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Thread: Iron Poet XVI
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2012-08-07, 05:10 PM (ISO 8601)
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- Aug 2010
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Re: Iron Poet XVI
To the judges:
SpoilerFirst of all, thank you all for the time and the useful critique. Each judge had a slightly different take, which is absolutely excellent for feedback.
Kalrany, I'm so glad that you picked up on that tonal shift. That's pretty much what I was going for with this piece, but I was beginning to worry that I had completely missed the mark on displaying the tone in the first part, but now I know that it has to have come through at least somewhat.
Alarra, I think part of it is a stylistic thing. I don't necessarily write to be understood; my goal is more to communicate through texture and tone. I do not believe that poetry has to be logical, or even that it always should be. That being said, there is an underlying logic to the poem I wrote, and I obviously needed to communicate it better. I agree that the first part could have used some serious reworking, and the middle part could have used a bit as well.
Dimonite, pretty much the same as what I said to Alarra. My goal in poetry is not really to be logical, but there were some things I could have done to communicate the feelings and tone better.
Halberd, I'm glad you liked it. And it's not cows exploding, but crows, which I think makes a little more sense, but I agree with you about the mailmen and the eels. That whole nautical bit needed to be reworked or replaced.Awesome Lion Avatar by the wonderful Mr. Saturn. Thanks
I have a bloog now. Go check it out if you love strange poetry.
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2012-08-11, 10:31 AM (ISO 8601)
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- Jul 2006
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- BalWash, DelMarVa
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Re: Iron Poet XVI
Want to meet some of the most awesome people on the internet? Come to the Baltimore/DC Area RenFest Meetup 2012!
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2012-08-12, 02:06 AM (ISO 8601)
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- Apr 2006
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- Arizona, USA
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Re: Iron Poet XVI
rules clarification request
Spoilerthe poem is supposed to stand alone. Would either putting a note on it, or making the title, a description of where it was found and an author attribution, be breaking that rule?Writer, editor. See my works at http://theleakingpen.net
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2012-08-12, 12:38 PM (ISO 8601)
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- Jul 2006
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- BalWash, DelMarVa
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Re: Iron Poet XVI
I'm not entirely clear on what you mean by "where it was found" and "author attribution". Those sound very much like things people would say about poems they didn't write.
Want to meet some of the most awesome people on the internet? Come to the Baltimore/DC Area RenFest Meetup 2012!
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2012-08-12, 04:41 PM (ISO 8601)
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- Apr 2006
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- Arizona, USA
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Re: Iron Poet XVI
Writer, editor. See my works at http://theleakingpen.net
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2012-08-12, 05:20 PM (ISO 8601)
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- Jul 2006
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- BalWash, DelMarVa
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Re: Iron Poet XVI
Ah, I see. There's no rule about putting an explanatory note with your poem. A word of caution, however; very often the judges have a dim view of this. It won't disqualify a poem but, if it comes down to a very close decision, a judge may well go with the one that didn't need the explanation.
Want to meet some of the most awesome people on the internet? Come to the Baltimore/DC Area RenFest Meetup 2012!
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2012-08-12, 07:02 PM (ISO 8601)
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- Aug 2010
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- Yes.
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Re: Iron Poet XVI
@leakingpen
SpoilerThough if you clarify that the note is a part of the poem somehow, or put it in the title, I can't see the judges penalizing you for that. They certainly wouldn't be justified in doing so.Awesome Lion Avatar by the wonderful Mr. Saturn. Thanks
I have a bloog now. Go check it out if you love strange poetry.
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2012-08-13, 12:31 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Jun 2009
- Location
- The land of corn
- Gender
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2012-08-13, 03:43 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Feb 2010
Re: Iron Poet XVI
prompt 4 entry:
Title: Son, sun and sin.
Spoiler
How I adore the vivid sparkle in his newborn eye,
watching the wonders of the world passing by.
Must be some great fortune that I've won
for he trully is my firstborn son.
Now 2 years have passed and he's quite a boy.
Such a small person that brings so much joy.
And while I question what I've begun,
my love for him has reached the sun.
It hurts to see him with the man
that he calls daddy while I am.
We agreed to shun the lies we're in.
He is my son, my sun and biggest sin.
PS: this is not autobiographicalMy personal folder is a graveyard of ideas, stuck in their dream phase.The "DM won't kill us" attitude is a bubble that sometimes needs to be bursted.Avatar courtesy of Linklele
There's an armor variant rule in UA that will drastically increase character survivability without completely bubble-wrapping them in plot invulnerabilityThrophies won:Spoiler
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2012-08-13, 10:06 AM (ISO 8601)
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- Apr 2006
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- Arizona, USA
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Re: Iron Poet XVI
meaning you're not sure what's going on in the photo? someone has duct taped a stop watch to the instrument cluster, and theres a button on the left handlebar that hooks up to the stop watch and turns it on and off. They use it to time something, probably how long to pass between two different objects, so it measures, say, how fast on the quarter or half mile.
