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  1. - Top - End - #1231
    Colossus in the Playground
     
    CoffeeIncluded's Avatar

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings II - Brain Bleach not Supplied

    ...Maybe that's why V didn't have any lower-level spells left...

    So many creative uses for Prestidigitation...

  2. - Top - End - #1232
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    Default Re: Crack Pairings II - Brain Bleach not Supplied

    Last edited by Dark Faun; 2009-10-19 at 04:43 PM.
    Formerly known as Discord here and Maladin on avatarspirit.net.

  3. - Top - End - #1233
    Colossus in the Playground
     
    CoffeeIncluded's Avatar

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings II - Brain Bleach not Supplied

    Quote Originally Posted by Discord View Post
    What level is Animate Rope again?
    Uhm...First level.

  4. - Top - End - #1234
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    Water-Smurf's Avatar

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings II - Brain Bleach not Supplied

    Quote Originally Posted by Zanaril View Post
    Vaarsuvius is probably rather confused by now, too.

    But I know what you mean; that's pretty much what I think too. I figure V is physically female, but mentally mostly male.
    Damn. Plotbunnies.

    Or maybe s/he's part of the little percentage of the population that actually doesn't mentally identify as either gender, so s/he really doesn't care which gender people think of hir as and has trouble with figuring out why everyone else gets so hung up on it. It would be a little hard to explain why we feel gender is important to someone who didn't know why.

    Quote Originally Posted by CoffeeIncluded View Post
    A. V is female and they adopted because they preferred adoption/one or both have fertility problems, or...

    B. V is male, Elfland is much more socially progressive than modern human society when it comes to gay rights, and their children are adopted because, despite what the crazed yaoi fangirls may think, men cannot get pregnant.
    But this is crack! All genders can get pregnant!

    And C. V is female and so is Inky and they're a lesbian couple who couldn't get pregnant together, because everyone knows that no one finds a girl who got knocked up by another girl interesting.

    Quote Originally Posted by Discord View Post
    What I'm looking forward is Inkyrius' reaction. I don't recall Vaarsuvius thinking about him at any time in the story.
    I actually did that intentionally. When I saw the strip where V left Inky last, I assumed that the marriage was dead and gone. I was a little surprised that a divorce notice came along because I had already thought that the whole thing was official. I figured that V would have a similar impression. ("My spouse has already left me. I doubt an affair will do any more damage.")

    Quote Originally Posted by Discord View Post
    And if Water-Smurf's other fanfictions, starring Belkar x Vaarsuvius, happened before this story, we could have a very angry baker...
    *giggles* Beware the Pointy Stick of Doom™.

    Quote Originally Posted by Discord View Post
    Sure, he's like a level one expert so I doubt he could do much, but that promises some drama ("<You never let ME impregnate you!>").
    "You act as though I planned on it, Inkyrius."

    And then cue an awkward Redcloak trying to edge out of the picture.

    Quote Originally Posted by Discord View Post
    And I've got a feeling the idea of a half-elf half-goblin baby may tickle some artists' muses...
    *wink wink nudge nudge*

    Quote Originally Posted by CoffeeIncluded View Post
    Something tells me elves invented birth control before they invented fire.
    I made a brief mention of the usage of protection in the story (both V and Redcloak seem way too responsible to not take a moment to throw in a protection spell before they get it on), but even in the real world, protection isn't foolproof. And Roy was born after a failed protection spell, so yeah...

    Spoiler
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    The April Squickies Award for Best Crack Pairing Story


    Thank you so much to Kaytara for the avatar! It's of Redcloak's and Vaarsuvius's love child.

  5. - Top - End - #1235
    Colossus in the Playground
     
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    Default Re: Crack Pairings II - Brain Bleach not Supplied

    Quote Originally Posted by Water-Smurf View Post
    I made a brief mention of the usage of protection in the story (both V and Redcloak seem way too responsible to not take a moment to throw in a protection spell before they get it on), but even in the real world, protection isn't foolproof. And Roy was born after a failed protection spell, so yeah...
    1. Where was that?

