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  1. - Top - End - #1051
    Ogre in the Playground
     
    Zanaril's Avatar

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings II - Brain Bleach not Supplied

    Quote Originally Posted by Discord View Post
    It's not Tsukiko, it's Miko.

    And I believe editing the Giant's pictures, however tempting it is, is explicitly forbidden here. Sorry.
    Well so it is. She looks like a sorceress or something.
    This post may contain sarcasm.
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  2. - Top - End - #1052
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    Dark Faun's Avatar

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings II - Brain Bleach not Supplied

    I guess dressing up as a tramp is a sorceress thing.

    Anyway, I realized that Miko x Vaarsuvius wasn't plausible after the Weary Travelers inn section. She and V are most certainly not on speaking terms after he saved Belkar and she attacked the Order, and I can't really see V visit her in jail to kiss her. And before they entered the inn is not exactly a good time for romance either since there's no instance of those two being alone.
    Formerly known as Discord here and Maladin on avatarspirit.net.

  3. - Top - End - #1053
    Colossus in the Playground
     
    CoffeeIncluded's Avatar

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings II - Brain Bleach not Supplied

    Quote Originally Posted by DukeGod View Post
    anyone else here is feeling like a fangirl?
    weird thing to feel ._.
    Well, I *am* a fan of this webcomic, and I *am* a girl, so...NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!

    Water_Smurf, love the V/Blackwing interaction.

    PompeyxJulia after dinner.

  4. - Top - End - #1054

    Default Re: Crack Pairings II - Brain Bleach not Supplied

    Quote Originally Posted by DukeGod View Post
    anyone else here is feeling like a fangirl?
    weird thing to feel ._.
    Yep.

    And that pretty damn odd, since I'm a guy.
    It's been a bit, GitP. If you're reading this, you're either digging through old stuff, or I've posted for the first time in forever.

    If you want to stay in touch, reach out to me on twitter (same username).

    The best answer is always to ask your DM.
    Unless you're the DM, in which case you should talk to your players.

  5. - Top - End - #1055
    Colossus in the Playground
     
    CoffeeIncluded's Avatar

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings II - Brain Bleach not Supplied

    Julia GreenhiltxPompey!

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    Pompey, Sabine, and Julia had been holed up in that stinky warehouse for a whole week now, and Pompey had long ago tired of playing Go Fish with Sabine (He had wanted to do...other things with her, but Nale didn't seem like one to cross, especially with this great opportunity.) As it was, Sabine was out on reconissance (Again), and Pompey was bored (Again).

    Then he remembered that Julia was there. Smoking hot human chick. Maybe he'd have some fun tormenting her. He sauntered over to Julia (Bound and gagged in a chair), with the most seductive look he could think of. "Hey, Julia baby," he muttered in what he believed to be an unbelievably sexy (But really just disturbing on multiple levels) voice.

    Julia responded with a two-minute torrent of vulgarity. Or she would have, if that gag didn't automatically translate everything she said into Mufflese.

    "Hey, Julia. I wrote a little something for you. Everything I like about you!"

    Julia responded with a dirty look and two obscene hand gestures. Pompey shoved the letter in her face anyway. Julia just stared blankly at the sheet; the note was written in Elven and she didn't understand the language.

    Pompey chuckled. "Heh, don't get it do you? Comprehend Languages!"

    Julia's eyes bugged out when she red the message. Pompey nearly doubled over in laughter.

    See, the thing about Elven is that the language is very...Exact when it comes to describing obscene acts. While one needs to use multiple words or even sentences to accurately describe different sexual acts in Common, in Elven the same idea can be accurately expressed in a single word or phrase. Elven also distinguishes who is on what end of the act. Overall, there are over 70 different words or terms explicitly describing different sexual acts in Elven. And Pompey had used almost all of them in that letter to Julia.

    Julia screamed something and tried to lunge at Pompey, but she was bound fast. At this moment Sabine flew in. "Pompey, what did I tell you about tormenting the hostage, and are you trying to use Explosive Runes on her; give me th--!" Snatching the now-translated note out of Pompey's hand, Sabine quickly scanned the letter. As Sabine reached the end of the letter her face turned a curious shade of maroon and she fell silent in shock.

    Not because of the acts which Pompey had described, but that she had never even heard of some of the terms before.


    ...Sorry it sucked so much.
    Last edited by CoffeeIncluded; 2009-10-09 at 10:08 PM.

