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  1. - Top - End - #61
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    Zombie

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table

    Quote Originally Posted by NamonakiRei View Post
    Well, the first one was okay... but the second one... it's for fanfics like that that I stopped writing (and reading) yaoi...
    Yeah, I feel like a Hollywood scriptwriter... And the worst thing is, that it's somehow entertaining to come up with this stuff.

  2. - Top - End - #62
    Barbarian in the Playground
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    Default Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table

    Yeah, that's the second reason I had. It was getting way too funny to read/write those things... way too much...

    But one in a while, I guess it's okay
    An eye for an eye will make us all blind - Mahatma Ghandi.
    Technically, Fire is a chemical process, wherein Oxygen, a fuel, and heat trigger a quick, heat-releasing oxidative reaction that produces carbon dioxide and water vapor. This process is called Combustion. They're not called Combustionals, you know?
    Also Water is a molecule, Air is a bunch of different molecules, and don't let me get started on Earth.
    (Sorry, I'm a Chemist, can't resist.)

  3. - Top - End - #63

    Default Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table

    Sorry it took me so long I was... *cough* checking out the fanservice thread...


    Spoiler
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    Crystal's POV
    Never had I felt like this before... sure, I'd slept with a few people... I'd dated... but... I never felt what I saw the moment I saw him... I don't know what it was... maybe it was his eyes... maybe it was his teeth... maybe it was that fur... but I knew, the moment I saw him, that I was fully in love with Argent the Celestial Wolf. (A/N: Sorry if I got the species wrong, too lazy to look it up)
    I didn't want to face judgment, so I was just staying out in the waiting area, talking with those who passed through. It had been several weeks, and I was a bit bored, with nobody to talk to, when Argent walked out. Never before had I seen such grace, such beauty, especially from an animal. He slowly walked over to me, as if he could tell that I needed somebody to talk to.
    "Hello," I had said. The moment I said it, I noticed that my voice was a bit softer than normal. He simply walked a bit closer and gently nuzzled up against me. We talked a bit, as much as we could without sharing a language. Eventually, he left to go back to his afterlife, and I felt a bit hollow inside, but the moment I saw him come back the next day, I was ecstatic. This continued for several months, and we grew closer. One night, we were lying together, and I had my arms around his neck. He nuzzled up against me, in a particularly female place, if you know what I mean, and that's what set it off. That night, we became closer than we had ever been... it was wonderful... and now, months later, we have a child, Half-Human, Half-Celestial Wolf... I never knew it could happen, but I'm glad it did... I love Argent... I know back in the mortal realm they're trying to resurrect me... but I can't go... I'm too happy now. Argent brings out the best in me... he makes me so happy, and I make him happy...


    It's a bit more emotional than physical, but considering it's illegal in the U.S. where I reside... (well, if Celestial Animals existed it WOULD be illegal... also, it's physically impossible, but... screw biology)

    Also, you cab assume Miko wasn't happy. It's a love line with a tangent.
    It's been a bit, GitP. If you're reading this, you're either digging through old stuff, or I've posted for the first time in forever.

    If you want to stay in touch, reach out to me on twitter (same username).

    The best answer is always to ask your DM.
    Unless you're the DM, in which case you should talk to your players.

  4. - Top - End - #64
    Ogre in the Playground
     
    Cracklord's Avatar

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table

    God, that one disturbs me!
    I just got Tsuiko and Soon Kim. Adultery
    Wow, that one makes a sick sort of sense.
    Have it ready in a minute.
    Last edited by Cracklord; 2009-05-17 at 04:27 PM.
    Nadir We,
    Youth Born,
    Blood Letters,
    Axe Weilders,
    Victors Still.

  5. - Top - End - #65

    Default Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table

    I don't know enough about Soon, sorry.
    It's been a bit, GitP. If you're reading this, you're either digging through old stuff, or I've posted for the first time in forever.

    If you want to stay in touch, reach out to me on twitter (same username).

    The best answer is always to ask your DM.
    Unless you're the DM, in which case you should talk to your players.

