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  1. - Top - End - #991
    Ogre in the Playground
     
    Cracklord's Avatar

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table

    Quote Originally Posted by Zanaril View Post
    I always thought you were male.
    This is a crack pairing thread, gender is not constant by any means.

    Nadir We,
    Youth Born,
    Blood Letters,
    Axe Weilders,
    Victors Still.

  2. - Top - End - #992
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    BatRobin's Avatar

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table

    Zz'Dtri x G/Flipped Bozzok on a desert island
    Someone needs to write this.

  3. - Top - End - #993
    Ogre in the Playground
     
    Cracklord's Avatar

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table

    Quote Originally Posted by BatRobin View Post
    Someone needs to write this.
    OK. Give me a minute. I suppose I could do with working on my descriptions.
    Nadir We,
    Youth Born,
    Blood Letters,
    Axe Weilders,
    Victors Still.

  4. - Top - End - #994
    Ogre in the Playground
     
    Dark Faun's Avatar

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table

    Quote Originally Posted by Minion992929 View Post
    This is a crack pairing thread, gender is not constant by any means.

    Gender is an illusion.
    Formerly known as Discord here and Maladin on avatarspirit.net.

  5. - Top - End - #995
    Halfling in the Playground
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    Default Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table

    Quote Originally Posted by The Dark Fiddler View Post
    Also, because of the sheer number of banners you've been making, I'm going to hold of on updating the OP for a bit. Rather get them all at once.
    Nah, thats all for the moment

    but be prepared for a surge...

    EDIT: Now doing Avvie requests, and if you've an idea for a banner as well, that would be useful, just message me or something, or, you know...

    Don't.
    Last edited by Funky Goose; 2009-09-02 at 05:32 PM.
    Live each day of your life like the man that has never seen a yurt.

    ~Proverb

  6. - Top - End - #996
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    Zanaril's Avatar

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table

    Quote Originally Posted by Minion992929 View Post
    This is a crack pairing thread, gender is not constant by any means.

    So... you want to be a male godess?


    Anyway, enough of my lazing around, here's the start of the next chapter. Sorry, no ZxV for a bit.

    Spoiler
    Show

    A frantic knocking sounded against the ivory door of the tower, a knock which soon turned into a full on hammering and was accompanied by a worried voice. “Aarindarius?! Are you here?! Please, please be here...” A few seconds later, the large door swung inwards and said wizard poked his head out, only to be assaulted by a sobbing elf. He stared down at the head of green hair that was buried into the front of his robes, trying to assess the situation.

    “Inkyrius! What in the world has happened that’s led you to trying to knock down my door?” He gently pried the baker’s arms from around his waist, then put an arm around the sobbing elf and steered them both back into the tower and into a drawing room off the side of the main hall.

    “Yes, yes, whatever it is you just cry it out while I get you something to drink.” He said, seating the elf down on the sofa and hurrying away.

    He returned a few seconds later with a teapot and two large mugs. Sitting down on the sofa beside the other elf, he handed over a mug of strong tea, half of which Inkyrius gulped down in one go. But it had the desired effect because the previously uncontrollably sobs had calmed down to a quiet sniffling, although the elf’s hand were still shaking.

    “Now, tell me what the problem is.”

    “There’s a dead dragon on my lawn.” Inkyrius blurted out.

    “What? “Aarindarius blinked in surprise, and then laid a hand gently on the other elf’s arm. "Please, calm down and start from the beginning.”

    Inkyrius nodded and took a few deep breaths before continuing. “It started about an hour or so after the – the children got back from kindergarten. Can you believe they’d made yet another macaroni picture of-? Anyway, we - we’d just had lunch and while I was clearing up they’d gone out to play in the garden. Then suddenly there was a loud crashing noise, and they began s-screaming. So I ran outside and there was a dragon, sitting on the remains of the fence, and it had – had picked them up in its claws and it was hanging them upside-down. Not d-doing anything in particular to them, just sitting there, w-watching them scream and – and struggle.”

    At this point Inkyrius broke down into tears again prompting Aarindarius to put an arm comfortingly around the elf’s heaving shoulders until he was able to continue.

    “It was then the dragon caught sight of me. It dropped my children – and t-they were at least twenty feet up in the air at the time – and it knocked me over and pinned me down as if I were just an insect to it, then it lowered its head towards me and spoke, said “So this is the best its mate can do. Watch carefully, elf, this is the price of taking my family from me.” It then picked me up, held me against the tree and used a spell to stick some bits of wood from the fence through my hands and feet, pinning me there. It spent a few minutes spewing acid everywhere and knocking the cottage down. I tried reasoning with it, pleading with it, but - but it ignored me. It w-was turning its attention back on us, when su-suddenly a wizard appeared out of nowhere and began fighting it, then turned into a d-dragon to kill it.” The elf started sniffling again.

    “Shh.” Aarindarius muttered what he hoped was comfortingly, hugging Inkyrius who was now crying into his shoulder again, the half drunk tea forgotten. "It's okay."

    “No it’s not!" Inkyrius said, pulling away suddenly, sitting up straight "The wizard who appeared was an elf, d-dressed in black, all glowing eyes and fangs. After defeating the dragon, the elf landed and – and it was Suvie!”

    Aarindarius looked shocked, but after refilling the mug from the teapot and pushing it back into the elf’s hands, indicated to continue.

