Silly Message Board GamesA forum for any kind of quote games, continuing story games, "What would you do if?" games, or whatever anyone comes up with. Old threads will now expire after one month.
Even for the Sultan, it was not a place for him to go bang a dozen chicks. Or sheep, in this case.
In every culture and in every time, people with power have a tendency to use that power in a sexual way. There may be individual exceptions, but the tendency for all rulers is to translate their position of power into sexual promiscuity (along with other displays of their power). If you think Sultans were somehow immune to this tendency, you are confused.
Much as Croesus became known for an ostentatious display of gold, and the British royal family became known for an ostentatious display of gems, Ottoman Sultans became known for an ostentatious display of wealth in the form of women.
103. When making a character, I am not allowed to use more source books than (x+3)^2, where X is my character level.
104. There is a big difference between the threads "horribly broken material" and "sample character concepts".
105. I am allowed to give new players advice on how to build their character, provided it is no longer than 5 pages. A4, Size 12, double spaced, Times New Roman.
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"It doesn't matter how much you struggle or strive,
You'll never get out of life alive,
So please kill yourself and save this land,
And your last mission is to spread my command,"
Slightly adapted quote from X-Fusion, Please Kill Yourself
103. When making a character, I am not allowed to use more source books than (x+3)^2, where X is my character level.
104. There is a big difference between the threads "horribly broken material" and "sample character concepts".
Uhh... 103 is 16 sourcebooks for a level 1 character, and 25 for a level 2. Past that, there aren't even enough sorcebooks to possibly use in creating a character... (well, OK, maybe at level 3, but the only way a level 3 character can use 36 sourcebooks is if it's through being pun-pun or buying mundane gear from all those books. Maybe if you also picked entirely random spells from different books, too.)
106) I am not allowed to leave the table in the middle of a serious strategic discussion and then return to the table shouting "LEEEEEEROOOOOY JENNNNKIIIIIINSSS!" after which I charge into the dungeon/booby-trapped room/dragon's lair/Abyss.
"I dunno, you just gave me the image of a nerd flying slow motion over a coffee table towards another nerd, dual wielding massive books. It was awesome." -- Marriclay
Last edited by AslanCross : 02-17-2010 at 06:04 PM.
107) Littering the surrounding countryside with landmines is not a socially acceptable method of defending the small village from werewolves.
107b) Especially not when they're mines designed to propel themselves 4 feet into the air before detonating.
108) In fact, alchemical landmines other than blast discs in their entirety no longer exist.
109) Proffession (Demolitions expert) is not an actual skill.
110) I will not use alchemy to brew ADAM, EVE and magical plasmids from casters in order to make it possible for my level 3 swashbuckler to cast prismatic ray.
111) "Drop the hammer" is not an appropriate activation phrase for a magical device housing meteor swarm.
112) I will not take my leadership cohort tactics out of the SAS handbook.
113) Dirty bombs in built up areas are always in bad taste.
114) My swashbuckler cannot Frenzy and rage as a result of losing/damaging his fancy hat without taking the appropriate levels.
115) My character's family will take a higher status in his agenda than his hat.
116) Quoting Kaiser Soze and murdering my character's family is not acceptable, even if I describe my marriage as "Only in it for the trait point."
117) Alchemical fire cannot be injected into the king's bloodstream via my poison ring, EVER.
118) If my actions place me in the "Complete monster" cattagory, they are immediately vetoed.
119) I will not take ranks in perform as an excuse to have psychotic musical numbers.
120) Disintergrate and charm spells are not an effective alternative to social interaction, no matter what that article/book said.
Uhh... 103 is 16 sourcebooks for a level 1 character, and 25 for a level 2. Past that, there aren't even enough sorcebooks to possibly use in creating a character... (well, OK, maybe at level 3, but the only way a level 3 character can use 36 sourcebooks is if it's through being pun-pun or buying mundane gear from all those books. Maybe if you also picked entirely random spells from different books, too.)
I know. It was an exaggeration.
__________________
"It doesn't matter how much you struggle or strive,
You'll never get out of life alive,
So please kill yourself and save this land,
And your last mission is to spread my command,"
Slightly adapted quote from X-Fusion, Please Kill Yourself
In every culture and in every time, people with power have a tendency to use that power in a sexual way. There may be individual exceptions, but the tendency for all rulers is to translate their position of power into sexual promiscuity (along with other displays of their power). If you think Sultans were somehow immune to this tendency, you are confused.
