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  1. - Top - End - #1171
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    Taekwondodo's Avatar

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table

    Quote Originally Posted by Sterm View Post
    What the nine bloody hells topic is this?
    *confused* it still says crack-pairings when you come in doesn't it?

    Avatar by me...yup that's how good my drawing is. As in not very good.

    Crack-Pairings, Not Dead Just Moved. Someone Hasn't Been Looking In The Right Places.


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    Quote Originally Posted by Caleniel View Post
    Taekwondodo - your nick and your avatar are terrific. I want to award you something... how about enough melons to see you through the next ice age?

  2. - Top - End - #1172
    Dwarf in the Playground
     
    RedWizardGuy

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table

    Quote Originally Posted by MasamuneSSX View Post
    Couldn't sleep, so I decided to tell another tale of lost love....

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    Durkon, slowly made his way down the mountain, his forehead still smarting from where his hammer had struck it. He was deeply confused – why had he, of all people, been asked to be a liaison with humans? It wasn't even as if he'd had much dealings with them in the past. Still, he was a Cleric of Thor and he would do his god's bidding. Understanding was not required.

    There was a small hamlet at the base of the mountain, at a crossroads that lead to a large human town nearby. The hamlet was little more than a couple of farmhouses and a large inn, the last place in which Durkon knew he could by dwarf ale. As he entered the inn, the place was relatively quiet – a couple of people sat in the corners, looking for passing adventurers but otherwise empty. The barman recognised Durkon as one of the quieter dwarfs and not prone to the drunken berserker rages that others were.

    “It's good ta see ye, lad.”

    “Greetings, Master Thundershield. A nice cold tankard for you?”

    “Aye, and keep 'em comin'.”

    As he began to feel the effects of the fifth tankard, Durkon became aware of another person sitting near him at the bar. A young human woman was sat behind a veritable forest of tankards, yet still seemed relatively sober. She projected an aura of sadness and resignation and Durkon sensed a kindred spirit.

    “Ye alright, lassie?”

    The woman turned towards him and he began to feel an unfamiliar urge building inside. Durkon found himself admiring the gentle curves of her supple body and the way her jet black hair flowed like a river. Most of all, he found himself drawn to her gaze, which held a mixture of defiance and sorrow.

    “No, I'm not alright. I've been sent away by my master to look after someone I've never even met. The worst bit is I haven't the slightest idea why they've asked this of me!” said the woman and she start to cry.

    She felt a brawny army wrap around her shoulders as the dwarf tried to comfort as best he could. He was strong and although his face was grim, his eyes told her that he was a kind and gentle soul, welcoming in this strange and unusual place.

    “What's ye name?”

    “Sabine, Mr Dwarf.”

    “Me name's Durkon. Pleased ta meet ye,” said Durkon, as he told her about the strange events that had brought him here this evening. A crack of thunder rolled outside and soon the gentle hiss of falling rain filled the room.

    “Damn it. I still have to travel a long way to meet my charge and I was hoping not to have to do it in this weather,” said Sabine.

    Durkon hesitated. As a cleric of Thor, he knew that sometimes that the sudden arrival of a storm could be a warning from his lord. As to what that warning was, he was unsure. Either way, he felt he couldn't let the young woman go out alone on a dark stormy night.

    “Why not come up to me room and share a drink, lass – the rain might ease off in a while.”

    Durkon felt his heart leap as Sabine smiled at him and their fingertips met.

    ********

    The ancient bed beneath them creaked and protested as they made passionate love. Sabine was on top and as she panted and gasped, she found herself surprised that Durkon's stocky frame hid a grace and agility she had not encountered in any of her previous lovers. Flashes of lightning illuminated them as they moved together and as Sabine reached a climax, she was unable to control herself and her wings burst forth from her back.

    Durkon gasped aloud, but it was a cry of horror rather than a moan of passion. Withdrawing, he grabbed his hammer and pulled away from Sabine.