  6. - Top - End - #66
    Ogre in the Playground
     
    Cracklord's Avatar

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    Spoiler
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    "Hey Redcloak... We really had a shot at the prize there, didn't we?" Xykon mumbled, the dark energies that sustained him leaking out through the cracks in his body.
    "Yeah." Redcloak mumbled, his eyes closing. "Yeah we did."
    "Smite evil." The spectre said coolly, running the blade through Redcloak's unholy symbol and into his chest. Tuning back to the lich, he raised his blade, and then stopped, instead bringing his spectral boot down on the skull with enough force to shatter it, leaving glistening chunks of bone all over the floor.
    The Oathspirit took a second to compose himself, then turned and glided from the throne room. His city was still in danger. It wasn't over yet.
    A slight girl in close fitting dark clothing ran into the room. She let out a gasp as she saw the remains of her new boss, her hands flying over her mouth. Soon turned to regard her, his face so hard it could have been chiselled from granite.
    Gliding in front of her he stopped, then raised the blade.
    "You have sided against creation." He said, his voice cold but not unkind. "I swore an oath I would protect this place for all time, no matter the cost to myself or the world. Sometimes it is hard to pay, but I must go on paying it. For the sake of my honour, and of the world."
    forced her eyes away from the remains of the lich. She had barely known him, and yet she had felt a connection with him she had lacked most of her life. Because of who she was, because of who she chose to be, she had never been accepted, always treated with disdain or outright contempt. And she had lived with it, until the lich had come along and she had seen another way. And, as usual it had gone up in smoke, just like the rest of her life.
    She felt like sobbing. Instead she drew herself up, with commendable poise, and stared Soon in his spectral eyes. Her gaze was questioning, and somehow vulnerable, but hard and brave. Soon found a measure of sympathy swell in his long dead heart.
    “Why?” Soon asked, suddenly feeling it would be unbearable not to know.
    Tsukiko shrugged. “I was being who I am. For the first time in my life, I was being who I am.”
    “And you would act in such a way, even if it meant the demise of all creation?”
    For a second the girl gaped, but then she shrugged again. But Soon had spotted it. She was an unwitting dupe, not an accomplice. Perhaps he was being too harsh on the girl.
    "What do you want from me?" The girl asked, her eyes widening slightly.
    The spirit cocked his head. "Tell me everything." He said, slightly lost in her eyes. They didn't match, just like Mijung's hadn't, her slim form was just as familiar. And her hair was life fine black silk. She reminded him of his dead wife. She even acted like Mijung had, with her uncompromising attitude and shameless individuality.
    "And then," Soon continued, smiling for the first tims since Mijung had been unmade "We'll see."


    Sorry about the wait.
    Last edited by Cracklord; 2009-05-17 at 06:35 PM.
    Nadir We,
    Youth Born,
    Blood Letters,
    Axe Weilders,
    Victors Still.

  7. - Top - End - #67
    Ogre in the Playground
     
    The Blackbird's Avatar

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table

    Quote Originally Posted by Minion992929 View Post
    Spoiler
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    "Hey Redcloak... We really had a shot at the prize there, didn't we?" Xykon mumbled, the dark energies that sustained him leaking out through the cracks in his body.
    "Yeah." Redcloak mumbled, his eyes closing. "Yeah we did."
    "Smite evil." The spectre said coolly, running the blade through Redcloak's unholy symbol and into his chest. Tuning back to the lich, he raised his blade, and then stopped, instead bringing his spectral boot down on the skull with enough force to shatter it, leaving glistening chunks of bone all over the floor.
    The Oathspirit took a second to compose himself, then turned and glided from the throne room. His city was still in danger. It wasn't over yet.
    A slight girl in close fitting dark clothing ran into the room. She let out a gasp as she saw the remains of her new boss, her hands flying over her mouth. Soon turned to regard her, his face so hard it could have been chiselled from granite.
    Gliding in front of her he stopped, then raised the blade.
    "You have sided against creation." He said, his voice cold but not unkind. "I swore an oath I would protect this place for all time, no matter the cost to myself or the world. Sometimes it is hard to pay, but I must go on paying it. For the sake of my honour, and of the world."
    forced her eyes away from the remains of the lich. She had barely known him, and yet she had felt a connection with him she had lacked most of her life. Because of who she was, because of who she chose to be, she had never been accepted, always treated with disdain or outright contempt. And she had lived with it, until the lich had come along and she had seen another way. And, as usual it had gone up in smoke, just like the rest of her life.
    She felt like sobbing. Instead she drew herself up, with commendable poise, and stared Soon in his spectral eyes. Her gaze was questioning, and somehow vulnerable, but hard and brave. Soon found a measure of sympathy swell in his long dead heart.
    “Why?” Soon asked, suddenly feeling it would be unbearable not to know.
    Tsukiko shrugged. “I was being who I am. For the first time in my life, I was being who I am.”
    “And you would act in such a way, even if it meant the demise of all creation?”
    For a second the girl gaped, but then she shrugged again. But Soon had spotted it. She was an unwitting dupe, not an accomplice. Perhaps he was being too harsh on the girl.


    Sorry about the wait.
    Awesomesauce
    Last edited by The Blackbird; 2009-05-17 at 05:56 PM.
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    Left-Eye by NamonakiRei
    Stick swordsman of the Kyrie fanclub!
    My bro's homebrew class.

    How to: Glibness

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  8. - Top - End - #68

    Default Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table

    Oh, you meant you'd have it in a minute.

    I thought you were being like... "Do this, and have it done in a minute!!"

