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2464: My character cannot see the future.
2465: No my character cannot have a talking cat, said cat cannot love fish, and yes you need to have an explanation for why the cat is talking
2466: My pacifistic healer is not allowed to put on a superhero costume and fight supervillains in a medieval setting.
2467: My former pacifistic healer-then-superhero, is then not allowed to become a metal rockstar in a medieval setting
2468: No, my character cannot have a half-orc girlfriend who everyone keeps saying is ugly because of the fangs on her lower jaw
2469: said half-orc girlfriend is not allowed to be the center of any prophecy or story, ever.
2470: Assuming that I am ever allowed to make a character that can see the future, he will use his powers responsibly and not manipulate everyone like puppets.
2471: My character can never again get a free vacation just because they decided to overreact for no reason
2472: however the future-seeing character can get punched in the balls whenever it is deemed necessary, and such things are unfortunately always necessary
2473: No making my paladin character completely and totally evil for no reason just because I'm playing him ironically and want people to disagree with him
2474: My character's concept can NEVER be "heroic rapist" Ever.
2475: Furthermore as a DM, I am never ever allowed to run a long campaign through wastes populated by herbivorous orcs, ever again.
Obviously not mine, can you guess who REALLY did these stupid things?
2477. As DM, I am no longer allowed to use Half-Fiend Great Wyrm Red dragons for anything
2478. Or any other half-fiend chromatic dragon for that matter
2479. I will not create a weapon of pure evil capable of wiping out civilization, and then give it to the psychopathic ogre.
__________________
Happiness is the most insidious prison of all.
-Alan Moore
Vemrya, The Knight
Ognya, The Mage, Wielder of Fire
2481: I cannot create a character with ancestry from more than four different species.
2482: Creating a diversion to hide doesn't consist of shouting whether or not Balrogs have wings, either.
2483: My bard cannot know "Never Gonna Give You Up" under any circumstances.
__________________
When in doubt, use cute little dragons.
2484: I may not metagame.
2485: my character also cannot metagame
2486: my characters cohort,followers,familiars mounts or anything I might control cannot metagame
2487: my character is not the one, he cannot realise reality is a lie
2488: my character cannot kill the DM, thus becoming the new DM
2489: neither may I
__________________
Sorry for my absence, but had a creative block for the past while.
2490: My character may not arrange another player's character's death so that he can hook up with the grieving widow.
2491: I may not describe my (non-good) character's interrogation techniques at the table. Especially if food is present.
2492: I may never utter the words, "There's only one thing to do in a situation like this: strut!"
2492a: Nor may I convince the bard to play what I consider an appropriate soundtrack for said strutting.
2493: If my horror campaign makes my players question their sanity, I may be taking things too far.
__________________
Delightfully abrasive in more ways than one
Spoiler
Quote:
Originally Posted by Recaiden
This is Demon King Mangosta talking. Of course he's harsh.
2497: As the DM: I may not have a mission that required the annihilation of a cult of the cult are worshipers of Medium or smaller Equine creatures and/or Deitys if my group of players have one or more bronies and/or peagasisters.
2498: If I break 2497, I will not be surprised if the Bronie/Peagasister members attack and kill some/all the other party in defense of the cult.
2499: If I break 2497 and the entire rest of the group of players are bronies/Peagasisters, I will not be surprised if they all elect to join the cult as a group.
2500: Nor will I do ANYTHING to try to force them back on the originally intended plot rail!
2501. If the players actions call my sanity into question, I am not allowed to teleport them to the Elemental plane of pain.
2502. There is no elemental plane of pain.
__________________
Happiness is the most insidious prison of all.
-Alan Moore
Vemrya, The Knight
Ognya, The Mage, Wielder of Fire
2503: There is no Plane of Antimagic, and even if there is, no interplanar travel spells can transport things to or from there.
2504: I can no longer tickle opponents while grappling.
2505: Dwarves do not have weapon proficiency with magma.
2506: I do not get a bonus to hit just because I feel like it.
__________________
When in doubt, use cute little dragons.
2497: As the DM: I may not have a mission that required the annihilation of a cult of the cult are worshipers of Medium or smaller Equine creatures and/or Deitys if my group of players have one or more bronies and/or peagasisters.
2498: If I break 2497, I will not be surprised if the Bronie/Peagasister members attack and kill some/all the other party in defense of the cult.
