Chuck Norris

[NullAshton]

Chuck Norris

Medium Humanoid
Hit Dice: -
Initiative: -
Speeds: 30ft, kill
Armor Class: -
Base Attack/Grapple: -
Attack: Roundhouse kick
Full Attack: Roundhouse kick
Space/reach: 5ft/5ft
Special attacks: Punch the ground, vorpal crush, knife shooting, glare, retributive strike
Special qualities: Awesomeness, desending from the heavens, tears of an angel, beard of the holy, regeneration infinity, restful state, infinite count, reversed adjectives, there is only chuck, unstoppable forces, immovable objects, true seeing, who believes in that, literal unarmed strike, win, mastery of all, rule -1
Saves: -
Skills: -
Abilities: -
Feats: -
Enviroment: Any
Organization: Unique
Challenge Rating: -
Treasure: None
Alignment: True Neutral
Advancement: None needed
Level Adjustment: -

Languages
Chuck Norris can read and speak all languages. Including Braille.

All of Chuck Norris's abilities are extraordinary.

Awesomeness
Any statistic with an - is automatically assumed to be infinity^infinity, or the best they can be. This includes, for example, all feats that he desires. Also, he does not automatically fail at a task or action on a natural 1.

Roundhouse Kick
An enemy hit by a roundhouse kick must make a DC Infinity fortitute roll, or die instantly. On a successful save, they still die. It's that painful.

Punch the Ground
Chuck Norris must jump down from any height to use this ability, and punch the ground as a standard action.. Anyone in the area takes 50d6 fire damage and 50d6 force damage, with no save.

Desending from the Heavens
Chuck Norris may instantly travel to the heavens, and desend from it as a standard action. This ability allows him to teleport to any place on any plane. After he desends from the heavens, he may do a vorpal crush as a move action.

Vorpal Crush
When Chuck Norris desends from the heavens, he may do a vorpal crush as a move action. Otherwise, it is a standard action. Chuck Norris must target a single enemy, and make an attack roll. On a successful attack roll, the target is instantly decapitated as a weapon with the vorpal special quality. This power even affects creatures immune to criticals, if they have some sort of a head.

Knife Shooting
If Chuck Norris wields any type of piercing or slashing weapon, he can shoot it at a single target. Chuck Norris makes an attack roll to hit the target, and if successful, the target takes 1d12 damage per hitdie they have.

[/b]Tears of an Angel[/b]
Chuck Norris tears cure cancer. Too bad Chuck Norris never cries.

Beard of the Holy
Chuck Norris's beard can stop bullets. This ability also grants a damage resistance of infinite/an oar.

Regeneration
Chuck Norris has Regeneration infinity, which cannot be bypassed.

Restful State
Chuck Norris doesn't sleep, he waits. Because of this, he cannot ever be fatigued or exhausted, and never has to rest before preparing any spells he has or other similar abilities.

Infinity Count
Chuck Norris has counted to infinite. Twice. Thus, he knows everything there is to know, two times over. This does not require any type of roll, as it is instant.

Reversed Adjectives
When Chuck Norris jumps in the water, he doesn't get wet. The water gets Chuck Norrised.

There Is Only Chuck
Chuck Norris's abilities cannot be copied or mimicked by any source, magical or nonmagical, mortal or divine. Similarly, Chuck Norris can never make use of the psionic power Fission, the spell Body Outside Body, or similar copy effects, as this would cause the universe to implode. If someone attempts to copy Chuck Norris by any means, they instantly die.

Unstoppable Forces, Immovable Objects
Whenever Chuck Norris makes an opposed roll and ties the opponent, Chuck wins the tie. If Chuck ever encounters a similar opponent, with equally infinite stats, Chuck's stats are considered to be 1 pt higher in all respects.

True Seeing
Chuck Norris has true seeing active at all times. This ability even extends to nonmagical concealment, total concealment, disguises, and anything else Chuck Norris wishes to see through.

Who believes in that?
Chuck Norris does not believe in magic. He is surrounded by a divine anti-magic field with a one mile radius that can not be nullified or bypassed in any way by any being. Also, Chuck Norris may surpress any extraordinary ability in that field if he so chooses.

Glare
Chuck Norris’s glare is so intimidating that any creature who sees it must make a will save DC infinity, or die instantaneously. Chuck Norris is the only force capable of suppressing this power.

Retributive Strike
If anyone attacks Chuck Norris, even if they miss, Chuck Norris may instantly make a retributive strike as a free action, against that opponent regardless of if he can reach that person or not. A retributive strike is a roundhouse kick, targeted against the person that attacks Chuck Norris successfully or non-successfully, and ignores normal limitations for an attack.

Literal Unarmed Strike
If someone does manage to remove Chuck's arms, he still threatens because he's Chuck Norris.

Win
Chuck Norris can't lose anything. Ever. If challenged to anything, he wins. If he ever challenges someone to something, he wins.