    “I tried to talk to Vaarsuvius, but was ignored except for being freed from the tree. Instead Suvie went over to the dead dragon and reanimated it, then cast some spell on it – no idea what, but even I could tell it was powerful. They flew up in the air and talked, and then the dragon’s head was destroyed.

    “Vaarsuvius flew down and I – it seems so stupid now, but I picked up a stick and waved it around, like I could actually defend us with it. I thought Suvie was possessed or something. But then we argued and - and – and it turned out that my Vaarsuvius h-had made a deal with Fiends! We argued a bit more, and then V-Vaarsuvius flew off and disappeared. I carried our children down into the village and took them to the healers – they b-both had broken legs from when the dragon dropped them. The healer gave th-them something to put them unconscious while she fixed their legs, s-said it would be a while before they woke up, so when I was sure they were going to be okay I ran over h-here to see you.”

    Aarindarius remained silent for a moment turning the information over, before asking "Do you know where Vaarsuvius went?"

    Inkyrius gave a choked laugh. "Of course not. As usual Suvie didn't think in necessary to tell me. Did mention having to find someone though."

    "I could try to contact-"

    "N- no! No." The elf sighed "I.. I don't think I have anything to say at the moment."

    Aarindarius nodded. "Understandable. You are alright, aren't you? Being attacked by a dragon... isn't something most people are well equipt to deal with."

    "I've had my injuries healed. I'm fine."

    Aarindarius studied the other elf's face carefully; the baker looked anything but fine. "Do you and the children need somewhere to stay?"

    "I wouldn't want to impose-"

    "Nonsense! You know you're always welcome here."

    "If you're sure."

    Aarindarius leaned over and placed a hand on the other elf's arm."Inkyrius, you've known me long enough to know I'm happy to lend assistance in any way I can."

    "And I appreciate it. Thank you." Inkyrius wiped a few tears away with a green sleeve and stood up awkwardly. "I should be getting back to the healers."

    Aarindarius stood too, and then led the other elf back onto the hallway, opening the large front door. As Inkyrius started down the steps, Aarindarius said "I was sincere about offering you a place to stay. Not to scare you, but I think it would be also be safer."

    Inkyrius looked uneasy. "I suppose so. Again, thank you." the elf said, before hurrying away down the road and disappearing into the trees. Aarindarius watched until the baker was out of sight, then closed the door and leant against it.

    A dragon? Vaarsuvius making deals with fiends? Aarindarius wondered at what on earth could have led to these events, and had half a mind to try contacting his apprentice right then. The purple-haired elf had always been ambitious, but had never seemed to type to treat with dark powers... He shook his head. If this was true, he doubted the younger wizard would care for his meddling. Not that he wouldn't, he thought as he ascended the stairs to his study to prepare a scrying spell.

    However, as he entered the room a slight smile was crept across his face, which he quickly suppressed. But it was enough for him to realise guiltily that, despite the macabre circumstances, he was cheerful. Maybe it was the welcome break in monotony, but more likely, it was the prospect of a certain green haired elf coming to stay.

    Last edited by Zanaril; 2009-09-02 at 06:09 PM.
    This post may contain sarcasm.
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  7. - Top - End - #997
    Ogre in the Playground
     
    Elfin's Avatar

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    Beautiful. Just Beautiful.

  8. - Top - End - #998
    Pixie in the Playground
     
    Darkroot's Avatar

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table

    Wow, this thread is amazing.. in its own twisted way. I might contirbute.... after I regain a lil sanity....

    Quote Originally Posted by Elvenblade View Post
    Beautiful. Just Beautiful.
    Huh, 1000th post... are any other threads unlocked at that size at the moment?
    Last edited by Darkroot; 2009-09-02 at 05:39 PM.

  9. - Top - End - #999
    Ogre in the Playground
     
    Cracklord's Avatar

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table

    Always nice to read your stuff, Zanaril.

    And no, we got 50 pages.
    Nadir We,
    Youth Born,
    Blood Letters,
    Axe Weilders,
    Victors Still.

  10. - Top - End - #1000
    Ogre in the Playground
     
    Zanaril's Avatar

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table

    Quote Originally Posted by Darkroot View Post
    Huh, 1000th post... are any other threads unlocked at that size at the moment?
    Yeah, the Was Roy's attack on Miko after the murder of Shojo morally justified? thread has more posts than us.
    This post may contain sarcasm.
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  11. - Top - End - #1001

    Default Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table

    Quote Originally Posted by Zanaril View Post
    So... you want to be a male godess?


    Anyway, enough of my lazing around, here's the start of the next chapter. Sorry, no ZxV for a bit.

    Spoiler
    Show

    A frantic knocking sounded against the ivory door of the tower, a knock which soon turned into a full on hammering and was accompanied by a worried voice. “Aarindarius?! Are you here?! Please, please be here...” A few seconds later, the large door swung inwards and said wizard poked his head out, only to be assaulted by a sobbing elf. He stared down at the head of green hair that was buried into the front of his robes, trying to assess the situation.

    “Inkyrius! What in the world has happened that’s led you to trying to knock down my door?” He gently pried the baker’s arms from around his waist, then put an arm around the sobbing elf and steered them both back into the tower and into a drawing room off the side of the main hall.

