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Old 11-01-2009, 02:52 PM   Top  -  End  -  #1
Nero24200
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Default Scarlet Rose Discipline (TOB)

SCARLET ROSE DISCIPLINE
The Scarlet Rose discipline focuses heavily on the use of dual wielding weapons. Whilst the Tiger Claw discipline also caters for two weapon fighting, many of its pupils utilise the art in a savage and aggressive way. Students of the scarlet rose discipline are not only taught combat, but grace and beauty in their skill, as well as devastating methods of combining them.

The scarlet rose discipline originated in one of the temple of nine-swords earlier pupils, a young lady whom fought with a grace and beauty unsurpassed by the temples previous warriors. She had practiced the tiger claw discipline, but found it lacking and unable to satisfy her desire for speed and graceful mobility in a battle. When she attempted to teach more elegant and graceful maneuvers, she had roused anger from the tiger claw master. Their differences in opinion caused endless arguments. In the end, she had left the temple, and decided to teach her own adapted style out with the school of the nine swords.

Favoured Weapons: Dagger, Longsword, Quarterstaff, Rapier, Shortsword
Key Skill: Perform (Dance)
Availability: Warblades and Swordsages

Maneuver List
Spoiler


Feats
Spoiler


PENDENT OF THE RUBY ROSE
This small pendent features a thin, red disc with lines forming the pattern of a rose. When worn, these pendants grant the use of Scarlet Rose maneuvers. Scholar level pendants may feature traces of silver on the lines of the rose image, whilst Master level pendants may have gold instead.
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Last edited by Nero24200 : 07-25-2010 at 04:07 PM. Reason: Added feats and an image
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Old 11-01-2009, 03:08 PM   Top  -  End  -  #2
Nero24200
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Default Re: Dancing Leaf Discipline (TOB)

1st Level Maneuvers
Spoiler


2nd Level Maneuvers
Spoiler


3rd Level Maneuvers
Spoiler


4th Level Maneuvers
Spoiler


5th Level Maneuvers
Spoiler


6th Level Maneuvers
Spoiler


7th Level Maneuvers
Spoiler


8th Level Maneuvers
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9th Level Maneuvers
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Last edited by Nero24200 : 12-08-2009 at 01:11 PM. Reason: Minor Typos
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Old 11-01-2009, 03:09 PM   Top  -  End  -  #3
Eldan
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Default Re: Dancing Leaf Discipline (TOB)

I think there is already a discipline named like that around somewhere on the boards...
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Old 11-01-2009, 03:22 PM   Top  -  End  -  #4
Nero24200
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Default Re: Dancing Leaf Discipline (TOB)

Never seen one like that. Though I have heard of a Dancing Fox discipline ("Heard of" being the key words there), though having never read it I'm not sure if it's anything like mine.
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Old 11-01-2009, 03:44 PM   Top  -  End  -  #5
Siosilvar
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Default Re: Dancing Leaf Discipline (TOB)

Dancing Leaf, by The Demented One

Don't feel like you have to rename it, though. It really doesn't matter too much (though it may confuse some people).
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Last edited by Siosilvar : 11-01-2009 at 03:45 PM.
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Old 11-01-2009, 03:53 PM   Top  -  End  -  #6
Nero24200
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Default Re: Dancing Leaf Discipline (TOB)

Thats not too bad I guess. I figured if there was another one nammed that, it would be pretty similer to mine.

They both have a focus on mobility, but his seems more focused on avoiding blows etc while mines is more TWF, so I'll live with that. Though I'll try to come up with a different name to prevent confusion.
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Old 11-01-2009, 03:56 PM   Top  -  End  -  #7
DragoonWraith
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Default Re: Dancing Leaf Discipline (TOB)

At least one homebrew class also gets Demented One's Dancing Leaf discipline (though yours would probably also be appropriate).
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Old 11-01-2009, 04:09 PM   Top  -  End  -  #8
Nero24200
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Default Re: Graceful Blade Discipline (TOB)

Alright, the name has been changed to Graceful Blade to avoid confusion. It's not as catchy as "Dancing Leaf" though so I might change it again if I think of a better name.
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Old 11-01-2009, 04:10 PM   Top  -  End  -  #9
DragoonWraith
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Default Re: Graceful Blade Discipline (TOB)

Oh, and... it's "dual" wielding. A 'duel' is a one-on-one fight (usually). "Dual" means two.