    Omg.
    I got TsukikoxDurkon under Thor's Might with a love potion, high heels, and black leather

    Somebody make this!
    Last edited by The Dark Fiddler; 2009-05-17 at 06:19 PM.
    It's been a bit, GitP. If you're reading this, you're either digging through old stuff, or I've posted for the first time in forever.

    If you want to stay in touch, reach out to me on twitter (same username).

    The best answer is always to ask your DM.
    Unless you're the DM, in which case you should talk to your players.

  9. - Top - End - #69
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    ClericGuy

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table

    Quote Originally Posted by Kaytara View Post
    You call THIS crack pairings? XD Crack pairings are supposed to induce Will saves against Insanity, their very concept must be so horrible that anyone who hears of them will immediately commit suicide out of a complete loss of faith in humanity!

    How about this?

    Mr. Scruffy/The Snarl
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    The small white cat mewed meekly as he struggled against his chain. A blush glowed under his soft white fur as he gazed up. The Azure City Gate was gone and in its place was a tear in the fabric of the universe... It had grown so large, mesmerizing the eye as it pulsated with passionate energies. As it suddenly noticed him, the pulsation stopped briefly, then recommenced at a greater speed. Slowly but steadily, the Snarl extended one gnarled paw through the rift, reaching towards the white feline...


    Ancient Black Dragon/Inkyrius
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    "No, STOP!" Inkyrius screamed. The dragon raised her head, her attention no longer on the children for a moment as she regarded the elf with dark curiosity. "Please, don't hurt them! Anything but that!" Kyrie pleaded, frantically searching the dragon's red eyes for mercy and finding none. "Please, let them live! Take me instead!"
    "How touching," the dragon grunted with amusement. "But you make an interesting proposition, and perhaps I may be persuaded to disregard my revenge, for a certain price..."
    "What is it you ask? I will do anything!"
    "Oh, I am sure you will. I doubt your dear purple-haired spouse would approve, but that makes my revenge all the sweeter..."
    Thus saying, the dragon leaned close and whispered, "Acid Immunity."


    IFCC Fiends/The Chimera Trigak
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    "...And after we had torn ourselves free of the tentacles, the halfling got the jump on us and killed us."
    "Fascinating," Cedrik muttered. "However, this tells us little about the Order that we did not already know - although it IS interesting that the elf knows that spell - so I'm afraid you'll be off to the Lemure Pit once we're done."
    "We COULD put the Chimera to better use," Lee interjected.
    "Precisely," Nero agreed. "We're always on the lookout for new employees, after all. So allow us to make you an offer - you support us in our scheme, and in exchange we provide you with a far more pleasant fate than what befalls most of those who are damned to the Lower Planes."
    "*Additional terms of service and payment to be specified at a later date," Cedrik and Lee muttered in unison.
    "What sort of service are you looking for?" the Chimera asked, all three heads showing curiosity and slight suspicion.
    "Oh, the usual sort.... Espionage, retrieval missions, escort, assassinations...." Lee replied in a steady drawl.
    "Additionally, there may be some other ways you could be of use to us," Nero added. At the surprised glances from his colleagues and the confused expressions of the Chimera, he shrugged. "What? There are three of us and three of them."

    Bandit Leader/Rhino out of Roy's Bag of Tricks
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    ...You know what? I'm not touching this one.
    ...GAAAH!!! It's too much!!! Make it stop!!! (rolls for DC 100 will save to avoid insanity and gouge eyes out)...Umm, I'll be right back. I need to cast regenerate.
    Kaytara, you win.

  10. - Top - End - #70
    Ogre in the Playground
     
    The Blackbird's Avatar

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table

    I have decided to join the fun.

    Let's see I got,

    Innitial table-Monster in The Dark
    Pathetic table-Zzz'Dtri
    Plot hook: Adultery
    If anyone feels like this one they can go ahead, I'm gonna try a reroll

    Innitial table-Xykon
    lightweight table-Julia Greenhilt
    Plot-Hook: French maid costume

    There I will do that one, but not immediately I have homework I've put off, I'll be back when I'm done.
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    Left-Eye by NamonakiRei
    Stick swordsman of the Kyrie fanclub!
    My bro's homebrew class.

    How to: Glibness

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  11. - Top - End - #71
    Ogre in the Playground
     