    “YE'RE A FIEND?!”

    Finally Durkon understood the meaning behind the storm. He glared at the figure across the bed, who even now was struggling into her clothes.

    “I....I never meant to hurt you.....I loved you Durkon....” she sobbed.

    Durkon raised his hammer to attack, when suddenly Sabine burst through the window and flew off into the night, the sound of her cries following her. The storm began to clear, yet Durkon felt a black cloud hovering over his heart as he watched her fade into the distance...
    Nice, a little forbidden love. I love it!
    I Am A: Chaotic Good Human Sorcerer (3rd Level)
    Ability Scores:
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  3. - Top - End - #1173
    Ogre in the Playground
     
    Zanaril's Avatar

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table

    Quote Originally Posted by Sterm View Post
    What the nine bloody hells topic is this?
    One which you want to contribute to?
    This post may contain sarcasm.
    DeviantArt

  4. - Top - End - #1174
    Banned
     
    xelliea's Avatar

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table

    Quote Originally Posted by Minion992929 View Post
    Take your time. You shall come to love it.
    I know I do.

  5. - Top - End - #1175
    Dwarf in the Playground
     
    HalflingRangerGuy

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    eek Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table

    THIS THREAD IS AWESOME!!!!!!!!

    I just realized that Nothing on this thread is squicky to me at all!!!



    6 Cookies to anyone who can make a story that is squicky to me!
    High Priest of

  6. - Top - End - #1176
    Dwarf in the Playground
     
    BlueWizardGirl

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table

    I've been feeling a little lacking when it comes to my output, so I'll try to make up for it. I haven't got a story, sadly, but I do have the next best thing - a picture! Perfectly work-safe, though rabid old-school Star Trek fans may not want to click...

    Spoiler
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    In case you were wondering, yes, those are my dolls. And yes, they do cuddle like that. Almost all the time, in fact. I can't help it, they just look so cute together. In my defense, the relationship does make sense as much as any such thing can in a way - both are intelligent, logically-minded, nonhuman humanoids who tend towards verbosity and occasional snarking.

    Something interesting I've noticed - not only is V the most popular character for both story and banner, almost everything (meant seriously) involving our favorite androgyne is either sad and emotional or incredibly cute, while often both. It's like V just injects woobie-ness into everything.


    Avatar of Calder by Akrim.elf

  7. - Top - End - #1177
    Dwarf in the Playground
     
    HalflingRangerGuy

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    smile Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table

    Quote Originally Posted by Tira-chan View Post
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    Funny = You gain 1 Cookie *applause*
    High Priest of

  8. - Top - End - #1178
    Dwarf in the Playground
     
    BlueWizardGirl

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table

    Gee, thanks!

    Wow, an actual cookie... *stares at it in awe* I do have ideas for a short photostory to go with the pairing, but it would require a Kirk doll. (No, not for that, you perverts. Though I suppose V could narrate to someone instead... hmm...)


    Avatar of Calder by Akrim.elf

  9. - Top - End - #1179
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    BatRobin's Avatar

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table

    Ok, I get out my Diceshaker app...(On my iPod, same as rolling dice really)

    blah blah blah roll roll roll



    The Orc Chieftain x Haley x Kazumi with True Love.


    Someone. WRITE. THIS.

  10. - Top - End - #1180
    Dwarf in the Playground
     
    RedWizardGuy

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table

    Quote Originally Posted by Tira-chan View Post
    I've been feeling a little lacking when it comes to my output, so I'll try to make up for it. I haven't got a story, sadly, but I do have the next best thing - a picture! Perfectly work-safe, though rabid old-school Star Trek fans may not want to click...

    Spoiler
    Show


    In case you were wondering, yes, those are my dolls. And yes, they do cuddle like that. Almost all the time, in fact. I can't help it, they just look so cute together. In my defense, the relationship does make sense as much as any such thing can in a way - both are intelligent, logically-minded, nonhuman humanoids who tend towards verbosity and occasional snarking.

