My Little Pony XIX: I Emptied Your Thread

[Kris Strife]

I would wear a men's shirt in Rainbow Dash blue, with white lettering saying "It needs to be 20% cooler."

As it's been about 100 degrees F or higher here most of the time recently, it'd be incredibly relevant and no one who wasn't a brony would think anything of it.

[MlleRouge]

Feeling Pinkie Keen.

The morals just rubbed me the wrong way. Rapidash Twilight almost made up for it though. Almost.

Completely seconded. I would not want my child absorbing that one >>


Favorite is hard to call, but I'd probably say episode 26. "The Gala is always awful!"

[darthbobcat]

Completely seconded. I would not want my child absorbing that one >>


Favorite is hard to call, but I'd probably say episode 26. "The Gala is always awful!"

Pardon me if I'm mistaken, but are you new here?

[Kurgan]

@Grif

Finished the story. Was fun, found a few things.

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Trixie’s heart hammered as she took in the beast in it’s full majesty. A full 20-feet long, the dirty yellow scales shone dully in the fading light of the afternoon sun. Unlike most forest creatures, this one sported six short stumpy legs, which seemed almost inadequate to support the huge bulk. Massive teeth jutted out of the slightly protruding jaw, glinting menancingly.

The -> its
Shone -> Shined (shined just reads better to me)
Menacingly, you have an extra "n" in there

Coughing slightly as the smoke enveloped her being, Trixie tried to think of a spell to upstage this creature. Her violet eyes spotted a vine hanging low on a nearby tree.

You could probably take out "being", it would then read "Coughing slightly as the smoke enveloped her, Trixie tried..."

Sometimes fewer words are better.

Three times she attempted to close the distance, only for the beast to move away from the protective smoke screen, or she found the dangerous eyes flicking in her direction. Three times she had to retreat and tried to circle the beast.

"Three times she had to retreat and circle the beast." the tried seems unnecessary, as we know that all three times she circled the beast. If you want to keep the word, change it to "try" for "three times she had to retreat and try to circle the beast."

She hazarded it was unlikely hurt the beast directly. Not with her repertoire of spells.

How about “she hazarded it was unlikely she could hurt the beast, at least not with her repertoire of spells.”

No such luck. The basilisk burst onto the bank of the stream, his head turning to and fro, before the beady black eyes spotted the azure mare just clambering the opposite show. Immediately the basilisk focused on the magician, the air beginning to shimmer with magic.

His: we never got a gender on this before, change it to "its"
The: change it to "its"
Just: take this word out, it is not needed here.
Show: ? did you want "shore"?

Trixie whirled around in panic when she heard the basilisk rumble onto the side of the stream.

"Onto" has implications of above. I'd say change it to "into", unless basilisks can walk on water.

She clambered hurriedly on the bank, just as the beast roared at the pale yellow unicorn. Lemongrass gave a frightened yelp and dove into the bushes.Apparently the roar was enough to convince him that facing a mythical beast probably wasn’t the best for his health.

Just need a space here.

Letting out a furious roar, it swept its tail in an arc, apparently hoping to get the unicorn which did the deed.

This doesn’t read right to me, perhaps that instead of which?

“Ow... my head...” she heard Coin Dust moan from the bushes to her right. Trixie considered briefly to leave the tax agent there and make her escape. But before she could do so, the mare heard another voice call her from behind.

How about “Trixie briefly considered leaving the tax agent there and make her escape.”

“I see the confidence my employers had in you wasn’t misplaced. I’ll admit, the sight of you resorting to cheap dirty con-pony tricks back in Ponyton shook my belief in you.”

This doesn’t flow off the tongue too well to me. Either break it up with commas or cut out a few of the words

The basilisk isn’t a beast to be toyed with. At best I could have drawn it away and eventually lost it in the thick undergrowth, possibly with a little help from favourable terrain and a generous helping of luck,” Steel Hoof said in a serious tone.

Try to avoid using the same word more than once in a sentence. Not a firm rule, go for it now and then, but at the same time, when other words do the same thing, go for them instead.

