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So I have had the habit of writing some stuff down this past year. I thought I could share it here, maybe get some feedback about what people thought. Not sure if I should post here or in Art's and Crafts. That seemed more visual, so here it is.
Here is my first thing I had written in a long time. It is very long, and I was sobering up at the time. Very free thought stream of conscious sort of deal.
Spoiler
I am in the hallway.
I have been kicked out of the room.
It is dark and all I can see is myself.
How disappointing. I am by myself once again.
Alone and in the dark.
I crawl through my feelings and find myself wanting more.
Some times I feel numb, but on the rare occasion I feel something it hurts.
Why?
Why is the only thing I truly feel is loneliness?
The questions pour into my head.
The snow falls around me but is not the reason for the chill running up my spine.
I cry out. The pain of life is something easily ignored.
We all feel it so what is there about it that is special.
What is it about you that is special?
What is it about me that is special?
What is it?
Why I am still stuck in this life? Why does the approach of life seem so far away?
I want to embrace you. I want to feel you.
But that is a lie.
I want to feel!
The use of an exclamation is not a lie.
I need to feel.
The numbness surrounds me and it pains me to feel...
NOTHING.
But there you are.
Friends
Family
Brothers and sisters.
You come around me and hug me.
But still I want more.
How selfish am I to want to feel more.
How selfish to feel that I am failing, that you are failing, because it is impossible to feel more.
The shiver is back.
The truth is almost out.
But do I know what I am saying.
Do I know who I am hurting?
Why now? Why can this only be said when I am in the dark, with the snow falling around me? Why?
WHY?
Breath is hard to come by.
Yet it is so natural. It happens to us all everyday.
But right now I am without it.
My hands shake.
And my nerves tell me that I should stop.
But I know I need to say more.
I know there are words that need to be spoken.
But I can't find them.
I can't grasp them.
They are beyond me. They are outside of my experience.
Who can say these words for me? Is there a poet out there who feels as I feel?
Is their a playwright who can write me this dialogue?
Is there an author who can take my pain and make it a bestseller?
For the first time tears fall from my eyes.
3 spaces between me and you.
And that is why I am truly alone.
Will you cross the lines I have created? Will I find my courage and go to you?
I embrace.
I befriend.
I joke.
I laugh.
I say ok. But it isn't.
I cry, but not where it can be seen.
I push you away when I need you.
I hide behind my words.
I never know you, so you will never know me.
Some would say the best poetry comes from the mind of someone different.
Am I different.
Do you feel like I do, and hide it like I do?
As I sit here I know I am not special.
I know...
Death. It wraps around me.
I can't see it. I don't experience it.
But there it is, always a few steps away.
Now isn't the time for poetry.
My Mom is sick. And the only treatment will make her sicker.
Is that what makes me write these words.
Or is it something inside myself.
I am scared. What happens when these words escape me?
Will you think less of me? Will you walk on eggshells.
I ramble. I am sorry. And in apologizing I hate myself.
I am not in danger.
I am not hungry.
I am not insane.
I am not anything that would cause me to be unhappy.
But I am.
Not all the time.
When I am with you.
When I am surrounded by you all.
These times make me happy. These times make me forget.
But then I am alone.
Then I am in the darkness in the hall, with my head in my hands and tears in my eyes.
The snow falls around me and I can't help but cry, for despite it's beauty I am sad.
Do you see it.
Poets dance around it.
Playwrights expect you to understand it.
Authors state it in their words.
And we live it.
Every day of our life it is us.
Do you understand what I am talking about?
I love you.
And yet I can't say it to your face.
Yet I can't say it to myself.
A poem of pain.
A poem of Emo.
Will I hate myself for writing this?
Will it matter in the morning?
Will I have the courage to show you it?
WIll you have the courage to read it. And to see me?
A drunken rant.
A vision seen in the haze.
A story only half formed in the mind.
A dream of a person half asleep.
Is it me? Is it you?
Is this absurd? Will you laugh? Or Cry?
Are you any closer to understanding me?
Are you any closer to understanding yourself?
If not, fine. It doesn't matter.
I have said my piece. I have cried out to the darkness.
I will not be silent. I will not be scared.
No longer.
At least till morning.
Something I wrote while contemplating asking someone I liked if they would like to go out sometime.
Spoiler
The voices are all around me.
They fill my head.
But all the say is
Nothing
I wish we all said nothing
I wish our words never touched anything
never touch each other
not our minds
not our hearts
But I know that isn't the truth
It is only my words that never touch anything.
