New OOTS products from CafePress
New OOTS t-shirts, ornaments, mugs, bags, and more
Page 2 of 50 FirstFirst 12345678910111227 ... LastLast
Results 31 to 60 of 1486
  1. - Top - End - #31
    Titan in the Playground
     
    MindFlayer

    Join Date
    Apr 2008
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: Crack Pairings II - Brain Bleach not Supplied



    Ooooooh...

    What Rustic Dude wrote:
    "That list lacks the Peter Griffin/Xykon Crack Pairing. Therefore, it's not perfect."
    What I read:
    This thread lacks a Peter Griffin/Xykon Crack Pairing. Therefore, it's not perfect."
    Silly me.


    Oh right, Miko x Redcloak. Um... Quick question: What is the opposite of a Paladin? Like... what sort of classes fall into the "evil Paladin" category? I hate to mess up small details, and I'm trying to make sure this story makes SOME sense...
    Anemoia: Nostalgia for a time you've never known.

  2. - Top - End - #32
    Banned
     
    yubel's Avatar

    Join Date
    Aug 2009
    Location
    UK
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: Crack Pairings II - Brain Bleach not Supplied

    Stewie griffin and Thog

    (inspired by the Xykon and peter)

    Spoiler
    Show

    Stewie: ... At least I don't date people who are as dumb as a brick.
    Brian: You mean like that orc.
    Cuts to Stewie and Thog in an Inn, kissing.
    Thog: thog like cutaway scenes
    Cuts back to stewie and brian.
    Stewie: Damn
    Brian:


    my first story, sorry if it is out of character or spelt wrong.
    A quick banner of this could be funny.
    Last edited by yubel; 2009-09-15 at 02:44 PM.

  3. - Top - End - #33
    Ogre in the Playground
     
    Dark Faun's Avatar

    Join Date
    May 2009
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: Crack Pairings II - Brain Bleach not Supplied

    Quote Originally Posted by Lycan 01 View Post
    Oh right, Miko x Redcloak. Um... Quick question: What is the opposite of a Paladin? Like... what sort of classes fall into the "evil Paladin" category? I hate to mess up small details, and I'm trying to make sure this story makes SOME sense...
    Blackguard. Sabine approves.

    It's a prestige class though, so I don't know if Miko can apply. Paladin of Tyranny (Lawful Evil) or of Slaughter (Chaotic Evil) may be better alternatives.
    Last edited by Dark Faun; 2009-09-15 at 02:51 PM.
    Formerly known as Discord here and Maladin on avatarspirit.net.

  4. - Top - End - #34
    Pixie in the Playground
     
    Flumph

    Join Date
    May 2008
    Location
    Netherlands
    Gender
    Male

    eek Re: Crack Pairings II - Brain Bleach not Supplied

    Why are the pairings I roll 1) involving characters I don't know enough about, 2) boring pairs, or 3) downright terminally insane?

    I mean, the last one I got:

    Gender-switched Roy's sword + Bone golem Roy

    Stuck on a desert island + True love


    I mean: what?!?

    I imagine I could write some of it, but how do you deal with a gender-switched sword? In fact, what is a gender-switched sword?

  5. - Top - End - #35
    Titan in the Playground
     
    MindFlayer

    Join Date
    Apr 2008
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: Crack Pairings II - Brain Bleach not Supplied

    A bow?

    Actually, its either a shield, a bow, or the sword's sheath... They're all the "opposite" of a sword, in some way.
    Anemoia: Nostalgia for a time you've never known.

  6. - Top - End - #36
    Dwarf in the Playground
     
    BlueKnightGuy

    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    Location
    Wisconsin, U.S.A.
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: Crack Pairings II - Brain Bleach not Supplied

    Quote Originally Posted by Dra-Goon View Post
    The Eye of Fear and Flame + Haley

    American Japanese high school setting

    Gah, and now I need to keep it PG-13. Ah, let's not bother too much with plot (and of course use all the anime stereotypes...). Probably quite NSFW towards the end:
    Spoiler
    Show

    Haley adjusted her uniform. She pulled her shirt straight, and checked whether her skirt was still in one piece.

    She had just come off the Tokio underground, and again the women-only carriages had been full. So she had to take the mixed ones, full of the usual pervs. They had tried to molest her, as usual, but after what she had done to them, they'd never try again. The main issue with her solution would be that she just filled the women-only carriages a bit more... She did hope that none of them would circulate under-skirt mobile phone panty shots of her on the internet as a revenge.

    But of course, all that was nothing compared to what she would have to do today. Haley grinned. The school she went to had been possessed by a truly evil demon. She really had to eradicate it today, otherwise the Order would be rather unhappy with her. Haley set off to her highschool in a determined mind.

    Once there, she greeted several of her classmates. She quickly took the stairs to the second floor. But before she could reach it, someone called out her name.

    "Hey Haley!"

    Haley turned around. Of course it was him. Elan. Another member of the Order, but one that was kept out of the more 'special' operations. Why now?!? Just when she didn't need him at all. Elan ran to her, his blonde-tainted hair waving up and down.

    "Look, Haley, I can make a puppet illusion with blue clothes!" With these words Elan showed off his newest puppet illusion. Haley looked at it, told him it was looking "Real good", and then made use of his puppet-obsession by pointing out some non-existing puppets and quickly slipping away while Elan looked for the puppets.

    Haley quickly reached the second floor, and walked straight to the Biology Class. She carefully pushed open the door. No-one was there, as Biology classes only happened in the afternoon. She equally carefully closed the door, locked it, and walked to a cupboard. There He sat. His hollow orbits dark with emptyness, his bare bones hidden in the shadows. Although just a skull, this was a creature of pure evil, a tremendous demon from the nether dimensions. It spoke:

    "Hey, chickie, come again to get spanked?"
    "Nah, today it's you that is going to get spanked."
    "Really?"

    The skull's hollow orbits suddenly flamed with fire, and it launched itself out of the cupboard, narrowly missing Haley's head. The draft created by the sudden movement caused Haley to lose balance. She fell backwards. When she tried to right herself, she spotted the skull carefully inspecting her nether areas.

    "Fancy panties, chickie. Pink with light blue lines. Mmmmmh, tasty birdie."
    "Eye of Fear and Flame, you PERV! But this time I came prepared! Bag of Holding!"

    Taking out her bag of holding, Haley plunged her hand into it, pulling a lighted firecracker out. She threw it right in front of the Eye, temporarilly blinding it. Haley lunged at the skull, and clasped her hands around it. The Eye of Fear and Flame gasped. Kneeling down, Haley brought it to the same level as her own head. She said, with malice in her eyes:

    "I told you today was my turn."

    (NSFW from here)
    Spoiler
    Show

    With these words she drew the skull closer to her face. She licked her lips. This was going to be fun. She then kissed the Eye right on his fleshless mouth. As again he gasped, she pushed her tongue into his mouth, licking his bare teeth and jaws, while at the same time stroking the back of the skull. She could see the fire in its eyesockets flare up. She moved her right hand so that she could hold the Eye tightly against her lips one-handed. With her left hand she began unbuttoning her shirt, revealing a sexy pink frilly bra. She pulled away from the skull. Pointing its eyesockets at her chest she said:

    "Here, want to go down a bit?"