    “Yes, yes, whatever it is you just cry it out while I get you something to drink.” He said, seating the elf down on the sofa and hurrying away.

    He returned a few seconds later with a teapot and two large mugs. Sitting down on the sofa beside the other elf, he handed over a mug of strong tea, half of which Inkyrius gulped down in one go. But it had the desired effect because the previously uncontrollably sobs had calmed down to a quiet sniffling, although the elf’s hand were still shaking.

    “Now, tell me what the problem is.”

    “There’s a dead dragon on my lawn.” Inkyrius blurted out.

    “What? “Aarindarius blinked in surprise, and then laid a hand gently on the other elf’s arm. "Please, calm down and start from the beginning.”

    Inkyrius nodded and took a few deep breaths before continuing. “It started about an hour or so after the – the children got back from kindergarten. Can you believe they’d made yet another macaroni picture of-? Anyway, we - we’d just had lunch and while I was clearing up they’d gone out to play in the garden. Then suddenly there was a loud crashing noise, and they began s-screaming. So I ran outside and there was a dragon, sitting on the remains of the fence, and it had – had picked them up in its claws and it was hanging them upside-down. Not d-doing anything in particular to them, just sitting there, w-watching them scream and – and struggle.”

    At this point Inkyrius broke down into tears again prompting Aarindarius to put an arm comfortingly around the elf’s heaving shoulders until he was able to continue.

    “It was them the dragon caught sight of me. It dropped my children – and t-they were at least twenty feet up in the air at the time – and it knocked me over and pinned me down as if I were just an insect to it, then it lowered its head towards me and spoke, said “So this is the best its mate can do. Watch carefully, elf, this is the price of taking my family from me.” It then picked me up, held me against the tree and used a spell to stick some bits of wood from the fence through my hands and feet, pinning me there. It spent a few minutes spewing acid everywhere and knocking the cottage down. I tried reasoning with it, pleading with it, but - but it ignored me. It w-was turning its attention back on us, when su-suddenly a wizard appeared out of nowhere and began fighting it, then turned into a d-dragon to kill it.” The elf started sniffling again.

    “Shh.” Aarindarius muttered what he hoped was comfortingly, hugging Inkyrius who was now crying into his shoulder again, the half drunk tea forgotten. "It's okay."

    “No it’s not!" Inkyrius said, pulling away suddenly, sitting up straight "The wizard who appeared was an elf, d-dressed in black, all glowing eyes and fangs. After defeating the dragon, the elf landed and – and it was Suvie!”

    Aarindarius looked shocked, but after refilling the mug from the teapot and pushing it back into the elf’s hands, indicated to continue.

    “I tried to talk to Vaarsuvius, but was ignored except for being freed from the tree. Instead Suvie went over to the dead dragon and reanimated it, then cast some spell on it – no idea what, but even I could tell it was powerful. They flew up in the air and talked, and then the dragon’s head was destroyed.

    “Vaarsuvius flew down and I – it seems so stupid now, but I picked up a stick and waved it around, like I could actually defend us with it. I thought Suvie was possessed or something. But then we argued and - and – and it turned out that my Vaarsuvius h-had made a deal with Fiends! We argued a bit more, and then V-Vaarsuvius flew off and disappeared. I carried our children down into the village and took them to the healers – they b-both had broken legs from when the dragon dropped them. The healer gave th-them something to put them unconscious while she fixed their legs, s-said it would be a while before they woke up, so when I was sure they were going to be okay I ran over h-here to see you.”

    Aarindarius remained silent for a moment turning the information over, before asking "Do you know where Vaarsuvius went?"

    Inkyrius gave a choked laugh. "Of course not. As usual Suvie didn't think in necessary to tell me. Did mention having to find someone though."

    "I could try to contact-"

    "N- no! No." The elf sighed "I.. I don't think I have anything to say at the moment."

    Aarindarius nodded. "Understandable. You are alright, aren't you? Being attacked by a dragon... isn't something most people are well equipt to deal with."

    "I've had my injuries healed. I'm fine."

    Aarindarius studied the other elf's face carefully; the baker looked anything but fine. "Do you and the children need somewhere to stay?"

    "I wouldn't want to impose-"

    "Nonsense! You know you're always welcome here."

    "If you're sure."

    Aarindarius leaned over and placed a hand on the other elf's arm."Inkyrius, you've known me long enough to know I'm happy to lend assistance in any way I can."

    "And I appreciate it. Thank you." Inkyrius wiped a few tears away with a green sleeve and stood up awkwardly. "I should be getting back to the healers."

    Aarindarius stood too, and then led the other elf back onto the hallway, opening the large front door. As Inkyrius started down the steps, Aarindarius said "I was sincere about offering you a place to stay. Not to scare you, but I think it would be also be safer."

    Inkyrius looked uneasy. "I suppose so. Again, thank you." the elf said, before hurrying away down the road and disappearing into the trees. Aarindarius watched until the baker was out of sight, then closed the door and leant against it.

    A dragon? Vaarsuvius making deals with fiends? Aarindarius wondered at what on earth could have led to these events, and had half a mind to try contacting his apprentice right then. The purple-haired elf had always been ambitious, but had never seemed to type to treat with dark powers... He shook his head. If this was true, he doubted the younger wizard would care for his meddling. Not that he wouldn't, he thought as he ascended the stairs to his study to prepare a scrying spell.