Reading the actual discipline now so I can give you real feedback.
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Old 11-01-2009, 05:32 PM   Top  -  End  -  #10
Ziegander
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Default Re: Graceful Blade Discipline (TOB)

This is, for the most part, very well-balanced, extremely so for your first attempt at homebrewing a TOB discipline. I like it much better than Tiger Claw for a dual-wielding discipline.

One big(ish) concern is that Stopping Strike is a stance in both 6th and 7th level. Also, the save DC for that stance is very odd. I'm not sure what it's supposed to be, but in any case you should probably change it to something more standard like... 10+1/2 Initiator level+Dex or something.
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Old 11-01-2009, 05:34 PM   Top  -  End  -  #11
DragoonWraith
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Default Re: Dancing Leaf Discipline (TOB)

Quote:
Originally Posted by Nero24200 View Post
FLOWING MOMENTUM
Graceful Blade (Stance)
Level: Crusader 1, Swordsage 1, Warblade 1
Prerequisites: None
Initiation Action: 1 Swift Action
Range: Personal
Target: You
Duration: Stance

Whilst in this stance you are able to move more freely and build up speed more easily, allowing you to dodge attacks more easily. For every 10ft of movement covered whilst in this stance, you gain a +1 dodge bonus to armour class. The total amount of distance covered resets to 0 (reducing any bonus gained to +0) at the start of your turn.
Uhh... it's sort of easy to pump movement speed. Sure, you've got to actually move that distance to get the bonus, but I could totally see a character run around in circles for a 100 feet and getting a +10 bonus to AC, followed by a strike. That's... pretty significant. Cap this, perhaps, or just make it a flat bonus for having moved 10 or 20 feet (a la Skirmish or Improved Skirmish)?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Nero24200 View Post
LIGHTNING SPEED
Graceful Blade (Boost)
Level: Crusader 1, Swordsage 1, Warblade 1
Prerequisites: None
Initiation Action: 1 Swift Action
Range: Personal
Target: You
Duration: 1 Round

Whilst using this ability you gain a +10 enchantment bonus to your base land speed and do not provoke attacks of opportunity with your movement.
In D&D, "enchantment" is a school of magic devoted to messing with people's minds. Magic bonuses on items and from spells are "enhancement" bonuses.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Nero24200 View Post
SIDE-SHUFFLE
Graceful Blade (Counter)
Level: Crusader 1, Swordsage 1, Warblade 1
Prerequisites: None
Initiation Action: 1 Immediate Action
Range: Personal
Target: You
Duration: Instantaneous

You are able to make use of an athletic form and graceful movement to avoid a potentially hazardous blow. You may use this counter to gain a bonus to your armour dependent on your ranks in Perform (Dance), gaining +1 point with 4 ranks and an additional +1 point per every 3 ranks thereafter.
Don't most of the "bonus based on ranks in a skill" moves have a table, with a maximum bonus for having x+ ranks? You might do the same. Of course, ranks are far less easy to pump, so it's probably pretty safe.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Nero24200 View Post
SWIFT STRIKE
Graceful Blade (Strike)
Level: Crusader 1, Swordsage 1, Warblade 1
Prerequisites: None
Initiation Action: 1 Standard Action
Range: Melee Attack
Target: Any two creatures within range
Duration: Instantaneous

You are able to enhance your strikes with your swift and fluid movement. To use this strike you must use two weapons (though if you are only wielding one weapon you can substitute an unarmed strike if you have the Improved Unarmed Strike feat). You must make an attack against two foes within range (taking the normal penalties for two-weapon fighting). If both attacks hit the foes also take an additional +1D6 points of damage each.
This seems... I dunno. It's Steel Wind + Wolf Fang Strike + Rend, but requires Two-Weapon Fighting to mitigate the penalties. I'm not sure it's necessarily more powerful... but I suspect it is.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Nero24200 View Post
DECEITFUL DANCE
Graceful Blade (Strike)
Level: Crusader 2, Swordsage 2, Warblade 2
Prerequisites: None
Initiation Action: 1 Standard Action
Range: Melee Attack
Target: Any creature within range
Duration: Instantaneous