    Something interesting I've noticed - not only is V the most popular character for both story and banner, almost everything (meant seriously) involving our favorite androgyne is either sad and emotional or incredibly cute, while often both. It's like V just injects woobie-ness into everything.
    Yes, they can have many long conversations using complicated words under the stars. Also as for V, she/he is the village bicycle of the fandom, everyone has a ride eventually.
    Last edited by Malkar Grumbo; 2009-09-08 at 06:08 PM.
    I Am A: Chaotic Good Human Sorcerer (3rd Level)
    Ability Scores:
    Strength- 9
    Dexterity- 11
    Constitution- 11
    Intelligence- 12
    Wisdom- 11
    Charisma- 11

  11. - Top - End - #1181
    Halfling in the Playground
     
    Carnivorous M.'s Avatar

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table

    Quote Originally Posted by Malkar Grumbo View Post
    Also as for V, she/he is the village bicycle of the fandom, everyone has a ride eventually.
    -stifles laughter-
    "It must be humbling to suck on so many levels." -Sheldon Cooper, Big Bang Theory

    When life gives you lemons, tell Belkar it called him short and then laugh from a safe distance.

    Starving the trolls since 2004

    Proud inventor of the I-pod Throwing Star... I think.

    Feel free to click the clickies! (By that I mean DO IT NOW!)

  12. - Top - End - #1182
    Dwarf in the Playground
     
    RedWizardGuy

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table

    Quote Originally Posted by Malkar Grumbo View Post
    Also as for V, she/he is the village bicycle of the fandom, everyone has a ride eventually.
    In fact, that would make a funny picture. V riding a large multi-person bike with a bunch of other characters. I would love to see that. I would do it but my artistic ability is quite low.
    I Am A: Chaotic Good Human Sorcerer (3rd Level)
    Ability Scores:
    Strength- 9
    Dexterity- 11
    Constitution- 11
    Intelligence- 12
    Wisdom- 11
    Charisma- 11

  13. - Top - End - #1183
    Ogre in the Playground
     
    Cracklord's Avatar

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table

    Someone needs to write a crack about those girls Belkar just introduced him to.
    Nadir We,
    Youth Born,
    Blood Letters,
    Axe Weilders,
    Victors Still.

  14. - Top - End - #1184
    Ettin in the Playground
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    Default Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table

    Eh, go ahead and sign me up for the PM list.

    I most certainly meet those age requirements.

  15. - Top - End - #1185
    Ogre in the Playground
     
    Cracklord's Avatar

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table

    It's not used very often, as I don't really like writing smut, but someone asked me to do it. Once a month or so at the most.
    Nadir We,
    Youth Born,
    Blood Letters,
    Axe Weilders,
    Victors Still.

  16. - Top - End - #1186
    Dwarf in the Playground
     
    Saeyan's Avatar

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table

    oh gods what have i done
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  17. - Top - End - #1187
    Ogre in the Playground
     
    Zanaril's Avatar

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table

    Quote Originally Posted by Saeyan View Post
    oh gods what have i done
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    Fight, fight, fight, fight over Inkyrius!
    Last edited by Zanaril; 2009-09-09 at 09:36 AM.
    This post may contain sarcasm.
    DeviantArt

  18. - Top - End - #1188
    Troll in the Playground
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    Default Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table

    That is...actually pretty adorable.

    Also, sign me up for the PM list too. I know I only contributed a few stories (and not my best work, either), but hey, maybe I'll write some more if I feel like I'm part of the gang, eh?
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    Quote Originally Posted by PhoeKun View Post
    ...How does one cuddle mercilessly?
    Quote Originally Posted by Coidzor View Post
    Curse your Introbulosity!