    However, as he entered the room a slight smile was crept across his face, which he quickly suppressed. But it was enough for him to realise guiltily that, despite the macabre circumstances, he was cheerful. Maybe it was the welcome break in monotony, but more likely, it was the prospect of a certain green haired elf coming to stay.

    Look who got post 1000!

    I'll have to make you something to celebrate this achievement.

    Maybe I'll get you hat, so you will no longer be poor and Irish.

    Wait, that's the TF2 thread, not the crack pairings thread.
    It's been a bit, GitP. If you're reading this, you're either digging through old stuff, or I've posted for the first time in forever.

    If you want to stay in touch, reach out to me on twitter (same username).

    The best answer is always to ask your DM.
    Unless you're the DM, in which case you should talk to your players.

  12. - Top - End - #1002
    Ogre in the Playground
     
    Zanaril's Avatar

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table

    Quote Originally Posted by The Dark Fiddler View Post
    Maybe I'll get you hat, so you will no longer be poor and Irish.
    You seem a bit confused. I'm neither.
    This post may contain sarcasm.
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  13. - Top - End - #1003

    Default Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table

    Quote Originally Posted by Zanaril View Post
    You seem a bit confused. I'm neither.
    It's a Team Fortress 2 joke.

    Pretty weird too, as I don't even play it.
    It's been a bit, GitP. If you're reading this, you're either digging through old stuff, or I've posted for the first time in forever.

    If you want to stay in touch, reach out to me on twitter (same username).

    The best answer is always to ask your DM.
    Unless you're the DM, in which case you should talk to your players.

  14. - Top - End - #1004
    Ogre in the Playground
     
    Zanaril's Avatar

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table

    Quote Originally Posted by The Dark Fiddler View Post
    It's a Team Fortress 2 joke.

    Pretty weird too, as I don't even play it.
    I figured it was some weird in-joke, but thought it best to correct you just in case.
    Last edited by Zanaril; 2009-09-02 at 05:53 PM.
    This post may contain sarcasm.
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  15. - Top - End - #1005
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    Water-Smurf's Avatar

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table

    By the Gods! I leave for a few days and suddenly there are several more pages! :P I suppose I should have expected it...

    Anyway, these are wonderful banners!

    And fanart? Really? You flatter me, truly. The pictures are all stunning! I must have sneaked peak after peak before writing this. Amazing. You've all made my... probably month.

    Quote Originally Posted by Zanaril View Post
    Anyway, enough of my lazing around, here's the start of the next chapter. Sorry, no ZxV for a bit.

    Spoiler
    Show

    A frantic knocking sounded against the ivory door of the tower, a knock which soon turned into a full on hammering and was accompanied by a worried voice. “Aarindarius?! Are you here?! Please, please be here...” A few seconds later, the large door swung inwards and said wizard poked his head out, only to be assaulted by a sobbing elf. He stared down at the head of green hair that was buried into the front of his robes, trying to assess the situation.

    “Inkyrius! What in the world has happened that’s led you to trying to knock down my door?” He gently pried the baker’s arms from around his waist, then put an arm around the sobbing elf and steered them both back into the tower and into a drawing room off the side of the main hall.

    “Yes, yes, whatever it is you just cry it out while I get you something to drink.” He said, seating the elf down on the sofa and hurrying away.

    He returned a few seconds later with a teapot and two large mugs. Sitting down on the sofa beside the other elf, he handed over a mug of strong tea, half of which Inkyrius gulped down in one go. But it had the desired effect because the previously uncontrollably sobs had calmed down to a quiet sniffling, although the elf’s hand were still shaking.

    “Now, tell me what the problem is.”

    “There’s a dead dragon on my lawn.” Inkyrius blurted out.

    “What? “Aarindarius blinked in surprise, and then laid a hand gently on the other elf’s arm. "Please, calm down and start from the beginning.”

    Inkyrius nodded and took a few deep breaths before continuing. “It started about an hour or so after the – the children got back from kindergarten. Can you believe they’d made yet another macaroni picture of-? Anyway, we - we’d just had lunch and while I was clearing up they’d gone out to play in the garden. Then suddenly there was a loud crashing noise, and they began s-screaming. So I ran outside and there was a dragon, sitting on the remains of the fence, and it had – had picked them up in its claws and it was hanging them upside-down. Not d-doing anything in particular to them, just sitting there, w-watching them scream and – and struggle.”

    At this point Inkyrius broke down into tears again prompting Aarindarius to put an arm comfortingly around the elf’s heaving shoulders until he was able to continue.

    “It was them the dragon caught sight of me. It dropped my children – and t-they were at least twenty feet up in the air at the time – and it knocked me over and pinned me down as if I were just an insect to it, then it lowered its head towards me and spoke, said “So this is the best its mate can do. Watch carefully, elf, this is the price of taking my family from me.” It then picked me up, held me against the tree and used a spell to stick some bits of wood from the fence through my hands and feet, pinning me there. It spent a few minutes spewing acid everywhere and knocking the cottage down. I tried reasoning with it, pleading with it, but - but it ignored me. It w-was turning its attention back on us, when su-suddenly a wizard appeared out of nowhere and began fighting it, then turned into a d-dragon to kill it.” The elf started sniffling again.

