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  1. - Top - End - #691
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    Default Re: Crack Pairings VI - We've Finally Stooped to Shipping Ourselves

    Quote Originally Posted by Sereg View Post
    Once again, thank you for those who like my fics, though…The Odor…”classy” is an unusual complement to give a crack pairer. I mean, thanks…but I’m a bit confused.
    I acutally posted that? *goes back and reads* Sorry I was half asleep and left comments on many things.
    Evil. Iam diffrent. Have a problem with that...
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  2. - Top - End - #692
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    Default Re: Crack Pairings VI - We've Finally Stooped to Shipping Ourselves

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    The ABD walked into the school cafeteria.

    She approached Roy.

    "After lunch, soundproof music room 4"

    She continued to deliver the same message to Belkar, Elan, Nale, Durkon, Redcloak, Jirix and finally Yikyik.

    Oh yes, this was going to be good

    ---

    They were all in the sound proof music room number 4 now.

    "Okay boys, you know the deal" The ABD said.

    She laid down, spread her hind legs and...

    And suddenly the door slammed open and in stormed SHOJO off all people.

    Shojo roared "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING YOU MOTHER*******!"

    ---

    At this point the author could write no more for reasons he shall not bother to explain


    ...I cannot believe i just wrote that.
    Last edited by Closak; 2010-01-23 at 03:11 PM.

  3. - Top - End - #693
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    Default Re: Crack Pairings VI - We've Finally Stooped to Shipping Ourselves

    @Hot-Pockets: A hot pocket is not only a micro-wave pastry, it is the brunt of many jokes in America. This is partly because they are notorious as 'eat at your own risk' diahreha inducing and partly because they are notoriously incompatible with certain microwaves (uneven heating). One of my favorite jokes goes along these lines:

    -Man is thinking about ordering a Hot Pocket as a meal at a restaurant and asks the waiter, "Tell me, will this Hot-Pocket burn my mouth?"

    Waiter: "Oh sir, it will destroy your mouth, frozen exterior and molten lava hot center."

    Man, pondering: "Hm, and I do need something that will move right through me..."



    I've decided to take up certain pairings and have the following offially in the works:
    -A short
    -An ongoing series (at least a trilogy)
    -A moderate/long length single

    You'll just have to wait and see, but it won't be too long
    Awesome avatar by potatocubed

    Without improvisation, magic is inherently limited

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  4. - Top - End - #694
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    Default Re: Crack Pairings VI - We've Finally Stooped to Shipping Ourselves

    I know we cant ship ourself but can I write a paring with an RPG characther I own the rights to?
    Evil. Iam diffrent. Have a problem with that...
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  5. - Top - End - #695
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    Default Re: Crack Pairings VI - We've Finally Stooped to Shipping Ourselves

    It's no different than any other character you made up. Go for it.
    Avatar by CoffeeIncluded

    Oooh, and that's a bad miss.

    “Don't exercise your freedom of speech until you have exercised your freedom of thought.”
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  6. - Top - End - #696
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    Default Re: Crack Pairings VI - We've Finally Stooped to Shipping Ourselves

    Quote Originally Posted by Asta Kask View Post
    It's no different than any other character you made up. Go for it.
    Yay.
    Be prepared here comes ObsequesXGothicoXOots. Bonus points to the one that can tell me what Obseques means.
    Evil. Iam diffrent. Have a problem with that...
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  7. - Top - End - #697
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    Default Re: Crack Pairings VI - We've Finally Stooped to Shipping Ourselves

    Quote Originally Posted by The Odor View Post
    Yay.
    Be prepared here comes ObsequesXGothicoXOots. Bonus points to the one that can tell me what Obseques means.
    Well, I could after I googled it. But that's cheating.
    Avatar by CoffeeIncluded

    Oooh, and that's a bad miss.

    “Don't exercise your freedom of speech until you have exercised your freedom of thought.”
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  8. - Top - End - #698
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    Default Re: Crack Pairings VI - We've Finally Stooped to Shipping Ourselves

    Quote Originally Posted by Asta Kask View Post
    Well, I could after I googled it. But that's cheating.
    I dont care.
    Evil. Iam diffrent. Have a problem with that...
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  9. - Top - End - #699
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    Default Re: Crack Pairings VI - We've Finally Stooped to Shipping Ourselves

    Quote Originally Posted by The Odor View Post
    I dont care.
    Funeral. Funeral. Funeral.
    Avatar by CoffeeIncluded

    Oooh, and that's a bad miss.

