Crack Pairings VI - We've Finally Stooped to Shipping Ourselves

[CoffeeIncluded]

Uh-oh, Coffee got in twouble? Tsk tsk.

Ooo, a naughty girl...

But I'll leave the CoffeeShipping to Coffee and other interested parties for the moment.

Here's Chapter 1 of When in Rome! (Lira might want to list this one by title since it will have multiple pairings eventually, although there's not much in the way of romance in this chapter.)

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“Plane shift!” cried Vaarsuvius.

“Are we there yet?”

“Of course we are, you vacuous Halfling; the spell is instantaneous. Now let go of my hand!”

“Didn’t know I could get you so excited,” Belkar said with a grin, giving the elf’s hand a squeeze before releasing it.

Vaarsuvius let out a grunt of pain and disgust, theatrically wiping the hand off on the opposite sleeve. “Sir Greenhilt, would you please remind me once more why we must embark on this utterly inane mission?”

Elan let out a contented sigh, squeezing Haley’s hand absent-mindedly; gotta love a smooth and credible transition into plot exposition.

Haley blushed and reluctantly pulled her hand away from Elan’s.

“I don’t like wacky side quests any more than you do,” Roy said with a sigh, letting go of Durkon’s hand, “But, once again, the dwarf at the forge told me that this is the only plane in existence that holds enough starmetal to reforge the Greenhilt sword.

“What plane is this, anyway?” said Haley, glancing around at oodles of decorative pillars and people in togas, some with laurel wreaths on their heads. “It looks like some cheesy, poorly-done, theme world, but I’ve never seen anything thing like this.”

“Some homebrew plane,” said Roy with a shrug, “Let’s just find this starmetal stuff. Apparently we’re supposed to ask some guy named Pygmalion about it.”

“That is all you know?” said Vaarsuvius, clearly exasperated.

“Pardon me,” said Roy, rolling his eyes, “It’s clearly all my fault that we’re on a wild goose chase.”

“Well it is your sword…” Haley pointed out.

“Let’s split up and ask around,” said Roy briskly, ignoring her, “We can meet up back here around sunset. In case there’s any trouble we should stay in pairs.”

“Dibs,” said Haley, grabbing Elan’s arm.

“Hey Ears,” said Belkar, waggling his eyebrows suggestively.

“I shall go with Sir Greenhilt,” Vaarsuvius said sharply, quickly stepping to Roy’s side.

Durkon shook his head disdainfully at Vaarsuvius as the rejected halfling allied himself with the dwarf instead.

“I am sorry,” Vaarsuvius told him honestly.

“Alright,” said Roy, “Let’s go get this over with.” The Order parted ways.

-One hour later…-

“This place is quite odd,” said Vaarsuvius.

“I noticed,” said Roy dryly, glancing around at market stalls selling the strangest things, “I just wish I knew why no one we’ve talked to so far has even heard of Pygmalion.”

“The situation is quite distressing,” Vaarsuvius agreed, “We must seize the first opportunity we get to find him or someone associated with him, or we will find no leads before sunset.”

“Agreed,” said Roy.

“New to the city, sir?!” a random citizen shouted at them from a stall that had no visible merchandise.

“Yes,” said Roy warily, wishing he had a sword.

“For a mere five gold pieces, I’ll give you directions to any one of the marvelous sights to see!”

“What?” Roy asked with a frown.

“I believe he thinks we are tourists,” Vaarsuvius whispered.

“Oh,” said Roy, “Thank you, but we’re not sight-seeing.”

“But you must be looking for something,” said the seller of information, “Tell me what it is. A good bathhouse? The best restaurant in town? A quality inn where you can spend some quality time with your lovely lady?” He winked at Vaarsuvius. Seeing their aghast expressions, he quickly added, “I’m so sorry, your fine gentleman, that is?”

“I—I am neither!” Vaarsuvius sputtered.

“Oh, wow, gee, what an awful condition, I should’ve been able to tell, I’m sorry, if I’d known I wouldn’t’ve said anyth—”

“I mean that I am not romantically involved with Sir Greenhilt!” Vaarsuvius shouted angrily, “Not that I have no gender, you blubbering idiot!”

“We’re not looking for any of those things,” said Roy firmly, “We’re looking for a man named Pygmalion, so unless you know anything about where he lives, we’ll be leaving now.”