  6. - Top - End - #1056
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
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    Default Re: Crack Pairings II - Brain Bleach not Supplied

    Heh. I liked the last line a lot.
    A handful of true friends, an infinite supply of sodas, a collection of bad movies, and a full supply of webcomics are all one really needs to be happy.

    Awesome avatar by Keris Rain!

  7. - Top - End - #1057
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    Default Re: Crack Pairings II - Brain Bleach not Supplied

    if that really happened I guess that Sabine wouldn't mind fly with Pompey to Azure City,of course making some stops in the way...

  8. - Top - End - #1058
    Colossus in the Playground
     
    CoffeeIncluded's Avatar

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings II - Brain Bleach not Supplied

    You actually liked that last one? I personally thought it was a little week...

    *Rolls the RNG* Now I've got:
    XykonxRoy's Sword (From before; I'll type it tomorrow)...

    VaarsuviusxCrystal (High Heels and Black Leather)

    Zz'DrtixNale (Snowed in)

    BelkarxHinjo ...

    XykonxJirix (Pink frills and white lace) ...

    ..........Okay, I'm done here.

  9. - Top - End - #1059
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    Default Re: Crack Pairings II - Brain Bleach not Supplied

    Quote Originally Posted by Discord View Post
    I guess dressing up as a tramp is a sorceress thing.

    Anyway, I realized that Miko x Vaarsuvius wasn't plausible after the Weary Travelers inn section. She and V are most certainly not on speaking terms after he saved Belkar and she attacked the Order, and I can't really see V visit her in jail to kiss her. And before they entered the inn is not exactly a good time for romance either since there's no instance of those two being alone.
    ...What is this canon you speak of?
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  10. - Top - End - #1060
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    HalflingRangerGuy

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings II - Brain Bleach not Supplied

    Spoiler
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    "Well...Now what." Said Xyhon
    "How am I suppo-? OH NO!" Said Redcloak
    "What?!"
    "Um.."
    "Uh-Oh."
    "Well, you see since this is a Crack Pairing..."
    "NO WAY!"
    "Well, it's ether willingly...or un-willingly(Eventually)."
    "WHY ME!"
    :Well this sti- HOLY CRAP!!!
    High Priest of

  11. - Top - End - #1061
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    Dark Faun's Avatar

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings II - Brain Bleach not Supplied

    Quote Originally Posted by Kaytara View Post
    ...What is this canon you speak of?
    You said it yourself: the best crack is the plausible crack.

    Good job CoffeeIncluded! Pompey x Sabine suddenly looks very interesting...
    Formerly known as Discord here and Maladin on avatarspirit.net.

  12. - Top - End - #1062
    Ogre in the Playground
     
    Kaytara's Avatar

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings II - Brain Bleach not Supplied

    Quote Originally Posted by Discord View Post
    You said it yourself: the best crack is the plausible crack.
    Certainly, but there are different kinds of "plausible". What I meant by plausible is mostly that it's in-character and believable due to the circumstances. So, for example, no opportunity for romance because in the canon they wouldn't have been left alone? Not a hurdle. Changing or tweaking the circumstances to give them some time alone, even against canon, is perfectly fine, and certainly nothing as major as Water-Smurf's AU "What if V hadn't escaped?" fic, and I'm sure we can agree that one is scarily plausible.

    Not being on speaking terms shouldn't be a hurdle either. On the contrary, Miko's shock at Vaarsuvius defending Belkar would be very potent soil for interaction and development.

    In short, go get 'em, tiger. :)
    *Above post: Additional terms and restrictions may apply.
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  13. - Top - End - #1063
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    Default Re: Crack Pairings II - Brain Bleach not Supplied

    While I don't usually perfer shippers, I found the roller quite hilarious. This was my first roll/plot:
    Haley's Dad + The entire Hobgoblin army

    Aliens Made Them Do It (not necessarily literal aliens)
    Here's something you may not have considered: being torn asunder HURTS.
    Ponified Diablo 3 Monk granted to me by Akrim.Elf, a thousand blessings be to her!

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    Diablo 3 Monk avatar blessed upon me by CrimsonAngel, and his awesome art skillz.


    Homebrew Classes, 3.5
    Zealot
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  14. - Top - End - #1064
    Colossus in the Playground
     
    CoffeeIncluded's Avatar

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings II - Brain Bleach not Supplied

    Quote Originally Posted by Discord View Post
    Good job CoffeeIncluded! Pompey x Sabine suddenly looks very interesting...
    Yay! Hmm, you've just given me an idea! Sequel time! (Later today)

  15. - Top - End - #1065
    Halfling in the Playground
     
    BardGuy

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings II - Brain Bleach not Supplied

    Julio Scoundrel, Guy with a Halberd with inverted Gender, and the entire IFCC.

