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  1. - Top - End - #421
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    xelliea's Avatar

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table

    Is the banner going to be like that pic in the story... great!

  2. - Top - End - #422
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    Moofin Bard's Avatar

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table

    I just rolled something I HAVE to write.
    It's epic.

    Belkar x Mr. Scruffy
    Pregnancy
    Spoiler
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    Neutral itP
    Couple itP
    Pyrope FwM pony

  3. - Top - End - #423
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    TheBibliophile's Avatar

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table

    For my first go I'm gonna keep going until I get something vaguely plausible. Here goes!

    Okay, first roll: Ancient Black Dragon x Dragon's Hoard. Anyone skilled want to try this for me?

    Second go: Diago x Roy's Archon. Nope.

    Third go: Xykon x Miko. All right. I'm doing it. I can't believe myself, but I'm actually doing it. This might take me a while, but it'll get done eventually.
    Amazingly cool avatar by Mauve Shirt. May she ever be promoted and not demoted! *promotes*
    Books are a mind-altering substance. Therefore, I am high all the time.
    My old avatars. Thanks, y'all!
    Some poetry I've written. Constructive criticism warmly welcomed.

  4. - Top - End - #424
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    Moofin Bard's Avatar

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table

    Bam. That was fun.

    How they found out Mr. Scruffy was Mrs. Scruffy Part 1:
    Spoiler
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    Belkar woke up one morning feeling strange. He couldn’t remember anything that had happened the previous night. All he did know was that he had fallen asleep naked and now he was awake…and still naked. His companion Mr. Scruffy must have heard him wake up because he was now on the bed and walking towards him. “Hello Mr. Scruffy!” Belkar said. Mr. Scruffy just meowed and started to lick Belkar in a place that he wasn’t too sure was appropriate.

    “Mr. Scruffy stop that!” he said but he really didn’t want him to. It felt so good, so right, and making him kind of aroused. Belkar leaned up on one elbow and looked at Mr. Scruffy. He seemed to be enjoying himself well enough. Belkar was supposed to be cheating at life after all. He supposed if it just happened once, it would be okay. As long as no one found out about it. But how would they? Mr. Scruffy couldn’t talk and he wasn’t about to tell anyone.

    He sat up slowly as not to disturb the still licking cat. Then he started to gently pet Mr. Scruffy’s head. Mr. Scruffy seemed to like that because he started purring while continuing to lick. Belkar didn’t exactly know how to proceed with this. Bestiality wasn’t exactly his thing. Mostly he just went for really hot women. He started to scratch Mr. Scruffy behind the ears. “It’s okay Mr. Scruffy. This is new for me too. But I’m sure we’ll both enjoy it.” Mr. Scruffy looked up at him and meowed.
    Spoiler
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    Neutral itP
    Couple itP
    Pyrope FwM pony

  5. - Top - End - #425
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    Zanaril's Avatar

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table

    Quote Originally Posted by xelliea View Post
    Is the banner going to be like that pic in the story... great!
    The picture in there isn't very expressive, so I did another picture.



    I could make one with the Undead V if you'd prefer.
    Last edited by Zanaril; 2009-08-11 at 03:17 PM.
    This post may contain sarcasm.
    DeviantArt

  6. - Top - End - #426
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    TheBibliophile's Avatar

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table

    Wow. That's great, but I still prefer the V x Zz'dtri one.
    Amazingly cool avatar by Mauve Shirt. May she ever be promoted and not demoted! *promotes*
    Books are a mind-altering substance. Therefore, I am high all the time.
    My old avatars. Thanks, y'all!
    Some poetry I've written. Constructive criticism warmly welcomed.

  7. - Top - End - #427
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    xelliea's Avatar

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table

    Quote Originally Posted by Zanaril View Post
    The picture in there isn't very expressive, so I did another picture.



    I could make one with the Undead V if you'd prefer.
    Undead one would be great if you have the time.