    The Eye of Fear and Flame didn't answer. It oggled Haley's bra instead.

    "I'll make it a bit easier for you. Like this." Grinning, Haley pulled down her bra, and lowered the Eye. "You may call me "Mistress", by the way."
    The Eye stammered "A-Ar-Are y-you going to str-strip entirely?"
    ""Mistress"."
    "Are you going to strip entirely, Mistress?"
    "No, not entirely. Just enough for you to do your job."

    Haley pushed the Eye against her chest, this time gasping herself. She then flicked up her short skirt, and slipped down her remaining hand...



    And I'll stop there.

    I think you just won the Brain Bleach award of the year ....
    My name is actually supposed to be "Carnivorous Bean," but I didn't realize that it didn't fit until after I'd pressed the okay button.

  7. - Top - End - #37
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    BatRobin's Avatar

    Join Date
    Mar 2009
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: Crack Pairings II - Brain Bleach not Supplied

    Ahhh, the very first Crack Pairing ever, even before the threads began, Miko x Redcloak.


    Technically, something similar to a Crimson Mantle Bearer is the opposite of a Paladin, but Blackguard works.


    Ok, THIS post I'll edit with rolls to add to the queue.
    ----------------------------

    Elan x Dorukan
    Last edited by BatRobin; 2009-09-15 at 03:14 PM.

  8. - Top - End - #38
    Ogre in the Playground
     
    Dark Faun's Avatar

    Join Date
    May 2009
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: Crack Pairings II - Brain Bleach not Supplied

    Quote Originally Posted by BatRobin View Post
    Ahhh, the very first Crack Pairing ever, even before the threads began, Miko x Redcloak.
    I thought it was Miko x Belkar? Or Vaarsuvius x Belkar? (If only because of the "Belkar's romantic interest" thread...)
    Formerly known as Discord here and Maladin on avatarspirit.net.

  9. - Top - End - #39
    Titan in the Playground
     
    MindFlayer

    Join Date
    Apr 2008
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: Crack Pairings II - Brain Bleach not Supplied

    Okay, another quick question...

    Lets say... hypothetically... that a deceased lawfull good paladin were to be... oh... say... revived by the forces of evil... Now, the question is, what would said paladin be best revived as? A Blackguard? A Death Knight? Or a mindless zombie?

    Blackguard would give the paladin plenty of "internal struggle" material, and allow them to hang on to their humanity. They still get to enjoy all the best things in life - eating, sleeping, crack pairings, et cetera - but at the same time they get to be evil. Yay! Plus, they get a nifty black cape that flows in the wind...

    Death Knight would be effectively evil and powerful, but the paladin would be losing their humanity and any hope of redemption. Unfortunately, they lose all the best things in life - the feeling of the wind on their face, the gentle touch of another's love, coffee... But at the same time, they become immortal and much more powerful than they could have ever imagined. And its not so much "internal conflict" as "descent into madness" material, but who's to say that's a bad thing? And its a friggin Lich with a sword - how cool is that?!

    Mindless zombie would be... boring.



    So yeah, Blackguard, or Death Knight? Which would be the be the... most interesting... scenario? I can make either one work great. Blackguard maintains their humanity and has the whole "I could be good again" struggle to work with, but Death Knight's are cooler and have the whole "I can never be good again" realization to subject the character to. Yeah, I know, I'm evil.
    Anemoia: Nostalgia for a time you've never known.

  10. - Top - End - #40

    Default Re: Crack Pairings II - Brain Bleach not Supplied

    Quote Originally Posted by Discord View Post
    I thought it was Miko x Belkar? Or Vaarsuvius x Belkar? (If only because of the "Belkar's romantic interest" thread...)
    Psh, it was Dead Goblin 1 x Dead Goblin 2 from the very first comic.
    It's been a bit, GitP. If you're reading this, you're either digging through old stuff, or I've posted for the first time in forever.

    If you want to stay in touch, reach out to me on twitter (same username).

    The best answer is always to ask your DM.
    Unless you're the DM, in which case you should talk to your players.

  11. - Top - End - #41
    Pixie in the Playground
     
    Shining Sadist's Avatar

    Join Date
    Jul 2009
    Location
    PA
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: Crack Pairings II - Brain Bleach not Supplied

    I would like to request that my Haleys DadxArgent be removed from the list until I find time to make it good. I had no idea that people were actually writing fiction, not just little explanations. Hopefully by this weekend I will have something good to put up.
    Ninjas can't catch you when you're on fire.

    Thanks to Specter for the avatar

  12. - Top - End - #42
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    BatRobin's Avatar

    Join Date
    Mar 2009
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: Crack Pairings II - Brain Bleach not Supplied

    Quote Originally Posted by Shining Sadist View Post
    I would like to request that my Haleys DadxArgent be removed from the list until I find time to make it good. I had no idea that people were actually writing fiction, not just little explanations. Hopefully by this weekend I will have something good to put up.
    Uhhh...just let someone else write it or let it stay and wait to write it, no reason for removal if you're gonna write it.

  13. - Top - End - #43

    Default Re: Crack Pairings II - Brain Bleach not Supplied

    Quote Originally Posted by BatRobin View Post
    Uhhh...just let someone else write it or let it stay and wait to write it, no reason for removal if you're gonna write it.
    I think you misunderstood him.

    He wants his previous version removed so he can replace it with a superior version.
    It's been a bit, GitP. If you're reading this, you're either digging through old stuff, or I've posted for the first time in forever.

    If you want to stay in touch, reach out to me on twitter (same username).

    The best answer is always to ask your DM.
    Unless you're the DM, in which case you should talk to your players.

  14. - Top - End - #44
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    BatRobin's Avatar

    Join Date
    Mar 2009
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: Crack Pairings II - Brain Bleach not Supplied

    Quote Originally Posted by The Dark Fiddler View Post
    I think you misunderstood him.

    He wants his previous version removed so he can replace it with a superior version.
    Ohhhhhhhhhhhh.



    *facepalm*

    Nevermind my previous post then.

  15. - Top - End - #45
    Orc in the Playground
     
    Ariko's Avatar

    Join Date
    Jan 2007
    Gender
    Female

    Default Re: Crack Pairings II - Brain Bleach not Supplied

    Quote Originally Posted by Dra-Goon View Post
    Why are the pairings I roll 1) involving characters I don't know enough about, 2) boring pairs, or 3) downright terminally insane?

    I mean, the last one I got:

    Gender-switched Roy's sword + Bone golem Roy

    Stuck on a desert island + True love


    I mean: what?!?

    I imagine I could write some of it, but how do you deal with a gender-switched sword? In fact, what is a gender-switched sword?
    I once got Roy's sword, dragon hoard, and zombie dragon head. all gender switched
    I has Trophies!
    Spoiler
    Show

  16. - Top - End - #46
    Pixie in the Playground
     
    RedWizardGuy

    Join Date
    Jan 2009
    Location
    At my computer
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: Crack Pairings II - Brain Bleach not Supplied

    It buuuuuurns! It burns so much... Sniff.
    Quote Originally Posted by [TS] Shadow View Post
    Make him watch High School Musical. That'll kill anything.
    30 people want more Thog. If YOU want more Thog, pm me.