    Oh lawd.

  16. - Top - End - #1066
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    Default Re: Crack Pairings II - Brain Bleach not Supplied

    Huh, the above inspired me to do "What If...?" pic. Opinions?

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    Come one, come all! GitP MLP Steam Group is open!
    Current location of the last MLP Thread OP, too.
    Want to ask me something? Use MAIL or message me on Steam!

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    >Click!<
    Amazing Art by Dirtytabs :P
    HW Ava © ETsofu

    "Well, the Great and Powerful Trixie can't actually transport you to Equestria... But!
    The Great and Powerful Trixie can beat you over the head until you think that's what happened!"

  17. - Top - End - #1067
    Colossus in the Playground
     
    CoffeeIncluded's Avatar

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings II - Brain Bleach not Supplied

    PompeyxSabine!

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    Sabine had finally recovered enough to speak. "....You're joking."

    "Joking about what?" Pompey shifted slightly against the wall. Julia was inside; she would have been screaming her brains out if not for the Silence spell he had just cast.

    "I...I've never even heard of some of these before. And I'm a Succubus! I'm a literal incarnation of illicit sex! How could I not know of some of these?!

    Pompey snickered, "Elves can be quite dirty when they want to be. When you live for almost 500 years in the forest, you're gonna want to try some things. One of the reasons I left."

    Sabine looked over the note again. "But...Some of these look really painful. Like, 'I just got my lover hospitalized doing some really kinky stuff; what am I gonna tell the neighbors, we'll never live it down, I told him that wasn't supposed to be there or stick out at than angle' painful."

    Pompey grinned. "Racial dexterity bonus. Though I'm fairly sure anyone with a high enough dexterity score could do these things without getting seriously hurt."

    "...Ah." Sabine paused for a moment. "Wait...So...Someone like that Haley skank, who I am almost certain has a Natural 18 Dexterity, would be able to do these things, while I wouldn't be able to?!"

    Pompey didn't like where this was going, but he felt compelled to answer regardless. "Uh...I think so, yeah."

    Sabine stared blankly at Pompey for a moment, then strode over and grabbed the half-elf by his neck. "Cast Cat's Grace on me. Now." she snarled.

    "W-Why?"

    "Cast it on me NOW. I'm a freaking Succubus. I'm not letting that Haley skank be able to do something I can't do. We're testing these out right now. All of them."

    Pompey suddenly liked where this was going. Very much. "Cat's Grace!"


    ...Well, that sucked.

  18. - Top - End - #1068
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    BatRobin's Avatar

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings II - Brain Bleach not Supplied

    Xykon x Haley x The Orc Chieftain with Kidnapping.
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    Avatar by KwarkPudding!

  19. - Top - End - #1069
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    Gimliggamer's Avatar

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings II - Brain Bleach not Supplied

    Quote Originally Posted by Malkar Grumbo View Post
    *Comes back again*

    Another long absence, man this is getting...

    *Looks at thread to this point*

    OH my gods! The horror! THE HORROR!\

    *hurls self out window*
    What horrorr? I find these stories absolute delacacies.*swallows grenade* These are AWESOME!!!!!!!!! Why would you scream in terrorr. You depress me.*goes to find Zanaril*
    Dolla dolla bill, y'all

  20. - Top - End - #1070
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    The DM's Avatar

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings II - Brain Bleach not Supplied

    Quote Originally Posted by CoffeeIncluded View Post
    PompeyxSabine!

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    Sabine had finally recovered enough to speak. "....You're joking."

    "Joking about what?" Pompey shifted slightly against the wall. Julia was inside; she would have been screaming her brains out if not for the Silence spell he had just cast.

    "I...I've never even heard of some of these before. And I'm a Succubus! I'm a literal incarnation of illicit sex! How could I not know of some of these?!

    Pompey snickered, "Elves can be quite dirty when they want to be. When you live for almost 500 years in the forest, you're gonna want to try some things. One of the reasons I left."

    Sabine looked over the note again. "But...Some of these look really painful. Like, 'I just got my lover hospitalized doing some really kinky stuff; what am I gonna tell the neighbors, we'll never live it down, I told him that wasn't supposed to be there or stick out at than angle' painful."

