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  1. - Top - End - #1291
    Ogre in the Playground
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    Default Re: Crack Pairings V - We Revel in Infamy

    Apart from the twincest, gender-flipping, rape (both implied and...yeah), and the gravitational pull around the word 'orgy'?

    The descriptions, which have got reactions that vary from to to to

    Edit: And yeah, the ABD fic, oh god the ABD fic.
    Last edited by Reynard; 2010-01-12 at 02:56 PM.

  2. - Top - End - #1292
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    Default Re: Crack Pairings V - We Revel in Infamy

    Quote Originally Posted by Closak View Post
    Probably the hot dragon-on-everything-else action

    IDEA!

    ABD/SCIENCE!

    Friggin dragons wil have sex with anything, even the concept of SCIENCE! isn't safe.

    ...What?
    That's it. You die now.

    SMITE EVIL!

    Now I'm off to kill ABD

    then Tiamat

    then whatever other evil gods I feel like.

  3. - Top - End - #1293
    Dwarf in the Playground
     
    RangerGuy

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings V - We Revel in Infamy

    Quote Originally Posted by Kyuubi View Post
    Now I'm off to kill ABD

    then Tiamat

    then whatever other evil gods I feel like.
    Make sure to give Nerull a kick in the rear for me.

    Spoiler
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    Oh wait, as of 4th Ed., that sucker's dead. Scratch that.
    Assistant Executioneer of the Fanclub

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  4. - Top - End - #1294
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    Default Re: Crack Pairings V - We Revel in Infamy

    Quote Originally Posted by Nathander View Post
    Make sure to give Nerull a kick in the rear for me.

    Spoiler
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    Oh wait, as of 4th Ed., that sucker's dead. Scratch that.
    yeah. that's cause I killed him.

  5. - Top - End - #1295
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    Default Re: Crack Pairings V - We Revel in Infamy

    Quote Originally Posted by Oooohaloophole View Post
    Not to intrude on your Privacy But, Where do you live? And Where is this camp located? Is is connected to your grades, Does it accept IB Grades? Cause It sounds like a fun place to go to, Im 14 and my dad is a Rich Russian Dude.

    And does it acccept males? Or Jewish people?
    I'm from the US.

    Yes it does.

    I'm Jewish.

    Quote Originally Posted by Asta Kask View Post
    BTW, you have a birthday coming up in... July?
    Yes, I do.


    Quote Originally Posted by Asta Kask View Post
    You could get one of them Leather Bikinis. We'd need pics, of course. Just to to check the quality of the leather.
    But how will I be able to go swimming?

  6. - Top - End - #1296
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    Default Re: Crack Pairings V - We Revel in Infamy

    Quote Originally Posted by Zanaril View Post
    Artistic urges.... tingling....
    Slaps Zanil. I ASKED FIRST! Seriosly Please?

    And can you finaly answer What is Dark Fiddlers Avatar? A Flying holy jar?
    Last edited by Oooohaloophole; 2010-01-12 at 03:24 PM.

  7. - Top - End - #1297
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    Default Re: Crack Pairings V - We Revel in Infamy

    *Steps on Oooohaloophole*

    Whoops, i didn't see you there...Did you just hit Zanaril? *Sits on Oooohaloophole*



    ABD: GET BACK HERE!!!

    ...Gotta go *Runs*

  8. - Top - End - #1298
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    Default Re: Crack Pairings V - We Revel in Infamy

    Quote Originally Posted by Reynard View Post
    Okay, after a couple of days catching up on this...

    You are all very strange people.
    Yes, we are. But as I pointed out to Coffee - who wants to be normal anyway? Humdrum. Mediocre. Average. And if you scratch a 'normal' person, you almost always find an odd hobby or a strange habit lurking in the background.

    Quote Originally Posted by Oooohaloophole View Post
    Slaps Zanil. I ASKED FIRST! Seriosly Please?
    The artist will draw what tickles her fancy. She doesn't do this for a living. If she did, then comissions would be quite proper.

    Quote Originally Posted by CoffeeIncluded View Post
    But how will I be able to go swimming?
    I think leather bikinis are for... occasions more suited to this thread.

    How did you like Elan's love song to Therkla?
    Last edited by Asta Kask; 2010-01-12 at 03:42 PM.
    Avatar by CoffeeIncluded

    Oooh, and that's a bad miss.

    “Don't exercise your freedom of speech until you have exercised your freedom of thought.”
    ― Tim Fargo

  9. - Top - End - #1299
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    Default Re: Crack Pairings V - We Revel in Infamy

    Quote Originally Posted by Closak View Post
    *Steps on Oooohaloophole*

    Whoops, i didn't see you there...Did you just hit Zanaril? *Sits on Oooohaloophole*



    ABD: GET BACK HERE!!!

    ...Gotta go *Runs*
    Finger of death. Seriosly im like....lv 34. Then I resurect you. Where would I be getting my Hot dragon action from? Oh still prisy about me killing you, well Eeeeeeeeexcuuuuuuuuuuse me Dragon.

    Can you do Elanasuarus/ABD. Or is it done already?