  17. - Top - End - #47
    Titan in the Playground
     
    MindFlayer

    Join Date
    Apr 2008
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: Crack Pairings II - Brain Bleach not Supplied

    Hm. Nobody wants to weigh in on the Blackguard vs. Death Knight plot debate? Bummer...

    Oh well. My girlfriend has advised that Death Knight would be the most... interesting choice. Oh, and Xykon likes the idea, too. So it looks like we're going with Death Knight!

    : LET THE REAPING BEGIN!!
    : Who let that guy in here?



    Miko x Redcloak

    PART ONE
    Spoiler
    Show

    Darkness. Miko Miyazaki was in darkness. It was all she could see. She tried to move, but... there was nothing to move. She felt nothing... It was as though her consciousness was lost in a void, with no escape.

    She tried to remember. She struggled to recall how she'd ended up here. The memories were few and far between. The Fall... The Gate... The Afterlife... Nothing more than faint glimpses and brief fragments...

    Voices. There were voices around her. They were... familiar. Strangely familiar. Miko found herself feeling... alarmed, for some reason. But... why?

    The darkness began to fade into a shadowy haze. There were... shapes, in the twilight. Figures... Talking amongst themselves, they leaned in and out of her field of vision. Slowly, the darkness gave way to blurs. And soon, the blurs gave way to faces.

    Miko found herself staring into the dark, soul-less eye sockets of the vile Lich known as Xykon, the beady red orbs of evil that served as his pupils focused intently on her. "At last..." he crooned dramatically, "My Queen awakes!"

    Miko screamed. And as she heard her own voice, her scream only intensified. Her voice was no longer her own. It had become... hollow. Inhuman... The horror only grew as she realized that no matter how much she screamed, she hadn't yet stopped to take a breath. Needless to say, the screaming did not stop for quite some time...

    "Sir, that was totally uncalled for..." Redcloak groaned from Xykon's right, ignoring Miko's terrified shrieks and howls.

    "According to you, maybe..." Xykon cheerfully shrugged.

    "I wonder how long it will take her to stop screaming?" Tsukiko asked from Xykon's left.

    "Who cares? Enjoy it while it lasts..." Xykon replied, basking in his handywork.

    "Well, I for one wanted to get this over with as soon as possible..." Redcloak sighed. He suddenly leaned in closer to Miko, and got eye-to-eye with her. "STOP. SCREAMING." he snarled.

    Miko stopped screaming. She tried to lash out with her first, but found that her arms were not responding. It seemed as though she was tightly bound, lashed against a wall or some other surface. She narrowed her eyes with the Goblin, and growled: "You... High Priest of the Dark One..." she growled, trying to ignore the unsettling sound of her own voice, "If you think, for one second, that I will allow myself to be that abominations slave, let alone Queen, you are SORELY MISTAKEN!!"

    Redcloak sighed. "You've been misled. You are not Xykon's bride-to-be. Consider yourself lucky in that regard..."

    "Then why am I here?" Miko growled. "How am I here?"

    "You're here because we got bored!" Xykon happily quiped, pushing Redcloak out of the way and leaning in so he himself could be eye-to-eye with Miko. "And as for how..." somehow, his skull seemed to be grinning. "First, we found your body. We thought about turning you into a zombie, but... where's the fun in that?"

    "The... fun?" Miko asked, confused, and with a growing sense of dread.

    "Oh yes, the fun..." Xykon tilted his head from side to side. "Eventually, we just... um... Redcloak, what did we do with her, again?"

    "We left her in storage room 17..." Redcloak sighed. "For three months..."

    "So that's where you were hiding her!" Tsukiko whined.

    "Right, anyway..." Xykon shrugged, returning his attention to Miko. "So yeah, we got bored. And guess what? You were the cure to our boredome..."

    "So... You Resurrected me in order to torture me? Heh heh heh..." Miko chuckled. "Well, I'm sorry to dissappoint you, fiend, but I will give you no such enjoyment. A Paladin of the Sapphire Guard would NEVER succumb to your worst torments!"

    "You're right..." Xykon shrugged. "A Paladin of the Sapphire Guard is one tough nut to crack. What was that one guy's name? You know, the beard-y dude?"

    "O-Chul..." Redcloak grumbled.

    "Right, whatever..." Xykon dismissed Redcloak with a wave of his hand. "Yeah, Beard-y dude never cracked. He was a real great example of what the Sapphire Guard has to offer. But... there's just one problem, in your case. You're no longer a Paladin of the Sapphire Guard..."

    "The color of my cape is by no means a representation of my heart..." Miko replied coldly.

    "Yeah, it goes a bit beyond you cape, sweetie..." Tsukiko grinned from over Xykon's shoulder, pulling a mirror from behind her back and offering it to Xykon.

    "Yeah... As I was saying... You're no longer a Paladin of the Sapphire Guard. You're no longer even remotely good. In fact..." Xykon took the mirror, and held it up in front of Miko's face. "You're no longer even human."

    Miko found herself looking at an image of a skull in the mirror. Pale, bleached, and wreathed in long, pitch-black hair, the skull grinned back at her with empty eye sockets and glowing red pupils. The horrid realization that it was her own skull was too much for Miko Miyazaki to bear, and she let loose a hideous, inhuman scream which echoed into oblivion. "WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO ME?!" she howled. She attempted to lunge forward, but the bindings holding her back held strong.

    "Um... Well..." Xykon tossed the mirror over his shoulder (: Isn't that 7 years bad luck?) and began to scratch at his jawbone. "The short answer is, we put all our abilities together and managed to whip you up into a Death Knight."

    "HOW DARE YOU TRANSFORM ME INTO SUCH AN UNSPEAKABLE MONSTROSITY!!!!!" Miko snarled, struggling violently to get free and tear the Lich apart.

    "But the long answer..." Xykon continued, folding his hands together in a business-like manner, "We've given you a second chance."

    "A SECOND CHANCE AT WHAT?!" Miko snarled viciously. "MY LIFE WAS OVER!! I DIED WITH HONOR, AND NO REGRETS!! WHAT COULD YOU POSSIBLY HAVE TO OFFER ME?!"

    "Revenge against the people who landed you in this position to start with..." Xykon crooned, "The Order of the Stick."

    Miko stopped struggling. "What?"

    "Think about it..." Xykon unfolded his hands and tapped his temples. "They did this to you, when you stop and think about it. They ruined your life. They tricked you into doing the things that eventually cost you your Paladin-hood. They robbed you of your glory. Your life. You're honor. But now, you have the chance to right those wrongs. Yes, you're a Death Knight. Yes... you're Evil now. But sometimes, Evil has a purpose in the Greater Good. Murders must be committed so that others may live. Property must be stolen or damaged so that worse consequences can be avoided. Lies must be told so that the truth itself may survive. Sometimes you have to kill cute little animals in order to feed starving children! And in your case... So what if you have to be Evil? The Order of the Stick was, is, and will be worse than anything you could ever be capable of, Paladin or Death Knight. What matters is that the Order of the Stick, the villains that they are, will be held accountable for their actions. They will be punished. They will be purged. By you, in the name of Evil, for purpose of Good. Now... How does that sound to you?"

    Miko sat there, contemplating what the Lich had said. Slowly but surely, gears were turning in her head. Finally, Miko locked eyes with Xykon and gave him her answer: "Release me, that I may begin preparing for my purpose."

