Things I May No Longer Do While Playing XI: I May Not Postpone Naming My Thread

[sengmeng]

**May no longer assume the above poster was speaking of fighting giant spiders in real life.

Well, "under any circumstances" covers real life AND purely hypothetical fights, so you weren't exactly wrong.

[DigoDragon]

Well, "under any circumstances" covers real life AND purely hypothetical fights, so you weren't exactly wrong.

* This is not evidence that the giant spider combat took place in Florida.

[Anonymouswizard]

If you suddenly opened part of a neutron star's core to an area of massively-lower pressure along a single plane and from only one side, would gravity continue to hold it firmly on its own side of the portal, or would it fountain through like water would if you'd opened one end of the portal at the bottom of the ocean?

answer inconclusive (I tend to rule no when using portals and wormholes, even if it's unrealistic, just so I don't have to spend 2 hours calculating how doomed my setting is).

[JAL_1138]

* This is not evidence that the giant spider combat took place in Florida.

**Australia, on the other grasping appendage, may be a safe bet.

Spoiler: WARNING: IMAGES OF UNHOLY ARACHNID ABOMINATIONS

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[Anonymouswizard]

**Australia, on the other grasping appendage, may be a safe bet.

Spoiler: WARNING: IMAGES OF UNHOLY ARACHNID ABOMINATIONS

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*** My god-slaying hero cannot be scared of Australia.

[Belac93]

*** My god-slaying hero cannot be scared of Australia.

****My druid is not allowed to come from Australia.

[Twizzly513]

****My druid is not allowed to come from Australia.

*****My wizard cannot have a familiar from Australia

[Lord Raziere]

****** My superhero cannot be "Captain Australia." and make Captain America look weak and pitiful by comparison.

[Fable Wright]

****** My superhero cannot be "Captain Australia." and make Captain America look weak and pitiful by comparison.

******* Captain Australia is not a reskinned Steve Irwin.
******** Captain <Country> is allowed to have a first name other than Steve.

* Must have combat tactics other than "run away" and "make everyone else as unable to fight as I am".
** The fact that the latter tactic has yet to fail in instantly incapacitating a foe is irrelevant.
*** If I nearly got two members of the party killed in attempting to acquire a bodyguard, said bodyguard should be used for something other than scouting.
**** Especially considering that the last time she scouted, she nearly broke the mind of our most powerful allies on accident.

[Guizonde]

*if my dm forgets my initial class and starts calling it the "josé", i might have gone undercover a bit too far.
**i'm banned from making "josé" sound like a dignified name for an inquisitor. (for anglophones, that's the equivalent of "burt" or "lawrence". old school name)
***same goes for jean-pierre.
****the team cannot have "plan a" be "let josé figure it out".
***** when at level 2, it's routine for josé to roll 31+ on intimidation checks, not allowed to bypass encounters by saying "i cast josé's evil glare". it doesn't sound intimidating.
****** the above cannot be "plan b".
*no encouraging the team to goomba-stomp into combat. they don't have my bonuses in acrobatics.
** goomba-stomping an enemy can be considered a "dynamic entry". not a battle-cry.
***goomba-stomping an enemy and stabbing it in the face with a rapier may be effective, but it's humiliating enough to warrant an alignment change.
(one of these days, i'll have a character with a normal name...)

Spoiler

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inquisitor josiah (josé) rosépine, half-elf sworn to cayden caellean, whose cover is a mercenary swashbuckler in riddle-port. i kind of forgot to read the lore on pathfinder inquisitors and went ahead with a warhammer 40k fluff idea. so far, it's working pretty good, despite a lot of mood whiplash: drinking hard, play-acting the swashbuckler, uncovering sanity-loss inducing horror, drinking to forget, saving children, stabbing zombies in the face...

[Anonymouswizard]

* Setting the ocean on fire is not the only way to be sure.

[DCraw]

****My druid is not allowed to come from Australia.

****a The verbal component of Summon Nature's Ally is not "Crikey"
****a(2) Especially not in an ocker accent

[Catalessi]

*may not oneshot most human enemies bare handed
**may not oneshot powerful mutants using only brass knuckles
***may not oneshot tanks using only a normal sword
****i am now banned from creating melee-based characters

[JAL_1138]

* Setting the ocean on fire is not the only way to be sure.

Considering nuking the ocean just resulted in Godzilla instead of making it less dangerous...

[DigoDragon]

* I am no longer allowed to announce my entrance with a pyrotechnic display of magic.
** I am banned from unleashing magical fireworks inside any flammable building.
*** I am banned from using fireworks Period.
**** I do not have legal enforcement powers to make an arrest.
***** There is no such thing as Self-Declared Super Enforcement Powers.
****** I am not bullet-proof just because I believe I am really really awesome.
******* Ego is not an acceptable form of powered Damage Resistance.
******** If I survive a crit from One Punch Man, I'm not allowed to say a word about being right.

