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  1. - Top - End - #271
    Orc in the Playground
     
    TheBibliophile's Avatar

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table

    Think I might wait till tomorrow before checking this thread again. Angels 2200 has provided my RDA of squick.
    Amazingly cool avatar by Mauve Shirt. May she ever be promoted and not demoted! *promotes*
    Books are a mind-altering substance. Therefore, I am high all the time.
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    Some poetry I've written. Constructive criticism warmly welcomed.

  2. - Top - End - #272

    Default Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table

    There are two things that permanently grant you immunity to Squick or anything of the sort. Let's go with anything you'd need Brain Bleach for. That works. I've done both.

    There's 4chan's /b/. I don't recommend this, it's vulgar, and has very inappropriate things.

    Then there's My Immortal, worst fanfic ever. I don't recommend this either, it will kill your brain, and would be vulgar, if there weren't so many typos.

    If you had to do one, I'd recommend My Immortal, you might be able to laugh at it at least.
    It's been a bit, GitP. If you're reading this, you're either digging through old stuff, or I've posted for the first time in forever.

    If you want to stay in touch, reach out to me on twitter (same username).

    The best answer is always to ask your DM.
    Unless you're the DM, in which case you should talk to your players.

  3. - Top - End - #273
    Orc in the Playground
     
    TheBibliophile's Avatar

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table

    Thanks for the tip, but I don't think I'll do either. TheBibliophile, signing out for the night.

    Hey, I live in the UK, it's 11 here.
    Last edited by TheBibliophile; 2009-08-07 at 04:57 PM.
    Amazingly cool avatar by Mauve Shirt. May she ever be promoted and not demoted! *promotes*
    Books are a mind-altering substance. Therefore, I am high all the time.
    My old avatars. Thanks, y'all!
    Some poetry I've written. Constructive criticism warmly welcomed.

  4. - Top - End - #274
    Ogre in the Playground
     
    Zanaril's Avatar

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table

    Quote Originally Posted by The Dark Fiddler View Post
    You could open this installment by one of them waking up and it having only been a dream, and then spending the rest of the chapter trying to actually make it happen. Maybe something like:

    D: *wakes up, doesn't see V* "Oh no, I must have dreamed all that!"
    *is tossed in* "Oh, its you."

    And then basically do the same thing as the first chapter, but have D struggle with it more, because his dream V is easier than real V.
    That's your challenge. I don't think I could re-write the first chapter any differently.


    My main goal is to write something that doesn't make everyone go "D'aww!". I think I'm already failing. Seriously, I bet if I wrote XykonXRedcloak it would come out sounding cute.

    Spoiler
    Show
    A slight breeze drifted though the barred window, catching a few strands of white hair. The elf shivered slightly, snuggling further into the arms of the warm being who lay next to him; a slight smile crossed dark lips, their owner deep in pleasant memories. The other elf, however, was not so restful. Features twisted into a frown, upleasant memories crossed unbidden behind closed eyes. Finally, these dark spectres of the past became to much, and with a gasp Vaarsuvius jerked awake and sat up, breathing heavily.

    ZZ'dtri opened bleary eyes. "Again?"

    Vaarsuvius nodded, then shivered and replaced the dislodged cloak around bare shoulders; under a makeshift blanket of cloaks and robes they were both naked. The dark elf sat up too, stifling a yawn, then wrapped his arms protectively around the other's shoulders.

    "Too many things I can't forget." Vaarsuvius sighed, leaning back and closing tired eyes. "I though it was bad before, when all I could focus on was how my magic had failed... how I'd failed. But now -" The elf trailed off, holding back a sob. Zz'dtri raised a hand, and gently touched the other's face.
    "Now all I can remember of is the fear in their eyes."

    "They'd forgive you if they understood." He muttered, replacing the hand with lips.

    "But I don't think they would." Vaarsuvius sighed again. "I made the decision to leave them long, long ago, even if I didn't realize at the time. I traded their love for my thirst for the arcane, then when I though I had finally proved my power, I expected it to be enough to replace actual devotion to my family." A slight, sad laugh "I abandon one thing for another all too readily, then expect forgiveness when it fails me. Look where I am now!"

    Zz'dtri paused in the process of gently nibbling a pointed ear, then shrugged when Vaarsuvius made no indication to stop. Dark hands left their place around the other's shoulders to stroke down thin sides.

    "I can't stay here, there's too many people who - who are depending on me, and not - ah!- not just my family." V turned a purple haired head towards Z'zdtri - tangled strands almost lilac in the low light - and burried a pained face in the side of his neck as his hands continued to move lower.

    "Otherwise, I don't think the memories will ever go away." V murmered, twisting around to return the now fervent ministrations by locking lips.

    "Don't have to trance." Zz'dtri said, pulling away momentarily "Just.. don't think."
    For the rest of the night, neither spoke. The only sounds in the dark were the soft rustle of cloth and, occasionally, a soft sigh.
    Last edited by Zanaril; 2009-08-07 at 06:06 PM.
    This post may contain sarcasm.
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  5. - Top - End - #275

    Default Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table

    Quote Originally Posted by Zanaril View Post
    Seriously, I bet if I wrote XykonXRedcloak it would come out sounding cute.
    You said it, you can't UNsay it! THE SCARY DOOR!