    "That'a girl!" Xykon cheered, clapping his hands together happily. "Redcloak, Tsukiko, release her..." The two underlings came forward, and unstrapped Miko from what turned out to be an up-turned table. As the Paladin-turned-Death Knight slowly staggered forward and tried to steady her balance, Xykon sighed contently. "Her first steps... Oh, I'm so proud!"

    "Don't worry..." Redcloak whispered to Miko as she wobbled back and forth, "You'll get used to it."

    "Being a monster?" she muttered back at the Goblin.

    "No..." Redcloak sighed, "Working with Xykon..."


    PHEW!! I thought I'd never be done!



    Well... What do ya'll think?
    Anemoia: Nostalgia for a time you've never known.

  18. - Top - End - #48
    Ogre in the Playground
     
    Dark Faun's Avatar

    Join Date
    May 2009
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: Crack Pairings II - Brain Bleach not Supplied

    Wow. That's good. Like, really good. You wrote Xykon as the funny villain and the dangerous manipulator he is! Good job.

    Wait, does this mean Redcloak will end up kissing a skull? Ew.

    Redcloak's smaller font and the demon roach's comment were particularly nice touches.
    Formerly known as Discord here and Maladin on avatarspirit.net.

  19. - Top - End - #49
    Orc in the Playground
     
    TheBibliophile's Avatar

    Join Date
    Jul 2009
    Location
    Near St Andews, Scotland.
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: Crack Pairings II - Brain Bleach not Supplied

    Quote Originally Posted by Lycan 01 View Post
    Miko x Redcloak

    PART ONE
    Spoiler
    Show

    Darkness. Miko Miyazaki was in darkness. It was all she could see. She tried to move, but... there was nothing to move. She felt nothing... It was as though her consciousness was lost in a void, with no escape.

    She tried to remember. She struggled to recall how she'd ended up here. The memories were few and far between. The Fall... The Gate... The Afterlife... Nothing more than faint glimpses and brief fragments...

    Voices. There were voices around her. They were... familiar. Strangely familiar. Miko found herself feeling... alarmed, for some reason. But... why?

    The darkness began to fade into a shadowy haze. There were... shapes, in the twilight. Figures... Talking amongst themselves, they leaned in and out of her field of vision. Slowly, the darkness gave way to blurs. And soon, the blurs gave way to faces.

    Miko found herself staring into the dark, soul-less eye sockets of the vile Lich known as Xykon, the beady red orbs of evil that served as his pupils focused intently on her. "At last..." he crooned dramatically, "My Queen awakes!"

    Miko screamed. And as she heard her own voice, her scream only intensified. Her voice was no longer her own. It had become... hollow. Inhuman... The horror only grew as she realized that no matter how much she screamed, she hadn't yet stopped to take a breath. Needless to say, the screaming did not stop for quite some time...

    "Sir, that was totally uncalled for..." Redcloak groaned from Xykon's right, ignoring Miko's terrified shrieks and howls.

    "According to you, maybe..." Xykon cheerfully shrugged.

    "I wonder how long it will take her to stop screaming?" Tsukiko asked from Xykon's left.

    "Who cares? Enjoy it while it lasts..." Xykon replied, basking in his handywork.

    "Well, I for one wanted to get this over with as soon as possible..." Redcloak sighed. He suddenly leaned in closer to Miko, and got eye-to-eye with her. "STOP. SCREAMING." he snarled.

    Miko stopped screaming. She tried to lash out with her first, but found that her arms were not responding. It seemed as though she was tightly bound, lashed against a wall or some other surface. She narrowed her eyes with the Goblin, and growled: "You... High Priest of the Dark One..." she growled, trying to ignore the unsettling sound of her own voice, "If you think, for one second, that I will allow myself to be that abominations slave, let alone Queen, you are SORELY MISTAKEN!!"

    Redcloak sighed. "You've been misled. You are not Xykon's bride-to-be. Consider yourself lucky in that regard..."

    "Then why am I here?" Miko growled. "How am I here?"

    "You're here because we got bored!" Xykon happily quiped, pushing Redcloak out of the way and leaning in so he himself could be eye-to-eye with Miko. "And as for how..." somehow, his skull seemed to be grinning. "First, we found your body. We thought about turning you into a zombie, but... where's the fun in that?"

    "The... fun?" Miko asked, confused, and with a growing sense of dread.

    "Oh yes, the fun..." Xykon tilted his head from side to side. "Eventually, we just... um... Redcloak, what did we do with her, again?"

    "We left her in storage room 17..." Redcloak sighed. "For three months..."

    "So that's where you were hiding her!" Tsukiko whined.

    "Right, anyway..." Xykon shrugged, returning his attention to Miko. "So yeah, we got bored. And guess what? You were the cure to our boredome..."

    "So... You Resurrected me in order to torture me? Heh heh heh..." Miko chuckled. "Well, I'm sorry to dissappoint you, fiend, but I will give you no such enjoyment. A Paladin of the Sapphire Guard would NEVER succumb to your worst torments!"

    "You're right..." Xykon shrugged. "A Paladin of the Sapphire Guard is one tough nut to crack. What was that one guy's name? You know, the beard-y dude?"

    "O-Chul..." Redcloak grumbled.

    "Right, whatever..." Xykon dismissed Redcloak with a wave of his hand. "Yeah, Beard-y dude never cracked. He was a real great example of what the Sapphire Guard has to offer. But... there's just one problem, in your case. You're no longer a Paladin of the Sapphire Guard..."

    "The color of my cape is by no means a representation of my heart..." Miko replied coldly.

    "Yeah, it goes a bit beyond you cape, sweetie..." Tsukiko grinned from over Xykon's shoulder, pulling a mirror from behind her back and offering it to Xykon.

    "Yeah... As I was saying... You're no longer a Paladin of the Sapphire Guard. You're no longer even remotely good. In fact..." Xykon took the mirror, and held it up in front of Miko's face. "You're no longer even human."

    Miko found herself looking at an image of a skull in the mirror. Pale, bleached, and wreathed in long, pitch-black hair, the skull grinned back at her with empty eye sockets and glowing red pupils. The horrid realization that it was her own skull was too much for Miko Miyazaki to bear, and she let loose a hideous, inhuman scream which echoed into oblivion. "WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO ME?!" she howled. She attempted to lunge forward, but the bindings holding her back held strong.

    "Um... Well..." Xykon tossed the mirror over his shoulder (: Isn't that 7 years bad luck?) and began to scratch at his jawbone. "The short answer is, we put all our abilities together and managed to whip you up into a Death Knight."

    "HOW DARE YOU TRANSFORM ME INTO SUCH AN UNSPEAKABLE MONSTROSITY!!!!!" Miko snarled, struggling violently to get free and tear the Lich apart.

    "But the long answer..." Xykon continued, folding his hands together in a business-like manner, "We've given you a second chance."

    "A SECOND CHANCE AT WHAT?!" Miko snarled viciously. "MY LIFE WAS OVER!! I DIED WITH HONOR, AND NO REGRETS!! WHAT COULD YOU POSSIBLY HAVE TO OFFER ME?!"

    "Revenge against the people who landed you in this position to start with..." Xykon crooned, "The Order of the Stick."

