Crack Pairings IV - You Can't Unread It

[Thor Person Guy]

We could write it as a round robin.

Although I'm somewhat wary of what the minds of this thread might spawn collectively.

Round robin it is! How much of this stuff do you think that would take?

[Monzach]

I propose that from now on we refer to all things of a...ahem...sexual nature (feel free to move away from me now) Vaarsuvian, instead of Venereal. This, of course, in reference to the quip about the different meaning of VD in this thread.

Feel free to ignore me again.

[Aaron]

NO, I missed out the family group hug!

No you didn't. *Sneak attack Hug*

We could write it as a round robin.

Although I'm somewhat wary of what the minds of this thread might spawn collectively.

Thor Person Guy, I need to use your gasoline when you're done...

ELDITCH ABOMINATIONS OF UN-TOLD POWER!

But seriously let's do it! It'll be Epic Squickyness

RUN AWAY! HE'S GOING MAD!

[Zanaril]

Vaarsuvius's eyes opened slowly, the last traces of memories drifting back into the past. And mercifully, they were no longer memories of the soldiers, once forsaken, never to be forgotten, but at least the elf was now forgiven. The ceiling swam into view.

Ceiling.

Vaarsuvius almost jumped in shock, heart racing, and looked around the room. It shouldn't be a room, it should be a desert. They were in the middle of a desert, searching for Girard's gate. The room stayed unwaiveringly real.

A warm hand touched the elf's bare shoulder, and Vaarsuvius realised with a creeping dread than not only was this not the desert, not only was the elf in an unfamiliar room in an unfamiliar bed, but the only thing preserving the Elf's modesty was a layer of sheets and blankets.

And the hand. There was someone else here. Vaarsuvius stared at the unfamiliar human who had reached out and was now creeping their hand up to one pointed ear. Sleepy eyes met the elf's and their owner smiled.

"You're awake early. Last night was something huh?"

Vaarsuvius stared, wide-eyed, and a small indistinct sound escaped the elf's throat. If the elf had been any other humanoid this could have been dismissed as a dream. But elves don't dream; this was real. The next second the mage had scrambled out of the bed and was pulling on the discarded robe that had been strewn haphazardly over a chair, presumably during the 'last night' of which there was no recollection.

"Wait, what -" the human started, but Vaarsuvius had already sped out of the door.

Vaarsuvius didn't get far. The door led to a corridor, and just as the elf was making an impromptu retreat another door opened a short distance along. The elf ran full-on into the person who then stepped out into the corridor, knocking the wind out of both of them. This gave them both an opportunity to notice who they had collided with.

"What in the nine hells are you?" Vaarsuvius exclaimed at the other figure.

"I could ask you the same." the other Vaarsuvius hissed back.

So, anyone interested in carrying on?

[Meg]

So, anyone interested in carrying on?

Me! This is placeholder text to lengthen this message to the point where I can post it.

[Dark Faun]

This thread's summary truly is "shipping V with everyone: it's more than a good idea, it's the law!"

[Monzach]

This thread's summary truly is "shipping V with everyone: it's more than a good idea, it's the law!"

Maybe one of the thread titles (number seven, mebbe?) could be "Pimping out androgynously gendered elves since 2009"?

[BatRobin]

Maybe one of the thread titles (number seven, mebbe?) could be "Pimping out androgynously gendered elves since 2009"?

That'd be #8.

5 is revel in infamy.
6 is stooped to shipping selves
7 is um...we had it...I wrote it before...

[Lycan 01]

Wow, are ya'll actually doing a tag-team VxEveryone story?

I'll wait for an opportune time to make my move.

[Monzach]

That'd be #8.

5 is revel in infamy.
6 is stooped to shipping selves
7 is um...we had it...I wrote it before...

Ah, thanks for the clarification.

Also...Christmas spirit seems to have manifested itself...I actually got a reply in this thread.

[Dark Faun]

7 is um...we had it...I wrote it before...

The only other title I remember is unfortunately my own, "when all else fails, go for the brain!" And I'm not even sure it was kept.

Maybe one of the thread titles (number seven, mebbe?) could be "Pimping out androgynously gendered elves since 2009"?

This makes me realize nobody ships Lirian.

[CoffeeIncluded]

Where Elven Ear Stroking Is A National Sport/If It Doesn't End In Elven Sex, We've Done Something Wrong?

Hey, guys, what about the other characters? This is the Crack Pairings thread, not the V Has Sex With Everything That Moves And Some Things That Don't thread!

[Zanaril]

This thread's summary truly is "shipping V with everyone: it's more than a good idea, it's the law!"

...But I'm chaotic!

And Some Things That Don't

This reminds me, I had an idea for a V/spellbook ficlet. With adultery.

*wanders off*

Hey, guys, what about the other characters?

I have shipped other characters. Just not as vigorously.

Wow, are ya'll actually doing a tag-team VxEveryone story?

Assuming we can get enough participants to keep it rolling, yes.

[Lycan 01]

I'm sorry Coffee, but if you can tell me somebody else who could fit with Ciaphas Cain, or any other Warhammer 40K character, I'll be happy to take a stab at it.

[Monzach]

I'm sorry Coffee, but if you can tell me somebody else who could fit with Ciaphas Cain, or any other Warhammer 40K character, I'll be happy to take a stab at it.

Go with Entire Hobgoblin Army x Ork Army in the throes of WAAGH! rage.

Too far? I think that was too far...

[CoffeeIncluded]

Go with Entire Hobgoblin Army x Ork Army in the throes of WAAGH! rage.

Too far? I think that was too far...

