Silly Message Board GamesA forum for any kind of quote games, continuing story games, "What would you do if?" games, or whatever anyone comes up with. Old threads will now expire after one month.
This isn't the thread in Roleplaying Games. Use numbers, not asterisks.
2643. The solution is not to build a tank.
2645. If 2643 is broken, I may not use it to hunt elves for pieces of a spell tattooed across their bodies.
2646. I may not grant said tank sentience.
2647. I may not acquire a bunch of Devices of Kwalish at a steep discount, since no one wants them, and start a Crab Battle Arena to please the common folk.
2648. The DM will be displeased if I crit and one shot her supposedly challenging monster that was supposed to be something to give trouble to the entire party.
2648a. The DM does not appreciate having pointed out that it lacked knowledge of guns and that it flew exactly into my range, making it a ripe target.
__________________
Rule of Cool Contributor and Goon
2649: I'm not allowed to be pedantic about what people call magic items.
2650: I cannot consider neutral characters to be worse than evil characters.
2651: Paladins that plunge off cliffs or the like do not automatically lose their powers.
__________________
When in doubt, use cute little dragons.
2651: Paladins that plunge off cliffs or the like do not automatically lose their powers.
2561a: Same Goes for all Angel's and divine Classes.
2561b: Same goes for the reverse for evil and hellish classes, in such that a Infernal Warlock cannot reverse the falling off a cliff by flying up a cliff and thus earn redemption, even if he isn't currently bound by a pact.
2562: No matter how funny or how evil, evil characters cannot through angels off cliffs after clipping their wings, especially while saying 'I hope you enjoy your fall without grace, from grace.'
2562b: Especially if the area we are in is called grace for some innane region, and changing that sentance to make it marginally less funny because the angel is called grace, will get me smote, by an evil god. Because not even Bane would put up with my humor for an evil act.
To avoid harming the sanity of the DM I can no longer:
* Cast flesh to stone on a annoying Druid
** Cast Rock to mud on a Druid statue
*** Scoop mud into little ceramic pots
**** Plant tree's in individual ceramic pots
***** Claim that I have helped them become one with nature
2563: I am not allowed to justify being a rules lawyer by saying "well, the rest of the group can't be bothered to even learn the rules regarding their own characters, so if *I* don't learn their rules for them, we will spend over half of each session just looking through rules..."
__________________
Been there, fought that, died horribly.
Something fun and flavorful to get your DM throwing books at you: Katana Chucker
2563: I am not allowed to justify being a rules lawyer by saying "well, the rest of the group can't be bothered to even learn the rules regarding their own characters, so if *I* don't learn their rules for them, we will spend over half of each session just looking through rules..."
2563a: I'm not allowed to justify being a rules lawyer by applying a similar argument to the DM.
2564: I'm no longer allowed to use called shots to shoot arrows into the knees of enemies.
2564a: I'm not allowed to reference Skyrim or related memes ever again.
2565: No more reassuring NPC's that we won't kill them by telling them we could have killed them at any time.
2565a: "But I only have 7 charisma" is not a good justification for doing so.
2566: My full caster should not be able to take a sneak attack for half his health, and then turn around and kill the rogue who dealt it without even casting a spell.
__________________
Tired soldier avatar by the excellent TinyMushroom.
You should probably look for some white text in my posts. I'm sneaky like that.
2567: I do not get experience points for saying witty one-liners after killing someone.
2568: There is no character class that gives me the ability to wield six blades at once.
2569: Pinkie Pie is not a character class.
2571: I may not use time magic just to screw with people.
2570: If our campaign is set in the Dark Ages, I'm not allowed to find a light switch.
2572: I may not cast spells or wield weapons out-of-character.
__________________
When in doubt, use cute little dragons.
2573. I must not make a Half-Fiend Cleric, make it into a Lich asap and take over the world with undead minions of doom.
2573a. Not even if I bribe the DM with cookies.
2573b. Or delicious delicious cake.
__________________
Known as Darth Equine in LGBTitP
Quote:
Originally Posted by Elemental
Ahh Kyth'ra... A knight of such honour and virtue, not to mention suppressed homicidal rage.
2577*: When the party's NPC commander says "Don't kill anyone you don't have to", it is not a challenge to see how many creative justifications I can find for slaughtering anyone who gets in my way.
2578: I'm no longer allowed access to Improved Critical, especially in conjunction with any weapon with a base critical range of 18-20.
2579: "Sleep with [insert female PC's name]" is not an appropriate motivation for becoming an adventurer, nor for joining the party.
