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  1. - Top - End - #661
    Ogre in the Playground
     
    MonkGirl

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table

    Hmmm, Miko/Tsukiko/Haley, Snowed in and True Love. Yeah, I think I can manage that. Coming soon.
    Minister of sarcasm and pragmatism of the Grayview fanclub.

    No, none of us were altering the unimutable laws of physics. That would be wrong.

  2. - Top - End - #662
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    BatRobin's Avatar

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table

    Belkar and Eye or Fear and Flame with Something not PG enough to Mention.

  3. - Top - End - #663
    Ogre in the Playground
     
    Cracklord's Avatar

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    I interrupt my scheduled DurkonxLien shipping to bring you this:

    Eugene and Ydranna (For those philistines out there who haven't read SoD, she's basically Xykon's girlfriend/hated foe, and she has promised to rip him to pieces next time they meet, which I am anxiously looking forward too.)
    Love/hate relationship, with the individual they love and hate being Xykon.
    Spoiler
    Show

    Her perfume wafted in the still air of the murky room, hiding the stale smell of sweat and sex. It was strong and sickly sweet, and gave an impression of decay. But what could you expect? She was who she was. Eugene wasn't sure he liked it, but there was no avoiding it, it saturated the air. Ydranna used perfume like a battering ram.

    He rolled over onto his side, wincing as he did. She'd clawed his back and sides, her hot kisses had left marks that would take a long time to heal.

    Perhaps they never would. The moment had faded, and he could feel his shame catching up to him. The perfume clung to the air not letting him escape or find any solace. He was a coward, he always had been, but this was a whole new low. He tried to think of Sarah, and found it desperately hard to remember her face. Instead heart-shaped features with tawny eyes and the laughter lines of casual cruelty sneered at him mockingly in his minds eye, and the waking-world offered no escape.

    She was already out of the bed, totally lacking any modesty or self-consciousness despite being as naked as the day she was born, already picking up her discarded clothes scattered across the room by their earlier passion, incidentally giving him a lovely view of the smooth skin of her back and legs. But there was nothing provocative about it. It was as though he'd ceased to exist. She didn't even seem to care about what they'd just done together. Well, so be it. He wouldn't care either.

    "You're still here?" He said, trying to keep up an air of nonchalance.

    Seeing right through him she turned and replied with a sultry smile that sent his blood racing. "I'll be gone in a few moments. And you'll despair that you'll never get this lucky again." She said, as she pulled her dark robe over her curvy form. She looked young and fit, soft in all the right places, skinny in all the other ones, but that didn’t mean anything. Magic-users as powerful as her usually looked there best, or rather, however they wanted to look. She could be as old as her lover, even older perhaps. He wasn’t sure he wanted to know.

    "Don't flatter yourself."

    "You're one to talk." A finger so soft it was as though she'd been wearing calfskin gloves her entire life traced a pattern down the right side of his cheek, but there was nothing tender about it, and he wanted to flinch away. "We both know I'm way out of your league."

    "If you say so." He replied, affecting a disinterested drawl. He knew she wouldn't be fooled, but his pride wouldn't let him have it any other way.

    It was as he expected, she wasn't fooled. "I'm not one of your usual type. This doesn’t mean anything. So don’t be thinking of me when I’m gone.”

    “I wasn’t thinking of you when you were here.”

    She flashed that smile again. “As you like. Tell me, are you going to tell her this, or are you too much of a coward? Will this be your dirty little secret? Every time she touches you, will you remember this?”

    “It’s not like that.”

    “Well, it isn’t for me. But you like to think your better then that.” She said, batting her eyes coquettishly. “But no one is. This wasn’t about you, all in all you’re fairly irrelevant. This is just to hurt him, and you’re the only enemy of his who hates him as much as I do. You should be proud, almost all his enemies are dead and gone.”

    “So you're just trying to hurt him?”