“Pygmalion…” the man repeated, tapping his chin thoughtfully, “Sounds familiar, but I can’t say I have an address for him…”

“Thanks for nothing, then,” said Roy, starting to head away.

“But,” the man called to them, “I know where you can almost definitely find out anything you want to know about this Pygmalion person, or anyone else for that matter.”

Vaarsuvius and Roy stopped, met each other’s eyes, and sighed. Reluctantly Roy turned around and said, “Fine. How much?”

“That’ll be five gold pieces,” the merchant responded merrily.

“Alright,” said Roy, paying up with a scowl.

“Why thank you, good sir,” the man gushed, “Now. You want to head up to Olympus Hill; that’s where our gods live.”

“You keep your gods on a hill?” Vaarsuvius asked.

The man shrugged. “I’ve heard that they originally wanted a mountain, but could only fit a hill in since this is a finite plane.”

“That’s ridiculous,” said Roy frankly, “And why would we want to visit your gods?”

“Well,” said the man, “The goddess of love, Venus, has to keep a record book of everyone in the plane so she’ll know who to pair with who, right?”

“Who to pair with whom,” Vaarsuvius corrected him, “And that is rather ludicrous as well.”

“Really, now?” said the man, rolling his eyes, “I suppose that you would just put everyone’s name in a table and roll up every pairing to maximize efficiency? Anyway, my point is, I’m pretty sure she keeps addresses in that thing so she can send Cupid after them if she has to, so, all you have to do is have a peek at that book, and you’ll find your guy in no time.”

“A record book of everyone,” Roy repeated flatly.

“That’s right!”

“Considering the situation,” said Roy, “I think that sounds rather contrived.”

“Eh,” said the man, “You look like an adventurer; isn’t this kind of stuff supposed to cross your path?”

“Point taken,” said Roy, “Alright. Tell us how to get to Olympus.”

-Meanwhile…-

“Great going, Elan,” Haley said sarcastically, “I can’t believe you landed us in jail.

What will Roy and Vaarsuvius find on Olympus hill? How did Elan land himself and Haley in jail? What have Durkon and Belkar been up to in the meantime? When (heck, if) the Order finally finds Pygmalion, who will he be paired with? Tune in next time to find out in: When in Rome: Chapter 2!

So yeah. Comments welcome as always.

Aww, why did you leave it at a cliffhanger?

I liked it.

And stick around a bit if you can; I'm almost done with the next Murphy's Law update.

[ShinyDelusion]

Aww, why did you leave it at a cliffhanger?

I liked it.

And stick around a bit if you can; I'm almost done with the next Murphy's Law update.

To build suspense, of course! Also because I had the Haley and Elan bit partially written out, so I knew where it'd probably end up even though I didn't have it done yet. I'd originally planned to put it before the Roy and Vaarsuvius bit, but I finished that bit first, and then I decided to do this chapter thing, so I thought hinting at what had been happening meanwhile would make a nice hook instead.

I'm glad.

Ooo, can't wait to see it!

[02youeng]

Hey everyone - as I've never posted in these threads before, I'll do a little introduction.

I'm 02youeng, 18 from England. I've had a look in these threads before, and it always seemed fun - but I'm crap at drawing. Really, really bad. But I've always wanted to learn...so, I figured I need some inspiriation to actually do some. So! My new challenge to myself is to do a drawing in this thread, once a week!

Just rolled, and got Zz'Dtri with Durkon and O'Chul because of Geas/Quest spell.

Heh...I'm really gonna need help from you all, hehe.

[ShinyDelusion]

Hey everyone - as I've never posted in these threads before, I'll do a little introduction.

I'm 02youeng, 18 from England. I've had a look in these threads before, and it always seemed fun - but I'm crap at drawing. Really, really bad. But I've always wanted to learn...so, I figured I need some inspiriation to actually do some. So! My new challenge to myself is to do a drawing in this thread, once a week!

Just rolled, and got Zz'Dtri with Durkon and O'Chul because of Geas/Quest spell.

Heh...I'm really gonna need help from you all, hehe.

Welcome! Let's see... First of all, are you doing single pictures or fics in comic form?

If it's the first, you might want to forego plot devices alltogether and just draw what you can and then maybe come up with a story behind the picture based on the picture itself afterward.