Much as Croesus became known for an ostentatious display of gold, and the British royal family became known for an ostentatious display of gems, Ottoman Sultans became known for an ostentatious display of wealth in the form of women.
Well yeah I'm sure there were Sultans who were more sexual than others. But the harem in the ottoman royal context was not designed specifically as an outlet for the imperial sex machine and everyone who thinks so is emphatically wrong. :P
Actually, the ostentatious display of woman thing is a western construct, too, by the way. It runs counter to some very fundamental aspects of the culture, but it plays nicely into western conceptions of a misogynistic backward paternalistic and hyper-sexualized culture.
Will edit this to be OT. Just a sec. :P
127: I am not allowed to play a druid just so the Paladin can ride bears into combat without ranks in handle animal.
128: I am no longer allowed to start a subplot involving hunting for a dragon at the same time that I purchase a scroll of shivering touch unless I fully explain the implications of these acts to the DM beforehand.
129: When the enemy army is camped just across a narrow bridge which our ragtag command must dramatically defend against overwhelming odds until help arrives, it is in bad taste to dimension door the party into the command tent to assassinate the enemy commander.
130: Item 129 is especially inappropriate if both sides are honorable and I have just successfully convinced the enemy commander that we will settle the matter with a duel between himself and our commander tomorrow at dawn.
131: If the enemy army calls for reinforcements in response to our dirty tactics, I am not permitted to utilize any defense that involves sub-orbital kinetic energy weapons, even if I know all the requisite spells.
132: It is not permissible to place a permanent DC 40 maximized symbol of weakness on the 12th-level hexblade's shield to "improve party balance".
133: There is also no excuse for "forgetting" to exclude the party's annoying warlock from the symbol's effect.
134: I'm not allowed to play a paladin, when my character's class is rogue. Or wizard. Or any other class.
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Member of the Hinjo fan club. Go Hinjo!
"In Soviet Russia, the Darkness attacks you."
My friend's quote: "Rogues not only have a lot more skill points, but sneak attack is so good it hurts..."
Class variant:Fighter
Fun Stuff:Mushrooms
western conceptions of a misogynistic backward paternalistic and hyper-sexualized culture.
Why must we promote these Occidentalist claims about Westerners' conceptions?
The Ottomans had plenty of stories about various Sultans' paternalism and hypersexuality; no need to put this on Westerners. Heck, Sultans themselves started a lot of those stories on purpose. There's nothing wrong with talking about the splendor of the British Crown Jewels or the Ottoman Harems: they were designed to be an ostentatious display of wealth, and therefore if you are impressed you aren't being racist: you are just doing exactly what the owners wanted you to do.
OT: 151) I'm not allowed to cause cancer in laboratory mice.
150: I am not allowed to play an elf in Deadlands d20, even if the game system rules theoretically allow for it.
151: I am not allowed to name him Li Shang, even if I forgot that it was the guy from Mulan's name.
152: I am especially not allowed to sing I'll Make A Man Out Of You during the session should the former two occur.
(Yes, this happened, all of it.)
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Running: Heroes of the Feywild | Heroes of the Feywild wiki
Every time you spell Corellon wrong, Gruumsh gets excited and kills a kitten. Please, think of the kittens. Twitter | Google+ | AIM: iankunx | Skype: Nai.Calus | Y!IM: nai_calus
Currently playing:
157) As DM, I am not allowed to give players a photocopy of my ass when they ask where certain campaign ideas came from.
158) As DM, I am not allowed to base my entire campaign on a Shojo manga, especially when my group is composed entirely of men who consider themselves masculine.
159) Should 158 occur I am not to give players my copies of said Shojo manga when they ask where I got the idea for the campaign from because they loved it so much, and instead do 157 to spare their egos.
160) To make sure 158 never occurs again, my players must be given my campaign background/handout at least a week before the first session so they may search manga sites/forums for my "sources".
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Been there, fought that, died horribly.
Something fun and flavorful to get your DM throwing books at you: Katana Chucker
Why must we promote these Occidentalist claims about Westerners' conceptions?
The Ottomans had plenty of stories about various Sultans' paternalism and hypersexuality; no need to put this on Westerners. Heck, Sultans themselves started a lot of those stories on purpose. There's nothing wrong with talking about the splendor of the British Crown Jewels or the Ottoman Harems: they were designed to be an ostentatious display of wealth, and therefore if you are impressed you aren't being racist: you are just doing exactly what the owners wanted you to do.