    “Shh.” Aarindarius muttered what he hoped was comfortingly, hugging Inkyrius who was now crying into his shoulder again, the half drunk tea forgotten. "It's okay."

    “No it’s not!" Inkyrius said, pulling away suddenly, sitting up straight "The wizard who appeared was an elf, d-dressed in black, all glowing eyes and fangs. After defeating the dragon, the elf landed and – and it was Suvie!”

    Aarindarius looked shocked, but after refilling the mug from the teapot and pushing it back into the elf’s hands, indicated to continue.

    “I tried to talk to Vaarsuvius, but was ignored except for being freed from the tree. Instead Suvie went over to the dead dragon and reanimated it, then cast some spell on it – no idea what, but even I could tell it was powerful. They flew up in the air and talked, and then the dragon’s head was destroyed.

    “Vaarsuvius flew down and I – it seems so stupid now, but I picked up a stick and waved it around, like I could actually defend us with it. I thought Suvie was possessed or something. But then we argued and - and – and it turned out that my Vaarsuvius h-had made a deal with Fiends! We argued a bit more, and then V-Vaarsuvius flew off and disappeared. I carried our children down into the village and took them to the healers – they b-both had broken legs from when the dragon dropped them. The healer gave th-them something to put them unconscious while she fixed their legs, s-said it would be a while before they woke up, so when I was sure they were going to be okay I ran over h-here to see you.”

    Aarindarius remained silent for a moment turning the information over, before asking "Do you know where Vaarsuvius went?"

    Inkyrius gave a choked laugh. "Of course not. As usual Suvie didn't think in necessary to tell me. Did mention having to find someone though."

    "I could try to contact-"

    "N- no! No." The elf sighed "I.. I don't think I have anything to say at the moment."

    Aarindarius nodded. "Understandable. You are alright, aren't you? Being attacked by a dragon... isn't something most people are well equipt to deal with."

    "I've had my injuries healed. I'm fine."

    Aarindarius studied the other elf's face carefully; the baker looked anything but fine. "Do you and the children need somewhere to stay?"

    "I wouldn't want to impose-"

    "Nonsense! You know you're always welcome here."

    "If you're sure."

    Aarindarius leaned over and placed a hand on the other elf's arm."Inkyrius, you've known me long enough to know I'm happy to lend assistance in any way I can."

    "And I appreciate it. Thank you." Inkyrius wiped a few tears away with a green sleeve and stood up awkwardly. "I should be getting back to the healers."

    Aarindarius stood too, and then led the other elf back onto the hallway, opening the large front door. As Inkyrius started down the steps, Aarindarius said "I was sincere about offering you a place to stay. Not to scare you, but I think it would be also be safer."

    Inkyrius looked uneasy. "I suppose so. Again, thank you." the elf said, before hurrying away down the road and disappearing into the trees. Aarindarius watched until the baker was out of sight, then closed the door and leant against it.

    A dragon? Vaarsuvius making deals with fiends? Aarindarius wondered at what on earth could have led to these events, and had half a mind to try contacting his apprentice right then. The purple-haired elf had always been ambitious, but had never seemed to type to treat with dark powers... He shook his head. If this was true, he doubted the younger wizard would care for his meddling. Not that he wouldn't, he thought as he ascended the stairs to his study to prepare a scrying spell.

    However, as he entered the room a slight smile was crept across his face, which he quickly suppressed. But it was enough for him to realise guiltily that, despite the macabre circumstances, he was cheerful. Maybe it was the welcome break in monotony, but more likely, it was the prospect of a certain green haired elf coming to stay.

    Well done. Great minds think alike, I suppose. I had an idea for a story starting with Inkyrius telling Aarindarius about Suvie's little rampage. I never thought of the Inky/Aarindarius element, though!

    At any rate, I'm working on Red/V. School's starting on my end of the screen, so it's getting a little difficult to find the time, and I'm hacking up the chapter left and right because it won't turn out how I want it.

    Spoiler
    Show

    The April Squickies Award for Best Crack Pairing Story


    Thank you so much to Kaytara for the avatar! It's of Redcloak's and Vaarsuvius's love child.

  16. - Top - End - #1006
    Ogre in the Playground
     
    Dark Faun's Avatar

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    Quote Originally Posted by Zanaril View Post
    It was them the dragon caught sight of me.
    Shouldn't it be "when?"

    Good chapter.
    Formerly known as Discord here and Maladin on avatarspirit.net.

  17. - Top - End - #1007
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    Default Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table

    Quote Originally Posted by Zanaril View Post
    Yeah, the Was Roy's attack on Miko after the murder of Shojo morally justified? thread has more posts than us.
    Yeah... Just imagine if David and derferinwolv and all the others directed all that precious writing energy into crackfics, instead.

    ...

    ...I do believe I have found the solution to world peace.
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  18. - Top - End - #1008
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    Quote Originally Posted by Water-Smurf View Post
    I never thought of the Inky/Aarindarius element, though!
    Really? Hmmm... *exerts crack pairing influences* Why are you so resistant?!

    At any rate, I'm working on Red/V. School's starting on my end of the screen, so it's getting a little difficult to find the time, and I'm hacking up the chapter left and right because it won't turn out how I want it.
    I start sixth form on Monday (although all the other years have to start tomorrow, muhahahah!) so I sympathize.