  10. - Top - End - #1300
    Colossus in the Playground
     
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    Default Re: Crack Pairings V - We Revel in Infamy

    Quote Originally Posted by Asta Kask View Post
    Yes, we are. But as I pointed out to Coffee - who wants to be normal anyway? Humdrum. Mediocre. Average. And if you scratch a 'normal' person, you almost always find an odd hobby or a strange habit lurking in the background.
    Like my physics teacher. He's made DnD references and shown MST3K videos in class.

    I'm the only girl (And possibly the only person) in the class who knows what he's talking about. Though I don't say it. The other people in the class already dislike me, and I really don't need the stress in my life.

    In other news: I'm doing my Latin homework, and Pygmalion really needed to get laid.

    Those of you who know what I'm talking about will see the Crack Pairing potential in here. (Gotta keep every post on-topic somehow!)

  11. - Top - End - #1301
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    Default Re: Crack Pairings V - We Revel in Infamy

    Quote Originally Posted by CoffeeIncluded View Post
    Like my physics teacher. He's made DnD references and shown MST3K videos in class.

    I'm the only girl (And possibly the only person) in the class who knows what he's talking about. Though I don't say it. The other people in the class already dislike me, and I really don't need the stress in my life.
    God what what would I do for a girl who played Dnd. Yeah its like that In my school to....Except more laughing at educational movies about death because of overtoxification in Ukriane. Yep that constitutes as FUNNY in my class.

    Quote Originally Posted by Asta Kask View Post

    The artist will draw what tickles her fancy. She doesn't do this for a living. If she did, then comissions would be quite proper.
    Yes I know! She would probably kick my ass in any drawing she made...I just wanna test myself ya know.
    Last edited by Oooohaloophole; 2010-01-12 at 03:48 PM.

  12. - Top - End - #1302
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    Default Re: Crack Pairings V - We Revel in Infamy

    That's because high-schoolers are generally f**ktards who are forced to be there.

  13. - Top - End - #1303
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    Default Re: Crack Pairings V - We Revel in Infamy

    Quote Originally Posted by Oooohaloophole View Post
    Finger of death. Seriosly im like....lv 34. Then I resurect you. Where would I be getting my Hot dragon action from? Oh still prisy about me killing you, well Eeeeeeeeexcuuuuuuuuuuse me Dragon.

    Can you do Elanasuarus/ABD. Or is it done already?
    I'm only like level 25...
    But i'm also a dragon so i get a pretty nifty power boost from that.
    And i don't think the master would be very happy if his servant got killed.

    And as for what level the master is... hard to say really, but he one-shotted Death itself at one point, while using one of his weakest moves and looking the other way.


    Elanasaurus/ABD?
    Not at the moment, maybe later. Maybe.
    Last edited by Closak; 2010-01-12 at 03:45 PM.

  14. - Top - End - #1304
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    ClericGuy

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings V - We Revel in Infamy

    Quote Originally Posted by CoffeeIncluded View Post
    Like my physics teacher. He's made DnD references and shown MST3K videos in class.

    I'm the only girl (And possibly the only person) in the class who knows what he's talking about. Though I don't say it. The other people in the class already dislike me, and I really don't need the stress in my life.
    Sounds like my kind on teacher. And you probably are not the only girl in the class who knows what he's talking about. They probably, like you, don't want to admit it.

    Quote Originally Posted by CoffeeIncluded View Post
    In other news: I'm doing my Latin homework, and Pygmalion really needed to get laid.

    Those of you who know what I'm talking about will see the Crack Pairing potential in here. (Gotta keep every post on-topic somehow!)
    ... This will be interesting...if nothing else.

    Quote Originally Posted by Oooohaloophole View Post
    God what what would I do for a girl who played Dnd.
    Me too. Think of all the fun we would have.
    Last edited by Aaron; 2010-01-12 at 03:47 PM.
    Your local Cleric.

    Cleric of the Murphy's Law Thread
    (yes, that is possible)

    "Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines."

  15. - Top - End - #1305
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    Default Re: Crack Pairings V - We Revel in Infamy

    Quote Originally Posted by Closak View Post
    I'm only like level 25...
    But i'm also a dragon so i get a pretty nifty power boost from that.
    And i don't think the master would be very happy if his servant got killed.

    And as for what level the master is... hard to say really, but he one-shotted Death itself at one point, while using one of his weakest moves and looking the other way.


    Elanasaurus/ABD?
    Not at the moment, maybe later. Maybe.
    My Has long since transended Godhood and became something more of a Vestiege....Wait hes telling me hes playing your master at a game of poker.....Nevermind then Looks like thier both vestieges. And he says your master owns him a fifty Vestiege bucks for killing an underling.

    Me too. Think of all the fun we would have.
    Um, whats whith the wink?...Its just kinda creepy.

    Edit: And watersmurf, will the main story have a happy ending? I hope so but knowing very little of you I understand ...Probabaly not.
    Last edited by Oooohaloophole; 2010-01-12 at 04:13 PM.