    2. He was?

  6. - Top - End - #1236
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    Water-Smurf's Avatar

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings II - Brain Bleach not Supplied

    Quote Originally Posted by CoffeeIncluded View Post
    1. Where was that?
    When V was talking with Blackwing, Blackwing mentioned the possibility that the 'protection spell could've failed.'

    2. He was?
    Did you read OtOotPC?

    Spoiler
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    The April Squickies Award for Best Crack Pairing Story


    Thank you so much to Kaytara for the avatar! It's of Redcloak's and Vaarsuvius's love child.

  7. - Top - End - #1237
    Colossus in the Playground
     
    CoffeeIncluded's Avatar

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings II - Brain Bleach not Supplied

    Quote Originally Posted by Water-Smurf View Post
    When V was talking with Blackwing, Blackwing mentioned the possibility that the 'protection spell could've failed.'



    Did you read OtOotPC?
    1. Ah.
    2. No. Don't have it. Don't have the money to get it either. Won't be able to get a job until next year.

  8. - Top - End - #1238
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    Water-Smurf's Avatar

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings II - Brain Bleach not Supplied

    Oops. Probably shouldn't have said that, then.

    It's a throwaway line, though. Not even a punchline. I haven't ruined anything for you.

    Spoiler
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    The April Squickies Award for Best Crack Pairing Story


    Thank you so much to Kaytara for the avatar! It's of Redcloak's and Vaarsuvius's love child.

  9. - Top - End - #1239
    Colossus in the Playground
     
    CoffeeIncluded's Avatar

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings II - Brain Bleach not Supplied

    It's okay. I don't mind.

  10. - Top - End - #1240
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    Default Re: Crack Pairings II - Brain Bleach not Supplied

    Can someone please tell me how to attach links to pics?
    Last edited by Dvandemon; 2009-10-19 at 08:40 PM.

  11. - Top - End - #1241
    Orc in the Playground
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    Default Re: Crack Pairings II - Brain Bleach not Supplied

    so...
    I imagine that a half-elf, half-goblin could be very interesting.

    Ooh, wait, it could be twins. One has all the bonuses, one has all the bad stuff.

    I'm imagining a little light green, eared, toothed, squealy thingy proficient in bows.
    Politics is the most accurate word in the English language. "Poli" in Latin meaning "Many" and
    "tics" meaning "little insects"

  12. - Top - End - #1242
    Troll in the Playground
     
    WhiteWizardGirl

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings II - Brain Bleach not Supplied

    Hey, Dark_Fiddler, is my new table acceptable?

  13. - Top - End - #1243
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    Default Re: Crack Pairings II - Brain Bleach not Supplied

    Quote Originally Posted by Discord View Post
    And I've got a feeling the idea of a half-elf half-goblin baby may tickle some artists' muses...
    It did :) That's how their child may potentially look like when she grow up :

  14. - Top - End - #1244
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    Default Re: Crack Pairings II - Brain Bleach not Supplied

    Okay, so for my first pairing I had...

    The entire Hobgoblin army x Yokyok!

    What the hell, I can't come with any single idea for a lovestory involving these two characters... Well, I guess you'll forgive me and be content with the banner I made:

    Spoiler
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    And for those of you brave enough to contemplate such union, here is the full size version!

  15. - Top - End - #1245
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    Default Re: Crack Pairings II - Brain Bleach not Supplied

    Quote Originally Posted by half-halfling View Post
    It did :) That's how their child may potentially look like when she grow up :
    So adrogyny isn't inherited?

    I love it!

    Quote Originally Posted by Cicciograna View Post
    The entire Hobgoblin army x Yokyok!
    Spoiler
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    They all look so... enthusiastic.
    Last edited by Zanaril; 2009-10-20 at 09:35 AM.
    This post may contain sarcasm.
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  16. - Top - End - #1246
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    Default Re: Crack Pairings II - Brain Bleach not Supplied

    Quote Originally Posted by Zanaril View Post
    They all look so... enthusiastic.
    : Love is an epic level challenge!