2499: If I break 2497 and the entire rest of the group of players are bronies/Peagasisters, I will not be surprised if they all elect to join the cult as a group.
2500: Nor will I do ANYTHING to try to force them back on the originally intended plot rail!
2507: As DM, I am not allowed to create the above situation on purpose just so I can watch the confused/sad/horrified/betrayed looks on the player's faces as the cult traps and attacks them anyway and they are forced to either defend themselves or roll up new characters
2508: As DM, the villain's sole motivation cannot be that he likes stories of epic heroes, and knowing that heroes are defined by the villains they face he becomes a villain just to see the kinds of epic heroes that rise to challenge him.
2509: As DM, I am not allowed to have there be (negative) consequences for the PC's actions.
2510: As DM, any information the players don't know about can't be used against them, otherwise I am obviously pulling a Diabolus Ex Machina.
2510a: If the players "didn't expect that to happen" then I obviously just made it up on the spot only to power trip and take them down.
2510b: Even if I have campaign notes that are months old to prove I wasn't making it up.
__________________
Been there, fought that, died horribly.
Something fun and flavorful to get your DM throwing books at you: Katana Chucker
2508: As DM, the villain's sole motivation cannot be that he likes stories of epic heroes, and knowing that heroes are defined by the villains they face he becomes a villain just to see the kinds of epic heroes that rise to challenge him.
2510: As DM, any information the players don't know about can't be used against them, otherwise I am obviously pulling a Diabolus Ex Machina.
2510a: If the players "didn't expect that to happen" then I obviously just made it up on the spot only to power trip and take them down.
2510b: Even if I have campaign notes that are months old to prove I wasn't making it up.
2511: AS DM I cannot stat up general tarquin
2512: neither can I write up deliberately vague plot twists months in advance just to pull them on my players just when they weren't expecting it.
2513: I may not DM a horror campaign ever again(this is actually a rule in real life)
2514: I may not co-host a horror campaign
2515: i am not allowed near any horror material at all.
__________________
Sorry for my absence, but had a creative block for the past while.
2516: Even if paladins are the only character class required to be good, it is not meant as an invitation for other characters to be evil.
2517: My wizard cannot take the flaw "Fanatical Disbeliever in the Supernatural" under any circumstances.
2518: There is an upper limit to how many ailment flaws I can give a character just to improve their spellcasting abilities.
2519: I cannot kill any more monsters with Rube Goldberg devices, no matter how fun it is.
2520: My weapon's range cannot be in light-years.
__________________
When in doubt, use cute little dragons.
2521. As DM, I am not allowed to metagame.
2522. I cannot make allusions that the average college student would not get.
2523. Especially if those allusions are the answers to the riddles that will prevent the elemental plane of fire from exploding.
__________________
Happiness is the most insidious prison of all.
-Alan Moore
Vemrya, The Knight
Ognya, The Mage, Wielder of Fire
2524: The Dm may not play Dead Island right before plotting out a quest. Particularly if his quest already involved a mysterious plague before he started playing Dead Island.
2526: I may not create a hombrew class of Defense Attorney, and then name my character Phoenix Wright.
2527: I may not use Phoenix Wright quotations in game.
2528: Make that out of game as well...
2529: As a DM I may not pit my players against a horde of creepers from Minecraft, especially after letting them find some really good treasure.
__________________
Love shows itself more in adversity than in prosperity; as light does, which shines most where the place is darkest. ~Leonardo Da Vinci Active Characters:
2530: Shopkeepers are not automatically Level 50.
2531: Ice fairies are not stronger than any other character races.
2532: I cannot use time-manipulation powers to skip ahead to when I'm a higher-level character.
2533: Clubs don't cost anything, but that doesn't mean I can conjure an infinite number out of thin air, either.
2534: Creatures do not get attack bonuses for being adorable.
2535: My weapon or ammunition cannot be alive at any point during its use.
__________________
When in doubt, use cute little dragons.
I'm gonna be against the flow here and say outlined.
What? Everyone else are against the flow too, okay?
Quote:
Originally Posted by The Glyphstone
In the grim statistics of the far future, there is only math.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kneenibble
Most Hilarious Murderer in the Playground. Both his episodes of hysterically ending my life left me chuckling even hours later when I thought about them.