  16. - Top - End - #1306
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    Default Re: Crack Pairings V - We Revel in Infamy

    Quote Originally Posted by CoffeeIncluded View Post
    The other people in the class already dislike me, and I really don't need the stress in my life.
    Gods above, girl, what have you done? Was it a butyric acid bomb?

    Seriously - it's their loss.

    Quote Originally Posted by CoffeeIncluded View Post
    In other news: I'm doing my Latin homework, and Pygmalion really needed to get laid.
    Yes. Yes, he did.

    Have you heard what Churchill said when his teacher asked for the vocative of table?

    "But Sir, I don't talk to tables."
    Avatar by CoffeeIncluded

    Oooh, and that's a bad miss.

    “Don't exercise your freedom of speech until you have exercised your freedom of thought.”
    ― Tim Fargo

  17. - Top - End - #1307
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    Default Re: Crack Pairings V - We Revel in Infamy

    Quote Originally Posted by Oooohaloophole View Post
    Slaps Zanil. I ASKED FIRST! Seriosly Please?

    And can you finaly answer What is Dark Fiddlers Avatar? A Flying holy jar?
    I don't even remember you asking.

    *slaps back*

    DF's avatar is one of the characters from a comic he made.

    It is not, despite appearances, a holy lemon.

    Quote Originally Posted by Closak View Post
    Probably the hot dragon-on-everything-else action

    IDEA!

    ABD/SCIENCE!

    Friggin dragons wil have sex with anything, even the concept of SCIENCE! isn't safe.

    ...What?
    Crack Pairings (n): Screwing with Science! (Literally)
    Last edited by Zanaril; 2010-01-12 at 04:02 PM.
    This post may contain sarcasm.
    DeviantArt

  18. - Top - End - #1308
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    Default Re: Crack Pairings V - We Revel in Infamy

    Quote Originally Posted by Zanaril View Post
    Crack Pairings (n): Screwing with Science! (Literally)
    We totally have to use that as a title at some point

  19. - Top - End - #1309
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    Default Re: Crack Pairings V - We Revel in Infamy

    Quote Originally Posted by Asta Kask View Post
    Gods above, girl, what have you done? Was it a butyric acid bomb?

    Seriously - it's their loss.
    Uhm...Prefer reading over talking to people, coupled with a short fuse?

    Maybe that, and that I'm...That I'm smart but not in their social circle, I guess.

    I don't know and frankly I've stopped caring. I'm just waiting for college so I can start over in a way.

    Quote Originally Posted by Zanaril View Post
    Crack Pairings (n): Screwing with Science! (Literally)
    But it's not as if we've got any biological incompatibility here...
    Last edited by CoffeeIncluded; 2010-01-12 at 04:06 PM.

  20. - Top - End - #1310
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    Default Re: Crack Pairings V - We Revel in Infamy

    Quote Originally Posted by CoffeeIncluded View Post
    Uhm...Prefer reading over talking to people, coupled with a short fuse?

    Maybe that, and that I'm...That I'm smart but not in their social circle, I guess.

    I don't know and frankly I've stopped caring. I'm just waiting for college so I can start over in a way.
    God how you remind me of me. Tell me are you the shortest girl in the class even though your quite tall for your age?

  21. - Top - End - #1311
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    Default Re: Crack Pairings V - We Revel in Infamy

    Spoiler
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    The ABD was stalking the schools corridors.

    It was the middle of night and the only people there were her and the janitor who would always clean the place at night.

    The plan, find the janitor, corner him, drag him into the sound-proof music rooms to avoid making a ruckus, have some fun with him, and then erase his memory of the event.

    She had managed to remain in the school after it ended by using Invisibility.

    The sound of a mop hitting the floor reached her ears, the janitor was nearby.
    The ABD smirked to herself.

    She snuck around a corner and stopped to listen, the sound seemed to be from just around the next corner.

    She peeked around the corner and sure enough, there the janitor was.

    She snuck up on him and knocked him unconcious.

    ---Later---

    The janitor woke up in the sound proofed music rooms to the sight of the ABD standing over him.

    "Hello there" She said, lust in her eyes.

    The janitor screamed.

    ---Later---

    Satisfied, the ABD left the school.

    However, halfway to her home she realized that she had forgotten to erase the janitors memory.

    ...The principal was going to have a mad fit of rage if he found out. And he would find out, because boy-to...errr...the janitor would undoubtedly tell him.

    'CRAP!'



    I'm an evil monster.
    Fitting then that i would create a monster.


    So...Comments?
    Last edited by Closak; 2010-01-12 at 04:34 PM.

  22. - Top - End - #1312

    Default Re: Crack Pairings V - We Revel in Infamy

    Quote Originally Posted by Zanaril View Post
    DF's avatar is one of the characters from a comic he made.

    It is not, despite appearances, a holy lemon.
    Actually, it's just in the style.

    And I never actually go past the planning stage. Mostly because the art sucked and I'm having a hard enough time updating my Let's Play. Although... if people really want to see it, maybe I could try, I guess. *Shrugs*
    It's been a bit, GitP. If you're reading this, you're either digging through old stuff, or I've posted for the first time in forever.

    If you want to stay in touch, reach out to me on twitter (same username).

    The best answer is always to ask your DM.
    Unless you're the DM, in which case you should talk to your players.