    Miko stopped struggling. "What?"

    "Think about it..." Xykon unfolded his hands and tapped his temples. "They did this to you, when you stop and think about it. They ruined your life. They tricked you into doing the things that eventually cost you your Paladin-hood. They robbed you of your glory. Your life. You're honor. But now, you have the chance to right those wrongs. Yes, you're a Death Knight. Yes... you're Evil now. But sometimes, Evil has a purpose in the Greater Good. Murders must be committed so that others may live. Property must be stolen or damaged so that worse consequences can be avoided. Lies must be told so that the truth itself may survive. Sometimes you have to kill cute little animals in order to feed starving children! And in your case... So what if you have to be Evil? The Order of the Stick was, is, and will be worse than anything you could ever be capable of, Paladin or Death Knight. What matters is that the Order of the Stick, the villains that they are, will be held accountable for their actions. They will be punished. They will be purged. By you, in the name of Evil, for purpose of Good. Now... How does that sound to you?"

    Miko sat there, contemplating what the Lich had said. Slowly but surely, gears were turning in her head. Finally, Miko locked eyes with Xykon and gave him her answer: "Release me, that I may begin preparing for my purpose."

    "That'a girl!" Xykon cheered, clapping his hands together happily. "Redcloak, Tsukiko, release her..." The two underlings came forward, and unstrapped Miko from what turned out to be an up-turned table. As the Paladin-turned-Death Knight slowly staggered forward and tried to steady her balance, Xykon sighed contently. "Her first steps... Oh, I'm so proud!"

    "Don't worry..." Redcloak whispered to Miko as she wobbled back and forth, "You'll get used to it."

    "Being a monster?" she muttered back at the Goblin.

    "No..." Redcloak sighed, "Working with Xykon..."


    PHEW!! I thought I'd never be done!



    Well... What do ya'll think?
    I like it. I like it very much.

    I can't wait for the next installment!
    Last edited by TheBibliophile; 2009-09-16 at 05:52 AM.
    Amazingly cool avatar by Mauve Shirt. May she ever be promoted and not demoted! *promotes*
    Books are a mind-altering substance. Therefore, I am high all the time.
    My old avatars. Thanks, y'all!
    Some poetry I've written. Constructive criticism warmly welcomed.

  20. - Top - End - #50
    Ogre in the Playground
     
    Kaytara's Avatar

    Join Date
    Jul 2008
    Location
    Germany
    Gender
    Female

    Default Re: Crack Pairings II - Brain Bleach not Supplied

    I second the above posts. That little tidbit was very well-handled and sounds promising.

    Here's my promised shot of the Vaarsuvius x Durkon pairing I rolled. XD

    Spoiler
    Show
    Nighttime was early, Durkon could tell by glancing out the window. The warm glow of the setting sun was hidden by heavy clouds. It did not bode well for the weather, but being the resident dwarf who could never remember in which direction the port stern was, Durkon had enough wisdom to let the human sailors worry about that. Worst came to worst, he could always try his luck controlling the weather with the aid of Thor.

    Content with that for the time being, the dwarf knelt back down and resumed vigourously cleaning his armour, furiously dragging the rag back and forth over the plates. It was another reason he preferred it over chainmail, crucial beard logistics notwithstanding.

    Time to settle in for the night. Setting the armour by the bed in his modest cabin, Durkon strode outside and up the stairs for a breath of fresh sea air before sleep. Coming above deck, he muttered a prayer to Thor and casually glanced at where the sun had set minutes ago.

    And stopped.

    The elf was there, back turned towards him, shoulders tense and hands gripping the railing as he – or she, Durkon had never been quite sure – stared at the sea. The red robes were noticeably worn with lack of care and the hair was one messy purple snarl on the elf's head, the yellow headband not doing much at keeping it orderly.

    Durkon frowned, shifting his weight. Considering the way the elf had denounced basic necessities such as sleep, fresh air and breaks once in a while, it was odd to see her above deck doing something that showed a conspicuous lack of anything remotely arcane.

    As he edged forward, searching for a greeting that would not send the wizard slinking back into his cabin with a huff, Vaarsuvius flinched, head spinning around to face the dwarf.

    “Durkon,” Vaarsuvius nodded tersely and the dwarf could not suppress a wince.

    “Thor's earplugs, V, what're ye lettin' yerself come ta?!” he snorted with distress, studying the elf's features disapprovingly. The elf's silly sleepless research marathon was obviously still ongoing. Far more than just the shadows under the eyes and the showing veins, V's face was becoming a pasty grey in colour that was downright unsettling to look at.

    “I'll assume that particular inquiry was rhetorical,” the elf said, glaring at the dwarf, and Durkon cursed himself for not being able to tactfully forgo comment for once. “Seeing as otherwise there is no purpose in your question when the answer is clearly before you and has prompted said question, in the first place.” The elf edged away, glaring at nothing in particular. “Durkon, if my resumed presence at this location means that I am to endure another lecture, I-”

    “Naw, ne'er mind aboot tha',” Durkon shook his head with a dismissive gesture. “I meant ta say... Good ta see ye above deck fer a change. Enjoyin' tha ev'ning?”

    “I was,” the elf replied drily. She shifted, uncertainty showing in her motions, but did not seem about to bolt in the direction of the cabins again, which was a good sign, as far as trying to talk some sense into her was concerned. When Durkon didn't reply, too busy mulling over that problem with a frown showing through his beard, the elf turned to look at the sky again. It then occurred to the Durkon that Vaarsuvius was not, in fact, out for a break of fresh air. The expression was anything but relaxed – on the contrary, it was tense and slightly hostile and exhausted beyond all description and as the elf scanned the skies it even seemed somehow... expectant?

    The birds.

    The elf was still waiting for the bloody birds. Even though it had been – what? Two, three weeks since they'd been released? It told nothing good about his research if he was now up on the deck holding out for that bit of hope. Nothing good at all.

    Some of those thoughts must have shown, because Vaarsuvius glanced at him and turned away at once, face scrunching up, eyebrows knitted. The silence hung in the air, only the hum of the wind and the steady breaking of the waves disturbing it.

    Durkon didn't know what to say. His cleric's training was more about healing physical wounds and the like. Convincing an irrational elf crazed with proving his own merit to go about it in a less self-destructive way was a tentative and subtle business, and way out of his field. They had seemingly been friends or at least good comrades not so long ago, but now, as the tension hung in the air, he didn't know what to say.

    “Um... Nice weather, innit?” he tried nervously.
    The look he received was one of a poofed-up peackock displaying stupefied disbelief. Durkon sighed. So much for tact.

    “V, ye need ta listen ta me!” The uncomfortable silence shattered but the tension increased ten-fold. V shut his eyes, sighing in frustration and annoyance. He turned away, but Durkon strode closer. “This ain't healthy, how ye're buryin' yerself so complet'ly in all o' this!”

    “I am open to any suggestion about how we may most efficiently progress in our mission that does not include abandoning our comrades and powerful allies in the clutches of a horrifically evil lich,” Vaarsuvius replied, not looking at him but staring at the ocean, his posture stiff. “As it stands, unless you have something useful to say for once, I would advise you to allow me to maintain my own autonomy as far as magical research is-”

    “Tha's na what I'm talkin' aboot an' ye know it!” Durkon exclaimed. “Ye're losin' sight of tha mission, V! Tell me honestly – izzis really aboot savin' Roy an' Haley or izzit now aboot ye proving tha' ye can save 'em?”