    Cracklord's Avatar

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table

    Bored as hell, so here we go again.
    Leeky Windstaff, Lord Kabuto. Very drunk.
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    Leeky windstaff swung his legs, scratching his bald head. He really should be crushing this decadent sign of attempted dominence of the primal, and cackling to himself as nature stopped biding it's time, but he was too drunk to care. Instead he took another pint of wiskey, and scratched an unidentifiable morsel from his teeth.
    "I'll have one too." Said a voice beside him. Turning he saw a well-groomed, articulate gentlemen come behind him. His hair was scented, and he carried a pomiander which he sniffed disdainfully. Leeky stared at him, undisguised longing in his gaze. That should be him. A figure of awe, not of fear.
    The man sat, brushing his robes away with an expertly manicured hand, then brushing his waxed moustache. But when the man handed him the glass, the man downed it with the expertise of a dwarf.
    Leeky licked his lips unconciously.
    "So what brings a reputable gentleman like yourself to this place?" The barman asked, indicating the disreputable tavern around him.
    "I have been recently resurrected, and my powerbase is gone. For now I need to hide from my enemies, while I recover." The barman nodded disinterestedly. Pretty common story, all in all. Leeky, on the otherhand, was hanging on to every word.
    Taking a few more pints to shore up his courage, he wobbled unsteadily over to the man.
    "I don't -hic- don't suppose... don't suppose you need a new minion? hic."
    The man sat still for a moment, grooming his moustache.
    "I suppose I could consider it." He said at last, his careful speech and unfocussed eyes the only hint to vast ammount of alcohol he had consumed.
    "Why don't we go to my room for a...private orientation meeting. If you know what I mean." He continued, giving the gnome an obvious, very unsubtle and suggestive wink.
    Leeky licked his lips again.

    "Do I get any...perks?"
    Last edited by Cracklord; 2009-05-17 at 08:19 PM.
    Nadir We,
    Youth Born,
    Blood Letters,
    Axe Weilders,
    Victors Still.

  12. - Top - End - #72
    Ogre in the Playground
     
    Cracklord's Avatar

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table

    And again. God, a need a hobby or something.
    Julio Scoundrel x Lord Shojo x Horace Greenhilt x Durokan x The IFCC
    Someone is a vampire.
    You know, I don't have a clue where to start. Trying again.

    Teevo x Tanh. Police/military uniform.
    Ok, I got this.

    Spoiler
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    Tanh strode through the caverns beneath the city, pausing occasionly to give a comforting word or some encouragement, occasionly repriminding slackers. His mere pressence was an inspiration, he had been a truly great resistence leader.
    He heard what they said about him, that he was fearless, that he didn't feel pain, that not even the lich could defeat him in battle. If only they knew.
    He had swapped his old armor for some dark and edgy resistence uniform, and stopped trimming his moustache, giving him a rugged quality that he had previously lacked.
    Coming into the central cavern, he stared around for a second, then walked over to the clerics who had been assigned to checking through the loot.
    "What have you got for me?"
    "This." Said the eldest of them, handing him a black box."We don't know waht it is for, but we suspect it might be an artifact.
    Tanh looked at it for a second, a frown marring his features. "What does it do?"
    Instead of responding, the cleric reached over and pressed a seemingly indistinguishable part of the box. Instantly it lit up, light's forming an aproximation of a smile. It had a cute, eager to please expression that reminded Tanh of a puppy he'd once had. He slowly smilled.
    "If you'll exuse me, I'll be in my personal chambers. I intend to examine this very carefully, until I know every inch... intimately."
    Nadir We,
    Youth Born,
    Blood Letters,
    Axe Weilders,
    Victors Still.

  13. - Top - End - #73
    Ogre in the Playground
     
    The Blackbird's Avatar

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table

    ARG!!! I wrote the whole freaken thing and then it disconnected from the internet breifly, and I lost it GAH! I don't feel like doing it now, I'll try again later.
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    Left-Eye by NamonakiRei
    Stick swordsman of the Kyrie fanclub!
    My bro's homebrew class.

    How to: Glibness

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  14. - Top - End - #74
    Ogre in the Playground
     