  23. - Top - End - #1313
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    Default Re: Crack Pairings V - We Revel in Infamy

    Quote Originally Posted by Silverraptor View Post
    Cool. Can you show me what you've done so far?
    I've sent you a PM with all the stuff. It's still in its infancy though, but the thread's people seem to like it.
    Beware the many wrong things in this spoiler!
    Spoiler
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    The Order of the Stick Jr.
    Meet : Alexander, Joan, Ross, Leilandius, Hitomi, Ngoc and Arduvanius


    As interpreted (and drawn) by yours truly, Yiuel

    Yiuel LeMelvillois
    Only on blank paper do we write the best stories...

  24. - Top - End - #1314
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    Default Re: Crack Pairings V - We Revel in Infamy

    Quote Originally Posted by Zanaril View Post
    Artistic urges.... tingling....
    *emphatically nudges art bunnies closer* Maybe she's Xykon's arm ornament? She would look pretty and powerful enough. Or maybe Redcloak is looking pained/longing in the background. Maybe he's touching her shoulder sadly. Maybe we could have Dark!Tiasal next to Innocent!Child!Tiasal...

    Quote Originally Posted by Reynard View Post
    Apart from the twincest, gender-flipping, rape (both implied and...yeah), and the gravitational pull around the word 'orgy'?
    Hm. I've only had one of those things. I'm probably doing something wrong.

    Quote Originally Posted by Oooohaloophole View Post
    Slaps Zanil. I ASKED FIRST! Seriosly Please?
    Easy! Lots of artists can do the same thing. ^.^ Don't worry.

    Spoiler
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    The April Squickies Award for Best Crack Pairing Story


    Thank you so much to Kaytara for the avatar! It's of Redcloak's and Vaarsuvius's love child.

  25. - Top - End - #1315
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    Default Re: Crack Pairings V - We Revel in Infamy

    Quote Originally Posted by Water-Smurf View Post
    *emphatically nudges art bunnies closer* Maybe she's Xykon's arm ornament? She would look pretty and powerful enough. Or maybe Redcloak is looking pained/longing in the background. Maybe he's touching her shoulder sadly. Maybe we could have Dark!Tiasal next to Innocent!Child!Tiasal...
    Hell no, in soviet Ukrian Tiasal Rip your head off and wear YOU as an arm ornament

  26. - Top - End - #1316
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    Default Re: Crack Pairings V - We Revel in Infamy

    Quote Originally Posted by Water-Smurf View Post
    *emphatically nudges art bunnies closer*
    *eats art bunnies*

    Thanks!



    ...how else am I supposed to get the ideas out of them?
    This post may contain sarcasm.
    DeviantArt

  27. - Top - End - #1317
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    Default Re: Crack Pairings V - We Revel in Infamy

    I'm writing a little more PotG while I'm stuck on the requests and more serious stories, so I'm curious as to see who actually likes reading it. It's a story that I write to stretch my writing muscles, but I'd like it to at least be semi-good quality.

    Spoiler
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    The April Squickies Award for Best Crack Pairing Story


    Thank you so much to Kaytara for the avatar! It's of Redcloak's and Vaarsuvius's love child.

  28. - Top - End - #1318
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    Default Re: Crack Pairings V - We Revel in Infamy

    Love the latest high school pic, Yiuel. Can we hope for any prom pics?

    Hope to see that update soon, Lawyergoblin!

    The more I hear of this infamous Nerd Camp, the more I wish I could go (but alas, I'm over 16).

    Quote Originally Posted by Dark Apprentice View Post
    Alright, here's "Roy's sword/The really dangerous trap." It's very rushed, but I don't think I did too terrible.

    Spoiler
    Show
    .


    Thoughts?
    Very creative and funny. I like it!

    Quote Originally Posted by Asta Kask View Post
    Elan x Therkla



    Comments?
    Heheheh. Nice.

    Quote Originally Posted by Zanaril View Post
    Artistic urges.... tingling....
    Ooo, please do; I'd love to see a visual representation of what Watersmurf described.

    Was that a reference to the story of Pygmalion and Galatea, Coffee?

    Disturbing as usual, Closak.

    Anyway, sorry I didn't finish yesterday like I said I would, but here's my take on how Nale and Sabine met, with guest appearances from Janine and Radic from Murphy's Law.

    Spoiler
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    “So tell me why you came to see me today, Nale.” It was as good a prompt as any, Doctor Yamaha thought. The brat had spent the bulk of the session bragging about how well his latest dungeon crawl had gone (probably because his own friends were sick of hearing about it), so now that there was a lull in the conversation they should probably try to get to some actual therapy.

    “Same stuff as usual,” said the goateed teen with a shrug, “I’m bored. Dad won’t let me command some of his army. I spend more time with Thog than I did with my last girlfriend. I’m here more to spite Dad by wasting his money than for actual help. Don’t think there’s a prescription for that.”

    “Maybe a better girlfriend…” the therapist murmured.

    “Really?” said Nale.

    “No,” said the therapist hurriedly, “I was joking.”

    “Because I think some sexual validation could really help me with my self esteem issues…” the blonde mused.