  17. - Top - End - #1247
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
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    Default Re: Crack Pairings II - Brain Bleach not Supplied

    Quote Originally Posted by half-halfling View Post
    It did :) That's how their child may potentially look like when she grow up :
    I like. (Dear God, the bunnies are multiplying.) Now I'm actually developing the kid's character in my head. Excuse me, I need to go make some notes... *scuttles off*

    Oh, and here's the last chapter of this story. Next story will come soon.

    Spoiler
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    Vaarsuvius woke up very suddenly. Durkon was gently examining the bruises around its neck and then the elf snapped up, violet eyes wide, and choked something out—possibly a name—that didn’t sound quite lucid.

    “Vaarsuvius!”

    The elf jerked back fearfully, looking wildly at the dwarf. Durkon firmly put his hands on the mage’s shoulders, staring into confused purple eyes. “Vaarsuvius, calm down. Yer safe now. Yer wit’ yer friends.”

    Vaarsuvius remained tense for a moment, then its gaze cleared, coming to terms with its surroundings, and muscles relaxed under Durkon’s hands. “There ye go, Vaarsuvius.”

    “Durkon?”

    The dwarf smiled a little at the unusual but obviously heartfelt use of his first name, certain that the elf would quickly go back to its regular formalness but glad for the small lapse. “I’m here. We all are, Vaarsuvius.”

    Vaarsuvius blinked, glancing away, eyes clouding up again with thought. “So we escaped.”

    “Ye did. We’re not outta th’ woods yet—we’re still in th’ city—but yer outta th’ castle. Lean forward so I c’n heal up yer neck.”

    The elf did as requested, permitting the dwarf to lightly put his hands on a thin but blackened neck. “Cure Moderate Wounds.”

    Vaarsuvius took a grateful breath of air, suddenly realizing how difficult it had been a moment before. “Surely not that serious? It was only a bruise.”

    “More than tha’, Vaarsuvius. Say what ye will aboot Xykon: th’ lich is strong an’ was jus’ a bit o’ pressure away from snappin’ yer neck completely.”

    “I believe he did that on purpose. He has a certain disliking for me and a broken neck would have been a faster way to die.” Vaarsuvius looked down, something deep within aching without reason despite the healing. “Did the paladin debrief you?”

    “Aye. We’re all impressed wit’ what ye’ve done on yer own.”

    “I have done many things on my own.”

    Vaarsuvius didn’t exactly sound proud.

    Durkon frowned, taking note of his comrade’s shadowed expression and the barely-visible healed cuts streaking across an otherwise beautiful face. A dark thought entered his mind, one that he couldn’t shake.

    “Did somethin’ ‘appen in tha’ castle tha’ ye’d like t’ talk aboot, Vaarsuvius?”

    Vaarsuvius looked at Durkon’s face, searching it, gaze creepily hard to read.

    “Maybe I will tell you one day, Durkon. If nothing else, you have been much wiser than I and I would trust you with my life. But I do not believe I am ready to share anything yet.”

    Durkon frowned, caught off guard by the openness and sincerity, but he instead sat across the elf. “I c’n live with that.”

    Vaarsuvius slowly took out a familiar gold band and put wild purple hair into a ponytail. “Mr. Thundershield, I must say something to you while I can.”

    “I do too.”

    Vaarsuvius laced delicate fingers together. “I must apologize for my behavior before I left the ship, and again for before I was captured.”

    “What’re ye talkin’ aboot? Ye were right. Yer magic saved us.”

    “I was a fool. So much power… I allowed it to cloud my mind and get the better of me. I have done so many things… I used it so poorly…”

    “Ye saved th’ Azure refugees, tossed Xykon’s phylactery int’ th’ sewer, an’ saved O-Chul while we sat an’ twiddled our thumbs.” Durkon allowed himself to touch the elf’s shoulder gently, and was moderately encouraged when he wasn’t shrugged off. “Don’t beat yerself up o’er what ye could ‘ave done. Tha’ way lies madness.”