  19. - Top - End - #1189
    Orc in the Playground
     
    Gimliggamer's Avatar

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    confused Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table

    I would like a pm for Wei-man's old story about THE GREATEST THIEVES IN THE ENTIRE WORLD!!!!!!!!/Overpriced Apples girl
    Last edited by Gimliggamer; 2009-09-09 at 01:12 PM.
    Dolla dolla bill, y'all

  20. - Top - End - #1190
    Dwarf in the Playground
     
    MindFlayer

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table

    Quote Originally Posted by Malkar Grumbo View Post
    In fact, that would make a funny picture. V riding a large multi-person bike with a bunch of other characters. I would love to see that. I would do it but my artistic ability is quite low.
    No, for sanity's sake never do it.
    When people told you that you were dumb, they were being nice.

  21. - Top - End - #1191
    Titan in the Playground
     
    MindFlayer

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table

    First I noticed all the odd signatures people had. Quite a few of them made me laugh, so I figured I'd take a look at this thread.

    First reaction: "WHAT THE?!"
    Second reaction: "Hey wait..."
    Third reaction: "HAH HAH HAH HAH!!"


    Other than the occassional "go-bleach-brain" story, a lot of what I read while skimming through this was hilarious! I love the idea of crack pairings that make no sense at all but get written up any way... The less sense they make, the better!

    Unfortunately, a friend of mine has my dice, so I myself cannot make any pairings at the moment... Bummer.



    Quote Originally Posted by BatRobin View Post
    The Orc Chieftain x Haley x Kazumi with True Love.


    Someone. WRITE. THIS.
    I will, however, take you up on that offer as soon as somebody reminds me who Kazumi is.
    Anemoia: Nostalgia for a time you've never known.

  22. - Top - End - #1192
    Ogre in the Playground
     
    Kaytara's Avatar

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table

    Quote Originally Posted by Lycan 01 View Post
    I will, however, take you up on that offer as soon as somebody reminds me who Kazumi is.
    The pregnant Redshirt-turned-Noble ninja-killer. :)

    Unfortunately, a friend of mine has my dice, so I myself cannot make any pairings at the moment... Bummer.
    There is no excuse.
    Online Die Roller
    *Above post: Additional terms and restrictions may apply.
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  23. - Top - End - #1193
    Ogre in the Playground
     
    Elfin's Avatar

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table

    Quote Originally Posted by Lycan 01 View Post
    First I noticed all the odd signatures people had. Quite a few of them made me laugh, so I figured I'd take a look at this thread.

    First reaction: "WHAT THE?!"
    Second reaction: "Hey wait..."
    Third reaction: "HAH HAH HAH HAH!!"
    Welcome to the Crack Pairings Thread!
    Last edited by Elfin; 2009-09-09 at 03:04 PM.

  24. - Top - End - #1194
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
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    Default Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table

    Crystal and Lord Kubota w/ Pregnancy.


    Hoo boy.

  25. - Top - End - #1195
    Halfling in the Playground
     
    Carnivorous M.'s Avatar

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table

    Quote Originally Posted by BatRobin View Post
    Crystal and Lord Kubota w/ Pregnancy.


    Hoo boy.
    Crystal runs across some really, really good-smelling ashes one day, and things go downhill from there...
    Last edited by Carnivorous M.; 2009-09-09 at 03:47 PM.
    "It must be humbling to suck on so many levels." -Sheldon Cooper, Big Bang Theory

    When life gives you lemons, tell Belkar it called him short and then laugh from a safe distance.

    Starving the trolls since 2004

    Proud inventor of the I-pod Throwing Star... I think.

    Feel free to click the clickies! (By that I mean DO IT NOW!)

  26. - Top - End - #1196
    Ogre in the Playground
     
    Zanaril's Avatar

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table

    Quote Originally Posted by Carnivorous M. View Post
    Crystal runs across some really, really good-smelling ashes one day, and things go downhill from there...
    Crystal: Wow, these ashes are really hot!
    This post may contain sarcasm.
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  27. - Top - End - #1197
    Halfling in the Playground
     
    Carnivorous M.'s Avatar

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table

    -Ba-dum-TISH-
    "It must be humbling to suck on so many levels." -Sheldon Cooper, Big Bang Theory

    When life gives you lemons, tell Belkar it called him short and then laugh from a safe distance.