    “You don’t have self esteem issues, Nale.” You’re an egomaniac. Which was the problem with being the kid’s therapist in the first place; his father was the local Tyrant, so it wouldn’t exactly be the wisest course of action to imply that there was anything wrong with the boy’s consuming obsession with what a gift to the world he was.

    “I’m just putting my mental health first, here,” said Nale quite seriously, “And if I recall correctly, it is your job to do the same.”

    “Of course,” said Yamaha as tolerantly as he could manage, “Alright. Then stop to consider that self esteem comes from within, not without.”

    “I dunno,” said Nale, “I like the idea of sexual validation.”

    “Why haven’t you gone on a campaign yet?” Yamaha soldiered on.

    “Excuse me?” said Nale.

    “You know,” he said, “A campaign. You and Thog have done what? Some grinding? A few mini-quests? If you really want validation, put together a party and start a real campaign; it’ll give you a sense of purpose. Leave home for more than a week for once. Pick out a quest that’ll take some real work. Go have an adventure.”

    “A campaign…” Nale repeated thoughtfully.

    “Yes,” said Yamaha, glad the boy had gotten his mind off—

    “And sexual validation.”

    Yahama sighed and resisted the urge to do a facepalm.

    ---

    An adventure… Nale mused on the way home, And some real validation… Maybe it really was time for a more long-term quest. Getting together a party shouldn’t be too hard, and a good quest ought to come up naturally if he just started out in a big city. And he knew just the place…

    ---

    Cliffport. The big city. Markets. Skyscrapers (five whole stories!). Whorehouses. Parks.

    “Free puppies!”

    “Huh? Thog! Come back here!” Nale snapped out of the awed daze the magnificent city had put him in and chased his friend to the cardboard box filled with tiny wriggling mutts. “I’m not buying you a puppy.”

    “Free puppies,” Thog repeated stubbornly. “Thog want.”

    “I don’t care if they’re free,” said Nale irritably, “You wouldn’t take care of a puppy, and I’m not going to mess with it.”

    “Thog take care of puppy,” said Thog, scratching one of the free puppies behind the ears happily.

    “Yeah, right…” Nale muttered, glancing around. It was getting late. A sign advertising CHEAP ROOMS!!! answered all the questions he had about where they could spend their nights (of course Dad hadn’t loaned him any money for his quest, the cheapskate). “You can stay here. I’ll check us in.”

    There was a short line at the desk in the lobby. After a blonde headed off to her room, two dark-skinned chicks checked in between groping each other and giggling.

    “Lemme guess,” said the lady behind the desk dryly, “Missus and Missus ‘Smith’?”

    “Teehee,” said one of the girls, which was a little weird, Nale thought; he’d never heard someone actually say “Teehee” before. “Room for two,” the girl said, “But we only need the one bed.”

    “Room Sixteen,” the receptionist said, handing them a key.

    That looks like an “adventure”… Nale thought, stepping up to the desk.

    “Checking in?”

    “Yes,” said Nale, eyeing the previous two customers with a leering grin. “Room for two. With two beds,” he added quickly.

    “Name?”

    “Nale.”

    “Nale what?”

    “Nale the Fighter. Slash Rogue. … Slash Sorcerer.”

    “I was fishing for a last name,” the receptionist said flatly, giving him a critical look over the top of her wiry spectacles.

    “Oh,” said Nale, “Uh…” He frowned.

    “That’s fine, honey,” said the receptionist, writing in the record book, “Nale the Fighter slash Rogue. Is that right?”

    “Slash Sorcerer,” Nale mumbled.

    “Right. Room Seventeen,” the receptionist said, handing him a key with a smile. She was thinking about what a wonderful prestige class “Slash Sorcerer” would be.

    “Seventeen,” Nale repeated. “Come on, Thog,” he called over his shoulder.

    “Thog busy,” the half-orc’s voice replied from outside the doorway.

    “We’re not getting a puppy,” Nale said sharply, “So stop playing with them.”

    “Nale mean,” Thog said, entering the building pouting.

    -later that night-

    There was silence in Nale and Thog’s room. Or at least there would be if the walls weren’t so thin.

    “What Nale think happening next door?”

    Wh-what?” Nale jumped nearly three feet straight up in the air from where he’d been standing with his ear to the wall. Recovering his nerves, he said, “I thought you were asleep, Thog.”

    “Thog no sleep. Too much noise. What Nale think happening?”

    Wild, passionate, lesbian love-making that may or may not involve possibly illegal implements and activities, my half-Orc friend. But I don’t feel like giving you a vocabulary lesson right now, so… “It’s just a couple of girls having a pajama party, Thog,” Nale said matter-of-factly, “Go back to sleep.”

    “Thog can’t,” the fighter whined, “Too noisy.” Thog sat up and retrieved his greataxe from where he’d discarded it on the floor. “Thog tell girls to be quiet.” He stood up and headed toward the door.

    “Nonononono!” Nale protested, throwing himself between his friend and the door.

    “Why not?”