Mastery of All
Chuck Norris doesn't obey the laws of physics, the laws of physics obey him. Thus he can do anything from getting McDonald's breakfast after 11:30 to roundhouse-kicking you from 3 planes of existence away.

Rule -1
Whatever Chuck Norris decides to do, he does. This overrules even Rule 0.

[bingo_bob]

Reversed Adjectives (Ex): When Chuck Norris jumps in the water, he doesn't get wet. The water gets Chuck Norrised.

And about roundhouse kick: If they make their fortitude save, they STILL die. He's Chuck Norris, remember.

[PhoeKun]

Where's his Sell Total Gym (Ex) ability?

[NEO|Phyte]

Pun-pun is better.

[tape_measure]

Tears of an Angel (SA) - Chuck Norris tears cure cancer. Too bad Chuck Norris never cries.

Beard of the Holy - Chuck Norris' beard can stop bullets. This ability also grants a Damage resitence of 100k/-

[Fax Celestis]

Originally Posted by NEO|Phyte, Keeper of IRC

Pun-pun is better.

THE ULTIMATE SHOWDOWN OF ULTIMATE DESTINY: Pun-Pun Versus Chuck Norris!

[Maerok]

http://4q.cc/index.php?pid=fact&person=chuck
Refresh to get new ones.

Languages: Chuck Norris can speak all languages, including Braille.

Regenerate 10, Chuck Norris can regrow an arm in 30 minutes.

Chuck Norris cannot hide, but always succeeds on Search checks.

[NEO|Phyte]

Originally Posted by Fax_Celestis

THE ULTIMATE SHOWDOWN OF ULTIMATE DESTINY: Pun-Pun Versus Chuck Norris!

Pun-pun

Uses infinite reach and infinite attacks per round to crush Chuck Norris for infinite damage each attack. If needed (which I doubt), takes one of his infinite move actions to move infinitly far away from Chuck. Should Chuck try a Decend from the Heavens/Vorpal Crush combo, Pun-pun is handily immune to crits (and thus the effects of Vorpal), even if Chuck was able to hit his infinite AC. For added irony, Pun-pun gains Chucks abilities and used those to finish him off.

[TheThan]

Restful state: Chuck Norris doesn’t sleep, he waits. As a result he never suffers from fatigue and never has to rest before preparing any spells he may have.

Infinity count: Chuck Norris has counted to infinity, twice. As a result he can instantly divine anything, ever. This ability doesn’t require a skill check of any sort.

[tape_measure]

would chuck really need spells?

[TheThan]

He might pick up the practice out of boredom or something.

[Jack Mann]

Chuck Norris doesn't cast spells. He just tells reality what to do.

[InaVegt]

Originally Posted by JackMann

Chuck Norris doesn't cast spells. *He just tells reality what to do.

So he's a psion

Edit: more likely a truenamer actually

[Jaltum]

No. If anything, truenamers are Norris-like.

(See Reversed Adjectives ability)

[NullAshton]

First post updated with new abilites. And now, Pun Pun can't copy his abilities. Ha!

Neither can wizards with polymorph or shapechanging. Ooops.

[Sciurusaurus]

You should make his stats infinity + 1, thus they are always better than Pun-Pun, who can only reach infinity :D

[The Glyphstone]

Uniqueness: Call it There Is Only Chuck.

Don't forget his one weakness: A grapple attempt by Gandalf the Grey, with Gandalf the White, the Black Knight, Benito Mussolini, The Blue Meanie, Cowboy Curtis, Jambi the Genie, Robocop, the Terminator, Captain Kirk, Darth Vader, Lo Pan, Superman, every single Power Ranger, Bill S. Preston, Theodore Logan, Spock, The Rock, Doc Ock, and Hulk Hogan all giving Aid Another bonuses.

[NEO|Phyte]

Originally Posted by NullAshton

First post updated with new abilites. And now, Pun Pun can't copy his abilities. Ha!

OK, so Pun-pun doesn't get the irony of Killing Chuck with his own abilities. Either way, Chuck looses.

Originally Posted by The_Glyphstone

Don't forget his one weakness: A grapple attempt by Gandalf the Grey, with Gandalf the White, the Black Knight, Benito Mussolini, The Blue Meanie, Cowboy Curtis, Jambi the Genie, Robocop, the Terminator, Captain Kirk, Darth Vader, Lo Pan, Superman, every single Power Ranger, Bill S. Preston, Theodore Logan, Spock, The Rock, Doc Ock, and Hulk Hogan all giving Aid Another bonuses.

I thought it was an oar to the head? Thats what someone in a thread around here said IIRC.

:edit: consolidated posts

[The Glyphstone]

^Not according to the song.

Unstoppable Forces, Immovable Objects: Whenever Chuck Norris makes an opposed roll and ties the opponent, Chuck wins the tie. If Chuck ever encounters a similar opponent, with equally infinite stats, Chuck's stats are considered to be 1 pt higher in all respects.

There Is Only Chuck: Chuck Norris's abilities cannot be copied or mimicked by any source, magical or nonmagical, mortal or divine. Similarly, Chuck Norris can never make use of the psionic power Fission, the spell Body Outside Body, or similar copy effects, as this would cause the universe to implode.