    “No, I’m trying to live my hate, and do something with it, not just talk about it.” She said, then grabbed his chin and forced him to look at her. “Eugene, you’re a little man. Little goals, little dreams, little. No one cares, not me, not him. He doesn’t even know you exist. You think this’ll hurt him? Well, it will, but it will be me doing the hurting, not you. Because you do not matter. And as much as you bluster and roar, you’re just a mouse. And I’m a fox, and he’s a lion. And if you get involved with either of us again, we’ll swallow you whole. You’re so far out of your league you don’t even know what sort of game you’re playing. Now why don’t you crawl back to your family and beg them to forgive you, and pretend you still love them so you don't have to face who you really are.” She sneered.

    He wanted to disagree. But she was right. Damn her, she was right. She was even right about Sarah.

    She raised her hand, and for a moment he thought she was saying goodbye. But she was just straightening her robe, and without so much as a farewell, she left. Leaving him alone in the murk, unable to escape her lingering perfume, or his own lingering shame.
    Last edited by Cracklord; 2009-08-17 at 06:56 AM.
    Nadir We,
    Youth Born,
    Blood Letters,
    Axe Weilders,
    Victors Still.

  4. - Top - End - #664
    Halfling in the Playground
     
    badam104172's Avatar

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table

    and now... for the widely anticipated (requested by one person) chapter two of Jirix x Redcloak! with one sided goblin action! for those of you who didn't read the first one, here it is:
    Spoiler
    Show

    Jirix sighed. It had been a long day. After being ressurected by Redcloak that morning, or whatever time it was under that gods awful rift, he had spent hours trying to locate an object that was probably at the bottom of the ocean by then. He wondered how he could possibly have gotten into this mess... He supposed that it started when Redcloak had taken over. This was an uncommon occurance, a goblin taking over a hobgoblin tribe, but he had gotten used to it by then, as had most of the troops. He had started out as a common, low level cleric, but after the battle, he'd earned enough xp to attract the attention of Redcloak. Soon after becoming his pupil, he began to interact with his leader socially as well. Soon, Redcloak was all he thought about. Day and night, a fiery passion for his leader commanded control of his mind. But Redcloak didn't have time for anything but the gates by then. And so, Jirix had decided. He had to talk to Redcloak, tell him how he had grown to love a goblin that had once been only been a leader to him, and now was his sole reason to live.

    And now for chapter two:
    Spoiler
    Show

    Jirix ran through the hall of the dark tower, searching for Redcloak. There were only two places he could be. One, in the tactics room, where he would almost certainly be with the lich. Two, in his chambers, which were guarded by traps. Therefore, he needed a distraction. He soon reached the door. As he peered inside, he saw two figures. One was hunched over a map and had a tattered blood colored cloak. There he is! Jirix though to himself, his heart racing. The other figure was a bone white creature with an unmistakable aura of fear and necromantic humor.
    "Xykon, sir. The new shipment of acid beetle infested banana cream pies has arrived."
    "Already? Good. Redcloak, I'm going to the troop barracks. A hobgoblin scream a day keeps the negative energy spells away." The lich remarked as he strolled nonchalantly out the door, passing Jirix. Afterwords, Jirix was alone with Redcloak.
    "Sir, I have something to tell you."
    "If it doesn't have to do with the morale of the troops in barracks 17, I'm not interested."
    Jirix frowned. This was not how he imagined it would go. Perhaps he was taking the wrong approach.
    "I was wondering... If you would like to dine with me tonight. I have some questions... On the new incantations the other clerics have written."
    Redcloak turned. What in the name of the dark one is he playing at? he thought. But, all he had scheduled for that night was a few hours of meditation and hoping that life would get more interesting.
    "Very well then, Jirix. But I do expect to see an outstanding new report on the progress of the new clerics training."
    "Thank you sir."
    Redcloak said nothing, and merely returned to his charts. Meanwhile, Jirix walked out feeling considerably more hopeful than when he arrived.