    “Oh, for the love of…” Nale sighed and restarted as patiently as he could, “I mean, I saw those girls while I was checking us in, Thog. They’re both really pretty, and they’re having a slumber party; it’s Cootie Central in there, man, you can’t risk it!”

    Thog went green…er and shuddered. “Thog no want cooties.”

    “Right,” said Nale, “So you just get yourself back to bed and forget about it.” As the glorious noise continued and Thog tried to fall asleep with his hands over his ears, Nale wondered if either of the girls next door would be interested in joining a new party…

    ---

    Nale obviously held the favor of multiple gods; he left his room that morning just as the ladies next door were heading out for breakfast.

    “Why hello there,” he said, putting on his most charming smile.

    “Hello yourself,” said one with an impish grin, “You’re cute.”

    “Detect evil,” the other one muttered. “Darn,” she said after a pause, “He is cute, but he’s evil.”

    “But Lawful,” said Nale with a shrug.

    “I don’t mind,” said the first.

    “Well I do,” said the other one, who seemed to be a cleric, “And besides, everyone knows that Chaotic Good and Lawful Evil don’t mix well.”

    “That is true,” said Nale, “Sadly.”

    “Well,” said the one who didn’t mind, “What you don’t understand is, maybe you wouldn’t go for this kind of guy, but,” her eyes began to glow red, “I’m pretty sure he’s exactly my type.”

    “B-but,” said the Outsider’s former partner staring wide-eyed at the Outsider, “I don’t understand. You said you were Chaotic Good, same as me!”

    “Yeah,” the fiend replied, lazily stretching out wings that had suddenly popped out of her back, “If I recall correctly, Sense Motive isn’t a class skill for Clerics, and I get plus nineteen to Bluffs. Think it over.”

    Nale let out a small chuckle. Niiiice…

    “But… but I can’t…” the cleric muttered, obviously very distressed about this turn of events.

    “Now what were you saying, cutie?” said the woman who very well might be the future Mrs. Nale the Fighter/Rogue/Sorcerer to Nale, “The name’s Sabine, by the way.”

    “Nale,” said Nale, taking Sabine’s hand and kissing it pretentiously.

    “Teehee,” said Sabine, her girlish giggle deliciously faked for Nale’s benefit. His heart skipped a beat.

    Or felt like it did anyway; it wasn’t as if he believed such nauseating clichés actually happened. The point was he felt like for the first time in his life, he’d found a girl he could really relate to.

    As pleased as he was with his find, however, there was the matter of… “Isn’t your kind always Chaotic Evil? I’m still Lawful.”

    “Yeah,” said Sabine with a shrug, “But I’ve always figured that Evil gets along with Evil just fine, no matter what the rest of your alignment is.” She winked at him and licked her lips suggestively. “Wouldn’t you agree?”

    No. But if there’s one thing I’ve learned since the first time I cast Suggestion it’s that good chemistry is not a strictly necessary component of a pleasant and functional relationship. “Sure,” he said gamely, “Why not?”

    It looked as if Sabine were about to say something delightfully naughty when a door a little further down the hallway slammed open and a blonde girl with dark circles under her eyes stormed past them, not giving Nale or Sabine a second glance.

    “Good morning, Janine,” said the blonde to Sabine’s recent victim, who was still standing in the hallway, inarticulate. She added perfunctorily, “I don’t need to hear how great the sex was.”

    “I…” said the dumbstruck Cleric, apparently Janine, “I think I need Atonement…”

    “I said I don’t need to hear how great the sex was,” the blonde repeated through gritted teeth, “Now let’s get some breakfast.” The girls left.

    “So…” said Sabine with a sensual grin.

    “So,” said Nale eagerly.

    -A while later-

    “That was fun, baby,” said Sabine.

    “Yeah…” said Nale, a bit dazed.

    “So what are you, an evil adventurer or something?”

    “Uh huh…”

    “That’s cool. Hey, if you’re not already busy with some other quest, I know where you can find this really powerful talisman.”

    “Okay…”



    And now I have to leave because Mom wants the computer and it took me way too long to catch up on new posts. Oh, and for the same reason I didn't have time to do my usual last-minute edit, so sorry if anything's weird.
    That's what she said.
    Susan Sto Helit avatar by Felyndiira.

  29. - Top - End - #1319
    Colossus in the Playground
     
    CoffeeIncluded's Avatar

    Join Date
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    Default Re: Crack Pairings V - We Revel in Infamy

    Quote Originally Posted by ShinyDelusion View Post
    Love the latest high school pic, Yiuel. Can we hope for any prom pics?

    Hope to see that update soon, Lawyergoblin!

    The more I hear of this infamous Nerd Camp, the more I wish I could go (but alas, I'm over 16).



    Very creative and funny. I like it!



    Heheheh. Nice.



    Ooo, please do; I'd love to see a visual representation of what Watersmurf described.

    Was that a reference to the story of Pygmalion and Galatea, Coffee?

    Disturbing as usual, Closak.

    Anyway, sorry I didn't finish yesterday like I said I would, but here's my take on how Nale and Sabine met, with guest appearances from Janine and Radic from Murphy's Law.