Spoiler

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Yep, The Great & Powerful Trixie had made another appearance on Earth.

Much to Nick Fury's disappointment with how she handled the mission. XD

[JAL_1138]

...Shouldn't a crit from Saitama have leveled the campaign setting?

[DigoDragon]

...Shouldn't a crit from Saitama have leveled the campaign setting?

* We're not allowed to question the GM's artistic interpretations (although two buildings were technically written off as 'leveled' in the battle).

[Zarquon Illius]

I may play an Aasimar Warforged if I have the specs.
They could also be called celestial warforged.
I may not call them Starwarforged.
If I have one, I may give him the linguist feat.
No, I may not make C3PO.
Even Especially if he has better combat skills than the fighter.

[JAL_1138]

I may play an Aasimar Warforged if I have the specs.
They could also be called celestial warforged.
I may not call them Starwarforged.
If I have one, I may give him the linguist feat.
No, I may not make C3PO.
Even Especially if he has better combat skills than the fighter.

Reminds me of trying to build an assassin droid in Star Wars and give him the external casing of a protocol droid, plus a linguistics package, so he'd have a solid cover identity. Assassinate people by posing as a servant droid and poisoning their blue milk, generally, and only start shooting when the poodoo hits the turbine.

[Katrina]

**Australia, on the other grasping appendage, may be a safe bet.

Spoiler: WARNING: IMAGES OF UNHOLY ARACHNID ABOMINATIONS

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* Offensive teleporting of my enemies to Austraila will result in my alignment shifting toward evil.

[Anonymouswizard]

Reminds me of trying to build an assassin droid in Star Wars and give him the external casing of a protocol droid, plus a linguistics package, so he'd have a solid cover identity. Assassinate people by posing as a servant droid and poisoning their blue milk, generally, and only start shooting when the poodoo hits the turbine.

* My assassins may no longer be competent.
** My assassins may no longer use poison.
*** My assassins may no longer scout.
**** My assassins may no longer use disguises.
***** If my assassin wouldn't fit in Assassin's Creed they're banned.
****** My assassins no longer have access to fanfiction.

[goto124]

***** If my assassin wouldn't fit in Assassin's Creed they're banned.

****** If your assassin's method of stealth isn't this, you're doing it wrong.

[JAL_1138]

****** If your assassin's method of stealth isn't this, you're doing it wrong.

*Thermonuclear weaponry does not count as "assassination."
**I may not counter the argument with "Well, he's dead, ain't he?"

[Zarquon Illius]

{In a Harry Potter style game, using the (tweaked) D&D system}
You said you were playing a No-Maj, not a Gnome Mage!
Just because they sound similar does not give you a right to disintegrate Voldemort and detect magic+dispel his horcruxes in the equivalent of the first book.

[Guizonde]

*not allowed to get my vengeance on the dm banning "the inquisition of black powder" by ordering a canonade.
**especially if it killed a boss in a single volley.
*** not allowed to mount a canon on the paladin's back and ride him like a krootox.
**** the dc to hide my stupid grin is dc 25 in bluff (i failed by 3 points). this just proves to the dm it was a good call to not give me a shepherd gun.
* i got a promotion. this makes me sargeant josé, not "captain josé sparrow" (despite acting like him).
** i must find a name that sounds more credible and less giggle-inducing when even the dm giggles when calling my name.
*** when going into thuvia and wearing local clothing riding a camel, it does not make me "josé of arabia". books will be thrown at me.
**** the bard can't encourage me in being silly-efficient.
***** the bard is now prohibited from aiding me in casting "josé's evil glare" (the intimidation check hit 45, he boosted it to 49)

* clerics can heal and mend. the cleric mending a war galleon by hitting a dc 47 for a cantrip does not make her the best healer on the ship, but the best shipwright.
** if the reason the cleric is packing "mend" as a cantrip is that there's a hidden pool for how many times i'm gonna get my sunglasses punched off my face, i'm probably being obnoxious to the npc's.
*** no, the npc's do not deserve it.
**** yes, my sunglasses do deserve it, apparently.
*cockiness is not encouraged by cayden caellean.
*no more signing contracts with a devout of asmodeus to win a bet. (even if i won fair and square).
*no loudly saying "next!" after fragging a critter that terrorized veteran sailors.
*when the bard yells "i'm free!!" not allowed to say "hi there free, i'm josé, have a drink on me".
** not allowed to convince the paladin the bard's name is really "free".
*i'd better have a real good reason to summon champagne. combined with the pointy ears, it makes the monk question my sexuality too often.
** "half-drow" does not make me bisexual. according to the dm, it does make me "half-bdsm". much to the hilarity of the monk.
*** cannot refuse the advances of the very attractive cat-girl captain on the grounds of "it isn't professional conduct" while giving orders to her crew without wearing pants.
*despite popular dwarf theory, orks don't float.
* not allowed to bemoan the fact that "handle rope" is gone from the skill list in pathfinder every session. the dm is sad about it too.