    PId6's Avatar

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table

    Quote Originally Posted by Minion992929 View Post
    And again. God, a need a hobby or something.
    Julio Scoundrel x Lord Shojo x Horace Greenhilt x Durokan x The IFCC
    Someone is a vampire.
    You know, I don't have a clue where to start.
    Challenge accepted!
    Spoiler
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    Julio, Shojo, Horace, and Durokan are in spirit form watching Oots preparing to battle Xykon down below.
    Shojo: Well this is tiresome to watch.
    Julio: You'd think they'd have gotten something done by now but all they're doing so far is casting buffs on themselves.
    Horace: We may as well try to pass the time. So, how'd you guys go out?
    Shojo: Rampaging paladin.
    Durokan: Rampaging lich.
    Julio: Rampaging airship.
    All three heads turn to stare at him.
    Julio: Long story.
    Horace: Well... anyway, why are you all here? I'm just here to watch over my grandson.
    Shojo: Looking for my cat. Apparently he accidentally killed off the halfling that took care of him so now I have to find him another psychopathic killer.
    Durokan: Well I'm just here to see whether my death was completely meaningless or just kinda meaningless if those kids manage to actually stop the lich.
    Julio: I was just bored and felt like checking up on how my protege is doing.
    Suddenly, a voice came from behind them.
    Cedrik: Care if we join you?
    All four men quickly turned around in surprise to see the three fiends behind them. Horace immediately reached for his sword before realizing that he was in spirit mode and couldn't actually hit anything.
    Horace: What do you want?
    Lee: Oh we were just bored at waiting for the wizard to get to the gate already so we're just looking for some diversion until we can finally put our plan in motion.
    Durokan: What do you mean?
    Nero: We would just like to offer you four a proposition to the benefit of all of our respective sanities.
    Dorukan: Why should we trust you?
    Cedrik: Oh it's not like we're asking for your souls or anything-
    Lee: At least not yet.
    Cedrik: -and this is just to relieve us all of boredom and pass the time.
    Nero: I mean, can you guys honestly tell me you're not bored of watching that dwarf cast Bull's Strength for the 27th time?
    Lee: Note: previous question was entirely rhetorical and should not be answered.
    Nero: So all we're asking is for you guys to hear us out.
    Julio: I think we should hear them out.
    Shojo: How much could it really hurt just to consider their offer? I mean, we are all really bored of waiting, after all.
    Horace: Forget it; I'm not letting any demon/devil/whatever-you-are try to talk me into furthering their plans. Besides, they should begin the battle soon anyhow.
    Cedrik points downward towards Oots.
    Durkon: Bear's Endurance!
    Horace: What! Another one!? How many times does he have to cast that bloody thing? Ugh, this is going to take an hour at least. Alright, what do you want?
    Nero: You, us, orgy, now.
    Horace: Oh. Was that all you wanted? That's no big deal, sure.
    Dorukan: It'll certainly make this intolerable waiting more bearable. Fine by me!
    Julio: I wanted to sleep with you guys the moment I met you.
    All three heads turn to stare at him.
    Julio: What?
    Shojo: An old man has needs too, you know. Count me in!
    IFCC: Fantastic!
    A short moment while the spirits/fiends get into position. Then, in the middle of their orgy:
    Lee: ...
    Lee: Are you sucking my blood?
    Julio: Um... no.

  15. - Top - End - #75
    Ogre in the Playground
     
    Cracklord's Avatar

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table

    I bow in the pressence of a master. That fic was so bad it bent reality. (No offence to your writing, I meant the premise.)
    Last edited by Cracklord; 2009-05-17 at 11:16 PM.
    Nadir We,
    Youth Born,
    Blood Letters,
    Axe Weilders,
    Victors Still.

  16. - Top - End - #76
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    Weimann's Avatar

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table

    Jephton/Haetra/Ganonron/Julia Greenhilt/Jirix, doing something not PG enough to mention on this board. (3,2)(19,17,14)(14)(19)

    Even the logistics of that is burning my brain.

    So, exactly what is "not PG enough"? I'll try to come up with something that both satisfies the demand and doesn't get me banned.

    Spoiler
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    "Stay over there, you third-degree skin condition!" Julia called. Her tight, green top clung to her chest tightly, her short skirt billowing in the chilly breeze. Jirix advanced slowly, a smug grin on his face.

    "Or what? There's a severe lack of females in our army, and not everyone is as bereft of fleshly desires as Xykon." Jirix grinned, revealing a row of glistening, sharp fangs. "I'm way higher level than you, you little tramp. You can't do anything to me."

    "Me, maybe, but I have, like, backup!" She does. Quiver before us. Fo' real, yo.

    "What? Where?! True Seeing!" Jirix cast the detection spell, and gasped as he saw the spiced souls hovering around the scantily clad girl. "Soul splices?! What can you have that could buy you three souls of that magnitude?!"

    "Same thing as you want, orange boy. Everyone pays attention to the girl with the boobies." She threw a lopsided grin to Jirix. "I just let them peek in next time I have company. A fair price to pay for ultimate arcane power." And we were really on our way back, so we figured it'd be easy soul time. We did tell her about the whole sell-your-soul part of the contract, didn't we? I was getting to that, but she accepted right away. Figured what she doesn't know won't hurt her. He's pretty cute, isn't he? Uh, what? The goblin. I wish I still had flesh, 'cause it'd be tingling right now. Haerta, weren't you into the life-impaired last time I checked? I just have a thing for the uglier parts of creation I guess. Besdies, the poor baby really can't have much of a life, anyway. Uh, right. I'll take your word for that.

    "Magic Missile!" Julia called out, but nothing happened. "Guys, like, what the hell?!" So, what are we doing? He's coming closer. Looking rather determined. I don't want to hurt him... Well, this IS just a side-job. It's not even official... Yeah, I guess... C'mon, guys? Please? Oh, okay then. Selective Teleport. Yaaaaay! Haerta deepend the splice, making her feel her host's body stronger.

    "Aaaiiie!" Julia gasped when her clothes suddenly jumped three yards to the right. In horror, she tripped over her own feet and landed squarley on her pretty bum. "No, no, WAIT!"

