there, depending on what you're looking for and how you want to go about it. I just warn you that many girls are absolutely swamped with messages, and many don't take the time to message back to the ones they aren't interested in. Even the most promising could turn out to be a let down. However, I've also had some nice luck on there as well.
If you'd like to be more specific, or message me, I can cater to your specific needs.
I'm assuming you don't mean MULWIPAR....so how about PILTFER - Person I Love To Fondle - Exnay RelationshipLast edited by TheWombatOfDoom; 2012-11-15 at 06:47 PM.
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2012-11-15, 07:11 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Jun 2006
- Location
- Dinosaur Museum aw yisss.
- Gender
Re: Relationship Woes and Advice 23: Answer Unclear, Try Again
Everyone's pretty much said it, so I'll basically reiterate: pick up on something in their profile, and start a conversation on that. Ask one or two questions that invite an answer, and that can further contribute to conversation. Avoid commenting on physical stuff, I think, unless there's something particularly distinctive (e.g. funky hair colour, weird bit of clothing).
On the other hand, I recently started an ongoing conversation by just saying "Nothing much to say, but I like your style".The Iron Avatarist Hall of Fame!
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2012-11-15, 09:01 PM (ISO 8601)
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- Feb 2009
Re: Relationship Woes and Advice 23: Answer Unclear, Try Again
So: cute girl in a class. I managed to get her out to coffee with me by saying I'd like to hear about the thesis to her research paper (I actually do want to hear it). How do I move from that -> friendship -> romance? Tipz plox.
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2012-11-15, 09:37 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Nov 2012
Re: Relationship Woes and Advice 23: Answer Unclear, Try Again
I feel like the intentional move from friendship to romance will always appear artificial. Just be her friend and wait and see if something develops; if nothing does, it's not as though a dozen roses would've changed things, you know? There's nothing wrong with making it clear you like her after you've gotten to know her, or even asking her out, I just mean trying to move the relationship in a more romantic direction before doing that often seems artificial and forced.
As for going from acquaintances to friends, just make it clear that you like hanging out with her and enjoy her contributions to topics of mutual interest. The thesis is a great way to do this, since it gives a lot more indication of what somebody's like than the usual small-talk, but there's not too much added pressure.
I don't think it's so much personal hallucination, but I also don't think it has much of anything to do with women or feminism. Typically, people believe (regardless of their sex) that the only thoughts, feelings, and schedule that matters is their own, even if they don't think so consciously or openly. Whenever someone is called out on this, it is obviously not his or her fault and is instead a result of him or her being oppressed, bullied, or what-have-you by whoever had the audacity to suggest they were being anything less than reasonably. The important thing to remember about most people of either sex is that they are convinced they are always right and they/their priorities are the most important, provided anyone else matters at all.
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2012-11-15, 10:27 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Jun 2006
- Location
- Dinosaur Museum aw yisss.
- Gender
Re: Relationship Woes and Advice 23: Answer Unclear, Try Again
Random but tangentially related: My sister's recently joined OKCupid and is enjoying enormous success with it. I'm somewhat jealous, but on the other hand the sort of interactions she's having aren't really the sort of interactions I particularly want, so oh well I guess...
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2012-11-16, 01:09 AM (ISO 8601)
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- Oct 2008
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- Xin-Shalast
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Re: Relationship Woes and Advice 23: Answer Unclear, Try Again
I don't think it was the casual sociopathy or solipsism of selfishness alone when I've encountered it. Certainly it's a component, but you usually don't get the fires of dogma with solipsism and all.
Well, there's the old conventional standby of outmoded gender roles for comparison. Be attractive. Don't be unattractive. Show charisma/personability/non-creepiness.
Put your best foot forward, show interest in her, flirt as best you're able and as the situation allows.
You really don't need to establish a formalized friendship before your first date, after all, considering you're already interested in pursuing her. So... pursue her. It's not like pursuing her is mutually exclusive with having an interest in her or her thoughts.
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2012-11-16, 01:39 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Jun 2006
- Location
- Dinosaur Museum aw yisss.
- Gender
Re: Relationship Woes and Advice 23: Answer Unclear, Try Again
There are no "fires of dogma" here. Your angle is irrelevant to this thread. Shall we move on?