[JAL_1138]

*My cowardly, paranoid, overcautious character should remain cowardly, paranoid, and overcautious instead of suddenly growing a spine whenever facing ludicrous odds.

Spoiler: explanation

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The character has a bit of mental trauma from his time in the Demiplane of Dread. He's extremely cautious of danger and kind of shell-shocked, always expecting something horrible to happen...but once it does, it's kind of like "Ah. Everything's trying to kill me and I have little to no chance of survival. This is normal and expected." Although he thinks otherwise, it's really not the danger that bothers him, it's the anticipation. When everything's going ok, all he can think of is the billion different horrifying ways it can go wrong. When the sh#% actually does hit the fan, the dreadful anticipation is gone and all those terrifying possibilities give way to an immediate, known, and comprehensible situation—so he's pretty much fine. Walking through the undercroft of the ruins of an abandoned temple? Terrifying. He'll tap every step of the way with a 10ft pole, put up Detect Magic, and do everything in his power to avoid danger, being as cautious and stealthy as possible. Facing down two dozen angry giants, though? He'll load his crossbow, tune up his lute, and say "Come on, we can take 'em." If you know why he thinks and acts that way, it makes sense, but it can be really incongruous when the guy who's been hyper-paranoid about the slightest hint of danger is suddenly calm to the point of overconfidence about the prospect of being torn to shreds by an oncoming horde of zombies.

[Lord Raziere]

* Never give any Shonen Hero a Green Lantern Ring. EVER.
** This goes double for Simon or Kamina
*** Despite them both being colored green, Green Lantern energy and Spiral Power are not the same energy source.
**** Conversely, giving Shinji Ikari a Yellow Lantern Ring to power off his own infinite amount of fear is also not allowed.
***** Giving The Hulk, Broly, Kale, Asura, Guts, Khornate Berserkers, Kratos, Harry Dresden or Yang Xiaolong a Red Lantern Ring will not end well for anyone.

[ErebusVonMori]

*My cowardly, paranoid, overcautious character should remain cowardly, paranoid, and overcautious instead of suddenly growing a spine whenever facing ludicrous odds.

Spoiler: explanation

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The character has a bit of mental trauma from his time in the Demiplane of Dread. He's extremely cautious of danger and kind of shell-shocked, always expecting something horrible to happen...but once it does, it's kind of like "Ah. Everything's trying to kill me and I have little to no chance of survival. This is normal and expected." Although he thinks otherwise, it's really not the danger that bothers him, it's the anticipation. When everything's going ok, all he can think of is the billion different horrifying ways it can go wrong. When the sh#% actually does hit the fan, the dreadful anticipation is gone and all those terrifying possibilities give way to an immediate, known, and comprehensible situation—so he's pretty much fine. Walking through the undercroft of the ruins of an abandoned temple? Terrifying. He'll tap every step of the way with a 10ft pole, put up Detect Magic, and do everything in his power to avoid danger, being as cautious and stealthy as possible. Facing down two dozen angry giants, though? He'll load his crossbow, tune up his lute, and say "Come on, we can take 'em." If you know why he thinks and acts that way, it makes sense, but it can be really incongruous when the guy who's been hyper-paranoid about the slightest hint of danger is suddenly calm to the point of overconfidence about the prospect of being torn to shreds by an oncoming horde of zombies.

So you've basically made Rincewind.

[JAL_1138]

So you've basically made Rincewind.

Rincewind is much, much less violent. There's definitely a fair bit of similarity and influence in terms of paranoia and certainty that things will go horribly wrong eventually, and it's true Rincewind has a streak of bravery in him and will take action if cornered or it's strictly necessary (see, e.g., the Things from the Dungeon Dimensions, or the halfbrick-inna-sock, or a few other moments), but Rincewind doesn't have an itchy trigger finger on a +2 crossbow he knows how to use, either.

Saying "come on, we can take 'em" regarding a horde of angry giants (and trying to talk the party into staying and fighting) has happened more than once. He actually believes it each time, too.

[Fable Wright]

***** Giving The Hulk, Broly, Kale, Asura, Guts, Khornate Berserkers, Kratos, Harry Dresden or Yang Xiaolong a Red Lantern Ring will not end well for anyone.

****** May not be surprised when Harry Dresden returns the ring unused.

Saying "come on, we can take 'em" regarding a horde of angry giants (and trying to talk the party into staying and fighting) has happened more than once. He actually believes it each time, too.

* May not assume that anything can frighten something that survived the Demiplane of Dread.
** Nor am I allowed to bring recruits into the plane for the sole purpose of granting them survival instincts and the Immunity to Fear quality.
*** Trying is just begging The Powers to be turn me into a Darklord.
**** And they've learned from Vecna's shenanigans, thankyouverymuch.