    "Easy, girl, I'm not one to be violent. Just relax and you just might like it." Jirix approached slowly, a smile on his face. He reached down, cupped and rubbed Julia with his hand. Julia imagined she could hear a soft moan ascape her lips, but she hadn't induced that herself. She also felt a strange kind of arousal she hadn't experienced earlier. Gasping again, she made no major effort to expel the intruder. She just hoped no one would hear about his, because that'd be totally bad for her street rep.

    Suddenly, she felt a hand on her chest, and another one sneaking up her thigh. No fair leaving us hanging like that... You can't have all the fun. Haerta sighed, but smiled when the two hands softly began undressing her. Oh, okay then.
    So, yeah. I hope that was bad enough.
    Last edited by Weimann; 2009-05-18 at 02:57 AM.
    Quoth the raven, "Polly wants a cracker."

    Pony avatar by the Great and Powerful DirtyTabs. Lotsa hugs!

    Scourge Caste avatar by the illustrious Akrim.elf. Thank you!

  17. - Top - End - #77
    Ogre in the Playground
     
    PId6's Avatar

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table

    Quote Originally Posted by Minion992929 View Post
    I bow in the pressence of a master. That fic was so bad it bent reality. (No offence to your writing, I meant the premise.)
    Heh, now I'm going to try to roll up a BelkarxBelkarxBelkerxBelkarxBelkarxRoy with French maid costume and top it.

    Quote Originally Posted by Weimann View Post
    Jephton/Haetra/Ganonron/Julia Greenhilt/Jirix, doing something not PG enough to mention on this board. (3,2)(19,17,14)(14)(19)

    Even the logistics of that is burning my brain.

    So, exactly what is "not PG enough"? I'll try to come up with something that both satisfies the demand and doesn't get me banned.

    Spoiler
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    "Stay over there, you third-degree skin condition!" Julia called. Her tight, green top clung to her chest tightly, her short skirt billowing in the chilly breeze. Jirix advanced slowly, a smug grin on his face.

    "Or what? There's a severe lack of females in our army, and not everyone is as bereft of fleshly desires as Xykon." Jirix grinned, revealing a row of glistening, sharp fangs. "I'm way higher level than you, you little tramp. You can't do anything to me."

    "Me, maybe, but I have, like, backup!" She does. Quiver before us. Fo' real, yo.

    "What? Where?! True Seeing!" Jirix cast the detection spell, and gasped as he saw the spiced souls hovering around the scantily clad girl. "Soul splices?! What can you have that could buy you three souls of that magnitude?!"

    "Same thing as you want, orange boy. Everyone pays attention to the girl with the boobies." She threw a lopsided grin to Jirix. "I just let them peek in next time I have company. A fair price to pay for ultimate arcane power." And we were really on our way back, so we figured it'd be easy soul time. We did tell her about the whole sell-your-soul part of the contract, didn't we? I was getting to that, but she accepted right away. Figured what she doesn't know won't hurt her. He's pretty cute, isn't he? Uh, what? The goblin. I wish I still had flesh, 'cause it'd be tingling right now. Haerta, weren't you into the life-impaired last time I checked? I just have a thing for the uglier parts of creation I guess. Besdies, the poor baby really can't have much of a life, anyway. Uh, right. I'll take your word for that.

    "Magic Missile!" Julia called out, but nothing happened. "Guys, like, what the hell?!" So, what are we doing? He's coming closer. Looking rather determined. I don't want to hurt him... Well, this IS just a side-job. It's not even official... Yeah, I guess... C'mon, guys? Please? Oh, okay then. Selective Teleport. Yaaaaay! Haerta deepend the splice, making her feel her host's body stronger.

    "Aaaiiie!" Julia gasped when her clothes suddenly jumped three yards to the right. In horror, she tripped over her own feet and landed squarley on her pretty bum. "No, no, WAIT!"

    "Easy, girl, I'm not one to be violent. Just relax and you just might like it." Jirix approached slowly, a smile on his face. He reached down, cupped and rubbed Julia with his hand. Julia imagined she could hear a soft moan ascape her lips, but she hadn't induced that herself. She also felt a strange kind of arousal she hadn't experienced earlier. Gasping again, she made no major effort to expel the intruder. She just hoped no one would hear about his, because that'd be totally bad for her street rep.

    Suddenly, she felt a hand on her chest, and another one sneaking up her thigh. No fair leaving us hanging like that... You can't have all the fun. Haerta sighed, but smiled when the two hands softly began undressing her. Oh, okay then.
    So, yeah. I hope that was bad enough.
    On second thought, I think I've had enough of crack pairings for one night.
    Last edited by PId6; 2009-05-18 at 03:42 AM.

  18. - Top - End - #78
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    Default Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table

    Just about.
    OK, Julia Greenhilt, The chimera, The IFCC, Durkon while under the effects of Thor's might. Everyone is a furry version of themselves.
    I think I’ll leave that one in the open.