    “Don't exercise your freedom of speech until you have exercised your freedom of thought.”
    ― Tim Fargo

  10. - Top - End - #700
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    Default Re: Crack Pairings VI - We've Finally Stooped to Shipping Ourselves

    Even then, you spelled it wrong, it's supposed to be obsequies, with the i in there.

  11. - Top - End - #701
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    Default Re: Crack Pairings VI - We've Finally Stooped to Shipping Ourselves

    Quote Originally Posted by Closak View Post
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    The ABD walked into the school cafeteria.

    She approached Roy.

    "After lunch, soundproof music room 4"

    She continued to deliver the same message to Belkar, Elan, Nale, Durkon, Redcloak, Jirix and finally Yikyik.

    Oh yes, this was going to be good

    ---

    They were all in the sound proof music room number 4 now.

    "Okay boys, you know the deal" The ABD said.

    She laid down, spread her hind legs and...

    And suddenly the door slammed open and in stormed SHOJO off all people.

    Shojo roared "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING YOU MOTHER*******!"

    ---

    At this point the author could write no more for reasons he shall not bother to explain


    ...I cannot believe i just wrote that.
    Now that i look back at this i realize that i may have done something horrible.

    ...Help? *Get's dragged away by the tail*

  12. - Top - End - #702
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    Default Re: Crack Pairings VI - We've Finally Stooped to Shipping Ourselves

    Don't bother holding a funeral for misspellings, they're far from deceased. Althought they might be considered undead...

    It's okay, Closak, you're just a horrible person and we'll never forgive you *sage nod*


    Also----
    This just in, the breakdown shall be as follows:

    Short - 'TnT', aka 'Therkla discovers Thog', subtitled, "Nale's next crazy plot to destroy the OotS"

    Moderate single - Your favorite necrophiliac has finally uncovered the secret to finding a Lich's heart...can it be true?

    Incoming new Series: Miko's Heart, Beyond Lawful Good. Miko has been forced to consider why she has lost her paladin status as part of her atonement. Can she open her mind enough to be re-instated by the Twelve, or will her closed mind take her innocent heart down darker paths? Oh yes, there will plenty of crack. I don't mean the drug
    Last edited by NemoUtopia; 2010-01-23 at 07:00 PM. Reason: wrong name...oops
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  13. - Top - End - #703
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    Default Re: Crack Pairings VI - We've Finally Stooped to Shipping Ourselves

    And suddenly the door slammed open and in stormed SHOJO off all people.

    Shojo roared "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING YOU MOTHER*******!"
    That part in particular brings me shame.

    If you understand the reference then you will know why.

  14. - Top - End - #704
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    Default Re: Crack Pairings VI - We've Finally Stooped to Shipping Ourselves

    Quote Originally Posted by Closak View Post
    That part in particular brings me shame.

    If you understand the reference then you will know why.
    Just say it was a parody.

  15. - Top - End - #705
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    Default Re: Crack Pairings VI - We've Finally Stooped to Shipping Ourselves

    I'm going to interpret that as a "Yes, i did understand the reference"


    Tsk tsk tsk, silly ABD, why are you bringing so many people at once?
    Last edited by Closak; 2010-01-23 at 04:07 PM.

  16. - Top - End - #706
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    Default Re: Crack Pairings VI - We've Finally Stooped to Shipping Ourselves

    Quote Originally Posted by Closak View Post
    I'm going to interpret that as a "Yes, i did understand the reference"


    Tsk tsk tsk, silly ABD, why are you bringing so many people at once?
    Yes. Yes I did.

    ABD needs a night at a brothel.

    ...ABD/Belkar?

  17. - Top - End - #707
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    Default Re: Crack Pairings VI - We've Finally Stooped to Shipping Ourselves

    The ABD would probably end up casting Enlarge Person on him first

    And yes, she does need a night at the brothel...or two...or three.


    Wonder what Belkar has to say about this.

  18. - Top - End - #708
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    Default Re: Crack Pairings VI - We've Finally Stooped to Shipping Ourselves

    He'd probable try it out with one of his daggers first, to 'open it up' a little.

    This is of course after he and his daggers have been enlarged.