    Pompey grinned. "Racial dexterity bonus. Though I'm fairly sure anyone with a high enough dexterity score could do these things without getting seriously hurt."

    "...Ah." Sabine paused for a moment. "Wait...So...Someone like that Haley skank, who I am almost certain has a Natural 18 Dexterity, would be able to do these things, while I wouldn't be able to?!"

    Pompey didn't like where this was going, but he felt compelled to answer regardless. "Uh...I think so, yeah."

    Sabine stared blankly at Pompey for a moment, then strode over and grabbed the half-elf by his neck. "Cast Cat's Grace on me. Now." she snarled.

    "W-Why?"

    "Cast it on me NOW. I'm a freaking Succubus. I'm not letting that Haley skank be able to do something I can't do. We're testing these out right now. All of them."

    Pompey suddenly liked where this was going. Very much. "Cat's Grace!"


    ...Well, that sucked.
    Nah, I giggled. Fun stuff.

    Now about those details...
    The DM has spoken.

    You failed your Will save to resist.

  21. - Top - End - #1071
    Dwarf in the Playground
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    Default Re: Crack Pairings II - Brain Bleach not Supplied

    Quote Originally Posted by CoffeeIncluded View Post
    PompeyxSabine!

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    Sabine had finally recovered enough to speak. "....You're joking."

    "Joking about what?" Pompey shifted slightly against the wall. Julia was inside; she would have been screaming her brains out if not for the Silence spell he had just cast.

    "I...I've never even heard of some of these before. And I'm a Succubus! I'm a literal incarnation of illicit sex! How could I not know of some of these?!

    Pompey snickered, "Elves can be quite dirty when they want to be. When you live for almost 500 years in the forest, you're gonna want to try some things. One of the reasons I left."

    Sabine looked over the note again. "But...Some of these look really painful. Like, 'I just got my lover hospitalized doing some really kinky stuff; what am I gonna tell the neighbors, we'll never live it down, I told him that wasn't supposed to be there or stick out at than angle' painful."

    Pompey grinned. "Racial dexterity bonus. Though I'm fairly sure anyone with a high enough dexterity score could do these things without getting seriously hurt."

    "...Ah." Sabine paused for a moment. "Wait...So...Someone like that Haley skank, who I am almost certain has a Natural 18 Dexterity, would be able to do these things, while I wouldn't be able to?!"

    Pompey didn't like where this was going, but he felt compelled to answer regardless. "Uh...I think so, yeah."

    Sabine stared blankly at Pompey for a moment, then strode over and grabbed the half-elf by his neck. "Cast Cat's Grace on me. Now." she snarled.

    "W-Why?"

    "Cast it on me NOW. I'm a freaking Succubus. I'm not letting that Haley skank be able to do something I can't do. We're testing these out right now. All of them."

    Pompey suddenly liked where this was going. Very much. "Cat's Grace!"


    ...Well, that sucked.
    Actually, I thought it quite amusing.

  22. - Top - End - #1072
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    Silverraptor's Avatar

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings II - Brain Bleach not Supplied

    Quote Originally Posted by CoffeeIncluded View Post
    PompeyxSabine!

    Spoiler
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    Sabine had finally recovered enough to speak. "....You're joking."

    "Joking about what?" Pompey shifted slightly against the wall. Julia was inside; she would have been screaming her brains out if not for the Silence spell he had just cast.

    "I...I've never even heard of some of these before. And I'm a Succubus! I'm a literal incarnation of illicit sex! How could I not know of some of these?!

    Pompey snickered, "Elves can be quite dirty when they want to be. When you live for almost 500 years in the forest, you're gonna want to try some things. One of the reasons I left."

    Sabine looked over the note again. "But...Some of these look really painful. Like, 'I just got my lover hospitalized doing some really kinky stuff; what am I gonna tell the neighbors, we'll never live it down, I told him that wasn't supposed to be there or stick out at than angle' painful."

    Pompey grinned. "Racial dexterity bonus. Though I'm fairly sure anyone with a high enough dexterity score could do these things without getting seriously hurt."

    "...Ah." Sabine paused for a moment. "Wait...So...Someone like that Haley skank, who I am almost certain has a Natural 18 Dexterity, would be able to do these things, while I wouldn't be able to?!"

    Pompey didn't like where this was going, but he felt compelled to answer regardless. "Uh...I think so, yeah."

    Sabine stared blankly at Pompey for a moment, then strode over and grabbed the half-elf by his neck. "Cast Cat's Grace on me. Now." she snarled.

