Hello, and welcome to the fourth Crack Pairings thread. If you haven't read the previous ones yet, you can do so here, here, and here.
Or, if you don't wish to read through all 149 pages, here's the short version: we have a roller and some tables. You roll a pairing, and maybe a plot device, then you write it, draw it, act it out, interpretive dance it, whatever! Apparently we like this sort of thing.
Please remember to keep it clean, folks! The board rules still apply!
When posting a pairing, please at least try to do something with it. We like it when people try!
New: Sure, we won't be winning any Oscars or anything, but that doesn't mean we can't have our own little awards.
Should you wish to roll a pairing, Sgeo coded up a roller for us. If you want that personal touch, go roll on the tables, or make up your own pairing!
Banners!
Spoiler
Image hosting sites only allow pictures to get a small amount of bandwidth. If you could, please upload banners to an account of your own to not use as much bandwidth for our talented artists, 'less all the beautiful banners disappear.
Text:
Zanaril's
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Funky Goose's
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Discord's
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Saeyan
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rangermania
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Trixie
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MReav
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Kaytara
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half-halfling
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Tables!
Spoiler
Initial Table
Roll 2d6 (or more!) decide which tables to pick the characters from.
OotS Table 1
OotS Table 2
OotS Table 3
OotS Table 4
Minion List
Dead Guy List
Table 1 - By Minion992929
Roy
Durkon
Celia
Xykon
Tsukiko
Vaarsuvius
Monster in The Dark
Miko
Nale
Elan
Haley
Belkar
Lord Shojo
Redcloak
Hinjo
Daigo
Kazumi
Inkyrius
Roll again twice
Roll again and switch gender
Table 2 - By Minion 992929
The Guy with a halberd
Sarah Greenhilt
Haley's dad
Thanh
Julio Scoundrél
Mr. Rodriguez
Horace Greenhilt
Therkla
Zz'Dtri
YokYok
Leeky Windstaff
The Cliffport chief of police
Windstriker
Jirix
Lien
Argent
Yor
Roll again twice
Roll again on twice on Initial Table
Roll again and switch gender
Table 3 - By Minion992929
Soon Kim (incorporeal)
Shadowdancer
Hilgya
Dorukan
Bozzok
Crystal
Bandit King
Ancient Black Dragon
O-Chul
The Snarl
The Eye of Fear and Flame
Lord Kubota
Thog
Julia Greenhilt
Belkar
The oracle
Jephton/Haerta/Ganneron
Roll again twice on Initial Table
Roll again twice
Roll again and switch gender
Table 4 - By Minion 992929
The dragon's hoard
The chimera
The really dangerous trap
Roy's Archon
The Hydra
Teevo
Xykon's zombie dragon head
Roy's sword
The entire Hobgoblin army
The orc chieftain
The IFCC
Durkon while under the effects of Thor's might
Mr Scruffy
Hieronymus Grubwiggler
All of the Demon Roaches at once
Bone golem Roy
Roll again twice
Roll again on Tables 1, 2, and 3
Roll again twice on Initial Table
Roll again and switch gender
Minion List -Made By MReav
Goblin
Hobgoblin
Kobold
Ogre
Lizardfolk
Bug-people
Azure City Soldier
Bandit or Thieves Guild Member
Orc
Owlbear
Troll (flip coin to determine land or sea)
Zombie
Ghoul
City Guardsman
Angel-thing
Ghost Martyr
Roll again on another table.
Roll again twice
Roll Again and invert alignment
Roll again for minion army
Dead Guy List -Made By MReav
Samantha
Sangwaan
Hobgoblin General
Azure City General
Death Knight
Huecva
Trigak
Earth Dungeon Guardian
Fire Dungeon Guardian
Kraagor
Mijung
Eugene Greenhilt
Old Blind Pete
Giant Devil
Buggy-Lou
Isamu.
Roll Again on a different table
Roll Again Twice
Roll Again and Switch Gender
Roll again. If you roll this option twice in a row: Eastern Pantheon and World 1.0
Supplemental Plot Devices (Optional!) - By Nerdanel
Unrequited love
Love potion
Drunkenness
Snowed in
Stuck on a desert island
In the afterlife
Aliens Made Them Do It (not necessarily literal aliens)
True love
Love/hate relationship
Adultery
Pregnancy (use male pregnancy if needed)
Pink frills and white lace
French maid costume
Police/military uniform
High heels and black leather
American high school setting
Someone is a vampire
Everyone is a furry version of themselves
Kidnapped (By somebody inside or outside of the pairing)
Roll again twice
Of course, feel free to make up your own pairings!