  8. - Top - End - #428
    Troll in the Playground
     
    WhiteWizardGirl

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table

    Quote Originally Posted by Nerdanel View Post
    I decided to do a supplemental table:

    Roll 1d20 for a plot device to spice up your pairing:

    1. One-sided love
    2. Love potion
    3. Being very drunk
    4. Snowed in
    5. Stuck on a desert island
    6. In the afterlife
    7. Aliens Made Them Do It (not necessarily literal aliens)
    8. True love
    9. Love/hate relationship
    10. Adultery
    11. Pregnancy (use male pregnancy if needed)
    12. Pink frills and white lace
    13. French maid costume
    14. Police/military uniform
    15. High heels and black leather
    16. American high school setting
    17. Someone is a vampire
    18. Everyone is a furry version of themselves
    19. Something not PG enough to mention on this board
    20. Roll again twice

    For example, my first attempt resulted in pairing Windstriker/the really dangerous trap using drunkenness as a plot device. The things a paladin horse can do while really drunk...
    I think Arranged Marriage would be another plot device.

  9. - Top - End - #429
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    Zanaril's Avatar

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table

    Here you go!


    I think that's enough banners for today.

    Quote Originally Posted by Moofin Bard View Post
    Bam. That was fun.

    How they found out Mr. Scruffy was Mrs. Scruffy Part 1:
    Why am I now imagining lots of furry Belkar kittens?
    Last edited by Zanaril; 2009-08-11 at 03:30 PM.
    This post may contain sarcasm.
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  10. - Top - End - #430
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    Milskidasith's Avatar

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table

    Taking out the Erfworld characters from my previous super roll, I have this:

    An adulterous relationship between Hinjo, Yor, Belkar, Thor's Might Durkon, Flesh Golem Roy, Mr. Scruffy, Miko, Lord Kubota, Julia Greenhilt, The Orc Chieftain, The IFCC, and all the demon roaches.

    A banner of that would be amazing. But... yeah, it would be pretty insane. >_<

    I like the current banners; can we get them all posted on page 1?

  11. - Top - End - #431

    Default Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table

    Quote Originally Posted by Zanaril View Post
    Why am I now imagining lots of furry Belkar kittens?
    The ultimate Level 1 Wizard and Commoner killer!
    It's been a bit, GitP. If you're reading this, you're either digging through old stuff, or I've posted for the first time in forever.

    If you want to stay in touch, reach out to me on twitter (same username).

    The best answer is always to ask your DM.
    Unless you're the DM, in which case you should talk to your players.

  12. - Top - End - #432
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    Taekwondodo's Avatar

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table

    Right didn't take me as long as I thought so here it is Hinjo x Zz'dtri, french maid outfit. Enjoy!!!

    Spoiler
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    “Try again!” Hinjo cried as he flicked the practice sword back to the panting wreck sprawled on the ground, “and hit me this time!”

    Rather than reaching for the sword, Hinjo’s opponent instead kneeled in front of him and bowed his head.

    “Lord, I yield. Your power and speed is too great for one such as I. My wit was slow and my tongue too quick when I insulted your leadership, please forgive me.”

    “Remember this and hold your tongue in future for next time we fight with blades of steel! Now get out of my sight.”

    His defeated opponent scurried off. His apology may have sounded sincere but in his mind this humiliation demanded only one thing, vengeance. However, he knew that he could not attack Hinjo head on; this sparring match had proved that. He needed another method...

    X x x

    “So you know what you are supposed to do?”

    “Kill Hinjo.”

    “Yes. He has just finished training so he should be in his quarters. To avoid suspicion from his guards and sneak in you should wear this maid’s outfit.”

    Zz’dtri looked at it for a moment then shrugged. As long as he was getting paid for this he would wear anything.

    x x x

    Letting himself into Hinjo’s quarters he looked around. The guards had been easily fooled by his outfit but now to the main show. Hearing water running in the other room he decided that his mark must be showering and so headed in that direction. Creeping into the bathing room, he was raising his hands in readiness to cast a spell that would turn Hinjo into a pile of dust to be washed down the drain when he saw the man he had been sent to kill. Standing under the cascade of water his body seemed to glow with the essence of masculinity. Maybe it was the outfit he was wearing but Zz’dtri had never felt this way before about anyone. he must have made some noise as Hinjo spun round startled and saw him standing there. Grabbing up his sword which was never far from his hand he knocked Zz’dtri backwards and stood over him sword raised (not a euphemism).

    “Drow! Have you come to kill me?”

    “Was, not now.”

    “Not now?” Hinjo asked confused.

    “Saw standing there, felt...things. Going to kill me?”

    Staring down at the submissive Drow in the french maid outfit Hijo felt his ardour rise. He’d always had a thing for lace.

    “Maybe there’s something else we can do.”
    Last edited by Taekwondodo; 2009-08-11 at 03:36 PM.
    Avatar by me...yup that's how good my drawing is. As in not very good.