    O-Chul with a random template (I’m opting for Werebear), and The orc chieftain. Desert Island.
    Got this.

    Spoiler
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    Well, it's better then being stuck in the cage. O-Chul thought, as he walked along the edge of the ocean. The freedom felt fine, but the gnawing pain in his belly did not. Freedom was all well and good, but too much of it could be quite fatal. "Trust in the gods, but hobble your horse," as the old saying went. If only a few of his colleagues had learned that.
    There were a few coconut trees around, but O-Chul had ignored them. While plenty of people had no doubt sustained themselves on what they had been able to scavenge in similar situation, just as many probably had died of food poisoning.
    At the cusp of his hearing, he heard a low, insistent humming. Idly curious, he followed it until he found it's source.
    A vision of barbarianism met his eyes. The figure was as big as him, and O-Chul was a large man. His face was a testament to a life lived, if not well, at least thoroughly, and he wore a wolf's skull headdress. He was an orc, though that meant little to O-Chul. Twenty years as a paladin had taught him not to judge by appearances.
    The Orc sensed him as he approached, but didn't make any effort to ward him off, if anything he seemed to try and make himself seem friendly. Eyes like chips of ruby tried to look warm and friendly, and a face scarred from years of hard living creased into a smile, or at least a lopsided gash.
    OChul sat beside him. Some company was better then remaining alone.
    "hello. me chief grukgruk." The big orc said, inclining his head.
    "I am O-Chul." The paladin returned friendlily.
    "me think you not from round here." The orc said.
    "What gave me away?"
    "me would have noticed someone so sexy." The Orc replied, his brawny arm settling on the paladin's shoulders.
    O-Chul melted into the orcs embrace for a second, but then stopped. A shudder wracked his torso. "There's something you should no about me..."
    "that ok, grukgruk like hairy guys."


    I decided to end it a bit earlier the usual.
    Last edited by Cracklord; 2009-05-18 at 04:46 AM.
    Nadir We,
    Youth Born,
    Blood Letters,
    Axe Weilders,
    Victors Still.

  19. - Top - End - #79
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    Athaniar's Avatar

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table

    Nale, Windstriker, Crystal, the Shadowdancer, and all of the Demon Roaches, all genderbent and very drunk.

    ...?!

  20. - Top - End - #80

    Default Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table

    My creation is a success!

    ()
    It's been a bit, GitP. If you're reading this, you're either digging through old stuff, or I've posted for the first time in forever.

    If you want to stay in touch, reach out to me on twitter (same username).

    The best answer is always to ask your DM.
    Unless you're the DM, in which case you should talk to your players.

  21. - Top - End - #81
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    Default Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table

    Bain...melting...

    But seriously, NamonakiRei's were actually very good! Minion992929's Thog and O-Chul was slightly creepy tho...
    Avatar by me...yup that's how good my drawing is. As in not very good.

    Crack-Pairings, Not Dead Just Moved. Someone Hasn't Been Looking In The Right Places.


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    Quote Originally Posted by Caleniel View Post
    Taekwondodo - your nick and your avatar are terrific. I want to award you something... how about enough melons to see you through the next ice age?

  22. - Top - End - #82
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    Default Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table

    Quote Originally Posted by Dread Cthulhu View Post
    I got BelkarxVxMiko as furries. My brain is melting out of my ears.
    That compares with a wolverine with a rabid dire ferret.

  23. - Top - End - #83
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    Default Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table

    Quote Originally Posted by Taekwondodo View Post
    Bain...melting...

    But seriously, NamonakiRei's were actually very good! Minion992929's Thog and O-Chul was slightly creepy tho...
    That's the point. They are meant to be so very wrong that the existence of them makes you question whether there is any good in the universe and the existence of a creator.
    We're not quite there yet, but give it time.
    Nadir We,
    Youth Born,
    Blood Letters,
    Axe Weilders,
    Victors Still.

  24. - Top - End - #84
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    Default Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table

    Quote Originally Posted by Minion992929 View Post
    We're not quite there yet, but give it time.
    Your InkyriusXBozzok one came quite close, I think. Possibly because all the other ones here are so improbable that they end up more funny than disturbing.
    Last edited by Zanaril; 2009-05-18 at 10:22 AM.
    This post may contain sarcasm.
    DeviantArt

  25. - Top - End - #85

    Default Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table

    My Crystal/Argent with Crystal getting pregnant was PERFECTLY realistic, what are you talking about?
    It's been a bit, GitP. If you're reading this, you're either digging through old stuff, or I've posted for the first time in forever.

    If you want to stay in touch, reach out to me on twitter (same username).

    The best answer is always to ask your DM.
    Unless you're the DM, in which case you should talk to your players.