“possibly with a little help from favourable terrain and a generous amount of luck”

Had you two stuck around, you’re just going to be hunted down one at a time. The basilisk never fails to track its prey.” Steel Hoof tapped his muzzle to indicate how the basilisk tracked its prey.

Tense. "you would have been hunted down"

Lemongrass stared at the earth pony for a long while, before nodding slowly with understanding. “I... yes. We just happened to had bad luck while chasing Miss Trixie here.

have

After another hour of fussing with the first aid kit, this time without the explicit help of Trixie, Steel Hoof finally bade for the azure unicorn to make herself comfortable on the floor. Which she had while waiting for him to finish.

This doesn't read right to me. I've tried to think of a better way, but cannot think of anything without combining it with the next paragraph. Not sure if you want edits of that scale though.

“Then.... well, we forget this ever happened. You go our separate ways and you will never hear from us again. Of course your tax troubles would remain troublesome...”

"We go our separate ways"
Double the trouble in one sentence.

“I hope you would turn out to our expectations, Great & Powerful Trixie,” he said softly, before moving to close the door.

"I hope you turn out to be as good as expected" perhaps.


One other thing, you use a lot of adverbs (quickly, suddenly, slowly, etc). They are like sprinkles, too much and it just throws everything off, but if you get the right amount in, all is well. I'd say cut some of them out possibly and let the reader figure out how fast the action is.

For example:

Lemongrass stared at the earth pony for a long while, before nodding slowly with understanding.

Into this:

Lemongrass stared at the earth pony for a long while, before nodding with understanding.

Under most circumstances, we don't need to know the exact speed at which Lemongrass was nodding.

That said, do not cut these out entirely, just spread them out rather than pile them on.

[fizmat]

Actually, I was referring to Twilight's father:

So, judging by cutie mark and colors, Trixie is Twi's half-sister...

Rainbow dash was the only one who got in her face. The others were talking among themselves. After that she challenged them.

As always, Rainbow Dash is there to turn a minor annoyance into a full blown conflict.

THAT'S WHAT YOUR MOM SAID!

My Mom said you always are there are turn a mild annoyance into a full blown conflict?

... I stand by what I said.

These two posts gave me the strongest feeling of Deja Vu. I'm very sure I read them ~5-10 threads back. Probably just a glitch in the matrix, nothing serious.

And I have nothing interesting to say (again). That's why I mostly skulk in the shadows, lurk in the bushes, fade into the thread once in a while, ruin everything like an onos, all the while gorging on your friendship and discussions. sorry onos, you're the only Khaara with a not-a-verb-in-disguise name

[SiuiS]

So hey, another bit of canon I never noticed but that would have been good to be stated directly a couple months ago.

: Mommy?
: Winter. Wrap-Up.
: You're not Mommy...

Guess this clears up the Spike-Twilight relationship. Probably more sibling style. Of course, now the question becomes;

Who is mommy?

I guess it would be Celestia. Although the theory that Twilight's parents raised both Spike and Twilight together holds a bit more water now.

Also also!
Seems the come-to-life spell name is canonical. I always just thought someone coined it and it stuck. Learn something new every time I rewatch an episode.
Which reminds me!

The german dub? I have only seen the pilot twice. Yet I had no trouble inserting my own dialogue. I don't know if it's my memory/obsessiveness, the straight-forward story-telling, or what, but I found it strange. Enjoyable, but strange.

[Rappy]

My favorite episode would have to be Applebuck Season. It's the first episode I saw, and it's stuck with me.

As for the least favorite...Owl's Well. Really, is that surprising by now?

Aaaand that's my contractually obligated per-thread cameo done!

[WJMill]

Since I'm "relatively" new how about this:
Favorite episode and why?

It's really hard for me to come up with a 'favorite' because I really enjoy all of them and watch them in my spare time. I have probably watched Party of One more times than the rest (sorry, shadenfreude, but I like watch Pinkie going nuts..), as well as Bridle Gossip, because Flutterguy makes me cackle every time, and Cutie Mark Chronicles, because.. well, because.