  19. - Top - End - #709
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    Default Re: Crack Pairings VI - We've Finally Stooped to Shipping Ourselves

    Quote Originally Posted by Asta Kask View Post
    Funeral. Funeral. Funeral.
    Quote Originally Posted by Lubirio View Post
    Even then, you spelled it wrong, it's supposed to be obsequies, with the i in there.
    Right you are. Sadly I dont do prizes...
    I wont post tonight. Iam listening to Hammerfall with my friends and girlfriend... And singing their songs on a karoke game.
    Last edited by The Odor; 2010-01-23 at 05:30 PM.
    Evil. Iam diffrent. Have a problem with that...
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  20. - Top - End - #710
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    Default Re: Crack Pairings VI - We've Finally Stooped to Shipping Ourselves

    Here's "Nale's next crazy plot to destroy the OotS"

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    **The scene is Nale sitting up in a plush bed, covers down to his waist with another lump in the bed with a horn and black hair sticking out, suggesting Sabine resting beside him. It is dark, and Nale is reading by candlelight in agitation. He is reading Order of the Stick: Book 4 - Don't Split the Party opened to strips #592 & #593**

    Nale: “…this is ridiculous…this is an outrage! This is perfect! EUREKA!”

    Sabine: “…honey, I thought our mad-scientist ‘encounter’ was next week.”

    Nale: “Of course it is, my dear Sabine, but I have uncovered precisely what I need to at last defeat my hated doofus of a brother and his preposterous Order of the Stick in one blow! I can’t imagine why I didn’t think of this earlier, it’s only 30gp and limited wish got me the whole bundle…”

    Sabine **pushing head up to look at Nale seductively**: “Well, tell me then, you’ve already spent too much time poring over source material tonight.”

    Nale: “I have found that I and my brilliant Linear Guild do not have nearly enough screen time, I really must talk to Rick about that…but that’s not the point of this venture! I have discovered an NPC my idiot brother now implicitly trusts, and know exactly the carrot to dangle…”

    Sabine, purring: “Really? You’re willing to spend another 25,000gp on a long shot like that? Although I can think of a better long shot that won’t be dangling much longer if I keep stroking your ego…”

    Nale, shivering and setting the book aside: “That’s not my ego…”

    Sabine interrupts with a wicked laugh: “Oh, you want me to stop then?”

    Nale, wrapping an arm around Sabine: “Of course not, I can explain my Thog-proof plan and make Dexterity checks at the same time without penalty…”

    ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    **The scene is Thog handing a piece of paper and a small jar to a priest of Loki, with a thought bubble over his head with Sabine saying, “Blah-blah-blah Thog good boy blah-blah don’t mess up blah-blah…”**

    Thog: “Nale say call in favor, Thog hand you scribble paper and jar!”

    Nervous Priest: “Please, please, you don’t have to make an Intimidate check, I’ll do whatever Nale wants if it will clear up our, ah, ‘misunderstanding’…”

    Thog shrugs: “Pretty lady say all well if no fail, but what Thog do now?”

    Nervous Priest, rapidly reading the note: “Well, my Decipher Script will let me speed this up a round or two…aha! Oh, perfect, I can do this in just a few minutes! Oh, uh…” **reading slowly from note aloud** “…Thog…there…is…ice…cream…at…the…altar…”

    Thog, ecstatic: “ICE CREAM FOR THOG!”

    **Thog barrels over the priest into the temple, cut to priest battered and limping in with Thog jumping in place and clapping his hands**

    Priest: “You didn’t have to make a bull-rush attempt! Ugh, I failed my Intelligence check on that one. Ok…” **very deliberately** “Thog can have ice cream now, or…”

    **Thog picks up priest by robes, jumping up and down** “ICE CREAM NOW!”

    Priest, choking: “…or…or…oh, gods, Constitution check…a bathtub *wheeze* of Ice Cream *gasp* if he does what note says…”

    **The relieved priest is dropped and Thog looks crestfallen**

    Thog, downcast: “Thog want more ice cream, but Thog no read. What note say?!”

    Priest, scampering: “Look, just…I’m going to cast a big long spell and then a pretty orc lady will appear on the altar. Nale says if you show her a good time after I talk to her, you can get the ice cream and lots of hugs…”

    Thog: “Aw, ritual boring. Ice cream and hugs worth it, Thog suppose…”

    Priest, under breath: “Thank Loki his Sense Motive makes a wizard’s constitution look godly…”

    **The Priest sighs in relief and gives Thog a picture book of kitties to occupy him. Priest starts casting ritual over diamonds. Paste a large censor bar with ‘1 minute later…’ Therkla is restored under a white sheet, only head is currently visible and Thog is still absorbed happily with kittens. The priest whispers into Therkla’s ear as her eyes open, and after a long silent pause she nods, ‘if it means Elan…’**

    Priest, coughing for Thog’s attention: “Thog, the ritual’s over! Why don’t you come meet our new guest, I’m sure she could use a hug…”

    Thog leaps up: “HUGS FOR THOG! HUGS FOR NEW PRETTY LADY!”

