Crack Pairings Matchup Table

[BatRobin]

The e in Julio Scoundrel isn't having an accent mark, and parts of TGwaH aren't capitalized properly.

[Lira]

Thank you for pointing that out, and I'd like to remind everyone to point out any other errors they see.

Okay, here are a few:

On Table 1, #16, it should be "Daigo". Source.
On Table 2, #13, it should be "Windstriker". Source.
On Table 3, #3, it should be "Hilgya". Source.
On Table 3, #4, it should be "Dorukan". Source.
On Table 3, #17, it should be "Haerta". Source.

[Taekwondodo]

Here we go I call it "Close Encounters of the Crack Kind"

Spoiler

Show

She sat at the bar, staring deep into the dregs of her drink, and sighed. Unrequited love sure was an ass. She couldn’t, however, just give up her hope that he might one day see her in the same light she saw him. What else did she have after all? Lord Kubota and Qarr? Yeah, that’s worth it. Maybe she should just throw herself over the cliff now and get it over with. As she was pondering the whereabouts of the nearest cliff a man walked into the bar and sat on the stool beside her. Looking at him she realised she knew his face from somewhere, but where? Long grey hair and a thin moustache? Why did that ring a bell? Maybe if he had less grey...oh gods!

“Excuse me sir,” she said turning to him with a hint of excitement in her voice, “but are you Julio Scoundrél? World-famous sky pirate, renown ladies’ man and all-around dashing action hero?”

The man put down his mug of beer and turned to look at her. “Yes, yes I am. I guess you’re going to say that your mother is my biggest fan, hmm?”

Therkla thought of her mother. “Nooooo, I don’t think she is actually but I am! I’ve read all about your amazing exploits! How you fenced the Devil-King of Dinosaur Island and rescued the princess about to be fed to the Manticore! What I don’t get how you’re now only second sexiest man alive in Townspeople Weekly, you’re much sexier than Valentino, definitely.” She blushed deeply as she realised what she had just said.

He smiled at her. A slow, lazy smile that set dark wings to flight.

“Well,” he drawled, “My ship, The Mechane, is in the docks at the moment getting repaired so I’m not going anywhere for a while. Maybe we could have some fun?”

Therkla found herself flustered.

“Well, you see I’m kind of in a love/oblivious relationship with a PC at the moment so...”

Julio ran a finger lightly up her arm and heard a soft gasp.

“But what a PC doesn’t know can’t hurt them.”

X X X

Elan felt bad. He had been wandering round trying to find Therkla to apologise for what he had said earlier but couldn’t find her anywhere. Maybe she had gone back to her room, good thing he had asked where she was staying. He knocked on her door and when there was no answer let himself in.

“Therkla, I know I’m probably the last person you waned to see but I just wanted...Julio? Why are you and Therkla together in bed?”

“Aliens.” Shouted Julio, they both looked at him.

“Yes aliens!” continued Therkla “You see...these aliens came in with...yes, laser guns and they ordered us to strip and get into the bed. They’ve only just gone so you had better run before they get back! Quick, run Elan! But you mustn’t tell anyone about the aliens!” Elan turned and ran.

“That was close.” Therkla sighed.

“Now,” Julio murmured running his hands over her body. “Where were we?”

Yes, that was Therkla/Julio Scoundrel; aliens made them do it. Questions? Comments? Requests for brain bleach? (although to be honest it wasn't very squicky)

[Funky Goose]

A comletely unrelated filler banner untill the next Redcloack-V comic

[Elfin]

[...] (although to be honest it wasn't very squicky)

I don't know, it was more than vivid enough for me...

[BatRobin]

Can someone make a Hilgya/Yokyok(vampire) banner?


Note that Yokko would prolly be paler and have fangs and maybe a black cape....

[Malkar Grumbo]

Here we go I call it "Close Encounters of the Crack Kind"

Spoiler

Show

She sat at the bar, staring deep into the dregs of her drink, and sighed. Unrequited love sure was an ass. She couldn’t, however, just give up her hope that he might one day see her in the same light she saw him. What else did she have after all? Lord Kubota and Qarr? Yeah, that’s worth it. Maybe she should just throw herself over the cliff now and get it over with. As she was pondering the whereabouts of the nearest cliff a man walked into the bar and sat on the stool beside her. Looking at him she realised she knew his face from somewhere, but where? Long grey hair and a thin moustache? Why did that ring a bell? Maybe if he had less grey...oh gods!

“Excuse me sir,” she said turning to him with a hint of excitement in her voice, “but are you Julio Scoundrél? World-famous sky pirate, renown ladies’ man and all-around dashing action hero?”

The man put down his mug of beer and turned to look at her. “Yes, yes I am. I guess you’re going to say that your mother is my biggest fan, hmm?”