...

Gimme a few minutes to finish my comic update. I'll be right back.

[Lycan 01]

Actually, since Orks are spore-based life-forms, I don't think they have the tools to tackle such a job.

[Dark Faun]

V/spellbook

This gives V's "I consider myself fortunate when I can find my own spellbook in the morning." a whole new meaning...

[Monzach]

Actually, since Orks are spore-based life-forms, I don't think they have the tools to tackle such a job.

Ah, drat, there's always something to throw off inter-universe and inter-species naughtiness.

[Dark Faun]

Gork and Mork man! Don't you know the mekboy spirit? If they can make weapons and vehicles from anything, they can find a way to love!

...which isn't exactly reassuring.

[Lycan 01]

Orks don't have a sex drive, though! They only have a "make things dead and blow stuff up" drive!

[Meg]

Neither Vaarsuvius had time to respond, because the strange human emerged from the bedroom, shaking his dark hair out of his blue eyes. "Hey, I don't know what your problem is, but-" He stopped short at the sight of the two Vaarsuviui.

"There are two of you." He said this with the air of someone who, upon arriving late to their own birthday party, was informed that all of the cake had been eaten.

"Who are you?" said the second Vaarsuvius, at the same time that the first said, "No there are not!"

"Sure looks like there are two of you," he said, in the same, slightly wounded voice. "And I, am the Sorcerer Xykon." He said this with flourish, as if they should know this already, and were slightly stupid for not.

The first Vaarsuvius let out a shrill squawk, and the second glared, shouting, "First you steal my image, and then you sleep with my enemy using it?"

"I did not steal your image, Interloper! If anything, I should be reducing you to a pile of soot! I am a wizard, fiend!"

"You're a wizard?" Xykon's voice took on a chilly edge, but neither Vaarsuvius heard him. They were sizing each other up, looking for weaknesses. "Hey! Elf Chick! Look at me when I am talking to you!" He roughly grabbed what he thought was his Vaarsuvius by the shoulders, spinning the elf to face him.

"I am not a 'Chick!' You seek my doppleganger." spat the 2nd Vaarsuvius.

"Great. Just frickin' great. I manage to shack up with some freaky clone elf wizard chick. This is just freakin' spectacular." He released the male elf, and grabbed the female by the throat.

"I oughta break your neck." The shouting had attracted attention. All up and down the hall, tousled heads poked out of heavy oak doors, similar expressions of shock and horror on each face.

Done! Who's next?

[Monzach]

Gork and Mork man! Don't you know the mekboy spirit? If they can make weapons and vehicles from anything, they can love anything they want!

That's what I think!

I mean, a species that can be both brutally cunnin' and cunningly brutal should be able to do pretty much anything.

Well, apart from talking properly. Or organizing into anything beyond semi-anarchic klans.

[Dark Faun]

"And I, am the Sorcerer Xykon."

Phew. I was starting to fear the human was one of us.

[The Odor]

Phew. I was starting to fear the human was one of us.

Give me some time...

[The Dark Fiddler]

That'd be #8.

5 is revel in infamy.
6 is stooped to shipping selves
7 is um...we had it...I wrote it before...

The exact way I have the list written down:

1: Crack Pairings
2: Brain Bleach Not Included
3: 50% More Squick
4: You Can't Unread It
5: We Revel in Infamy
6: Your Soul is Now Forfeit
7: Warning: Zanaril’s Drinks are Spiked with Love Potion
8: We need a Half-Elf Template (Because if it doesn’t end in elven sex, we’ve done something wrong)
9: We’ve finally stooped to shipping ourselves


Ignore my possibly not as good spelling. I tend to care less when nobody else will see.

Edit: To whoever asked about the holiday entries; I'll read/look at 'em all tonight, then again after a good night's sleep, and confer with Zanaril tomorrow.

[BatRobin]

The exact way I have the list written down:

1: Crack Pairings
2: Brain Bleach Not Included
3: 50% More Squick
4: You Can't Unread It
5: We Revel in Infamy
6: Your Soul is Now Forfeit
7: Warning: Zanaril’s Drinks are Spiked with Love Potion
8: We need a Half-Elf Template (Because if it doesn’t end in elven sex, we’ve done something wrong)
9: We’ve finally stooped to shipping ourselves


Ignore my possibly not as good spelling. I tend to care less when nobody else will see.

Edit: To whoever asked about the holiday entries; I'll read/look at 'em all tonight, then again after a good night's sleep, and confer with Zanaril tomorrow.

IMO, 9 should be 6 and vice versa.

[Meg]

10 should be "This Is Just Starting To Get Ridiculous."

[The Odor]

Vaarsuvius was gasping for air when a door opened and... Vaarsuvius looked out. But not her self but the spliced her.
"What's going on." the spliced Vaarsuvius said with a tierd voice.
"Another one. Wait your that bitch I almost killed. Are you the same or do you only have one of those faces." Xykon screamed. "Well we are twins but that one I don't know about." The male elf said.
"Any ways Fire ball." the female elf roared and pointed a finger to the... goth elf. Next they all stared at her finger that had absolutly not launched a fire ball.
"Sis we don't got are spellbooks. Nor any components." the male one said.
"I don't think we got enough sleep ast night to continue with things that are bad for us..."
Now Xykon realised that he neither had any spells. The goth elf smiled.
"Five, four, three, two, one. Why can't I wake up. Is it real."

Could someone check the spelling please.

[Closak]

Did you know that a dragons tail is similiar to an elfs ear?

Seriously, a dragons tail is...Oh ah...

The ABD is nibbling my tail...again.