Aah, there's nothing like the smell of a new thread.
Indeed...
Now that this is done, I'd like to ask again if anybody'd be up to drawing a banner for the runner up in the contest, and if anybody would like to be a judge (obviously, you can't enter then).
Now that this is done, I'd like to ask again if anybody'd be up to drawing a banner for the runner up in the contest, and if anybody would like to be a judge (obviously, you can't enter then).
I'm up for being a judge!
__________________
This post may contain sarcasm. DeviantArt
And then the reverse-reverse happens. And then the universe implodes and creates a gigantic black hole. The end.
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Yes, I really quoted myself and put it in my signature. You can't honestly say you never thought something you said was so awesome you wanted to make it into a quote and put it in your signature, can you?
Spoiler
Okay, maybe you can.
Why did I buy Teleporking.com? I have no idea. Am I rich yet?
Vaarsuvius looked up sharply, her attention straying from the last half inch of beer in her glass and focusing dimly on the human that had just sat down at the bar. "I do not believe I know you."
He chuckled, and gave a mock bow. "Nor I you. What is a lovely... elf like you doing in these parts?" He gestured around the small tavern.
"That is none of your concern." Vaarsuvius relied moodily, draining the last of the beer. "Bartender, I require a refilling of my beverage." The elf dug around in a robe pocket for a handful of coins, but the human go there first.
"Let me buy that for you." He said, and his even and very white teeth bared in a dazzling smile as he placed a few coppers on the bar. Vaarsuvius observed him coldly.
"I am quite capable of paying for my own drinks. Please leave me alone."
“Ah, but a pretty-“ he paused, then took a gamble “…lady like yourself shouldn’t have to be alone.” He winked. “And that’s where I come in.”
Vaarsuvius leant away from the man, a slight pinkish tinge creeping across her face. But her expression was pure ice. “I will repeat this once more, and only once more: leave me alone.”
Julio Scoundrel sat back and watched the elf, seeming unconcerned by the rebuttal. The elf’s blush darkened a bit, and she hurriedly looked down, scowling into her drink. Julio merely smirked and tugged absent mindedly at his mustache.
“You seem upset about something. Penny for your thoughts?”
“I have already expressed my desire to be left alone. I do not wish to talk to you, human!” The elf stood up, meaning to storm out angrily, but the evenings drinking caught up with the elf and she stumbled, reaching out to grab the bar for support. Instead a firm hand caught her arm. She glared at the human, who simply stepped away and sat back down. The elf took a deep breath, trying to clear the alcohol-fuelled haze.
“Please stay. I simply wish for someone to talk to, and you appeared to be the most intelligible companion available.”
Warily, the elf sat back down, still frowning at the human. “That did not appear your intent when you first addressed me.”
He gave a light laugh, a pleasant sound which made the elf’s ears twitch. He was rather good-looking, she had to admit. He was handsome with a youthful face, but there were the tell-tale signs of age creeping up too; the elf’s sharp eyes picked out a few lighter strands of hair against the black, noted the faint lines at the corners of his eyes. The facial hair was rather off-putting, but then that was just one more aspect of humans the elf had never understood.
“Like what you see?”
The elf jumped “No, I… if you are going to be like that I will leave.”
“Apologies madam. It is simply a bad habit of mine to be so forward when talking to females.”
“That is evident.” The elf muttered, reluctantly picking up the glass of beer and taking a sip.
“So tell me, why is an elf such as yourself drinking in a back-street bar of a airship port?”
“I believe you already asked me that.”
“And I believe you didn’t answer.” He said, leaning forward on his elbows.
The elf sighed. “I am here following rumors of a potential source of arcane knowledge. It is nothing that would interest your type.”
“My ‘type’?”
“Those who bluff their way through life on a high Charisma, rather than utilizing logic and knowledge to make decisions.” The elf snapped.
“Hmm, that’s a pretty big accusation to make about someone you don’t know.” He tugged his mustache thoughtfully. “You think I’m, charismatic?”
“You are well aware of the fact, and undoubtedly use it to your benefit.”
He laughed. “Well, maybe I do. Although it doesn’t seem to be working for me recently.”
“I know what you want, and you would be better served looking elsewhere. Go and talk to someone else. Maybe someone with a higher Charisma score.”
Leaning further towards the elf, he rested a hand on his chin. “Why?”
The elf leant forward too, eyes burning. “Because you are obviously not really attracted to me! You are simply amusing yourself at my expense!”