    As for your fic, it's just good to know there's more comming. Take as long as you want; the quality justifies it.
    This post may contain sarcasm.
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  19. - Top - End - #1009
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    ;o Hmm...perhaps in the future, I should try to write a more drawn-out version of one of these pairings...alas, for a later date.
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    Quote Originally Posted by PhoeKun View Post
    ...How does one cuddle mercilessly?
    Quote Originally Posted by Coidzor View Post
    Curse your Introbulosity!

  20. - Top - End - #1010

    Default Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table

    Quote Originally Posted by Discord View Post
    Shouldn't it be "when?"

    Good chapter.
    Or "then".


    School for me starts next Tuesday.

    First Freshman class in the brand new Highschool that I already hate.
    It's been a bit, GitP. If you're reading this, you're either digging through old stuff, or I've posted for the first time in forever.

    If you want to stay in touch, reach out to me on twitter (same username).

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  21. - Top - End - #1011
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    You know, it's time I wrote a serious story, everyone else seems to be. So Bozzok and Zz'Dtri, dessert island will be my warm up. Tell me what works and what doesn't so I can put together a Lien/Durkon one after.
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    He watched the sail grow for a long time, trying to decide what he wanted. It would be easier to give up then keep on going. He wasn't sure he'd live then just lie down and die.

    Dying would be easier, he knew. All he had to do was collapse and let the ship pass by, and death claim him. No doubt it was already here, sharpening it's scythe. He already had a fever, burning through him like a whit hot lance, making his gut ache and making him shiver in restless sleep.

    Each morning found him weaker, another 1d6 constitution gone, less likely to make that save. It would not be much longer.

    If the fever did not kill him the thirst certainly would. There had been no fresh water but for the occasional sudden squal that pooled in hollows of the rock and briny pools crusted with salt. He had been lucky, and just when dehydration had left him dry as old stone a sudden storm had roared in. He had crawled out and lay on his back, his mouth stretched open letting the rain trickle down his throat, and when it had stopped he’d felt a bit stronger, and crawled over to one of the pools where he lapped it up like a dog. It was thick and heavy with dirt and salt, but he’d gulped it down just the same, until he’d felt too heavy to move, then again the next day, then once more until yesterday he’d been swallowing mud, and today he was parched again. He’d thought of drinking seawater and making going quickly, but he couldn’t bring himself to do it.

    When the tide was low he’s sometimes found tiny crabs who had nipped at his flesh until he broke open their shells with a rock, and ate what pathetic white flesh he could find until the tide had washed them away again. Once he’d foung a small silvery fish, flapping on the rock, and he’d torn into it raw, though he threw most of it up later.

    Seagulls soared above him, squarking mockingly. At first he'd flung stones and waved his hands, trying to keep them away, but they'd disdainfully ignored his pathetic efforts, and now they barely bothered to notice them. They were like crows, scavengers who would pick the meat from his bones if he didn't escape.

    I could do it. He told himself. I could lie down and die.
    But he knew he was lying. It was the nature of the survivor to keep on going, and if Bozzok was anything, it was that.

    Some poets have written flowery praise of his way of life, and coined phrases like 'honor among thieves.' Bozzok, a whores son who had regularly watched his mother roughed up and his younger siblings beaten and humiliated because of their race, killed his fist man at seven with a kitchen knife and grown powerful through the dark, repressed side of humanity, agreed. They would not hurt you unless there was something in it for them.

    Unfortunately, something could be as little as lashing out at someone who looked weak, because no matter how lyrical the poets waxed, there was one, hard, uncompromising truth.

    Thieves were a bunch of lazy people, unable or unwilling to work, who survived by forcibly removing other people’s possessions. They were to other people what adventurers were to orcs. Worse, because most of them never did anything to hurt them, other than own something they wanted. Most of them were low level, but it didn’t take much to kill. They were animals, who had realised societies laws didn't have to apply to them if they didn't wnat them too. Even popular ones like Ian Starshine, who got songs made about them, were mildly sadistic multiple rapists with more blood and misery on their hands then most despotic Overlords. But in Greysky City they had something Bozzok never did. Respect, or fear, or whatever it was, but either way, he wanted it.

    He was still officially in charge of the guild, but he’d heard the whispers, and knew he’d have to start checking his food for broken glass. He’d seen them circling, and knew he had to escape. Sharks may be able to smell blood from a mile away, but nothing could sense weakness like criminals. Thieves are naturally solitary, and can only be kept in line through fear. He’d seen what happens when the perception of untouchableness fades, and it was never pretty. Even the popular, likeable ones generally died screaming.

    Of course, the world being what it was recently, the ship he had brought with 11.37% of the strongbox (which he had moved two days ago just in case, always be prepared) had run into a squall conjured by some jerk ass cleric for what seemed to be no good reason, and it had been wrecked. He’d been tossed about, but managed to keep his head above water (just as well, he had looked at the rules for drowning out of curiosity and couldn’t make head nor tail of them), and at last the storm had died down. It was like the entire world had waited for him to lose his balance so they could line up and kick him in the groin.

    A few aquatic encounters later (Why the hell was a kraken CR 12? Something with eight attacks and a grapple of +44 should be way too much for a solo encounter!) he had passed out, and now there was a blank spot in his memory that he suspected was full of dehydration, pain and sunstroke. The last thing he could recall was waking up on a beach with pebbles instead of sand and horrible gribbly things with lots of X’s and Y’s in their names crawling around. He’d shied away, but at last he’d gobbled them down and wished there were more of them.