[02youeng]

Single drawings - and, fair enough, I'll take that advice. Can't think of a reason otherwise why two gruff burly men would want anything with a cheap Drizzt knock-off, though

[ShinyDelusion]

Single drawings - and, fair enough, I'll take that advice. Can't think of a reason otherwise why two gruff burly men would want anything with a cheap Drizzt knock-off, though

Hm... Well, last we saw of our lovable Drow, he was being hauled away by lawyers... Maybe he's doing some community service? Maybe Ochul's his parole officer or something. Maybe whatever service was being done required some clerical assistance.

Edit: Not sure how all that would be portrayed in a single picture, but hey, it's nice to flex my crack-justifying muscles.

[CoffeeIncluded]

Hm... Well, last we saw of our lovable Drow, he was being hauled away by lawyers... Maybe he's doing some community service? Maybe Ochul's his parole officer or something. Maybe whatever service was being done required some clerical assistance.

Edit: Not sure how all that would be portrayed in a single picture, but hey, it's nice to flex my crack-justifying muscles.

Welcome to the Crack Pairings Thread! Here's your complementary sample of Brain Bleach!

Shiny, I updated!

[02youeng]

Suppose O'Chul would have broken a poor, delicate Elf, being the GitP version of Chuck Norris, and all...and now I've got Marvin Gaye stuck in my head, heh.

[ShinyDelusion]

Yay Coffee! Can't wait to see what's next! Is Matt going to be suffering from that hit?

Suppose O'Chul would have broken a poor, delicate Elf, being the GitP version of Chuck Norris, and all...and now I've got Marvin Gaye stuck in my head, heh.

Heheh. Maybe if Zz'dtri cast some buffs and such on himself first he'd be able to come out okay.

[CoffeeIncluded]

Yay Coffee! Can't wait to see what's next! Is Matt going to be suffering from that hit?

Take a good look at what's on his chest, seeping into the wounds...

What else do you like about it?

[ShinyDelusion]

Take a good look at what's on his chest, seeping into the wounds...

What else do you like about it?

That's why I'm worried...

Mostly I like how it kind of ended with a surprise; that's always fun.

[02youeng]

Hehe, that's a decent idea actually...time to crack out my favourate level 1 spell, Fist of Stone...

[sorry if I sound like an idiot, by the way]

[CoffeeIncluded]

That's why I'm worried...

Mostly I like how it kind of ended with a surprise; that's always fun.

Well, Spider venom does strength damage...

And just in case you can't quite tell, that's a Dire Bear. Do you know what her plan was, and why it was Plan C?

[ShinyDelusion]

Hehe, that's a decent idea actually...time to crack out my favourate level 1 spell, Fist of Stone...

[sorry if I sound like an idiot, by the way]

Hehe, you don't sound like an idiot, you sound like you're having fun with the pairing already, which is the point of this thread! Good luck!

Well, Spider venom does strength damage...

And just in case you can't quite tell, that's a Dire Bear. Do you know what her plan was, and why it was Plan C?

Poor Matt...

When you can turn into a Dire Bear, one would think excessive planning ahead from that point would be rather frivilous, so no and no.

[CoffeeIncluded]

I'm gonna take this to the Murphy's Law thread so this thread stays on topic, okay?

[ShinyDelusion]

I'm gonna take this to the Murphy's Law thread so this thread stays on topic, okay?

I guess that's what I get for not speculating on who could be paired with the giant spider or saying that Matt might need some serious Laying on of Hands from Lloyd; I must be off my game.

Anyway, I'm over there too, now.

[samwich 1]

Gender flipped Tsukiko and Julia Greenhilt... EWWWWW

[CoffeeIncluded]

I guess that's what I get for not speculating on who could be paired with the giant spider or saying that Matt might need some serious Laying on of Hands from Lloyd; I must be off my game.

Anyway, I'm over there too, now.

Come on! Matt/Giant Spider! Matt/Giant Spider!

[ShinyDelusion]

Gender flipped Tsukiko and Julia Greenhilt... EWWWWW

Which part ews you? The gender flipping, Tsukiko, or Julia?

Come on! Matt/Giant Spider! Matt/Giant Spider!

Don't tempt me. Although that is a bit of a stretch, even for the same author who had Matt nearly violated in prison by Belkar.