    Vaarsuvius' eyes flashed with hurt and anger and a flicker of a strangely haunted look somewhere as he spun around to face the dwarf, head held high and spine straightened and looming several inches above him, his twig of a body undermining the otherwise powerful impression. “Barring the unlikely scenario that you care and this is some twisted attempt at helping me achieve a greater clarity and balance, either of those two should be fine for our purposes, don't you think?” Vaarsuvius hissed, glaring down. “I succeed in locating them and can thus satisfy my apparently burning need to defeat each and every spell whose power happens to trump my own and you receive the chance to reunite with your old friend and finally resume progress in the mission. We all win,” he snapped, biting off each syllable. With another pointed glare, he spun around and headed for the stairs.

    The elf stopped with a jerk, head turning in surprise in a blur of purple to see a glowering Durkon and his burly hand grasped firmly around the elf's wrist.

    “Na ye don't,” Durkon grumbled even as the elf's eyes narrowed in anger at this violation of personal space, “I've been lettin' ye fend fer yerself far too long. Now listen here, ye foolish slip of an elf – I do consider ye a friend an' I do care enuff tha' I'm not gonna let ye rot away in tha' research like ye've been doin'!”

    “Unless you are planning to physically restrain me from touching my books again, in which case I will be forced to resist,” Vaarsuvius glowered, glaring at Durkon's fingers still clenched around his bony wrist, “I strongly doubt there is anything you can do to improve the situation.”

    “We'll see aboot tha',” Durkon snorted and started dragging the elf away. Force was not his favoured approach, but desperate times called for desperate measures.

    “What- Where are you taking me?” the elf protested, indignation in every syllable. He seemed unable to make up his mind on whether or not to actually actively resist the much stronger dwarf or submit to his wishes.

    “Tha kitchen,” Durkon replied. Surprise made V cease his struggling for a moment.

    “The reason being?” he asked, frowning in confusion.

    “Ye're too skinny.”

    “...Have you lost your mind?”

    Durkon snorted and tightened his grip.


    To be continued...
    Last edited by Kaytara; 2009-09-16 at 12:57 PM.
    *Above post: Additional terms and restrictions may apply.
    My old OotS fanart
    My art on Instagram

  21. - Top - End - #51
    Pixie in the Playground
     
    Flumph

    Join Date
    May 2008
    Location
    Netherlands
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: Crack Pairings II - Brain Bleach not Supplied

    Quote Originally Posted by Dra-Goon View Post
    Gender-switched Roy's sword + Bone golem Roy

    Stuck on a desert island + True love
    And then, yesterday evening, I realized I could actually write it. Be afraid. Be very afraid.

  22. - Top - End - #52
    Halfling in the Playground
    Join Date
    Aug 2009
    Location
    On the Internets
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: Crack Pairings II - Brain Bleach not Supplied

    Someone wanted Julia/Sword???

    My current avvie is not on list

    And for people asking after peter


    Enjoyz
    Live each day of your life like the man that has never seen a yurt.

    ~Proverb

  23. - Top - End - #53
    Titan in the Playground
     
    Silverraptor's Avatar

    Join Date
    Feb 2009
    Location
    A nice, sparkly place.
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: Crack Pairings II - Brain Bleach not Supplied

    Quote Originally Posted by Funky Goose View Post
    Someone wanted Julia/Sword???


    Enjoyz
    I think you may want to put some close on her. Just to be safe you know. Otherwise, it looks good.
    Last edited by Silverraptor; 2009-09-16 at 12:23 PM.
    My own webcomic. Idiosyncrasy.
    Paladin Academy: Chapter 2 Part 28

    *Avatar by Me*

  24. - Top - End - #54
    Ogre in the Playground
     
    Kaytara's Avatar

    Join Date
    Jul 2008
    Location
    Germany
    Gender
    Female

    Default Re: Crack Pairings II - Brain Bleach not Supplied

    Lira, apparently my photobucket account has screwed me over. XD In other words, those pictures I did currently aren't showing. I reuploaded them elsewhere, I'd be obliged if you could replace the links in the compilation with the right ones. :)

    Spoiler
    Show



    Last edited by Kaytara; 2009-09-16 at 12:17 PM.
    *Above post: Additional terms and restrictions may apply.
    My old OotS fanart
    My art on Instagram

  25. - Top - End - #55
    Titan in the Playground
     
    Silverraptor's Avatar

    Join Date
    Feb 2009
    Location
    A nice, sparkly place.
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: Crack Pairings II - Brain Bleach not Supplied

    Since I'm deliberately avoiding what I'm supposed to be doing. I rolled up another story. Here goes.

    Spoiler
    Show
    *Door creaks open*

    "Ah, Varrsuvius, excellent. And who are you?"

    "Celia, I will be representing Varrsuvius during the divorce case."

    "Ah, yes. Please sit down." They sit. "As you know, Inkyrius is suing for grounds for divorce, am I right Inkyrius"

    "Yes." Says Inkyrius in a corner that they didn't know was there. "I feel that Varrsuvius has paid more attention in his magic then in me and is proposing a danger to our children."

    "Right, quite right, so lets get down to business then."

    "If you please, I would like to leave for a moment. Being in the same room with Suvie is bring back... memories that may make this.. difficult."

    "Alright, go ahead. I'll take care of things until you get back."

    "Thank you!" And Inkyrius quickly exits. The door closes with a snap and Inkyrius takes some steadying breaths. All those years, all they're time together, had Suvie ever treasured those or view them as a waste of time from magic? Inkyrius turns and walks down the hall. At an intersection in the halls, Inkyrius sees Varrsuvius's party just standing around. They look rather unhappy, though that may be because of the Halfling. He does seem to be the source of the argument for some reason. Inkyrius continues the walk, leaving the party of 4 from sight. After walking down further, Inkyrius got disoriented from what direction was which. The halls look the same.

    "Have you gotten lost?"

    Inkyrius whirls around to see a female human with short red hair and rather revealing clothes. "Maybe a little."

    "So your Varrsuvius's mate, huh? V told me so much about you."

    "Your another one of Suvie's 'Friends', I take it?"

    "Yup, the names Haley. I've been traveling with V for alot longer then the rest of the group. So what kind of danger is V putting your children in?"

    Inkyrius looks at Haley open mouthed. "How do you know that?"

    "Rogues got good skills at sneaking around and listening at doors."

    "Oh... well... Suvie has been rather aggressive in the search for power. I'm afraid that in end result will be children graves."

    "Oh, V is like that, but can be turned away from the power hungry search for magic. I've done that several times when we were bunking in the same dorms together."

    "Suvie does? How did you do that?"

    "Well..." Haley opens a door to a broom closet. "Lets just say that it takes a type of persuasion. I'll teach you how if you like." Haley gently pulls Inkyrius into the closet.

    Inkyrius suspects whats going to happen, but let events transpire. After all, what else will get the mind off of what's happened. "Please, what type of persuasion is it?"

    "Well..." Haley Locks the door from the inside. "It all has to do with offering someone something a little more pleasure then what they're looking for." Starts to lift up her top.