2580: Polymorph Any Object cannot create anti-matter.
2581: I'm no longer allowed to complain about racist NPC's when I knew they would be prejudiced against me from the start.
*We got a little out of order.
__________________
Tired soldier avatar by the excellent TinyMushroom.
You should probably look for some white text in my posts. I'm sneaky like that.
2582: I may not use Greater Mighty Wallop + a Great Hammer of any Variety + Disciple of disputer + Improved Crit to have Colossal base damage, a x4 Crit multiplier, and an 8-20 threat range.
2583: Nor may my Warblade have both Raging Mongoose and Time Stands Still if he duel wields Scimitars that have the Vorporal and Speed property's and has Improved Crit and levels in Disciple of Disputer to threaten a crit on any attack roll that hits.
2584: Doing so when the DM has already ruled that Vorporal goes off on a Crit and not on a nat 20 is right out.
2585: The AC bonuses from dual-wielding buckler shields do not stack.
2586: I cannot have any character whom even I don't know the alignment of.
2587: Harvesting the kidneys of fellow PCs is not permitted, especially if they're still alive at the time.
2588: No character or creature may be in the party simply because they're cute.
__________________
When in doubt, use cute little dragons.
2590: I am no longer allowed to use quotes from the Blues Brothers movie. Most particularly I am not allowed to use "Your women. I want to buy your women. The little girl, your daughters... sell them to me. Sell me your children! "
2592. Casting explosive runes upon a plot relevant item/scroll/etc that must be read, is right out.
2592a. Using explosive runes in a LotR campaign is right out, despite the hilairty it would cause.
Last edited by Wookieetank : 02-06-2012 at 09:17 AM.
2593: I may not under any circumstances, start a campaign on the elemental plane of fire, no matter what I give the party to make them immune to fire damage.
__________________
~~Courage is not the lack of fear~~
Quote:
Originally Posted by gooddragon1
If the party wizard can't survive a supersonic dragon made of iron at epic levels it's his own fault really.
This is the thief who likes to hoard,
That loves the bard with the puppet Lord
That admires the fighter with the green-hilted sword,
That employs the Wizard, whose bird is ignored,
That has the gender unexplored
That intrigues the Halfling, usually bored,
That slew a mountain of the goblin horde,
That follows the cleric,
That serves the lich,
That seeks the gate,
That guards the snarl,
That lives in the prison the gods built.
2594a. Nor is it a suitable replacement to diplomacy.
2594b. It is also not the universal greeting method.
2594c. When in doubt the solution/answer is not more Fireballs.
I'm gonna be against the flow here and say outlined.
What? Everyone else are against the flow too, okay?
Quote:
Originally Posted by The Glyphstone
In the grim statistics of the far future, there is only math.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kneenibble
Most Hilarious Murderer in the Playground. Both his episodes of hysterically ending my life left me chuckling even hours later when I thought about them.
2595: I may not have the other players name all of their characters "Spartacus".
2596: My character cannot have more than one power related to breaking reality.
2597: I cannot play any character race, class, or combination that I can pun about.
2598: Using big, flashy abilities to accomplish relatively simple tasks just because it's cooler is not approved of.
__________________
When in doubt, use cute little dragons.
2599: When asked what I have to say, "I sing a merry tune" is not an acceptable answer.
2599a: Especially at a funeral.
2599b: Doubly so if I'm not a bard.
2599c: Triply so if I'm the cleric laying the person to rest.
2600: Even if I am, in fact, trapped in a box, singing Man in the Box will get something heavy thrown at me.
__________________
Tired soldier avatar by the excellent TinyMushroom.
You should probably look for some white text in my posts. I'm sneaky like that.
2603: If my character has the ability to teleport at will, I am not allowed to go years (in real life and game time) before I first use that power.
2603a: Especially if the DM forgot about that power and it ruined what was supposed to be an unwinable encounter.
2603b: "I was saving it for when I really needed it" is not a legitimate excuse for an at-will ability.
__________________
Been there, fought that, died horribly.
Something fun and flavorful to get your DM throwing books at you: Katana Chucker
2604: Even with a lousy Charisma score, I cannot make enemies take damage just from looking at me.
2605: Optimally, my half-orc character shouldn't have a higher Intelligence score than the rest of the party.
2606: My character's name cannot be a pun on my own in any way.
2607: I'm not permitted to put all my points into the Use Rope skill.
__________________
When in doubt, use cute little dragons.
RSS Feeds: 
Re: 2000 things I'm not allowed to do in an RPG