[Sereg]

Wow, a lot of pages went up.

*Owes Coffee more money than he believes he can afford as a student*

@ShinyDelusion Glad that you enjoyed “Allegiance”

I’ve enjoyed what’s been recently put up.

Oh by the way, for those of you who don’t know, I will not be offended if you ship me. In fact, for those of you who wish to attempt to write my as close to the way I am in real life, here’s some info that you may find useful: I am a pale-skinned brunette with freckles and eyes that are usually green but fluctuate from yellowish to blue (I have some mild control over this). Let’s see in the imperial system I’d be about 6 ft. 4 and weigh about 170 pounds. I wear size 11 shoes and usually dress in shorts and a T-shirt. My hair is always messy except when it’s recently been shaved. I wear black-rimmed glasses for distance. I am doing my Msc. in Genetics, am Christian, consider myself Neutral Good or blue-green on the colour-wheel alignment system. I am introverted, intuitive, thinking and perceiving. I score high on openness and agreeableness, low on conscientiousness and slightly above 50% on neuroticism. I am quite shy around people that I don’t know well but can be exuberant. I enjoy feeling useful and appreciated. I would guess my ability scores as STR 3, CHA 6, CON 8, DEX 12, WIS 14, INT 17. While I have not been officially diagnosed, I am pretty sure that I have Asperger’s syndrome. I have been referred to as “the ideas guy” and as someone who knows loads of useless information. My hobbies include any kind of game (other than sports), watching TV and movies, reading, writing, astronomy and twisting my body into unusual positions (usually using a broom). I also like long walks, preferably through forests or up mountains. I am heterosexual and 23 but have never had a girlfriend. I don’t smoke and the only things I drink are water and tea. Here’s the hardest part, I consider sex both special and dangerous, such that I wish to remain a virgin till marriage if I can cope with temptation. Of course I have not had the opportunity to be tempted yet so I don’t know how well I’ll cope with temptation. Physically, I tend to like short pale-skinned brunettes or redheads and of course I have an ear fetish. I’d like her to be intelligent enough to appreciate my work as I like being appreciated. Personality wise I’ve obviously got to get along with her and agree with her on things that I consider important. Mostly I want her to reassure me that she thinks that I’m awesome. I’ll be glad to answer any other questions you need the answer to.

Meanwhile, here is Me/Lien

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Sereg wondered why he had swum out so far to sea. He was never a strong swimmer. That was a strength based skill and therefore something his sister was far better at. He was drowning. Of all the ways that he could die, he didn’t want it to be this. He was panicking from the lack of oxygen. Not being able to breath always terrified him. How long had it been since he had been sucked down that weird whirlpool. He didn’t know. Something grabbed him. Someone riding a shark. Was that even safe? He lost consciousness.

He awoke to find a woman’s lips pressed against his own. She got up as he coughed and said, “Excellent, my lay on hands won’t work on the dead.” With that she placed her hands on his chest and muttered, “Lay on hands.” His wounds sealed and he felt a lot better. “Thanks.” he said, “How did you…?”
“No thanks necessary,” she responded, “I checked if you were evil and seeing that you weren’t, I was glad to help.”
“You checked…?” began Sereg.
“Of course,” answered Lien, “I’m good, not dumb.” Sereg looked more closely at his rescuer. She appeared to be quite athletic and while he normally preferred people’s natural hair colours, for some reason, her blue hair seemed natural for her. She was also wearing armour. It was nice to meet someone else who appreciated medieval history, but how had she swum while wearing it? He got up. “There has to be some way that I can thank my rescuer.” said Sereg, “Maybe I could take you out for coffee.”
“Alright,” said the blue-haired woman, “I know just the place.”
“Um, right now I don’t have my cash on me.” said Sereg, “Maybe after I’ve got my stuff back.”
“Don’t worry dear,” she said, “I’m pretty sure that wealth by level favours me in that regard.” What did that mean? She walked him into the city. It appeared that just about everything was blue here. How far had he travelled?