I think this one picture sums up Generation X perfectly

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Oh gods, this sent me in to a hilarious coughing fit.

Hey everypony, the Old Stories is up on Equestria Daily and so far the reaction seems very positive. Thank you for bullying me into submitting it.

Awesome! I hope everyone else enjoyed it as much as I did!

I sense a meme in the making.

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- First, find something darthbobcat has <insert verb>
- Second, STEAL THE HELL OUT OF IT

- First, find something darthbobcat has punned
- Second, STEAL THE HELL OUT OF IT

Well, it's supposed to be Springtime for Hitlerish, but, yeah, I fast forwarded through it the first time, so I hardly blame you for hating it.

I will have to watch this later, as it is currently 4 a.m. where I am, but props for The Producers reference. <3 (My favorite musical/movie of all time ever.) Someone needs to do a ponyfication of this.. Wait, I could do that.. (o/`~We can do it, we can do it~o/`)

EDIT: Least favorite episode (not quoted because I'm exhausted from a nearly 13 hour D&D session, a last hurrah for our group because two of the core members, and myself and the DM are going to be moving soon.) is probably Owl's Well That Ends Well, or maybe even Winter Wrap Up (post-awesome song) because I think Twilight needs to get over herself and jump into things sometimes. Maybe even Fall Weather Friends because I don't really like seeing Dash and AJ being mean to each other, even if it was 'in the spirit of competition'.

[Kris Strife]

So, judging by cutie mark and colors, Trixie is Twi's half-sister...

And Midnight's family gets even weirder.

[SiuiS]

So, judging by cutie mark and colors, Trixie is Twi's half-sister...

nah. It's hard to tell without a good, hi-def shot, but his cutie mark are two crescent moons, nested one within the other. Trixie has a magic wand, adorned with a star, and a ... Well, either a cloak with stars, or a crescent nebula with stars. They are only very superficially similar.

Although I'm sure there is a fic out there exploring Trixie and Twilight Sparkle as siblings. Exploring each other XD
Also; Hi Fizmat! Wasn't sure if you were gonna stick with the Scootaloo, but it looks like it stuck.
Yay! I can identify you by sight, now.

-

DarthBobcat, doesn't matter if she's new! Hit her with two barrels of S-cute-aloo! You know you wanna.

[darthbobcat]

- First, find something darthbobcat has punned
- Second, STEAL THE HELL OUT OF IT

- First, find an iron ingot that darthbobcat has mined.
- Second, STEEL THE HELL OUT OF IT.

Traditional greeting! Double Scootaloo!

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[Grif]

@Grif

Finished the story. Was fun, found a few things.

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The -> its
Shone -> Shined (shined just reads better to me)
Menacingly, you have an extra "n" in there



You could probably take out "being", it would then read "Coughing slightly as the smoke enveloped her, Trixie tried..."

Sometimes fewer words are better.



"Three times she had to retreat and circle the beast." the tried seems unnecessary, as we know that all three times she circled the beast. If you want to keep the word, change it to "try" for "three times she had to retreat and try to circle the beast."



How about “she hazarded it was unlikely she could hurt the beast, at least not with her repertoire of spells.”



His: we never got a gender on this before, change it to "its"
The: change it to "its"
Just: take this word out, it is not needed here.
Show: ? did you want "shore"?



"Onto" has implications of above. I'd say change it to "into", unless basilisks can walk on water.



Just need a space here.



This doesn’t read right to me, perhaps that instead of which?



How about “Trixie briefly considered leaving the tax agent there and make her escape.”



This doesn’t flow off the tongue too well to me. Either break it up with commas or cut out a few of the words



Try to avoid using the same word more than once in a sentence. Not a firm rule, go for it now and then, but at the same time, when other words do the same thing, go for them instead.

“possibly with a little help from favourable terrain and a generous amount of luck”




Tense. "you would have been hunted down"



have



This doesn't read right to me. I've tried to think of a better way, but cannot think of anything without combining it with the next paragraph. Not sure if you want edits of that scale though.