    Crack-Pairings, Not Dead Just Moved. Someone Hasn't Been Looking In The Right Places.


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    Quote Originally Posted by Caleniel View Post
    Taekwondodo - your nick and your avatar are terrific. I want to award you something... how about enough melons to see you through the next ice age?

  13. - Top - End - #433
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    xelliea's Avatar

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table

    Quote Originally Posted by Zanaril View Post
    Here you go!


    I think that's enough banners for today.


    Why am I now imagining lots of furry Belkar kittens?
    so many great banners, i can't choose!!!

  14. - Top - End - #434

    Default Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table

    Quote Originally Posted by Milskidasith View Post
    I like the current banners; can we get them all posted on page 1?
    In a bit. It's too hot for any work right now. Even something as simple as this.
    It's been a bit, GitP. If you're reading this, you're either digging through old stuff, or I've posted for the first time in forever.

    If you want to stay in touch, reach out to me on twitter (same username).

    The best answer is always to ask your DM.
    Unless you're the DM, in which case you should talk to your players.

  15. - Top - End - #435
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    TheBibliophile's Avatar

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table

    Okay, here it is: my first foray into the world of crack pairings!

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    Miko was torn, kicking and screaming, from the afterlife, where she had been working in the Lawful Good Tavern of Infinite One-Night Stands, where you apparently went if you were a sexy ex-paladin. She opened her eyes to see a skull staring back at her. Immediately, she remembered it. The evil lich Xykon, the ally of the evil Greenhilt and his Order of the Stick! She leapt up from the ground and threw a punch at Xykon, crying "Smite Evil!" However, she never connected, because halfway through her leap, the lich cast Hold Person, and she fell to the ground, paralysed. She cried defiantly, "Why have you resurrected me, lich? Come to torture me for information about the Sapphire Guard? I'll tell you nothing, by the Twelve Gods! Not even if you extract my fingernails one by one with white-hot pokers!"
    "Nice idea, but no," said the lich, his expression unreadable due to his head being a skull. "No, I was bored, and I suddenly remembered you. You're a plucky little paladin, ain't you?"
    "What do you want with me, spawn of evil?"
    "That's quite simple," said Xykon, advancing towards the prone paladin. "I suddenly remembered exactly how sexy you were. I couldn't really tell before with those clothes you Sapphire Guard-types wear, but now... Miko looked down for the first time and noticed that she was wearing a sort of armoured bikini. Very impractical, her old mind thought, while another part of her that had awoken in the Tavern thought "Ooh, don't I look good". Xykon continued his advance, and suddenly Miko stopped trying to be a paladin and gave in.
    "Come here, skully-boy, show me what'cha got," she murmured seductively, pulling off Xykon's robes...


    Hey, this is fun! Rolling again...

    Roll#1 Horace Greenhilt x Roy's sword. No.

    Roll#2 The Cliffport chief of police x Vaarsuvius. All right...
    Last edited by TheBibliophile; 2009-08-11 at 03:52 PM.
    Amazingly cool avatar by Mauve Shirt. May she ever be promoted and not demoted! *promotes*
    Books are a mind-altering substance. Therefore, I am high all the time.
    My old avatars. Thanks, y'all!
    Some poetry I've written. Constructive criticism warmly welcomed.

  16. - Top - End - #436
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    Taekwondodo's Avatar

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table

    Brrrr... I bow to Moofin Bard as the mistress of crack pairings. I just read her Belkar x Mr Scruffy pt 1... V. v. wrong. Well done!
    Last edited by Taekwondodo; 2009-08-11 at 03:52 PM.
    Avatar by me...yup that's how good my drawing is. As in not very good.

    Crack-Pairings, Not Dead Just Moved. Someone Hasn't Been Looking In The Right Places.


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    Quote Originally Posted by Caleniel View Post
    Taekwondodo - your nick and your avatar are terrific. I want to award you something... how about enough melons to see you through the next ice age?

  17. - Top - End - #437
    Dwarf in the Playground
     
    Moofin Bard's Avatar

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table

    Heh heh heh...
    I just roll the most interesting and fun to write pairings.
    My first one wasn't too good...but that's because there were five characters involved.
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    Pyrope FwM pony

  18. - Top - End - #438
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    Cracklord's Avatar

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table

    Quote Originally Posted by TheBibliophile View Post
    Yay, my banner works! Nice job, Zanaril!