I know there are words that do just that
Words others speak.
But what about my words.
You and I?
Are we now connected
In reading these words are we together?
I wish sometimes that we were.
But I know it isn't true.
My words held no meaning to long.
I have started to shake off the dust but it has been too long.
Too long since I have touched anything.
And now I am realizing how much you have all reached me.
How much you have changed me.
Better? Worse?
I hope for the first.
As I sit here I feel it.
I miss it.
I wish for it.
You read these words now.
Do you judge me.
Do you praise me.
Do you explain away these words.
Give them meaning that isn't there.
Do you explain me using these words?
I am more then these words.
These words can barely touch how I feel.
Because I barely know how I feel.
But I know this.
I like you.
I love you.
I wish you would never leave.
I hope we never do.
And then after I asked her.
Spoiler
Me and you.
Can it work?
Will we work?
I don't know.
I am scared.
There is a song in my head.
But the tune isn't that of my heart.
I feel the feelings.
But the words are too far gone.
The chill is back.
I know this is the truth.
I know what is said should be said.
I know nothing about you.
I know that you know little about me.
Can we learn.
Will this song we dance to end?
There is a shiver.
There is a spin.
I wonder.
Does she know?
Does she wonder?
My arms
They want to hold you.
My legs go weak at the sight of you.
Will this pass.
Will we pass each other now in time.
The night is almost over.
The morning is coming soon.
The redundancy of this sentence strikes me.
Will we pass each other now.
In this light so dim.
Will we be able to dance.
Will time stop for us?
Will I fall behind?
There are so many questions.
There are so few answers.
Will the writing of this hurt
or help?
I have said before
I don't care.
I will speak out.
I will sing at the darkness
I will shine in the silence
But I am scared.
The state I take myself to
It shows the truth.
Can I be true without it?
I don't know.
The tune is still there.
In my head.
Will you dance with me?
Will we be true together.
Then some random writings I did during a class.
Spoiler
There is a time
there is a place
My stomach sinks
But my heart sings
I can only hope
this is our time
this is our place.
--------------------
Three lines to fill the poem
But nothing comes to mind
Am I that dull.
----------------
A circle is drawn
In the sands of time
I follow the line
never noticing
the scenery never changes
-----------------
Lost at sea
but no water in sight
just Faces
and Bodies
embracing and shoving
sneering and smiling
But I built myself a raft
I stay apart
Why don't I dive in.
--------------------
This will be random
bazooka
But if you know me
you get it
The dwarf chases the giraffe
eating a burrito
If you put in the time
you see the pattern
The jello rises
through the straw
There is insanity in my eyes
Do you not see it?
-------------------
the paper is blank
the voices are mute
nothing is seen or heard
where did this void come from
whis is it here now
It is hard enough
walking through this maze
with signs on the walls
and guides at the crossroads
showed me the way
-----------
The morning is chill
Frost on the windows
I wake and graspe
for something not there
It has been too long.
-------------
The first drops of rain
hit my face
as I look up to the sky
I watch the crowd
scatter and take cover
I stay where I am
I always do
alone
in the rain
My most recent poems.
Spoiler
A long time has passed
we have missed each other so many times
passing through the darkness
In each trip we see new sights.
We experience so much
But what do we miss.
Will we ever know
Or is it just time
when we regret
Never knowing.
-----
(An accidental Haiku)
So there is a pain.
I don't know why it appears
But I blame myself
-----------
There comes a time
in the night
when you look around
hoping to find something
that wasn't there when the lights were on.
It is something we all feel
no matter who we are
what we have
there is something we miss.
We ignore the stuff we have
feeling it insignificant
forgetting how we feel
when we see our life
by the light of day
Maybe it is because
at night
We live to dream.
And a start to a short story thing. Not sure how to keep it going.
Spoiler
I stumble and almost fall. The woods around me have grown more and more wild as I run through them. It is getting harder to see now, the sun is slowly disappearing beyond the horizon. They would laugh at me now, my friends from home, knowing I was running through the woods looking for a girl. Not even a girl, a silhouette I think I saw in the mist. But tonight I don't care. I had walked this path many times, it was on my way home from work and always swore I was being watched. The one time I had told someone they had laughed and told me some BS about the woods being haunted. They obviously didn't believe it, and obviously never walked through the place in the dark.