They settled into the coffee shop. “A cup of tea and a glass of water with ice but no lemon.” ordered Sereg.
“A cup of coffee, for me.” said the blue-haired women. “I thought that you might not want to see anymore water after that.” she smirked.
“It’s pretty much the only thing I drink.” responded Sereg.
“Well, I like it when people can appreciate water.” said the woman.
“By the way,” said Sereg, “is there a place around here where I can make a call to let my family know were I am and that I’m safe?”
“You mean a sending?” asked the women.
“Um, I guess.” answered Sereg.
“Sure,” said the woman, “I’ll show you.” Sereg noticed that he had been given green tea. He supposed that he shouldn’t be surprised with the number of people of Asian descent around here but it was quite a shock. When they had finished their drinks, a waiter had come over and said, “That’ll be two coppers please.”
The woman handed over a silver coin and said, “Keep the change.” Since when did tea and coffee come to less than a five rand coin? The woman lead Sereg to a shop which announced that it sold magic scrolls. Upon seeing the sign, Sereg stopped dead in his tracks and asked, “Um, by the way, where exactly are we?”
“Azure City, Southern Continent, I am Lien and I’ll be your guide.” she responded. Sereg’s jaw had dropped. “Um,” he said, “I don’t think that a sending will help, but I’ll need a place to stay.”
“No problem,” she said, “you can stay at my place.”
“Is that appropriate?” asked Sereg.
“Of course!” answered Lien, “Paladins should show hospitality to non-evil people. By the way, what do they call you?”
“I’m called many things Lien, but I think that you should call me Sereg.”
“Really?” she teased, “Are the others embarrassing?”
“Some of them.” answered Serg.
“Like?” pressed Lien.
“Well,” answered Sereg, “my sister used to call me Googalooks at one point.” With that they both started laughing.

They talked well into the night whilst sitting on one of Lien’s sofas. They leaned in closer and began to kiss. Sereg gasped. “What is it?” asked Lien.
“Well, I’d normally think that this was moving too fast, but I suppose that technically we’ve already kissed and had a first date.” With that he leaned forward and kissed her again.

Alright now Me/Inkyrius:

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Sereg was aching all over when he awoke. The first thing that his eyes saw was the face of a beautiful woman with green hair. “What happened to you?” she asked, “Are you alright?”
“I’m not sure what happened,” he responded, “but I should be alright.” He looked at her more closely, she had long, beautiful, pointed ears. “You’re an elf?” he asked in shock. “Why, yes.” she answered clearly befuddled at why someone would ask a question for which the answer was so obvious. “Why do you ask?”
“I…didn’t think that they actually existed.” answered Sereg.
“Wow,” said the elf, “I guess that you really aren’t from around these parts. Still I can’t just leave you here. My children are out. Come with me to my place and I’ll give you something to eat.” At the mention of food, Sereg got up and followed her eagerly, thanking her profusely.

“I guess it’s true that humans have much bigger appetites than we do.” said the elf, clearly happy to have her food appreciated. “These are delicious!” exclaimed Sereg as he helped himself to his fourth banana nut muffin. It turned out that the elf’s name was Inkyrius and she was a baker. Sereg was eagerly sampling her wares. “I do have a confession to make though,” said Inkyrius, “I had an ulterior motive for bringing you here. You see I’ve been missing companionship since my divorce and I heard a human expression that the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach.” With that she kissed him. Sereg responded hungrily for while he was full of food, he was still hungry for this.

Now for Me/V

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Vaarsuvius lifted her head from her glass of elven wine to see a tall skinny stranger walk into the bar. He appeared to have never met a comb before and the desret sun had reddened his skin in all places not covered by a freckle. He sat down next to her. “A cup of tea and a glass of water with ice but no lemon.” ordered the stranger.
“That is a rather unusual order for one to make at an establishment such as this one.” she commented. “Yeah, but I really don’t like alcohol.” said the stranger, “I find it too bitter. I’ve got a pretty sensitive sense of taste and even worked as a glorified taster at one point. Plus I think I have a psychological block to it from when I was a child. Long story.” he replied.
“The hue of your skin suggests that you are not from the western continent.” continued Vaarsuvius, “Are you an adventurer?”
“No,” he replied, “just an expert. I have no idea how I got here. I’m Sereg by the way.”
“My name is Vaarsuvius.” she replied. After talking for a while Vaarsuvius announced, “This is interesting. Your body language suggests that you find my intellect and appearance highly attractive yet are too afraid to proceed with courtship. Is this true?”
“Um,…well…yes.” answered Sereg.
“Do you want me or not?” asked Vaarsuvius.
“Just because I want something, doesn’t mean that I think that it’s a good idea.” answered Sereg. “You sound rather similar to my familiar.” answered Vaarsuvius, “However, I feel lonely since my divorce and I desire to be desired. Charm person.” Sereg’s eyes began to swirl. “You will not worry about what is a good idea.” said Vaarsuvius, “You will treat me the way that you wish to treat me. Is that understood?”
“Yes, Mistress.” answered Sereg and Vaarsuvius led him to her room.