    Five days later, his hard ridges of muscle had faded, and his face was gaunt and pinched, a mess of planes. His eyes were sunken and hollow, and stiff coarse wire decorated his cheeks. Even his skin was sallow, now more yellow then green. He’d caught his reflection in the ocean, and thought he was having a random encounter.

    And now there was a chance of rescue, and he wasn’t sure he cared. Everything he had built was gone. All he had achieved was already lost, and he was forgotten. What was left?

    At last he sighed, and raised his hand weakly to signal. There was still his hate, and with that, everything was possible. He was a high level rogue, he’d built himself up to the king of a tougher place then this wilderness.

    He wasn’t ready to die yet.


    Haven't introduced Zz'Dtri yet, but I'll find my way yet
    Last edited by Cracklord; 2009-09-03 at 07:26 PM.
    Nadir We,
    Youth Born,
    Blood Letters,
    Axe Weilders,
    Victors Still.

  22. - Top - End - #1012
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    Water-Smurf's Avatar

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    Quote Originally Posted by Zanaril View Post
    Really? Hmmm... *exerts crack pairing influences* Why are you so resistant?!

    As for your fic, it's just good to know there's more comming. Take as long as you want; the quality justifies it.
    Mostly because I haven't gotten a feel of Aarindarius and therefore am not so confident in painting hir in an in-character light.

    And I'm not really sure about the quality of the next chapter. Those two are rebelling.
    Last edited by Water-Smurf; 2009-09-02 at 06:30 PM.

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    The April Squickies Award for Best Crack Pairing Story


    Thank you so much to Kaytara for the avatar! It's of Redcloak's and Vaarsuvius's love child.

  23. - Top - End - #1013
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    Zanaril's Avatar

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table

    Quote Originally Posted by Water-Smurf View Post
    Mostly because I haven't gotten a feel of Aarindarius and therefore am not so confident in painting hir in an in-character light.
    There's hardly any hints about Aarindarius in-comic, so it's probably safe to interpret his character however you like.


    Quote Originally Posted by Water-Smurf View Post
    And I'm not really sure about the quality of the next chapter. Those two are rebelling.
    You can always edit it later. I find it's easier to see what's wrong if you re-read something after a while.
    Last edited by Zanaril; 2009-09-02 at 06:32 PM.
    This post may contain sarcasm.
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  24. - Top - End - #1014
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    Dark Faun's Avatar

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    Interesting start, Minion992929.

    And I made a banner!

    Formerly known as Discord here and Maladin on avatarspirit.net.

  25. - Top - End - #1015

    Default Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table

    Quote Originally Posted by Discord View Post
    Interesting start, Minion992929.

    And I made a banner!

    Added to the OP

    I like it, I hope to see more from you.
    It's been a bit, GitP. If you're reading this, you're either digging through old stuff, or I've posted for the first time in forever.

    If you want to stay in touch, reach out to me on twitter (same username).

    The best answer is always to ask your DM.
    Unless you're the DM, in which case you should talk to your players.

  26. - Top - End - #1016
    Pixie in the Playground
     
    NinjaGuy

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table

    I joined as soon as I read some of these fanfics, I just knew I had to try one
    So I tried rolling and I got BelkarxVaarsuvius, One sided love, isn't exactly a freaky crack pairing but it all wrote itself in my head as I pictured it, so this is what I came up with.
    Spoiler
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    Vaarsuvius awoke suspended from the ceiling by the wrists, in the dark hull of the ship bearing the Order to the Western Continent.
    Vaarsuvius: What in the Nine Hells am I doing here?
    Belkar: Well your hanging from the ceiling for one thing.
    (sounds like something Belkar would say maybe?)
    Vaarsuvius: Belkar!? What kind of joke is it this time, I swear by all my power I-
    Belkar: No joke this time V, I'm completely serious about what I'm going to do.
    Vaarsuvius: What are you talking about?
    Belkar: Remember that kiss in Azure City V? That was on purpose.
    Vaarsuvius: Huh?
    Belkar: Time to finally see whats under this robe.
    V was sweating now.
    Vaarsuvius: Enough with your joke Belkar, I have a mate!
    Belkar ignoring V takes one of his knives cutting off the bottom half of Vaarsuvius' robes, V's underwear showing no hints on gender, much to Belkar's annoyance, but they did have two simple words on the front 'Explosive Runes'...

    Tell me what you think please :P
    __________________________________________________
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  27. - Top - End - #1017
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    Water-Smurf's Avatar

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table

    Quote Originally Posted by Discord View Post
    Now who wants to actually write that pairing?

    Quote Originally Posted by Zanaril View Post
    There's hardly any hints about Aarindarius in-comic, so it's probably safe to interpret his character however you like.

    You can always edit it later. I find it's easier to see what's wrong if you re-read something after a while.
    I know, and that's the reason I'm actually considering including hir in a story of mine, but since I usually suck at romance I wouldn't really feel confidant in making him do anything but pine...

    (But wait! I feel the tug in my mind and gut! A plot bunny is growing! What is it? Holy $*&@! It's a Vaarsuvius/Aarindarius bunny! Crap!)

    And thanks for the tip, by the way.