    Inkyrius stares at the undressing human, paralyzed to the ground. "And, this will get Suvie to pay more attention to me then the magic?"

    "You guessed it. Here let me help you." Starts to pull off Inkyrius's clothes. "And you call V 'Suvie'? That's a cute pet name. What pet name does V have for you?"

    Inkyrius, stands there as the last of the garments fall to the ground. "I'm... kn-known... as 'Kyrie'."

    "Well, Kyrie..." Hands wrap around Inkyrius back as Haley pulls herself tight to Inkyrius. "Better take notes, this is your first lesson." And she put her tender lips on Inkyrius and there was nothing more to resist. Inkyrius joined the fray just as vigoursly...


    Oh... Gods! I actually scared myself. I had no idea I could do something like this, or that it would go this far.

    Uhhhh... C-Comments?
    My own webcomic. Idiosyncrasy.
    Paladin Academy: Chapter 2 Part 28

    *Avatar by Me*

  26. - Top - End - #56
    Titan in the Playground
     
    MindFlayer

    Join Date
    Apr 2008
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: Crack Pairings II - Brain Bleach not Supplied

    Wow, you guys really like my idea, huh? Sweetness!

    Any constructive criticism? Complaints? Suggestions?


    I'll work on the second chapter later on today, if I get the chance. I've got a general idea of how it's going to go, but I need to fine tune a few details, like character interaction and Miko's equipment. Specifically, what sort of armor to give her... Black plate is a bit too cliche, but then again, what isn't cliche in OotS? Any suggestions?


    Quote Originally Posted by Silverraptor View Post
    I think you may want to put some close on her. Just to be safe you know. Otherwise, it looks good.
    I agree. That banner just pushes the envelope a bit too far...

    Oh, and Silver, interesting tale. No explaination as to why Haley is going behind Elan's back, though?
    Anemoia: Nostalgia for a time you've never known.

  27. - Top - End - #57
    Ogre in the Playground
     
    Zanaril's Avatar

    Join Date
    Nov 2006
    Location
    England

    Default Re: Crack Pairings II - Brain Bleach not Supplied

    Quote Originally Posted by Silverraptor View Post

    Oh... Gods! I actually scared myself. I had no idea I could do something like this, or that it would go this far.

    Uhhhh... C-Comments?
    I have a feeling V and Ceila are going to be waiting for a long time.
    This post may contain sarcasm.
    DeviantArt

  28. - Top - End - #58
    Orc in the Playground
     
    TheBibliophile's Avatar

    Join Date
    Jul 2009
    Location
    Near St Andews, Scotland.
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: Crack Pairings II - Brain Bleach not Supplied

    Quote Originally Posted by Kaytara View Post
    I second the above posts. That little tidbit was very well-handled and sounds promising.

    Here's my promised shot of the Vaarsuvius x Durkon pairing I rolled. XD

    Spoiler
    Show
    Nighttime was early, Durkon could tell by glancing out the window. The warm glow of the setting sun was hidden by heavy clouds. It did not bode well for the weather, but being the resident dwarf who could never remember in which direction the port stern was, Durkon had enough wisdom to let the human sailors worry about that. Worst came to worst, he could always try his luck controlling the weather with the aid of Thor.

    Content with that for the time being, the dwarf knelt back down and resumed vigourously cleaning his armour, furiously dragging the rag back and forth over the plates. It was another reason he preferred it over chainmail, crucial beard logistics notwithstanding.

    Time to settle in for the knight. Setting the armour by the bed in his modest cabin, Durkon strode outside and up the stairs for a breath of fresh sea air before sleep. Coming above deck, he muttered a prayer to Thor and casually glanced at where the sun had set minutes ago.

    And stopped.

    The elf was there, back turned towards him, shoulders tense and hands gripping the railing as he – or she, Durkon had never been quite sure – stared at the sea. The red robes were noticeably worn with lack of care and the hair was one messy purple snarl on the elf's head, the yellow headband not doing much at keeping it orderly.

    Durkon frowned, shifting his weight. Considering the way the elf had denounced basic necessities such as sleep, fresh air and breaks once in a while, it was odd to see her above deck doing something that showed a conspicuous lack of anything remotely arcane.

    As he edged forward, searching for a greeting that would not send the wizard slinking back into his cabin with a huff, Vaarsuvius flinched, head spinning around to face the dwarf.

    “Durkon,” Vaarsuvius nodded tersely and the dwarf could not suppress a wince.

    “Thor's earplugs, V, what're ye lettin' yerself come ta?!” he snorted with distress, studying the elf's features disapprovingly. The elf's silly sleepless research marathon was obviously still ongoing. Far more than just the shadows under the eyes and the showing veins, V's face was becoming a pasty grey in colour that was downright unsettling to look at.

    “I'll assume that particular inquiry was rhetorical,” the elf said, glaring at the dwarf, and Durkon cursed himself for not being able to tactfully forgo comment for once. “Seeing as otherwise there is no purpose in your question when the answer is clearly before you and has prompted said question, in the first place.” The elf edged away, glaring at nothing in particular. “Durkon, if my resumed presence at this location means that I am to endure another lecture, I-”

    “Naw, ne'er mind aboot tha',” Durkon shook his head with a dismissive gesture. “I meant ta say... Good ta see ye above deck fer a change. Enjoyin' tha ev'ning?”

    “I was,” the elf replied drily. She shifted, uncertainty showing in her motions, but did not seem about to bolt in the direction of the cabins again, which was a good sign, as far as trying to talk some sense into her was concerned. When Durkon didn't reply, too busy mulling over that problem with a frown showing through his beard, the elf turned to look at the sky again. It then occurred to the Durkon that Vaarsuvius was not, in fact, out for a break of fresh air. The expression was anything but relaxed – on the contrary, it was tense and slightly hostile and exhausted beyond all description and as the elf scanned the skies it even seemed somehow... expectant?

    The birds.

    The elf was still waiting for the bloody birds. Even though it had been – what? Two, three weeks since they'd been released? It told nothing good about his research if he was now up on the deck holding out for that bit of hope. Nothing good at all.

    Some of those thoughts must have shown, because Vaarsuvius glanced at him and turned away at once, face scrunching up, eyebrows knitted. The silence hung in the air, only the hum of the wind and the steady breaking of the waves disturbing it.

    Durkon didn't know what to say. His cleric's training was more about healing physical wounds and the like. Convincing an irrational elf crazed with proving his own merit to go about it in a less self-destructive way was a tentative and subtle business, and way out of his field. They had seemingly been friends or at least good comrades not so long ago, but now, as the tension hung in the air, he didn't know what to say.

    “Um... Nice weather, innit?” he tried nervously.
    The look he received was one of a poofed-up peackock displaying stupefied disbelief. Durkon sighed. So much for tact.

    “V, ye need ta listen ta me!” The uncomfortable silence shattered but the tension increased ten-fold. V shut his eyes, sighing in frustration and annoyance. He turned away, but Durkon strode closer. “This ain't healthy, how ye're buryin' yerself so complet'ly in all o' this!”