"We go our separate ways"
Double the trouble in one sentence.




"I hope you turn out to be as good as expected" perhaps.


One other thing, you use a lot of adverbs (quickly, suddenly, slowly, etc). They are like sprinkles, too much and it just throws everything off, but if you get the right amount in, all is well. I'd say cut some of them out possibly and let the reader figure out how fast the action is.

For example:


Into this:


Under most circumstances, we don't need to know the exact speed at which Lemongrass was nodding.

That said, do not cut these out entirely, just spread them out rather than pile them on.

Thank you so much!
Will be editing to fix errors.

[SiuiS]

DeadManSleeping, I left off on chapter 9 of an Old Mare's Tale. I am now starting on 11, though whiter I'll finish before faking asleep, I couldn't tell you.

But I figured I would say it here, since I can't comment on eqD (seriously, I have some sort of curse; when it isn't the OS acting up, it's a server error!) I'll tell you here.
Love the story. You've got an implied depth that's staggering. Really draws one in, and I can see the far horizons, the background details, clear as crystal. Most stories, only the immediate action leaves a mental image.

What that's supposed to mean is you are very good and should keep it up. If it sounds like gibberish, then just skip to this paragraph here :smalwink:
I am baffled by the number of really good stories that come out of the playground specifically. This place is a gold mine of awesome people. And now, also ponies.

[Gamerlord]

At the risk of negativity, what's everyone's least favorite episode? Mine is Owl's Well That Ends Well.

Feeling Pinkie Keen. A beautiful orchestra, conducted by a monkey. Sort of like every game ever made by Obsidian Entertainment.
Over a Barrel is a close second. I REALLY hope they keep that writer away from the typewriters in S2.

[Deadly]

At the risk of negativity, what's everyone's least favorite episode? Mine is Owl's Well That Ends Well.

Feeling Pinkie Keen. For the hopefully obvious reason. I even wrote a short, and probably not terribly great fan fic, to point out and offer a kind of remedy for its mistakes.

A close second is A Dog and Pony Show... the voices of those dogs are just insanely obnoxious.

[Welf]

At the risk of negativity, what's everyone's least favorite episode? Mine is Owl's Well That Ends Well.

Mine is Over A Barrel. I just didnät liked the plot and it felt disjointed. But since I liked the introduced charatcers, it close with Owl's That Ends Well. There wasn't something I disliked about that episode, but also nothing memorable. Feeling Pinkie Keen had it's problems, but it was pretty funny and source for many memes.

nah. It's hard to tell without a good, hi-def shot, but his cutie mark are two crescent moons, nested one within the other. Trixie has a magic wand, adorned with a star, and a ... Well, either a cloak with stars, or a crescent nebula with stars. They are only very superficially similar.

Although I'm sure there is a fic out there exploring Trixie and Twilight Sparkle as siblings. Exploring each other XD
Also; Hi Fizmat! Wasn't sure if you were gonna stick with the Scootaloo, but it looks like it stuck.
Yay! I can identify you by sight, now.

Huh, I've been looking at the cutie mark a dozen times and never noticed that the big thing isn't necessarily a moon. But all their cutie marks have a stars, moon and magic theme.

And here the comic you asked for, even if you didn't.

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By the way, why is the picture in the Op spoilered?

[ScionoftheVoid]

For the thread: game: discussion document, should I post here as well as there? Granted, I'm entirely rewriting my idea because it sucked intransaltion, but for future referencings?

I tend to mention it here when I'm the only person who's made any entries in the discussion document for the last week or so, if other people have commented I probably wouldn't bother. But that almost never happens, so mentioning it here probably isn't a bad thing - though preferably the post won't just be about that.


Favourite and least favourite episodes? Hmm...

For favourite, Cutie Mark Chronicles or Party of One were both excellent - which one I favour depends on if I want cute or funny, really.

For least favourite, I know I disliked Owl's Well That Ends Well, but can't remember why. I'm fairly sure it wasn't just the over-use of the "hoo/who?" joke.