    Any tips on writing fanfic? I've tried, but it just doesn't come naturally to me. Advice would be appreciated.
    Try not to make stuff up totally from scratch, very few people can do that, instead link it to your own real experiences. Describe what the characters are feeling, what they look like, their mannerisms ect. Try to visualise what you are writing, and write about characters you can understand and/or relate to.

    Use your own experiences as a starting point.

    Of course, it does leave something to be desired, as my own writing shows, when you can't relate to certain emotions and have no experience in homoeroticism or whatever.
    Last edited by Cracklord; 2009-08-11 at 05:33 PM.
    Nadir We,
    Youth Born,
    Blood Letters,
    Axe Weilders,
    Victors Still.

  19. - Top - End - #439
    Halfling in the Playground
     
    badam104172's Avatar

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table

    awright.
    I got Hinjo on Argent.
    Equus style.
    Spoiler
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    Hinjo walked into his new quarters on the island.
    He proceeded to the small cot in the corner, sitting down and holding his head in his hands.
    He felt alone. After days of organization and building, he had discovered that he missed having a fellow paladin like Lien or O-Chul. He needed a friend... One who had been there when the city was taken and understood what he was going through.
    He pulled a small red and white sphere out of his cloak, toying with the idea... thinking... In a split second, he had made his decision. He threw the sphere onto the ground, revealing its occupant.
    "Argent..." He said with a loving caress in his voice...
    Argent growled affectionately as Hinjo pulled off his shirt, revealing his muscled chest.
    "It's good to see you, boy." he continued as he pulled the door shut...

    Holy shiz. This is just weird...
    Give a man a match, keep him warm for a minute. Set a man on fire, keep him warm for the rest of his life.

  20. - Top - End - #440
    Pixie in the Playground
     
    Pandora's Avatar

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table

    Quote Originally Posted by Zanaril View Post
    Here you go!
    This banner is simply delightful! I may use it if that's ok I envy your ability with oots-style art :P

  21. - Top - End - #441
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    Moofin Bard's Avatar

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table

    Hmmm I'm thinking we'll gloss over the icky bits and end with the cat being pregnant.
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    Pyrope FwM pony

  22. - Top - End - #442
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    xelliea's Avatar

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table

    I have put all the other great banners behind a spoiler!

  23. - Top - End - #443
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    Forevernade's Avatar

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table

    Rollin......... Rollin......... AH!

    Flesh Golem Roy x Crystal

    http://www.giantitp.com/comics/oots0580.html

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    His rigid flesh seemed so alive under the press of my eager fingers. Although there was no pulse that coursed through him, I fancied that his veins breathed beneath my touch, that they gasped in ecstasy as I traced a path along their raised blue exquisiteness, that I had with my devout worship brought him back into the land of the living from the realm of the dead. My consciousness, waking to his cold bone, was simply another realization of his true beauty, each and every layer of his essence an addition to my vocabulary of lust.
    Had he been alive, though, I would not have been there with him. He would be gallivanting about with the devil-bitch Haley, forever out of my reach.

    I found his body among the muck and debris of Mr Grubwiggler's place just a few hours ago whilst on a protection run around the Western side of the city, and to my pleasure I was there to watch the process of Roy's re-creation. Grubwiggler's security system kicked in as the theft took place, and it was my occupation's responsibility to watch through the tapes. It was a beautiful thing. An entrancing process, Grubwiggler's fingers dancing about over his slick and oiled bone, humidity in the air and a chorus of thunder predominating the storm ahead.

    And there I was, alone in the dark castle. I straddled him, pressing my wet palms to his chest and leaned over him, gazing at his static beauty. I could wait no longer to kiss his raw, brazen teeth, which were conveniently parted in a maniacal grin as if they welcomed the warmth of my lips. His cold shocked my hot mouth and made me gasp but I did not stop. My pleasure fulfilled, my mind turned to Haley.

    I have stolen her love, and now I shall steal her life...

    http://www.giantitp.com/comics/oots0581.html


    There we go, some parts stolen, but only because I couldn't have written any better.
    Last edited by Forevernade; 2009-08-12 at 04:44 AM.

  24. - Top - End - #444
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    Zanaril's Avatar

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table

    Quote Originally Posted by Forevernade View Post
    Rollin......... Rollin......... AH!