    Spoiler
    Show

    “So tell me why you came to see me today, Nale.” It was as good a prompt as any, Doctor Yamaha thought. The brat had spent the bulk of the session bragging about how well his latest dungeon crawl had gone (probably because his own friends were sick of hearing about it), so now that there was a lull in the conversation they should probably try to get to some actual therapy.

    “Same stuff as usual,” said the goateed teen with a shrug, “I’m bored. Dad won’t let me command some of his army. I spend more time with Thog than I did with my last girlfriend. I’m here more to spite Dad by wasting his money than for actual help. Don’t think there’s a prescription for that.”

    “Maybe a better girlfriend…” the therapist murmured.

    “Really?” said Nale.

    “No,” said the therapist hurriedly, “I was joking.”

    “Because I think some sexual validation could really help me with my self esteem issues…” the blonde mused.

    “You don’t have self esteem issues, Nale.” You’re an egomaniac. Which was the problem with being the kid’s therapist in the first place; his father was the local Tyrant, so it wouldn’t exactly be the wisest course of action to imply that there was anything wrong with the boy’s consuming obsession with what a gift to the world he was.

    “I’m just putting my mental health first, here,” said Nale quite seriously, “And if I recall correctly, it is your job to do the same.”

    “Of course,” said Yamaha as tolerantly as he could manage, “Alright. Then stop to consider that self esteem comes from within, not without.”

    “I dunno,” said Nale, “I like the idea of sexual validation.”

    “Why haven’t you gone on a campaign yet?” Yamaha soldiered on.

    “Excuse me?” said Nale.

    “You know,” he said, “A campaign. You and Thog have done what? Some grinding? A few mini-quests? If you really want validation, put together a party and start a real campaign; it’ll give you a sense of purpose. Leave home for more than a week for once. Pick out a quest that’ll take some real work. Go have an adventure.”

    “A campaign…” Nale repeated thoughtfully.

    “Yes,” said Yamaha, glad the boy had gotten his mind off—

    “And sexual validation.”

    Yahama sighed and resisted the urge to do a facepalm.

    ---

    An adventure… Nale mused on the way home, And some real validation… Maybe it really was time for a more long-term quest. Getting together a party shouldn’t be too hard, and a good quest ought to come up naturally if he just started out in a big city. And he knew just the place…

    ---

    Cliffport. The big city. Markets. Skyscrapers (five whole stories!). Whorehouses. Parks.

    “Free puppies!”

    “Huh? Thog! Come back here!” Nale snapped out of the awed daze the magnificent city had put him in and chased his friend to the cardboard box filled with tiny wriggling mutts. “I’m not buying you a puppy.”

    “Free puppies,” Thog repeated stubbornly. “Thog want.”

    “I don’t care if they’re free,” said Nale irritably, “You wouldn’t take care of a puppy, and I’m not going to mess with it.”

    “Thog take care of puppy,” said Thog, scratching one of the free puppies behind the ears happily.

    “Yeah, right…” Nale muttered, glancing around. It was getting late. A sign advertising CHEAP ROOMS!!! answered all the questions he had about where they could spend their nights (of course Dad hadn’t loaned him any money for his quest, the cheapskate). “You can stay here. I’ll check us in.”

    There was a short line at the desk in the lobby. After a blonde headed off to her room, two dark-skinned chicks checked in between groping each other and giggling.

    “Lemme guess,” said the lady behind the desk dryly, “Missus and Missus ‘Smith’?”

    “Teehee,” said one of the girls, which was a little weird, Nale thought; he’d never heard someone actually say “Teehee” before. “Room for two,” the girl said, “But we only need the one bed.”

    “Room Sixteen,” the receptionist said, handing them a key.

    That looks like an “adventure”… Nale thought, stepping up to the desk.

    “Checking in?”

    “Yes,” said Nale, eyeing the previous two customers with a leering grin. “Room for two. With two beds,” he added quickly.

    “Name?”

    “Nale.”

    “Nale what?”

    “Nale the Fighter. Slash Rogue. … Slash Sorcerer.”

    “I was fishing for a last name,” the receptionist said flatly, giving him a critical look over the top of her wiry spectacles.

    “Oh,” said Nale, “Uh…” He frowned.

    “That’s fine, honey,” said the receptionist, writing in the record book, “Nale the Fighter slash Rogue. Is that right?”

    “Slash Sorcerer,” Nale mumbled.

    “Right. Room Seventeen,” the receptionist said, handing him a key with a smile. She was thinking about what a wonderful prestige class “Slash Sorcerer” would be.

    “Seventeen,” Nale repeated. “Come on, Thog,” he called over his shoulder.

    “Thog busy,” the half-orc’s voice replied from outside the doorway.

    “We’re not getting a puppy,” Nale said sharply, “So stop playing with them.”

    “Nale mean,” Thog said, entering the building pouting.

    -later that night-

    There was silence in Nale and Thog’s room. Or at least there would be if the walls weren’t so thin.

    “What Nale think happening next door?”

    Wh-what?” Nale jumped nearly three feet straight up in the air from where he’d been standing with his ear to the wall. Recovering his nerves, he said, “I thought you were asleep, Thog.”