    Now people will expect it!
    It's been a bit, GitP. If you're reading this, you're either digging through old stuff, or I've posted for the first time in forever.

    If you want to stay in touch, reach out to me on twitter (same username).

    The best answer is always to ask your DM.
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  6. - Top - End - #276
    Ogre in the Playground
     
    Zanaril's Avatar

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table

    The same goes for your VxZz'dtri re-write. I'm busy at the moment, as you can see.

    Also, I could have unsaid it if you hadn't quoted me. But I suppose that was your point. But never fear, I'll give it a go once I'm done with VxZ.
    Last edited by Zanaril; 2009-08-07 at 05:45 PM.
    This post may contain sarcasm.
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  7. - Top - End - #277

    Default Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table

    Yup.

    Although, your current addition to the story is coming along quite well.
    It's been a bit, GitP. If you're reading this, you're either digging through old stuff, or I've posted for the first time in forever.

    If you want to stay in touch, reach out to me on twitter (same username).

    The best answer is always to ask your DM.
    Unless you're the DM, in which case you should talk to your players.

  8. - Top - End - #278
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    Default Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table

    Thanks, but don't think flattery will get you out of writing something yourself.
    This post may contain sarcasm.
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  9. - Top - End - #279

    Default Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table

    To be fair, I've written more than 99+% of the forum.Plus, I keep getting odd rolls; I can't justify putting them together.
    It's been a bit, GitP. If you're reading this, you're either digging through old stuff, or I've posted for the first time in forever.

    If you want to stay in touch, reach out to me on twitter (same username).

    The best answer is always to ask your DM.
    Unless you're the DM, in which case you should talk to your players.

  10. - Top - End - #280
    Ogre in the Playground
     
    Zanaril's Avatar

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table

    Then go with the flow and write VxZz'dtri! I want to see someone else's take on it!
    This post may contain sarcasm.
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  11. - Top - End - #281
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    Bibliomancer's Avatar

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table

    *casts Protection from Fanfic*
    *looks at empty thread*
    *dismisses spell*

    Ah...

    Um, is there a compilation of the pairings written thus far anywhere or does one need to scroll through the entire thread to find them?
    In Dungeons and Dragons, racism is frowned upon, unless you're playing an elf. Then it's an interesting character trait.

    Avatar by Darwin.

  12. - Top - End - #282

    Default Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table

    Quote Originally Posted by Bibliomancer View Post
    Um, is there a compilation of the pairings written thus far anywhere or does one need[s] to scroll through the entire thread to find them?
    Yeah, that.

    Although if YOU compile them, I'll give you a cookie.

    EDIT: Actually, I think I can make this one work. I got RoyxRedcloakxRoy.
    Last edited by The Dark Fiddler; 2009-08-07 at 06:01 PM.
    It's been a bit, GitP. If you're reading this, you're either digging through old stuff, or I've posted for the first time in forever.

    If you want to stay in touch, reach out to me on twitter (same username).

    The best answer is always to ask your DM.
    Unless you're the DM, in which case you should talk to your players.

  13. - Top - End - #283
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    Zanaril's Avatar

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table

    Quote Originally Posted by Bibliomancer View Post
    *casts Protection from Fanfic*
    *looks at empty thread*
    *dismisses spell*

    Ah...

    Um, is there a compilation of the pairings written thus far anywhere or does one need to scroll through the entire thread to find them?
    You obviously missed my post, so here it is again!

    Chapter 2:

    Spoiler
    Show
    A slight breeze drifted though the barred window, catching a few strands of white hair. The elf shivered slightly, snuggling further into the arms of the warm being who lay next to him; a slight smile crossed dark lips, their owner deep in pleasant memories. The other elf, however, was not so restful. Features twisted into a frown, upleasant memories crossed unbidden behind closed eyes. Finally, these dark spectres of the past became to much, and with a gasp Vaarsuvius jerked awake and sat up, breathing heavily.

    ZZ'dtri opened bleary eyes. "Again?"

    Vaarsuvius nodded, then shivered and replaced the dislodged cloak around bare shoulders; under a makeshift blanket of cloaks and robes they were both naked. The dark elf sat up too, stifling a yawn, then wrapped his arms protectively around the other's shoulders.

    "Too many things I can't forget." Vaarsuvius sighed, leaning back and closing tired eyes. "I though it was bad before, when all I could focus on was how my magic had failed... how I'd failed. But now -" The elf trailed off, holding back a sob. Zz'dtri raised a hand, and gently touched the other's face.
    "Now all I can remember of is the fear in their eyes."

    "They'd forgive you if they understood." He muttered, replacing the hand with lips.

    "But I don't think they would." Vaarsuvius sighed again. "I made the decision to leave them long, long ago, even if I didn't realize at the time. I traded their love for my thirst for the arcane, then when I though I had finally proved my power, I expected it to be enough to replace actual devotion to my family." A slight, sad laugh "I abandon one thing for another all too readily, then expect forgiveness when it fails me. Look where I am now!"