Your movements are able to subtlety conceal your intentions in combat, allowing you to strike at your foes more easily. When using this ability you may make a free feint attempt against your foe (and you may substitute Perform (Dance) for Bluff). If successful, you may make either a single melee attack or an attack with your weapons in each hand (with the normal two weapon fighting penalties) in addition to the normal bonuses for feinting. If the feint is unsuccessful however, the attacks also fail as well.
Seems reasonable. I'd consider saying that the target is denied his Dex bonus to AC for both attacks (since usually feinting only denies Dex for one attack, which makes it less than useful much of the time).

Quote:
Originally Posted by Nero24200 View Post
GRACEFUL INSTINCT
Graceful Blade (Counter)
Level: Crusader 2, Swordsage 2, Warblade 2
Prerequisites: None
Initiation Action: 1 Immediate Action
Range: Personal
Target: You
Duration: Instantaneous

When faced with danger, you are able to react more quickly and easily, but not through skill, but rather instinct honed and developed through practise. You may use this ability to make a perform (Dance) check in place of a reflex save.
Err... what is the difference between "skill" and "instinct honed and developed through practice"? You seem to have substituted the word for its definition there. Anyway, this is cool and fitting, so the crunch is fine.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Nero24200 View Post
RUSHING GALE
Graceful Blade (Strike)
Level:Crusader 2, Swordsage 2, Warblade 2
Prerequisites:None
Initiation Action: Full-Round Action
Range:Melee Attack
Target: Any creature within charge range
Duration: Instantaneous

You are able to move in any way needed to reach your foe for a devastating double attack. Whilst using this ability you may charge a single foe. Unlike a normal charge, you are not limited to a straight line and can make as many turns and route alterations as desired. If you are wielding two weapons you may strike with both weapons during this charge action (taking the normal two-weapon fighting penalties).
Uhhh... considering all of the incredible things one can do on a charge, I'm not sure that it's a good idea to call this a charge. Just say you can move double your move speed and then attack with both weapons. I think that matches your intent just the same, while preventing people from, oh, quintupling their damage from this strike...

Quote:
Originally Posted by Nero24200 View Post
LIGHTNING SKIRMISH
Graceful Blade (Stance)
Level: Crusader 3, Swordsage 3, Warblade 3
Prerequisites: 1 Graceful Blade Maneuver
Initiation Action:1 Swift Action
Range: Personal
Target: You
Duration:Stance

Whilst in this stance you are able to move more freely. You may use two-weapon fighting whenever you strike a foe as a standard action or whenever you make an attack of opportunity. Additionally, whilst in this stance you gain a +10 enchantment bonus to speed (this enchantment bonus stacks with any other enchantment bonuses gained via dancing leaf maneuver).
But not from other sources of Fast Movement? That seems to be the implication - which I don't get.

That said... this is a nice stance. Honestly should be the default, at least when you get BAB +6, but it is what it is.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Nero24200 View Post
RISING WIND
Graceful Blade (Strike)
Level: Crusader 3, Swordsage 3, Warblade 3
Prerequisites:1 Graceful Blade Maneuver
Initiation Action:Full-Round Action
Range: 25ft + 5ft per two initiator levels
Target: Any creature within range
Duration:Instantaneous

You are able to strike at the air so quickly and precisely that you can disrupt air currents, causing a powerful backlash. You may use this maneuver to strike a foe at range. You may make a full-attack action against the intended target. You must have both line of sight and line of effect to the target.
This is very powerful for a 3rd level maneuver. I'd make it either higher level or a standard action attack (and save the full-round attack for a higher level, I think.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Nero24200 View Post
WHIRLWIND STIRKE
Graceful Blade (Strike)
Level: Crusader 3, Swordsage 3, Warblade 3
Prerequisites: 1 Graceful Blade Maneuver
Initiation Action:1 Standard Action
Range: Melee Attack
Target:All creatures within range.
Duration: Instantaneous