Ok, this next one takes place before Celia accepted her position in Dorukan’s dungeon. Me/Celia:

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Celia wondered who had summoned her when she arrived in the bedroom. Maybe she had got the coordinates wrong. She couldn’t feel any magic with her teeth.

Sereg stared at the winged person whom had arrived in his room. “Are…are…are you an angel?” he stammered as he sat up in bed and pressed against the wall in fear. Celia looked down at him. “That’s the oldest pick-up line in the book,” she commented, “especially to those of us with wings. Still, it’s pretty cute and I do have a thing for humans.” She landed on his bed. “Maybe we can have some fun while I’m here.” With that she kissed him. “Well,” thought the part of Sereg’s brain that was still active, “this certainly feels heavenly.”

Alright, this one takes place after the events of the entire comic. Elan died happy, decided that that was his prophesised happy ending and considered it dramatically appropriate so he didn’t respond to attempted resurrections. Haley meanwhile, became a ridiculously epic level rogue. Me/Haley:

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Haley sat thinking to herself. She had pulled off many amazing and legendary heists, yet she had never outdone the time she had stolen a 10, 000 gp diamond from her past self on the cast page. She was also lonely. It had been years since Elan died and she needed male companionship. “I’ve got it!” she suddenly exclaimed, “I’ll pull off a heist that blows all my previous ones out of the water! I’ll steal a man from beyond the fourth wall!”

Sereg sat at his computer browsing the Giant in the Playground website. “It’s a pity that The Order of the Stick is over.” he thought. Suddenly a three fingered hand reached through his screen, grabbed him and pulled him back through.

Sereg stared at Haley and pointed. “Aaaaaaaaaaaaaah!” he yelled.
“You don’t have to get carried away.” said Haley, “I just need a man.”
“Somehow, something seems wrong with sleeping with webcomic characters.” answered Sereg. “Just take off your clothes before I take them off for you.” said Haley. “I seriously…” began Sereg when he noticed that his clothes were in her hand. “I…How did you…?” started Sereg as he tried to cover himself up.
“Epic level rogue.” answered Haley, “Now to business.” With that she began to kiss him.

I’ve got an idea for Me/Lirian. I’ll post it when I’m finished.

[Sstoopidtallkid]

On "Rooster": Very...interesting. I'm shocked that none of them have burned down the school by now. Seems like any of the characters mentioned would object to it. LN bordering on LE is hated by basically everyone except those that are LN or LE. And given the fact that a prerequisite for attending the school is being delinquent or socially maladjusted(basically the best definition of Adventurer I've ever heard, so good job), I'm really surprised anyone obeys. Heck, given the ones mentioned so far, I'd be surprised if there wasn't an organized rebellion. But well written, and looking forwards to where it goes.

On "Rome": Confused as to the differences with the ancient world. It's a bit jarring, since I was expecting either ancient Greece or Rome, not Rome/D&D. That said, seems like an interesting start.

[ShinyDelusion]

Wow, Sereg, are you going to leave any of the females in the comic untouched?

On "Rome": Confused as to the differences with the ancient world. It's a bit jarring, since I was expecting either ancient Greece or Rome, not Rome/D&D. That said, seems like an interesting start.

Well, the minute I thought "OotS version of Ancient Rome" I realized that it was all but destined to be a hilariously cheesy setting anyway, so I'm trying to play the "whatever DM came up with this obviously didn't work that hard on it" angle as hard as possible against the Order's Genre Savvyness in the hope of maximizing silliness to the point where the reader doesn't care how wacky the world is. If that makes sense. Glad you liked it in spite of the strange setting.

And if you think the setting's strange now, Haley and Elan's adventure is going to involve a punny incident with the town forum, so, yeah...