    Zz'dtri paused in the process of gently nibbling a pointed ear, then shrugged when Vaarsuvius made no indication to stop. Dark hands left their place around the other's shoulders to stroke down thin sides.

    "I can't stay here, there's too many people who - who are depending on me, and not - ah!- not just my family." V turned a purple haired head towards Z'zdtri - tangled strands almost lilac in the low light - and burried a pained face in the side of his neck as his hands continued to move lower.

    "Otherwise, I don't think the memories will ever go away." V murmered, twisting around to return the now fervent ministrations by locking lips.

    "Don't have to trance." Zz'dtri said, pulling away momentarily "Just.. don't think."
    For the rest of the night, neither spoke. The only sounds in the dark were the soft rustle of cloth and, occasionally, a soft sigh.


    That's that section done.

    Next up: How will they escape the Evil lawers?
    Last edited by Zanaril; 2009-08-07 at 06:11 PM.
    This post may contain sarcasm.
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  14. - Top - End - #284

    Default Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table

    Quote Originally Posted by Zanaril View Post
    Next up: How will they escape the Evil lawers?
    Restraining order of course!
    It's been a bit, GitP. If you're reading this, you're either digging through old stuff, or I've posted for the first time in forever.

    If you want to stay in touch, reach out to me on twitter (same username).

    The best answer is always to ask your DM.
    Unless you're the DM, in which case you should talk to your players.

  15. - Top - End - #285
    Ogre in the Playground
     
    Zanaril's Avatar

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table

    Quote Originally Posted by The Dark Fiddler View Post
    Restraining order of course!
    That was a rhetorical question. Quiet you, unless you're writing more crackfic.
    Last edited by Zanaril; 2009-08-07 at 06:10 PM.
    This post may contain sarcasm.
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  16. - Top - End - #286
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    Bibliomancer's Avatar

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table

    Quote Originally Posted by Bibliomancer View Post
    Um, is there a compilation of the pairings written thus far anywhere or does one need to scroll through the entire thread to find them?
    Dark Fiddler, as far as I can tell no "s" is needed after the need because a verb precedes it in the sentence, so it appears in the infinitive form. Although I could be wrong.

    Quote Originally Posted by Zanaril View Post
    You obviously missed my post, so here it is again!

    Spoiler
    Show
    A slight breeze drifted though the barred window, catching a few strands of white hair. The elf shivered slightly, snuggling further into the arms of the warm being who lay next to him; a slight smile crossed dark lips, their owner deep in pleasant memories. The other elf, however, was not so restful. Features twisted into a frown, upleasant memories crossed unbidden behind closed eyes. Finally, these dark spectres of the past became to much, and with a gasp Vaarsuvius jerked awake and sat up, breathing heavily.

    ZZ'dtri opened bleary eyes. "Again?"

    Vaarsuvius nodded, then shivered and replaced the dislodged cloak around bare shoulders; under a makeshift blanket of cloaks and robes they were both naked. The dark elf sat up too, stifling a yawn, then wrapped his arms protectively around the other's shoulders.

    "Too many things I can't forget." Vaarsuvius sighed, leaning back and closing tired eyes. "I though it was bad before, when all I could focus on was how my magic had failed... how I'd failed. But now -" The elf trailed off, holding back a sob. Zz'dtri raised a hand, and gently touched the other's face.
    "Now all I can remember of is the fear in their eyes."

    "They'd forgive you if they understood." He muttered, replacing the hand with lips.

    "But I don't think they would." Vaarsuvius sighed again. "I made the decision to leave them long, long ago, even if I didn't realize at the time. I traded their love for my thirst for the arcane, then when I though I had finally proved my power, I expected it to be enough to replace actual devotion to my family." A slight, sad laugh "I abandon one thing for another all too readily, then expect forgiveness when it fails me. Look where I am now!"

    Zz'dtri paused in the process of gently nibbling a pointed ear, then shrugged when Vaarsuvius made no indication to stop. Dark hands left their place around the other's shoulders to stroke down thin sides.

    "I can't stay here, there's too many people who - who are depending on me, and not - ah!- not just my family." V turned a purple haired head towards Z'zdtri - tangled strands almost lilac in the low light - and burried a pained face in the side of his neck as his hands continued to move lower.

    "Otherwise, I don't think the memories will ever go away." V murmered, twisting around to return the now fervent ministrations by locking lips.

    "Don't have to trance." Zz'dtri said, pulling away momentarily "Just.. don't think."
    For the rest of the night, neither spoke. The only sounds in the dark were the soft rustle of cloth and, occasionally, a soft sigh.


    That's that section done.

    Next up: How will they escape the Evil lawers?
    So this occurs in police/lawyer custody?
    Thank you for posting this again, by the way.
    In Dungeons and Dragons, racism is frowned upon, unless you're playing an elf. Then it's an interesting character trait.

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  17. - Top - End - #287

    Default Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table

    I added the s because the bolded part was supposed to be taken as the answer, and a separate sentence. Guess I didn't make it clear enough.


    And yes, I am writing more crack fic.
    It's been a bit, GitP. If you're reading this, you're either digging through old stuff, or I've posted for the first time in forever.