    Vaarsuvius stared for a while, slowly shutting violet eyes and looking down. “Yes. I know that. Now.”

    “Rest up fer now. Ye’ll be mobbed by ev’ryone else once they get back from talkin’ wit’ Thahn. I’ll be outside if ye need anythin’.” Durkon smiled. “It’s good t’ ‘ave ye back, Vaarsuvius.”

    “It is good to be back.”

    The dwarf gave the elf’s shoulder a gentle pat before he left, leaving the door shut behind him.

    Vaarsuvius slowly lay on the bed, curling up, and ached for a familiar scaled hand to touch.

    It was time to move on.

    ---

    “Supreme Leader?”

    Redcloak groaned softly in pain, sitting up with the gentle hand of Jirix to steady him, and rubbed the back of his head, wincing when he touched a tender swollen area. He shook his head slowly, trying to dispel the stars in his eyes. “I didn’t know that Vaarsuvius was that strong…”

    “The prisoner did quite a number, sir. She must have been in a hurry, though—it doesn’t look like she tried to kill you.”

    That was odd. Vaarsuvius was well-aware of every area on his body that wasn’t protected by scales.

    Considering recent events, he had an idea of what that meant.

    “I forgot about the raven.” Redcloak put his hand lightly over his wound. “Cure Light Wounds. The prisoner had a familiar that distracted me.”

    “That would explain it, sir.” Jirix helped Redcloak stand. “We won the battle, but suffered casualties.”

    “Well, we’ll be prepared next time.” Redcloak brushed himself off. “I want a full debriefing.”

    “Sir, the lich has asked that you speak with him when you wake.”

    “In that case, I’m going to be a while. Make sure medical attention goes to the people who need it, and tell Tsukiko to check out what slaves we have left. We’ll need to make examples if we want to discourage any more rebellion.” Redcloak sighed softly, readying himself for what would inevitably come when he saw Xykon. “And where’s Xykon?”

    “The throne room, sir.”

    “Alright, then. Dismissed. Thank you, Jirix.”

    The hobgoblin nodded and left, thinking the whole way. If his leader’s lover had actually been his lover, she would have known how to kill him and that just a bash to the neck wouldn’t have done it. And his leader had a Soul Bind scroll, so it wouldn’t have been difficult to make sure he wouldn’t be revived.

    Either the elf was foolish and actually felt something for his leader or they had all been wrong about them sleeping together. Jirix found himself leaning towards the latter.

    He decided to stop thinking about his leader’s love life and focused on finding Tsukiko.

    Redcloak rubbed his hands together, getting a little feeling into them, and glanced up at the window of the prison room. Vaarsuvius wouldn’t be here anymore. No more nightly talks. No more warmth. No more fiery violet eyes. No more…

    He sighed softly. By the Dark One, he had fallen in love.

    He clasped his hands and bowed his head, murmuring very softly, “Great Dark One, please help me find the strength to continue to do what is best for all goblinoid kind, no matter who stands in my way.” Because I’m not sure I can strike down another one I love for your sake.

    Redcloak’s holy symbol warmed against his chest. He let his hands drop and he turned to go to Xykon.


    Does anyone else find it odd that I've cranked out chapters like crazy since midterms started?

    Anyway, thoughts, criticisms, compliments, and comments are greatly appreciated. *wink* *wink* *nudge* *nudge*
    Last edited by Water-Smurf; 2009-10-20 at 03:02 PM.

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    The April Squickies Award for Best Crack Pairing Story


    Thank you so much to Kaytara for the avatar! It's of Redcloak's and Vaarsuvius's love child.

  18. - Top - End - #1248
    Titan in the Playground
     
    Silverraptor's Avatar

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings II - Brain Bleach not Supplied

    Secret Service position is now retired. Finally!

    Great work Water-Smurf.
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  19. - Top - End - #1249
    Ogre in the Playground
     
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    Default Re: Crack Pairings II - Brain Bleach not Supplied

    Quote Originally Posted by Water-Smurf View Post
    I like. (Dear God, the bunnies are multiplying.) Now I'm actually developing the kid's character in my head. Excuse me, I need to go make some notes... *scuttles off*

    Oh, and here's the last chapter of this story. Next story will come soon.
    That's what bunnies tend to do. Not unlike characters in crack pairings...