You are able to circle quickly on the spot, building up great speed and using your mobility to strike at foes easily. You may make a free attack against all creatures within range of your attacks. If you have a second weapon, you may make 1 additional attack to a single creature after all other attacks have been resolved. Additionally, if one strike is a critical hit, any other successful attacks done during this maneuver are also automatically critical hits.
I don't understand the mechanics of this? Is it just a super-powered Whirlwind Attack?

Also, the critical hit thing is weird - and very powerful. Not sure it's overly powerful, but it is powerful.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Nero24200 View Post
DEADLY DANCE
Graceful Blade (Boost)
Level: Crusader 4, Swordsage 4, Warblade 4
Prerequisites: 2 Graceful Blade Maneuvers
Initiation Action: 1 Swift Action
Range: Personal
Target: You
Duration: 1 Round

Whilst using this maneuver you are able to move and glide around your foes with ease. You gain a bonus to attack rolls and damage rolls dependent on your ranks in Perform (Dance), with the bonus to attack rolls equal to +1 per 5 ranks and the bonus to damage rolls equal to +1D6 per 5 ranks.
Seems OK.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Nero24200 View Post
QUICK MOMENTUM
Graceful Blade (Strike)
Level: Crusader 4, Swordsage 4, Warblade 4
Prerequisites:2 Graceful Blade Maneuvers
Initiation Action:Full-Round Action
Range:Melee Attack
Target:Any 1 Creature
Duration:Instantaneous

A rush of adrenaline enables you to move quickly and strike at the same time. Whilst using this ability, you may move up to twice your base land speed (including any bonuses to speed). If you pass a foe at any point during your moment, you may make an attack against that foe, gaining a +1D6 bonus to the damage rolls, then continue the movement. You may only attack one foe, though you may still make two attacks if wielding two weapons (at the normal two-weapon fighting penalties).
You may "still" make two attacks with two-weapon fighting? That doesn't strike me as the norm here. A good maneuver, anyway.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Nero24200 View Post
WALL OF WIND
Graceful Blade (Counter)
Level: Crusader 4, Swordsage 4, Warblade 4
Prerequisites: 2 Graceful Blade Maneuvers
Initiation Action: 1 Immediate Action
Range: Personal
Target: You
Duration: Instantaneous

You are able to move fast enough to form the wind around you, enabling you to throw off small objects such as arrows and bolts. This counter grants a +4 dodge bonus against ranged attacks and 50% concealment against them. The concealment bonus only applies to bolts, arrows etc as well as objects that are only medium sized or smaller (so a bolt from a siege crossbow would not be subject to it, for instance).
It's not "50% concealment", it's a "50% miss chance". On the other hand, "total concealment" grants a 50% miss chance, but it grants a lot of other things too that you probably aren't offering.

Anyway, seems cool.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Nero24200 View Post
DECISIVE DANCE
Graceful Blade (Strike)
Level: Crusader 5, Swordsage 5, Warblade 5
Prerequisites: 2 Graceful Blade Maneuvers
Initiation Action: 1 Standard Action
Range: Melee Attack
Target: Any creature within range
Duration: Instantaneous

You are able to strike foes with such force that their body visibly shakes and trembles. To use this strike you must use two weapons. You must make an attack against the target with both weapons. If both weapons hit the foe instantly takes +2D6 points of weapon damage and 4 points of dexterity damage.
Seems cool.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Nero24200 View Post
LIGHTNING STRIKE
Graceful Blade (Strike)
Level: Crusader 5, Swordsage 5, Warblade 5
Prerequisites: 2 Graceful Blade Maneuvers
Initiation Action: 1 Standard Action
Range: Melee Attack
Target: Any 2 creatures within range
Duration: Instantaneous