    Feedback is greatly appreciated, and chapter three is coming soon!
    Give a man a match, keep him warm for a minute. Set a man on fire, keep him warm for the rest of his life.

  5. - Top - End - #665
    Dwarf in the Playground
     
    Civil War Man's Avatar

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table

    Hinjo x All the Demon Roaches at once - Pregnancy

    Everyone lose 1d100 Sanity.

    PS, I have no plans to write this. Humanity is not ready.

    PPS, alternatively, you can just find the script for Aliens and replace all instances of "Space Marine" with "Paladin" and "Weyland-Yutani" with "Sapphire Guard"
    Last edited by Civil War Man; 2009-08-16 at 09:21 PM.
    I am within your stronghold inflicting fatal attacks upon your conscripts.

    I Am A: Chaotic Neutral Human Wizard (4th Level)
    Strength-13
    Dexterity-12
    Constitution-14
    Intelligence-15
    Wisdom-13
    Charisma-12
    What D&D Character Am I?

  6. - Top - End - #666
    Pixie in the Playground
     
    PaladinGuy

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    Lord Kabuto X The IFCC X MitD X Jirix X Genderbent Xykon X Mr. Scruffy X The Hydra X Teevo X Xykon’s Zombie Dragon Head X MitD X Bozok X The Snarl X The Chimera X The Entire Hobgoblin Army (Adultery & Pink Frills and White Laces)

    I got that by rolling, I swear and I'm really scared, if someone wants to try it, go for it, but I will NEVER touch it.

  7. - Top - End - #667

    Default Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table

    Quote Originally Posted by Minion992929 View Post
    Eugene and Ydranna (For those philistines out there who haven't read SoD, she's basically Xykon's girlfriend/hated foe, and she has promised to rip him to pieces next time they meet, which I am anxiously looking forward too.)
    Love/hate relationship, with the individual they love and hate being Xykon.
    Well excuse me for not being able to order things for myself or convince my mom to order it for me. It's not my fault I'm 14.
    It's been a bit, GitP. If you're reading this, you're either digging through old stuff, or I've posted for the first time in forever.

    If you want to stay in touch, reach out to me on twitter (same username).

    The best answer is always to ask your DM.
    Unless you're the DM, in which case you should talk to your players.

  8. - Top - End - #668
    Pixie in the Playground
     
    BarbarianGuy

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table

    Damn, I was hoping for a bit more critique than that. I mean, I worked in Hieronymous Grubwiggler for god's sake, as the main character!


  9. - Top - End - #669
    Ogre in the Playground
     
    Cracklord's Avatar

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    I myself appreciate the little I get.

    Quote Originally Posted by The Dark Fiddler View Post
    Well excuse me for not being able to order things for myself or convince my mom to order it for me. It's not my fault I'm 14.
    Sorry about my poor taste. But that of course begs the question: Did you like my story?
    Last edited by Cracklord; 2009-08-17 at 02:35 AM.
    Nadir We,
    Youth Born,
    Blood Letters,
    Axe Weilders,
    Victors Still.

  10. - Top - End - #670
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    Zanaril's Avatar

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    Quote Originally Posted by Minion992929 View Post
    Sorry about my poor taste. But that of course begs the question: Did you like my story?
    I loved it.
    This post may contain sarcasm.
    DeviantArt

  11. - Top - End - #671
    Ogre in the Playground
     
    Cracklord's Avatar

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table

    Thank you.
    Right, Durkon and Lien again.
    Nadir We,
    Youth Born,
    Blood Letters,
    Axe Weilders,
    Victors Still.

  12. - Top - End - #672

    Default Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table

    Quote Originally Posted by Minion992929 View Post
    Sorry about my poor taste. But that of course begs the question: Did you like my story?
    Don't apologize; I forgot to make it obvious I was joking. OR half-joking.