    Vaarsuvius slowly lay on the bed, curling up, and ached for a familiar scaled hand to touch.

    It was time to move on.
    *sniffle*


    Does anyone else find it odd that I've cranked out chapters like crazy since midterms started?
    I'm sure there's a quote somewhere about how the more we have to do, the more we get done.

    Anyway, thoughts, criticisms, compliments, and comments are greatly appreciated. *wink* *wink* *nudge* *nudge*
    It's hard to find any criticisms over something that doesn't need any.

    The only thing I've noticed grammar-wise is the occasional sentence clauses that would be clearer if they were re-arranged. Oh, and prepositions at the end of sentences.

    As for the characterization and plot, I couldn't see any problems. V's utter stubbornness and resistance to torture possibly pushed the bounds of believability once or twice, but then again V is nothing if not determined, so maybe not.

    I eagerly await the next story. Very eagerly.

    EDIT: Incidentally, I'd be happy to beta OOTS stories on FF.net, but I have no idea how the beta-reading system works.
    Last edited by Zanaril; 2009-10-20 at 01:23 PM.
    This post may contain sarcasm.
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  20. - Top - End - #1250
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    Default Re: Crack Pairings II - Brain Bleach not Supplied

    *Takes a steadying breath*

    W-well it l-looks like I will be trying this again. *Gulp*

    Here goes nothing. *Wince*

    Spoiler
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    "I'm sorry that something like that happened, Celia."

    "Well it did! It took forever for someone to find me! I'm going to need to talk to Roy about his sister the next time I see him."

    "Yes, of course. And again I apologize for what has happened. I will give you double the extra credit because of it."

    "Triple! I did mention there was a pencil involved!"

    "I'm... going to try not to picture that. Anyways, here's your current grade. I will definately be more careful about assigning Extra-credit problems. See you later, Celia."

    Celia got up and flew out of the class. She remembered how the magic school kept apologizing for what had happened and that they would displine Julia Greenhilt most severly. But Celia knew that little tramp would smooth talk the teachers off.

    She flew around angrily and finally arrived at a court house. She decided to get her mind off of the event by starting early on that court house report. She entered in and proceeded down the halls. She eentually spotted a pair of people in suits preparing paperwork before going into the court room. As she neared them, she could hear what they were saying.

    -going to use it and that's final!"

    "But it's on spooooky legal paper."

    "That's it! I will be handling this case myself! Mr. Rod, you will not partake in it at all!"

    "But-"

    "No Buts!"

    And with a slam, the door to the court room was shut, leaving Mr. Rodriguez standing in the hall alone.

    "It's not fair!" He whined.

    "What happened?"

    "He never takes my ideas seriously. It's all, 'were not going to blend' or 'it's a serious buisness'. But what about my idea's?"

    "Here, let me take a look." He gave her the paper and she looked at it thourghly. She could tell right away what the problem was. It was almost as if Elan himself was trying to be a lawyer. She had to try extra hard to not sigh. "Well, I can see some mistakes here."

    "NO!! Please! I'm sorry! Writ of habeas corpus!"

    "Woah! Calm down! What's wrong?

    Mr. Rod was cowering on the floor with his back to the wall. "Last time someone said it was a mistake, it was a scary chaotic halfling."

    Celia thought back to Belkar. Yup. That would totally be that little psycopath. She picks Mr. Rod off the floor. "Here. Why don't we have a drink and I will show you how you can improve."

    "Y-You'd really do that?"

    "Sure! I have a perfect record."

    "Awww... my record is 0-147..."


    I kept myself from getting into this too deep. This was a rehabilitation attempt for me. What do you guys think?
    Last edited by Silverraptor; 2009-10-20 at 01:39 PM.
    My own webcomic. Idiosyncrasy.
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  21. - Top - End - #1251
    Ogre in the Playground
     
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    Default Re: Crack Pairings II - Brain Bleach not Supplied

    Quote Originally Posted by Silverraptor View Post
    I kept myself from getting into this too deep. This was a rehabilitation attempt for me. What do you guys think?
    CeilaxMr Rodriguez?

