Silly Message Board GamesA forum for any kind of quote games, continuing story games, "What would you do if?" games, or whatever anyone comes up with. Old threads will now expire after one month.
2597: I cannot play any character race, class, or combination that I can pun about.
2597b: This effectively means I cannot play anything but a human commoner ever again.
2608: My human commoner cannot be named Dave.
2609: My human commoner cannot be more powerful than the rest of the party combined.
2610: Not even in a low-magic setting.
__________________
"Don't mess around with elves. You can't argue with them and they always have a fireball up their sleeve. Or maybe a pegasus. With...like...crossbow machine guns on it or something." -Anonymous
Sadly, I have forgotten who made this avatar. But whoever it was, good show!
2605: Optimally, my half-orc character shouldn't have a higher Intelligence score than the rest of the party.
2605b. Neither can the Thri-Kreen as the party melee beast.
2611. I can't force the party leader to be named Jim so my cleric can quote Dr. McCoy.
2612. I may not name my gun Diplomacy and offer to try it if the rest of the party is ignorant of the first fact.
2613. I can't use any character ideas based off of my cat.
__________________
Rule of Cool Contributor and Goon
2616: I cannot use bardic music abilities with Perform (Act) or Perform (Dance), regardless of what the rules say.
2617: I may not buy a longship just because I have a lot of gold to spend and I feel like it.
2618: Underage humans do not automatically know Halfling.
2619: Every ability score must have someone in the party not using it for a dump stat.
2620: Using siege equipment in melee is not permitted.
__________________
When in doubt, use cute little dragons.
2614. I'm not allowed to name a character Marty Stu.
2614a. Not even in a troll-heavy campaign.
Thanks, my monitor needed to be cleaned anyway.
2621: When someone at the table complains about how immature I am, I am not allowed to view that as a challenge to show said person what true immaturity is.
2622: When someone at the table is offended by anything that happens, my fault or otherwise, the proper response is not to say "well put on your big girl panties and deal with it."
2622a: Even if the entire rest of the group agrees with me.
2623: My character is not allowed to challenge anyone to a douche-off.
__________________
Been there, fought that, died horribly.
Something fun and flavorful to get your DM throwing books at you: Katana Chucker
2625: Random word generators are not good sources of adjectives to base a character on.
2626: A single fighter NPC should not be able to take on four PC's and expect to survive and/or slaughter them all.
2627: Cursed items should not be the object of retrieval missions if I know my players will likely run off with unknown magic items.
2627a: Especially if one is a dagger that will kill both the one stabbed and the one wielding it.
__________________
Tired soldier avatar by the excellent TinyMushroom.
You should probably look for some white text in my posts. I'm sneaky like that.
2628: No laser I possess may be larger than I am.
2629: Invisibility and teleportation spells are to be cast on fellow adventurers, not fellow adventurers' clothes.
2630: "Surrounded By Idiots" is not a character flaw, or at least isn't for the character with it.
2631: The point of multiclassing is not to see how many different classes you can play at one time.
__________________
When in doubt, use cute little dragons.
2625: Random word generators are not good sources of adjectives to base a character on.
2625a. Drawing a randomly determined number of green cards from apples to apples is also not allowed as a way to create a character.
2632. I'm no allowed to use :http://wiki.white-wolf.com/exalted/i..._do_in_Exalted as inspiration for things to do.
2632a. In fact any list detailing things that shouldn't be done, is not to be taken as a list of achievements to be accomplished.
2633: I am not a merdusa, were-aboleth or half-farspawn half-dragon halfling.
__________________
Cthulhu fhtagn R'lyeh!
If you understood the above, click here.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Nerd-o-rama
There were other programs that were deleted, but they either go quietly or spend the rest of their existence sitting around babbling about causality. Smith's different. He gets deleted and he's like "Hell no, I'm staying. And I'll steal your kernel privileges and spam copies of myself onto every last thing on the hard disk. How d'you like that?"
2634: Using Baleful Polymorph to turn someone into farm animals and perform their normal role upon that farm as a form of punishment is now forbidden.
2634a: I am not allowed to Baleful Polymorph some bandit into a Cow, followed by milking them, nor am I allowed to turn someone into a sheep and sheer them, nor am I allowed to turn someone into a hen and force them to lay eggs for several days.