2538 I may not have 2 8Kg U233 golems charge at each other
2539 I may not craft a 10Kg slug then accelerate it to 2% of light-speed...
2540 in fact while i'm at it no using physics to kill things
2538 I may not have 2 8Kg U233 golems charge at each other
2539 I may not craft a 10Kg slug then accelerate it to 2% of light-speed...
2540 in fact while i'm at it no using physics to kill things
2541: If anyone in the party uses physics to 1-shot what was supposed to be a difficult boss encounter, we are not allowed to whine when the DM uses physics to TPK the party.
2541a: Especially if everyone agreed that as soon as the players pull out some game-breaking cheese or physics it becomes fair game for the DM to do it too.
2541b: This also applies to the argument "I know the game rules say <x>, but realistically that would not be possible..."
__________________
Been there, fought that, died horribly.
Something fun and flavorful to get your DM throwing books at you: Katana Chucker
2542: No adding extra digits to my character level unless they're zeroes at the beginning.
2543: No character class has weapon proficiency with clocks.
2544: The party meat shield is not the character we could get the most money from selling the equipment of.
2545: I do not get bonus experience if I'm the only member of the party with any moral standards.
2546: Lances are not an essential weapon for the second-in-command.
__________________
When in doubt, use cute little dragons.
2547: No matter where we are, I cannot randomly scream 'THIS. IS. [Insert place here]!!!' whenever anyone mentions madness.
2548: I may not make a child character with an intelligence of 30 who has a tiger familiar.
2548b: ESPECIALLY if I name him 'Calvin'.
2549: Any puns that cause the DM to pop an aspirin will get me beaten with a 'Humor for Dummies' book.
2550: If our characters are trying to save the world, my character's motivation cannot be 'for the lulz'.
2551: No matter how powerful I am, I cannot make the God of Evil put on a tutu and dance in front of a cleric of said diety.
2552: Death is not permanent, but I am not allowed to have my inventory consist entirely of scrolls of resurrection.
2552b: Particularly if my intention is to get my fellow players killed enough to where, when we finalyl meet the boss, they're all level 2 and i'm level 14.
2553: I may not custom-make a spell called 'insurrection' to form a rebel army just because the current Empire cheesed me off.
2554: I cannot cause catastrophic events that kill everyone just for the sake of a reference or a pun.
2555: There are no such thing as mole people, and they cannot shoot laser beams from their eyes.
2556: I cannot communicate using a language I don't speak simply by imitating the voice of the person i'm speaking to and making funny faces. No matter what my bluff is.
__________________
"Don't mess around with elves. You can't argue with them and they always have a fireball up their sleeve. Or maybe a pegasus. With...like...crossbow machine guns on it or something." -Anonymous
Sadly, I have forgotten who made this avatar. But whoever it was, good show!
I'm gonna be against the flow here and say outlined.
What? Everyone else are against the flow too, okay?
Quote:
Originally Posted by The Glyphstone
In the grim statistics of the far future, there is only math.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kneenibble
Most Hilarious Murderer in the Playground. Both his episodes of hysterically ending my life left me chuckling even hours later when I thought about them.
2560: Finding "The world's closest shave" is not a valid character motive, especially for a dwarf.
2561: If I say that my rogue will "steal the Princess' heart" I must state if I mean that figuratively or literally. Either way, my Sleight of Hand skill will never be high enough to steal an internal organ without its owner knowing.
2562: My Drunken Master may use improvised weapons. Dire sharks do not count as improvised weapons, especially if I intend to dual wield them.
2563: Morray eels cannot be used as improvised whips.
2564: Flirting with barmaids is expected. Flirting with the Queen is pushing it. Flirting with beholders is just plain wrong.
2565: No matter how adorable I think she is, and no matter how innocent my intentions are, I may not pick up Jaela Daran and give her a hug. She's the pope of an entire religion and I must show respect.
__________________
Just call me Diego. Mr. Havoc was my father.
Quote:
Originally Posted by SiuiS
Diego Havoc, one of the hoopier froods I've met, up there with DeLancie.
2565: No matter how adorable I think she is, and no matter how innocent my intentions are, I may not pick up Jaela Daran and give her a hug. She's the pope of an entire religion and I must show respect.
Um, is that the child who when she's in the Sanctome of the Silver Flame in Eberron or what ever it's called is treated as like an 18th lvl cleric?
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Re: 2000 things I'm not allowed to do in an RPG