Writer, editor. See my works at http://theleakingpen.net
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2012-08-13, 12:03 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Jun 2009
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- The land of corn
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Re: Iron Poet XVI
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2012-08-13, 01:41 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Jul 2006
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- BalWash, DelMarVa
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Re: Iron Poet XVI
Want to meet some of the most awesome people on the internet? Come to the Baltimore/DC Area RenFest Meetup 2012!
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2012-08-13, 04:21 PM (ISO 8601)
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- Jun 2009
- Location
- The land of corn
- Gender
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2012-08-13, 06:09 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Apr 2006
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- Arizona, USA
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Re: Iron Poet XVI
yeah, mine just barely comes from the picture. and a liberal interpretation.
Writer, editor. See my works at http://theleakingpen.net
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2012-08-17, 11:44 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Jun 2009
- Location
- The land of corn
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Re: Iron Poet XVI
Prompt
Riddle
Spoiler
I sit still until between legs I am started,
My red resting body ready to go;
I am longer than the last and light for my size,
So gentle my internal gyrations,
My power comes in the sum of my parts.
I am unused and at the height of my youth.
I urge you to take me, and your time--
How long can you handle me, can you
Let the ride last? Rev me up slowly,
And I can do the work.
So long as you pump me the possibilities are endless,Where do I take you?
Just see it in your eye, listen with open ear,
And my purring will be your pleasure:
We will crest the hills, hold slow in the valleys,
And when you’re ready, we will ride off
Into ecstasy, the explosive radiance of a sunset.
Now that you’ve taken me for a spin, tell me my name.
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2012-08-18, 12:51 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Jan 2007
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- The Steamboat
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Re: Iron Poet XVI
I really suck at picture prompts....
Prompt: Prompt 1
Title: Half the World
SpoilerI’ll put half the world under my leaves,
And let the other half roam free.
I would shade them if I could,
But I’d rather just not turn or see.
Rocking gently in the cool breeze
Half the world I’ll shield from harm.
Sweating harshly in the scorching sun,
Half the world will feel the warmth.
For those who cared, who watered me,
I’ll share a place within the stars.
And those who tore my leaves and branches,
Go find your place away from ours.
Would I make room for you someday?
I may, had I some space to spare,
But if you want my love and care,
You should have loved me when I was bare.
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2012-08-18, 11:24 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Aug 2010
- Location
- Yes.
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Re: Iron Poet XVI
Prompt
Title: Splashdown (Christmas is a Pretty Holiday)
SpoilerA shiny black shell; beetle-like.
Silver scar and contours of a stylish motorbike or something
It swarms with a labyrinth of dials and switches
Tattoos cover its exo-skin:
"Twelve times the optimal zoom"
(but still no speeding ticket)
"The power of a mega-canon"
(Yet it shoots mostly roses,
and never leaves a single scratch on their delicate attire)
Like a fish in the abyss, it gazes blindly
Eyestalk creeps through sliding door
and stares unblinkingly
A gaping magnet;
look here, smile, and be mesmerized.
(be memorized)
Hidden is a powerful bioluminescence;
a glaring dissonance,
a piercing moment of bright,
It blinds, it stuns, it confounds,
but it illuminates.
And in this way, it is both captor and cage
collecting specimen after specimen,
each stored in a vast back room, ready
to be called to the one and only display window when needed;
to take the stage.
A minuscule green bug stares curiously out
trying to glimpse the world,
A massive and gnarled tree maintains its dignity
A historic engine stands at the ready
~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~
This is the camera I used
to catch the sun just one more time,
as it crashed into the ocean
and lit up the world like a Christmas light.Last edited by Zjoot; 2012-08-18 at 10:35 PM.
Awesome Lion Avatar by the wonderful Mr. Saturn. Thanks
I have a bloog now. Go check it out if you love strange poetry.
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2012-08-18, 07:18 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Oct 2006
Re: Iron Poet XVI
Prompt
Captured
SpoilerI’ve trapped you right here,
Standing there forever,
Staring over the waves,
Frozen on this little piece of film.
Never will you age,
Never will this sun set,
Never will you turn your head,
So long as I have this little piece of film,
The years pass, as do I,
The old giving way to the new,
As suns fall into the ocean,
But this moment will not fade
Before this little piece of film.
At the heart of all beauty lies something inhuman, and these hills, the softness of the sky, the outline of the trees at this very minute lose the illusory meaning with which we clothed them, henceforth more remote than a lost paradise.