    I can totally see it happening.
    Last edited by Zanaril; 2009-10-20 at 01:53 PM.
    This post may contain sarcasm.
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  22. - Top - End - #1252
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    Default Re: Crack Pairings II - Brain Bleach not Supplied

    Next crack pairing...

    Tsukiko x All of the Demon Roaches at once

    Again, no story, but banner. WARNING: This picture is NSFW...

    No. I can't risk ban for such a picture. PM me if you want to see my drawing.
    Last edited by Cicciograna; 2009-10-20 at 02:27 PM.

  23. - Top - End - #1253

    Default Re: Crack Pairings II - Brain Bleach not Supplied

    Quote Originally Posted by MReav View Post
    Hey, Dark_Fiddler, is my new table acceptable?
    Yes, yes it is. I just keep getting disctracted before I get a chance to add it to the OP.

    Like right now, by my bio homework.

    Quote Originally Posted by Cicciograna View Post
    No. I can't risk ban for such a picture. PM me if you want to see my drawing.
    That... that may have been smart. I saw it before you edited it... and oh god....
    Last edited by The Dark Fiddler; 2009-10-20 at 02:34 PM.
    It's been a bit, GitP. If you're reading this, you're either digging through old stuff, or I've posted for the first time in forever.

    If you want to stay in touch, reach out to me on twitter (same username).

    The best answer is always to ask your DM.
    Unless you're the DM, in which case you should talk to your players.

  24. - Top - End - #1254
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    Default Re: Crack Pairings II - Brain Bleach not Supplied

    I did too. That was certainly of ban-worthy notice.
    My own webcomic. Idiosyncrasy.
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  25. - Top - End - #1255
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    Default Re: Crack Pairings II - Brain Bleach not Supplied

    Quote Originally Posted by The Dark Fiddler View Post
    That... that may have been smart. I saw it before you edited it... and oh god....
    Gah! I don't want to see it...

    ...but at the same time I do.
    This post may contain sarcasm.
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  26. - Top - End - #1256
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    ClericGuy

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings II - Brain Bleach not Supplied

    Quote Originally Posted by Silverraptor View Post
    *Takes a steadying breath*

    W-well it l-looks like I will be trying this again. *Gulp*

    Here goes nothing. *Wince*

    Spoiler
    Show
    "I'm sorry that something like that happened, Celia."

    "Well it did! It took forever for someone to find me! I'm going to need to talk to Roy about his sister the next time I see him."

    "Yes, of course. And again I apologize for what has happened. I will give you double the extra credit because of it."

    "Triple! I did mention there was a pencil involved!"

    "I'm... going to try not to picture that. Anyways, here's your current grade. I will definately be more careful about assigning Extra-credit problems. See you later, Celia."

    Celia got up and flew out of the class. She remembered how the magic school kept apologizing for what had happened and that they would displine Julia Greenhilt most severly. But Celia knew that little tramp would smooth talk the teachers off.

    She flew around angrily and finally arrived at a court house. She decided to get her mind off of the event by starting early on that court house report. She entered in and proceeded down the halls. She eentually spotted a pair of people in suits preparing paperwork before going into the court room. As she neared them, she could hear what they were saying.

    -going to use it and that's final!"

    "But it's on spooooky legal paper."

    "That's it! I will be handling this case myself! Mr. Rod, you will not partake in it at all!"

    "But-"

    "No Buts!"

    And with a slam, the door to the court room was shut, leaving Mr. Rodriguez standing in the hall alone.

    "It's not fair!" He whined.

    "What happened?"

    "He never takes my ideas seriously. It's all, 'were not going to blend' or 'it's a serious buisness'. But what about my idea's?"

    "Here, let me take a look." He gave her the paper and she looked at it thourghly. She could tell right away what the problem was. It was almost as if Elan himself was trying to be a lawyer. She had to try extra hard to not sigh. "Well, I can see some mistakes here."