The airship captain looked genuinely surprised. “I am not. You have already shown yourself to be intelligent and independent, both of which are traits I value highly. And besides, you belittle yourself; I do think you are pretty.”
“I doubt it.”
Without hesitation, the airship captain moved forward and kissed Vaarsuvius squarely on the lips. The elf’s eyes widened, but there was a moment’s pause before she pushed him away, breathing heavily.
“Why did you do that?” The elf hissed, but the tone was more curious than angry.
“You want me.”
Vaarsuvius looked away irritably, the blush now reaching the tips of her ears. “Maybe. What of it?”
Julio raised an eyebrow. “Why are you so opposed to the idea? We’re both adults capable of making our own decisions.”
“And if I decided I did want to?”
He slipped an arm around her waist and kissed her again, and this time she didn’t push him away but cautiously leant into the kiss.
“I have a room rented at-“ He started, but she cut him off.
“I do too. I would prefer to go there.”
He inclined his head, mouth twitching into a smile. “On your terms then.”
They kissed again, more deeply and more desperately, and then while they still had control of their actions they walked out of the bar hand in hand.
*yawn* Tired. Going to bed now.
I might look at this on the other side of the morning and decide I hate it, but that's the way things go.
__________________
This post may contain sarcasm. DeviantArt
Vaarsuvius looked up sharply, her attention straying from the last half inch of beer in her glass and focusing dimly on the human that had just sat down at the bar. "I do not believe I know you."
He chuckled, and gave a mock bow. "Nor I you. What is a lovely... elf like you doing in these parts?" He gestured around the small tavern.
"That is none of your concern." Vaarsuvius relied moodily, draining the last of the beer. "Bartender, I require a refilling of my beverage." The elf dug around in a robe pocket for a handful of coins, but the human go there first.
"Let me buy that for you." He said, and his even and very white teeth bared in dazzling smile as he placed a few coppers on the bar. Vaarsuvius observed him coldly.
"I am quite capable of paying for my own drinks. Please leave me alone."
“Ah, but a pretty-“ he paused, then took a gamble “…lady like yourself shouldn’t have to be alone.” He winked. “And that’s where I come in.”
Vaarsuvius leant away from the man, a slight pinkish tinge creeping across her face. But her expression was pure ice. “I will repeat this once more, and only once more: leave me alone.”
Julio Scoundrel simply sat back and watched the elf, seeming unconcerned by the rebuttal. The elf’s blush darkened a bit, and she hurriedly looked down, scowling into her drink. Julio merely smirked and tugged absent mindedly at his mustache.
“You seem upset about something. Penny for your thoughts?”
“I have already expressed my desire to be left alone. I do not wish to talk to you, human!” The elf stood up, meaning to storm out angrily, but the evenings drinking caught up with the elf and she stumbled, reaching out to grab the bar for support. Instead a firm hand caught her arm. She glared at the human, who simply stepped away and sat back down. The elf took a deep breath, trying to clear the alcohol-fuelled haze.
“Please stay. I simply wish for someone to talk to, and you appeared to be the most intelligible companion available.”
Warily, the elf sat back down, still frowning at the human. “That did not appear your intent when you first addressed me.”
He gave a light laugh, a pleasant sound which made the elf’s ears twitch. He was rather good-looking, she had to admit. He was handsome with a youthful face, but there were the tell-tale signs of age creeping up too; the elf’s sharp eyes picked out a few lighter strands of hair against the black, noted the faint lines at the corners of his eyes. The facial hair was rather off-putting, but then that was just one more aspect of humans the elf had never understood.
“Like what you see?”
The elf jumped “No, I… if you are going to be like that I will leave.”
“Apologies madam. It is simply a bad habit of mine to be so forward when talking to females.”
“That is evident.” The elf muttered, reluctantly picking up the glass of beer and taking a sip.
“So tell me, why is an elf such as yourself drinking in a back-street bar of a airship port?”
“I believe you already asked me that.”
“And I believe you didn’t answer.” He said, leaning forward on his elbows.
The elf sighed. “I am here following rumors of a potential source of arcane knowledge. It is nothing that would interest your type.”
“My ‘type’?”
“Those who bluff their way through life on a high Charisma, rather than utilizing logic and knowledge to make decisions.” The elf snapped.
“Hmm, that’s a pretty big accusation to make about someone you don’t know.” He tugged his mustache thoughtfully. “You think I’m, charismatic?”