-Camus, An Absurd Reasoning
Fourth Doctor avatar courtesy of Szilard
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2012-08-18, 10:21 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Apr 2012
Re: Iron Poet XVI
Prompt 1
SpoilerHere: Heartbreak and Hyacinths
Sitting off to one side
My wayward china soul
Too fragile to touch
Too precious to forget
You were buried here
Beneath our maple tree
Like you always wanted
We would dance together
In the eye of the storm
While we learned to forget
Our troubles and our woes
As we sought in secret
That special place
That we could call our own
Now I sit here alone
As I watch over your grave
Reminiscing our times
Both the good and the bad
The arguments we had
The laughter we would share
To keep each other sane
Here I must leave you
With hyacinths and daisies
Our favorite flowers
The secret story
That I never did tell
Though you never believed
The promises I made
You’ll always be here
‘Neath our maple tree
I’ll bring you flowers
And tell a story or two
Before I break and weep
Because you are truly gone
Forever from my worldAvatar courtesy of Ceika.
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2012-08-19, 11:27 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Jun 2009
- Location
- The land of corn
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Re: Iron Poet XVI
Grimmace:
Spoiler
If you did what I think you did, and I think you did do what I think you did, I applaud your poem. Really weird and good.
You went for all four prompts, didn't you?
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2012-08-20, 09:15 AM (ISO 8601)
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- Apr 2006
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- Arizona, USA
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Re: Iron Poet XVI
i... completely forgot. I suck. So sorry.
Writer, editor. See my works at http://theleakingpen.net
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2012-08-20, 04:06 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Jun 2009
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- The land of corn
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2012-08-20, 04:08 PM (ISO 8601)
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- Jan 2007
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- The Steamboat
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2012-08-20, 05:30 PM (ISO 8601)
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- Aug 2010
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- Yes.
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Re: Iron Poet XVI
That's awesome, congrats!
And in reply to your other comment;
SpoilerI did that completely inadvertently actually. The images were actually based on some photos on my camera's SD card. Sort of uncanny that the three I happened to choose coincide with the other prompts though. We'll say it was an unconscious decision, because Freud and Surrealism and stuff. Yeah!Awesome Lion Avatar by the wonderful Mr. Saturn. Thanks
I have a bloog now. Go check it out if you love strange poetry.
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2012-08-20, 06:04 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Sep 2011
- Location
- With the Dragonpuppies
- Gender
Re: Iron Poet XVI
It happens to the best of us; it's okay. But it is strange that the same two people who won by default last round are winning by default this round. Anyway, I'll get my judgments up sometime soon, but I can't be as quick this time due to moving the fact that I'm moving tomorrow.
edit: Congrats Ridley!Last edited by Dimonite; 2012-08-20 at 06:05 PM.
Quotes!
The Neutralizer - my 3.5 class that attempts to make wizards less OP.Spoiler
Fantastic dragonpuppy drawn by my sister in the ancient times.
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2012-08-20, 06:20 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Oct 2006
Re: Iron Poet XVI
At the heart of all beauty lies something inhuman, and these hills, the softness of the sky, the outline of the trees at this very minute lose the illusory meaning with which we clothed them, henceforth more remote than a lost paradise.
-Camus, An Absurd Reasoning
Fourth Doctor avatar courtesy of Szilard
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2012-08-20, 10:07 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Mar 2012
- Location
- Earth
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Re: Iron Poet XVI
Are we allowed to start posting our judgments, or are we waiting on any late entries? I have mine typed up but don't want to post yet JIC...
78% of all DM's start their first campaign in a tavern. If you're among the 22% who didn't, copy and paste this into your signature and tell us where you DID begin.The players were attacked individually on the road on the way to town by werewolves. To survive, they had to team up then and there without knowing anything about eachother (literally -- all character sheets were completed without other players' knowledge).
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2012-08-20, 10:08 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Oct 2006
Re: Iron Poet XVI
No late entries, once the half day extension is passed it should be safe to post the judgements.
At the heart of all beauty lies something inhuman, and these hills, the softness of the sky, the outline of the trees at this very minute lose the illusory meaning with which we clothed them, henceforth more remote than a lost paradise.
-Camus, An Absurd Reasoning
Fourth Doctor avatar courtesy of Szilard
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2012-08-21, 02:06 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Feb 2010
Re: Iron Poet XVI
A second win by default... don't know if I should be , or
My personal folder is a graveyard of ideas, stuck in their dream phase.The "DM won't kill us" attitude is a bubble that sometimes needs to be bursted.Avatar courtesy of Linklele
There's an armor variant rule in UA that will drastically increase character survivability without completely bubble-wrapping them in plot invulnerabilityThrophies won:Spoiler
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2012-08-21, 01:18 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Apr 2006
- Location
- Arizona, USA
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Re: Iron Poet XVI
Saintridley, that is awesome! May I ask where?
Writer, editor. See my works at http://theleakingpen.net