On the other hand, Bridle Gossip is just awkward for me, and Twilight giving in and believing in curses just seems very out-of-character. That Twilight's horn made me squeamish for half the episode really didn't help. So I'll go for Bridle Gossip.

[Deadly]

On the other hand, Bridle Gossip is just awkward for me, and Twilight giving in and believing in curses just seems very out-of-character.

Strangely never bothered me much. I think I just assumed it was because of the great stress of having a (supposedly) useless horn. I mean, that must be traumatic for a unicorn, almost as bad as losing it entirely. No wonder she grew desperate eventually.

[Kindablue]

The german dub? I have only seen the pilot twice. Yet I had no trouble inserting my own dialogue. I don't know if it's my memory/obsessiveness, the straight-forward story-telling, or what, but I found it strange. Enjoyable, but strange.

I think Hitchcock said once that the mark of a great movie is one in which no one says anything and everyone knows exactly what they mean. I don't know if that's true, but I would like to know if it would be as easy to understand the German version if I had never seen it in English.

Feeling Pinkie Keen is redeemed for me by virtue of it having the cutest animation in the whole series. It would have been one of my favorites had it just ended with something like: "but even if it makes no sense now, I won't give up until Pinkie's premonitions are fully understood. We start the tests tomorrow. - Yr. Faithful Student, Twilight Sparkle." And then faded out on her setting up an anvil catapult or something. Who knows, we never get to read Celestia's responses, and I like to imagine that the two of them have a lot more discussions about methodological naturalism than make it on the show.

[Nomar]

Strangely never bothered me much. I think I just assumed it was because of the great stress of having a (supposedly) useless horn. I mean, that must be traumatic for a unicorn, almost as bad as losing it entirely. No wonder she grew desperate eventually.

I figure she just panicked when she saw her horn. That would explain her lapses in judgment over the rest of the episode. If she had calmed down a bit then she she might have noticed that she first saw her “cursed” horn while brushing her hair with telekinesis, or given Spike the benefit of doubt when he showed her the book.

[EsperDerek]

And Midnight's family gets even weirder.

Why would you even joke about that!?

As for favorite/least favorite:

Favorite: This one is hard. I have a bunch that are really closely piled together at the top of the list: Boast Busters, Sonic Rainboom, and Suited for Success are probably tops in my opinion.

Least Favorite: Feeling Pinkie Keen, it just sort of doesn't work for me. It goes a little too much into the slapstick zone, and they really bodged the message at the end. (I'm willing to believe that was a mistake, as Faust has suggested.) It and Over A Barrel, as I've said before, just feel disjointed and uncertain, like it doesn't know what it's trying to be, as well.

[Kris Strife]

Why would you even joke about that!?

Because it's funny. To me anyways.

[Deadly]

I figure she just panicked when she saw her horn. That would explain her lapses in judgment over the rest of the episode.

My thought exactly. I'm sure if you asked her afterwards, she'd be totally embarrassed with herself. That's why it doesn't bother me.

If she had calmed down a bit then she she might have noticed that she first saw her “cursed” horn while brushing her hair with telekinesis.

Huh, I never noticed that. I guess her floppy horn doesn't actually affect her magic, then.

[InkwellPony]

Eat this, Skull-boy! Showin' off your skull armada? Well face off against my fully functional space vessel!

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The Alicorn Class Starship PNY-1401, designation Aurora!

And I can state that it is officially 20% cooler than any vessel you can throw at me! -(Grins wickedly)-

[tonberrian]

Eat this, Skull-boy! Showin' off your skull armada? Well face off against my fully functional space vessel!

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The Pegasus Class Starship PNY-1401, designation Aurora!

And I can state that it is officially 20% cooler than any vessel you can throw at me! -(Grins wickedly)-

WANT. WANT WANT

[Jahkaivah]

Homer: No, don't kill me. I didn't know there was film in that camera in that hat! I was unaware. I was unaware!
Apu: Mr. Simpson, you misunderstand me. In my village this is the traditional pose of apology.
Homer: Oh.
Apu: You know, now that I think about it, it may be a little confusing. Many have died needlessly.