    Quote Originally Posted by WhereamI? View Post
    I joined as soon as I read some of these fanfics, I just knew I had to try one
    So I tried rolling and I got BelkarxVaarsuvius, One sided love, isn't exactly a freaky crack pairing but it all wrote itself in my head as I pictured it, so this is what I came up with.
    Spoiler
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    Vaarsuvius awoke suspended from the ceiling by the wrists, in the dark hull of the ship bearing the Order to the Western Continent.
    Vaarsuvius: What in the Nine Hells am I doing here?
    Belkar: Well your hanging from the ceiling for one thing.
    (sounds like something Belkar would say maybe?)
    Vaarsuvius: Belkar!? What kind of joke is it this time, I swear by all my power I-
    Belkar: No joke this time V, I'm completely serious about what I'm going to do.
    Vaarsuvius: What are you talking about?
    Belkar: Remember that kiss in Azure City V? That was on purpose.
    Vaarsuvius: Huh?
    Belkar: Time to finally see whats under this robe.
    V was sweating now.
    Vaarsuvius: Enough with your joke Belkar, I have a mate!
    Belkar ignoring V takes one of his knives cutting off the bottom half of Vaarsuvius' robes, V's underwear showing no hints on gender, much to Belkar's annoyance, but they did have two simple words on the front 'Explosive Runes'...
    Usually, I don't comment much on other's people's writing unless something really sticks out at me (which it does surprisingly often when dealing with fanfic) and I felt that I should point this out--sure, Belkar is a murderer and completely unrepentant about it, but he never struck me as someone who would ever consider sexual crimes outside of surprise kissing or slapping the butt of some cute waitress.
    Last edited by Water-Smurf; 2009-09-02 at 07:45 PM.

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    The April Squickies Award for Best Crack Pairing Story


    Thank you so much to Kaytara for the avatar! It's of Redcloak's and Vaarsuvius's love child.

  28. - Top - End - #1018
    Pixie in the Playground
     
    BardGuy

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table

    Quote Originally Posted by WhereamI? View Post
    Spoiler
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    Vaarsuvius awoke suspended from the ceiling by the wrists, in the dark hull of the ship bearing the Order to the Western Continent.
    Vaarsuvius: What in the Nine Hells am I doing here?
    Belkar: Well your hanging from the ceiling for one thing.
    (sounds like something Belkar would say maybe?)
    Vaarsuvius: Belkar!? What kind of joke is it this time, I swear by all my power I-
    Belkar: No joke this time V, I'm completely serious about what I'm going to do.
    Vaarsuvius: What are you talking about?
    Belkar: Remember that kiss in Azure City V? That was on purpose.
    Vaarsuvius: Huh?
    Belkar: Time to finally see whats under this robe.
    V was sweating now.
    Vaarsuvius: Enough with your joke Belkar, I have a mate!
    Belkar ignoring V takes one of his knives cutting off the bottom half of Vaarsuvius' robes, V's underwear showing no hints on gender, much to Belkar's annoyance, but they did have two simple words on the front 'Explosive Runes'...
    I did'nt expect that, and at the same time I did.
    Last edited by attilathepun; 2009-09-02 at 07:58 PM.



  29. - Top - End - #1019
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    Cracklord's Avatar

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table

    Quote Originally Posted by WhereamI? View Post
    I joined as soon as I read some of these fanfics, I just knew I had to try one
    So I tried rolling and I got BelkarxVaarsuvius, One sided love, isn't exactly a freaky crack pairing but it all wrote itself in my head as I pictured it, so this is what I came up with.
    Spoiler
    Show
    Vaarsuvius awoke suspended from the ceiling by the wrists, in the dark hull of the ship bearing the Order to the Western Continent.
    Vaarsuvius: What in the Nine Hells am I doing here?
    Belkar: Well your hanging from the ceiling for one thing.
    (sounds like something Belkar would say maybe?)
    Vaarsuvius: Belkar!? What kind of joke is it this time, I swear by all my power I-
    Belkar: No joke this time V, I'm completely serious about what I'm going to do.
    Vaarsuvius: What are you talking about?
    Belkar: Remember that kiss in Azure City V? That was on purpose.
    Vaarsuvius: Huh?
    Belkar: Time to finally see whats under this robe.
    V was sweating now.
    Vaarsuvius: Enough with your joke Belkar, I have a mate!
    Belkar ignoring V takes one of his knives cutting off the bottom half of Vaarsuvius' robes, V's underwear showing no hints on gender, much to Belkar's annoyance, but they did have two simple words on the front 'Explosive Runes'...

    Tell me what you think please :P
    __________________________________________________
    "Sweet merciful gods! My poor useless eyes!"
    Today's comic:
    Belkar: Did you just call me cutie?
    Nadir We,
    Youth Born,
    Blood Letters,
    Axe Weilders,
    Victors Still.

  30. - Top - End - #1020
    Troll in the Playground
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    Default Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table

    Okay, I'm rolling up some pairings for fun, but I've hit a little snag here...

    Who the heck is "Tanh"? *From list 2, number 4*
    Last edited by Trobby; 2009-09-02 at 08:42 PM.
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    Quote Originally Posted by PhoeKun View Post
    ...How does one cuddle mercilessly?
    Quote Originally Posted by Coidzor View Post
    Curse your Introbulosity!

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