This ability functions like swift strike, with two exceptions. Firstly, you gain an additional attack against each creature at your highest base attack bonus (before two-weapon fighting penalties). Additionally, if both foes are hit, they both take +2D6 points of additional weapon damage, and an additional +2D6 if both are hit twice.
So you don't take TWF penalties on the extra attack?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Nero24200 View Post
[spoiler]ELUSIVE GRACE
Graceful Blade (Counter)
Level: Crusader 6, Swordsage 6, Warblade 6
Prerequisites: 2 Graceful Blade Maneuvers
Initiation Action: 1 Immediate Action
Range: Personal
Target: Self
Duration: Instantaneous

You are able to utilise your graceful moves to avoid dangerous effects not only easily, but without them leaving a single scratch on you. This ability functions just like Graceful Instinct, except that whilst using this maneuver you also gain the benefits of evasion.
Cool.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Nero24200 View Post
STOPPING STRIKE
Graceful Blade (Stance)
Level: Crusader 6, Swordsage 6, Warblade 6
Prerequisites: 2 Graceful Blade Maneuvers
Initiation Action: 1 Standard Action
Range: Melee Attack
Target: Any creature within range
Duration: Instantaneous

Your attacks are able to echo throughout a creature’s body and stop them in their tracks. Foes struck by you whilst in this stance must pass a fortitude save (DC 5 + your Perform (Dance) modifier) or until the start of your next turn they count as being flat-footed.
On the one hand... getting your Perform (Dance) check absurdly high should be pretty easy if you wanted to do so. On the other hand, making them Flat-Footed seems like a weak enough status effect that you don't really need to offer them a chance to save.

Also, use "are denied their Dex bonus to AC", not flat-footed. Flat-footed only comes from not having yet had your turn on the first round of combat, which doesn't really apply here.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Nero24200 View Post
STOPPING STRIKE
Graceful Blade (Stance)
Level: Crusader 7, Swordsage 7, Warblade 7
Prerequisites: 2 Graceful Blade Maneuvers
Initiation Action: 1 Standard Action
Range: Melee Attack
Target: Any creature within range
Duration: Instantaneous

Your attacks are able to echo throughout a creature’s body and stop them in their tracks. Foes struck by you whilst in this stance must pass a fortitude save (DC 10 + half your initiator level + charisma modifier) or until the start of your next turn they count as being flat-footed.
Again, as above about using flat-footed. On every attack warrants a save, certainly.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Nero24200 View Post
HURRICANE MOMENTUM
Graceful Blade (Strike)
Level: Crusader 7, Swordsage 7, Warblade 7
Prerequisites: 2 Graceful Blade Maneuvers
Initiation Action: Full-Round Action
Range: Melee Attack
Target: Any 2 Creatures
Duration: Instantaneous

A rush of adrenaline enables you to move at almost supernatural speeds. This ability functions just like Quick Momentum with a few exceptions. You may move three times your base land speed (instead of twice your base land speed). Additionally, you may attack any two foes you pass, gaining two attacks on each and dealing +2D6 damage per attack.
Seems solid.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Nero24200 View Post
RIDE THE LIGHTNING
Graceful Blade (Boost)
Level: Crusader 8, Swordsage 8, Warblade 8
Prerequisites: 3 Graceful Blade Maneuvers
Initiation Action: 1 Swift Action
Range: Personal
Target: Self
Duration: 1 Round

Your movements start to become a blur in the eyes of your enemies, with your grace and style allowing you to move freely. You gain a +1 bonus to attack rolls, weapon damage rolls, armour class and saving throws per 4 rank in Perform (Dance). Additionally, you gain a +20ft enchantment bonus to your base land speed and a reach of 5ft.
First, awesome name.