    Flesh Golem Roy x Crystal
    There we go, some parts stolen, but only because I couldn't have written any better.
    Dare I ask... stolen from where? Or rather what?
    Last edited by Zanaril; 2009-08-12 at 02:43 AM.
    This post may contain sarcasm.
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  25. - Top - End - #445
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    Weimann's Avatar

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table

    And it is done! Now here's a challenge: can you figure out which characters are featuring?

    Chapter 1
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    As she entered Greysky City, she instinctively wondered what she was doing there. Already on the trail leading into town, she had seen proof of the city's debrauchery, with beggars, drunkards and women of highly negotiable affection peddling ther trade (except for the drunkards, who just slept and occationally threw bottles). Back home was a world away from this, she pondered, a watchful eye on on her surroundings as she walked up the street. Her home village, a sleepy little hamlet where the idea of breaking news was getting word that farmer Hendricsson's sow had caught syphilis, did admittedly liven up conciderably when the odd group of adventurers happened to pass by, but those cases were few and far between. This place looked like it was constantly beset by villains.

    She puffed, putting the heavy sack she was carrying down on the ground and brushing her platina blonde, shoulder length hair out of her face. Her new place should be here somewhere... because this was the main street, right? She looked around and heaved a sigh. The city was hopelessly big for a newcomer, and she was getting tired of lugging the big stupid sack around.

    "Pardon me, my lady?" She jumped at the address, her head snapping in the direction of the sound and her hiardo dislodging itself, so that she had to correct it again. When she did, her gaze landed on a male specimen. His hair was orange, short but not cropped, and looked like it had heard of the concept behind a comb but never really understood it. He was dressed in brown pants, some kind of soft boots and a black silk shirt with the first two buttons strategically undone. His face was cleanshaven and his smile was very inviting.

    "Y-yes?" she spluttered out, then quickly caught herself. The man admittedly had a definate rougish look to him that he carried very well, but, as she swiftly reminded herself, she was no scarecrow either. She wore a purple top that went well with her straight, platina blonde hair and a short black skirt that reached about halfway down her supple thighs. Convinced that she packed more than enough punch to not be intimidated by some glorified scoundrel, she tucked the loose hair neatly behind her ear and shot off an inquiring make-it-quick look. "Did you want anything?"

    "Oh, no, sorry to bother you." He rose from the wall he had been leaning on and took a few steps towards her. When he walked, she could see the shirt stretch flatly against his chest, molding it in black silk. It wasn't unpleasant at all. "I just thought you looked like you were lost. New to town?" He glanced at the sack as he asked, then shifted his gaze to her face, the smile on his lips speaking volumes about something, but she wasn't sure about exactly what.

    "Why do you ask?" She inquired, keeping her impatient, suspicious expression sculpted like stone on her face. The mysterious smile made her uncertain, but she was not about to let him see that. She took a few steps backwards as he approached, which made him stop his advancement. He sighed, shrugged and gave her an exasperated look.

    "Well, let's see. In an other city than Greysky, I could, by some stretch of the imaginiation, have noticed your bewildered look and thought that I, being a longtime resident, might know where your desired location is situated. But, seeing as this IS Greysky, I'm just a rapist like everyone else." Turning around, her tossed a hand into the air in an irritated gesture of goodbye.

    "Uh." She wasn't really sure how to reply to that. Provided her actualy was honest, he'd understandably be dissed by that. The city WAS known for it's high crime rate, so of course one would be catious, but every single individual couldn't be crooked. It just wasn't possible.

    And... that smile...

    "Wait... wait!" She called after him, making him stop on his way and throw a surprised glance over his shoulder. Picking up her sack, she walked up to him, her expression a bit softer as he turned to face her. "I... I'm sorry, I didn't mean to come across so... eh, bitchy," she blubbered out. "It's just, as you said, this IS Greysky City and... ehe?" She smiled testingly.

    "Yeah, yeah, I know the deal. Sorry I snapped like that." He sighed, the corners of his mouth creeping upwards once more. "It's common sense to be on your toes 'round here. I'm used to it. So were you going anywhere? Or did I in fact bother you in vain?" he asked her in a friendly tone, the annoyance having seemingly ran off him like water off a goose. He was smiling again. She liked that.

    "Since you took the trouble, I was looking for 21 Market Square," she replied as she once again reached down to shoulder her sack. She was a second late, however, as his hand darted down, grippd it and easily tossed it over his back.