    **Before Therkla can react (gasping and blushing in surprise) Thog takes her up in a bear hug, the white sheet wrapping around her and preserving PG-13 standards. She wheezes and pats Thog on the back, all too aware of the very strong, very muscular half-orc hugging her affectionately**

    Therkla: “Th-…Thog? You think I’m pretty?”

    **Thog releases enough to let Therkla breathe somewhat and looks her in the eye**

    Thog: “Thog think new pretty lady very pretty. Want good time?”

    **Therkla hears the blithe ignorance of innuendo in Thog’s voice but blushes hotly anyway**

    Therkla, sliding her hands along Thog’s arms and shivering: “Oo-oo, beefcake. Uh, what did you have in mind, Thog?”

    **Thog drops Therkla onto the altar, which a zoom-out now reveals to be an extremely sturdy bed [[extremely sturdy, we’re talking adamantine twice-reinforced bridge-like structure]], to get the kitty book**

    Thog, holding book up shyly and petting Therkla’s hair: “New pretty lady read to Thog? Pretty have nice-nice hair. Thog do what pretty lady say if she read nice book to Thog!”

    **Therkla blushes, and takes the book, letting the covers drape just this side of PG-13 as she leans into the now seated Thog meaningfully. Scene cuts to Nale (fully clothed) over a scrying orb with Sabine (also fully clothed, if rather skimpily) leaning over his shoulder.**

    Nale, triumphantly: “Hah! I knew we could use the big lug for something. Remove all chances to fail an Intelligence check, give plenty of Strength and Constitution opportunities, and he’s unstoppable.”

    **Broken sound bubble from the orb: “…oh, such strong hands…”**

    Sabine, clucking: “Phah, I still say he’ll find a way to screw it up. You’re sure this one will infiltrate the Order of the Stick for you?”

    **Broken sound bubble from the orb: “…mmm, right there Thog…”**

    Nale, smugly: “I’ll pretend you didn’t say that, using my high Bluff to even fool myself. She’s a ninja with a poetic heart, all I had to do was Forgery through the night and she’s easier to manipulate than my idiot brother.”

    **Broken sound bubble from the orb: “…YES! MAKE THAT STRENGTH CHECK LIKE YOU MEAN IT!…”**

    Sabine, smirking: “Hm, well it seems you’re right for now…”

    Fin.


    *bow* Thoughts?
    Last edited by NemoUtopia; 2010-01-23 at 08:54 PM.
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  21. - Top - End - #711
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    Default Re: Crack Pairings VI - We've Finally Stooped to Shipping Ourselves

    Well, I can thing of about 20 things that can go wrong without even trying, but I liked it!

    Thog was in character except that he still thinks girls have cooties, but that can be easily fixed on this thread.

  22. - Top - End - #712
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    Default Re: Crack Pairings VI - We've Finally Stooped to Shipping Ourselves

    Quote Originally Posted by CoffeeIncluded View Post
    Well, I can thing of about 20 things that can go wrong without even trying, but I liked it!

    Thog was in character except that he still thinks girls have cooties, but that can be easily fixed on this thread.
    This is true, and I tried to work around it through the constant promises of ice cream stringing into reading time stringing into off-camera 'wow, new pretty lady not have cooties, Thog feel too good...'
    Awesome avatar by potatocubed

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  23. - Top - End - #713
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    Default Re: Crack Pairings VI - We've Finally Stooped to Shipping Ourselves

    How did it go from reading a kitten book to making Strength checks like you mean it so fast?! XD


    *ponder ponder ponder*

    Still can't decide what to write. Btw... Anybody got any more suggestions for a Hot Pocket pairing? I don't know why I want to try another one, but I'm that bored and also feeling quite insane at the moment...
    Anemoia: Nostalgia for a time you've never known.

  24. - Top - End - #714
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    Default Re: Crack Pairings VI - We've Finally Stooped to Shipping Ourselves

    Quote Originally Posted by Lycan 01 View Post
    Still can't decide what to write. Btw... Anybody got any more suggestions for a Hot Pocket pairing? I don't know why I want to try another one, but I'm that bored and also feeling quite insane at the moment...
    Some combination of this and this?

  25. - Top - End - #715
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    Default Re: Crack Pairings VI - We've Finally Stooped to Shipping Ourselves

    Kind of makes you wonder what would happen if they got a child; orc (25%), half-orc (50%), or human (25%)...

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings VI - We've Finally Stooped to Shipping Ourselves

    Quote Originally Posted by Lubirio View Post
    Kind of makes you wonder what would happen if they got a child; orc (25%), half-orc (50%), or human (25%)...
    No, no Punnett Squares for the Crack Pairings!
    It's been a bit, GitP. If you're reading this, you're either digging through old stuff, or I've posted for the first time in forever.