Corrollery: Turning someone into a Mule and having them perform a day or two of labor is potentially acceptable, on a case by case basis, depending on the degree of transgression.
__________________
~~Courage is not the lack of fear~~
Quote:
Originally Posted by gooddragon1
If the party wizard can't survive a supersonic dragon made of iron at epic levels it's his own fault really.
2635: My healer cannot take advantage of the Geneva Convention.
2636: I'm forbidden from playing a Shinto shrine maiden with levels in paladin, especially if she's Lawful Stupid.
2637: My character's name mustn't be longer than the entire rest of the character sheet.
__________________
When in doubt, use cute little dragons.
2638. I can't cut out the eyes of people we meet along the road. 2638a. Even if they are evil. 2638b. Even if I allow them to see again by using Remove Blindness. 2638c. Especially if I taunt them about the fact they can see without their eyes.
__________________ My Homebrew (180+ and still counting)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Crasical
I once had a DM shoot down my wizard with an octopus familiar idea when I pointed out the ink loophole and declared my intention to escape bad situations by holding my pet above my head and shouting "BEHOLD, THE OCTOPUS!" before disappearing in a cloud of chemical darkness.
2639: a naga/drider/aboleth is not even possible, much less playable.
__________________
Cthulhu fhtagn R'lyeh!
If you understood the above, click here.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Nerd-o-rama
There were other programs that were deleted, but they either go quietly or spend the rest of their existence sitting around babbling about causality. Smith's different. He gets deleted and he's like "Hell no, I'm staying. And I'll steal your kernel privileges and spam copies of myself onto every last thing on the hard disk. How d'you like that?"
2640: Friend Computer is not a pony fan.
2641: When rescuing fellow PCs from terrible fates, I'm not supposed to wait for the last possible moment just because it's more dramatic.
2642: No participating in contests to make the DM facepalm the hardest.
2643: I may not use mind-affecting magic on the party leader just because I disagree with their latest decision.
__________________
When in doubt, use cute little dragons.
2644. No, I can't use the Gemstone of Surface Thoughts to unnerve my opponents in negotiations.
2645. No, I can't use the Gemstone of Surface Thoughts to learn what the girls think of me.
2646. No, I can't use the Gemstone of Surface Thoughts on Malfeas and gather anything useful without making a DC 50 Conviction+Integrity check to resist going insane.
2647. That's it, no more Gemstones of Surface Thoughts!
2648: I cannot convert Demogorgon to Lawful Good.
2649: Curing the wounds of Asmodeus is not a good thing.
2650: Good PCs may not own a Cauldron of Zombie Spewing, an Angelkilling sword or a Rack of Irresistable Torture.
2650b: Not even if you find evidence that they were based on a mythical hero. Mythical heroes were *******s.
__________________
Cthulhu fhtagn R'lyeh!
If you understood the above, click here.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Nerd-o-rama
There were other programs that were deleted, but they either go quietly or spend the rest of their existence sitting around babbling about causality. Smith's different. He gets deleted and he's like "Hell no, I'm staying. And I'll steal your kernel privileges and spam copies of myself onto every last thing on the hard disk. How d'you like that?"
2641: When rescuing fellow PCs from terrible fates, I'm not supposed to wait for the last possible moment just because it's more dramatic.
2651: When fellow PC's are about to suffer terrible fates and it is in my power to stop it, I am not allowed to just watch it happen.
2651a: Especially if I am also pointing and laughing.
2651b: Even if they were chaotic stupid and deserved it, and ignored all my previous warnings.
2652: In Exalted, I am no longer allowed to take the Deliberate Cruelty virtue flaw.
2652a: Especially when combined with the 5-point Greater Curse flaw.
2652b: Especially when I go out of my way to limit break.
2652c: ESPECIALLY if I am using all of the above as a legitimate excuse to play a sadistic character in a "good" party.
2652d: Even if the party is otherwise letting their so-called morality get in the way of saving the world...
2653: Offering myself up to be the host to an all-powerful, world-destroying demon in place of the hostage that would have been used for said purpose is not considered "taking one for the team".
2653a: Especially if doing so makes it even easier for the villain to summon said demon.
2653b: Especially if the quest was to stop the summoning, NOT save the hostage.
2653c: Even if it was completely in character.
2654: If the rest of the party gets sick of me constantly pointing out when they are breaking the rules, I am not allowed to stay silent when their characters die entirely due to a rule being broken.