    "Really? My house is just on the way there. I'll walk you a bit of the way?" His intonation made it a question, but she already nodded in agreement, another bunch of hairstrands fluttering loose and dangling in front of her face as she smiled up at the slightly taller man. He then reached out with his free hand and brushed the wayward hair back behind her ear.

    "That's cute," he chuckled, his fingertips tracing the softness of her cheek and a soft sigh escpaing her slightly parted lips at the touch. He grinned, almost enough to produce an additional sigh, and she could feel a heat in her chest that made it a little hard to breathe properly. "Shall we?" He offered when she made no signs of moving volutarily, and once the question registered, she eagerly accepted. She got a little flustered when she realized he meant walking, but in her head, she had already made up her mind. They should.

    Chapter 2
    Spoiler
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    On their way, he told her about what other things made Greysky famous, apart from the top record in back alley muggings for 15 years running. He did most of this talking, while she assumed the role of the attentive listener who regularly came with interested follow-up questions. The reason for this was thricefold:
    1) she really could use some info on the city, seeing as she lived there now,
    2) she was busy checking his butt out, but mostly
    3) she was hesitant to share any personal information with a guy she had met not 30 minutes ago, no matter how cute. If she wanted to make it in the big city, she would have to leave the farmer girl behind. She had a blank sheet now, and she was going to write a drastically different story here than back home. She giggled to herself when she thought about what the people back there would have said if they saw her do what she was intending to do now. Because yeah, everyone WOULD have known by tomorrow. Every. Single. One.

    "...which has a very impressive decour, I think. Oh look, here's my place." He pointed up at a building that seemed to be an apartment complex. It looked old, but relatively well kept. "Market Square is just down the road," he pointed that way instead, "for another couple of blocks, then right as you come to Sausage Lane and down that street for a few more blocks. Yeah, it's a bit to go." He turned to her. "Hey, you wouldn't want-" he began, but she interrupted him.

    "You don't think it would be okay if I came in a for a bit?" She nodded at his apartment. "It sounds like a long way to go, and my feet are kind of tired." She noticed his surprised look, then the broad grin that spread over his lips as he opened the door, made a flourishing, inviting gesture and rapidly followed her inside, the sack bobbing on his back.

    "Here we are," he called out as she passed a scruffily looking door. Putting the sack down, he fished up the keys from his pocket and unlocked. She expected a mess, but what met her was actually passable as tidy if you didn't have to high standards. "You'll have to forgive the state of the place, I so seldom get visitors," her excused himself, his back to her as he heaved the sack inside, planted it in a corner and locked the door behind them, placing the keys on a hook by the door. She stifled a giggle at the comment; yeah, a smooth talker like him was sure to be a lonely fellow. It struck her that he probably had a girlfriend or something of similar function already, and the thought wasn't pleasant. She shrugged it away, though. This couldn't be about love.

    She busied herself with looking around the apartment. It seemed to have a kitchen, a living room and a bedroom, and probably a bathroom somewhere, she concluded. He passed her as he walked into the kitchen, and she followed him, her eyes planted firmly on his butt.

    "Want something to drink?" he asked, opening the fridge. "I have beer, some cider, coffee if you want..."

    "Cider would be nice, thanks," she flashed him an appreciative smile as she recieved a glass of the golden liquid. He took a beer bottle for himself and leaned against the kitchen sink. She sat down on a chair by the table, sipping. "Oh, how divine to sit down," she sighed, even if she wasn't particularly tired. Yet.

    "It can be a long way if you aren't familiar with the streets," he commented. But my door is always open for the fair miss..." He paused. "In fact, I don't think you ever told me your name?" He lifted an eyebrow inquiringly.

    "O-Oh, sorry... I'm-" She thought desperately. She didn't really want to tell him her name. She looked around, saw a table, a fridge, the... cider. She smirked, lifting her gaze to meet his and winking alluringly. "You can call me... Apple." She took another sip.

    "Apple? That's an unusual name." He put down his bottle on the sink he was leaning against and took a few steps towards her. "I think it fits you, though." Another step. Apple swalloed her mouthful, her eyes still locked with his. She felt her heart beat faster and faster for each pace he took, her body becoming hotter and her vision rather selective.

    "Why?"

    "Because apples are beautiful... a very pretty fruit. Red, glistening... almost irresistable..." He took a last step towards her, kneeling down so that their eyes became level, and once again running his hand thought her hair. He slid it down over her cheek as before, but this time, he didn't pull away. He continued down, his fingers caressing her throat in a slow, deliberate motion that made Apple sure he was taking pleasure in feeling her increased pulse. By now, she was panting softly, her lips slightly parted and her eyes partly closed. She lifted her hands, wordlessly pressing them against his chest, feeling the toned, fit musculature beneath the teasingly unbuttoned shirt.