    If you want to stay in touch, reach out to me on twitter (same username).

    The best answer is always to ask your DM.
    Unless you're the DM, in which case you should talk to your players.

  18. - Top - End - #288
    Ogre in the Playground
     
    Zanaril's Avatar

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table

    Quote Originally Posted by Bibliomancer View Post
    So this occurs in police/lawyer custody?
    Yea, it's a continuation of my fic on the previous page where V gets caught by the lawers for Raistlin-related copyright violation.
    Last edited by Zanaril; 2009-08-07 at 06:21 PM.
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  19. - Top - End - #289
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    Lira's Avatar

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table

    Quote Originally Posted by Zanaril View Post
    Chapter 2:
    Spoiler
    Show
    A slight breeze drifted though the barred window, catching a few strands of white hair. The elf shivered slightly, snuggling further into the arms of the warm being who lay next to him; a slight smile crossed dark lips, their owner deep in pleasant memories. The other elf, however, was not so restful. Features twisted into a frown, upleasant memories crossed unbidden behind closed eyes. Finally, these dark spectres of the past became to much, and with a gasp Vaarsuvius jerked awake and sat up, breathing heavily.

    ZZ'dtri opened bleary eyes. "Again?"

    Vaarsuvius nodded, then shivered and replaced the dislodged cloak around bare shoulders; under a makeshift blanket of cloaks and robes they were both naked. The dark elf sat up too, stifling a yawn, then wrapped his arms protectively around the other's shoulders.

    "Too many things I can't forget." Vaarsuvius sighed, leaning back and closing tired eyes. "I though it was bad before, when all I could focus on was how my magic had failed... how I'd failed. But now -" The elf trailed off, holding back a sob. Zz'dtri raised a hand, and gently touched the other's face.
    "Now all I can remember of is the fear in their eyes."

    "They'd forgive you if they understood." He muttered, replacing the hand with lips.

    "But I don't think they would." Vaarsuvius sighed again. "I made the decision to leave them long, long ago, even if I didn't realize at the time. I traded their love for my thirst for the arcane, then when I though I had finally proved my power, I expected it to be enough to replace actual devotion to my family." A slight, sad laugh "I abandon one thing for another all too readily, then expect forgiveness when it fails me. Look where I am now!"

    Zz'dtri paused in the process of gently nibbling a pointed ear, then shrugged when Vaarsuvius made no indication to stop. Dark hands left their place around the other's shoulders to stroke down thin sides.

    "I can't stay here, there's too many people who - who are depending on me, and not - ah!- not just my family." V turned a purple haired head towards Z'zdtri - tangled strands almost lilac in the low light - and burried a pained face in the side of his neck as his hands continued to move lower.

    "Otherwise, I don't think the memories will ever go away." V murmered, twisting around to return the now fervent ministrations by locking lips.

    "Don't have to trance." Zz'dtri said, pulling away momentarily "Just.. don't think."
    For the rest of the night, neither spoke. The only sounds in the dark were the soft rustle of cloth and, occasionally, a soft sigh.
    Zanaril, that was amazing. I love all the stories you've written so far.



    Also: I wouldn't mind compiling all these stories. I'll do it tonight.
    Credits to half-halfling for my adorable avatar.

    ...............................................

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  20. - Top - End - #290
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    Bibliomancer's Avatar

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table

    Quote Originally Posted by The Dark Fiddler View Post
    I added the s because the bolded part was supposed to be taken as the answer, and a separate sentence. Guess I didn't make it clear enough.


    And yes, I am writing more crack fic.
    Thanks for the clarification.

    Quote Originally Posted by Lira View Post
    Zanaril, that was amazing. I love all the stories you've written so far.



    Also: I wouldn't mind compiling all these stories. I'll do it tonight.
    This would be very useful for people who have not read the thread as it emerged. Thank you.
    Last edited by Bibliomancer; 2009-08-07 at 06:48 PM.
    In Dungeons and Dragons, racism is frowned upon, unless you're playing an elf. Then it's an interesting character trait.

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  21. - Top - End - #291

    Default Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table

    It's not as good as I'd like to be, but it's not bad, I think.

    I still prefer my CrystalxArgent one though.