Other than that... this is really good, but an 8th level maneuver should be. Nice.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Nero24200 View Post
WHIRLWIND TEMPEST
Graceful Blade (Strike)
Level: Crusader 8, Swordsage 8, Warblade 8
Prerequisites: 3 Graceful Blade Maneuvers
Initiation Action: 1 Standard Action
Range: Melee Attack
Target: All creatures within range.
Duration: Instantaneous

You are able to circle quickly on the spot, building up great speed and power to unleash devastating effects on those close by. This ability functions just like Whirlwind strike with a few exceptions. Firstly, you must be wielding two weapons to use this maneuver (though you can substitute an unarmed strike if you have the Improved Unarmed Strike feat). You may make an attack with each weapon (at the normal two weapon fighting penalties) against all foes within range. If any one attack is a critical hit, they all automatically become critical hits. Additionally, foes hit with both attacks take +2D6 points of damage.
Again, the critical hit thing seems weird and powerful. Other than that, looks good.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Nero24200 View Post
DANCE OF FOUR WINDS
Graceful Blade (Strike)
Level: Crusader 9, Swordsage 9, Warblade 9
Prerequisites: 4 Graceful Blade Maneuvers
Initiation Action: Full-Round Action
Range: Melee Attack
Target: Any 3 creatures
Duration: Instantaneous

Your master of the graceful arts enables you to move almost at godly speeds with great power. This strike functions like Hurricane Momentum with a few exceptions. Firstly, you may move up to 4 times your base land speed. Secondly, you may strike any foe you encounter, gaining a single attack with each weapon against each foe. Any foe struck successfully with both attacks takes +4D6 points of damage and must pass a fortitude save (DC 10 + half initiator level + charisma) or take 2D6 points of dexterity damage.
You assume two-weapon fighting when you say "a single attack with each weapon [...] both attacks" - you should probably say you may attack with two weapons once each (to avoid overpowering people with Multiweapon Fighting). Other than that... you have a chance to disable a lot of people here. That's pretty powerful...
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Old 11-01-2009, 06:52 PM   Top  -  End  -  #12
Nero24200
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Default Re: Graceful Blade Discipline (TOB)

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ziegander View Post
This is, for the most part, very well-balanced, extremely so for your first attempt at homebrewing a TOB discipline. I like it much better than Tiger Claw for a dual-wielding discipline.
Thanks. Truthfully, I was worried a fair bit might be problematic, particularly at higher levels since what little experience I have with TOB is low-level.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ziegander View Post
One big(ish) concern is that Stopping Strike is a stance in both 6th and 7th level. Also, the save DC for that stance is very odd. I'm not sure what it's supposed to be, but in any case you should probably change it to something more standard like... 10+1/2 Initiator level+Dex or something.
Ah, the level 6/7 thing is a typo. Origonally I had it at 6th level, then figured it should probably be a higher level. I'll edit it to include the replacment maneuver.

Quote:
Originally Posted by DragoonWraith View Post
Uhh... it's sort of easy to pump movement speed. Sure, you've got to actually move that distance to get the bonus, but I could totally see a character run around in circles for a 100 feet and getting a +10 bonus to AC, followed by a strike. That's... pretty significant. Cap this, perhaps, or just make it a flat bonus for having moved 10 or 20 feet (a la Skirmish or Improved Skirmish)?
Sounds like a good surgestion. I saw it as a low-level stance first and foremost so I didn't factor in higher level movement rates.

Quote:
Originally Posted by DragoonWraith View Post
This seems... I dunno. It's Steel Wind + Wolf Fang Strike + Rend, but requires Two-Weapon Fighting to mitigate the penalties. I'm not sure it's necessarily more powerful... but I suspect it is.
Well...I tried to make it a little less powerful by requiring you to strike two seperate targets. I might impose a minor penalty to hit or reduce the bonus damage (possibly to 1D4).

Quote:
Originally Posted by DragoonWraith View Post
Seems reasonable. I'd consider saying that the target is denied his Dex bonus to AC for both attacks (since usually feinting only denies Dex for one attack, which makes it less than useful much of the time).
Good point. It was intended for multiple attacks, so I'll clarify it.

It's getting late though (well...not that late, but I need to be up early ), so I'll have a look at the rest tomorrow
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Old 11-01-2009, 11:00 PM   Top  -  End  -  #13
DracoDei
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Default Re: Graceful Blade Discipline (TOB)

Quote:
Uhhh... considering all of the incredible things one can do on a charge, I'm not sure that it's a good idea to call this a charge. Just say you can move double your move speed and then attack with both weapons. I think that matches your intent just the same, while preventing people from, oh, quintupling their damage from this strike...
And yet, a lot of maneuvers count as charging...



