2675. My Infernal martial artist does not have dark red skin, does not have hair the color of white-gray ash, and does not have glowing white eyes.
2675a. Even if Asura is a dead ringer for a Slayer with Malfeas charms.
2678. "For pony" is not a valid explaination for my motivations to do anything.
2678a. Even if I am playing a Richard expy.
2678b. Or a warlock in general.
2679. When rescuing any person of importance from a dungeon, bandit camp, etc. I'm not allowed to leave to leave them there if they're annoying beyond belief.
2679a. Even if they totally deserve it.
2679b. Especially if I have the bluff/diplomacy skill to lie to the quest giver that the person was found dead upon our arrival.
2680: "Chaotic Lawful" is not an alignment.
2681: I cannot have weapon proficiency with white flags.
2682: My fighter cannot be specialized in cutting other people's clothes off.
2683: The smartest member of the party optimally should not be a familiar or paladin mount, and definitely should not be an animal companion.
When in doubt, use cute little dragons.
2684: I am not alowed to refer to myself as ''neutral good'' in-game.
2684a:Especially if i am chaotic evil.
2685: I cannot have ranks in knowledge (game mechanics).
2686: My wizard cannot use his craft (magic artifact) to create a copy of the monster manual.
2686a: Niether can he create a spell that allows me to see the enemies' stats.
2687:my ranger cannot have favored enemy (anything that moves).
2688: I am not Evil Good, either.
2689: This is D&D. Complex moral issues need not apply.
2690: You cannot play a good demon just to make a statement.
2690b: Or a devil, or an illithid . . .
2691: Don't use Bluff to trick the dumbest party member into riding a kelpie.
2692: Lovecraftian old gods are not your friends. If they are, we don't want to hear about it.
2693: Just because you don't want to buy food doesn't mean cannibalism is the answer.
Cthulhu fhtagn R'lyeh!
If you understood the above, click here.
Originally Posted by Nerd-o-rama
There were other programs that were deleted, but they either go quietly or spend the rest of their existence sitting around babbling about causality. Smith's different. He gets deleted and he's like "Hell no, I'm staying. And I'll steal your kernel privileges and spam copies of myself onto every last thing on the hard disk. How d'you like that?"
2694: My character's one and only motivation for risking his very soul on the grand quest to save all of creation cannot be "because he had nothing better to do and that seemed like a good idea at the time".
2695: Weapon Proficiency (soccer ball) does not exist.
2696: If I am playing a character that has absolutely no combat skills, I am not allowed to single-handedly solve any combat while the rest of the (combat-specialized) party just watches.
2696a: I am especially not allowed to utter the line "see, I told you guys that brains beat brawn" after the above happens.
2697: I am not allowed to "accidentally" hit a fellow PC with an area of effect spell/item.
2697a: Even if it was honestly an accident, at least that one time....
2698: I am not allowed to abandon a plot-relevant quest just because my character doesn't feel like doing it anymore.
2699: I am not allowed to only roll 15's and higher all session.
2700: When a PC dies, and the player is obviously upset, I am not allowed to say "well now you have a chance to roll up a character that isn't a complete ass".
Been there, fought that, died horribly.
Something fun and flavorful to get your DM throwing books at you: Katana Chucker
2701: Unless I'm playing a paranoid character, I'm not allowed to start keeping flour around when a party member gains the ability to turn invisible.
2701a: At least, until I see that they are, in fact, completely evil.
2702: It doesn't matter how high my perception roll is, I cannot "hear someone think".
2702a: Especially not other players, its just metagaming then.
2703: No complaining when the DM brings the evil party member back via deus ex machina if he also brings back the only healer.
2703a: It doesn't matter if the evil one killed the healer in the first place.
2703b: Killing him (again) immediately after the final battle is fair game though.
Tired soldier avatar by the excellent TinyMushroom.
You should probably look for some white text in my posts. I'm sneaky like that.
No way, Kratos is a Godblooded Strength Prodigy Human Warblade, full stop. He started high level, he's well into Epic by now, with minor artifacts.
He could get the strength through the correct Manual and through a Belt of Giant Strength as well as being a water orc who rolled an 18 for strength, and dumping all his stat bonuses into it. That is, at level 20, 22+5+5+6=38 strength.
I haven't actually seen Kratos in action, I just know he's a lot like Asura from Asura's Wrath, who I would prefer to stat up in Exalted rules (mainly because he's a dead ringer for an Infernal with Malfeas charms with the Motivation "save Mithra" and the Urge "kill the Seven Deities", although then Yasha goes the equivalent of Solar Akuma and joins Asura, so it's more like "kill the other six guys"), but I would peg as a totemist/warblade with a barbarian dip and some homebrewed Greater Girallon's Blessing (gives an extra four arms) as an ability he gains whenever he Rages. So I know Kratos is some really strong epic level guy with a Divine Rank, and is probably a totemist/warblade for super jumping skills and unarmored AC bonuses.