    If you want to stay in touch, reach out to me on twitter (same username).

    The best answer is always to ask your DM.
    Unless you're the DM, in which case you should talk to your players.

  27. - Top - End - #717
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    Default Re: Crack Pairings VI - We've Finally Stooped to Shipping Ourselves

    Aawww...

    But seriously, if we'd apply biology, they'd technically be sterile. Though if they're not, I can imagine all their offspring to be half-orcs.

  28. - Top - End - #718
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    Default Re: Crack Pairings VI - We've Finally Stooped to Shipping Ourselves

    Quote Originally Posted by Lubirio View Post
    Aawww...

    But seriously, if we'd apply biology, they'd technically be sterile. Though if they're not, I can imagine all their offspring to be half-orcs.
    My poor Alex. (Also Ngoc, but her case is even more bizarre I suppose.)

    But we're speaking about D&D, and mixed breeds have always been fertile :P
    Beware the many wrong things in this spoiler!
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    The Order of the Stick Jr.
    Meet : Alexander, Joan, Ross, Leilandius, Hitomi, Ngoc and Arduvanius


    As interpreted (and drawn) by yours truly, Yiuel

    Yiuel LeMelvillois
    Only on blank paper do we write the best stories...

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings VI - We've Finally Stooped to Shipping Ourselves

    In an effort to both kill this writer's block of mine with extreme prejudice and to assist in making sure this thread doesn't die, Here is my third and by far worst fic here!

    Seriously, it's really bad. You'd be better off not reading it.

    Gender-switched Julio Scoundrél x Julia Greenhilt



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    Julio (or was it Julie, now? This was going to take some getting used to,) stormed through the streets, quite thoroughly pissed. He (she?) wasn't even sure what happened. H/She remebered a bar, remembered making propositions to an elf, but that was all. Now, the former "Sexiest man alive" was now just a reasonably attractive woman.

    Well... no. Reasonably attractive was a bit of an understatement. Julio's Charisma stat had remained unchanged during this strange predicament. However, that was now an annoyance, as several males had walked up to her and made sexual propositions, which she understandably wasn't interested in. That would explain why she was in this alleyway, pacing back and forth. Eventually, she decided that all this sulking about was pointless. She was still Julio Scoundrél, and she could still be a world renowned ladies man, even if it would be slightly more awkward.

    After the first few bars, though, it became apparent that that idea would not work. Strangely enough, it was more diffcult to pick up women when you yourself were a woman. She had, however, gotten several free drinks from hopeful guys. Julio soon had the brainwave that she would have to find a way to change back into the man everyone knew and worshipped. She pondered, and eventually decided on finding a wizard or cleric who could reverse this condition.

    It took her a while to find anyone who didn't just want to get into Julio's pants and could actually back up their claims of magical ability, but eventually, she found someone by the name of Julia. Julio expected a wizened woman who obviously held massive amounts of arcane power. This was not, by any means, what she expected. Instead, this Julia looked like she had too high of a Charisma to just be a wizard, and not nearly enough Wisdom to avoid dressing like that. Still, this was the best Julio could get, and she didn't really care, as long as Julia could remove this curse.

    "You know I have a price, right?"

    "Of course," Julio thought. How typical of a wizard, especially a teenage one, to demand a lump sum for their magic. It didn't really matter now, though.

    "Sure. How much gold do you want?"*

    "Oh, I think you misunderstand me. I'm not after your gold. I want something a little different." As she was saying this, Julia began creeping towards Julio, grabbed her hand, and led her to the nearest inn. As the night's events continue to unfold, the one thought that dominated Scoundrél's mind was "Heh... Still got it."

    * *** *****

  30. - Top - End - #720
    Dwarf in the Playground
     
    The Odor's Avatar

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings VI - We've Finally Stooped to Shipping Ourselves

    Quote Originally Posted by Dark Apprentice View Post
    In an effort to both kill this writer's block of mine with extreme prejudice and to assist in making sure this thread doesn't die, Here is my third and by far worst fic here!

    Seriously, it's really bad. You'd be better off not reading it.

    Gender-switched Julio Scoundrél x Julia Greenhilt



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    "Heh... Still got it."

    He sure do...
    Last edited by The Odor; 2010-01-24 at 05:27 AM.
    Evil. Iam diffrent. Have a problem with that...
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    Thanks To Dashwood for Spider avatar.
    Thanks To Mr Saturn for Goth Man avatar.

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