    "But your body belies your name, Apple..." he muttered breathily as she smoothed his hands down over her shoulders and out onto her chest. Tracing the rounding of her twins through the fabric of her top, he slid his hands under them, lifting them playfuly and feeling their weight. "These are no apples, I'd call them melons at the least..." She shot her a glance that practially burned. "Are they ripe?"

    "For the plucking..." Apple whispered, and at that, none of them wasted more time. Soon his shirt lay in a rumpled heap on the table, while her top was tossed onto a potted plant on the window sill. He had pulled her up to standing, their lips interlocked in a pssionate kiss, their tongues touching and writhing inside each other's mouths. Chests rubbing intimately together, Apple's bra pressed tightly against his sculpted torso while their hands hungrily examined the unfamiliar bodies. The room filled with sighs and wet kissing noises.

    "In one religion... consumption of apples was the casue... for the fall of man... from the grace of God," he managed to moan between her needful assaults. Not a second after he had uttered that, he yelped in surprise as she deftly put one leg in the bend of his knee, clung tightly to his strong body and lay him flat down on his back, right on the kitchen floor. "Wha-" he began, but lost his air when Apple promptly sat down on his belly.

    "Man has officially fallen," she muttered huskily, her eyes locking intently with the male specimen beneath her. "Now..." she purred, baring her teeth and letting her tongue swipe over them as she leaned forward, bringing her head to hover only a centimeter over his face, so that she could feel the warmth of his respiratory air. "...eat me."

    * * *

    Hours later, the two lay among a mess of of rumpled sheets, their legs entangled and their nude bodies wet with perspiration. Apple had her cheek pressed against his chest, his every heartbeat resonating like a smithy hammer in her head. She was content. Completely and utterly fulfilled as she lay there and felt her heart synchronize with his. And still, she knew this couldn't last. This couldn't be love, this was... something else. A farmer girl's rebellion when faced with the big city? The need for company after having just left a household of seven to live alone? Maybe it was just his damn smile, she smirked. She didn't know, but she knew it wasn't love... but right here, right now, it was easy to think it was.

    So she needed to get out.

    Raising from him, she went out to the bathroom and let the shower's water cleanse her body of sweat and other fluids. Then, having dried herself, she went around the apartment, collecting scattered pieces of clothing. At one point, she found his boxers, tossed over the back of a chair in the living room. She secretly slipped them into her pocket. As she put her hand on the door handle, he called from the bedroom.

    "Apple..." Silence.

    "We both know how it must be." Silence. She had nothing else she could say.

    "Take care, alright?" She opened the door, stepped outside and, the second before closing it, popped her head back in and called out.

    "Goodbye... stranger." Then she slammed the door and hurried down the stairs in a halfrun.

    She was already in her new home, tucked down in bed and about to get some sleep, when she realized her sack had not been by his door when she left.

    And that, as they say, is that. Take a guess at the characters!
    Last edited by Weimann; 2009-08-12 at 07:39 AM.
    Quoth the raven, "Polly wants a cracker."

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  26. - Top - End - #446
    Orc in the Playground
     
    TheBibliophile's Avatar

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table

    Celia and Hank?
    Amazingly cool avatar by Mauve Shirt. May she ever be promoted and not demoted! *promotes*
    Books are a mind-altering substance. Therefore, I am high all the time.
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    Some poetry I've written. Constructive criticism warmly welcomed.

  27. - Top - End - #447
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    Cracklord's Avatar

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table

    Durkon and Lien.
    Why not? In fact, I like it. I like it so much I declare it the new VxZz'dtri (for me, anyway).

    Spoiler
    Show

    As everyone said their goodbyes, the two of them vanished off to one side. To find the privacy they needed. As they walked their hands slipped together, his large, rough hands enfolded her smaller, equally rough ones, scarred by practice and actual battle. Everyone was too caught up in there own moments to see them go, but to the two of them the already too small world had narrowed down to just two people.

    They walked along the shore of the island they had found themselves, and were still yet to explore. She was up to her knee's in the water, splashing around playfully, but his feet were firmly rooted on dry land. Dwarves could sink very well, but were much to solid to float, and he didn't fancy wading up to his chest just yet.