    As for the story, I didn't read it. I don't like reading fanfics with characters I don't know.
    It's been a bit, GitP. If you're reading this, you're either digging through old stuff, or I've posted for the first time in forever.

    If you want to stay in touch, reach out to me on twitter (same username).

    The best answer is always to ask your DM.
    Unless you're the DM, in which case you should talk to your players.

  13. - Top - End - #673
    Ogre in the Playground
     
    Cracklord's Avatar

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    Zanzaril, I don't know if your still making banners, but if you are I could do with a Durkon and Lien one. Either a short joke, or Durkon carrying her bridal style.

    Quote Originally Posted by Dak Frostwrath View Post
    Damn, I was hoping for a bit more critique than that. I mean, I worked in Hieronymous Grubwiggler for god's sake, as the main character!

    You do deserve better. Very good descriptions, but I can't help but feel a tad out of character, and try and draw the events out a bit more. You set of at to great a pace.

    Quote Originally Posted by The Dark Fiddler View Post
    Don't apologize; I forgot to make it obvious I was joking. OR half-joking.

    As for the story, I didn't read it. I don't like reading fanfics with characters I don't know.
    I assumed so, but better safe then scrubbed.

    And how dare you pass judgment without reading my story. Go and read it.

    Quote Originally Posted by badam104172 View Post
    Feedback is greatly appreciated, and chapter three is coming soon!
    Badam, try and make the chapters a bit longer. Your dialogue is good, and your story seems to be, but a little description goes a long way.

    Your mostly in character, but your conversation feels a little... forced.
    Last edited by Cracklord; 2009-08-17 at 07:28 AM.
    Nadir We,
    Youth Born,
    Blood Letters,
    Axe Weilders,
    Victors Still.

  14. - Top - End - #674
    Ogre in the Playground
     
    Zanaril's Avatar

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    Quote Originally Posted by Minion992929 View Post
    Zanaril, I don't know if your still making banners, but if you are I could do with a Durkon and Lien one. Either a short joke, or Durkon carrying her bridal style.
    I'd like to, but I'm off on holiday for a week or so, and will be without internet after tomorrow.

    But I'll give it a go when I get back.


    ...Wouldn't it be better to have Lien carrying Durkon bridal style?

    Quote Originally Posted by xelliea View Post
    I know this is off topic and not really for this thread but could someone make a banner of my avatarxV.
    Same for this one, I'll do it when I get back.


    I also have a suggestion: everyone who has written something go and put it on Fanfiction.net; the OOTS section is looking a bit sparse.
    It's also somewhere to put anything that's unsutable for these boards, since the ratings on there go one step higher than PG-13.
    Last edited by Zanaril; 2009-08-17 at 10:04 AM.
    This post may contain sarcasm.
    DeviantArt

  15. - Top - End - #675
    Banned
     
    xelliea's Avatar

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    Zanaril, you should make a thread for your VxZz'dtri fanfic.

    Quote Originally Posted by Zanaril View Post
    Same for this one, I'll do it when I get back.
    Thanks.
    Last edited by xelliea; 2009-08-17 at 02:59 PM.

  16. - Top - End - #676
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    waterpenguin43's Avatar

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table

    I might get working on a Teevo x frog Xykon story.
    Edit: Correction, TeevoxFrogXykonxLeeky Windstaff.
    P.S:Awesome job, Zanaril. I expect that Kyrie will have done that as well. (but maybe not with a drow)
    Last edited by waterpenguin43; 2009-08-17 at 12:09 PM.
    Beautiful avatar by Mr_Saturn
    Quote Originally Posted by Maximum Zersk View Post
    ...I think that counts as your own Crowning Moment of Awesome, WP.
    Thank you's:
    Spoiler
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    Lovely avatar of an NPC in Camp Half-Blood of mine by Crimson Angel:
    Thanks to Green Bean for my Spheal avatar.

    Also thanks to VT for awarding me with a VT monster competition award.


    Four internets and a cookie!