    "NO!! Please! I'm sorry! Writ of habeas corpus!"

    "Woah! Calm down! What's wrong?

    Mr. Rod was cowering on the floor with his back to the wall. "Last time someone said it was a mistake, it was a scary chaotic halfling."

    Celia thought back to Belkar. Yup. That would totally be that little psycopath. She picks Mr. Rod off the floor. "Here. Why don't we have a drink and I will show you how you can improve."

    "Y-You'd really do that?"

    "Sure! I have a perfect record."

    "Awww... my record is 0-147..."


    I kept myself from getting into this too deep. This was a rehabilitation attempt for me. What do you guys think?
    Not bad. Ceila and Mr. Rodriguez, I can see that happening.

    Quote Originally Posted by The Dark Fiddler View Post
    That... that may have been smart. I saw it before you edited it... and oh god....
    ...Do not want to see it...Do not want to see it...Do not want to see it........want to see it...arrgggh!!!

  27. - Top - End - #1257
    Orc in the Playground
     
    Meg's Avatar

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings II - Brain Bleach not Supplied

    @Water-Smurf: ... So sad. But it ended about as happily as it could. I mean, no one died or went insane, so that's good.

    @Silverraptor: That was more of a crack friendship then a crack pairing, but I liked it nontheless.

    Anyway, here's part two of Tsukiko and Redcloak. The darn thing seems to be growing, so there's more to come. As always, comments/criticisms/etc. are more than welcome.

    Spoiler
    Show

    It took Redcloak a few minutes to snap out of it. He’d never exactly been good at reading social cues, but this had to be some kind of record. Refusing to feel certain feelings was something of a strategy of his. He hadn’t allowed himself to feel non-familial affection for thirty years, and now even that was blacklisted. But Tsukiko seemed determined to take love, or at least lust, off the list.

    And she seemed to have decided the most effective way to do this was by following him around. And wearing the Not-A-Shirt. She was succeeding only in making him supremely uncomfortable. He seemed to be the only one who felt that way. Jirix, for one seemed rather appreciative.

    “Redcloak, do you think Tsukiko is pretty?”

    “....Yes, but I wouldn’t word it that way. I think she could be a lovely young lady if she stopped dressing like a tramp.”

    “I don’t dress like a tramp!” They had been having the conversation in front of Tsukiko. She hadn’t minded.

    “That’s not a shirt, Tsukiko. That’s three strips of black leather and some adhesive.” She pouted. Redcloak sighed, finished his lunch, and went of to do whatever it was he was he did.

    Tsukiko stood to follow him, but Jirix stopped her. “Wait.”

    “What? I don’t really have time to chat, Jirix," said Tsukiko curtly, eyes on the door shutting behind Redcloak.

    “That’s exactly why I want to talk to you. Tsukiko, I just don’t think Redcloak is interested in you. You keep chasing after him, and he doesn’t notice. There are tons of guys who like you, don’t waste your time mooning after him.”

    “Excuse me? Are you my father?”

    “No, but-"

    “Then I don’t see how my love life is any of your business. If I want to ‘moon over’ Reddy, than that’s my choice. Butt out.” She jerked her arm out of his hold and stormed off before he could finish his sentence.

    “But I don’t want to see you get hurt.”

    ----

    Tsukiko didn’t want him to know it, but Jirix’s words had really gotten to her. She didn’t know why he cared so much, but it was true. She was a hot young theurge, and Reddy was just some cleric. She wanted a definite answer, and she wanted that answer to be “Yes.”

    And if there’s one thing that spontaneous spell-casters get very good at very quickly, it’s getting what they want.

    Tsukiko stormed up the twisting stairs to the tower Redcloak inhabited. It was unclear exactly why everyone had their rooms in towers. It was damn inconvenient to everything else in the entire castle. But sometimes, logic must be forsaken for drama. Like with towers.