But tonight was different, it wasn't just a feeling. I had seen her standing there watching me. I couldn't see her face, and the next time I looked over she was running away. I don't know why but I knew that I needed to chase her. I needed to find out who she was, why she was watching me all this time. Did she need my help, did she mean me harm... Was she even real.
So tonight I left the path that I had walked so many times before. She was just ahead of me. I kept seeing her dress blowing out behind her as she kept her distance. I start to trip over the roots of the trees that seem to get bigger and darker as I continue. Why does she keep running from me. Does she think I am going to hurt her, am I really that scary? I find that hard to believe as I fall to the ground cutting my knee on a rock. Maybe this wasn't such a good idea. How long had I been running, I can't even see the path anymore. Or any of the lights of the city around me. God, this was stupid.
Hi, McBish!
I can tell from your title that you've been here for a couple rounds, but the Arts and Crafts section of the forum is a better place to get feedback on this stuff!
I'm about to get off work and go home, myself, or I'd read and critque, but this is high on m list of stuff to get to within the next hour!
Also if anyone has any advice on getting some of the poetry published that would be very cool, I've decided I can edit up some of these and see if I can get them out there.
So I have started to continue the story I started. Here is what I got.
Spoiler
I stumble and almost fall. The woods around me have grown more and more wild as I run through them. It is getting harder to see now, the sun is slowly disappearing beyond the horizon. They would laugh at me now, my friends from home, knowing I was running through the woods looking for a girl. Not even a girl, a silhouette I think I saw in the mist. But tonight I don't care. I had walked this path many times, it was on my way home from work and always swore I was being watched. The one time I had told someone they had laughed and told me some BS about the woods being haunted. They obviously didn't believe it, and obviously never walked through the place in the dark.
But tonight was different, it wasn't just a feeling. I had seen her standing there watching me. I couldn't see her face, and the next time I looked over she was running away. I don't know why but I knew that I needed to chase her. I needed to find out who she was, why she was watching me all this time. Did she need my help, did she mean me harm... Was she even real.
So tonight I left the path that I had walked so many times before. She was just ahead of me. I kept seeing her dress blowing out behind her as she kept her distance. I start to trip over the roots of the trees that seem to get bigger and darker as I continue. Why does she keep running from me. Does she think I am going to hurt her, am I really that scary? I find that hard to believe as I fall to the ground cutting my knee on a rock. Maybe this wasn't such a good idea. How long had I been running, I can't even see the path anymore. Or any of the lights of the city around me. God, this was stupid.
((This is where the new stuff picks up.))
I spin around as I hear a twig snap. I see nothing but I push my way through the brush heading in that direction anyway, not having any better ideas. Any idea of where the path is lays far behind me.
"Hello?" My voice calls out through the silence. For the first time I notice how quiet it is. I don't hear any bugs, no birds. It's been awhile since I spent much time in the woods but I always thought they had a lot of background noise.
"Hello?" I echo myself finding the silence more and more disturbing. Where the Hell am I? I didn't know this town had so many trees. I stumble over another root and my shirt gets caught on a branch tearing. "Damm" I loved this shirt, it was the most comfortable shirt I owned. This had become less and less like an adventure and is just annoying now. All because of some trick of the light making me think I saw some women.
What would I have done if I caught her, what does one say to random women you chase after in the woods. "Hi, I um... saw you running?" As I say it out loud it seems even stupider.
Then as if the universe didn't think I felt like a big enough idiot, I trip over something and fall to the ground. I feel a sharp pain as my head hits something hard. I push myself up and feel my head finding a bit of blood. I look around for the rock I hit to give it a piece of my mind.
"Jesus." I yelp as I fall backwards in alarm. The rock I hit my head on looks like a headstone. I pull out my phone to get some more light. Definitely a headstone i can see where the name and date were carved in, but they are worn away past the point of being able to read them. I look around the dull blue light of my phone mixing with the star light to give a even creepier look to the cemetery I have stumbled into.
As I look around I find that I am not alone, there on a tree stump in the middle of the cemetery sits a girl. At first I get excited, I wasn't going crazy. But then looking her over I know this isn't the women I chased into these woods. She was dressed oddly, her long black skirt adorned with lace looked like it would be part of an old fashion funeral outfit, but she has a t-shirt with some rock band I had never heard of underneath a short leather jacket. Her short curly blond hair seemed to glow in the moonlight. The smile on her face showed she had noticed me long ago and was enjoying watching me make a fool of myself. I wait for her to say something but she just kept smiling that smug smile.