Bridle Gossip was a great episode, but it's "Don't judge a book by it's cover" moral could have done with a "Try not to be misleading" counter-point. Cultural understanding is a two-way process.

It would have been one of my favorites had it just ended with something like: "but even if it makes no sense now, I won't give up until Pinkie's premonitions are fully understood. We start the tests tomorrow. - Yr. Faithful Student, Twilight Sparkle."

Whether or not it was a bad moral pretty much hinged on whether or not Twilight had concluded she shouldn't give up on figuring out how Pinkie Sense worked. Something that was left rather vague. But lots people people seemed ot assume she had given up.

It's the only episode I've never been able to get through a second time. Call it a pet peeve, but I have no sympathy for hecklers. They deserved to get embarrassed like that in public, and Trixie didn't do anything wrong (that I remember; I've only seen it once).

Aside from lying about defeating an Ursa Major, Trixie did not understand good showmanship, Twilight highlighted this fairly well by not challenging her and yet Trixie continued to press her.

Also:

Trixie: I'm the best!
Challenger: No you're not!
Trixie: I am assaulting you!
Audience: Clearly Trixie is the best!

[Deadly]

(I'm willing to believe that was a mistake, as Faust has suggested.)

Do you have a link to that comment by Faust? I'd love to see her take on that issue.

[Nomar]

Huh, I never noticed that. I guess her floppy horn doesn't actually affect her magic, then.

I only noticed when watching the episode a second time. It might have been a mistake on part of the animators, but I prefer to believe that it was brilliantly intentional.

[EsperDerek]

Do you have a link to that comment by Faust? I'd love to see her take on that issue.

It's on her deviantART, one of the many responses that she's done, but I don't honestly have the link myself on hand.

Eat this, Skull-boy! Showin' off your skull armada? Well face off against my fully functional space vessel!

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The Alicorn Class Starship PNY-1401, designation Aurora!

And I can state that it is officially 20% cooler than any vessel you can throw at me! -(Grins wickedly)-

Geez, Inkwell, that's amazing. You even gave it an awesome background and everything, you did a positively spectacular job.

But Five AM, Inkwell!? Really!? Have you not slept?!

[Aotrs Commander]

Eat this, Skull-boy! Showin' off your skull armada? Well face off against my fully functional space vessel!

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The Alicorn Class Starship PNY-1401, designation Aurora!

Very impressive.

And I can state that it is officially 20% cooler than any vessel you can throw at me! -(Grins wickedly)-

And then that. *sigh*

Temping though it is to throw several entire fleets of re-pony-coloured vessels at you (I have seventy-five assorted starships on the computer...) the time involved to do that is so enormous (and I've got to try and crack out a 144 Sci-Soviet BMP-3 and a command vehicle before next Friday) that I will merely let that one pass.

For now.

(And, also, as doubly-tempting as it would be so throw the real Aotrs fleet at you, the potential threat in the Salatisn system means I really, really can't.)




I note everyone seems to dislike the only completely Spike-centric episode¹, you heartless lot. This has been noted...

(I liked Owl's Well, mainly because it focussed on Spike.)

I thought Feeling Pinkie Keen was hysterical, myself. Bugger moral messages (I mean, I'm Evil, what do I care?), it had Twlight get anviled. That alone was worth the price of admission. (That's not a strike against Twilight, 'cos she's awesome, just that it was screamingly funny.)

I don't think there was really an episode I dislike, though if pressed, I'd say Over a Barrel was a contender; and Green Isn't Your Colour didn't wow me, either.



¹Because Dog and Pony show, which I think is arguably my favourite, along with Dragonshy, was a Spike-and-Rarity episode.

Spike/Rarity will happen!

...

Hang on, I'm missing a trick here. If you're gonna be chased my a crazy goddess, you may as well make use of it...

Lix, you're a shipping goddess; can you make Spike/Rarity happen?