2655: There is no such thing as a legitimate excuse for being a douche.
__________________
Been there, fought that, died horribly.
Something fun and flavorful to get your DM throwing books at you: Katana Chucker
2657: If I tell the royal guards that I am an assassin looking to kill the king, simply because he refused to see us, I cannot object when the other players beat me. Or when the DM throws a book at me.
__________________
Tired soldier avatar by the excellent TinyMushroom.
You should probably look for some white text in my posts. I'm sneaky like that.
2658: Using repeated hasting spells will not turn the blue dragon into a red dragon.
2659: I may not cast Glitterdust anywhere near a vampire under any circumstances.
2660: I cannot wield any kind of atmospheric reentry weapon.
__________________
When in doubt, use cute little dragons.
2661: Moving to the other side of the blue dragon won't turn it into a red dragon either.
2662: The milk of human kindness does not give a Sense Motive bonus.
2662b: It doesn't allow you to cast Charm Person, either.
2663: There are no special rules for cannibalism.
__________________
Cthulhu fhtagn R'lyeh!
If you understood the above, click here.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Nerd-o-rama
There were other programs that were deleted, but they either go quietly or spend the rest of their existence sitting around babbling about causality. Smith's different. He gets deleted and he's like "Hell no, I'm staying. And I'll steal your kernel privileges and spam copies of myself onto every last thing on the hard disk. How d'you like that?"
2657: If I tell the royal guards that I am an assassin looking to kill the king, simply because he refused to see us, I cannot object when the other players beat me. Or when the DM throws a book at me.
2657a: Nor can I whine if the other PCs proceed to help the guards kill me in order to salvage their own reputation.
2664: Having the group record for most character deaths in one session is not something to be proud of.
2664a: Even if it was entirely the fault of the dice.
__________________
Been there, fought that, died horribly.
Something fun and flavorful to get your DM throwing books at you: Katana Chucker
2665: Slapping the farmer who asked us to save his daughter, who had been kidnapped, is not acceptable.
2665a: Not even if my DM has thrown that plot hook at us a dozen times.
2665b: If he slaps back, it's not license to kill him "in self-defense".
2666: If I am playing a bard, none of my performances may start with "Now you all know, the bards and their songs..."
2666a: Similarly, if there is some sort of protector, who happens to be unable to see, there is a rather large list of songs I may not begin singing upon meeting said him/her/it.
__________________
Tired soldier avatar by the excellent TinyMushroom.
You should probably look for some white text in my posts. I'm sneaky like that.
2667: I will not sing vulgar pub songs for the Queen.
__________________
Cthulhu fhtagn R'lyeh!
If you understood the above, click here.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Nerd-o-rama
There were other programs that were deleted, but they either go quietly or spend the rest of their existence sitting around babbling about causality. Smith's different. He gets deleted and he's like "Hell no, I'm staying. And I'll steal your kernel privileges and spam copies of myself onto every last thing on the hard disk. How d'you like that?"
2668. The Mask of Winters does not call renegade abyssals "rebel scum" and/or "traitors to the Empire"
2668a. The First and Forsaken Lion does not call renegade abyssals "rebel scum" and/or "traitors to the Empire"
2669. The FaFL is not my father
2669a. The Mask of Winters is not my father
2669b. I may not name my character Skywalker
2670. No keychains
2670a. Or keyblades
2671. The Lover Clad in Raiment Tears seduces the heroes, not the other way around
2671a. Even if she is unbelievably sexy
2671b. Especially if she is unbelievably sexy
2672. Just because I (the hero) rescued the Scarlet Empress (the girl) from the Ebon Dragon (the dragon, duh) doesn't mean I get to lay her
2672a. Even if her beauty is outmatched only by The Lover Clad in Raiment Tears and a couple others in the entirety of existence
2672b. ESPECIALLY if her beauty is outmatched only by The Lover Clad in Raiment Tears and a couple others in the entirety of existence
2672c. I might've been able to, if I didn't tell the ST that was the only reason I rescued her
2673. If we're flying in a first age flying machine and we get knocked off course and start heading towards the sun, I may not peer closely and say "that's no sun, that's a space station"
2673a. Or a battle station
2673b. Even though it is
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Re: 2000 things I'm not allowed to do in an RPG
By Aruius.