    Starving the trolls since 2004

    Proud inventor of the I-pod Throwing Star... I think.

    Feel free to click the clickies! (By that I mean DO IT NOW!)

  28. - Top - End - #1198
    Titan in the Playground
     
    MindFlayer

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table

    Okay, lets see what I can do...


    Orc Chief Grukgruk x Haley x Kazumi (True Love)

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    One day Chief Grukgruk, the Orc who'd helped to lead his people into the comedic glory of Giggles the Puppet-god of Slapstick, recieved a letter. Luckily, it had been written with very simple grammar and lots of stick figures, so he got the gist of it. Apparently, Lord Hinjo, the man who's underlings had helped bring Chief Grukgruk's tribe out of their ignorant worship of Banjo, had invited Chief Grukgruk to his kingdom as a sign of good will between their kingdoms. Lord Shinjo believed that they would make better allies than enemies... and plus there would be pie. Chief Grukgruk could not argue with pie. (Giggles forbid arguing with pie, after all...)

    At some indeterminable point in time later, Chief Grukgruk, Shaman Vurkle, and a few other orcs wearing orange and red robes found themselves in the court of Lord Shinjo. While Lord Shinjo was seated in the center of the room, several other people were sitting around the sides of room, including several humans that looked oddly familiar. (Order of the Stick is there to say hi...) Chief Grukgruk let Shaman Vurkle do all the talking for two reasons - 1, Vurkle was a Shaman, and Shinjo was a Paladin, so Chief Grukgruk assumed they'd understand each other a bit better since they were both religious guys. 2, the raven-haired noblewoman (Kazumi) standing in one corner of the room looked really, really hot. Chief Grukgruk began to make small steps to the side, slowly creeping across the room and over to the lady who'd caught his eyes.

    "Hi, my name Chief Grukgruk. What your name?" Chief Grukgruk introduced himself with a small bow, which made the bones atop his head rattle.

    "Kazumi Kato..." the noblewoman replied, wincing from the aura of stank that permeated the air around Chief Grukgruk.

    "Kazumi Kato," Chief Grukgruk grinned stupidly, Chief Grukgruk thinks he's in love.

    Dead silence followed, naturally. Kazumi's expression was one of shock, Lord Shinjo stopped talking and stared in confusion, and the Order of the Stick began to place bets on amongst themselves on how this would turn out. Everyone except for Haley, of course... She just sat there, mouth agape. Finally, Shaman Vurkle broke the silence. Hurray! Shaman Vurkle finally gets to do marriage rites of Giggles! He took long time to write them in way that properly shows love of Giggles in the happy union. Somebody go get slapping sticks!"

    "Marriage?!" Kazumi gasped, taking a step back. "I- Uh... I don't think my husband Daigo would like that very much!" (Daigo was not there, since he was off taking care of the future air of House Kato...)

    "Daigo? Why that name sound familair?" Chief Grukgruk scratched his green chin in confusion.

    "That scrawny guy we tried to sacrifice to Banjo, in our ignorance..." Shaman Vurkle interjected.

    "Ah, fond memories..." Elan sighed from beside Haley, who was still staring with her mouth open in shock.

    "Ah. Right. Yeah, Chief Grukgruk take good care of you if you be his wife. You much better off with Chief Grukgruk!" the Chief exclaimed triumphantly.

    "No she's not!" Haley's voice suddenly filled the court of Lord Hinjo.

    "She's not?" a chorus of confused voices answered back.

    "No, she's not!" Haley snarled, jumping up onto the table the Order of the Stick was seated at. "And Chief Grukgruk wouldn't be better off with her!"

    "Who he better off with, then?" Chief Grukgruk cocked his head to the side, rattling his bone hat yet again.