    Tsukiko was even angrier when she reached the top of the stairs. Out of breath, she forewent knocking, and kicked to door open, which banged dramatically, as it hadn’t been locked, or even closed. “REDCLOAK!”
    The cleric jumped about a mile, the thick book he’d been reading falling to the floor with a thud. “What do you need?” he asked angrily, picking the book back up.

    “Do you like me or do you not like me?”

    “I-"

    “Do you like me or not?”

    “Tsukiko, that’s a question I-"

    “Yes or no?”

    He hesitated for only a moment before taking her hands and kissing her gently. In a remarkable (for her) display of self-control, Tsukiko was able to keep herself from squealing, and thus ruining the moment. The other thing that could have had much moment-ruining potential was Jirix, who had followed Tsukiko, expecting Redcloak to brush her off, and send her, weeping, into his arms.

    Unfortunately for Jirix, that was not what had happened. Instead, he stood, framed in the door, gaping, before quietly leaving before either of them noticed his presence.

    ----

    Of course, Jirix wasn’t planning on being the better man and saying that he just wanted Tsukiko to be happy. What was he, a hero or something? No, of course he wasn’t. There were many perks to being evil, and never having to lose gracefully was one of them.

    Admittedly, his plan at this point was pretty much to storm around angrily for a while, have a good cry, and then purchase a love potion. But it was all he had come up with in the forty seconds it had taken him to stalk down the tower stairs before running into Xykon.

    “HEY! I’m trying really hard to think of situation where the place you’re going is more important than the place I’m going. I’m also failing,” said Xykon.

    “Sorry sir. I was... distracted.”

    “By what? Your excuse had better be good. I’ve got a Meteor Swarm burning a hole in my pocket, if you catch my drift.”

    Jirix gulped. Today was just not his day. “The fact the Redcloak and Tsukiko are making out in his room?”

    “Come again?”

    “Tsukiko. And. Redcloak. Are. Kissing. In his room.”

    For the first time in his death, Xykon did not know what to say. For a moment, he was half-way expecting someone to jump out, yell “Surprise!” and die before they had time to register he’d fireball’d them. But a few tense moments passed, and the person in charge of yelling “Surprise” was either nonexistent or very timid.

    Forced to acknowledge that this was not someone’s idea of a joke, Xykon said, “Really? I though Reddy played for the other team.”

    “And I thought he didn't play. At all."

    They stood in awkward silence, reflecting on their misinterpretation of Redcloak’s gender preferences.

    “Also, I thought it was you who had a thing for Tsukiko.”

    “It was,” said Jirix bitterly.

    “Well,” said Xykon, “This is excruciatingly awkward.”

    “It is,” conceded Jirix.

    After a moment, Xykon said, “Well, I’ve got nothing better to do this afternoon. Wanna make them break up?”

    “Can I say ‘Yes,’ loud enough?”


    Well?

    ...And that is how I met your father.

  28. - Top - End - #1258

    Default Re: Crack Pairings II - Brain Bleach not Supplied

    No, Jirix! Tsukiko isn't good enough for you!


    Try Vaarsuvius instead.
    It's been a bit, GitP. If you're reading this, you're either digging through old stuff, or I've posted for the first time in forever.

    If you want to stay in touch, reach out to me on twitter (same username).

    The best answer is always to ask your DM.
    Unless you're the DM, in which case you should talk to your players.

  29. - Top - End - #1259
    Bugbear in the Playground
     
    Cicciograna's Avatar

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings II - Brain Bleach not Supplied

    Quote Originally Posted by The Dark Fiddler View Post
    No, Jirix! Tsukiko isn't good enough for you!


    Try Vaarsuvius instead.
    There is a simple solution to this problem.

    Threesome.
    Last edited by Cicciograna; 2009-10-20 at 05:13 PM.

  30. - Top - End - #1260
    Dwarf in the Playground
     
    PJ the Epic's Avatar

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings II - Brain Bleach not Supplied

    How 'bout Durkon and the trees from episode #345?

    I'm no good at writing or drawing, though
    Enjoy the little things in life, for one day you'll look back and realize they were big things.
    ~Kurt Vonnegut

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