"Hi there?" I say hoping I'm not just seeing here there as a result of hitting my head to hard. But she just sits there looking up at the night sky. And I can see why, I haven;t seen so many stars out, or so bright since I went camping in the northern woods with my family as a kid. I start to notice that the mist has lifted here. "Um, I'm kinda lost." I say to the girl again.
"And bleeding." She says hopping off the stump. She is younger then i originally thought, 15 maybe 16. "Let me help you with that." She pulls out an old looking lace handkerchief.
"It's just a little scrape." She swats away my protesting hand away and standing on her tiptoes cleans off the wound.
"Here hold this." She takes my hand putting it on the handkerchief pressing it against the wound. "How did you get lost out here, most people couldn't find this place if they tried."
"Well I... Um, you haven't seen a women dressed in white running around out here have you?"
"Oh." She says with a knowing grin. "No I haven't seen her for a couple of days. You often follow strange women into the woods?"
"No, you often sit alone in old cemeteries by yourself at night?"
"Yes." She says simply stepping back.
"Oh. Well I don't suppose you could tell me how to get back to town, or a road or something?"
"I suppose I could, it would probably be better to show you though. Otherwise you'll probably just end up getting lost again never to be seen again. Most people forget how big these woods are. Come on." She turns and starts to walk away. As we go I notice that this cemetery isn't that small, there are several larger tombstones and even a small mausoleum. We pass through an iron gate that was connected to the fence that used to encircle this place but has fallen due to time.
As we walk through the woods they seem a lot less intimidating. I no longer snag my clothes on branches, or trip over roots. Soon we walk back into the mist, and it gets so thick I almost have trouble seeing the girl in front of me. As we are walking I swear I hear the sound of a women signing, but not wanting this girl to think I'm stupider then she must already. And soon enough we leave the mist behind. I recognize a bike path I sometimes ride on. I look up at the sky, the stars seem dimmer. "I didn't know it was a full moon tonight."
"It's not, tomorrow night." She turns and starts to head down the path in the opposite direction of my place.
"Thanks." I call out to her back. She turns around with a smile and a wave.
"Goodnight. And happy Friday the 13th."
As she walks away I glance down at my phone. Sure enough, 12:01.
Another thing I wrote. After a nice long walk home from the bars, talking to myself most of the way. I think the talk with myself was more poetical but I had nothing to write on.
Spoiler
I have been talking to myself
for the long walk home
many things were said
not many remembered.
All I know is I walked alone.
In this night I argued
I disagreed
I rambled
all to myself
There was no one there
Not you, or you or you.
There were times,
I felt touched
by friends
by family
and then afterwords I was
Alone
I was elegant
I was poetic
and if I don't capture it again
**** you
You weren't there
you couldn't understand
I see all the people around me
I see them happy and connected
And then I see myself,
alone and afraid
of the darkness surrounding me
of the mist blocking my visage.
The stars above me can't be seen
through the smog of the world
that has been created by the crap.
I haven't helped.
I have lied
and squirmed my way
out of the difficult questions.
And there are the rare times
when I am alone
that I will be honest.
I am drunk now
I do not regret it
I will not apologize for it.
During the day
when the sun shines on me
I seem fine
But alone in the dark
there are tears.
Will you see this as art
and ignore the message
that I hope you hear
but you will not be tagged
not by me
for I am afraid of the conversation
that we would have.
If you knew how
I felt
for you.
For the world around me
I see the happy pairs
who seem content for the world
I have felt that I have found
that one person, who I can feel
who can feel me, who
understands
But they slip away.
Does it really matter if
I am alone in the
feeling.
Friendship and family.
Great
Wonderful.
But nothing in the end.
Replaceable, forced
where is the true connection.
I am naked now
a joke to many.
Art to some
But who will hear me.
Who will understand.
I need more.
Maybe more then you can offer.
But if you give me your gift.
I will try to repay in kind.
For the wonder that is this night.
Will only come so often.
Tonight I was not myself
I was a being sent
from elsewhere.
Tonight I came and
whispered in you ear
You are Beautiful
I expected no reaction
I expect no response
I wish for you to kow
something which I will not understand
Till I am alone in the dark.
That you truly are beautiful.
It doesn't matter that I don't know you.
It doesn't matter that others may think you
ugly. For there is truth
in these words which
escape my mouth tonight.
You are beautiful.
And if you are blind to the beauty
if it has been covered by something
Tonight it doesn't matter
Tomorrow it doesn't matter
It doesn't matter.