  17. - Top - End - #677
    Ogre in the Playground
     
    Dark Faun's Avatar

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    More likely a dryad. Aye, them leafy wankers have broken many homes.
    Formerly known as Discord here and Maladin on avatarspirit.net.

  18. - Top - End - #678
    Halfling in the Playground
     
    badam104172's Avatar

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    excuse me... but i was wondering if some of the kind posters on this thread could give me some feedback on my story. it should be further up on this page.
    Your assistance is greatly appreciated.
    Give a man a match, keep him warm for a minute. Set a man on fire, keep him warm for the rest of his life.

  19. - Top - End - #679
    Ogre in the Playground
     
    Dark Faun's Avatar

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    My only tip is to avoid to make a huge paragraph of text, it's not agreeable to read. Skip some lines to have more paragraphs.
    Formerly known as Discord here and Maladin on avatarspirit.net.

  20. - Top - End - #680
    Dwarf in the Playground
     
    BlueWizardGirl

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table

    Well, I finally took the plunge (I'm a long-time reader, first-time poster). I started out with the original tables, and got...

    RoyxElan

    Not very crack-like, but meh, I'll give it a shot. It'll be a while before I get to it, I'm afraid. In other news, hopefully this rolled some of the low numbers out of my d20.


    Avatar of Calder by Akrim.elf

  21. - Top - End - #681
    Ogre in the Playground
     
    Cracklord's Avatar

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    Quote Originally Posted by Zanaril View Post
    I'd like to, but I'm off on holiday for a week or so, and will be without internet after tomorrow.
    But I'll give it a go when I get back.
    ...Wouldn't it be better to have Lien carrying Durkon bridal style?
    See, that's why you make the banners and I sit here gaping in awe.

    Quote Originally Posted by Tira-chan View Post
    Well, I finally took the plunge (I'm a long-time reader, first-time poster). I started out with the original tables, and got...
    RoyxElan
    Not very crack-like, but meh, I'll give it a shot. It'll be a while before I get to it, I'm afraid. In other news, hopefully this rolled some of the low numbers out of my d20.
    Welcome.
    Yeah, it's often better just to either make them up or use my tables for that reason.
    Besides, this is canon anyway. (Scene on the walls where Roy saves Elan from all those arrows).
    Nadir We,
    Youth Born,
    Blood Letters,
    Axe Weilders,
    Victors Still.

  22. - Top - End - #682
    Dwarf in the Playground
     
    BlueWizardGirl

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    Yeah, but I didn't think I could handle some of the stuff on the later tables... Better to start slow.

    Anyways, here we go. The setting is the cheap inn where they made a short stay.
    Spoiler
    Show
    It was getting late, but Roy still laid awake in bed, waiting to fall asleep. He was drifting off just as he heard a quiet voice from the bed next to his. "Roy? Can I come sleep with you?"
    He nearly fell out of bed, thankful that Belkar was snoring happily away. Elan continued blithely on, unaware of his implication. "I'm really cold, and lonely, and kind of scared of the dark. Maybe if you scooted over a bit?"
    "Sure, whatever," Roy replied, thankful for the explanation. Why was Elan so... dense... like that? And he was lonely, he hadn't been on a date for months, and - no, don't think about it like that.
    Roy squeezed over to make room for the other man. Elan was so much smaller, almost girlish, especially with those big blue eyes - no, stop doing that. Damn, this was awkward. Was he not wearing a shirt? No, he wasn't, what was he thinking, no wonder he was cold. Roy sighed aloud. This was going to be a long night.
    Elan, on the other hand, seemed as oblivious as usual. He happily snuggled into the bed, casually wrapping an arm around Roy, who was too uncomfortable to move. He tried not to think about how nice it was to have someone warm next to him, what a change it was...
    "Thanks, Roy. You're my best friend ever," Elan said happily, with a sleepy note in his voice. Luckily, he shifted as he slept, curling up into a fetal position, and after a while, Roy lifted him out of the bed, moving him back into his own. There was something so angelic about his face as he slept... But Roy turned his back on him, and slid back into his own bed, alone once more.