Therkla thought of her mother. “Nooooo, I don’t think she is actually but I am! I’ve read all about your amazing exploits! How you fenced the Devil-King of Dinosaur Island and rescued the princess about to be fed to the Manticore! What I don’t get how you’re now only second sexiest man alive in Townspeople Weekly, you’re much sexier than Valentino, definitely.” She blushed deeply as she realised what she had just said.

He smiled at her. A slow, lazy smile that set dark wings to flight.

“Well,” he drawled, “My ship, The Mechane, is in the docks at the moment getting repaired so I’m not going anywhere for a while. Maybe we could have some fun?”

Therkla found herself flustered.

“Well, you see I’m kind of in a love/oblivious relationship with a PC at the moment so...”

Julio ran a finger lightly up her arm and heard a soft gasp.

“But what a PC doesn’t know can’t hurt them.”

X X X

Elan felt bad. He had been wandering round trying to find Therkla to apologise for what he had said earlier but couldn’t find her anywhere. Maybe she had gone back to her room, good thing he had asked where she was staying. He knocked on her door and when there was no answer let himself in.

“Therkla, I know I’m probably the last person you waned to see but I just wanted...Julio? Why are you and Therkla together in bed?”

“Aliens.” Shouted Julio, they both looked at him.

“Yes aliens!” continued Therkla “You see...these aliens came in with...yes, laser guns and they ordered us to strip and get into the bed. They’ve only just gone so you had better run before they get back! Quick, run Elan! But you mustn’t tell anyone about the aliens!” Elan turned and ran.

“That was close.” Therkla sighed.

“Now,” Julio murmured running his hands over her body. “Where were we?”

Yes, that was Therkla/Julio Scoundrel; aliens made them do it. Questions? Comments? Requests for brain bleach? (although to be honest it wasn't very squicky)

Well done, I enjoyed reading it. Plus it has Elan being Elan, which I like.

[Malkar Grumbo]

A comletely unrelated filler banner untill the next Redcloack-V comic

To quote Freaky Fred form Courage the Cowardly Dog, they look like they are about to be... Naaaaughty.

[Dark Faun]

It's an interesting interpretation of Vaarsuvius and Redcloak, Water-Smurf. I like it.

Make mazes, make monsters, make rabbits, I don’t care.

I loved this line.

A little typo though:

Redcloak stiffened, gold eyes glowing a little brighter.

[Funky Goose]

It's an interesting interpretation of Vaarsuvius and Redcloak, Water-Smurf. I like it.


I loved this line.

A little typo though:

he only has one eye remember....

[Dark Faun]

Exactly. It was "eyes" in the chapter.

[Taekwondodo]

I don't know, it was more than vivid enough for me...

Hmmm...maybe I just have a high squick tolerance.

[MagicianMan5]

someone make more VxRedcloak stuff! its too funny not to read! can zanaril at least get on with VxZ?

[Saeyan]

can zanaril at least get on with VxZ?

Sadly enough, we have lives outside of this thread. I'm sure Zanaril will update when she has the time.

[Zanaril]

Sadly enough, we have lives outside of this thread. I'm sure Zanaril will update when she has the time.

First day back at school and I already have Chemistry homework.

[Kaytara]

Heh, I took chemistry as a profile subject... XD

School started two weeks ago for me already, though. Gah.

[Thor Person Guy]

But at least Xykon's zombie dragon headxfemale Ancient Black DragonxThe dragon's hoardxFemale dragon's hoard is actually plausable.

Also, ABD was supposed to be male. He only reads the books, and he rolled a gender-flipped ABD.

[Zanaril]

Also, ABD was supposed to be male. He only reads the books, and he rolled a gender-flipped ABD.

Still.

Plausable.

[Dashwood]

I rolled Hylgia X Durkon...Makes sense, and already happened. 2 Dwarf clerics, one good one evil, turns into another one of those love / Hate relations.
My god, this thread is so awesome!

[The Vorpal Tribble]

I got Roy + Oracle = True Love.

Errrrrr... yckkk. Guess the orange balls are enchanted...

[BatRobin]

I rolled Hylgia X Durkon...Makes sense, and already happened. 2 Dwarf clerics, one good one evil, turns into another one of those love / Hate relations.
My god, this thread is so awesome!

IT'S NOT S'POSED TA MAKE SENSE.

[The Succubus]

Heh, I took chemistry as a profile subject... XD

School started two weeks ago for me already, though. Gah.

This actually makes a lot of sense - there's an awful lot of chemistry in this thread.

[Carnivorous M.]

My god, this thread is so awesome!

True, true.

[ClericOfBelker]

I got Roy + Oracle = True Love.

Errrrrr... yckkk. Guess the orange balls are enchanted...