2704: I may not play a fighter with the stereotypical greedy rogue personality just to screw with people.
2705: "Smite Stupidity" is not a paladin ability no matter how much I wish it were.
2706: No matter how few hitpoints they have, I cannot kill mages just by nudging them too hard.
2707: I cannot steal creatures' eyes no matter how high I roll on my Pickpocketing check.
When in doubt, use cute little dragons.
2710: No matter how much my character thinks someone else needs exercise, manifesting psionic Dominate and forcing him to do jumping jacks is not the answer.
2710a: Forcing someone that's under the effect of Crisis of Breath to do jumping jacks is not something that anyone of good alignment would do.
2711: I am not allowed to feed the bit of brain removed by Decebrate to my victim's family.
2711a: Especially if I tell them what it is and force them to eat it anyway.
2711b: Nor may I eat it, even if my character is an illithid.
2711c: Nor may I keep a collection of jars containing bits of brains that I've removed over the years.
Delightfully abrasive in more ways than one
Originally Posted by Recaiden
This is Demon King Mangosta talking. Of course he's harsh.
2713: "Cheddar Monk" is not a prestige class.
2714: My character's name cannot be based on the name of a food, contain the name of a food, or even sound like it should be the name of a food, even if it's not.
BRC gave me this commiepuppy. Thanks!
Timeless Error stole all the things that I could possibly be mistaken for. *happy dances*
I made my avatar. If you want to see other stuff I made, click here.
2718: I am allowed to explain that my enemies catastrophically explode when I reduce them to -153 HP, but this does NOT do 15d6 awesomesauce damage in a 30' radius.
2719: My rogue cannot be 'awful greedy' in alignment.
2720: My rogue cannot be named 'Befsack'.
2721: Even if I'm playing in an MLP campaign, my character's catchphrase cannot be 'FOR PONY!'
2721b: Especially if the character is a psychotic unicorn.
2722: While I can attack the embodiment of the entire universe, I can't actually kill it.
2723: Nor am I allowed to survive the Intensified Vengeful Gaze of God reprisal.
"Don't mess around with elves. You can't argue with them and they always have a fireball up their sleeve. Or maybe a pegasus. With...like...crossbow machine guns on it or something." -Anonymous
Sadly, I have forgotten who made this avatar. But whoever it was, good show!
2724: I will not destroy the whole entire enemy base by my self in realistic campain.
2725: I will not use one liners when its completly out of context.
2726: I will not have dwarf barbarian that can pick up a great wyrm red dragon while its still alive.
2727: Rickrolling is here by banned. No esxcuses.
2727b: This goes double for the "Hamster Dance"
2728: Dominating the party just because their idiots is not a good escuse to do so.
2729: Catching the dwarf with ridiculous health and then using him as ammunition for our catapult is not proper conduct (even though he completly agreed to it and would have destroyed the wall)
I donít have enemies I just have people who donít like me.
Last edited by Reindofall : 03-18-2012 at 10:03 PM.
2730: Having Improved Evasion and practically auto-passing any Reflex save still does not let me survive (much less take no damage) from detonating explosives I had hidden within myself.
*looks at numbering since your last post*
2726. When in a standoff with an enemy, and they say "who the hell do you think you are!?", I cannot say "god"
2726a. Nor can I say "...lightning ninja cowboy... can't you hear the music?"
2727. No, I may not play a Solar Akuma who was betrayed by his fellows right after the Primordial War, and have the Motivation "save his daughter" and the Urge "kill the ones who betrayed him"
2727a. No, his former master cannot have the Flaw "Blind", then invest half the bonus points in a homebrew Awareness Charm that gives him the ability to sense where others are and the other half in his fighting skills
2733: Head butting is no longer allowed. (After the Herbalist Incident)
2734: No longer allowed able to have telekinesis as a power.
2735: When pissed off at the party I'm no longer allowed to plane shift everyone to the elemental planes and leave them there.
I donít have enemies I just have people who donít like me.
Last edited by Reindofall : 03-18-2012 at 10:08 PM.
2739. No, I may not use a minibus as my favored weapon.
2739b. Being able to drive one is not the same as being proficient in its use as a weapon.
2740. I may not use Profession(Cook) offensively.
2740b. Nor Profession(Janitor).
2740c. Nor Profession(Botanist).
2740d. My characters aren't allowed to have Professions anymore, they're all hobos and homeless drifters now.
2741. I can't call dibs on the soul devouring sword.
2741b. Especially when we're questing to destroy it.
2742. No, everything is not better when it's on fire.
2743. I may not cast Quickened Greases before the Monk runs down the hallway to see him go careening into the opposite wall.
2743b. Monk-bowling is not our national pastime.
2744. I may not get the rest of the non-halflings in the party killed so we can reincarnate them into halflings.
2745. I will not Charm every new party member to make him part of the team, I can just talk him into it.
Rule of Cool Contributor and Goon