    Well, that was fun. Next time I'll have to try something more hardcore.


    Avatar of Calder by Akrim.elf

  23. - Top - End - #683
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    Cracklord's Avatar

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table

    Nice atmosphere. You can really feel it. It's even in character
    it's not like I'm gay or anything.
    Nadir We,
    Youth Born,
    Blood Letters,
    Axe Weilders,
    Victors Still.

  24. - Top - End - #684
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    BlueWizardGirl

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table

    offt: sorry, i didnt read all the pages, but may I ask that you guys put the banners on your signatures in the first post of this thread? they are hilarious and i constantly look foward for them in every thread i visit.
    but just as some things can be right and useless at the same time, can’t something be wrong...and priceless?


  25. - Top - End - #685
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    Zanaril's Avatar

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table

    You'll have to talk to Fiddler about that, he's the one who started the thread. I think he said he was going put them there before, but he might need reminding.
    This post may contain sarcasm.
    DeviantArt

  26. - Top - End - #686

    Default Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table

    Give me the IMG code again, just so I don't miss any.
    It's been a bit, GitP. If you're reading this, you're either digging through old stuff, or I've posted for the first time in forever.

    If you want to stay in touch, reach out to me on twitter (same username).

    The best answer is always to ask your DM.
    Unless you're the DM, in which case you should talk to your players.

  27. - Top - End - #687
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    rezplz's Avatar

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table

    So I checked it out, this looks hilarious. XD Let's see... two sixes, so that's two kinds of erfworld units. Then I got two seventeens... What, spidew x spidew action? D: This confuses me.

    Edit: Oh god... in a ... french maid costume...
    Last edited by rezplz; 2009-08-18 at 07:01 AM.

  28. - Top - End - #688
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    Zanaril's Avatar

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table

    Quote Originally Posted by The Dark Fiddler View Post
    Give me the IMG code again, just so I don't miss any.














    Look at all those cracktastic banners...
    This post may contain sarcasm.
    DeviantArt

  29. - Top - End - #689

    Default Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table

    Quote Originally Posted by Zanaril View Post














    Look at all those cracktastic banners...
    That last one is blank, right? I'm not going insaner?

    They'll be up in a minute or two.
    It's been a bit, GitP. If you're reading this, you're either digging through old stuff, or I've posted for the first time in forever.

    If you want to stay in touch, reach out to me on twitter (same username).

    The best answer is always to ask your DM.
    Unless you're the DM, in which case you should talk to your players.

  30. - Top - End - #690
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    Saeyan's Avatar

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table

    Um, hey everyone. I've been a sort-of longtime (well, not that long, but long enough) lurker around these forums, but I'm not all that into posting. Anyhow, I was thinking of posting this under the fanart threads, but since it's related to this thread, here goes.

    Zanaril's fic has been so win that I have found myself doodling V and Z at random. Here is the result of me actually having a camera on hand to capture one of them.

    Spoiler
    Show

    I hope I got the androgyny down. I was intending for Zz'dtri to look male, but it somehow got borked and he looks like an anorexic little she-drow now. Whoops.

    So thank you, Zanaril, for making me go 'aww' over two characters that I had never imagined together. Please, can we have some more?

    Of course, a big thanks (actually, I'm not sure about that - I have already used up three economy-size bottles of Brain Bleach) to everyone who's posted their stories in here as well. Thank you for bringing laughter and "wtf was that?!"s to myself and everyone else!

    Edit: And of course, Fiddler, for starting this thread in the first place!

    And that concludes my first, and probably last post, on these forums. Goodbye!

    /slinks back off to Lurkerland
    Last edited by Saeyan; 2009-08-18 at 09:18 AM. Reason: Forgot Fiddler. D'oh!

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