To Nero: Look up For simplicity I have decided to duplicate in the spoiler below the "Flickering" weapon enchantment in my extended signature... it MIGHT be nice to have a maneuver that duplicates that effect (but not necessarily the fluff), since while it isn't explicitly TWF based, it does work well for "faster than the eye can see".

Spoiler
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Last edited by DracoDei : 11-01-2009 at 11:03 PM.
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Old 11-02-2009, 12:03 AM   Top  -  End  -  #14
DragoonWraith
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Default Re: Graceful Blade Discipline (TOB)

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Originally Posted by DracoDei View Post
And yet, a lot of maneuvers count as charging...
Do they? I'll admit that I very definitely have not read all of the maneuver descriptions; in fact, none of my ToB characters have ever had a chance to use anything higher than a 3rd level maneuver, so I've never more than skimmed the rest of the list. I probably should have said that up front, granted, I just didn't think to. Most of my critique was wording issues anyway; I mostly just wanted to try to help out with some feedback.
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Old 11-02-2009, 12:37 AM   Top  -  End  -  #15
DracoDei
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Default Re: Graceful Blade Discipline (TOB)

Yeah, a few White Raven strikes are charge based (including the 9th level one, and I THINK one of the 1st level ones). And all of the 5th level Devoted Defender alignment specific strikes are charge based...

I am all for critique... call it critiquing your critique...
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My Homebrew is meant to be used, but, if you do, PLEASE tell me how it goes.
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Old 11-02-2009, 01:36 PM   Top  -  End  -  #16
Nero24200
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Default Re: Graceful Blade Discipline (TOB)

Editted to clarify a few more things and make the wording in some areas a bit clearer.

@DracoDei
Certinaly looks like a fitting ability. I could see it working as maybe a strike or a stance.

As a side note, thanks to everyone so far for their feedback.
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Old 11-02-2009, 02:37 PM   Top  -  End  -  #17
OutlawJT
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Default Re: Graceful Blade Discipline (TOB)

Without going into too much detail (too many minor criticisms to this effect) first I need to say while it is a decent looking discipline it suffers a bit from power creep overall. There are a number of maneuvers at certain levels that are inherently more powerful than similar pre-existing maneuvers of the same level. I think a number of maneuvers just need a small touch of downsizing to make this discipline balanced with TOB.

Second, I don't think the flavor of this discipline meshes AT ALL with the Crusader class so I don't think it should be added as a Crusader discipline. It's fine for Warblade and Swordsage but doesn't fit well with the way Crusader (with it's already chosen disciplines) are designed.
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Old 11-02-2009, 02:54 PM   Top  -  End  -  #18
Nero24200
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Default Re: Graceful Blade Discipline (TOB)

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Originally Posted by OutlawJT View Post
There are a number of maneuvers at certain levels that are inherently more powerful than similar pre-existing maneuvers of the same level. I think a number of maneuvers just need a small touch of downsizing to make this discipline balanced with TOB.
Which ones in particular do you feel need downsizing the most? Saddly, since I've only seen TOB used at lower levels I'm not the best judge for higher level powers :/
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Old 11-02-2009, 03:41 PM   Top  -  End  -  #19
OutlawJT
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Default Re: Graceful Blade Discipline (TOB)

Swift Strike - duplicates two existing 1st level maneuvers and adds a damage bonus to them (making it more powerful than it's existing counterparts in TOB)

Flowing Momentum - is it +2 max or +1/2 initiator levels max? wording is ambiguous. if its +1/2 initiator level it is a bit powerful for a 1st level stance but not unbalancingly so unless you take the feats to throw it on a monk or something

Lightning Speed - already a boost that ups speed but this adds non-provoking movement (same issue as swift strike as this improves on an existing maneuver of the same level making it more powerful than TOB)

Side-Shuffle - I don't have a problem per se with this being unbalanced/overpowered for TOB but I don't like the mechanics of it for a boost. I think instead it should call for a perform(dance) skill check to determine the bonus. Maybe DC10 for +1 and additional +1 for every 5 exceeding the DC

Graceful Instinct - no problems with the mechanics I just think the descriptive wording is horrid

Rushing Gale - a tiny bit of power creep here (with the random directions charge ability whose proper name I've forgotten from the classes that offer it) but it's not too unbalanced as a maneuver. Maybe call for a perform(dance) check vs AC to get the offhand weapon attack on the charge to balance it?