That's fine. Sultan Suleyman the Magnificient had a huge headdress build by the Venetians that was designed to fit in to the western rulers' conceptions of him. He wore it on campaign to impress. Topkapi palace was built to impress. The Blue mosques were built to impress. I can't remember which one but one of them was built with the specific intention of being so impressive that it was even more impressive than Hagia Sophia, which was pretty darn impressive.
Turkish society today even plays upon notions of sexuality in the harem and the exotic otherness of the Sultanate when marketing to other Turks!.
The problem that I have is that people have this notion of the harem as collection of women whose existence serves the sexual pleasures of another. (Admittedly you can switch around the genders and this conception works for any pairing. But the male/female conception is the one I think of so I go with it). That was not the point of the harem. Thats not what the word means. Thats not what the men and women living in that context would have thought. Thats not what the western women who were allowed in to the Harem thought. Over the length of Ottoman history that was not the context within which the harem existed. It is a fabrication.
There are exceptions. I don't know of a Sultan who was excessively sexual but I'm sure there were some. I know that Suleyman fell so madly in love with a woman that he actually married her, which no Ottoman Sultan had done up to that point, and he presumably became monogamous to her. But I guess we can't know for sure.
161: I am not allowed to inflict madness on the party wizard and command him to destroy the rest of the party, because he is probably the only one who can.
162. I'm no longer allowed to play any character that could for any reason speak in a robotic monotone, regardless of what system we are playing in.
162b. The above rule now applies to NPCs I DM.
163. I am not allowed any character with a horse. If I have any other mount, I may not utter any of the following words in the same sentence: look, {mount's species}, amazing, lick, or raisins.
164. I am not allowed to purchase more gallons of lamp oil then my character weighs.
165. If somehow I come into possession of a vast quantities of lamp oil, I am not allowed to keep it in my halfling rogue's backpack.
166. Improved evasion doesn't work, even on a successful save, against a fireball striking you with 1000 gallons of oil in your halfling rogue's backpack.
167. Love's Pain is not an appropriate way to tell if your spouse is cheating on you.
168. Nor is it an effective method of checking to see if somebody is interested in you.
169. If it hits somebody else instead of yourself when cast on your beloved, as it inevitably will since you're clearly evil, you cannot refer to it as "thinning the competition."
170. I am not allowed to find clever loopholes allowing my penguin companion to have spells.
171. I am not allowed to use electrical spells into "water walls" to conduct the electricity into my foes.
172. I am not allowed to have highly toxic, radioactive, or any alkali metal in a material component pouch.
173. As a DM (Which I often am), I am not allowed to TOO heavily lace my campaigns with Mother 3 references.
174. To be a Stormcaster when there's already a Stormlord in the party.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Maximum Zersk
...I think that counts as your own Crowning Moment of Awesome, WP.
Thank you's:
Spoiler
Lovely avatar of an NPC in Camp Half-Blood of mine by Crimson Angel:
Thanks to Green Bean for my Spheal avatar.
Also thanks to VT for awarding me with a VT monster competition award.
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Last edited by waterpenguin43 : 02-17-2010 at 08:47 PM.
174. LG Paladin is not allowed to Coup de Grace sleeping enemies
175. Coup de Grace cannot be renamed Coup de Soup
176. Not allowed to collect random items such as curtains and a worthless shoe
137. I am not allowed to have the party members sign waivers releasing their bodies to me for 'spare parts' in lieu of paying for their grafts.
138. I am not allowed to have more Persistent spells than the party collectively has Hit Dice.
139. I am not allowed to have more punctuation than actual letters in any character name.
140. I am not allowed to attempt to deliberately disrupt the number count of a silly RPG ban-list and see if anyone falls for it/cooperates.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by GungHo, on Battletech
The Atlas is also goofy but it has that whole "Stay Puft Marshmallow Man" menacing smile thing going for it. The guy who drew that one up was obviously taken to the Nutcracker when he was a child... and he was screaming in terror the entire time.
Spoiler
Quote:
Originally Posted by Enterti, Cogidubnus
Glyphstone, out of all the playground I think you scare me the most...
Quote:
Originally Posted by Zombimode
Glyphstone, you are an evil person :D
Last edited by The_Glyphstone : 02-17-2010 at 09:41 PM.
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Re: 2000 things I'm not allowed to do in an RPG
Member of the Hinjo fan club. Go Hinjo!