    "W-Why?"

    "Cast it on me NOW. I'm a freaking Succubus. I'm not letting that Haley skank be able to do something I can't do. We're testing these out right now. All of them."

    Pompey suddenly liked where this was going. Very much. "Cat's Grace!"


    ...Well, that sucked.
    That was pretty funny. Though I'm glad that I can't speak elven and don't have that high of dexterity.
    My own webcomic. Idiosyncrasy.
    Paladin Academy: Chapter 2 Part 28

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  23. - Top - End - #1073
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    Dark Faun's Avatar

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings II - Brain Bleach not Supplied

    I found the ending hilarious. I just hope for Julia's sake they don't experiment in front of her.
    Formerly known as Discord here and Maladin on avatarspirit.net.

  24. - Top - End - #1074
    Colossus in the Playground
     
    CoffeeIncluded's Avatar

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings II - Brain Bleach not Supplied

    Quote Originally Posted by The DM View Post
    Nah, I giggled. Fun stuff.

    Now about those details...
    I find it better to leave these things to the imagination. (Seriously, I have no idea. Rule of humor here.)

  25. - Top - End - #1075
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    Default Re: Crack Pairings II - Brain Bleach not Supplied

    does Tolkien elf count?
    hell I have to take some dexterity damage...oh **** just rolled natural one at the sanity test...having Cthulhu-like effects!!!
    Cooooooool *-*
    Where is the phone,I gotta dial to my GF!

  26. - Top - End - #1076
    Pixie in the Playground
     
    Flumph

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    Thumbs up Re: Crack Pairings II - Brain Bleach not Supplied

    Durkon while under the effects of Thor's might + (Haley + Vaarsuvius)

    Love potion


    What if Durkon had needed some help with the palm tree, and things had gone slightly wrong?

    Spoiler
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    Haley and Vaarsuvius stood somewhere inside a tent, next to all the things they had bought.

    "Right. While the guys are out getting some food, let's check whether we have everything, V."
    "I am quite sure I have got everything I need, Haley."
    "Yes. But let's check anyway. We don't want to discover we're missing some essential component in the middle of nowhere."
    "Ooh, okay..."
    "Besides...", Haley glanced at some of the sacks standing next to them, "I am not sure whether the guys put everything neatly into those sacks. Guys can be quite messy from that point of view."
    "...I guess you're right." V acquiesced.

    So they set off checking everything in the sacks, folding clothes and sorting items along the way. Soon they realized they indeed had everything they needed, from food and water to spare arrows, cloaks, and maps. They also realized the guys indeed weren't very good at storing things. A fat piece of cheese wrapped in a map, that kind of thing. And...

    "What is this?"

    Haley raised an eyebrow, as she lifted a small phial out of the sack holding various potions. The phial contained some kind of viscuous pink liquid. Haley handed it to V, who, after scrutinizing it, handed it back.

    "I must say that I have no clue."
    "Here", Haley pointed at the bottom of the phial, "the price is still attached. It's from the magical components shop. You must have taken it by accident after that row."
    "...I honestly cannot remember."
    "Hmm...this is strange." Haley held the phial in the light in front of V's head. "Look, it's almost like this stuff is made from little pink fishes with a sweeping tail. Kinda like tadpoles..."

    Actually, Vaarsuvius knew very well what it was. In a moment of weakness after receiving the divorce papers, V had spotted the love potion sitting in a small basket, and had shamefully stolen it. With it, at the moment V had had the faintest hope to bring Kyrie's love back. Foolish, of course, and on second thought very selfish. V believed to have disposed of it, but must have put it in the sack in a moment of inattention. V now saw how Haley popped open the phial.

    "You think I could take a whiff of this without consequences?" Haley asked.

    A now alarmed V had to restrain hirself from panicking and snatching the phial out of Haley's hand. Thinking quickly, V came upon a solution, and managed a "No, let me try. With my wizardly training I am more immune than you to potential unhealthy consequences." while carefully taking the open phial from Haley.

    V knew this was total and utter horse****, but hoped that hir temperament would at least prevent hir from feeling too attracted to Haley. If Haley sniffed it, her feelings for the elf might cause her to...V realized such thoughts were inappropriate at the moment, and quickly cleared hir mind. V brought the phial to hir nose, and inhaled.