    Even so, he knew he loved the sea. The crash of the waves reminded him of her laugh, it's mysterious depths as deep as her eyes, it's rich blue the color of her hair. Beautiful, mysterious. Just like her.

    Lost in pleasant melancholy, he hadn't even heard felt her come close until he felt her sinewy arms around his thick chest. He felt the softness of her deceptively delicate face nuzzle the nape of his neck, and he sighed in a way that had several meanings all at once.

    "What are you thinking about?" She asked, her soft, husky voice quiet, and he gave a little shiver as he felt her hot breath against his cold skin.
    "Ah'm thinkin' o’ ye, lass." He replied truthfully, turning and pushing her onto her rear with a sweep of his brawny arms. She fell in an undignified heap with a little squeal that he found strangely endearing, and he smiled, wrapping his arms around her and drawing her in for a long, lingering kiss.
    Durkon's kisses were oddly gentle, neither hurried nor forceful, as though he had all the time in the world. The oddly soft hairs on her chin tickled her neck as he kissed her, the feeling surprisingly pleasant. His rich hazel eyes crinkled in pleasure, and he planted another kiss on her chin before he drew away.

    "Ah'd go with ye, if ye asked." He said, his tone earnest.

    She shook her head, her face still carefree, but stern. She was flushed slightly, he noticed, and he felt an urge to kiss her again. "Your place is with the rest of the order."

    "Ma place is with ye." He said, and she smiled but did not relent.

    "Durky, I'm a big girl. And as much as I love you, our love can't be the only thing in the world. It is because you will leave me when you have to, because you will do what is right, not what makes you happy, that I love you. You'll always be there for me, and I'll wait for you as long as it takes to save the world."

    Warmth spread in his chest at her words. Drawing her close he kissed her again, for a long time. His hands drew into her hair, scarred with practice and actual battle, letting her short, silky tresses brush against them as he deepened the kiss.

    This time, it was her who pulled away, but only for a few moments.

    "I'll miss you." She said.

    He nodded. "An' Ah'll miss ye."

    "How long do we have?"

    "He drew her close. "Long enough."

    "Give me something to remember you by."


    God above, I liked that. I like this pairing.
    I'll do another one in this pairing tomorrow.

    An earlier one I got (Bozzok, Durkon, Samantha and Haley) can be made to work. Like, really well.

    FYI: Crack improves if written while listening to You Shook Me All Night Long by AC/DC. Just for those who wanted advice for writing it.
    Last edited by Cracklord; 2009-08-12 at 06:55 AM.
    Nadir We,
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  28. - Top - End - #448
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    Dark Faun's Avatar

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table

    Weimann: I would venture it's about Haley's parents or Haley's father/Elan's mother. Watch out for the many typos though.

    Minion992929: You may want to skip lines between paragraphs, it makes the story more readable. Pretty cute anyway.

    And I think we all know my favorite banner.
    Last edited by Dark Faun; 2009-08-12 at 07:03 AM.
    Formerly known as Discord here and Maladin on avatarspirit.net.

  29. - Top - End - #449
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    Cracklord's Avatar

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table

    Quote Originally Posted by Discord View Post
    Weimann: I would venture it's about Haley's parents or Haley's father/Elan's mother. Watch out for the many typos though.

    Minion992929: You may want to skip lines between paragraphs, it makes the story more readable.

    And I think we all know my favorite banner.
    Thanks. I'll do that.
    Nadir We,
    Youth Born,
    Blood Letters,
    Axe Weilders,
    Victors Still.

  30. - Top - End - #450
    Ogre in the Playground
     
    Weimann's Avatar

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table

    Updated with the second part.
    Quote Originally Posted by TheBibliophile
    Celia and Hank?
    Nope.
    Quote Originally Posted by Minion992929
    Durkon and Lien.
    Nope.
    Quote Originally Posted by Discord
    I would venture it's about Haley's parents or Haley's father/Elan's mother.
    Nope, but that was a very good guess. It just as easily could have been.

    Consider the name of the girl a tip. Also, the reason I don't write their names is that they don't officially have any :P
    Quote Originally Posted by Discord
    Watch out for the many typos though.
    I was in a hurry when I typed it in. I'll come back and correct it at a later date. Thanks for pointing it out :)
    Last edited by Weimann; 2009-08-12 at 07:11 AM.
    Quoth the raven, "Polly wants a cracker."

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