    "ME!!" Haley yelled, pointing at herself. "Don't you remember me?! Try to imagine me with long hair, instead of this haircut..."

    Chief Grukgruk gasped. He began to experience a flashback, remembering many years ago when a merchant ship had stopped by his island to trade goods with his people. He recalled a young woman who'd snuck off the ship and plundered his camp, stealing many things from him... including his heart. In the few days the ship's crew was on the island, Chief Grukgruk and the thief had grown very close... and had even fallen in love. But alas, the woman had to leave with the ship, for she had a mission in her life that still required completing. But she'd promised that one day, they be re-united... and they could share their true love yet again. And since the day he'd watched that ship dissappear over the horizon, Chief Grukgruk had looked forward to the day he'd see Haley Starshine again. "H-Haley?! Chief Grukgruk not believe it!" the Chief exclaimed as he began to ran towards the table.

    "You'd better believe it!" Haley yelled, leaping off the table and into Chief Grukgruk's awaiting arms. "So if anybody is getting married, its us!"

    "Fine by me!" Chief Grukgruk grinned. "Shaman Vurkle, fetch the slapping sticks! You has marriage to do!"

    "Yaaaaaay! Shaman Vurkle exclaimed, waving his arms in the air.

    "WAAAAHAHAHAHAHA!!" Elan wailed, his tear-drenched face collapsing into his hands. "WAAAAAHH!!"

    "There, there, lad..." Durkon patted the Bard on the back. "Aye, too, have known tha stinging pain of heartbreak..."

    "Its not that!" wailed Elan. "Its just... That was such an epic plot twist! IT WAS SO BEAUTIFUL!! BUHWUHAHAHAH....."

    "Riiiiight..." Durkon blinked confusedly.

    "So now that Haley's left you, who you gonna play the hero for now?" Belkar arched an eyebrow. "The only other chick who's ever had the hots for you was that half-Orc ninja you told us about..."

    "Oh, you mean Therkla?" Shaman Vurkle suddenly asked. "Giggles showed Shaman Vurkle the wonders of resurrection. Very handy when worship services include mass beatings..."

    "Sooo..." Elan suddenly looked up from his tear-fest, a confused look on his face. "What you're saying is-"

    Elan was interupted by an orange and red robed Orc looming up from nowhere behind him. The orc suddenly threw back the hood of its robe, revealing Therkla. "So what was that you wrote about an awesome girlfriend on my tombstone?"

    "Shaman Vurkle!" Elan yelled back to the Orc. "Get more slapping sticks! We're going to have a second wedding!"

    ---

    "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!!!!!!!!!" Xykon suddenly screamed, flailing his arms and legs as he rolled out of his bed and onto the floor. The impact set his left arm skittering across the floor, and Lich panted for breath as he tried to rationalize the nightmare he'd just had. "Pant... pant... pant... Phew... Just a nightmare... Just a nightmare... Phew..."

    "Hey boss..." Redcloak suddenly entered Xykon's bedroom, a letter in his hand. "Apparently, we've been invited to a wedding for some Orcs and the Order of the stick..."

    "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!!!!!" Xykon screamed, once again flopping out of his bed and onto the floor. This time, both his arms popped out of socket and skidded to opposite sides of the room. "*%@#ING DOUBLE DREAMS!! GRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAGHHRRRGGG!!!!"



    Phew... Okay... That was not supposed to be that long... but I was bored, and I hate leaving loose ends, even for crack fics...
    Anemoia: Nostalgia for a time you've never known.

  29. - Top - End - #1199
    Ogre in the Playground
     
    Cracklord's Avatar

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table

    Reminds me of my chief Grukgruk story...
    Nadir We,
    Youth Born,
    Blood Letters,
    Axe Weilders,
    Victors Still.

  30. - Top - End - #1200
    Titan in the Playground
     
    MindFlayer

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings Matchup Table

    Please don't tell me I spent all that time writing something that has already been done...
    Anemoia: Nostalgia for a time you've never known.

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