    Diplomacy, Intimidate, Seduce - RoyxRedcloak
    Spoiler
    Show
    “Where’s Xykon?” Roy asked, slowing down just enough to cleave the final zombie in the room in half.
    “I’m afraid I do not know, Sir Greenshilt. He has simply disappeared… he is an epic spellcaster, you can never be sure of what they can do,” Vaarsuvius replied. Roy sighed.
    “Just great., this was our best chance to stop him, and we’ve failed! WE might never get a chance like this again!”
    “I don’t know Roy, we killed a lot of his minions, and even a wizard like him can’t just keep creating more,” the rogue, Haley said.
    “Unless he makes zombies,” Elan pointed out. Roy just sighed again.
    “Guys, we need to try and find him. Durkon, did you prepare Sending today?”
    “Aye lad.”
    “Good, and you V?”
    “I did indeed, Sir Greenhilt.”
    “Good, Haley, Elan, and Durkon, go east and search for Xykon. If you find him, contact us with Sending. I’ll take Belkar and Vaarsuvius, and if we find him, we’ll contact you,” Roy said, heading west with the elf and halfling following closely behind. They found nothing more than a few zombies and hobgoblins as they walked, and they were easily dispatched. Just as they were about to split up, they heard a voice.
    “Mass Inf-“
    “Hold Person.” Roy turned around to see Xykon’s most powerful Cleric on the ground, paralyzed, with Vaarsuvius smiling.
    “Christmas came early for ol’ Belkar!” Belkar said, lunging at the goblin. Roy grabbed Belkar quickly, holding him back.
    “Don’t even think about it, you little psychopath. We need him. He might be able to tell us where Xykon is…”
    --------------
    “Any luck V?” Roy asked, as the elf appeared.
    “No, Sir Greenhilt. He is not afraid of me, I cannot get any information from him. Perhaps you would fare better.”
    --------------
    “Ok, talk. Where is Xykon?” Roy asked, holding his sword in a threatening way.
    “Why would I tell you, human?” Redcloak spat.
    “Because you are tied up at the moment, and I have a sword.”
    “Your threats won’t work; I’ve suffered countless times under Xykon, both mentally and physically. You could say it’s granted me immunity to fear. And even if you did kill me, he’d simply have me resurrected; I am very valuable to him.” Roy shook his head, deciding to try a different approach.
    “If he’s so bad, why do you stay with him? I’m sure he doesn’t value you beyond how useful you are to him, but if you joined the good guys, you wouldn’t just be any Cleric, you know.”
    “He’s simply a tool; a way to reach my goal. And even though he is evil, and admittedly abusive, he does provide me with everything I need.”
    “Everything? There is nothing that we could get you that he does not provide?”
    “No, nothing.” Roy just sighed, this was getting him nowhere. There had to be something that Xykon didn’t give him. He obviously had no need for spellcasting aides, and he was obviously given enough food. Xykon has been a lich for at least a few decades, there had to be some things about being alive that he had forgotten. Roy scanned his memories, every memory, to see if he could find something. One memory stuck in his mind; Celia. It seemed so simple now!
    “Really? I bet I can think of… one thing that he hasn’t given you…” Roy said, slowly leaning nearer the Goblin’s face...
    It's been a bit, GitP. If you're reading this, you're either digging through old stuff, or I've posted for the first time in forever.

    If you want to stay in touch, reach out to me on twitter (same username).

    The best answer is always to ask your DM.
    Unless you're the DM, in which case you should talk to your players.

  22. - Top - End - #292
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    doliest's Avatar

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table

    Let’s see first we got (4,3) which rolled for the IFCC & Crystal aswell as snowed in for the plot device, so here we go.
    Spoiler
    Show

    Crystal sat in a tavern fifth teen miles outside of Thor knows where, she had been tracking Starshine for the last couple of weeks, but kept on remembering that you needed wisdom to actually track someone. She figured that if she kept going in one direction she’d find Starshine, but that wasn’t the only thing bugging her. She may not have a high enough wisdom to track Starshine but she had enough to pick up on the innuendo of what the halfing had said to her, and it was starting to bother her. Just as she was about to order another drink , three tall cloaked men walked into the tavern.

    “Why do we have to stop here?” One of them whined.

    “Because it’s snowing and we won’t be able to catch up with the elf and that red-haired rogue in the snow!” Another replied.

    Crystal shot up upon hearing the words, ‘red-haired rogue’ and smiled, thinking she could solve both problems at once. “Hey, I can help you with that!” She screamed at the tall figures, “But I have a price.”

    “And what would that be?” The third figure asked.

    “ This!” She replied, talking them to the ground, ‘Yep, gonna fix all my problems for now!’


    That was….disturbingly fun. LET’S GO AGAIN!


    (2,3) This time so wheel of immorality turn, turn, turn, show us what brain parts we shall burn!

    We’ve got…A genderswitched wind striker and the bandit king….MY BRAIN.
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    He looked at the cloaked figure that had killed his little girl, his ball of sunshine, his spoiled princess. His eyes though, were drawn behind the figure to the most beautiful horse he had ever seen, and for some strange reason he could fantasize it in a policeman’s outfit. As the figure sliced him apart, he knew he was going into the afterlife smiling.

    Okay that was NOT enjoyable.

    Okay one last time

    (2,1) So I got…Belkar & YokYok, with the conditions being Pink & white lace and someone’s a vampire…Okay this one might get me banned so time for the old subtlety
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    Belkar smiled as he took out his favorite head and put on his mother’s favorite frilley dress. This head had taught him two things the first being that certain activities with a dead head could lead to vampirism and the second that he had some issues to work out, but right now none of that mattered. All that mattered was that he was going to have some fun with his favorite kobold head.


    This is actually really fun, I'm going to do this again soon!
    Doliest's crimes against good taste
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    An Uwe Boll fan, and proud of it. LONG LIVE THE BOLL!

    Also a Michael Bay fan.

    Likes Jar Jar

    Likes FATAL..... No, I'm sorry, but no. Everything else on this list? I like, but while I've done many horrible things in my life, I WILL NOT claim to like FATAL.