(TIOC replaces Uniqueness.)

[IonizedChicken]

Pun pun doesn't have infinite stats (Not for attack and damage, at least). Just unlimited stats. Chuck Norris does. Also, no one can defeat Chuck Norris except Chuck Norris, meaning Pun Pun must be able to defeat Chuck Norris before he defeats Chuck Norris, but he can't defeat Chuck Norris because Chuck Norris is undefeatable so defeating Chuck Norris is an impossibility.

Edit: Simu'd

[Thray]

Don't forget about true seeing.

[hyikim]

he has the ability to divide by zero!

[NEO|Phyte]

Originally Posted by Lord Ross

Pun pun doesn't have infinite stats (Not for attack and damage, at least). Just unlimited stats. Chuck Norris does. Also, no one can defeat Chuck Norris except Chuck Norris, meaning Pun Pun must be able to defeat Chuck Norris before he defeats Chuck Norris, but he can't defeat Chuck Norris because Chuck Norris is undefeatable so defeating Chuck Norris is an impossibility.

Edit: Simu'd

Funny, I would imagine that having infinite STR would lead to infinite attack/damage. but thats just me.

As to the ability to win any tied result, I don't think Chuck is going to be tieing very many results, as Pun-pun has a couple sources of +infinite to stats that the Chuck block is lacking. This leads to Pun-pun having higher check results, as infinite^3 is greater than infinite^2.

And for added craziness, It just occured to me that Pun-pun could whip up the ability "This creature counts as a Chuck Norris for all effects regarding Chuck Norris." Since this isn't one of Chuck Norris's ability, it doesn't get nuked by Chuck's abilities. Pun-pun can now 1) use Chuck's abilities, as he is clearly Chuck. and 2) Kill Chuck, as he is clearly Chuck. While this technically means that Chuck can kill Pun-chuck, none of Chuck's abilities that Pun-chuck isn't simply immune to can be enacted, as Pun-chuck is capable of staying out of attack range of all of Chucks abilities aside from Desend from the Heavens/Vorpal Crush, and Pun-chuck is immune to the effects of Vorpal.

[Karsh]

Who Believes in That? (Ex) Chuck Norris does not believe in magic. He is surrounded by a divine anti-magic field with a one mile radius that can not be nullified or bypassed in any way by any being.

[NEO|Phyte]

Pun-pun's abilities are (ex). Those that aren't can easily be made (ex) if needed, but I don't think any of the ones I'm using so far are.

Heck, even without doing that, Pun-pun simply manifests and throws a Mind Blade (a la soulknife), which can exist in such an antimagic field with a simple DC20 will save

[Umbral_Arcanist]

Pun-Pun is literally unstoppable, i once saw a thread that had a way to beat Pun-Pun and it involved attacking him before he obtained any power....

[LazyJoe]

Guns Don't Kill People, Chuck Norris Kills People
Because of Chuck Norris' fearsome reputation, everyone in existance must succeed on a DC inifinity^4 will save every day at midnight or be affected as per a Fear spell whenever Chuck Norris is within a two mile radius. Therefore, nearly everyone will be afraid of Chuck Norris and cower before him.

[Edit:
Guns Don't Kill People, Chuck Norris Kills People
Because of Chuck Norris' fearsome reputation, every creature in existance with an Intelligence of 4+ must succeed on a DC inifinity^4 will save every day at midnight or be affected as per a Fear spell whenever Chuck Norris is within a two mile radius. Therefore, nearly everyone will be afraid of Chuck Norris and cower before him. This power supercedes any immunity to fear effects.]

[NEO|Phyte]

Originally Posted by LazyJoe

Guns Don't Kill People, Chuck Norris Kills People
Because of Chuck Norris' fearsome reputation, everyone in existance must succeed on a DC inifinity^4 will save or be affected as per a Fear spell whenever Chuck Norris is within a two mile radius. Therefore, nearly everyone will be afraid of Chuck Norris and cower before him.

nifty, but Pun-pun is immune to fear effects.

:edit: just noticed a change to one of chucks abilities. Thus it should be noted that even though Vorpal Crush can now effect even creatures immune to critical hits, Pun-pun doesn't die if he loses his head. Technically it simply deals him a load of nonlethal damage up to his max HP + 10, but Pun-pun is immune to nonlethal damage. In fact, He's probably mmune to every kind of damage

[LazyJoe]

It wasn't directed at Pun-pun, just everyone else in the good Lord's creation.

[IonizedChicken]

OK, this discussion is irrelevant -- Chuck Norris has infinite ability scores. As such, he could use the Omniscificer route to BECOME pun-pun. Not to mention being able to use it at any point in time, because of the simple fact that the only person that could have fathered Chuck Norris is Chuck Norris. As such, it is only logical to assume that Chuck Norris has the capability of time travel, which allows him to become pun-pun before pun-pun becomes pun-pun.