I swear, children these days. Such cheek! Look at what they've done to my best smock, well, it's my only smock, they don't give a change of clothing to the understudies. I'll have to wash that out straightaway. I hope you will excuse my, my disarray here, I've had to hang my smock out to dry. And I've still got to present this, so you could say I've been hung up to dry also!
Not like when I was young, oh no. When I was a young ladette--now stop that! Stop that! When I was young, we hadn't got any of these fancy electronic devices, and we'd all sit in, in a great big circle, just like so, all facing the center, and then one child would walk along the outside and tap each one on the shoulder? What was it called, you remember, Duck, Duck, Goose? Well, these days they don't so much at look at one another, with their heads all bent down over their little toys, and playing goose, goose, goose.
Now, where was I? Ah yes. The Prologue.
Have you heard of the myth of Iphis? Now Iphis' mother had just been widowed, the poor dear, just as she was about to give birth. All the creditors had been sent away, but they were going to come back just as soon as the baby was born, and if there wasn't an heir, they would gobble up everything and leave her destitute. Cruel, isn't it. Shocking. Like taking candy from a baby, it is. Well, as it happened she bore a girl. That would never do, no, no, so she swaddled the baby up tight and told everyone she'd given birth to a boy. An heir, you see--Iphis is the sort of name you can give to a boy or a girl.
So Iphis grew up as a boy. She played with boys' toys--no, not like that, I said she was in disguise!--she ran and jumped and goosed, and her mother never let slip that Iphis wasn't a boy. In fact, when the time came, she had to arrange a marriage for Iphis. Now this was troubling enough, for she was a nice lad, not like children these days, very obedient and kind. She had to marry before someone noticed her voice wasn't breaking, she couldn't very well go along with those roistering, bachelor ways of the army, and she was obedient to her mother. But it got worse.
Iphis actually fell in love with the girl.
Yes, it's worse! This was an arranged marriage. Love wasn't supposed to come into it! I told you Iphis was kind, and it broke her heart to think about what her bride was going to suffer. So, the night before the wedding, she turned to the temple of a foreign goddess--not one of our proud Roman gods, I'm sorry to say. I suppose it's a bit of a foreign problem to us all.
Well. Her mother, she took Iphis to the temple, and prayed that the goddess would fix the problem. Foolish, really. As me old mother used to say, Iphis not broke, don't fix it.
Look, you all came here expecting low comedy. Don't be surprised when you get it.
As I was saying. The Prologue. This foreign goddess, she answers the prayer, and she transforms Iphis into a man, and they're married and live happily ever after. Sweet, isn't it? Brings a tear to your eye. Still, you won't catch me worshipping at the temples of those foreign gods. Who knows what they might decide to do with me?
. . .What d'you mean we just put new names on the Greek pantheon and said we're done with it? Don't you know what those Greeks were on about?
Oh dear. Oh dear, oh dear. . .
Gender Bender Week - Monday, February 16 to Sunday, February 22
Step 0. Stop throwing those rotten tomatoes. I might not have been any good at duck, duck, goose, but I was a dodgeball champion.
Step 1. Contact your avatarist and ask politely for a gender-bent avatar, or claim an appropriate one from the Avatar Adoption Center (especially if your avatarist has placed opposite-gender avatars there and is no longer taking requests).
Step 1.5. If you never changed back after the first Gender Bender Week, consider doing it for the upcoming one. *cough* You know who you are.
Step 2. If your avatarist is missing in action and/or gives permission for others to edit their work, come to the Gender Bender Avatar Request Thread and find an inspired artist.
Step 3. Sometime during your Monday, February 16, change your avatar and/or gender symbol.
Step 4. Sit back and enjoy the confusion, the freedom, and the good-spirited jokes.
Well, Dwarven women aren't much different from Dwarven men. What the hell, count me in. I suppose I will have to be known as Francine on that week.
This avatar pierces the heavens and is by Miss Nobody!
Originally Posted by Anuan
Yes, but that's Fred. He radiates awesomeness.
"Whether it be impossible or laughable, Great men open up paths of battle! If there's a wall, we break it down! If there's no path, we'll make one with these hands! The heart's magma burns with flames!"
Actually, they do. Human skeletons, at the very least, have a gender.
Your semantics bore me. Given two skeletons I doubt most anyone would be able to tell the difference.
My point as that given a picture of a male skeleton there really isn't any point in editting it to look like a female skeleton because they look like a skeleton and that's all they look like. See, that's how comprehension works.
Quote Of The Week Whenever I Feel Like Updating It (last updated 1/17/12)
Originally Posted by Phase
That guy was badass! He was like, "Oh! Oh, you're gonna try to Chuck Norris me, I'll just Chuck Norris you!" Unfortunately, I am the best Chuck Norris since Chuck Norris.
Which is saying something, considering that Chuck Norris... was Chuck Norris.
My avatar's ready. I actually thought I'd be rustier, since I haven't done any OotS style stuff recently but I might have to make a masculine version of this as my new avi;
Its basically I feminised version of what I'm wearing now. That is to say, my usual jacket (faux denim cotton, faded), a dark blue jerkin (that is to say a sleeveless jacket with many pockets) a blue undershirt, jeans and...goggles (no, I don't wear the goggles in public...very often ¬_¬).