    Let's Playing Final Fantasy with extreme prejudice

    Quote Originally Posted by Cracklord View Post
    Forgive me, Mr Tolkien. You do not deserve what I now do to you.

  23. - Top - End - #293
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    WhiteWizardGirl

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    Quote Originally Posted by Zanaril View Post
    That's your challenge. I don't think I could re-write the first chapter any differently.



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    A slight breeze drifted though the barred window, catching a few strands of white hair. The elf shivered slightly, snuggling further into the arms of the warm being who lay next to him; a slight smile crossed dark lips, their owner deep in pleasant memories. The other elf, however, was not so restful. Features twisted into a frown, upleasant memories crossed unbidden behind closed eyes. Finally, these dark spectres of the past became to much, and with a gasp Vaarsuvius jerked awake and sat up, breathing heavily.

    ZZ'dtri opened bleary eyes. "Again?"

    Vaarsuvius nodded, then shivered and replaced the dislodged cloak around bare shoulders; under a makeshift blanket of cloaks and robes they were both naked. The dark elf sat up too, stifling a yawn, then wrapped his arms protectively around the other's shoulders.

    "Too many things I can't forget." Vaarsuvius sighed, leaning back and closing tired eyes. "I though it was bad before, when all I could focus on was how my magic had failed... how I'd failed. But now -" The elf trailed off, holding back a sob. Zz'dtri raised a hand, and gently touched the other's face.
    "Now all I can remember of is the fear in their eyes."

    "They'd forgive you if they understood." He muttered, replacing the hand with lips.

    "But I don't think they would." Vaarsuvius sighed again. "I made the decision to leave them long, long ago, even if I didn't realize at the time. I traded their love for my thirst for the arcane, then when I though I had finally proved my power, I expected it to be enough to replace actual devotion to my family." A slight, sad laugh "I abandon one thing for another all too readily, then expect forgiveness when it fails me. Look where I am now!"

    Zz'dtri paused in the process of gently nibbling a pointed ear, then shrugged when Vaarsuvius made no indication to stop. Dark hands left their place around the other's shoulders to stroke down thin sides.

    "I can't stay here, there's too many people who - who are depending on me, and not - ah!- not just my family." V turned a purple haired head towards Z'zdtri - tangled strands almost lilac in the low light - and burried a pained face in the side of his neck as his hands continued to move lower.

    "Otherwise, I don't think the memories will ever go away." V murmered, twisting around to return the now fervent ministrations by locking lips.

    "Don't have to trance." Zz'dtri said, pulling away momentarily "Just.. don't think."
    For the rest of the night, neither spoke. The only sounds in the dark were the soft rustle of cloth and, occasionally, a soft sigh.
    Awwwwww...

    Damn it! Nooo!

    Well, now I want to challenge myself to some crack. Let's see... *rerolls* ...A certain character seems to like sticking to me.

    Okay, in honor of a friend of mine, I think I'm going to try to imitate her style. Here's what I got so far.

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    Belkar’s eyes opened slowly and he smiled a little when he saw the naked creature in his arms. Big, calculating eyes were staring up at his face, trying to piece together the situation.

    “You look like you’re actually trying to make this make sense.”

    “…” His partner’s mouth opened slightly to speak, but Belkar slowly dipped his head forward, kissing the crook of the slender creature’s neck. A soft surprised gasp sounded in his ear and the body in his arms shivered. His partner’s scent was sticking to him, grabbing his attention, twisting him around its little non-existent finger. He gently dragged his lips up a slender neck, smirking mentally at the shivers, gasps, and moans that he elicited, and stopped at a little pointed ear, biting the lobe gently before nipping the tip.

    “Ah!” A heated body arched against his, slender arms wrapping around him. “Time is short… should be leaving …”

    “Why? Not like either of us have someplace to be.” Belkar nipped the pointy tip of the ear again, smirking when it provoked a soft moan. His partner apparently agreed because he felt elegant hands slowly go to his hips, holding him closer, and he felt the slender body move with barely concealed eagerness.

    The halfling kissed the pulse point in his partner’s neck, licking it lightly. He was rewarded with a soft cry, and he felt the slender body against his heat up slowly. He took a quick moment to note how odd the situation was. Of all people, he would have never imagined himself in bed with this one. But the person drove him crazy and maybe, just maybe, assuming he had drank enough, he would admit that he liked the slender creature for something a little more than sex. But it wasn’t like that mattered much. This was a one-night stand. It couldn’t be something else.

    Either way, Belkar didn’t need to think too much for the next hour.

    With a final cry and a few convulsions, both were thoroughly exhausted. Belkar and his partner lay back down, the slender creature putting a head just under the halfling’s chin.

    “Should leave, soon.”

    “Why?”

    Zz’dtri glanced up, fingering Belkar’s hand. “You have people to return to.”

    “Don’t you?”

    “No.”


    Oh yeah. I went there.


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    Nothing is ever inhuman for, no matter how heinous the crime, one can always find a human willing to commit it. ~Unknown


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    I'm a Neutral Good Human Druid (1st Level)

    Ability Scores:
    Strength- 12
    Dexterity- 13
    Constitution- 13
    Intelligence- 14
    Wisdom- 11
    Charisma- 11

    Look here to see what D&D character you are!