    “I am open to any suggestion about how we may most efficiently progress in our mission that does not include abandoning our comrades and powerful allies in the clutches of a horrifically evil lich,” Vaarsuvius replied, not looking at him but staring at the ocean, his posture stiff. “As it stands, unless you have something useful to say for once, I would advise you to allow me to maintain my own autonomy as far as magical research is-”

    “Tha's na what I'm talkin' aboot an' ye know it!” Durkon exclaimed. “Ye're losin' sight of tha mission, V! Tell me honestly – izzis really aboot savin' Roy an' Haley or izzit now aboot ye proving tha' ye can save 'em?”

    Vaarsuvius' eyes flashed with hurt and anger and a flicker of a strangely haunted look somewhere as he spun around to face the dwarf, head held high and spine straightened and looming several inches above him, his twig of a body undermining the otherwise powerful impression. “Barring the unlikely scenario that you care and this is some twisted attempt at helping me achieve a greater clarity and balance, either of those two should be fine for our purposes, don't you think?” Vaarsuvius hissed, glaring down. “I succeed in locating them and can thus satisfy my apparently burning need to defeat each and every spell whose power happens to trump my own and you receive the chance to reunite with your old friend and finally resume progress in the mission. We all win,” he snapped, biting off each syllable. With another pointed glare, he spun around and headed for the stairs.

    The elf stopped with a jerk, head turning in surprise in a blur of purple to see a glowering Durkon and his burly hand grasped firmly around the elf's wrist.

    “Na ye don't,” Durkon grumbled even as the elf's eyes narrowed in anger at this violation of personal space, “I've been lettin' ye fend fer yerself far too long. Now listen here, ye foolish slip of an elf – I do consider ye a friend an' I do care enuff tha' I'm not gonna let ye rot away in tha' research like ye've been doin'!”

    “Unless you are planning to physically restrain me from touching my books again, in which case I will be forced to resist,” Vaarsuvius glowered, glaring at Durkon's fingers still clenched around his bony wrist, “I strongly doubt there is anything you can do to improve the situation.”

    “We'll see aboot tha',” Durkon snorted and started dragging the elf away. Force was not his favoured approach, but desperate times called for desperate measures.

    “What- Where are you taking me?” the elf protested, indignation in every syllable. He seemed unable to make up his mind on whether or not to actually actively resist the much stronger dwarf or submit to his wishes.

    “Tha kitchen,” Durkon replied. Surprise made V cease his struggling for a moment.

    “The reason being?” he asked, frowning in confusion.

    “Ye're too skinny.”

    “...Have you lost your mind?”

    Durkon snorted and tightened his grip.


    To be continued...
    Quote Originally Posted by Silverraptor View Post
    Since I'm deliberately avoiding what I'm supposed to be doing. I rolled up another story. Here goes.

    Spoiler
    Show
    *Door creaks open*

    "Ah, Varrsuvius, excellent. And who are you?"

    "Celia, I will be representing Varrsuvius during the divorce case."

    "Ah, yes. Please sit down." They sit. "As you know, Inkyrius is suing for grounds for divorce, am I right Inkyrius"

    "Yes." Says Inkyrius in a corner that they didn't know was there. "I feel that Varrsuvius has paid more attention in his magic then in me and is proposing a danger to our children."

    "Right, quite right, so lets get down to business then."

    "If you please, I would like to leave for a moment. Being in the same room with Suvie is bring back... memories that may make this.. difficult."

    "Alright, go ahead. I'll take care of things until you get back."

    "Thank you!" And Inkyrius quickly exits. The door closes with a snap and Inkyrius takes some steadying breaths. All those years, all they're time together, had Suvie ever treasured those or view them as a waste of time from magic? Inkyrius turns and walks down the hall. At an intersection in the halls, Inkyrius sees Varrsuvius's party just standing around. They look rather unhappy, though that may be because of the Halfling. He does seem to be the source of the argument for some reason. Inkyrius continues the walk, leaving the party of 4 from sight. After walking down further, Inkyrius got disoriented from what direction was which. The halls look the same.

    "Have you gotten lost?"

    Inkyrius whirls around to see a female human with short red hair and rather revealing clothes. "Maybe a little."

    "So your Varrsuvius's mate, huh? V told me so much about you."

    "Your another one of Suvie's 'Friends', I take it?"

    "Yup, the names Haley. I've been traveling with V for alot longer then the rest of the group. So what kind of danger is V putting your children in?"

    Inkyrius looks at Haley open mouthed. "How do you know that?"

    "Rogues got good skills at sneaking around and listening at doors."

    "Oh... well... Suvie has been rather aggressive in the search for power. I'm afraid that in end result will be children graves."

    "Oh, V is like that, but can be turned away from the power hungry search for magic. I've done that several times when we were bunking in the same dorms together."

    "Suvie does? How did you do that?"

    "Well..." Haley opens a door to a broom closet. "Lets just say that it takes a type of persuasion. I'll teach you how if you like." Haley gently pulls Inkyrius into the closet.

    Inkyrius suspects whats going to happen, but let events transpire. After all, what else will get the mind off of what's happened. "Please, what type of persuasion is it?"

    "Well..." Haley Locks the door from the inside. "It all has to do with offering someone something a little more pleasure then what they're looking for." Starts to lift up her top.

    Inkyrius stares at the undressing human, paralyzed to the ground. "And, this will get Suvie to pay more attention to me then the magic?"

    "You guessed it. Here let me help you." Starts to pull off Inkyrius's clothes. "And you call V 'Suvie'? That's a cute pet name. What pet name does V have for you?"

    Inkyrius, stands there as the last of the garments fall to the ground. "I'm... kn-known... as 'Kyrie'."

    "Well, Kyrie..." Hands wrap around Inkyrius back as Haley pulls herself tight to Inkyrius. "Better take notes, this is your first lesson." And she put her tender lips on Inkyrius and there was nothing more to resist. Inkyrius joined the fray just as vigoursly...


    Oh... Gods! I actually scared myself. I had no idea I could do something like this, or that it would go this far.

    Uhhhh... C-Comments?
    I love where both of these are going.

    One comment, Kaytara. In paragraph 3 of your story, "night" is replaced by "knight".
    Amazingly cool avatar by Mauve Shirt. May she ever be promoted and not demoted! *promotes*
    Books are a mind-altering substance. Therefore, I am high all the time.
    My old avatars. Thanks, y'all!
    Some poetry I've written. Constructive criticism warmly welcomed.

  29. - Top - End - #59
    Ogre in the Playground
     
    Kaytara's Avatar

    Join Date
    Jul 2008
    Location
    Germany
    Gender
    Female

    Default Re: Crack Pairings II - Brain Bleach not Supplied

    Quote Originally Posted by TheBibliophile View Post
    I love where both of these are going.

    One comment, Kaytara. In paragraph 3 of your story, "night" is replaced by "knight".
    ...

    "Settle in for the knight".

    Why does every typo sound like innuendo in this thread?
    *Above post: Additional terms and restrictions may apply.
    My old OotS fanart
    My art on Instagram

  30. - Top - End - #60
    Dwarf in the Playground
     
    NinjaGuy

    Join Date
    Jul 2008
    Location
    Alabama
    Gender
    Male

    Default Re: Crack Pairings II - Brain Bleach not Supplied

    I wonder what crack paring I should do next?

    Inkyrius and Hilgya? No, too angsty for my taste.

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •