Hello, and welcome to the Second Crack Pairings thread. If you haven't read the first one yet, you can do so here.
Or, if you don't wish to read through all 49 pages, here's the short version: we have a roller and some tables. You roll a pairing, and maybe a plot device, then you write it, draw it, act it out, interpretive dance it, whatever! Apparently we like this sort of thing.
Please remember to keep it clean, folks! The board rules still apply!
When posting a pairing, please at least try to do something with it. We like it when people try!
Should you wish to roll a pairing, Sgeo coded up a roller for us. If you want that personal touch, go roll on the tables, or make up your own pairing!
Banners!
Spoiler
Text:
Zanaril's
Spoiler
Funky Goose's
Spoiler
Discord's
Spoiler
Saeyan
Spoiler
rangermania
Spoiler
Trixie
Spoiler
MReav
Spoiler
half-halfling
Spoiler
Tables!
Spoiler
Initial Table
Roll 2d6 (or more!) decide which tables to pick the characters from.
OotS Table 1
OotS Table 2
OotS Table 3
OotS Table 4
Minion List
Dead Guy List
Table 1 - By Minion992929
Roy
Durkon
Celia
Xykon
Tsukiko
Vaarsuvius
Monster in The Dark
Miko
Nale
Elan
Haley
Belkar
Lord Shojo
Redcloak
Hinjo
Daigo
Kazumi
Inkyrius
Roll again twice
Roll again and switch gender
Table 2 - By Minion 992929
The Guy with a halberd
Sarah Greenhilt
Haley's dad
Thanh
Julio Scoundrél
Mr. Rodriguez
Horace Greenhilt
Therkla
Zz'Dtri
YokYok
Leeky Windstaff
The Cliffport chief of police
Windstriker
Jirix
Lien
Argent
Yor
Roll again twice
Roll again on twice on Initial Table
Roll again and switch gender
Table 3 - By Minion992929
Soon Kim (incorporeal)
Shadowdancer
Hilgya
Dorukan
Bozzok
Crystal
Bandit King
Ancient Black Dragon
O-Chul
The Snarl
The Eye of Fear and Flame
Lord Kubota
Thog
Julia Greenhilt
Belkar
The oracle
Jephton/Haerta/Ganneron
Roll again twice on Initial Table
Roll again twice
Roll again and switch gender
Table 4 - By Minion 992929
The dragon's hoard
The chimera
The really dangerous trap
Roy's Archon
The Hydra
Teevo
Xykon's zombie dragon head
Roy's sword
The entire Hobgoblin army
The orc chieftain
The IFCC
Durkon while under the effects of Thor's might
Mr Scruffy
Hieronymus Grubwiggler
All of the Demon Roaches at once
Bone golem Roy
Roll again twice
Roll again on Tables 1, 2, and 3
Roll again twice on Initial Table
Roll again and switch gender
Minion List -Made By MReav
Goblin
Hobgoblin
Kobold
Ogre
Lizardfolk
Bug-people
Azure City Soldier
Bandit or Thieves Guild Member
Orc
Owlbear
Troll (flip coin to determine land or sea)
Zombie
Ghoul
City Guardsman
Angel-thing
Ghost Martyr
Roll again on another table.
Roll again twice
Roll Again and invert alignment
Roll again for minion army
Dead Guy List -Made By MReav
Samantha
Sangwaan
Hobgoblin General
Azure City General
Death Knight
Huecva
Trigak
Earth Dungeon Guardian
Fire Dungeon Guardian
Kraagor
Mijung
Eugene Greenhilt
Old Blind Pete
Giant Devil
Buggy-Lou
Isamu.
Roll Again on a different table
Roll Again Twice
Roll Again and Switch Gender
Roll again. If you roll this option twice in a row: Eastern Pantheon and World 1.0
Supplemental Plot Devices (Optional!) - By Nerdanel
Unrequited love
Love potion
Drunkenness
Snowed in
Stuck on a desert island
In the afterlife
Aliens Made Them Do It (not necessarily literal aliens)
True love
Love/hate relationship
Adultery
Pregnancy (use male pregnancy if needed)
Pink frills and white lace
French maid costume
Police/military uniform
High heels and black leather
American high school setting
Someone is a vampire
Everyone is a furry version of themselves
Kidnapped (By somebody inside or outside of the pairing)
Roll again twice
Of course, feel free to make up your own pairings!
Before I go off to bed, and to kick off the new thread, I'm gonna say right now, be on the lookout for the next few days. I'm entertaining ideas of a contest.
Figure I should open with a story.
Someone rolled Julia/Roy's sword
Here we go. Didn't put much effort in, but still want critique.
Spoiler
Julia stretched out on the bed in her dorm. The walls were plain, the sheets were coarse and only white by virtue of being bleached every few days, the furniture was so crude it seemed deliberate, and her roommate never shut up, but it was hers. She had earned her scholarship, she had chosen her courses. This was her life.
The day was warm, and she was wearing as little as she dared, wishing she knew more ice spells so she could cool off. More then that, she wished there was some sort of release.
She sighed, running her hand through her dark hair. She wasnt sure she liked it. It was straight, and shiny, and all her friends liked it, but it wasnt her. There was nothing about it that differentiated her from everyone else with dark hair. It wasn''t hers, it was just generic dark hair.
Stretching her long legs over the side of her bed, she got to her feet and padded over to the door, which she checked was securely closed, and then locked. Just in case she cast hold portal as well. Most wizards agreed it was a useless spell, but when you were a nubile young girl who half the students drooled over and liked your privacy (or rather, didnt feel like giving anyone a free show), then it was worth the effort of learning a few safeguards.
Taking a deep breath she reached into her bag and retrieved the sword.
The sword was who she was. It was who her family was. Where they came from, and what they were. Her father may have forgotten that, but she never would.
She could barely heft it, but she held it up nonetheless, admiring its functional elegance, its raw simplicity. In its own way, it was prettier then any rose. Running her hand down the edge gently, she gasped as it cut through the skin, a single bright bead of blood running down the edge. A bright flush crept over her cheeks, giving her dark skin a warm look.
She clutched it closer, enjoying the cold feel of the metal against her warm, yielding flesh. Youre not my knight." She said huskily, her green eyes wide, undoing the clasp at the back of her bra. "Youre not my saviour. Youre me. And I am you.
Also, we are now on the second thread. Yay!
__________________
Nadir We,
Youth Born,
Blood Letters,
Axe Weilders,
Victors Still.
Bah, thread ends right after I post my latest literary abomination? How bothersome... I wanted feedback!
Oh well. Lets see if I can whip something up to celebrate the birth of our newest Crack Pairing Thread...
Lets see... IIRC, my current challenges are:
Kazumi x Therkla Yor x Belkar (Aliens made them do it)
Redcloak x Miko
Tsukiko x Therkla
Eye of Fear and Flame x Haley (French Maid outfit)
O-Chul x IFCC (pregnancy)
Am I missing any?
Lets go wiiiiiiith...
O-Chul x IFCC (pregnancy)
Spoiler
"This is actually starting to bore me..." Xykon sighed as he watched O-Chul twitch and squirm in a burning room full of acid-spitting, lightning-breathing, spike covered kittens. The fact that the kittens were more focused on playing with the frayed ends of the ropes binding the Paladin, rather than the prisoner himself, didn't add much to the entertainment value. "I need some new ideas..."
"We might be of service..." a voice crooned from behind the Lich. Turning about, Xykon found himself in the company of three red-robed fiends with varying eye colors. "We are the IFCC, and we might have what you're looking for..." the center figure nodded slowly.
"And that would be?" Xykon cocked his skull to the side.
"An unbelievably cruel way of torturing the Paladin you've been using as a torture sponge..." the robed figure on the right clapped its hands together jovially.
"A way you would have never, ever thought of yourself..." the left-hand figure added.
Xykon studied the three fiends for a few seconds, before finally replying. "I'm listening..."
---
9 months later, Xykon was standing in a hospital, the dark voids that represented his eyes stretched to their limit. He was staring, in what could only be described as horror, through a window into a hospital room. Hideous screams could be heard through the glass - the screams of a man enduring agony that no man before him had ever experienced, and was in no way prepared to endure. Xykon slowly turned around, and just stared at the three red-robed fiends behind him. His jaw worked back and forth, as if he was trying to say words that just wouldn't, or couldn't, form. Finally, he simply shook his head and said, "Wow."
"What?" the center figure asked.
"You... You out-eviled me. I never would have thought of making him pregnant. That didn't even seem physically possible! How on earth did you come up with such a torture method?"
"Um... Chance?" the figure on the left shrugged.
"Yeah... Just pure chance..." the right figures hood nodded vigorously.
"Yes, the Paladin getting pregnant was totally our idea for the torture..." the center figure clapped his hands together.
A few moments of dead silence passed. Finally, Xykon spoke. "Him getting pregnant was just a side effect of what ya'll call torture, wasn't it?"
"..." the three fiends looked back and forth amongst each other. Suddenly, one of them gasped. "Oh would you look at the time, we're late for that... thing!"
"Oh yes, that thing! Lets go!" the right IFCC member exclaimed.
"But I want to see my newborn so-" the left figure started, but both fiends grabbed him before he could finish.
"You can sue for custody later!" growled the center one.
"Lets go!" the right fiend yelped.
And with that, the IFCC vanished. Xykon was left standing there, trying to block out the wailing of whatever had just been born on the other side of the glass. He then looked down at his watch, and began to count down the seconds. "Three, two, one..."
---
"Gya!" Xykon bolted upright, looking around his room in horror. He then laid back down in his bed, and growled to himself, "I can't wait for these weird dreams to stop..."
"Sir..." Redcloak suddenly entered the room, covered in bandages and nursing a serious black-eye. "The prisoner's........ spawn...... appears to be teething."
"Hold on a second Redcloak..." Xykon sighed. He then pulled back his sleeve, and began to count down the seconds. "Five, four, three, two, one..."
---
"Hurk!" Xykon gasped, jolting up in his seat. He'd fallen asleep at his desk again, having once again plotted evil to the point where he'd passed out. The Lich growled to himself, and snarled: "I'm getting tired of these dreams! AND SINCE WHEN AM I PHYSICALLY CAPABLE OF SLEEPING?!?"
I don't know why, but I just love making Xykon have nightmares about Crack Pairings. Its just funny to me, for some reason...
Btw, Minion, interesting story. And by interesting, I mean creepy. Nah, but seriously, good writing.
__________________
Quote:
Originally Posted by SilverClawShift
Wizard: Ug. God. Allright. What do you want us to do?
Me: Burn for me.
Wizard: ...what?
Me: I activate the fire ability. "BURN FOR ME!!!!!!"
Bah, thread ends right after I post my latest literary abomination? How bothersome... I wanted feedback!
Oh well. Lets see if I can whip something up to celebrate the birth of our newest Crack Pairing Thread...
Lets see... IIRC, my current challenges are:
Kazumi x Therkla Yor x Belkar (Aliens made them do it)
Redcloak x Miko
Tsukiko x Therkla
Eye of Fear and Flame x Haley (French Maid outfit)
O-Chul x IFCC (pregnancy)
Am I missing any?
Lets go wiiiiiiith...
O-Chul x IFCC (pregnancy)
Spoiler
"This is actually starting to bore me..." Xykon sighed as he watched O-Chul twitch and squirm in a burning room full of acid-spitting, lightning-breathing, spike covered kittens. The fact that the kittens were more focused on playing with the frayed ends of the ropes binding the Paladin, rather than the prisoner himself, didn't add much to the entertainment value. "I need some new ideas..."
"We might be of service..." a voice crooned from behind the Lich. Turning about, Xykon found himself in the company of three red-robed fiends with varying eye colors. "We are the IFCC, and we might have what you're looking for..." the center figure nodded slowly.
"And that would be?" Xykon cocked his skull to the side.
"An unbelievably cruel way of torturing the Paladin you've been using as a torture sponge..." the robed figure on the right clapped its hands together jovially.
"A way you would have never, ever thought of yourself..." the left-hand figure added.
Xykon studied the three fiends for a few seconds, before finally replying. "I'm listening..."
---
9 months later, Xykon was standing in a hospital, the dark voids that represented his eyes stretched to their limit. He was staring, in what could only be described as horror, through a window into a hospital room. Hideous screams could be heard through the glass - the screams of a man enduring agony that no man before him had ever experienced, and was in no way prepared to endure. Xykon slowly turned around, and just stared at the three red-robed fiends behind him. His jaw worked back and forth, as if he was trying to say words that just wouldn't, or couldn't, form. Finally, he simply shook his head and said, "Wow."
"What?" the center figure asked.
"You... You out-eviled me. I never would have thought of making him pregnant. That didn't even seem physically possible! How on earth did you come up with such a torture method?"
"Um... Chance?" the figure on the left shrugged.
"Yeah... Just pure chance..." the right figures hood nodded vigorously.
"Yes, the Paladin getting pregnant was totally our idea for the torture..." the center figure clapped his hands together.
A few moments of dead silence passed. Finally, Xykon spoke. "Him getting pregnant was just a side effect of what ya'll call torture, wasn't it?"
"..." the three fiends looked back and forth amongst each other. Suddenly, one of them gasped. "Oh would you look at the time, we're late for that... thing!"
"Oh yes, that thing! Lets go!" the right IFCC member exclaimed.
"But I want to see my newborn so-" the left figure started, but both fiends grabbed him before he could finish.
"You can sue for custody later!" growled the center one.
"Lets go!" the right fiend yelped.
And with that, the IFCC vanished. Xykon was left standing there, trying to block out the wailing of whatever had just been born on the other side of the glass. He then looked down at his watch, and began to count down the seconds. "Three, two, one..."
---
"Gya!" Xykon bolted upright, looking around his room in horror. He then laid back down in his bed, and growled to himself, "I can't wait for these weird dreams to stop..."
"Sir..." Redcloak suddenly entered the room, covered in bandages and nursing a serious black-eye. "The prisoner's........ spawn...... appears to be teething."
"Hold on a second Redcloak..." Xykon sighed. He then pulled back his sleeve, and began to count down the seconds. "Five, four, three, two, one..."
---
"Hurk!" Xykon gasped, jolting up in his seat. He'd fallen asleep at his desk again, having once again plotted evil to the point where he'd passed out. The Lich growled to himself, and snarled: "I'm getting tired of these dreams! AND SINCE WHEN AM I PHYSICALLY CAPABLE OF SLEEPING?!?"
I don't know why, but I just love making Xykon have nightmares about Crack Pairings. Its just funny to me, for some reason...
Btw, Minion, interesting story. And by interesting, I mean creepy. Nah, but seriously, good writing.
um... its been said before that liches don't sleep. otherwise, nice story.
__________________
Give a man a match, keep him warm for a minute. Set a man on fire, keep him warm for the rest of his life.
Seriously, if everyone else can get away with the stuff they write, I think I can take a little creative liberty with the sleeping habits of the undead.
Speaking of undead, I've got an idea on how to do that Miko x Redcloak story... The question is, should I just write it as a short crack fic, or actually try to go somewhere with it? The idea I have could work both ways... It would either make for a rather silly one shot, or be turned into a pretty funny series of shorts. Theoretically, at least... So yeah - Miko x Redcloak: one shot, or series?
__________________
Quote:
Originally Posted by SilverClawShift
Wizard: Ug. God. Allright. What do you want us to do?
Me: Burn for me.
Wizard: ...what?
Me: I activate the fire ability. "BURN FOR ME!!!!!!"
Seriously, if everyone else can get away with the stuff they write, I think I can take a little creative liberty with the sleeping habits of the undead.
Speaking of undead, I've got an idea on how to do that Miko x Redcloak story... The question is, should I just write it as a short crack fic, or actually try to go somewhere with it? The idea I have could work both ways... It would either make for a rather silly one shot, or be turned into a pretty funny series of shorts. Theoretically, at least... So yeah - Miko x Redcloak: one shot, or series?
IMO, you should make it a series, because it sounds really, really promising. However, if you don't feel you could do it justice as a series, you should just do a one-off. How's that sound?
EDIT: Do elves grow facial hair? I need it for chapter 2 of my fanfic.
__________________
Amazingly cool avatar by Mauve Shirt. May she ever be promoted and not demoted! *promotes*
Books are a mind-altering substance. Therefore, I am high all the time. My old avatars. Thanks, y'all! Some poetry I've written. Constructive criticism warmly welcomed.
Last edited by TheBibliophile : 09-15-2009 at 05:49 AM.
Vaarsuvius x Haley: The one you've all been hoping would never get a sequel due to the author's total incompetence!
Chapter 2: Section 1
Spoiler
I was awoken from my cross-legged trancing by a gentle shake. I hovered down to the hard, lice-infested bed, heartily glad that I had not slept there, and opened an eye. A pair of hazel-brown eyes stared at me, and a lilting voice spoke.
"Hey, Vaarsuvius, time to get up! There's a party meeting downstairs in the bar!"
"Please, Miss Starshine, call me V. I believe you humans prefer short, easy-to-say names to complicated ones, though I cannot imagine why for the life of me."
"Alright, V, but only if you call me Haley! Now come on, already, Roy will be getting grumpy!"
Miss Starshine (Haley, I corrected myself) skipped down the stairs from the living section of the inn, humming a tune which seemed to be about treasure. I got up and stumbled over to the door, casting Prestidigation to iron my robes as I did so. For some reason, I cared more about my appearance than usual today.
More to come later.
__________________
Amazingly cool avatar by Mauve Shirt. May she ever be promoted and not demoted! *promotes*
Books are a mind-altering substance. Therefore, I am high all the time. My old avatars. Thanks, y'all! Some poetry I've written. Constructive criticism warmly welcomed.
Last edited by TheBibliophile : 09-15-2009 at 06:45 AM.
This is probably going to be the last of my ElanxRoy thing. I'll think up of other crack fics later. XD
Spoiler
As Elan walked slowly to Roy's tent, he was unsure of what to say. He opened the flaps of the entrance and stepped in. He was in for a shock: Roy wasn't in his tent, and even more strange was a note tacked to the post. Elan took it.
"Meet me outside the encampment, please. ~Roy" Elan read. His knees were wobbly. What was Roy going to do? Fire him? Berate him? He sighed and pocketed the note.
Roy was standing just a few feet away, facing away from the camp. His sword was jammed into the sand beside him.
Elan cleared his throat.
"R-Roy?" He asked.
"Yes?" Roy replied. He didn't sound too angry.
"About what happened last night, I'm..."
"Elan, listen." Roy interuppted." Then he turned around and walked up to Elan.
"My time being dead had me thinking: You've really grown up." Roy put a hand on the boy's shoulder.
"How could you see us if you were dead?" Elan asked.
"Scrying. Don't ask me how." Roy took a few steps away. "Want to do some swordplay?" He took out his sword. "I'll go easy on you."
Elan took out his raiper and did a pose.
"Now attack."
Elan didn't budge.
"Elan, you think I'm gonna let you kill me? Besides, it's not like we don't have a healer in case we do mortally wound ourselves."
Elan took that as encouragement and brought down a vertical strike. Roy quickly blocked it.
"Good, very good." Roy nodded, a cunning smile creeping on his face. "But you may not want to pause for too long or else-"
Roy suddenly pushed his sword off of Elan's and brought it just close to Elan's waist. Elan stepped back.
"Is this punishment?" Elan asked.
"Training, Elan. Training. I wouldn't mind having a pupil, Brother Elan."
Elan's heart jumped. Did Roy just call him what he...Brother Elan?!
"B-Brother?" Elan gasped.
"That's what we called ourselves in Fighter Academy." Roy explained.
"Should I call you Master, then?"
"Brother Roy." Roy said. "Let's do it, then."
Elan and Roy then began to swing their swords at each other, getting quicker and quicker. Their breathing quickened and sweat poured down their face. Their swords rang loudly throughout the encampment and the glistening sun reflected from the blades, blinding the two warriors every so often. Around this time, Elan would be shouting puns, but today, this one special day, when he finally had Roy on his side sparring, he refused to adhere to his "punny"-side.
In his head, there was one song that was near and dear to his heart, a song he sung during the Azure City battle after Roy's death.
O' Buddy Roy...
Last edited by Belkster11 : 09-15-2009 at 07:16 AM.
It's pretty amazing to see "Crack Pairings II". Roman numerals are badass.
Lira, thanks for all the hard work you've put into the compilation threads. If you have the time, maybe the art post could be sorted by character or artist? Because it's a little messy right now.
Quote:
Originally Posted by TheBibliophile
"Please, Miss Starshine, call me V. I believe you humans prefer short, easy-to-say names to complicated ones, though I cannot imagine why for the life of me."
Hurray, V/H! I like the treasure song and robe-ironing. It's details like that which make the story so cute. Though I always imagined it would be Haley doing the name-shortening. It just doesn't quite seem in line with V's character to hack up his name like that. Though I just realized he allows Kyrie to call him Suvie, so never mind. Though he does say "your Vaarsuvius" instead of "your Suvie".
Edit: Also, I just tried my luck with the automatic roller...
Poor Water-Smurf. So buried in schoolwork (I can sympathise, I truly can, today is the first time I've been able to complete a sketch in class in four weeks - horrible!) that she is forced to leave us starving for a new dose of VxRedcloak...
In lieu of completed sketches, it should come as no surprise precisely what it is I turned my sketching to.
(Lined paper. Sorry about that.)
Spoiler
Another jab at Water-Smurf's story. :) Maybe tribute will bring the goddess out of hiding.
And a separate picture of V looking all distant and worried.
Spoiler
Probably at the start of the fleet arc no wait that's not crackworthy enough He has fallen in love. Yes. With... um... *rolls* Eep. Durkon. Okay.
Since I have the time, maybe I'll just try and write that. :D
Be right back.
__________________
*Above post: Additional terms and restrictions may apply.
My OotS fanart thread: click here for proof that I have no life. Or, if you're debating with me and need fuel for an ad hominem, click for proof that I AM hopelessly fixated on Vaarsuvius.:)
Spliced!Kyrie avatar by Zanaril. Who else? My Deviantart gallery
Gah, and now I need to keep it PG-13. Ah, let's not bother too much with plot (and of course use all the anime stereotypes...). Probably quite NSFW towards the end:
Spoiler
Haley adjusted her uniform. She pulled her shirt straight, and checked whether her skirt was still in one piece.
She had just come off the Tokio underground, and again the women-only carriages had been full. So she had to take the mixed ones, full of the usual pervs. They had tried to molest her, as usual, but after what she had done to them, they'd never try again. The main issue with her solution would be that she just filled the women-only carriages a bit more... She did hope that none of them would circulate under-skirt mobile phone panty shots of her on the internet as a revenge.
But of course, all that was nothing compared to what she would have to do today. Haley grinned. The school she went to had been possessed by a truly evil demon. She really had to eradicate it today, otherwise the Order would be rather unhappy with her. Haley set off to her highschool in a determined mind.
Once there, she greeted several of her classmates. She quickly took the stairs to the second floor. But before she could reach it, someone called out her name.
"Hey Haley!"
Haley turned around. Of course it was him. Elan. Another member of the Order, but one that was kept out of the more 'special' operations. Why now?!? Just when she didn't need him at all. Elan ran to her, his blonde-tainted hair waving up and down.
"Look, Haley, I can make a puppet illusion with blue clothes!" With these words Elan showed off his newest puppet illusion. Haley looked at it, told him it was looking "Real good", and then made use of his puppet-obsession by pointing out some non-existing puppets and quickly slipping away while Elan looked for the puppets.
Haley quickly reached the second floor, and walked straight to the Biology Class. She carefully pushed open the door. No-one was there, as Biology classes only happened in the afternoon. She equally carefully closed the door, locked it, and walked to a cupboard. There He sat. His hollow orbits dark with emptyness, his bare bones hidden in the shadows. Although just a skull, this was a creature of pure evil, a tremendous demon from the nether dimensions. It spoke:
"Hey, chickie, come again to get spanked?"
"Nah, today it's you that is going to get spanked."
"Really?"
The skull's hollow orbits suddenly flamed with fire, and it launched itself out of the cupboard, narrowly missing Haley's head. The draft created by the sudden movement caused Haley to lose balance. She fell backwards. When she tried to right herself, she spotted the skull carefully inspecting her nether areas.
"Fancy panties, chickie. Pink with light blue lines. Mmmmmh, tasty birdie."
"Eye of Fear and Flame, you PERV! But this time I came prepared! Bag of Holding!"
Taking out her bag of holding, Haley plunged her hand into it, pulling a lighted firecracker out. She threw it right in front of the Eye, temporarilly blinding it. Haley lunged at the skull, and clasped her hands around it. The Eye of Fear and Flame gasped. Kneeling down, Haley brought it to the same level as her own head. She said, with malice in her eyes:
"I told you today was my turn."
(NSFW from here)
Spoiler
With these words she drew the skull closer to her face. She licked her lips. This was going to be fun. She then kissed the Eye right on his fleshless mouth. As again he gasped, she pushed her tongue into his mouth, licking his bare teeth and jaws, while at the same time stroking the back of the skull. She could see the fire in its eyesockets flare up. She moved her right hand so that she could hold the Eye tightly against her lips one-handed. With her left hand she began unbuttoning her shirt, revealing a sexy pink frilly bra. She pulled away from the skull. Pointing its eyesockets at her chest she said:
"Here, want to go down a bit?"
The Eye of Fear and Flame didn't answer. It oggled Haley's bra instead.
"I'll make it a bit easier for you. Like this." Grinning, Haley pulled down her bra, and lowered the Eye. "You may call me "Mistress", by the way."
The Eye stammered "A-Ar-Are y-you going to str-strip entirely?"
""Mistress"."
"Are you going to strip entirely, Mistress?"
"No, not entirely. Just enough for you to do your job."
Haley pushed the Eye against her chest, this time gasping herself. She then flicked up her short skirt, and slipped down her remaining hand...
Gah, and now I need to keep it PG-13. Ah, let's not bother too much with plot (and of course use all the anime stereotypes...). Probably quite NSFW towards the end:
Spoiler
Haley adjusted her uniform. She pulled her shirt straight, and checked whether her skirt was still in one piece.
She had just come off the Tokio underground, and again the women-only carriages had been full. So she had to take the mixed ones, full of the usual pervs. They had tried to molest her, as usual, but after what she had done to them, they'd never try again. The main issue with her solution would be that she just filled the women-only carriages a bit more... She did hope that none of them would circulate under-skirt mobile phone panty shots of her on the internet as a revenge.
But of course, all that was nothing compared to what she would have to do today. Haley grinned. The school she went to had been possessed by a truly evil demon. She really had to eradicate it today, otherwise the Order would be rather unhappy with her. Haley set off to her highschool in a determined mind.
Once there, she greeted several of her classmates. She quickly took the stairs to the second floor. But before she could reach it, someone called out her name.
"Hey Haley!"
Haley turned around. Of course it was him. Elan. Another member of the Order, but one that was kept out of the more 'special' operations. Why now?!? Just when she didn't need him at all. Elan ran to her, his blonde-tainted hair waving up and down.
"Look, Haley, I can make a puppet illusion with blue clothes!" With these words Elan showed off his newest puppet illusion. Haley looked at it, told him it was looking "Real good", and then made use of his puppet-obsession by pointing out some non-existing puppets and quickly slipping away while Elan looked for the puppets.
Haley quickly reached the second floor, and walked straight to the Biology Class. She carefully pushed open the door. No-one was there, as Biology classes only happened in the afternoon. She equally carefully closed the door, locked it, and walked to a cupboard. There He sat. His hollow orbits dark with emptyness, his bare bones hidden in the shadows. Although just a skull, this was a creature of pure evil, a tremendous demon from the nether dimensions. It spoke:
"Hey, chickie, come again to get spanked?"
"Nah, today it's you that is going to get spanked."
"Really?"
The skull's hollow orbits suddenly flamed with fire, and it launched itself out of the cupboard, narrowly missing Haley's head. The draft created by the sudden movement caused Haley to lose balance. She fell backwards. When she tried to right herself, she spotted the skull carefully inspecting her nether areas.
"Fancy panties, chickie. Pink with light blue lines. Mmmmmh, tasty birdie."
"Eye of Fear and Flame, you PERV! But this time I came prepared! Bag of Holding!"
Taking out her bag of holding, Haley plunged her hand into it, pulling a lighted firecracker out. She threw it right in front of the Eye, temporarilly blinding it. Haley lunged at the skull, and clasped her hands around it. The Eye of Fear and Flame gasped. Kneeling down, Haley brought it to the same level as her own head. She said, with malice in her eyes:
"I told you today was my turn."
(NSFW from here)
Spoiler
With these words she drew the skull closer to her face. She licked her lips. This was going to be fun. She then kissed the Eye right on his fleshless mouth. As again he gasped, she pushed her tongue into his mouth, licking his bare teeth and jaws, while at the same time stroking the back of the skull. She could see the fire in its eyesockets flare up. She moved her right hand so that she could hold the Eye tightly against her lips one-handed. With her left hand she began unbuttoning her shirt, revealing a sexy pink frilly bra. She pulled away from the skull. Pointing its eyesockets at her chest she said:
"Here, want to go down a bit?"
The Eye of Fear and Flame didn't answer. It oggled Haley's bra instead.
"I'll make it a bit easier for you. Like this." Grinning, Haley pulled down her bra, and lowered the Eye. "You may call me "Mistress", by the way."
The Eye stammered "A-Ar-Are y-you going to str-strip entirely?"
""Mistress"."
"Are you going to strip entirely, Mistress?"
"No, not entirely. Just enough for you to do your job."
Haley pushed the Eye against her chest, this time gasping herself. She then flicked up her short skirt, and slipped down her remaining hand...
And I'll stop there.
GAAH!
I think that's the most disturbing pairing I've read yet!
GAAAH!!!
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Amazingly cool avatar by Mauve Shirt. May she ever be promoted and not demoted! *promotes*
Books are a mind-altering substance. Therefore, I am high all the time. My old avatars. Thanks, y'all! Some poetry I've written. Constructive criticism warmly welcomed.
Because it's a cruel and unusual and utterly fitting punishment?
Sure, lets go with that.
Quote:
Originally Posted by TheBibliophile
IMO, you should make it a series, because it sounds really, really promising. However, if you don't feel you could do it justice as a series, you should just do a one-off. How's that sound?
EDIT: Do elves grow facial hair? I need it for chapter 2 of my fanfic.
I think I'm going to make it a series. I can tell you now that it will be deliciously cracky, but also have a decent plot. Once I figure out what that plot will be, at least. So far, all I have is the introduction and how the story gets set up...
Oh, and Elves have "little body hair" according to the PHB, but I always assumed that an elf could grow a goatee or some sort of "civilized" facial hair if he so desired...
Also, good job with the V x Haley literature. But don't stop there!
@ Belkster11: BRAVO!! That was a GREAT way to wrap up your little tale. I enjoyed it, and I can't wait to see your next piece of work...
@ Kaytara: I hereby give you a cookie in return for you showing us such awesome art. Interesting portrayels of two of my favorite characters...
@ Dra-Goon: I think I'll actually have to pass on this one. While I don't doubt your writing capabilities... I'd rather not have to deal with liquid gray matter dribbling out of my eyes and ears.
The first section of my Miko x Redcloak thing will be posted up later in the afternoon. I just have to fine tune a few details, and then actually write it out. Wish me luck!
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SilverClawShift
Wizard: Ug. God. Allright. What do you want us to do?
Me: Burn for me.
Wizard: ...what?
Me: I activate the fire ability. "BURN FOR ME!!!!!!"
I can think of a few video game characters that could be funny if matched with OOTS caracters.
You know, that's a good question. Personally, I think its funnier when its OotS characters only, but the occassional non-OotS character is okay. Actually, somebody mentioned Peter Griffon x Xykon earlier, and I was going to tackle that one after my Miko x Redcloak fic...
But if you have an idea that you think is funny, we won't say no to you. In fact, I'm curious to see what you can come up with... So yeah, give the crack pairing thread a try. I did, and I turned out *twitch* okay!
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SilverClawShift
Wizard: Ug. God. Allright. What do you want us to do?
Me: Burn for me.
Wizard: ...what?
Me: I activate the fire ability. "BURN FOR ME!!!!!!"
RSS Feeds: 
Crack Pairings II - Brain Bleach not Supplied
Nah, but seriously, good writing. 