  26. - Top - End - #86
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    Default Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table

    No, they are supposed to bend or outright break the world they live in just to exist. That's what makes them crack pairings.
    Nadir We,
    Youth Born,
    Blood Letters,
    Axe Weilders,
    Victors Still.

  27. - Top - End - #87

    Default Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table

    Quote Originally Posted by Blackbird97 View Post
    ARG!!! I wrote the whole freaken thing and then it disconnected from the internet breifly, and I lost it GAH! I don't feel like doing it now, I'll try again later.
    Forgive me if I'm wrong, but as long as the window stayed open, wasn't all the data still there? At least if you're using Firefox. It's helpful for compiling stuff from posts I forgot to. Type everything up, hit back to see what I missed, forward and add it. Even when it kept crashing on me, it still saved most of it.

    Sorry if I bored you.
    It's been a bit, GitP. If you're reading this, you're either digging through old stuff, or I've posted for the first time in forever.

    If you want to stay in touch, reach out to me on twitter (same username).

    The best answer is always to ask your DM.
    Unless you're the DM, in which case you should talk to your players.

  28. - Top - End - #88
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    Default Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table

    Quote Originally Posted by The Dark Fiddle View Post
    Forgive me if I'm wrong, but as long as the window stayed open, wasn't all the data still there? At least if you're using Firefox. It's helpful for compiling stuff from posts I forgot to. Type everything up, hit back to see what I missed, forward and add it. Even when it kept crashing on me, it still saved most of it.

    Sorry if I bored you.
    Naw I have internet explorer, my internet disconnected and when I hit back I only had the thing that I quoted my story was gone. I'll make a different one, I can't stand writing the same stuff again.

    Here we go

    2 Pathetic table-8 Therkla
    3 lightweight table- Belkar
    Plot Hook-Everyone is a furry version of themselves

    Okay I'm going for another reroll, this is just...weird, anyone else wanna do it?

    2 Pathetic table-
    3 lightweight table-
    ...I'm not even going to annouce what I rolled here.

    Yes I am very picky

    3 lightweight table-The oracle
    4 heavyweight table-Flesh golem Roy
    Aliens Made Them Do It (not necessarily literal aliens) (Though for this I will make it literal aliens)

    I... you know what, I'm doing it, I am!

    Spoiler
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    The Oracle of the Sunkun valley actually laughed when he saw Celia walking down to Greysky city with Roy's body, gazing at the events through his power of foresight. He knew full well what was going to happen, she would mistakenly take the body to the golem guy, whatever his name was, and then he would make it into a bone golem. Then they would go through all this crap to get the golem back. Rather humerous, he thought. But then another site come to him in his trance. A large flying saucer, taking the golem, and then himself, The Oracle, picking them up with some sort of spell launched from the saucer. Then the trance ended, the kobold sat on the floor wondering for the first time ever if Tiamat had played a joke on him. Less than a week later, the saucer came, the Oracle was out for a short stroll around the area, looking for a new monster for the test of body (He thought this time maybe some sort of tentacle monster, that would throw them off). He did not even notice the huge ass object right over him (Rolled a 1 on his spot check) as it used it's tractorbeam to pull him up.

    The saucer then left to collect the golem from Grubwiggler(If that's how it's spelled) the alien kidnappers planned to return the golem as soon as there were done with it. When the Oracle woke up he saw the bone golem sitting next to it, and some strange creature, perhaps the one who had abducted him, standing outside a glass box, which both the Oracle and the golem were in. The Oracle quickly realized that in his vision he had not seen what had come next. But then the golem was right next to him, it grabbed him, turned him about and started to do pelvic thrusts to his behind. The only thing the Oracle said was "Okay, you've got to be ****en kidding me."


    That was horrible, not like so horrible it's funny, it was just bad. My Julia and Xykon one was way better, but I tried it, so there ya go.
    Last edited by The Blackbird; 2009-05-18 at 07:50 PM.
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    Left-Eye by NamonakiRei
    Stick swordsman of the Kyrie fanclub!
    My bro's homebrew class.

    How to: Glibness

    Spoiler
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  29. - Top - End - #89

    Default Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table

    What, not even showing us with White TExt? Not even telling us?

    Wimp.
    It's been a bit, GitP. If you're reading this, you're either digging through old stuff, or I've posted for the first time in forever.

    If you want to stay in touch, reach out to me on twitter (same username).

    The best answer is always to ask your DM.
    Unless you're the DM, in which case you should talk to your players.

  30. - Top - End - #90
    Ogre in the Playground
     
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    Default Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table

    Quote Originally Posted by The Dark Fiddle View Post
    What, not even showing us with White TExt? Not even telling us?

    Wimp.
    It was not terrifying it was just dumb, I think it was Haley's Dad and The Chief of Cliffport police for American high school setting.
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    Left-Eye by NamonakiRei
    Stick swordsman of the Kyrie fanclub!
    My bro's homebrew class.

    How to: Glibness

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