    The love potion's perfume was sweetish and saltish at the same time, and had immediate effect. First the world seemed more pink, as all colors took a strange extra shine. Smells were sweeter, and the temparature seemed higher. Haley. Ooh Haley. She looked marvelous. V gazed over her delicious curves, glanced at her delicate and enticing chest, and watched as her silk-smooth hair waved in the wind.

    "V?" Haley looked at Vaarsuvius, who stared strangely at her. She felt incomfortable.

    Then V saw hir mate, Kyrie, float into hir vision. Kyrie did not wear hir regular clothes, but was stark naked, and V could see all the gorgeous details of hir body, feel how Kyrie reacted to V's fingers running over the beautiful white skin of hit torso. As the floating image of Kyrie superimposed itself on Haley's pretty figure, V stepped towards hir friend, stretched out an arm, grabbed Haley's shoulder, and pulled her closer. With the phial still in hir hand, V began caressing Haley's face.

    "V!" Haley shouted, and tried to get out of the elf's embrace. V was behaving strangely, and had a far-away look in hir eyes. Haley only succeeded in causing V's hand to slip off her shoulder, onto one of her breasts. She quickly flustered.

    *SLAP*

    "V, what do you think you are doing?!?" Haley growled.

    V reeled back from the hit, and finally came back to hir senses. "Wuh?!? What?!? Huh?!? What did I do?". Then the memories came rushing in, and V had to steady hirself to avoid drowning in whatever had just possessed hir again. V slowly began to realize just how powerful the potion was...

    Just then, the side of the tent was violently thrown open, and Durkon came running in. He was scratched and bruised and sweating profusely.

    "Aw, lassies, a palmtree is fighting me and just doesn't understand when enough's enough!", he bellowed. "Thor's Might!" And Durkon grew to colossal proportions.

    "Now I need all health potions we have! Don't worry, lassies, I'll buy new ones when I'm done."

    With these words, Durkon grabbed all the health potions. Something that had been nagging V's mind since some time already suddenly became clear. The love potion...looked very similar to a health potion. In slow-motion V saw how Durkon began ingesting potions one after the other, popping potions open, bringing them to him mouth, and gulping them down. One. After. The. Other. And then came the fatal one, the love potion, of course.

    Vaarsuvius watched in horror as the pink potion flushed into Durkon's mouth, and shouted: "Durkon, noooooooooo!". V covered hir face with hir hands.

    There was a tearing sound, dust and bits of armor flew into the air, and the next thing V heard was "Is that a hammer in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?".

    Haley.

    V uncovered hir eyes, and glanced at the human woman. She had an unusually flirty expression on her face. And specks of pink on her cheek. V realized some of the love potion must have splattered onto Haley's face during the slap. This was turning out rather differently than V had hoped. Vaarsuvius then brought hir attention to Durkon. The dwarf towered above them. In more than one sense. V pronounced the only answer possible in such situations.

    "Oh my!"



    continue...? (I fear for my sanity if I do)


  27. - Top - End - #1077
    Ogre in the Playground
     
    Zanaril's Avatar

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings II - Brain Bleach not Supplied

    Quote Originally Posted by Dra-Goon View Post
    Durkon while under the effects of Thor's might + (Haley + Vaarsuvius)

    Love potion
    indeed. But mostly it's funny.

    Continue? Yes please!
    This post may contain sarcasm.
    DeviantArt

  28. - Top - End - #1078
    Pixie in the Playground
    Join Date
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    Default Re: Crack Pairings II - Brain Bleach not Supplied

    I'm new here, so please forgive me if I'm doing it wrong. But I thought this was amusing enough to give it a shot, and I have a lot of work to procrastinate.

    Spoiler
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    Today I woke up with a bit of a headache and an itchy tooth. Probably because of the ghost yelling in my face the day before, he would not shut up. Or maybe it was the dying thing; a bit stress-inducing if you ask me. The sun was mostly covered in clouds, and it was going to start raining in 13 minutes and 26 seconds. Meh.

    Then I remembered that today, Mrs. Crough was coming by, and I sat bolt upright.

    I ran over to where I was going to find my runes in three seconds, and three seconds later, I hid them in the floor. I put the trigger rune on the windowsill, and wrote a quick note on a sheet of paper: "Do Not Disturb from 2:44 to 4:18 PM." I got my robes and magic items for the day, put them on, and went outside. I told my attendants to go set up the Slightly Amusing-level tests (there was going to be a low-level adventurer coming by at 11:12), and walked out to the bushes to wait for them to fail.