[Oooohaloophole]

Okay, I'm back! And here's the story:

Okay, so at the improv class, the one where I was getting sexually harassed, a few weeks ago, I got my revenge. CoffeeIncluded Style....

When I went up for a skit that day I was thinking of a way to get my revenge on the boys who wouldn't leave me alone (They kept making sexual comments that culminated in a several propositions for me to perform oral sex on them a few days before this) I remembered that I had a chocolate Tootsie pop in my bag...

I stood up, in front of the entire class, and unwrapped the lollipop, then began licking it in the most suggestive manner possible. There I was with that chocolate Tootsie roll lollipop. Licking it, sucking it, making little happy noises, the works.

So, every guy in the room was staring at me and the lollipop in shock and wishful thinking and the teacher was about to drag me to the dean's office...

When I chomped down. HARD. The lollipop cracked in half, and in full view of the class, I started biting and crunching the lollipop with my mouth wide open so everyone could see the lollipop get pulverized in my back molars as I scraped out the Tootsie roll center with my teeth. Then I gnawed on the stick.

Imagine the guys' expressions!

And nice work, Water-Smurf!

Its good That I lost My Homaphobia A while ago, What did your teach say?


Watersurf: I liked the story just I was hoping youd finish your other ones before moving on. I dont like school settings, I think thier a way to put characters into skirts. But its your hand, do whatever you want with it.

[Sstoopidtallkid]

And if you think the setting's strange now, Haley and Elan's adventure is going to involve a punny incident with the town forum, so, yeah...

Huh, a funny incident on the way to the forum, you say? Do they perhaps encounter Caligula? Because that may go against the forum rules.

[Yiuel]

So, here's the second part.

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The Order of the Stick Jr. (part 2)

<They really have neat houses in Azure city. I thought they'd all have ugly square buildings like up there where I met the twin humans. The lines fit a lot more with the nature around, a lot more to my taste really. Though I miss the forest.

And really, I wished my sibling could be a little less... annoying. Leily really can act like a jerk when he wants. And it had gone worse when his powers came out of nowhere. Not that he turned Evil or something like that, but he had become obnoxious. That's why I was so happy to live with my parent's parents for a while.

It was, however, quite fun to meet all these new people. Arriving at Cliffport, my sibling and I met the three others with whom we travelled south. There was Ross, who's obviously good at leading people around. My sibling had told me that Ross was a cool boy. Knowing my sibling, I was afraid that it would turn out to be the opposite, but I could now feel it, he's both highly intelligent and charismatic. I thought rogues would never be that charismatic, but he's really of the handsome type. If it wasn't for his sister, I would have guessed for some elven blood in him, somehow.

As for his sister, while she's cute, she's not as cute as her brother's handsome. And she lacks in intelligence. Clearly. But she seems a lot wiser than what I would have thought at first sight. And she has a strong faith, which she has demonstrated many times along the way. And then, you have her boyfriend. He's totally weird. He has those wings, with which he can actually fly. But he's as strong as a normal human fighter. He's quite charismatic as well, though the huge muscles he has spoils it for me. And when I say huge, he decided to push hard on his strength. He took both Leily and Joan in his arms, and flew across a chiasm with them. Without complaining.

And now, that new southern girl. Now, if Ross is really handsome, she's even hotter. Slender, almost as an elf, and seems to have a great constitution. Hitomi's her name. But she's old for a human, and she probably noticed that I'm pretty young for an Elf myself. And later today, we'll be meeting our last companion.

--

What a surprise did I have... I never thought I'd see one in my life. A half-human-half-dwarf. As if that was possible. She looks like an over-sized dwarf, even though she says she's a little less built than a female Dwarf. How bulky do they look like then. She seems strong and charismatic, and wise as well. But she's a paladin. Parent told us of the story of a stupid paladin. While parent said that she was an exception, it still tells me that Paladins are something of a pain to travel around with. But she doesn't seem to be a bad girl, really.

Everyone in the pary seemed to know her. Well, I am the only one who never went to those reunion parties. First, my sibling. But also, I was with my grand-parents all the time, learning the ways of a Ranger. But now, it seems that it somewhat was a bad idea. They look so friendly together, even with Leily. I feel somewhat like an outcast here, out of the inside jokes or other things that only friends share. It will probably dissipate with time, but I obviously missed a lot. I'll try to catch up.