Lightning Skirmish - there's already a stance that offers +10 ft movement but it's other bonuses fall far short of the two-weapon goodness this does. might be fine if you remove the comment about two-weapon AoO's. that makes it a little overpowered

Rising Wind - I think this should have specific damage rather than using weapon damage. take a close look at the shadow garrote line of maneuvers for a guideline as to the type/amount of damage

Whirlwind Strike - wow..... I'll need to reference my copy of TOB at home to properly address all the ways this maneuver is overpowered for this level but let me start by saying 'automatic threats' is an automatic "Hell no!!"



Gonna stop there for now as I'll need to look at my TOB book to properly gauge any higher level maneuvers than this.

I wanted to emphasize again that I think this discipline does not belong with the Crusader discipline list. It just doesn't fit at all with Crusader.
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Old 11-02-2009, 04:22 PM   Top  -  End  -  #20
Nero24200
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Default Re: Graceful Blade Discipline (TOB)

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Originally Posted by OutlawJT View Post
Swift Strike - duplicates two existing 1st level maneuvers and adds a damage bonus to them (making it more powerful than it's existing counterparts in TOB)
Been toned down a little. It no longer deals extra damage. Hopefully that should put it on par with other maneuvers of the same level.

Quote:
Originally Posted by OutlawJT View Post
Flowing Momentum - is it +2 max or +1/2 initiator levels max? wording is ambiguous. if its +1/2 initiator level it is a bit powerful for a 1st level stance but not unbalancingly so unless you take the feats to throw it on a monk or something.
Toned it down just a little and made the wording less ambigious (seems like 3/4's of the changes I've made have been clearing up text )

Quote:
Originally Posted by OutlawJT View Post
Lightning Speed - already a boost that ups speed but this adds non-provoking movement (same issue as swift strike as this improves on an existing maneuver of the same level making it more powerful than TOB)
Removed the boost to speed (since removing the other aspect will just make it too much like already existing maneuvers).

Quote:
Originally Posted by OutlawJT View Post
Side-Shuffle - I don't have a problem per se with this being unbalanced/overpowered for TOB but I don't like the mechanics of it for a boost. I think instead it should call for a perform(dance) skill check to determine the bonus. Maybe DC10 for +1 and additional +1 for every 5 exceeding the DC
I considered something like that, but I feel the current version is simpiler.

Quote:
Originally Posted by OutlawJT View Post
Rushing Gale - a tiny bit of power creep here (with the random directions charge ability whose proper name I've forgotten from the classes that offer it) but it's not too unbalanced as a maneuver. Maybe call for a perform(dance) check vs AC to get the offhand weapon attack on the charge to balance it?
Hmm...would a check required for any change in direction suit instead?

Quote:
Originally Posted by OutlawJT View Post
Rising Wind - I think this should have specific damage rather than using weapon damage. take a close look at the shadow garrote line of maneuvers for a guideline as to the type/amount of damage
Do you mean a specific type (bludgeoning, slashing, energy etc) or a set amount like XD6?

Quote:
Originally Posted by OutlawJT View Post
Whirlwind Strike - wow..... I'll need to reference my copy of TOB at home to properly address all the ways this maneuver is overpowered for this level but let me start by saying 'automatic threats' is an automatic "Hell no!!"
Yeah...the auto-critical and threats don't seem to be too popular. Removed the auto-threats from that maneuver and it's higher level equivilents.

Edit: And thought of a name for the discipline that's a little more catchy than graceful blade.
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