    “Thog no sleep. Too much noise. What Nale think happening?”

    Wild, passionate, lesbian love-making that may or may not involve possibly illegal implements and activities, my half-Orc friend. But I don’t feel like giving you a vocabulary lesson right now, so… “It’s just a couple of girls having a pajama party, Thog,” Nale said matter-of-factly, “Go back to sleep.”

    “Thog can’t,” the fighter whined, “Too noisy.” Thog sat up and retrieved his greataxe from where he’d discarded it on the floor. “Thog tell girls to be quiet.” He stood up and headed toward the door.

    “Nonononono!” Nale protested, throwing himself between his friend and the door.

    “Why not?”

    “Oh, for the love of…” Nale sighed and restarted as patiently as he could, “I mean, I saw those girls while I was checking us in, Thog. They’re both really pretty, and they’re having a slumber party; it’s Cootie Central in there, man, you can’t risk it!”

    Thog went green…er and shuddered. “Thog no want cooties.”

    “Right,” said Nale, “So you just get yourself back to bed and forget about it.” As the glorious noise continued and Thog tried to fall asleep with his hands over his ears, Nale wondered if either of the girls next door would be interested in joining a new party…

    ---

    Nale obviously held the favor of multiple gods; he left his room that morning just as the ladies next door were heading out for breakfast.

    “Why hello there,” he said, putting on his most charming smile.

    “Hello yourself,” said one with an impish grin, “You’re cute.”

    “Detect evil,” the other one muttered. “Darn,” she said after a pause, “He is cute, but he’s evil.”

    “But Lawful,” said Nale with a shrug.

    “I don’t mind,” said the first.

    “Well I do,” said the other one, who seemed to be a cleric, “And besides, everyone knows that Chaotic Good and Lawful Evil don’t mix well.”

    “That is true,” said Nale, “Sadly.”

    “Well,” said the one who didn’t mind, “What you don’t understand is, maybe you wouldn’t go for this kind of guy, but,” her eyes began to glow red, “I’m pretty sure he’s exactly my type.”

    “B-but,” said the Outsider’s former partner staring wide-eyed at the Outsider, “I don’t understand. You said you were Chaotic Good, same as me!”

    “Yeah,” the fiend replied, lazily stretching out wings that had suddenly popped out of her back, “If I recall correctly, Sense Motive isn’t a class skill for Clerics, and I get plus nineteen to Bluffs. Think it over.”

    Nale let out a small chuckle. Niiiice…

    “But… but I can’t…” the cleric muttered, obviously very distressed about this turn of events.

    “Now what were you saying, cutie?” said the woman who very well might be the future Mrs. Nale the Fighter/Rogue/Sorcerer to Nale, “The name’s Sabine, by the way.”

    “Nale,” said Nale, taking Sabine’s hand and kissing it pretentiously.

    “Teehee,” said Sabine, her girlish giggle deliciously faked for Nale’s benefit. His heart skipped a beat.

    Or felt like it did anyway; it wasn’t as if he believed such nauseating clichés actually happened. The point was he felt like for the first time in his life, he’d found a girl he could really relate to.

    As pleased as he was with his find, however, there was the matter of… “Isn’t your kind always Chaotic Evil? I’m still Lawful.”

    “Yeah,” said Sabine with a shrug, “But I’ve always figured that Evil gets along with Evil just fine, no matter what the rest of your alignment is.” She winked at him and licked her lips suggestively. “Wouldn’t you agree?”

    No. But if there’s one thing I’ve learned since the first time I cast Suggestion it’s that good chemistry is not a strictly necessary component of a pleasant and functional relationship. “Sure,” he said gamely, “Why not?”

    It looked as if Sabine were about to say something delightfully naughty when a door a little further down the hallway slammed open and a blonde girl with dark circles under her eyes stormed past them, not giving Nale or Sabine a second glance.

    “Good morning, Janine,” said the blonde to Sabine’s recent victim, who was still standing in the hallway, inarticulate. She added perfunctorily, “I don’t need to hear how great the sex was.”

    “I…” said the dumbstruck Cleric, apparently Janine, “I think I need Atonement…”

    “I said I don’t need to hear how great the sex was,” the blonde repeated through gritted teeth, “Now let’s get some breakfast.” The girls left.

    “So…” said Sabine with a sensual grin.

    “So,” said Nale eagerly.

    -A while later-

    “That was fun, baby,” said Sabine.

    “Yeah…” said Nale, a bit dazed.

    “So what are you, an evil adventurer or something?”

    “Uh huh…”

    “That’s cool. Hey, if you’re not already busy with some other quest, I know where you can find this really powerful talisman.”

    “Okay…”



    And now I have to leave because Mom wants the computer and it took me way too long to catch up on new posts. Oh, and for the same reason I didn't have time to do my usual last-minute edit, so sorry if anything's weird.
    ...

    *Doubles over laughing*

    That was so worth the wait.

  30. - Top - End - #1320
    Barbarian in the Playground
     
    Devixer's Avatar

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    Default Re: Crack Pairings V - We Revel in Infamy

    ShinyDelusion: *After recovery from laughter* That's a really good one.

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