  24. - Top - End - #294
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    Zanaril's Avatar

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table

    Quote Originally Posted by Bibliomancer View Post
    This would be very useful for people who have not read the thread as it emerged. Thank you.
    Lira's doing it now, not me.



    Oops, looks like it's my bedtime now. I'm getting confused.
    Last edited by Zanaril; 2009-08-07 at 07:10 PM.
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  25. - Top - End - #295
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    Default Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table

    Quote Originally Posted by Zanaril View Post
    Lira's doing it now, not me.
    That was why I posted that under a quote from Lira. I apologize if that was unclear.
    In Dungeons and Dragons, racism is frowned upon, unless you're playing an elf. Then it's an interesting character trait.

    Avatar by Darwin.

  26. - Top - End - #296

    Default Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table

    Quote Originally Posted by Zen_Heart View Post
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    Belkar’s eyes opened slowly and he smiled a little when he saw the naked creature in his arms. Big, calculating eyes were staring up at his face, trying to piece together the situation.

    “You look like you’re actually trying to make this make sense.”

    “…” His partner’s mouth opened slightly to speak, but Belkar slowly dipped his head forward, kissing the crook of the slender creature’s neck. A soft surprised gasp sounded in his ear and the body in his arms shivered. His partner’s scent was sticking to him, grabbing his attention, twisting him around its little non-existent finger. He gently dragged his lips up a slender neck, smirking mentally at the shivers, gasps, and moans that he elicited, and stopped at a little pointed ear, biting the lobe gently before nipping the tip.

    “Ah!” A heated body arched against his, slender arms wrapping around him. “Time is short… should be leaving …”

    “Why? Not like either of us have someplace to be.” Belkar nipped the pointy tip of the ear again, smirking when it provoked a soft moan. His partner apparently agreed because he felt elegant hands slowly go to his hips, holding him closer, and he felt the slender body move with barely concealed eagerness.

    The halfling kissed the pulse point in his partner’s neck, licking it lightly. He was rewarded with a soft cry, and he felt the slender body against his heat up slowly. He took a quick moment to note how odd the situation was. Of all people, he would have never imagined himself in bed with this one. But the person drove him crazy and maybe, just maybe, assuming he had drank enough, he would admit that he liked the slender creature for something a little more than sex. But it wasn’t like that mattered much. This was a one-night stand. It couldn’t be something else.

    Either way, Belkar didn’t need to think too much for the next hour.

    With a final cry and a few convulsions, both were thoroughly exhausted. Belkar and his partner lay back down, the slender creature putting a head just under the halfling’s chin.

    “Should leave, soon.”

    “Why?”

    Zz’dtri glanced up, fingering Belkar’s hand. “You have people to return to.”

    “Don’t you?”

    “No.”


    Oh yeah. I went there.
    That is a weird pairing, to say the least.

    Quote Originally Posted by doliest View Post
    (2,3) This time so wheel of immorality turn, turn, turn, show us what brain parts we shall burn!
    Ahh, Animaniacs. You were canceled well before your time.
    It's been a bit, GitP. If you're reading this, you're either digging through old stuff, or I've posted for the first time in forever.

    If you want to stay in touch, reach out to me on twitter (same username).

    The best answer is always to ask your DM.
    Unless you're the DM, in which case you should talk to your players.

  27. - Top - End - #297
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    Default Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table

    Quote Originally Posted by Zen_Heart View Post
    Oh yeah. I went there.
    I envy your ability to write pairings without making them too sappy.
    This post may contain sarcasm.
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  28. - Top - End - #298
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    WhiteWizardGirl

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table

    Quote Originally Posted by Zanaril View Post
    I envy your ability to write pairings without making them too sappy.
    Thank you?


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    Nothing is ever inhuman for, no matter how heinous the crime, one can always find a human willing to commit it. ~Unknown


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    I'm a Neutral Good Human Druid (1st Level)

    Ability Scores:
    Strength- 12
    Dexterity- 13
    Constitution- 13
    Intelligence- 14
    Wisdom- 11
    Charisma- 11

    Look here to see what D&D character you are!

  29. - Top - End - #299
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    doliest's Avatar

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    Okay going off of the other table we have 2&4 so books & realife, that won’t be so bad…….
    I got Dracula and ME, snowed in the afterlife with it being true love and a love/hate relationship…I hate this so much, but I’m obligated to write a minimum of 500 words.

    Part 1
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    Doliest looked around, staring at the snow covered clouds glistening in the non-existant sunlight. He stared around for a while before saying, “So there is an afterlife huh? Okay this disproves my atheism, but if there is an afterlife then how did I end up in the good place? Or was Dante right and I’m just going to slowly freeze but never die?”

    “Neither, my love!” Doliest turned around to see a pale cloaked figure walking towards him.

    “Who exactly are you, and why are you professing your love to me like this is some poorly-written fanfic?” Doliest called back, slowly backing away from an oncoming figure.

    “My name is, Dracula, and you are my one and only love. You were sentenced to the pits but I could not allow my love to rot in such a terrible place so I saved you.” The self-proclaimed Dracula said with a now obvious Hungarian accent.