“You are well aware of the fact, and undoubtedly use it to your benefit.”
He laughed. “Well, maybe I do. Although it doesn’t seem to be working for me recently.”
“I know what you want, and you would be better served looking elsewhere. Go and talk to someone else. Maybe someone with a higher Charisma score.”
Leaning further towards the elf, he rested a hand on his chin. “Why?”
The elf leant forward too, eyes burning. “Because you are obviously not really attracted to me! You are simply amusing yourself at my expense!”
The airship captain looked genuinely surprised. “I am not. You have already shown yourself to be intelligent and independent, both of which are traits I value highly. And besides, you belittle yourself; I do think you are pretty.”
“I doubt it.”
Without hesitation, the airship captain moved forward and kissed Vaarsuvius squarely on the lips. The elf’s eyes widened, but there was a moment’s pause before she pushed him away, breathing heavily. “Why did you do that?” The elf exclaimed, but the tone was more curious than angry.
“You want me.”
Vaarsuvius looked away irritably, the blush now reaching the tips of her ears. “Maybe. What of it?”
Julio raised an eyebrow. “Why are you so opposed to the idea? We’re both adults capable of making our own decisions.”
“And if I decided I did want to?”
He slipped an arm around her waist and kissed her again, and this time she didn’t push him away but cautiously leant into the kiss.
“I have a room rented at-“ He started, but she cut him off.
“I do too. I would prefer to go there.”
He inclined his head, mouth twitching into a smile. “On your terms then.”
They kissed again, more deeply and more desperately, and then while they still had control of their actions they walked out of the bar hand in hand.
*yawn* Tired. Going to bed now.
I might look at this on the other side of the morning and decide I hate it, but that's the way things go.
"Wuhh? Wha' happened?" Water-smurf was just waking up, and she had a severe hangover. She noticed a green blob in the corner of her over-blurry vision. "Huhh? Who's ther? who're yu? U look fumiliur..." she trailed off. even in her state, she could recognize the purple hair and light green skin of one of her favorite characters. "Tiusal? Izzat you? I thoug tha you were mayd up."
"Who are you?" Tiasal asked. "what are you doing her-" she was cut off as a potion popped out of the wall and promptly forced itself down her throat. A belt also popped out of the wall and clipped around her waist. there was a flash of light, and she changed genders. He looked at Water-smurf differently. "Would you like to make out?" He asked.
"Sure."
--------
Nine months later, Water-smurf had gained a lot of weight. She didn't know why, but one morning, she woke up, and there was a strange, purple-haired, tusked, creature, with green-blue skin and a white hat, on her bed. She screamed.
do you like it? I'll post it in the new thread too.
*Loves how people continue to post in the old thread, even after the new thread is here*
I don't think you portrayed Water-smurf accurately. Even under the effects of a love potion, I doubt she'd do that.
Also, Tiasal probably wouldn't either, but who knows.
*Loves how people continue to post in the old thread, even after the new thread is here*
I don't think you portrayed Water-smurf accurately. Even under the effects of a love potion, I doubt she'd do that.
Also, Tiasal probably wouldn't either, but who knows.
well, I wasn't quite sure how to portray either of them. Water-smurf was drunk, so I did my best with what I think that she would act like, but Tiasal? I was just going blindly.
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Thanks to Qwernt for the awesome avatar!!
Politics is the most accurate word in the English language. "Poli" in Latin meaning "Many" and
"tics" meaning "little insects"
I'm stuck with my nale x Julia. anyone got any tips to kamehmeha this writer's block? I got most of it figured out, I need a plot device better then what I have...(julia seducing nale to go free...)
I'm stuck with my nale x Julia. anyone got any tips to kamehmeha this writer's block? I got most of it figured out, I need a plot device better then what I have...(julia seducing nale to go free...)
Julia seducing Nale to go free, then when they're finished with their first torrid tangle, she goes back for seconds. With a whip.
Wow. A new thread already. We're now offically ahead of the OOTS fanservice in the art-thread. Now all we need to do is beat the non-OOTS fanservice thread comibined and we are really in great shape!
By the way, I think their needs to be a better organizing index system, Lira. Maybe put it in sections based on artists names and put them in spoilers like:
A-F
Spoiler
You get the idea.
G-L
Spoiler
And so on, and so forth
M-R
Spoiler
Why can't I stop this?
S-Z
Spoiler
Help! I'm being forced to continue against my will! Oh wait... I'm at the end of the alphabet. *Whew*
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Crack Pairings IV - You Can't Unread It
/snif