There is beauty in this world
in you in me.
In the trees and the sea
there is something there that
words
alone can not describe
No song can make sense of it
no poem will have made it clear
but there is something which I share
You are beautiful.
And this beauty is beyond
that which can be seen
beyond which that can be felt
there is something there that we know.
There is a truth
and in that truth there is a beauty.
Experience it
one way or another
And in the experience we will
come on step
closer
To the beauty that is the truth.
------------------------
Poetry escapes me
and there is a meaning
do I understand
or am I talking to the darkenss.
--------------------
Why is it in these times
of darkness that I can find it easy
to speak those thoughts
which always dwell in my mind.
Can you not hear them
Can I not say them
Will they be ignored.
No for dark and light
are illusion
which we create
and hide within
there is truth in words
no matter when they are
spoken
sang
written.
--------------
An outpouring happens now
Something
Someone
has caused it
was it you,
or me.
Which in this night,
has seen the truth.
Was it you who explained it to me?
Or I am here speaking these words,
making you see, in ways that are,
new
scary
exciting?
A group of poems that I think work well together. Hope you enjoy.
Spoiler
All my words blur together.
And all the sights before me
are something which I miss
Why do the stars above me hold
as much value as the people around me
Are they as easy to reach?
I wish to defend this statement,
but look at it, and find it to be true.
We say the words
we even might mean them
But when do we reach out.
When do we truly touch each other.
As these words spill out from me.
I know there is a lie there.
Four years ago, I wouldn't
be here. As I am now.
Not without your touch.
We push we pull
we affect each other
And the stars above me
never will outshine my friends
Yet I can't comprehend,
I will not understand
why looking at the stars
I can say alone,
what I can not say to you.
I have meet you once.
I have lived with you
I have been closer to you then anyone
shared feelings that I don't understand.
And yet at night
the stars above
seem closer then you.
It is not fair.
Not that I blame you
it is me. The fault
mine.
I must keep you so far
or else I would be
normal
like the rest of you.
I reach out
in these times
where I straddle the edge
of what is and what can be.
And I look to these people,
who laugh and live with me
and hope they will see
Me.
Not my face, not my mask
not who I am when I act.
But who I am, when I am tired
when my brain can't put on
this elaborate facade
to protect myself.
And in the end,
I curl up next to you.
Hoping and dreaming
of worlds that spin above and
around me.
------------------
The stars glimmer
and I can't help
but wonder.
Do they cry on those worlds,
to?
----------------------
A friend lost in darkness
is a friend never truly had
for the distance that separates us
can not overcome the bond we form.
And as I reach the edge
of this world that we live in
I know if I reach back.
You will be there
to grab my hand.
------------------
Lies flow from me
much easier then truth
but in each lie
there is part of me
Can you
Will you
Please see it.
Find the part that is truely
meaningful.
Find it and show it to me.
Push it in my face.
Hold my dreams in front of my eyes
So then when I see something,
it is something that gives me hope.
It is you and me.
Holding hands.
Kissing.
Loving.
------------------------
Tonight passes to quickly.
I see you for a brief moment
and then my eyes open.
and the dream you are
vanishes.
Will you wake up with me
in the morning?
Can my arms hold
something so rare
so unforeseen
so beautiful?
Or will you dream of someone else
and be with them
I can't blame you
You deserve your dream.
I deserve mine.
May they both come true.
-------------
A shiver
is something that frightens me
Hold me?
Comfort me.
Let me not be alone.
Tonight of all nights.
For I wish for you to be here
holding me.
Helping me
Comforting me.
And I wish.
That I wouldn't need it.
----------
And so into the night
I fade away
not missing the world around me
but understanding
the world isn't mine
thought you might wanna know that the last work of your poem in your signature should be too not to
__________________ Rhythm within verse to bring sweet tears
Silent script breeds death to my fears
And what of the poet's bleeding black soul?
He buried it deep in a dank dark hole...
Red hot edge dipped in enemy’s life
Squirt warm stream of bittersweet strife
And what of the warrior's maddening guilt?
He buried it deep as still he strikes from the hilt...
This is some good stuff. I've always wished I could do poetry well.
I'll have something more specific and helpful for you when I have time.
Have you considered putting some of these in the Playground Writer's Workshop The thread seems to be dying off, we could use a new writer, especially one with so many pieces.
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Some writing of Mine (Critiques welcomed)