    “No offense but I’m not gay, I mean at all.” Doliest replied looking around desperately for a weapon, any weapon to fight off the oncoming vampire.

    “Don’t worry my love, you shall learn.” Dracula said, now looming over Doliest face-to-face. Dracula continued to stare down at Doliest for a few more moments before bending down and biting him on the neck. Doliest struggled against the vampire, but he felt the vampire’s saliva dripping into his blood carrying with it the vampire’s curse and his power. As it continued Doliest began to lose sight of why he was struggling and even stopped and noticed that the snow made Dracula look ever so elegant. He shook his head, ’NO! I don’t like men, vampires, or Edward Cullen! I can’t go out like this!’ Doliest pushed Dracula away, stumbling for a few more steps before falling face-flat into the snow.

    His last audible words before Dracula descended on him to finish what he had started where, “So turns out Dante was wrong, Hell is actually being molested by vampires, who knew?”


    If you’re sick enough to have liked that then I’m probably going to continue it, right after I bleach my eyes so the images stop.
    Last edited by doliest; 2009-08-07 at 07:53 PM.
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    An Uwe Boll fan, and proud of it. LONG LIVE THE BOLL!

    Also a Michael Bay fan.

    Likes Jar Jar

    Likes FATAL..... No, I'm sorry, but no. Everything else on this list? I like, but while I've done many horrible things in my life, I WILL NOT claim to like FATAL.



    Let's Playing Final Fantasy with extreme prejudice

    Quote Originally Posted by Cracklord View Post
    Forgive me, Mr Tolkien. You do not deserve what I now do to you.

  30. - Top - End - #300
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    No snuggling here, just plot advancement.

    Chapter 2.5
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    "Hey elveses! Breakfast time!" Phil chirped, knocking on the door with his free hand. He paused, then frowned in confusion when there was silence from within the cell. "Elvses?" He queried again, looking worredly through the door hatch at the apparently empty cell.

    "Aww, please don't have escaped, Mr. Jones will be really angry at me!" He hurredly put the tray down and unlocked the cell door, fumbling with the keys in his haste.

    Panicking, he poked his head round the door "Hello? Are you in h- oof!" and was knocked onto the floor by Zz'dtri fist, both elves having been standing against the wall out of sight. Quickly, they dragged the unfortune lawyer completely into the cell.

    "Let me go!" Phil began struggling, prompting Varsuvius to sit on him while Zz'dtri tied his hands and feet tightly with strips of cloth torn from their cloaks. "I'm gonna tell!" The trussed up lawyer started whinging.

    "Gag?" Zz'dtri queried, clamping a hand over his mouth to muffle the sound, but Vaarsuvius indicated for him to step away and knelt down in front of the lawyer.

    "Where are our spellbooks?" The red robed Elf asked.

    "Not telling! Mr. Jones would get really, really mad at me!"

    "We won't inform him that you told us of their location. However if you don't, we will get mad at you." Phil glanced between the two of them. They met his gaze with cold eyes.

    "They're in his the office on the next floor. But no-one else is allowed in there!"

    "We'll take that chance." Vaarsuvius stood, picking up the dropped ring of keys. Both elves then walked out of the cell, shutting the door behind them. A key scraped in the lock.

    "I recommend you remain quiet, otherwise your associate will discover our absence." Varsuvius shouted back as the two hurried away.

    "Hey! Don't leave me alone in here! It's scary."

    ***

    The rough stone corridor led them to a stairway, which led up to another corridor, but this one with a faded carpet covering the floor. Each elf went over to once side and began checking for one that looked like an office. The third one Vaarsuvius came across lacked a window hatch, so the elf cautiously opened the door a crack, peered in, then let out a sigh when it became apparent the room was empty and opened the door fully. Zz'dtri hurried over.

    "Just cells on that side."

    "This must be where he meant. We must depart here as soon as we are able, so begin searching the far side of the room while I look over here." With that, Vaarsuvius headed over to the large desk and, after a distastful look at the anachronistic computer, began rummaging through the draws.

    Zz'dtri started opening the metal cabnets along the opposite wall, most of which were full of files. The first few were full of files, but then he can across one which was locked.

    "Keys! Any keys?"

    Vaarsuvius looked around, then, spotting a small set of keys that had been dislodged in searching, tossed them over. Zz'dtri quickly ran through them until he found one that fit. He pulled it open, too see a jumble of assorted items - and their spellbooks.

    "Yes! Here!" He exclamed grabbing the books as Vaarsuvius hurried over, then passing the other elf the unfamiliar one. He was gathering up the few scrolls that were also there, when suddenly an earsplitting siren started, startling both of them.

    "Damnation! They must have discovered that idiot in the cell!" Vaarsuvius shouted over the noise, standing up and hurrying to the door. Zz'dtri scooped up the scrolls and quickly followed. Footfall could be heard in the distance, comming closer every second.

    V grabbed a few of the scrolls and began flicking through them. "There has to be one here..."



    I now have an idea how to to end this. Hooray!
    Last edited by Zanaril; 2009-08-08 at 01:56 PM.
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