1. So far nothing on this thread is squicky at all to me...Hmm strange.

2. DO-IT! DO-IT! DO-IT! DO-IT! DO-IT!

Do it or Belkar shall come to your home and murder you in your sleep!

[Thor Person Guy]

Sadly enough, we have lives outside of this thread.

Reality be damned! Give us more crack!

Roy's ArchonxBone Golem Roy

Lord ShojoxGender-flipped Kazumi

YorxDorukan

XykonxRoy's Archon

Bone Golem RoyxGender-flipped Lord Kubota

[Malkar Grumbo]

1. So far nothing on this thread is squicky at all to me...Hmm strange.

2. DO-IT! DO-IT! DO-IT! DO-IT! DO-IT!

Do it or Belkar shall come to your home and murder you in your sleep!

I agree with the first part, I worry for my sanity, or what little of it is left.

[The Dark Fiddler]

First day back at school and I already have Chemistry homework.

Hey, I start tomorrow! I hope I don't have Bio homework.

It'll be tough enough navigating the brand new high school.

This actually makes a lot of sense - there's an awful lot of chemistry in this thread.

Badumtish.

[The Succubus]

Couldn't sleep, so I decided to tell another tale of lost love....

Spoiler

Show

Durkon, slowly made his way down the mountain, his forehead still smarting from where his hammer had struck it. He was deeply confused – why had he, of all people, been asked to be a liaison with humans? It wasn't even as if he'd had much dealings with them in the past. Still, he was a Cleric of Thor and he would do his god's bidding. Understanding was not required.

There was a small hamlet at the base of the mountain, at a crossroads that lead to a large human town nearby. The hamlet was little more than a couple of farmhouses and a large inn, the last place in which Durkon knew he could by dwarf ale. As he entered the inn, the place was relatively quiet – a couple of people sat in the corners, looking for passing adventurers but otherwise empty. The barman recognised Durkon as one of the quieter dwarfs and not prone to the drunken berserker rages that others were.

“It's good ta see ye, lad.”

“Greetings, Master Thundershield. A nice cold tankard for you?”

“Aye, and keep 'em comin'.”

As he began to feel the effects of the fifth tankard, Durkon became aware of another person sitting near him at the bar. A young human woman was sat behind a veritable forest of tankards, yet still seemed relatively sober. She projected an aura of sadness and resignation and Durkon sensed a kindred spirit.

“Ye alright, lassie?”

The woman turned towards him and he began to feel an unfamiliar urge building inside. Durkon found himself admiring the gentle curves of her supple body and the way her jet black hair flowed like a river. Most of all, he found himself drawn to her gaze, which held a mixture of defiance and sorrow.

“No, I'm not alright. I've been sent away by my master to look after someone I've never even met. The worst bit is I haven't the slightest idea why they've asked this of me!” said the woman and she start to cry.

She felt a brawny army wrap around her shoulders as the dwarf tried to comfort as best he could. He was strong and although his face was grim, his eyes told her that he was a kind and gentle soul, welcoming in this strange and unusual place.

“What's ye name?”

“Sabine, Mr Dwarf.”

“Me name's Durkon. Pleased ta meet ye,” said Durkon, as he told her about the strange events that had brought him here this evening. A crack of thunder rolled outside and soon the gentle hiss of falling rain filled the room.

“Damn it. I still have to travel a long way to meet my charge and I was hoping not to have to do it in this weather,” said Sabine.

Durkon hesitated. As a cleric of Thor, he knew that sometimes that the sudden arrival of a storm could be a warning from his lord. As to what that warning was, he was unsure. Either way, he felt he couldn't let the young woman go out alone on a dark stormy night.

“Why not come up to me room and share a drink, lass – the rain might ease off in a while.”

Durkon felt his heart leap as Sabine smiled at him and their fingertips met.

********

The ancient bed beneath them creaked and protested as they made passionate love. Sabine was on top and as she panted and gasped, she found herself surprised that Durkon's stocky frame hid a grace and agility she had not encountered in any of her previous lovers. Flashes of lightning illuminated them as they moved together and as Sabine reached a climax, she was unable to control herself and her wings burst forth from her back.

Durkon gasped aloud, but it was a cry of horror rather than a moan of passion. Withdrawing, he grabbed his hammer and pulled away from Sabine.

“YE'RE A FIEND?!”

Finally Durkon understood the meaning behind the storm. He glared at the figure across the bed, who even now was struggling into her clothes.

“I....I never meant to hurt you.....I loved you Durkon....” she sobbed.

Durkon raised his hammer to attack, when suddenly Sabine burst through the window and flew off into the night, the sound of her cries following her. The storm began to clear, yet Durkon felt a black cloud hovering over his heart as he watched her fade into the distance...

[Sterm]

What the nine bloody hells topic is this?

[Cracklord]

What the nine bloody hells topic is this?

Take your time. You shall come to love it.