    ***

    He was one of the worst people who could have come right before a visit by Mrs. Crough, and he made me have a late lunch. It didn't much matter, though. When the little white cat walked in the doorway, I was prepared. She walked up the stairs and I closed the door behind us as she turned into a creature that could talk.

    "Mrs. Crough, good to see you again. How have you been?" You're a little tired, and the halfling isn't as comforting a target as Shojo.
    "Uh- you don't look familiar. Does the Oracle have shifts or something?"
    "We've got a memory charm around the whole place, you don't remember anything but answers."
    "Oh. Well, to answer you, I'm a little tired. Ugh, the halfling doesn't feed me nearly as well as Shojo does."
    "I sympathize; you may have forgotten, but he killed me yesterday. Nasty little bugger, but I had my revenge. What did you come here for?" Yes, I knew exactly what she was going to say, but it's worth having polite conversation.
    "I had a few questions, actually."
    "One person, one question. Sorry."

    She sighed, and sat down on a chair. "I've been worried about this party of adventurers the halfling's with, especially the fairy. They are so stupid, and yet so powerful, that I can't help thinking that they're going to cause a lot of problems. Shojo knew what he was doing, but he got himself killed by a paladin..." She paused, and stared into the distance, and if she had been slightly less repulsive than the elven form she was in now, I might actually have felt sorry for her.
    "Go on."
    "..he had the best food. Anyway, my question is: Will they- wait, are they- a sec, where- darnit, what was my question..?"
    I could scarcely conceal my smile as well as I concealed the crystal trinket in my pocket.
    "Your question, madam, was 'Will the Order of the Stick destroy the world?'"
    "Yes, that was it! Will the-"
    "You're welcome, now how will you be paying?"

    This was my favorite part of the process; the part where they realize that I'm completely right and that they have to pay me and leave. It was all the better because of what was going to happen next.

    "How will I be paying, you stupid kobold?! You didn't answer my question! I'll pay you when- ooohh...."

    As I touched the rune on the windowsill, her head fell forward, and she began to change. Her skin grew thicker and smoother, and her hair shortened. As her face grew longer and her jaw became more protruding, her whole body was shrinking, and becoming closer to my size. She looked beautiful, and it was tarnished only by the horrified expression on her face. When her tail was fully-formed and her feed became webbed, though, the spell hit her.

    Suddenly she saw me in a new light; suddenly I was the most wonderfully attractive thing in the world. I walked over to her and slowly untied her robes, and she started to reach for mine. She looked at me with such a hungry look on her face...

    ***

    Mrs. Crough walked through the halls of the blind man's house, fuming at the Oracle, but rules were rules and no answer could be obtained for another month or so. She would definitely be back, though. She would get an answer from him as soon as she could and maybe she would write her question down this time.

    "Unnnhh... is that you, Mr. Scruffy? I can't see very well.... what have you been up to?" Belkar barfed, and Mrs. Crough narrowly dodged it. If only I could remember, she thought.


    If this was well-written, I'm sorry for inflicting this on you.

    If it was not (more likely), I'm sorry for inflicting this on you.
    Last edited by Shortgeek; 2009-10-11 at 04:06 PM.
    There is a certain type of signature, which goes somewhat along the lines of "98% of people do X... if you're one of the 2% that don't, put this in your signature". That statistic is almost always completely made up, and often innaccurate. Personally, I think this type of signature is ridiculously stupid.

    98% of forum users have signatures like that. If you're one of the 2% who don't, put this in your signature.

  29. - Top - End - #1079
    Colossus in the Playground
     
    CoffeeIncluded's Avatar

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings II - Brain Bleach not Supplied

    Yay! I'm on the front page! I'm on the front page!

    XykonxRoy's Sword

    VaarsuviusxCrystal (High Heels and Black Leather)

    Zz'DrtixNale (Snowed in)

    BelkarxHinjo

    XykonxJirix (Pink frills and white lace)

    ...I think I'll do a short XykonxRoy's Sword right now.

    Spoiler
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    Xykon landed on the ground, carefully walking over to the body of that fighter who he had juts killed. He only had a few minutes; best to make this fast.

    A short inspection revealed that the guy--What was his name again? Blueplate? Greenpommel? Brownhand?--Was obviously dead. Head trauma, broken neck, the works. Still, Xykon was a bit wary. For a mid level fighter, some of those wounds had hurt. Too many for natural 20s; there was a trick of some kind here.