Oh, and now it seems will be having a feast for our departure. Hitomi was to pay us a great feast at some fancy restaurant. Maybe it will be time to catch up with everyone.>

--

Arduvanius was sitting next to Hitomi, and had no one on his other side. The elf then spoke to her.

- You know each other a lot.
- You think? I've met them only a couple of times. But we sent messages to each other. But what about you? I knew Leily had a brother, but I had never seen you.
- Well, I used to live at my grand-parents place for the last few years. I wanted to learn the Ranger's ways, but my parents being Wizard and Baker, I couldn't learn it from them. So I never went to my parent's various parties with the teammates, so I never met anyone. I do feel somehow excluded.
- <You should not, really.>, answered Hitomi in Elven.
- What?

It came to Arduvanius as a shock. Wasn't she Human?

- <What about what?>, replied again Hitomi in Ardy's first tongue. <Do you think we all only speak Common? If that fact can make you feel better, Ross also speaks decent Elven, which he learned from Vaarsuvius. Do not feel lonely. It is not as if we had spent college time all together. Sure, Ross, Joan and Alex know each other much, but you must expect that from siblings and a couple.>
- <You speak Elven like my parent Vaarsuvius. Perhaps I'd teach you slang, it will be better like that.>
- <Sure, why not. It is not like as if I use it much down here in Azure City.>

Hitomi smiled at Arduvanius. But, then, he noted that Ross was attentive. He was obviously listening, as he understood Elven, it would seem. Ardy turned his eyes to Ross, smiling, to which Ross answered by frowning, turning away at the same. Slowly, Ardy became more confident, speaking with Hitomi. He turned to the others, and they all had great and long discussions. Perhaps Ardy wasn't that much alone, and he certainly wasn't excluded.

Tonight would also be their last night in the city, as tomorrow, they would leave to go on their first adventure.

[Oooohaloophole]

Good Story Yuriel. I still believe that banjo Is probably an Evil spirit bound into a puppet who charmed thousands of people into worshiping him so he could become a god but otherwise Cool.
Here Is Me In Casual Clothes, Il take this Soemewhere....

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[Asta Kask]

I stood up, in front of the entire class, and unwrapped the lollipop, then began licking it in the most suggestive manner possible. There I was with that chocolate Tootsie roll lollipop. Licking it, sucking it, making little happy noises, the works.

When I chomped down. HARD. The lollipop cracked in half, and in full view of the class, I started biting and crunching the lollipop with my mouth wide open so everyone could see the lollipop get pulverized in my back molars as I scraped out the Tootsie roll center with my teeth. Then I gnawed on the stick.

My boy lollipop, you made my heart go giddy up
You are as sweet as candy, you're my sugar dandy
Ha, ho my boy lollipop
Never ever leave me

[Saeyan]

Nice one, Coffee.

re: parents and internet, my parents are the type who think only schoolwork and Neopets are safe sites, so...like 98% of my online life (even reading Lifehacker) is unknown to them.

Was going to post a stick-me, but then it would be dead easy for anyone who knew me in real life to figure out who Saeyan was (if they hadn't already) so here's a picture instead. Sorry captured with my camera again, scanner's gone a bit wonky.

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That's supposed to be V at the showers...it's ok, I couldn't tell who it was after I finished the drawing either.

[Oooohaloophole]

Nice one, Coffee.

re: parents and internet, my parents are the type who think only schoolwork and Neopets are safe sites, so...like 98% of my online life (even reading Lifehacker) is unknown to them.

Was going to post a stick-me, but then it would be dead easy for anyone who knew me in real life to figure out who Saeyan was (if they hadn't already) so here's a picture instead. Sorry captured with my camera again, scanner's gone a bit wonky.

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That's supposed to be V at the showers...it's ok, I couldn't tell who it was after I finished the drawing either.

Dear lord You have such a Cute Avatar. The Cute Level is overwhelming.

[The Dark Fiddler]

Just rolled, and got Zz'Dtri with Durkon and O'Chul because of Geas/Quest spell.

I can tell you're going to have a lot of fun here.

Also, Coffee, if you keep advertising Murphy's Law here, then I'll just have to advertise my Let's Play of Monster Rancher Advance 2: The Story of Ash, Chapter 2 which I updated.