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2012-11-16, 05:44 AM (ISO 8601)
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- Oct 2008
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- Xin-Shalast
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Re: Relationship Woes and Advice 23: Answer Unclear, Try Again
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2012-11-16, 06:32 AM (ISO 8601)
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- Jan 2007
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Re: Relationship Woes and Advice 23: Answer Unclear, Try Again
Sigh. I miss having a girlfriend.
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2012-11-16, 07:20 AM (ISO 8601)
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- Sep 2007
- Location
- Finland
- Gender
Re: Relationship Woes and Advice 23: Answer Unclear, Try Again
Well, this is awkward. In an attempt to follow the advice here, I sent multiple messages to various people. Just got a response - I asked (after seeing a lot of classical literature): "Have you read Dostojevski's Idiot? I can recommend that."
Honestly I wasn't expecting anything back, but just got. ".... jeah I have". And I'm a bit lost now.
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2012-11-16, 07:26 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- May 2012
- Location
- Aldain
- Gender
Re: Relationship Woes and Advice 23: Answer Unclear, Try Again
Well...at least they responded, so that's something. I had a few people like that as well...I generally would try once more to strike up a conversation, ask more questions, ask them open ended questions like what is your favorite thing to do, so on, so they invest time in a response instead of a yes or no.
Scientific Name: Wombous apocolypticus | Diet: Apocolypse Pie | Cuddly: Yes
World Building Projects:
Magic: The Stuff of Sentience | Fate: The Fabric of Physics | Luck: The Basis of Biology
Order of the Stick Projects:
Annotation of the Comic | Magic Compendium of the Comic | Transcription of the Comic
Dad-a-chum? Dum-a-chum? Ded-a-chek? Did-a-chick?
Extended Signature | My DeviantArt | Majora's Mask Point Race
(you can't take the sky from me)
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2012-11-16, 08:54 AM (ISO 8601)
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- Feb 2009
Re: Relationship Woes and Advice 23: Answer Unclear, Try Again
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2012-11-16, 09:01 AM (ISO 8601)
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- Mar 2009
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- Gothenburg, Sweden
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Re: Relationship Woes and Advice 23: Answer Unclear, Try Again
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Oooh, and that's a bad miss.
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2012-11-16, 10:53 AM (ISO 8601)
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- Mar 2010
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2012-11-16, 11:58 AM (ISO 8601)
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- Feb 2009
Re: Relationship Woes and Advice 23: Answer Unclear, Try Again
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2012-11-16, 12:26 PM (ISO 8601)
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- Aug 2009
Re: Relationship Woes and Advice 23: Answer Unclear, Try Again
Find common interests and invite her to things not involving thesis papers. Compliment her in unexpected ways. Initiate some subtle touches to the shoulder/arm/hand region if she seems open enough.
If her friendliness increases, ask her out. If that fails, go for the old stand-by...
"Wow. I love your skirt. It'd look great dangling from the ceiling fan in my bedroom."
That line's always worked on me, after all.
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2012-11-16, 12:31 PM (ISO 8601)
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- Feb 2009
Re: Relationship Woes and Advice 23: Answer Unclear, Try Again
Thank you for the advice. My problem is I normally just go to coffee with people so my only idea of what else we could do would come off date like (movies, etc.). I guess that's my one hole right now. The rest of the suggestions I can manage.
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2012-11-16, 12:31 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Oct 2008
- Location
- Freljord
Re: Relationship Woes and Advice 23: Answer Unclear, Try Again
My investigation as to this subject is still ongoing. I'll let you know when I publish my results.
How often have you actually used it?
...oh ON you, not FOR you. Nevermind!
EDIT:
Watch a movie together at home, or a series you both like? Done that a few times. Then stayed up late just talking. Eventually we didn't even see the anime episodes anymore.
Walking through parks or such is generally also pretty okay, only semi-date like (especially if you asked about seemingly as more of a spur-of-the-moment thing, unless it is a REALLY cool and/or pretty park), healthy (SNIFF THAT NATURE AIR) and free.Last edited by Morph Bark; 2012-11-16 at 12:35 PM.
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