    The lich glanced over at the sword next to that guy's (Seriously, what was his name again?) body. Odd, it didn't seem to be damaged at all. Xykon began to suspect something. What if all that damage came from his sword, and not the fighter guy himself. One way to find out: He carefully picked up the sword and inspected it closely, when the tip accidentally nicked his arm.

    Once again, it hurt a lot more then a regular sword should have. Looking closely, Xykon realized why. Starmetal. Of course. Mr. Fall-Guy may have been semi-capable, but it was that sword which did most of the work...That sword...

    Xykon felt an urge to run it across his arm. It hurt again, but it was a good kind of hurt. It was the kind of hurt that he could control and released a...Rush, for lack of a better word. Xykon grinned; he hadn't felt like this in years. After this battle, he would certainly need take a page from Redcloak and...Investigate this.

    "Lord Xykon? Ah, good thing he's dead! Infli--Xykon? What are you doing, we've got a war to win!"

    Speak of the devil. "Nothing!" Xykon somewhat reluctantly chucked the sword back at Mr. Silversword's body or whatever his name was, satisfied at the Thwong! sound it made. He noticed a person singing, and figured that was his cue to get back in the battle. Time to take over a gate and humiliate some paladins. This was going to be fun.

    Redcloak, who had seen the entire thing, gave the lich sorceror the oddest look before making a careful notation in his datebook, grinning at the proverbial treasure trove of blackmail potential that was just bestowed to him. This was going to be fun.
    Last edited by CoffeeIncluded; 2009-10-11 at 05:41 PM.

  30. - Top - End - #1080
    Ogre in the Playground
     
    Maximum Zersk's Avatar

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings II - Brain Bleach not Supplied

    Quote Originally Posted by CoffeeIncluded View Post
    Yay! I'm on the front page! I'm on the front page!

    XykonxRoy's Sword

    VaarsuviusxCrystal (High Heels and Black Leather)

    Zz'DrtixNale (Snowed in)

    BelkarxHinjo

    XykonxJirix (Pink frills and white lace)

    ...I think I'll do a short XykonxRoy's Sword right now.

    Spoiler
    Show

    Xykon landed on the ground, carefully walking over to the body of that fighter who he had juts killed. He only had a few minutes; best to make this fast.

    A short inspection revealed that the guy--What was his name again? Blueplate? Greenpommel? Brownhand?--Was obviously dead. Head trauma, broken neck, the works. Still, Xykon was a bit wary. For a mid level fighter, some of those wounds had hurt. Too many for natural 20s; there was a trick of some kind here.

    The lich glanced over at the sword next to that guy's (Seriously, what was his name again?) body. Odd, it didn't seem to be damaged at all. Xykon began to suspect something. What if all that damage came from his sword, and not the fighter guy himself. One way to find out: He carefully picked up the sword and inspected it closely, when the tip accidentally nicked his arm.

    Once again, it hurt a lot more then a regular sword should have. Looking closely, Xykon realized why. Starmetal. Of course. Mr. Fall-Guy may have been semi-capable, but it was that sword which did most of the work...That sword...

    Xykon felt an urge to run it across his arm. It hurt again, but it was a good kind of hurt. It was the kind of hurt that he could control and released a...Rush, for lack of a better word. Xykon grinned; he hadn't felt like this in years. After this battle, he would certainly need take a page from Redcloak and...Investigate this.

    "Lord Xykon? Ah, good thing he's dead! Infli--Xykon? What are you doing, we've got a war to win!"

    Speak of the devil. "Nothing!" Xykon somewhat reluctantly chucked the sword back at Mr. Silversword's body or whatever his name was, satisfied at the Thwong! sound it made. He noticed a person singing, and figured that was his cue to get back in the battle. Time to take over a gate and humiliate some paladins. This was going to be fun.

    Redcloak, who had seen the entire thing, gave the lich sorceror the oddest look before making a careful notation in his datebook, grinning at the proverbial treasure trove of blackmail potential that was just bestowed to him. This was going to be fun.
    Needs more crack! Otherwise, great!

    Anyone want to do this one?

    Kyle BrovloskixBelkar (Former raping Latter)

    A webcomic by Sahaar and I, Shadow of Fire. Read it!

    Giant in the Playground Worldbuilding Project.

    Avatar by James Cameron. Or Michael Dante DiMartino and Bryan Konietzko. Oh wait, I mean Tom Siddell.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Klose_the_Sith View Post
    Thanks. I just happen to be a hug Grammar Nazi at times. Sorry if it bothers you at all.
    Regardless of whether that was intentional or not, I think I love you.


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